#rotting in my brain for MONTHS and i haven't written a thing down

[ghostblazewrites]

bitches be like "i have such a great story idea i can't wait to make it a reality!" then lie down in bed while the silly story spins around in their brain like a washing machine.

[poorlywoventhread]

I have been hardcore obsessed over Simon Riley X deaf!reader

Deaf!Reader somehow ends up as a drinking buddy to tf141. Though Reader isn't very clued in on what they do exactly, they appreciate the company. So, every month or so, they go out. Communication isn't easy, but Deaf!Reader lip reads and types their thoughts out. Deaf!Reader finds it hard to talk to Simon especially, not just because he's a man of few words but that goddamn mask. Simon is too stubborn to take that thing off and probably never will because of trust issues. When he, rearly wants to say something, he usually uses the notepad app on his phone.

Until one day, while everyone's trying to figure out a way home without driving, Simon catches the readers' attention and signs a basic sentence to the reader. This man is too stubborn to take off his mask, so he would rather just learn an entire ass language. The reader almost immediately breaks down crying. They're not used to being spoken to in their language. It's one of the few times someone has accomodated them.

I have never published a fanfic before let alone a oneshot, but this idea has been rotting in my brain for far too long. I'm considering turning this into a bigger better oneshot/series or whatever. This idea probably isnt original but if someone else has written it i haven't seen it

Wjwuauwhwjshns2jwjakqjwjdjwi2hwjwhdhe

[needlesandnilbogs]

4, 26, and 30 for the ask game? 🥰

4: a story idea you haven't written yet

... most story ideas I write down whatever comes to me and work on it for as long as I keep my interest up, usually that's a few paragraphs or so? I don't think I really have "things I haven't written" so much as "things I've started and want to finish eventually" lol. I guess the closest thing is the "just a name for the au and a note on the plot or a single sentence" stuff?

... at least for murderbot. I have a lot more discrete ideas with no words for city spies like the superhero alternate universe that @fishyupmywishy and I considered for a while (can't dig through discord dms for all of this but clementine was a hero turned supervillain named Queen Orange (now Dark Orange) and Paris had a chess theme), "#giveMontyAGirlfriend2k23" (monty/magpie shipfic), and a mirror universe.

One day I will write all of these. I swear. also I absolutely do not have an au problem shut up

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26: are you able to write with other people around?

I write everywhere. Very often on my phone, very often when I'm around other people. so yeah.

also I write in linear algebra bc the professor doesn't teach so I'm only showing up for the attendance grade. and in the dishroom when it's quiet and nobody's doing any actual work. so.

the fanfic brain rot is real okay

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30: share a fic you're especially proud of

I did this one earlier but in the interest of practicing being able to talk about my stuff without falling apart in embarrassment, here is a different fic I am proud of: Preserving the Mines, aka what happens when an adhd person raised by historians hyperfixates on 1854 sacramento for a month and then gets really into it. aka what if murderbot and company were gold miners during the second gold rush. (read the tags and keep an eye on the content warnings. it does deal with slavery and the aftermath of the Perkins case)

Since I shared something at most half related when Stars asked this number last time I'm going to share a fun note from my "research" aka do you want to hear about one of the few historical inaccuracies in the fic: the location of the Preservation mining camp.

they should not be hanging around Paradise Beach because there's no gold there nor is it a good place to camp, but there they are bc this is a site I can imagine the physical features of fairly easily. also this is a public river beach now known for both nudity and drowning, things mb would hate.

I have way more stuff about this au I never posted, I should go back to writing 1854 overse's diaries and 1854 mensah's letters to her parents and share some of those eventually lol

[thepaintedlady00]

Heeeyyyy 👋😅

Sorry once again for being MIA. Life has (once again) been absolutely nuts! I've just gotten over being sick again and on top of that I unexpectedly got an axolotl that I'm trying to keep alive and become a good Axolotl mom to. And then there's just the general life things, unexpected car troubles (it's been in the shop for like 3 days and I still haven't heard anything from the mechanic about it so that's fun) and work and household shit and you guys know just life.

I've been mostly offline pretty much all month (a huge sorry to everyone who's been messaging me, I do love y'all but I just have not had the mental ability to do messages as of late) and have really been struggling with writing and staying motivated for Nightshade. I love it and the story and our idiots, but my brains just fried! xD Watching Dune Part 2 also did not help with my brain rot (why do I find the bald bad guy really attractive? Like I really need to take a deep look inside because wow xD)

As of right now I'm kind of trying to decide whether or not to take a step back from Nightshade and write something else for a bit (my Daemon brain rot has also been coming back in waves since the trailers for season 2 aired) but I dunno. 🤷‍♀️ Nightshade is a seriously long fic, like I've been writing it for pretty much half a year now and we've still got over 50 chapters to go. Again, I LOVE Nightshade and all the characters I've been writing but it's just a LOT and it's reached the point where I'm just kinda a little burnt out with it. I dislike pretty much everything I've written recently for it and I just really don't wanna pump out mediocre chapters. You guys deserve better than that and this story deserves better than that.

So, imma leave a little vote down below to kinda gauge what everyone would be most interested in going forward.

I love all of you guys and hope y'all can understand where I'm coming from and not be too disappointed in my absolute lack of presence lately xD

[sunny-sideup-4]

My review on Good Omens Season Two (also posted to Amazon Prime Video Reviews)

This season, this show in general, is beautifully written, directed, and executed. I can't perfectly describe how the story and characters just grab ahold of your attention instantaneously and keep you drawn in the entire time. There is never a dull moment. You become fully invested in the storyline and form a connection with the characters in a way that I, personally, haven't felt in YEARS. Despite the fictional nature of this story, the characters truly feel real and deal with very real internal and interpersonal conflict. This season was a reminder that we don't magically get fairytale endings-- we work for them. We make them ourselves through hard work and dedication. Through growth, change, and communication. I eagerly await the next season.

Now here's the special bit only for Tumblr: I have rewatched this show several times from beginning to end. I have watched it in it's entirety with my girlfriend and begun watching it with friends as well, with the intention of them becoming inspired in the same way I have. This season singlehandedly reignited a spark I had lost in 2020. In 2019, I was diagnosed with several chronic illnesses and began treatments for them in 2020, one week before the pandemic shut down the world. Learning I would forever live in a vessel that would always be sick... was soul crushing. Though things were starting to look up for my health through treatments that helped me manage my symptoms, I had lost the creative fire that roared at the very center of my being. It would come back in short little bursts of easily put out embers. I would write or draw or paint for a few days and then stop for months at a time, only to fall back into the never ending routine of going to work then coming home to lay on the couch in a deep depression that felt inescapable. I found other ways to be creative that were fulfilling- like crochet. I've deeply enjoyed the feel of yarn and hook moving in tandem to create a beautiful piece of fiber art to gift to others or keep for myself. I've enjoyed the peace it gives my over-active brain. There is no room for wild, unruly thoughts when my hands are constantly moving.

However, it never felt the same as it did when I was creating entire worlds in my head to escape into. It never brought the same sense of joy. It was fulfilling but not in the same way that set my soul ablaze. Good Omens Season two has opened a new chapter for me. It unlocked the prison cell that my creativity had been locked away in to rot. I am writing again. I am bringing ideas and stories to life. Plotting the the downfall and glorious uprising of characters once more. I feel alive again. I feel whole again. While I may keep my stories between myself and my close-knit chosen family, I finally have new stories to tell again. Thank you Neil Gaiman, @neil-gaiman. Thank you Michael Sheen and David Tennant. Thank you to the other actors and the crew that worked on this show and brought this story to the screens of the world. Thank you to Terry Pratchett, may he rest in peace, for his part in creating this story with Neil Gaiman. Thank you for telling a story that reaching into my chest and started my heart again. Thank you for telling a story that I could relate to. One that reflects parts of myself that few others can see. I don't think I will ever be able to say enough thank you's to convey how grateful I truly am.

To anyone who shares a story similar to mine- I see you. Keep fighting, keep growing, keep changing. Keep searching for hope in every crack and crevice of the world until you can even just the tiniest of slivers and let that help you to keep going until you can find yourself again. Until you can find your spark once more. I promise you that it's out there somewhere. Sometimes you will find in in unexpected places... like I found mine again, in Good Omens. Don't give up. Please. Please keep searching. Don't leave any stone unturned.

[thisliminalspacedaydreams]

good morning,

41 and 56 for the ask game

Bonjour bonjour! 41 is sad, so happy Friday!

41 - Who’s your favorite character you’ve written?

A bit depressing, probably, but it's Hermione from Echoes. Because she's... incredibly lonely, and she's...essentially (smh) a self insert. I started writing Echoes in November last year after a complicated year in my life where I didn't have much direction and had just lost of a lot of what I thought was my future.

One of the tags is "this is a letter to my loneliness" and it's 100% true, still.

I haven't felt inspired to write Echoes in the past few months because I haven't felt lonely (which is great). Finishing this story while I'm in this really cool, great place is actually pretty hard. I don't want to hiatus it because I DO want to finish it, I'm just... taking the scenic route.

Hermione is pretty traumatised and putting myself back in her shoes is... not a vibe I'm down for at the moment. I go dabble in the pool a few times a months, have a look around, type a few things.

56 - Are there any fics that you would change or rewrite if given the chance?

I'd scrap the last 3 chapters of Heartless and take it another direction.

I've been battling with it for weeks and I'm just... I'm going on holidays and I am going to sit down and re-read the entire thing and make notes and try to dépatouiller all of this.

I wouldn't rewrite anything else, if only because I can physically SEE my writing improve, fic by fic. When I started on another, secret account when I was like, 13, I... I go back to it sometimes and just smile because my god. My GOD. It's awful, and I'm so grateful, because it means progress can happen. Every fic I write is my new favorite fic for a week, and then it dies and is forever forgotten and a new one takes it places, and then it becomes my favorite one, and so one and so forth.

I can't shut up at the moment about MDDM/God eater that I wrote with @greenvlvetcouch, but I'm already brain rotting about the other secret project we've just sort of started dabbling in, and I can just tell it's going to surpass God Eater (in terms of how crazy the themes and the storyline and the challenges and GAHHHHHH I'm SO EXCITED TO START WRITING THIS).

I think for a writer, the experience of writing a fic is very different than for a reader.

God Eater, or any other "longer" fic, is something that takes hours and hours and hours and HOURS to create, you know, so by the time it comes out it's all new and shiny for you guys but we're like "yeah that line was cool 6 weeks ago but I've written a lot more, a lot better, since."

Basically all my previous work is like, cool, but the ones coming are always much more exciting to me, probably because I really do write for myself, and whether a fic does "well" or "not" doesn't impact my love for it at all. I never write in the hope that people will read it. I write to exorcise whatever the hell comes, bleeding, out of me.

This ask game

[sungbeam]

𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐒!

HEY !! HEY YOU, YEAH YOU!! remember to give these authors and the fics all the love they deserve! if u liked what u read, reblog it or comment or send in an ask !! cool, ty <3

a/n: hihi everyone! again, i wanted to extend my appreciation to all my fellow writers with this post (ik it's not a lot compared to how much all y'all do 😔), but if you'd like more fic recs, pls do check out my other blog @luv-beam!

**NOTE: lol 🤡 i do apologize if my bias(es) show per group !! i love every member of every group but some rot my brain a little more than others 🤧😭 i also haven't done a lot of reading lately ,,, this is an accumulation of like three months

NCT

his same, old, safe bet (jeong jaehyun) — @jaehunnyy

not finished just yet but it's off to a brilliant start !! we love yn's "bitch who r u" attitude toward jae lmaoo

swiper no swiping (lee donghyuck) — @/xosimo (linked my rb bc they deactivated 😭)

I WAS SWOOOOONING like omg hyuck is so attractive pls and just the unfolding of events and the build up? yes.

inevitable (na jaemin) — @korijime

dude the vibes r so immaculate in this piece, like the soft sort of atmosphere and the low-key confession style mwah

SVT

11:23pm (kwon soonyoung) — @xuhuihuis / @.maiademia

okay i admit i'm a little obsessed w this (maybe cuz it was my request so i must promote) but it was also written so well and hoshi is so nOm

love on the air (hong jisoo) — @suhnshinehaos

joshua hong 😔✨ ugh such a romantic,, both of them r two idiots in love but isn't that one of the best tropes?

pocket money (choi seungcheol) — @ethereal-engene

found this realistic in a good way!! cheol would be so cute all flustered and he *would* catch non-carat eyes too no doubt 👀👀

the way seventeen breaks your heart (performance unit) — @moonsolie

broke my heart </3 into seventeen+ pieces </3 if i love angst, then this was my ride or die

i less than three you (xu minghao) — @junshine (they deactivated unfortunately :( but i'll link my reblog!)

although op deactivated, pls do continue to read and enjoy their work :') it was so well written and i loved it so much

"i'm here. it's ok. you can cry. i've got you." (kwon soonyoung) — @holdinbacksecrets

comfort to the max ; i cannot tell u enough how much i loved this like ,, oh god i found this when i was not in a good spot and it just made me feel ,, seen?

order up (yoon jeonghan) — @leejungchans

my love for trickster jeonghan is thru the roof 😔😭 this was so so cute (and funny watching jeonghan not get the reaction he wanted skcjdj)

vernon heist au (chwe hansol) — @freakyfriedrice

i LOVED the uncharted movie and to be blessed with this au ?! like dream come true omg i loved this beyond words ; flustered vernon >>>>

TXT : i'm sorry txtblr i was and am in a beomgyu crisis.

nap of a star (choi beomgyu) — @blue-jisungs

omg literally mE WHEN?! (´Д⊂ヽ soft moment to the soundtrack of clownery, my favorite </3 u know u like them gyu õ_ó

8:55pm (choi beomgyu) — @4ure2

dUUDE the imagery in this one? i felt so many things, and this man goes and says this 😔 denial fr but sighs ,, that's love ig

balance game (choi beomgyu) — @yeonjunszn

low-key down bad for this trope, like /bruh/ u like ur best friend?? own it?? ; also this is funny asf even tho beomyn r lichrally dumbasses 🤕🤕

2:37am (choi beomgyu) — @ijhyo

now THIS was simply UNCALLED FOR my heart cannot take this like goodbye. this is all i want.

SKZ

king candy (han jisung) — @petrichor-han

how can i not put this hanji fic on here õ_ó READ IT, it's so cute and a holiday staple for me atp

poisoned fangs (kim seungmin) — @petrichor-han

i have so much to read from rain's m.list and i don't often read like horror-ish things? but i thoroughly enjoyed this one (i also have a weird thing for morbid reads 🤡)

probably up (bang chan) — @loveliestfelix

why we love christopher bang chan (´Д⊂ヽ ugh there was something so warm, mellow, and comfortable about this one and the ambiguity of potential lovers was also super refreshing

6:26pm (bang chan) — @daydreaminskz

i've actually never seen this kind of situation written before, and tbh i'm so here for it like the domesticity and chan being cute as always (i'm sorry but i might have laughed when he fell 😭💀)

10:43am (lee minho) — @cleyellow-wood

i honestly really love how this was written, like there was something abt op's style and the way lino was portrayed as well that hits the spot

tag, you're it (lee felix) — @loveliestfelix

read the warning so u aren't too surprised, but u will still need a box of tissues ; literally sHivers from this one

ENHA : lmao let's not talk abt my jungwon brainrot either 🤡

you're mine (yang jungwon) — @goldenhypen

em's stuff always makes me like 2489292x more delulu that's a fact like it's short but too sweet i 😔

bookmark (park jongseong) — @crystalsoobin

so so dang cute — even if he did call reader a nerd ig 🤕🤕

kisses nonstop (yang jungwon) — @goldenhypen

this woman posted this on my birthday as if it would not sHOOT ME THRU THE HEART ?!? LIKE U EXPECT ME TO BE OKAY AFTER THIS??

closer (yang jungwon) — @palajae

tbh read this during physics and i am not ashamed bc it was so cute and the pacing was mwah and oh god yANG JUNGWON (´Д⊂ヽ

ATZ

midnight kiss (kim hongjoong) — @i-write-some-stuff

i love whump aus part 28472993 OP U WROTE HONGJOONG SO WELL AND SO AHHHHH

11:54pm (choi san) — @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l

i will say this again and again but this lives in my brain rent free and i need to stalk crys' masterlists once i have the time 😔

june+july fic recs

[mxssromanoff]

i. butterflies

part two

prompt; in which the reader and isabela have no idea that they were set up as each others' secret admirers by your brother and her cousin.

pairing; isabela x afrolatina!reader

warning; a curse word, ooc camilo?, kinda angsty

wordcount; 3.4k

a/n; finally got around to writing this after exam week! unfortunately, i ran out of brain juice and this was the thing i came up with. this was also requested so i hope i didn't mess anything up ajdhadgh (and sorry for the long wait!)

also, reader and isa are kinda bi/pan coded? or maybe they have comphet, idk it's up for interpretation

"Are you not going to open that, hermana?" your younger brother asked.

You didn't need to turn away from your work to know that he was talking about the untouched package on your desk paired with an unopened letter.

“I'm not in a hurry, Matías," you said as you cut up butterfly pieces from an empty iridescent sheet, careful not to make their edges jagged—although splotches of paint on your desk did threaten to destroy them.

“But look at it!" he prodded. “Someone actually took the time and effort to give you something like that.”

You spared a glance at the neatly wrapped gift, complete with a perfectly tied f/c bow and you swore you could catch the smell of flowers wafting from the letter.

“I wouldn't be doing this right now if I'm not in a rush,” you said before pausing to add, “You haven't seen any butterfly ornaments lying around, have you?”

To say that Matías looked suspiciously nervous by that question was an understatement, but your exhausted brain couldn't quite register that.

After all, you had been working all night for a client, as evident by the random splotches of boldly colored paint against your clothes and your darker skin—you were pretty sure there were some in your curls too, although you hoped not.

“Come on, would it kill you to take a break?” he said.

“And how do I know that this isn't merely one of your schemes?” you asked, raising a brow as you finally dropped the scissors in your hands and leaned back against the upholstery of your chair.

“Just give it a try,” he said, pushing the gifts in front of you.

“Fine,” you said, finally relenting. “But if I find out that this is one of your pranks, you're eating raw cabbages for a month.”

“Isabela, my favorite prima!”

“No,” Isabela said as she walked past her cousin, immediately greeting him with vibrantly colored flowers hitting him in the face—he was lucky they weren't poison ivies.

“I haven't even said anyth—”

“Not interested.”

Her foot was already on the staircase when Camilo blocked her path.

“What do you want?” she seethed, not in the particular mood to deal with any of her cousin's schemes. All she wanted was to lay in bed and rest for the day. Was that too much to ask for?

“So you know about that secret admirer of yours—eek!”

Isabela rolled her eyes and pushed him aside, not wanting to hear yet another word from Camilo's mouth, as she continued ascending the stairs.

“Did you even give it a read?” he asked.

She did not. Besides, it wasn't like she didn't have a mountain of confessional letters rotting away in some corner of her room.

It was quite flattering, really, that people still liked her even after she came out of her phase of perfection, but someone like Isabela had no time for romance. Not yet anyway, at least.

“If you have nothing else better to do, just go bother your hermana or anybody else.”

"I would buuut...this is for you," Camilo insisted. "And Dolores is already with Mariano."

"Then tell the guy that I'm not interested!"

"Actually—"

Isabela sharply turned on her heels and glared down at her cousin who nearly stumbled backwards with her abrupt halting. She crossed her arms against her chest, clear exasperation written all over her features.

"Actually what?"

"Actuallyyy..." Camilo trailed off, looking away before shoving the letter into Isabela's hands and running away. "I think it's best if you just figure it out yourself! Bye!

"Camilo!"

"I'll come back for your response later!"

Isabela stared at her primo's retreating figure in utter disbelief and if looks could kill he would have dropped dead then.

Groaning, Isabela clutched the piece of paper in her hand and stomped off towards her room, fuming. Well, there's another letter to her trash collection.

Except the moment Isabela entered her room, she turned to look at the letter in her hand and only then did she realize that her secret admirer hadn't even bothered choosing a clean paper. It was covered with splatters of ink and paint, very much unlike the previous ones she'd gotten.

It was a tiny detail, yet one that piqued Isabela's interest. She went through all that headache with Camilo so she might as well read it.

With a sigh, Isabela carefully opened the piece of parchment, expecting cheesy lines or some letter of adoration...only to be met by a single sentence.

Please scream if you're being held captive.

She snorted at that. What kind of secret admirer would write that just because she hadn't responded back?

Yet Isabela couldn't help the amused smile growing from the corners of her lips and with a roll of her eyes, she finally slid in front of her desk to write a returning letter.

If I was held against my will, I don't think I'd be able to scream...although, I must say that you aren't completely wrong in that aspect.

You had been reluctant to open the letter just moments before, unwilling to fall for whatever schemes your brother had in that head of his, but since you actually had nothing better to do that day, you decided to just go with it.

You thought about throwing the letter away and just leave the conversation at that. However, the second you picked up your pencil it wasn't a sketch that you came up with, but another note addressed to this "secret admirer" of yours.

Wrong in what aspect? That you've been caught by my "irresistible charms"? You flatter me.

Isabela nearly laughed at that. Her? Caught by her secret admirer's irresistible charms? It was laughable. She didn't even know what he looked like.

She glanced at the vibrant blue butterfly ornament seating on her desk, its iridescent wings glowing in a myriad of colors as it bathed in the golden light of the sun spilling through her window.

At least he had some interesting talent.

"Don't forget the flowers," Camilo whispered. Isabela glared at her cousin over her shoulder.

"Why would I give him flowers? He's the one courting me!"

"For their...butterfly collection?"

Isabela stared at him, and it took a lot of back and forth's before she was finally convinced—or rather, annoyed to the point that the headache was too much to bear—to send her secret admirer...some flowers.

Obviously. We wouldn't be talking right now if you weren't so worthy of a swoon. Anyway, I might be wrong but a source told me that you liked butterflies, so perhaps some marigolds and celosias to enhance your collection?

You held the bouquet close to your chest. You had seen a lot of colors in your lifetime, mixed a few more for your canvas, but none ever came close to the vibrancy as the ones you held in your arms.

As an artist, it was something that you could truly admire for hours. The arrangement itself was already an art of its own.

Though, of course, you wouldn't let yourself be swayed so easily.

As you set the bouquet aside, you sat down to write yet another response.

"Someone is happy," your hermano commented with a grin to match your own.

"Shut up," you said, giving him a playful nudge with your arm before turning to look back at your handiwork. A bracelet made out of butterfly sequins and some chains.

It wasn't anything special. You just enjoyed making simple jewelry out of butterfly sequins in your spare time.

“You know, I could already hear abuela from the grave.”

“Oh, really?” you said, amused. “What is she saying?”

“Y/N, why are you staying in here and not chasing after the love of your life!” he said with an attempt to imitate your abuela's voice.

You laughed and rolled your eyes at your brother. It wasn't like you knew who your secret admirer was. During the month of you two exchanging gifts and letters, his name never even came up and though you've enjoyed the intrigue of the anonymity of it all, you did wonder just who this mystery person was.

“Well, abuela,” you started. “There is no love of my life."

"You say that but you couldn't wait for the next letter," your brother teased. "Oh! And those dreamy sighs and faraway look you get whenever you think about—mhpmf!"

You picked up a pan de queso on your table and shoved it into his mouth.

"I can't call him that when I don't even know his name, Matías," you said. "Or what he looks like."

"...He?" your brother asked as he swallowed a piece of the bread.

"Yes, he, my secret admirer," you sighed, cutting up another cardboard. "For all I know you could have just picked up a random old man off the streets of the encanto to fill up the void that's supposed to be my love life."

Your brother laughed awkwardly. "Err...About that....I think I have something to tell you—"

"Ah, crap, I ran out of glue again," you said as you started to stand up from your seat. "I'll be back. Don't touch anything."

"Wait, Y/N—"

You turned to him. "Do you want me to buy you anything?"

"Um, no, I just—you know what? Some more pan de queso would be nice."

It was a lovely day out in the village. All sunshine, no rain, people going about their day with smiles plastered on their faces. Best of it all?

Isabela wasn't forced to sprout flowers every second of the day.

"You should get him this," Mirabel said, grabbing a ridiculously colored poncho from some random stall in the market.

Isabela rolled her eyes playfully. At that point, everyone knew about Isabela's secret admirer. Camilo just couldn't simply keep a secret for the life of him if it meant teasing his eldest prima.

"Funny, Mirabel," she said sarcastically. "Now go get what you came here for so we can get home faster."

"What, so you can write letters to your super secret lover?" her younger sister teased. Isabela stared at her, unamused. "Alright, alright, I'll go get the fabric—but I'm not wrong, am I?"

Isabela flicked a flower at her sister's face, although a smile was present on her lips. She wasn't wrong. Writing letters to her secret admirer had become the highlight of her days.

From sarcastic flirtations to talking about your days to telling each other about their secrets nobody else could have possibly known, it was something that Isabela slowly grew to cherish in her heart. In fact, the mere thought of it was enough to make her heart flutter.

Though, there was still the problem that she still had zero clue on who had been sending her the notes and gifts.

"I'm gonna go buy mama's ingredients," Isabela said as the flower finally fell from her sister's face to reveal a shit-eating grin. "Don't go causing trouble anywhere."

"Don't worry, we'll be home before you get to see your next letter."

Isabela rolled her eyes with a sigh but said nothing more as she turned to walk away, only to bump into someone else.

She stumbled forward, being caught off-balance then whirled around to see another person on the ground and a bunch of bags lying around.

She immediately went on her knees to help.

"Are you okay?" Isabela asked, gathering some glue, some iridescent sheets of paper, some bread—okay, maybe not the bread. Those were no longer edible.

"Yes and I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to bump into you," the other person said as she quickly bundled up all her belongings while mumbling something about Matías probably not minding dirty bread. "Are you okay?"

"Well, yes I'm—" Isabela froze when she finally looked up to turn to the most beautiful person she's ever laid her eyes on. Y/N Muñoz.

And it felt like seeing you for the first time again. The sun casted over your figure, giving a golden ethereal glow to the absolute goddess that you were and Isabela swore she was hearing angels sing.

"...Isabela?" you said.

"Fine!" she blurted out, startling you and herself. "I mean I'm fine, are you? No wait, I just asked that."

Laughter bubbled up from your throat, a sound that was a blessing to her ears, before you pointed at her head. "You have flowers on your head."

Isabela felt her cheeks growing warmer as her hand shot up to remove them.

"Here, let me," you said, stopping her as you grew closer to remove the flowers on her hair. She actually felt like fainting there and then, suddenly forgetting everything that happened in the past month she hadn't actively sought out to catch the briefest glimpse of you. "...and I think that's it."

"Th-Thank you," Isabela managed to sputter out before remembering that both of you were still on the ground...or that she still held your belongings. "Oh! These are yours."

You took the items in her hand, your fingers briefly brushing against hers. Isabela nearly melted but she had to remind herself that there was someone else in her life now.

Besides, everyone knew that you were unattainable with how you brushed off every single suitor in the village, including Mariano himself before being set up with Isabela.

"Thank you," you said as you stood up from the ground, brushing away the dust from your skirt.

Isabela did the same, although she couldn't help but admire how you decided to dress yourself, the colors of your clothes perfect matching your dark skin.

Then her eyes caught a glint on your chest. Wait, that looked familiar.

“Where did you get that?” she asked, staring at the dried flower pendant hanging around your neck.

“Oh, this?” you said, grabbing the object of interest. Isabela had failed to notice the way your eyes lit up. “It was given to me by someone.”

“Who?”

“I...actually don't know his name.”

Isabela pursed her lips.

“Is something wrong?” you asked.

“I need to have a talk with Camilo,” she said before turning on her heels and walking away, leaving you confused.

“Hey, Isa—”

“Not now Mirabel!”

“Where is Camilo!?” Isabela burst through the doors of casita and had it been possible, there would be steam coming out of her ears in that moment.

“He's...in the kitchen...? Isa, are you okay?”

“No!" she answered as she stormed past Luisa and as soon as she got to the kitchen, she grabbed her cousin's arm and dragged him over the nearest room. She shoved him inside before locking him with her, blocking off the only exit with her vines.

“Uh...what did I do?"

“What did you do?” she repeated through gritted teeth. “I don't know, Camilo. What did you do!?”

“Yes...that's what I'm asking?” her primo laughed awkwardly, shrinking away from the fuming Isabela.

“Who's my secret admirer?” she asked.

“About that—”

“Just give me a name!”

“It's Y/N!” he squeaked out. “Matías's sister.”

Isabela's face fell.

No, that...that wasn't right. She thought it was just some guy deciding to play with both of your feelings but—no, that can't be.

All this time, she was talking to you and Isabela didn't know what to make of that. Some part of her felt giddy with happiness yet another was just a whirlwind of emotions that partly wanted to kill her cousin.

“You're lying,” she accused.

“I'm not, I swear it's Y/N!” Camilo insisted. “I just thought that maybe you'd finally have the confidence to talk to her if we pushed her to send you letters, and you did! I'm just trying to help!”

And there she thought she was being subtle especially since she's always had a crush on you for years, and for Camilo, out of everyone in her family, to notice that...

“Since when did you know?”

“So remember that time after casita was rebuilt?” he laughed sheepishly and Isabela blinked, suddenly remembering things.

She definitely just talked to Camilo disguised as Dolores who was only trying to get seconds—and neither of them had even told her.

Isabela slapped her forehead.

“Does Y/N know?”

“Well...” he trailed off. “Matías never mentioned anything.”

Cacti appeared on the ground, standing dangerously close to Camilo's feet.

“She called me a 'he'!” she exclaimed.

“Oh, you talked to her—”

“Does she even like girls!?”

“That's up for debate—eep!” a cactus appeared beside his head. “Matías said that he thinks she does!”

“Dios mío...” Isabela said. “You two are basing off of assumptions!?”

“You like her, she likes you, I don't see the problem here—”

“Camilo, you can't just assume what and who people are into!” she said.

“She's into you.”

“Yes, because she thinks I'm a guy! How am I going to tell her that I'm not!?”

“Walk up to her and—”

“It's not that simple! Have you thought about how abuela would react? How her family would react? How everyone else would react? How she would react!?” her voice grew increasingly louder with every question when a knock came on the door.

“What!?”

“I'm just...trying to check in if you two are okay?” came the worried voice of her sister, Luisa. “Is Camilo still breathing?”

Isabela sighed and removed the vines before she opened her door.

“Do not talk to me.” She glared at Camilo before storming off.

Over the course of the next few days, there were no new notes or gifts, or even any news about your secret admirer and you had grown increasingly worried.

Everyday that you waited, your brother would be empty-handed as you handed him yours to be sent out to the mystery guy of your affections.

“Still nothing?” you asked.

Matías would shake his head, an apologetic smile on his face.

And you'd nod your head in understanding. Maybe he was just busy.

The first few notes you sent out were normal, though making sure to ask if your secret admirer was doing okay and telling him that you were always there if he needed anything at all.

Then it grew increasingly worried as you tried to desperately reach out, yet you'd receive nothing in turn.

“Did something happen?” you asked your brother one day.

He'd pause, thinking about his answer carefully. “Just give it some time.”

You'd stare at the ceiling every time, trying to remember what you could have possibly done wrong. Did you say something he didn't like? Did he see you do something that he hated?

All of those would lead to late nights pouring all your emotions into long letters that you never got to send for the most part.

You watched as the flowers in your collection wilted with nothing else to replace them, leaving a rather depressing view of your once lively butterfly collection.

Sometimes you'd cry, though you still hanged onto that sliver of hope that maybe he'd return again.

The lack of response had left you heart broken and hurt after a while, a little bitter even.

Was I only a game?

You'd write to him.

Was I only some other girl to add to your collection?

Some days, you won't even eat, preferring to lock yourself up in your studio to drown yourself with work. Sometimes, it worked. Sometimes, it didn't.

Are you happy now that you've conquered my heart and left it in pieces?

“I don't think you should write anymore,” Matías said one day as you handed him a piece of paper, looking at you in worry.

“One last letter,” you said, sounding tired. “And I'll forget about him.”

“Hermana—”

“Please,” you pleaded. “For me?”

Matías stared at you before he finally nodded his head. “Fine, but no more after this.”

If you ever cared about me, meet me in front of the chapel at 10PM tomorrow night. I'll be waiting.

Isabela turned to look at the clock on her desk. 1AM. Guilt pooled at her stomach.

She's read every letter you've sent, felt the weight of every word you wrote yet nothing was enough to overpower her fear of how you'd react or what everyone else's reactions would be.

Her abuela might have accepted the fact that she didn't want to be with Mariano, but she was still expected to be with a man.

And Isabela still had the lingering fear of disappointing her abuela and her family. It wasn't something that could be taken out of her system easily.

She thought about going to you and explaining herself, but...it was better that way.

You'd forget about her and move on, maybe find some nice guy who won't be forced by his cousin to mislead you.

And maybe someday, she'd find the same thing too.

[rose-of-tori]

WIP Tag Game

Rules: Posting a list of current writing works in progress. Feel free to ask me for info on any of them, whether snippets of writing, plot details, main characters, etc. Send me a work listed below and I’ll share something related to it. ;)

many many thanks to @rose-nebulijia for tagging me!! Tbh my writing life has been chaotic af lately, but hopefully I can buckle down on 1 project at some point lol

things I'm working on (or thinking about but not actually working on because that's who I am at the moment...)

Rot (DMBJ). Putting this one here since I haven't finished writing the last chapter yet, even though most of it is published. No lie this story totally consumed me for like a month. It was supposed to be super horror/supernatural, along the lines of The Guest, but it became a lot more low key creepy/unsettling vibes? Took me a while to stop being disappointed in it for not being what I intended, but I finally started to just appreciate it as is.

Da Qing/Shen Wei friendship quest thing (Guardian) that I started thinking about nearly a year ago and have written NOTHING for so far lol But I need more of these two being kickass awesome bros who bond over the hardships of dealing with ZYL on a daily basis.

A super depressing Wu Xie/Pangzi friendship thing that takes place during Xiaoge's time behind the gate. This whole thing literally spawned out of one line in Rot and explores the difficulties PangXie's friendship endured during that time.

PingXie ghost AU. I went to a spooky fiction writing panel a few weeks ago and one of the writers said being a ghost is basically being in a constant limbo of slowly losing your sense of self and my whole brain screeched to a halt and I mentally slammed my hand on the table and screamed XIAOGE THE SAD AMNESIAC GHOST. So that's a thing now.

Now that I'm done with uni (8 years and 4 degrees later *weeps in student*) and I don't really have a job yet (*weeps in adult*) I'm hoping to devote more time to writing. There's several on this list that are so nebulous they're not worth mentioning, because my brain keeps generating more and more even as I frantically try to get all the ideas down and beg for it to stop.

Feel free to ask me about any of these or hmu if you need a sounding board for your own ideas. I want to talk writing with people, you feel me?

tagging with no pressure: @laireshi @alxina @pissmeoffanddie @intheyellowandgreen @daydreamorama @achray1 @eirenical (sorry if anyone was double tagged!)

[ofdreamsanddoodles]

I think what helped me deal with FBS (fandom brain syndrome) is that my first fandom, mlp, a fandom I joined at 12 gave me a major case of FBS and made me chronicly miserable. Absolutely despised everything including the source material by the end. So like a case of chicken pox I was caught FBS once and therefore was more protected from it from then out. So nowdays I try to look for media that is well put together and enjoyable with/without the fandom. The only reason I haven't completely kicked my dependence on fanfic is it's more easily accessible and digestible which makes it easier to fit in my busy schedule (and also makes for great bed time reading because it doesn't keep me up) but I don't think I mind the fact that I don't read 10 books a month? I think I'm fine with reading a couple of books every few months if those box are going to keep me thinking for those said months

yeah, that definitely sounds like a good way to kick yourself out of that kind of mindset! it wasn't a completely miserable experience for me, but i think i ended up in a similar mindset with su. a lot of people i knew were planning on rewriting parts, and I had written fics until it just occurred to me like... wait. why would i spend so much time on stuff i don't like? i listen to a few different publishing podcasts so i think that helps keeps things in perspective, too. i do definitely read a lot of fanfics sometimes but i think fanfics can be a nice low spoon activity. it's not an inherently bad thing! there are definitely fics out there that've made me think a LOT about the original work, and get me more excited about the characters.

also, every time i read a book, i always try & write down my favorite things about it & what it did best from a writing standpoint. sometimes i do this subconsciously with fanfics, too, and i think there's merit to reading something from someone who is still like, working on their craft, but a lot of the time i've read fics its just been to like, waste an hour. so i understand you completely. it definitely rots your brain if you consume too much but much like candy it is delightful to experience so long as you remember to brush your teeth (consume original content every so often)