#roundabout way to say this is my appreciation post for all the authors in the tg/m fandom
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I’ve never cried squealed kicked my feet banged my head sobbed on the bus more than I have in this fandom
#roundabout way to say this is my appreciation post for all the authors in the tg/m fandom#you do so much and I’m so thankful#to all the artist thank you for all the works and silly or sad comics they have genuinely made my day#and to people on tumblr who wake up and think about tg similarly#thank you for creating such a nice space for everyone to giggle and cry over these silly characters#I love you and them!!#top gun fandom#top gun maverick#top gun 1986
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Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1
Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.
I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.
My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.
I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.
Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?
Kaguya-sama: Love Is War
Season 1 Episode 1
I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It
Power dynamics in relationships
Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.
I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."
In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?
I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?
If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?
These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.
Desire without action
Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.
The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.
What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.
In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.
I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.
That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.
Half a year passes.
Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.
Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?
This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.
Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability
Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.
To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.
It sucks.
Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.
It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.
Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.
If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.
It's gonna be great.
If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.
Chaos theory
Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.
Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.
From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.
Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.
Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?
Misunderstandings and assumptions
I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.
You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.
Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.
Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.
From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.
I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.
When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.
Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?
A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.
In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.
I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.
The burden of potential romance
Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?
Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.
To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.
Love is neurotic.
Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.
Love and self-identity
The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.
Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.
"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."
Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."
It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.
Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.
Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.
It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.
If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.
Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.
My hopes for this story's future
I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.
I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.
My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.
Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.
Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.
I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!
Closing thoughts
I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!
The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.
I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.
This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.
This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.
A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes
I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.
What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.
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How to Study Plot and Character in Your Favorite Stories: 5 Easy Steps
What if I told you the best way to learn how to create amazing plots and characters in your own stories was by purposeful osmosis? First, of course, I might have to explain that “purposeful osmosis” means reading lots and lots of books and watching lots and lots of movies–and consciously studying what it is about them that works. With that explanation out of the way, chances are you’re in agreement. But chances are, you’re also not entirely sure how to actually make this happen. Just how do you figure out how to study plot and character in other people’s stories?
Not too long ago, Wordplayer K.M. Updike (she of the rad initials!) emailed me, asking:
[What is] your process for studying the plot, structure, character arcs, etc., of the books you read and the movies you watch? I’ve been wondering for a while how one goes about studying the writer’s work as they read/watch.
This is an excellent question. After all, it’s easy for Stephen King to say:
Don’t get me wrong: this is a tremendous piece of advice. But it’s also pretty vague.
That’s it? We just … read? And the answers will, what? Come to us?
Yes, actually. To some extent anyway. The more we read and watch good (and bad) stories, the better our own storytelling instincts will get–without our having to do even one thing more.
But in the interest of upping our game here, how about we do a few things more? Today, I’m going to give you an actionable plan for how to study plot and character (and lots more) in your favorite stories.
1. Start With an Action Plan
The first step in being purposeful is, of course, to have a purpose. Often, you may simply want to observe the books you read and the movies you watch generally, letting the story’s own strengths and weaknesses guide your study. But it can help you dig down deeper if you have a list of things you want to consciously pay attention to.
I recommend a short list. The shorter, the better, in fact.
Why? Because your brain can only keep track of so many tangents at once (says the woman with twenty tabs open in her browser). You’ll get better results if you focus on one or two primary elements or techniques at a time.
For example, lately, I’ve been concentrating on dialogue (both because it’s something I’m working on myself and because I’m planning a series of blog posts on dialogue for sometime next year). I watch the ebb and flow of dialogue, taking note of what works and what doesn’t. What’s the effect–and why did the author intend it?
This isn’t to say, of course, that you can’t also take note of anything interesting, in any category, that reveals itself. But only consciously follow certain rabbits down their holes.
2. Arm Yourself With Highlighters and Pens
Jane Eyre: The Writer’s Digest Annotated Classic (Amazon affiliate link)
This is for serious studiers only. Seriously, I only do this one when I’m in full battle mode (e.g., like when I was dissecting Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre, so I could write about its brilliant techniques in Jane Eyre: The Writer’s Digest Annotated Classic).
This is where you’re going to want to divide your studying into a few more categories–one for each color of highlighter. Go through the book, highlighting appropriately, whenever you find an interesting passage. Write notes with abandon in the margins. Then, when you’ve finished, go through again and type up your notes, expanding on them to fully record your reactions and new knowledge.
I say this is only for serious studiers primarily because this is a fast track to interfering with reading-as-pure-pleasure (and also to making a mess of your paperbacks).
This is rigorous studying at its best and will require your full brain power. No reading-to-get-to-sleep when you’re doing this.
3. Break Down the Structure
The surest way to get a grasp on plot and story structure is by consciously breaking down the structure in books and movies–as I do regularly for the Story Structure Database. How do I do this?
Start with an easy shortcut: divide the total page count of a book or the total running time of a movie by eight. Why? Because the major structural moments happen at each eighth of the story:
1. Inciting Event (12%)
2. First Plot Point / End of the First Act (25%)
3. First Pinch Point (37%)
4. Midpoint / Halfway through the Second Act (50%)
5. Second Pinch Point (62%)
6. Third Plot Point / Beginning of Third Act (75%)
7. Climax (88%)
For movies, I use my handy dry-erase board notebook to note the approximate minute of each turning point, so I can easily watch the run time and take note of what’s happening.
For books, I use little Book Darts bookmarks to mark the appropriate page at each turning point.
This way, I’m not totally adrift within the story. I can watch the clock or the page count and know to be on the watch for the respective structural moment roundabout there.
This is a fabulous way to grasp story structure as a whole and, just as importantly, to understand how the various structural elements can manifest in vastly different ways from story to story.
You can study my many examples in the Story Structure Database.
4. Examine Your Reactions
Whenever you finish a story, give yourself a moment before rushing off to the next thing. Just sit there and think about your reactions to what you just experienced. Ask yourself:
How did the story make you feel?
What did you like about it?
What did you dislike?
Do you think it was an objectively good story?
Did you dislike it anyway? Why?
Do you think it was an objectively problematic or even bad story?
Did you like it anyway? Why?
Within the answers to these questions lies your greatest opportunity for growth as a writer. If you can distill your often nebulous feelings about a story down into logical facts about what made you feel that way, you will then be able to add other authors’ effective weapons to your own arsenal.
I use this technique after every story I read or watch. It’s where I get the ideas for fully half the posts on this site.
5. Transcribe the Prose
This trick is especially useful if you’re trying to crack the code of, not just great storytelling, but great writing. What is it about some authors’ prose that makes it sing so effortlessly and powerfully? The whole point of great prose is that it’s flawless: we’re not supposed to think about it, we’re not supposed to see the cracks where the pieces are joined together. If we saw the cracks, that would defeat the whole purpose.
As a result, simply reading great prose isn’t always the most effective way to learn how to write awesome prose of your own. What you need to do is sit down with a notebook and pen and a favorite book–and start transcribing passages. I recommend doing this longhand, with an actual pen, since this will slow you down and force you to think about and absorb each word and punctuation choice.
I used to do this every day, and it never failed to amaze me how it allowed me to suddenly see the building blocks the authors had used in crafting their prose. Their seemingly inimitable mastery of wordcraft was suddenly within my grasp. It was something I could learn–and that you can too!
Afraid Studying Will Ruin Your Reading? Don’t Be
Although you can learn from other authors, such as me, who break down stories and share what they’re learning in blogs and books, you’ll get more out of the experience by also doing it yourself. Start approaching your book reading and movie watching purposefully with an intent to logically identify and utilize the tools handed to you by authors you love.
But what if it ruins your reading and watching?
It’s true, it might. Some authors use these practices and find themselves growing hypecritical. But, frankly, it shouldn’t. The more I learn to identify how other authors are using the craft, the more I appreciate their stories. Give it a try. You’ll transform both your appreciation of stories in general and your own writing.
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I've seen so many different people argue this irl (as in, my classmates) and I think the big difference between the first post and all other posts about how great lit analysis is and the second one and all others about how stupid it is tends to ride on experiences in school.
I'm a big believer of "just bc the curtains are blue doesn't mean it's sad" because throughout highschool, my teachers took every little detail that is actually insignificant and harped on it while ignoring the things the reader actually should have been looking into. Like the first post suggests, rather than connecting the curtains to an older scene, my teachers preferred to use the roundabout method of this is what it means no arguing allowed. As a result, I ended up hating lit analysis because of my poor experiences.
However, if you've ever talked to me about characters or stories (especially rn with black butler bc there's just so much to talk about), you'd know that I love to do it. And this came with being exposed to communities of people who theorize and use lit analysis in ways that aren't so surface level. By being exposed to positive forms of analysis, I was able to appreciate it more and am able to better my skills.
Don't take that the wrong way, though, I still believe that just because the curtains are blue doesn't mean that it's sad, and like the second post says, I'd be pissed too if a teacher went and analysed what was never there in the first place. Not all literature is meant to be analysed, and I think that's okay. Not everything has a deeper meaning that we want it to have, and that's okay.
Some forms of lot analysis are just there to make a writer's ego better; especially more modern ones where the writer is alive and kicking (see: booktok). Booktok, for those who don't know, is the community of people on tiktok who share about the books that they like, don't like, kinda liked, and wrote. I've read through my fair few booktok recommend books and can assure you that many of the ones that so many people say are great really are just thinly vailed wattpad fanfiction without the names of the people from said fandom. In those cases, "lit analysis" is most definitely just a way to stroke an author's ego and seem cool.
I've been reading fanfiction for well over a decade now, and print books for even longer. I grew up as the kid that was always reading. I'd get in trouble at school for reading. I wrote papers and essays about what I read. I went through rough times where that comfort was ripped from me, and have grown from that and am now dedicated to becoming an english teacher for highschool level students. Hell, I'm an english major, analysis is like at least half of the whole thing mostly more. I've seen the different people who have analysed literature and I'm so sure that maybe, just maybe, if people were given good hearted, dedicated teachers, they would not be as perverse to lit analysis as I once completely was and as they might be now.
Is this way too long winded a response to something that doesn't matter? Yes. But as someone who believed and to some degree still believes in what the second post argues, I have to leave my two cents here too. Sorry to everyone who was scrolling through the tags and came across my essay lol
the thing about literary analysis is that its not often “the author intentionally made the curtains blue to represent sadness“ its more like “this is the 5th piece of writing where this author describes blue curtains, incidentally the bedroom his mother died in when he was 6 had blue curtains“
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m2rehabilitacions.com
Earlier today another superb Mexican breakfast was coming up: Vanessa had made "tlacoyos con nopales" (seared batter covered with products of the prickley pear desert flora and softened cheddar on top) which I truly appreciated. Around 9:30 we got moving and Vanessa's sister dropped us off, directly before the Angel de la Independencia, a landmark raised in 1910 to remember freedom from Spain, on the Paseo de la Reforma. The Paseo de la Reforma is a just about 4 km long tree-lined lane, interfacing the focal point of the city with the Bosque de Chap��ltepec. Different landmarks decorate its glorietas, or roundabouts, and we had effectively seen one of the landmarks, the Caballito, yesterday. Directly close to the Angel de la Independencia, an official of the traveler police halted us and asked us where we were going and in the event that he could be of help. He was an extremely enchanting youngster and hauled an overlaid map out of his security coat and brought up every one of the significant sights in Mexico City. We had seen a considerable amount, however unavoidably we planned to miss a considerable amount also since there was such a great amount to see and there simply wasn't sufficient opportunity. After a photograph operation with the vacationer police officer we headed on and continued investigating the Paseo de la Reforma. From the Angel de la Independencia we forged ahead to the Diana Cazadora (Diana the Huntress) sculpture, which created a serious ruckus when it was initially disclosed since it's anything but a sculpture of an exposed lady.
Mexican medication cartels as per ongoing press reports have military style instructional courses on and close to the line with the United States. These Training camps are for military-style executioners. Government specialists say these camps have Afghanistan and other center eastern educators who show the most recent military battling strategies that are used in Iraq and Afghanistan by the Islamic extremists that are battling and killing American and unified soldiers in those nations. Mexican authorities concede they are aware of unique instructional courses in the Mexican territories of Tamaulipas and Michoacan, where recently selected Zetas require serious six-week instructional classes in weapons, strategies and insight gathering.
While the postings are exact and state-of-the-art, it ought to be noticed that before my previous article, inside a year or so one mezcalería had opened and shut on the zócalo (a part of La Mezcalerita, with its lead noted underneath), another opened on the zócalo soon after I had distributed my first article and shut just seven months after the fact (Sabina Sabe, said to move after tenure issues), and one which in reality made my rundown, Tobalá or Toba, essentially shut. So there is a purge in the business. Property manager whimsicalness might be a factor. Yet, it is recommended that those with a sensible measure of business sharpness and/or enthusiasm for mezcal, will proceed to flourish, and that there will be quick development of new players on the scene as the months pass by; that is until the immersion point is reached.
The winged triumph isn't the lone design in the Column of Independence. At it's anything but a quadrangle flanked on four sides by bronze figures addressing Law, War, Justice, and Peace. There is additionally a bronze sculpture portraying a lion being driven by a youngster, which is said to show how honest kids are in a conflict, and how compliant they find a sense of contentment time.
As per 2005 Census information, more than 12% of the US populace is currently unfamiliar conceived and around 1 of every 5 inhabitants age 5 and more established communicate in a language other than English at home. These figures are relied upon to increment, and are extensively higher in numerous spaces of the country. Numerous new workers are attempting to learn English while keeping up with their association with their legacy language and country.
Ecuador Real Estate laws ought to be essential for the data that you will explore before you move into this country. You must comprehend the particular laws that apply to Real Estate in Ecuador and that you will stick to once you live in another country. Notwithstanding where you intend to resign or move, you should be a well behaved inhabitant to stay away from any lamentable occurrence with the nearby government.
Oaxaca is known as one of the head urban areas for food and drink in all Latin America. The south focal Mexico mecca for mole is noted for more than the scope of rich scrumptious sauces: globally acclaimed cafés, tempting late night road food stands, exceptional culinary and refreshment things, for example, tlayudas, tejate, barbacoa de borrego, and obviously the famous agave based Mexican soul, mezcal. Yet, regardless of its gastronomic significance, consistently from early September until the cusp of Day of the Dead towards the finish of October, its eateries experience the ill effects of hunger - that is, insufficient in the registers to keep a sound degree of monetary food.
Numerous guests toward the south focal Mexico pilgrim city of Oaxaca spend just a few entire days here (beside visiting the focal valley courses), not long enough to truly find out about its social history, its contemporary significance, and a little about its underside. There are surely some nitty gritty strolling voyages through the city contained in some manuals, however every one of the three or four midtown courses a few hours to finish, if equity is to be finished.
Everybody realizes that when you visit Mexico you are probably going to need to see a portion of the archeological locales in the country, yet how far will you need to go to be intrigued by them when you visit this huge city? Shockingly you can discover a ton of spots that will fulfill your interest in pre-Columbian civilizations from the space without going that a long way from the city or in any event, leaving it.
Mexico City is a fascinating difference of the at various times. It is here that you can see the notable pioneer heart encompassed by the steadily changing face of advancement. The city was first settled by the Aztecs in the fourteenth century and was subsequently taken over by the Spanish. Today Mexico City is home to a very happening craftsmanship and gastronomic scene that is flourishing and extending in the stylish, trendy tree-lined areas. The city brags gigantic territories metropolitan parklands viewed as the biggest in the planet while the passerby cordial regions are affectionately alluded to as the Beverly Hills of Mexico. On the off chance that you are arranging a visit to Mexico City, there is a lot of that you can see and do there.
The turn of events, which lies on Paseo de la Reforma between the Monument to Columbus and the Monument to the Revolution (not an area to be taken care of with incompetent hands), is at its most fundamental establishment a blended use improvement that addresses a correspondence between the encompassing metropolitan belt, verifiable and social tourist spots and shortsighted advancement, making it an undeniable symbol.
Mexico City is known as the city with the amplest road on the planet. Perhaps the most amazing things about it is without a doubt its way of life, which blends antiquated pre-Columbian time, during the European colonization, with the cutting edge time frame. The city has an immense gallery wherein the entirety of the viewpoints are outlined. Mexico City's social organizations incorporate, among others, 161 exhibition halls, 30 theaters and 106 craftsmanship displays.
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Day 52
I woke up, feeling pretty good. I’m starting to sleep better, so maybe there is something to be said for giving cancer patients a little time to recover from the treatments. I tended to shrug off the assorted, lesser symptoms and stiffness during those first six weeks because I was highly functional (those of you who know me personally are probably chuckling at me using the word “functional” to describe myself). I solved a few more bureaucratic problems surrounding me being a sick person - someone from the doctor’s office called to say that, even though they’d filled out their portion of the DMV stuff, there was some segment I had to sign. Which, like everything else about this disease, is just another minor, 10%-harder-than-it-needs-to-be aggravation/annoyance. Still, I’ll figure that one out; I’ve made it this far. I’ll admit, that wasn’t my initial mental reaction, I briefly wanted to wail and gnash my teeth - fortunately, those last vestiges of surface-dweller have been overtaken by my inner kraken, so I just calmly asked the nurse to e-mail me the forms in question. Also as of this writing - late late evening Friday, 2/10/18, the forms haven’t arrived; so, pro-tip if you plan on ever being seriously ill or infirm, assume a one-business-day delay for all administrative/communications issues). Again, it’s kind of overwhelming and upsetting how many bureaucratic hurdles you have to overcome when you’re sick, even with the best care and people on your side (there will be entire blog posts about that issue, trust me). And I scheduled a dental visit, which, again, probably sounds pretty pedestrian to you, but I found thrilling.
Speaking of which, I spent most of yesterday tracking down and getting authorization/release for a prescription renewal, which, while annoying and unpleasant, never felt overwhelming; BUT, I did, finally, get a call yesterday evening from some creepy insurance robot saying that I did get the okay to pick that one up.
I also got a very sweet call from someone on the Radiation Team the other night saying they’d read my thank-you letter in the latest staff meeting, and thanking me for writing it; which is great, but I still feel that if those fine people ever feel unappreciated for a second, something is seriously wrong with society (there will be entire blog posts about what is wrong with society, too)(for starters, decent people allow themselves to be pushed around and let jerks rise to the very top; but I digress), Still, it does feel cool to know I might be able to do that for other people.
All of which is a rather roundabout way of updating you all on the various broad categories of after-hours calls you may receive in the abyss: 1. Very, very bad medical news 2. Very, very good medical news 3. Medical people calling to update you with various, random paperwork or lab results 4. Creepy, female health bureaucracy Terminators from the drug/insurance/whatever Universal Health Corporation updating you about the latest in your ongoing health paperwork quagmire (at this point, it kind of does feel like the insurance forms might well kill me long before cancer does). 5. People from along the abyssal journey calling to remind you that you’re an awesome kraken. You can guess which one is my favorite (it’s creepy insurance fembot; she sounds kind of hot).
Continuing that ever-growing theme of my life of showing gratitude when it’s due, thanks to all the neighbors and family friends who came out to wish me well this evening. Kudos to Ingrid, Kaydee, Roger, Jaime, Spencer, Amelia, Elise, Brinlee (I hope I spelled that), and everyone else I’m leaving out. Thanks for showing up, folks. And Roger, thank you for that delightfully absurd vision of a man walking into the dark, playing the accordion (and reader, if that mental image doesn’t make you smile, check to see that you are still alive).
Anyway, the thought-du-jour concerns headaches (the physical kind); the sort that you have, and I have. When you get a brain tumor, everyone wants to know if you have a headache. I am always asked if I have a headache. And I always try to answer honestly; and I’m sure the question is diagnostically accurate if they ask it. But, at the same time, there is a part of me that became recently aware, as I started feeling better, of the weird paradox of that question. In order to appreciate it - this is an audience participation exercise - I need you, reader, to sit still (but comfortably), in a quiet place without any distractions. And, now, in that position of relative comfort and health, let me ask, “Do you have a headache?” You probably don’t, but, even if you didn’t five minutes ago, there’s a solid chance some of you are reaching for the aspirin.
ANYWAY… WEIGHT: 218 lb CONCENTRATION:Not bad; I completed this thing and helped Mother Dearest in a variety of random tasks. APPETITE: Good, but slightly depressed. ACTIVITY LEVEL: Excellent; I went to the gym SLEEP QUALITY: Excellent. I’m dropping dead at a late hour, and waking up 7-ish hours later, feeling perfectly physically fine. COORDINATION/DEXTERITY: Excellent, although I still have a twitch in my left wrist and hand. MEMORY: Patchy. I can recall something with extreme detail; I had a little trouble keeping the neighbor kids straight, but I had that difficulty when I was healthy, And there were 20 of them, so it’s hard to keep rack (including, as it turns out, three feral children who just slipped past the guards). PHYSICAL: Not too bad. My head’s still sore, though that’ less of a dull ache, and more like stabbing, intermittent sensations SIDE EFFECTS: Nothing new.
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15 Ways To Learn SEO 2019 Effectively
The website that would like in order to stay relevant these days should definitely consider getting SEO. Ranking aspects can be divided into on-page SEO factors (including technical SEO) and link building or off-page SEO factors. Take the 10 pillar subjects you came up with within Step one and create the web page for each 1 which outlines the topic in a high level - making use of the long-tail keywords you emerged plan for each cluster within Step 2. A pillar web page on SEO, for instance, may describe SEO in brief areas that introduce keyword research, picture optimization, SEO strategy, and some other subtopics as they are determined. On our blog all of us chronicle current trends in on the web marketing and SEO and current interesting studies, statistics and developments. 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It may be the circumstance (and I surmise this) how the introduction of a certain SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION technique initially artificially raised your own rankings for the pages within a way that Google's methods tend not to approve of, and as soon as that is actually spread out all through your site, traffic starts in order to deteriorate or is slammed in the future algorithm update. Investing in high quality tactics which do take more but endure and are usually the ones which generate useful traffic is the best method to spend your time upon SEO. Some SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION specialists and bloggers say that will short URLs ranks better within Google. This technique will be sometimes known as SEO content” or SEO copywriting”. But you ought to not ignore the most substantial part of the website developing process, i. e. SEO (Search Engine Optimisation). 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Search engine marketing (SEO) is one of this most important marketing considerations in your studio website. SEO might generate a sufficient return upon investment However, search engines are usually not taken care of organic search visitors, their algorithms change, and presently there are no guarantees of ongoing referrals. A great starting point whenever using keywords for SEO is usually to identify existing pages that will may use some optimization. These are called keywords, plus as you will see, these people are an important part associated with SEO. In fact, this particular will actually hurt your cyberspace SEO because search engines such as google will recognize it because keyword stuffing - or the particular act of including keywords particularly to rank for that key word Blog9T, rather than to answer the person's question. Prior to we get going, one thing a person want to keep in thoughts when using one of the following SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION elements is not to overdo it. You might be enticed to shove a lot associated with keywords onto your pages, yet that is not the objective. In situation you create links to some other websites and reverse, it can improve your SEO ranking. In fact Cisco predicts that globally, on-line video traffic will be eighty percent of all consumer Web traffic by 2019 (a quantity that is up from sixty four percent in 2014). I've bookmarked therefore many SEO websites and sources that it's overwhelming to actually look at. Link authority is the major component of SEO, yet purchasing links is forbidden simply by Google, Bing, and other lookup engines. Search engines regard metadata plus meta keywords as less essential than they used to, thanks a lot to many years of dark hat misuse, however the name of your page and the relevancy towards the content will certainly always be a highly essential factor in SEO. SEO is important because this helps you get found simply by improving your ranking online lookup results. Inorganic SEO is usually good for populating links with regard to your website, even on some other websites which signed up regarding online ads to be demonstrated on their web pages. Of course, finding the period for you to write your own SEO articles daily can end up being difficult in light of the particular fact that you still possess a company to run. Social media provides its perks aside from SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION value. 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Hobo UK SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION - A Beginner's Guide (2018) is really a free pdf file ebook you can DOWNLOAD TOTALLY FREE from here (2mb) that will contains my notes about generating increased organic traffic to the site within Google's guidelines. My conjecture is that the biggest SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION trend in 2019 is heading to be Amazon search. TYPES OF SEO Right now there are two major types associated with seo, white hat search motor optimization (the ‘good' kind), plus black hat (the 'not therefore good' kind). Google's always tweaking its lookup algorithms, so there's no warranty that SEO practices that worked well in the past will maintain working in the future. A few search engines have also supplied to the SEO industry, plus are frequent sponsors and visitors at SEO conferences, webchats, plus seminars. If a person have a website that a person want to become easily discovered by a search engine, you should increase your site rank by means of SEO as well. Some SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION companies focus on link building” and increasing the authority associated with their clients' websites. Through an SEO perspective, we had been introduced to RankBrain nearly 2 years ago, a machine-learning synthetic intelligence that Google's been making use of to process an extremely huge proportion of search results. Specifically, you'll discover exactly how to make use of advanced on-page SEO strategies (like Bucket Brigades”) to get higher Google search positions and more organic traffic. Search engines has introduced (at least) the ‘percieved' risk to publishing a lot of lower-quality pages on your own site to in order in order to curb production of old-style SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION friendly content based on manipulating early search engine algorithms. Grey hat SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION is entirely centered on enhancing search engine rankings. There are various aspects to SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, from the words on your own page to the way additional sites link to you upon the web. So, rather than viewing SEARCH ENGINE MARKETING as an umbrella term covering SEO, it's more accurate in order to view SEM (paid search) plus SEO (organic search) as individual entities to use as a part of your Search Marketing arsenal. SEO or the particular Search Engine Optimization is certainly an method of increasing visitors generation for an internet company. Cisco approximated that by 2019, video will certainly make up 80% of just about all consumer internet traffic. In line along with the previous point, SEOs can consider various landing pages along with proper keywords, meta tags plus the overall website structure through the SEO point of look at. Including relevant key phrases in the title, URL, plus headers of the page plus making sure that a site is crawlable are actions that will site owners can take in order to improve the SEO of their particular site. To fulfill intent and position well in the long work, build your SEO marketing technique around topics, not keywords In case you do that, you will discover a person can naturally optimize for essential keywords, anyway. Artificial cleverness (AI) and voice searches are usually two technologies that are currently affecting SEO but will most likely have an even bigger influence in 2019 and the yrs to come. They are usually also great for video SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, and get great organic rating online and Google. Remember keywords are usually the KEY in SEO composing guidelines. 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Certain black hat SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION techniques, such as keyword filling, are thought to be the SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION equivalent of spamming, and lookup engines will penalize them. Internet marketing is exclusively driven by SEO or lookup engine optimization. Others are usually simply traditional PR firms who else have learned SEO as nicely as the value of hyperlinks. Here's a cliche among electronic marketers: Search engine optimization (SEO) isn't what used to become. Google announced that will they released several minor enhancements over the period of the particular time of about a 7 days and after analysis, experts inside the SEO industry concluded that will the updates were the outcome of keyword permutations and web site using doorway pages. SEO, or Search Motor Optimization, means setting up your own website and content to show up through online search results. People which want to take their company to some new height plus generally and mostly believe within the way of SEO advertising. The sensible strategy for SEO might still appear to be in order to reduce Googlebot crawl expectations plus consolidate ranking equity & possible in high-quality canonical pages plus you do that by reducing duplicate or near-duplicate content. This can take a LONG period for a site to recuperate from using black hat SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION tactics and fixing the issues will never necessarily bring organic visitors back as it was just before a penalty. The particular best SEO Guide is right here to dispel those myths, plus give you all you require to know about SEO in order to show up online and some other search engines, and ultimately make use of SEO to grow your company. > > Upon Page Optimization: On-page SEO is usually the act of optimizing novel pages with a specific finish goal to rank higher plus acquire more important movement within web crawlers. There are several websites providing pertinent information regarding SEO and online marketing, and you may learn from them. But it's confusing why some businesses don't try out harder with analysis, revisions, plus new content with their SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION online marketing strategy. An effective SEO strategy can be made up of a variety of elements that ensure your internet site is trusted by both consumers as well as the look for engines. By taking their own marketing needs online and employing confer with an experienced SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION agency, a business can achieve thousands, or even millions associated with people that they would have got not been able to in any other case. If you may look after SEO, you may get lost among the trillions of links out there. 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Search engines motor optimization (organic SEO) describes the particular methods used to obtain the high placement (or ranking) upon a search engine results web page in unpaid, algorithm-driven results upon the given search engine. Also, videos have got a lot of untapped possible - great for SEO in addition to make for good user proposal. The really best SEO expert 2019 can tell you for High-End mobile devices, we're seeing more format changes to focus, provide the better experience, search results. Social SEO is especially helpful for online reputation administration. It isn't just the means that Google ranks optimized written content, but the way that they will rank poorly constructed or taboo content that will push your own ranking to where it really need to be in 2019. Ray Cheselka, SEO & Ppc Manager at SEO and style agency, webFEAT Complete, predicts that will sites with over a 2 second load time will end up being penalized, and search intent is usually going to carry on and grow within importance. SEO consists of ordering the site's architecture and hyperlinks to make pages inside the particular website easier to find plus navigate. In contrast, content material that no one is humming about have minimal effect upon social SEO. They are usually generally knowledgeable within the are usually of both SEO and content material marketing. When it arrives to reviews, customers work as a good army of link builders plus keyword writers so your SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION structure is shaped without a person having to lift a hand. A great SEO service includes a great deal of research and lots associated with smart keywords application which can period website at a increased notch and provide it the higher ranking in Google web search engine. 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Search Engine Optimization (SEO) is definitely a powerful process that may help make you and your own research more visible to research engines like Google and Search engines Scholar. I have simply no clue about SEO only several basics that is available most over the place and I actually feel this article must help as your other articles assisted me give some direction upon recovering my lost traffic plus generating more content as properly as repurposing old content. By merging a new way to work along with SEO and prioritized lists associated with recommendations—not to mention competitor evaluation and keyword monitoring—Siteimprove SEO is definitely your all-in-one tool to develop traffic, prove ROI, and easily create content. All the SEO styles listed here may have started in late 2017 or earlier 2018, but their true advantage could be reaped in 2019. Google's David Mueller said on Twitter, along with the disclaimer of him placing his user hat on (ofcourse not Google hat), that relabeling outdated content as new, with simply no additional changes is a poor SEO hack. All of us associated with creatives, designers & developers function alongside our SEO & articles teams to ideate, research, style & create remarkable infographics and interactive content for brands that will get shared across the internet. Contemporary SEO strategy may be the process associated with organizing a website's content simply by topic, which helps engines like google realize a user's intent when looking. Page loading time is dependent upon Page Load speed, Web page loading time is one associated with the important factors in Mobile phone SEO 2017. Sociable Media as a platform are unable to be ignored in any SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION plan. Seo stands intended for search engine optimization, when a person are searching for an SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION or Search Engine Optimization Firm then you needs to appear for various factors which may have a favorable and bad affect on your business. A greater number associated with people will stick to tone of voice search, so SEO specialists may need to adjust to this particular relatively new kind of lookup. Seo or SEO is usually a powerful method to generate targeted traffic to your web site and hopefully increase your base line. Whilst many marketing tactics rely upon you reaching out to your own audience, SEO gives you the particular power to achieve people whenever they are actively searching away information related to your providers and products. White colored hat SEOs the actual recommendations of Google and other research engines like google. As Google's search engine outcomes become increasingly monetized and various other platforms such as Amazon plus YouTube gain more SoV plus search volume, I think wish overdue for the focus associated with SEO to shift far through Google. Traditional SEO will Top 7 Trends In SEO 2019 To Watch be focused on building (keyword relevant) links and (keyword relevant) content material. The main reason they may sometimes misunderstood is because you will find a whole Internet underbelly of alleged SEO companies that you may pay to link to your own site on their networks associated with low-quality articles. However, before we obtain to our main event, We must note that after the 2017 edition of SEO tendencies launched last year on Research Engine Journal, we heard the couple of complaints about simply how long it was. After that your boss tells you you aren't accountable for search engine optimisation (SEO), too. Michael jordan Harling, SEO Specialist at Roman Blinds Direct, agrees with the particular consensus that voice search can be the trend in 2019.
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Dealing with Feelings of Guilt After Euthanasia
Guest post by Sarah Chauncey
For several days after the vet gently stopped my 20-year-old cat Hedda’s heart, I couldn’t get past the feeling that Hedda didn’t want to die, or at least, she wanted it to happen in her own time, naturally.
I had been one of those people who was adamant that I would not choose euthanasia unless I believed Hedda felt death would be preferable. I didn’t believe her life was mine to end. Nobody would likely look at a photo of Hedda, compared to her prime, and say it was too soon. But all I cared about was whether she felt it was too soon. I felt like I betrayed her trust.
I’ve heard people say that, in this situation, we choose the path that will give us the least cause for regret. With euthanasia, no regret is usually not an option. Except for those instances where an animal is in acute distress and nothing can be done, the timing for euthanasia is rarely clear-cut. It’s also largely influenced by our personal beliefs, and our resources.
No regret is usually not an option. Except for those instances where an animal is in acute distress and nothing can be done, the timing for euthanasia is rarely clear-cut.
During our last 24 hours together, I vowed that if there were any negative karmic repercussions from my decision, that I bore them wholly (I also really, really hoped there weren’t).
Hedda
How Guilt Tries to Protect Us
Guilt is the mind’s resistance to what is, a futile attempt to change the past. In the context of euthanasia, guilt prevents us from feeling the full pain of having to say goodbye to a being we love. In a roundabout way, our mind tries to protect our heart by creating thoughts of guilt: “I should have…” “I shouldn’t have…” “I gave up too soon,” “I waited too long,” etc. Those thoughts—the mind’s incessant activity—keep painful emotions stuck in our bodies.
The thing is, guilt doesn’t change anything. It simply makes us feel miserable. And guilt compounds the grief, because as long as the mind is whirring, the heart can’t process its pain.
After Hedda’s death, I wanted to know that she forgave me. Because that wasn’t an option, I was the one who had to forgive myself.
I wanted to know that she forgave me. Because that wasn’t an option, I was the one who had to forgive myself.
Guilt and Inquiry
In the midst of all my inner turmoil, I came back to what I’d been practicing for several years. Guilt is simply a thought—the thought that I should have done something differently. So I decided to examine that thought.
The following is loosely based on The Work by Byron Katie, combined with questions a good therapist would’ve asked me. For each of us, the answers may vary. My answers don’t indicate what your answers “should” be—they’re what came up for me. The questions, though, can give you insight into how your thoughts of guilt may be trying to protect you.
Is it true that I should have done something differently? I don’t know. Let’s say “yes,” just for the purposes of this exercise. Let’s say I believe I absolutely should not have deliberately facilitated Hedda’s death.
Can I be absolutely certain that that thought is true? No, of course not.
Can I see a way the opposite statement might be equally or more true (i.e., that I absolutely should have ended her life)? Well, yes, but then there’s a story behind that, which is that if that was true, then maybe she had been suffering for a while, so I still wasn’t off the hook.
What if this was absolutely the perfect timing, and I didn’t do anything wrong. Could I see that as a true statement? Yes. [Huge energy shift here]
If I didn’t use up energy believing this thought, what would I have to feel? Pain, loss, grief, emptiness. It’s much easier to distract myself with thoughts.
If I didn’t believe the thought “I shouldn’t have had her euthanized,” what would I feel? Relaxed, calm, expansive. Appreciative of her love and our time together.
This series of questions helped to release me from the shackles of guilt. Not entirely, but substantially. I came to see that “guilt” was just a way of distracting myself from feeling the pain and sadness, the silence (SO MUCH silence), the ache in my chest. Guilt also prevented me from appreciating the mystery of life, of love, and of death.
I don’t mean to sound like “and everything was sunshine forever more.�� It wasn’t. I still missed Hedda’s physical presence—even more than when I’d been distracting myself with guilt thoughts. Yet once I was able to feel the waves of grief directly, unencumbered by guilt, I found that each wave dissipated more quickly.
Hedda
Finding Self-forgiveness
Letting go of guilt doesn’t mean the love is gone, or we miss our cat any less. It simply frees us to experience what we’re feeling in the moment instead of trying to change the past.
There’s a popular quote, attributed to multiple people, from Lily Tomlin to Jack Kornfield, that says, “Forgiveness is giving up hope of a better past.” We all do the best we can, with the resources we have, in each moment. A friend of mine, when thinking about the euthanasia of her cats, turns to another quote, from Jeff Foster, “Simply let go of the illusion that it could have been any different.”
If you can’t stop the torrent of thoughts, that’s okay, too. Try to show yourself the same compassion you’ve shown your cats. Grief (and guilt) are painful enough without adding an extra layer of feeling bad about feeling bad.
If grief or feelings of guilt are interfering with your day-to-day life, it’s okay to seek professional help. There are growing numbers of pet loss support groups, both in person and online, as well as one-on-one counseling options. You are not alone.
Sarah Chauncey is the author of P.S. I Love You More Than Tuna, an upcoming gift book for adults grieving their cat. She runs @morethantuna on Instagram and Facebook, “a celebration of nine lives,” and she started #tunatributes, a support community for people grieving their cat. She lives on Vancouver Island.
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