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liliannasprereadmediathek · 9 months ago

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Don’t worry, we won’t question your reality. There really is a new episode out today ;)

Join us as we discuss Gaslight (1944) and try to shed some light on its more well-known progeny - ‘gaslighting’💡

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What can adaptation theory tell us about how language evolves, the use of therapy speak, and the role of media in our understanding of medical terms? Let us enlighten you… 🕯️

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🕯️💎🏚️🎶👰🧤🖼️

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To listen, head to the link in our bio, or find us on YouTube, Spotify, or your podcasting platform of choice 🔗

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For German, English, Arabic and Turkish speakers (also available in simplified German and German Sign Language) in Germany please visit https://www.frauen-gegen-gewalt.de to find local support in cases of domestic violence

Episode content warnings: murder, domestic abuse and violence, emotional manipulation and gaslighting, including interpersonal, medical, political, and institutional gaslighting. Mentions of institutional racism and white supremacy. Neither of us is a mental health professional and we will be looking at these issues from a cultural perspective.

#Gaslight #Gaslighting #IngridBergman #AngelaLansbury #GeorgeCukor #Gaslight1944 #CharlesBoyer #JosephCotten #MGM #MoviePodcast #LiliAnnaPod #LiliAnnasPrereadMediathek #queer #FeministPodcast #QueerPodcast

📝 Shownotes: 📝

📼 Preread text (Rowan Ellis, https://youtu.be/SMFll3aIbmo)

Primary Sources:

🎞️ “Gaslight” (1944) (dir. George Cukor, wr. John Van Druten, Walter Reisch, John L. Balderston) (Screenplay: https://www.scripts.com/script/gaslight_8807) 🎭 “Gas Light” (1938) (wr. Patrick Hamilton) (premiered at the Richmond Theatre in London) 🎞️ “Gaslight” (1940) (dir. Thorold Dickinson, wr. A. R. Rawlinson, Bridget Boland)

Secondary Sources:🌐 APA Dictionary of Psychology Definition of “gaslight” (dictionary.apa.org/gaslight) 📰 “Donald Trump is Gaslighting America” (2016) (Duca, Lauren) (www.teenvogue.com/story/donald-trump-is-gaslighting-america) 📼 SciShow Psych: “Gaslighting: Abuse That Makes You Question Reality” (2017) (youtu.be/ImBEhNku_YA?si=QimAV-ZdRhigQDEO) 📚“Adaptation and Appropriation” (2005) (Sanders, Julie) 📼 The Take “Gaslighting, Explained | What Does It Meme?” (2021) (youtu.be/eN4la0xOBdM?si=Fh6tClaShAVnoE8B) 🎞️ “The Truman Show” (1998) (dir. Peter Weir, wr. Andrew Niccol) 📺 “Gaslit” (2022) (Starz) (cr. Robbie Pickering, dir. Matt Ross) 📰 “The Limits of Therapy-Speak” (Volpe, Allie 2023) (www.vox.com/even-better/23769973/limits-therapy-speak-narcissist-gaslighting-trauma-toxic) 📰“‘That’s triggering!’ Is therapy-speak changing the way we talk about ourselves?” (Morgan, Eleanor 2023) (www.theguardian.com/society/2023/aug/20/triggered-toxic-narcissist-are-you-fluent-in-therapy-speak) 📰 “What is gaslighting?” (Wilkinson, Alissa 2017) (www.vox.com/culture/2017/1/21/14315372/what-is-gaslighting-gaslight-movie-ingrid-bergman) 📰 “How to Spot 'Medical Gaslighting' and What to Do About It.” (Caron, Christina) (www.nytimes.com/2022/07/29/well/mind/medical-gaslighting.html) 📺 “Live Your Own Life” (“효심이네 각자도생”) (KBS2 2023-2024) 📰 “Time Magazine 2023 Person of the Year: Taylor Swift” (Lansky, Sam) (time.com/6342806/person-of-the-year-2023-taylor-swift/) 🎙️ “Stockholm Syndrome” (2018) (You’re Wrong About Podcast) 📰 “Bystander intervention” (Wiki) (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_intervention) 📺 “Unbelievable” (Susannah Grant, Ayelet Waldman, Michael Chabon) (2019, Netflix) 🎞️ “They Cloned Tyrone” (dir. Juel Taylor, wr. Tony Rettenmaier, Juel Taylor) 🎞️ “The Stepford Wives” (1975) (dir. Bryan Forbes, wr. William Goldman) 🎞️ “The Girl on the Train” (2016) (dir. Tate Taylor, wr. Erin Cressida Wilson) 📚 “Rosemary’s Baby” (1967) (Levin, Ira) 📚 “The Stepford Wives” (1972) (Levin, Ira)

📱Social Media Handles📱:

IG: https://www.instagram.com/liliannapod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/liliannapod Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/liliannasprereadmediathek

🎹Intromusic🎹: "Wall" by Jahzaar, licenced under Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-SA 4.0)

🎹Outro Music🎹: “Waterbeat” by DJ Lengua, licenced under Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0)

🎹Transition Music🎹: gas burning stove activation and burn by EdR from Pixabay

Old fashioned clock sound by Pixabay

Walking on wooden floorboards by Pixabay

#Spotify

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ennui-gt · 3 years ago

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Here it is. A Piece Of Borrower Content Written Entirely In Stream Of Consciousness:

AN: so this is incomplete and very…needs revisions to the timeline to incorporate some things I added later! It’s the original universe that Mira’s from! I edited it like Slightly to just change Ross’s name to Ross (if u see Max anywhere that’s his old one I just felt like changing it so that’s just him but different. Anyway) Everything's under the readmore tab, cheers!

The Library Fairy:

Basic Plot (Chrono, comic starts from human perspective abt the ‘legend of the library fairy’ ig maybe. Nothing here is permanent cept the characterization)

Part A

1- Mira is borrower currently chillin in a college library

2- She lives off of the cafe on the second floor nd reads lots and lots of stuff about everything when the upper floors close (lower floor open 24/7 but upper floors r vacant p much after 12:00 AM)

3- she starts getting increasingly curious about human stuff cos she’s literate nd books r pry neat

4- it starts one night when she spots an unattended notebook and a half eaten blueberry muffin, nd it’s 12:30 so nobody’s coming back in atm (it’s the 80s so no laptops for the plebians quite yet)

5- so she goes ‘welp’ nd takes part of the muffin, then sees the work on the page and goes ‘hmmmm this is incorrect’ so she helps our and leaves notes here n there to point the kid in the right direction and puts down some book refs for further study bcos at this point she’s been there for 2 years and she knows where most things are

6- she stays behind to see if the human comes back for it, hidden in a hidey hole near the desk

7- human comes in, sees notebook, practically melts w relief nd stuffs it in his bag

8- next day human comes back nd leaves nother notebook and a cookie, along w a hidden camera

9- Mira goes ‘o boy, this a trap, innit’

10- Mira then decides ‘eh whatever I haven’t had contact w anyone in years now so I might as well’

11- she steals the camera film nd leaves a lil scrap of paper saying ‘nice try ;)’ on it

12- student comes back, sees paper, goes ‘dammit’, then leaves note addressed to the ‘library fairy’ and another cookie, as well as more of their work for her to help with

13- bout a decade goes by and now the “Library Fairy” is an urban myth, it’s currently 2003 so she’s also wound up on the school’s unofficial Wikipedia page under ‘local cryptids’

14- most library employees know of her but they don’t go looking out of fear stemming from superstitions bout her, somehow the legend grew from ‘can’t be photographed’ to ‘a student once saw her and died that day’

15- there’s now a small shrine devoted to her where ppl bring offerings hoping to get good grades in return, sometimes they will leave papers for her to proofread nd stuff

16- new prof (named Alexei) finds online article thinks he Knows What’s Up bcos he had a borrower friend as a kid, but they left when borrower’s fam found out about them knowing each other

17- he leaves note wedged in one of her secret entrances behind outlet, asking if she can meet w him at some point

18- Mira, already In it, goes ‘Okay. Alright. This has gone on for long enough. Time to go and never return’ but ofc she’s curious as all hell and like she decides she will at least honor the guy’s request for a convo b4 she goes, but on her terms and w/o speaking face 2 face

19- they Talk in the library after hours, bcos he paid off the janitor to let him stay after hours nd most of the student employees recognize him as a prof nd leave him alone

20- they talk again for every subsequent night

21- she uhhhh finally decides to reveal herself nd prays that her hunch was right nd he won’t try to grab her or anything

22- he doesn’t but she’s nervous so she winds up gettin caught in her own climbing rope like idiot, is now dangling from ceiling in tangled mess

23- he stifles chuckle nd she says smthn sarcastic

24- he moves closer and offers to untangle her

25- she’s like ‘please’

26- so he do, but her grip on the rope slips nd he has to catch her

26- so now she’s in his hand and he just sets her down and now he’s a bumbling embarrassed mess bcos he said he wasn’t going to hold her and he just did and o dear pls forgib him

28- nd she’s like ‘dude u just saved my life it’s fine ur fine chill’

29- internally she’s going HOLY FUCK AAAAAAA but externally, her human’s already worked up enough as it is so she’s gotta b the level headed one

29.5- after a while they both kinda get used to each other more, he gets tenure, they celebrate, some more stuff happens, Aleksei got married (not to Mira, Mira hasn’t actually rly thought about being in a relationship w anyone cos she’s laser focused on gaining as much knowledge as possible)

30- eventually Alexei’s like ‘hey so I’m dean of faculty for the biotech branch now uhhhh would u like actual job teaching students? Cos, uh, you can do it remotely thru online lectures n stuff, no in person interaction, and I uh was just kinda wondering—‘

31- she’s like ‘yes. Yes!!! LET ME HELP PEOPLE OFFICIALLY KINDA’

32- so now she’s a professor, and has revealed her Secret a few times here n there to a number of the faculty, nd she has recorded her own findings in a personal journal

33- ‘humans will treat u like a human if they think ur human first. The kids call it ‘catfishing’’

34- enter Ross, an mall goth who accidentally tripped headfirst into a premed program

35- Mira’s favorite field of study is bio so naturally she’s his prof for a majority of his classes

36- being the good boy that he is, he now knows Mira’s secret. There is an Entire Chapter on him finding out and legit just continuing their conversation as if everything was normal bcos he thought that was how he was supposed to handle the situation

37- then she says ‘u can ask questions, u know’ he’s like OH THANK FUCK CAUSE I HAVE SEVEN HUNDRED OF THOSE

38- and now he kinda knows what to look for in terms of ‘do borrowers live here check yes or no’

39-in his apartment, the answer is yes and he mistakenly kinda stumbles upon the mom one night when he wakes up in the middle of the night for Snack and opts to pretend like its not happening. Unfortunately the thing she was trying 2 borrow (piece of crumb cake for Son Boy’s birthday) is the thing he wants 2 eat so he’s like “uh. ‘Scuse me, ma’am.” and he peels back the saran wrap on the other side of the plate, takes piece, nd then leaves some there for her

40-so now the woman is like ‘welp guess it time 2 Leave’

.1- she and husband Talk

.2-they decide it best 2 go

.3-theyre Packing

.4-lil bab Ellie confused

.5-hawk attacke

.6-cut to Ross

41- Ross also happens to work at a bar and he goes outside for a break

43- he finds smal child—smol smal—on the sidewalk and said child is missing an arm, nd has lost a lot of blood, so he’s uhhhhh Losing It highkey

43.5-parents r nowhere 2 b seen, but the hawk is nearby and circling. Ross gets an idea of what just happened

44- he up and leaves work, thankfully his apartment is above the shop so he jumps up the fire escape w the child and

45- he make tourniquet

46- he calls Mira nd asks her 2 come over to ASAP. he’s A Mess at this point

47- it is Very touch and go, kid needs blood, Mira is the only viable donor so she’s just gotta pray that the blood type is fine and won’t kill him

48- and then eventually they manage 2 stave infection thru antibiotics properly dosed to his size, Mira does Math and Prays basically

49- ‘bout a month in, kid wakes up

50- kid doesn’t rember much since he’s only 3

51- hes v scared of Ross at first but over time he gets used 2 the human

52- kid (elliot) starts 2 call Ross ‘dad’ after a while

53- Ross: *internal screaming but in a good way*

54- the end kinda for now

Part 2

A- New Borrowers In The Building

—three of em. paranoid dad, mom, nd daughter that’s Elliot’s age so he’s pumped

B- Elliot offers them a place 2 stay briefly

C- he knows by now bout like, how borrowers don’t typically interact w humans and Auntie Mira’s a bit of a weird case so he just doesn’t tell em bout his dad being the human

D- the kid finds out first nd doesn’t tell the parents, but they figure it out later kinda and think that it’s a ‘o god he’s being kept as a pet’ sitch so they’re >:| abt it

E- they move out and try to take Elliot w them (by force bcos they think he’s brainwashed) but he escapes and makes it to Ross, who’s like “uhhhhhh”

F- and the mom come out the hole near the counter n starts yelling at Ross, who is…kinda used to it since Mira brings in ppl who need help from time 2 time and they typically don’t react well when they’re lucid enough to understand what’s going on. He’s just not used to being questioned about his own kid

G- so they’re like “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING WITH HIM”

H- and he’s like “r…raising him???”

I- and Ellie steps up and he’s like “this is my dad. I decided he was my dad when I was three. He’s being a good parent”

J- and Ross is like “yeah what he said. I’m a good parent.”

K- Ross is riding that high til the end of fucking time but like back to the story at hand

L- this is when the husband comes out nd is like “lissen. wifey. ily but that is a very big human and he hasn’t grabbed us yet so let’s count our blessings and gtfo”

M- but she’s like “uh no we stay until I’m sure Elliot is Safe and fucking Sound”

N- so they stay for dinner nd stick around a little longer.

O- Val (the kid) gets closer 2 Elliot and also Ross a bit

P- Mira shows once or twice, first time she shows up they’re like “oh god it’s the crazy doctor lady this all makes sense now” (bcos Mira does check up on as many borrower families as possible in her free time so word has got around by now Of her, and the number by which to contact her in case her services r needed)

Q- After a month or so, then they decide to leave bcos they’re like “look we get that ur son is ur son and he only has one arm and in our profession that is kind of a death sentence but we can’t have our kid getting used to dealing w humans who know about our existence” so they go and leave on a kind of sour note bcos Ellie can do anything he wants to do just as well as any other borrower Thank You Very Much and Ross is ready to fite anyone who thinks otherwise

R- Elliot starts trying 2 b more independent, basically from now on he’s like ‘I can do everything my Damn Self Thanks’

S- but uh he does it to a point where he’s going out of the way to endanger himself

T- so they get into a fite about it and ross Yells and Elliot is like ‘kthxbye’

U- and the boi just. Fuckin bolts. Runs Away. Ross is a Mess, he starts smoking again (he quit cold turkey the day he took Elliot in) to curb the depression, he’s jus. Not doin good, worried that his son is dead and the last time they talked it’d ended badly

V- FREEDOM!!!1! Except Ellie doesn’t kno how to take care of himself so it’s a rough month or so and then he runs into some other borrowers livin in their own town in the wild ig, chillin, being hella independent, and he’s like “uh yes ofc I will join u, I was w my dad for a while but.........” he neither confirms nor denies that his dad’s dead but everyone kinda just assumes.

Part 3

W-anyway a year goes by and then the borrower group gets hit hard w some kind of sickness ig. Elliot gets it too he’s basically incapacitated n drifting in and out of lucidity. So. They contact the weird crazy doctor lady who hangs around humans, a.k.a. Mira, and she’s like “oh. fuck. I know this kid.” bcos she does, u kno, and she jus treats em all for their ailment and shows them how to make antibiotic poultice thing in case smthn like it happens again. Mold. Penicillin is basically what it is

X-she and Elliot hav a Chat (Mira basically yells at him a lot) once he’s fixed up and he decides he’s gonna visit his dad but he makes it very clear that he is a Grown Up (he’s not, he’s literally sixteen), and he is living on his own now

Y- he agrees to stay for a week tho since he misses his home a lot tbh and Ross is just. Over the fucking moon to know he’s ALIVE, he’s not gonna fuck up their relationship by insisting that he stay. Or like, by keeping him ofc he would never

Z- unfortunately the borrower community put two and two together and figured out his dad’s human so they have his stuff packed up when he gets back w mira, who’s ready to go the fuck off on them

End 1:

-Ellie is living at Ross’s place atm and hopeful about the future basically. He eventually will go off on his own but he’ll keep in contact w his dad and stuff

Part C.5

55- few yrs later

56- elliot is Adult now he does adult borrower stuff

57- he moves out

58- finds nice borrower gf (her name’s Tess)

59- doesn’t tell her about his dad being human but talks about his dad a LOT

60- so when she asks to meet said father he’s just like “uh. Maybe we don’t do that actually”

61- and she’s like “y tho”

62- and he’s like “bcos”

63- anyway she decides to look into it cos she knows he goes to see his dad nd keep in touch but his dad is allegedly “a recluse who lives in the big scary human’s walls to avoid other ppl”

64- which is. Not true in the slightest tbqh he’s def not an introvert he’s just a workaholic and he Is the big scary human

65- anywho they run into Val and her wife and she’s like “how’s Ross been?” And Elliot is acting Very Suspish so she, being Smart, calls it immediately and is like “oh shit u haven’t told her yet have u”

66- Tess: “told me what”

67- Val: “El’s dad is a human, bro.”

68- Tess: “I’m sorry?”

69- this results in a Big Fight and they separate for like, a month. Elliot blames Val bcos he’s being irrational and doesn’t wanna admit to the fact that lying to his girlfriend for over a year was Real Bad Actually, but over time he’s like ‘yeah it’s my fault sry for snapping at u’ cos he works thru his emotions n stuff

70- Eventually gf comes back cos she’s like “ok so. I understand why you lied to me about your dad. It was a dick move but I do get it and I still care about you a lot. I would like. To meet him.”

80- this is a lie she does not want to meet him she is doing this bcos she does not want to lose Elliot and that outweighs the fear of his dad

81- so they go to meet him but she’s just kinda. Behind the wall at first like “that’s a crazy big human this is crazy ur crazy it’s time to gO”

82- Val is also there bcos she hasn’t seen Ross in a while

83- they eventually coax her out of hiding

84- and by that I mean Val picks her up and drags her out into the open by force bcos she basically freezes up the second she catches sight of Ross and Val’s like “u didn’t come all this way for nothing, bich”

85- they have a Painfully Awkward First Meeting, Tess is trying her best but oh god he’s just too fucking. Larg. Ellie ur dad too big

86- tbh tho the ice kinda breaks after Ellie and Ross get into a fight over smthn stupid (im thinking Elliot grumbles bout Ross’s hair being unruly and he’s worried that mira’s using it like a personal storage system again and Ross is like “I’ve been keeping better track of that actually” and then like a little line of paper clips and a few hand-bound notebooks tied together w some string fall out of his fucking mane and he’s like “I can explain”

87- “dad you can’t keep letting her use your hair like a fucking NEST”

88- Tess is laughing now cos god damn this was not what she was expecting

89- that’s it the end it ends w Tess laughing at them being idiots good times r had by all

Uhhhh that’s it so far. I have More but it’s kinda jumbled rn and I need to fit stuff in places. Anyway.

#was gonna make this into a comic lawl #if I like actually manage to get off my ass over the coming weeks I probably will be able to do that! but yeah #also this was once posted b4 and I deleted it but it’s back now say hellow #Library Fairy #oc: Mira #oc: Ross #oc: Elliot #oc: Tess #oc: Val #oc: Alexei #anyway yeah here it is behold #the uhhhhh most slice of life thing I have ever created

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bijoharvelle · 4 years ago

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What are some alternatives to Siken you would recommend?

SCREAMS i love this question. i love giving recommendations, especially for poetry. let my mfa be useful.

okay so firstly, in a category all to herself, maggie nelson. if you like siken in anyway, read maggie nelson. if you don’t like siken in any way, read maggie nelson. if you have a pulse, read maggie nelson. maggie nelson is the poet siken wishes he was. when siken asks “who are you” maggie nelson answers, “i’m you, but stronger.” siken checks his closet and under his bed at night for lurking maggie nelsons. i cannot express to you how much better your life would be if anytime you reached for a siken poem, you instead read some maggie nelson.

OKAY. now that that’s out of the way. if you wanna read things like siken that aren’t siken just...read the beats. a lot of times he’s just copying the beats and making them queer and repentant and high academia. there’s his gimmick, i’ve cracked the code. so that would be like....gary snyder, lawrence ferlinghetti, allen goddamn ginsberg. other poets who aren’t beats but who are similar to siken while not being fun or exciting to me (like these are all largely str8 whyte m*n, or are just a part of the The Canon): mark doty, charles bukowski, frank o’hara, walt whitman, carl phillips, matthew zapruder, william carlos williams, tennessee williams, mary ruefle and louise gluck. UGH AND FINE PHILIP LARKIN, IG. maybe john ashberry too.

BUT THEN. here are the poets that are similar to siken who i find to be better/more interesting/doing cooler things: maggie nelson still gets top billing, ocean vuong, sylvia plath, ross gay, jennifer soong, maggie nelson again, jericho brown, my personal friend pat rosal, pablo neruda, anne carson, ada limon, sappho, warsan shire, andrea gibson, curtis bauer, matthew olzmann.

go forth and read! and please come back if you want more recommendations!!

#Anonymous

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therossgarden · 7 months ago

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Me: *anxious because I have an exam*

Me: *goes to tumblr*

Me: *sees Stucky fanart*

Me: :D

#stucky #steve rogers #bucky barnes #college #life of a college girl #ross’ personal life ig

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alex-fucking-dempsey · 4 years ago

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songs that give just peak 13rw vibes:

SCRAWNY - the wallows: first of all, this is my fav wallows song so good, secondly, this song just reminds me of season 1 Alex sm because for some reason his hair and weight was brought up a lot sjsjsjsj

Die For You - The Weeknd: honestly this song is so sweet and really gives me those Jess/Justin vibes :(

Everything I Wanted - Billie Eilish: i feel as though this a song clay could really relate to, if he had everything he wanted would have those crazy beautiful parts in his life? no clay wouldnt have his little make shift family and his lil rocks w/o a bit of bumps

Wasted - Niall Horan: This song gives me those really in love vibes so immeadately Zalex because I feel as though they are right for each other (duh i mean...) But i just think high school isnt the right time for them

Too Young - Louis Tomlinson: This song really just hits hard thinking about Hannah and what she had said that most of them had no idea this would spiral and hurt Hannah that bad. I dont really like (like i mean there's certain things thats just super offputting shes likeable id just rather watch clay than hannah sjsjsjs) Hannah, but this song goes out to her <3

Ozone - Chase Atlantic: this is a classic season 1/2 Jess and Justin song but w/ heroine instead of xans ig

End Of the Day - One Direction: See... I rewatched the clannah moon scene and yes i admit it made me cry BUT i found so many Zalex paralells this song really does go out to the ones who fall in love on rooftops

Pacify Her - Melanie Martinez: There was a lot of jealousy from Alex and Justin, Bryce and Zach, Clay and anyone who breathed the same air as Hannah, and finally my person fav Zach and Charlie lots of jealousy i just like the song snd i think it fits all of these

Half Light - BANNERS: i love this song its my fav of all time i just rlly think this song fits a lot of dynamics and friendships like Justin and Bryce; justin really only got the good side of him

The Good Side - Troy Sivan: This goes out to Zalex, Jesstin, Clannah, Tony/Caleb, and Wonty yall each got some flaws but perfectly like complete each other THIS SONG WITH THESE SHIPS MAKES ME EMOTIONAL AND IM NOT TALKING ABT IT NO MORE

Friends - Ed Sheeran: lots of friendzoning *cough* zalex *cough* lots of acting like you like him and you claim you dont *zach* lots of you giving alex AND THE REST OF THE WORLD HINTS THAT YOU DO AND THEN YOU JUST DON'T IG??? im bitter.

When I Look At You - Miley Cyrus: Again, this song really just goes out to Zalex Jesstin and Clannah </3

Atlas - Shannon Saunders: "I get through all of this without a kiss" that one lyric could apply to a lot of relationships in this show such asssss Zalex, Justlex (i will die with Justlex), Clannah, Jannah(?)

Lets Talk About Feelings - Joywave: this song gives me the same feeling i have whenever at the end of every season every person who survived that season is like all together at one place it doesnt have anything to do with it its just the same feeling i personally have

Drunk - Ed Sheeran: Zach and this song are like the same entity- yall SOMEONE GET ROSS ON THE PHONE HIS VOICE WOULD BE SO GREAT FOR THIS SONG!!!

Fireproof - One Direction: "nobody saves me baby the way you do and no body knows you baby they i do" this song gives me the ppl who fall in love on the rooftop vibes no hut srsly this gives some good lyrics that could be heavily applied to Zalex and Jesstin and like Clustin

My Heart Goes Bum Bum Bum - Flatsound: this song. is literal art. Its so pretty fOR NO REASON?? anyways; this song again is more the feel of the song but its in a more general sense you could apply it to any aspect of the show and itd for the most part work i also just love da vibes

Leather Jacket - The Arkells: this song can really go for Zalex like rlly well and Justlex not as well but pretty good

#music #soundtrack #13rw #zalex #justlex #jesstin #clannah #clay jensen #tony padilla #zach dempsey #alex standall #justin foley #hannah baker #13 reasons why

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power-of-plot · 4 years ago

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Armin Arlet x Fem! Reader. Oneshot. -Strong-

The first paragraph is purely a small introduction, just in case you wanna go straight to the fic :)

First of all, thanks for reading this! So! i often considered posting but i'm insecure, today i somehow got the confidence and courage to post -definitely not due to watching anime motivational speeches-. I wanted my first post to be something special so i dived deep down into my thoughts for a couple hours, i'm pretty happy with my choice so hope you enjoy it! My apologies if this sucks.

WARNINGS: Some sadness ig? -Armin being a pure soul. Fluff

Summary: Armin suddenly gets an injury during ODM gear training. After Reiner and his protective nature lend a helping hand, you see beyond the walls of his stoicism, people around him made his lack of strenght clear as day and he seemed to accept it but you never wondered if that caused him any pain at all. He needs to know everything has more than one meaning including what is called strenght, you gladly stay by his side to remind him different doesn't mean wrong.

Year 848 three years after the Colossal titan's misterious appearance, in Paradis Island Keith Shadis trained and yelled his lungs out at what soon would be the 104th Cadet Corps. Like any other day, the young cadets rutinarily trained to master the ODM gear, it all would have been the same as other sessions if it wasn't for Armin Arlet, your close and femenine looking friend who in a reckless (and failed-) attempt of proving himself strong to his group discretly tried performing a complex manouver resulting in him crashing into a tree. The few people ahead of him who stopped momentantarily to admire the manouever slowly resumed their way to the target they've had been assigned, just after a couple minutes of trying to walk bearing the pain the silhouette of someone along with the sound of gas and wires pulling something was getting closer by the second at the injured male. "Who's t-.. oh no.." Being around that person for so long made his oceanic eyes know who that brawny body and short blond hair belonged to inmediately, his deep voice shouting erased all the doubt. "Armin!" Reiner said rushing towards him as soon as his feet touched the the grass. As he looked for injuries, finding a twisted ankle, scrapes and bruises; Armin confirmed his suspicions: Reiner had dropped on what he was doing again just to help a single person. Right when he thought the guilt couldn't turn bigger he heard another familiar voice, this one belonged to a female. "Reiner! I saw you going back, what happened? Wait- Armin?!" Your voice turned alarmed after your (e/c) eyes catched a glimpse of your friend's characteristic golden hair, as if that would magically heal his injuries you rocketed towards your comrades at full speed. The crash- landing was rather ungraceful but it was merely trivial compared to an injured friend "(Y/N) are you-" Reiner held out his arms as he walked towards you but you ran past him leaving him standing alone with his arms opened like a rejected boy "Armin!!" You crouched down to him as it seemed he couldn't stand up, worrying you even more "...Hey (Y/N)... what are you..." His glance went lower as the guilt and shame's hand pushed his head down "What do you mean what am i doing? I noticed Reiner was going back from the front and i couldn't find you!- Hey what's wrong?" You asked after noticing a hint of sadness in his eyes, tilting your head and resting your forearms on your knees "Nothing, i must have hit my head that's all.." -because i dared prove something even myself knew full well- He replied blunty, making an adition mentally. His analytic mind was acting as a double ended weapon, either overnalyzing each and every one of his flaws or making the weight his frail shoulders were already carrying heavier. "Armin get on" Reiner said kneeling down turning his back to Armin so he could get on "Hm? It's not necessary, i-i'll just take my time to- ah!" Without further asking the muscular soldier turned around scooping your friend up from the ground into his arms bridal style, his eyes fixed on the grass and his lips released a soft sigh as embarrasment was displayed on his face. In other situation you'd have joked about how he looked cute being held like a baby but a hunch plus his face kept you completely from doing so. "You want to recover fast, don't you?" Reiner asked preparing his equipment to propulse himself again "Y-yeah but why.." "You'll only worsen your condition if you try walking, bear with it just for a while. Besides, what kind of soldier would i be if i left a friend behind knowing i can help him?" His hazel eyes noticed you were about to say something so he remained still to let you get close "It's okay don't be so hard on yourself i just crashed on the ground a moment ago, how did you call it the other day..? You didn't make a mistake, it was a happy accident! (Armin is Bob Ross.) How did you even find out about that manouever anyway?" "I've been analyzing the instructor's movements for a while now..." You deduced Reiner would take him to the infirmary wich he confirmed with a nod after you asked and so, it didn't take a single second for you to decide you'd go with them. The three of you flew and swung across the forest though it seemed like it only was you and Reiner, Armin was so quiet for a moment you even thought he was asleep.

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"..Thank you very much Reiner" The blond thanked him now lying on his bunk, his ankle was bandaged up and his minor injuries were treateed "No problem, don't do anything until you're sure it won't hurt you got it?" "Don't worry Reiner i'll keep an eye on him 'till he's good as new!" You said cheerfuly with a smile as you sat by Armin's side, not caring a bit you were of the few girls in there. Once Reiner walked to his own bunk with Bertholdt you turned to Armin with a curious look "So what're you thinking about, you've been very quiet so it must be serious. Any new interesting thing about the outside world?" "Not really." His response was blunt again, something was definitely on his mind otherwise you couldn't explain why he wasn't as talkative as always. As he quietly stared at the matress above him you tried figuring out what could be bothering the boy since it was a lost cause trying to make him say it, you learnt this after countless tries, thankfully you could always ask for some help with Mikasa; her skills at everything including reading people were so good it was almost frightening. She wasn't there at the time and you couldn't rely on the others forever, a small leap of faith wouldn't do any harm, would it? There was only one thing you could think of. "Armin you are not weak." Your (e/c) eyes looked straight into his blue ones, silence reigned between you two before he hummed softly as if trying to deny "Why so?" It was as you suspected, he was blaming himself for making a simple mistake (-rolling girl vibes- sorry xd). You sighed resting your back on the headboard as your hand gently grabbed his forearm "You know it's not a bad thing to make mistakes, it's an everyday thing" "If we do become actual soldiers we'll risk our and the other's lifes everyday. This training is hard to make us strong, to make sure we don't make a single mistake that could lead to a tragedy" "You are not weak Armin." Your voice reasured in a firmer but gentle tone, he believed in what he had proof of, you would give him the proof he needed. Before he had the chance to turn on his side your hand grabbed his shoulder, making you two lock glances again, for your surprise small tears were forming on the corner of his eyes "I'm sorry.." "D-don't apologize it's okay! Come on let me help you what are you..?" He sat up shaking his head refusing to let a word out even when the tears slipped down his cheeks, it was painful to see Armin weep yet not ask for help, you've had been told he was like this since his childhood but it still was hard to believe and who knows if his overthinking made dealing with things on his own easier, he wouldn't try comforting himself. You sighed placing your hand on his shoulder and moving your thumb caressing the skin beneath his clothes, small muffled sobs could be heard coming from him "After that day on Shinganshina.. hundreds of people were sent there as if they were able to fight the titans, they didn't care if they were kids or elders- my grandfather went in my place, i know it wouldn't have made much of a difference but" He made a pause to try making his breathing go back to normal and hold back his tears, leaving just a small trace under his eyes "But he raised me, he gave me a name.. and i simply let him go straight to his death- i didn't make any effort to tell him i would go because i was scared.." You had to lean closer to listen clearly to what he was saying since he didn't want to drag anyone's attention besides yours "Sometimes i wonder what kind of things must have he felt when he realised he'd die alone..? I want to become a soldier to keep that from happening again, even though i'm just one it'd make a difference if only i.. wasn't such a weak coward" As he spoke you could almost feel the weight of his guilt resting on your shoulders for a moment, had he always been hiding in a shell? Ever since he was a child? A tear sprouted from the corner of your eye imagining how many times he suffered silently. You put your finger to your lower lip as you analyzed what your next move should be, after all it was Armin you were talking about, not all words would have effect on him "Strenght... physical strenght is not the only important thing, YES it is important in a soldier but the mind also matters! I can't lie, you get scared easily but so do i!. What about the snake from the other day? Someone had to remove it from your leg after you paralyzed but you were brave enough to not kick or scream in panic" Let's accept it you sucked at motivational speeches, your attempts usuallly ended up making him chuckle but it was some progress taking in mind you had no idea how to comfort him at the beggining. This time was no exception, he grew a tender smile but it faded away in matter of seconds "Come on Armin, you may be a little slim but what you don't have here-" Your hands abruptly dropped on his arms specifying you refered to muscles, then, your middle finger poked his forehead making him flinch "You have it here" "..What was that f-" He was cut off by your finger presisng against his lips "Shush- you are smart, incredibly smart you just have to see it! We all fall on our butts and feel scared of small things sometimes but that is what makes us humans, if we didn't feel fear or anything at all we'd be just like the titans!" You felt impressed of your own words, the look on his face made it clear he echoed the feeling. You wathed him move with his hands towards you before pulling you into one of the warmest hugs you've ever experienced; he held you so close and tightly you could feel his heart beating against you. "Thank you." His head rested on the crook of your neck, the gold strings of his beatiful hair falling over his face and tickling your nape slightly. You corresponded the gesture by eveloping him into your arms, slowly moving your palm up and down on his back "No problem....... Christa-"

Oof! That was long, congratulations if you read the whole thing!

#attack on titan #armin x reader #aot fanfiction #armin arlet x reader #armin arlert

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tojiswh0re · 4 years ago

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hey! congrats on 100<3 can i get a male matchup with each 4 animes if that isn’t too much work aha.

so in a nutshell, i don’t like confrontation but i’m honestly really judgemental lmfao, if i don’t like u, u know cuz i won’t take any energy out to talk to u unless i need to and i’ll probably try and get away from u as soon as possible lolll. i’m stubborn, and i’m pretty crazy around my friends. i try my best to make my friends smile and they mean the world to me. i also think i can get annoyed really easily? people who think they’re better then other people are the worst types of people to me.

she/her, i have red curly hair that goes down to my mid back, i have quite a few freckles, and blue eyes. i’m about 5’4 with a leaner-athletic build ig.

my aesthetic changes a lot but i’d say i’m sweatpants, sneaking out at 3am, trying to learn how to shift to have an interesting life, a girl who’s personality is too big for a small town (does that make sense??) paint covered hands and clothes, sneaking into abandoned houses with my friends, cool artsy jewelry, fairies, flowers, butterflies, plants, and picnics. (chaotic ik)

my hobbies r reading, drawing, painting, appreciating art, and listening to music.

my fav subject in school is art (surprise)

i hope i wasn’t being too extra?? idk i’ve done matchups before and i know the more specific u are the better but ya thanks!!!!!

a/n hiya bae <3 it’s no hassle also you’re not being to extra more info helps me,, and thank you :) im only gonna do three instead so the quality of each one is better because it was taking me wayyy too long lol

your haikyuu matchup is....

𝖍𝖆𝖏𝖎𝖒𝖊 𝖎𝖜𝖆𝖎𝖟𝖚𝖒𝖎

i think iwa would love the fact that you’re so into art and he’d just learn to appreciate it with you. he’d also lowkey judge people as well ngl. he loves going on adventures with you in the middle of the night but is very careful that you guys don’t get in trouble or hurt. he also would enjoy just laying down with you and chilling out to music after a long night of adventures.

the date:

hajime would pick you up at the middle of the night in his dad’s car and text you that he’s there to whisk you away out of your small town. you sprint down (quietly) grabbing what you need and hope into the car. you guys would visit famous graffiti sights and stop at gas stations to grab snacks relax. he’d then take you to the city and you guys would go to any shops that dare to be open that late. i think the car would have a sun roof and he’d let you sit on the roof but would hold your leg to be safe :)

the song:

comfortable - h.e.r

your mha matchup is....

𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖆 𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖔

sero would vibe with you so hard. like i could imagine you guys acting like som crazy people and messing around with his tape. or like the image of him trying to stcik you to the ceiling only for you to wriggle about and fall on top of him is what comes to mind lmao. he’d just love to do some crazy shit ngl sometimes borderline unsafe but he wouldn’t let you get hurt.

the date:

sero would would surprise you at your dorm with a ton of paint supplies and just waltz in and drop them on your floor. his face is adorned with a wide smirk because he thinks this is the best idea for a date ever. he proposes to follow a bob ross vid so that’s what you guys do! halfway through he gets bored and decides to cause some mischief, so he grabs his brush with whatever colour paint is already on and paints a stripe down your cheek. you look at him in disbelief and lunge to paint his face but he swivels quickly to pin you down and disarms you. he grabs that brush and paints another stripe then runs away as quick as he can.

the song:

summer - the carters

your aot matchup is...

𝖏𝖊𝖆𝖓 𝖐𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖎𝖓

jean is just so smitten <3 like you help him look at the positives because he’s gotten just so depressed. when he’s with you his whole mood is elevated and focuses on whatever you’re gonna do next.

the date:

an art gallery! jean is a classy guy i’d like to believe. so he’d take you to some fancy art gallery that’s just opened. and it’s just absolutely stunning. he’d look down at you whilst you’re admiring some piece and would be genuinely happy in that moment. and just the way your grinning makes him want to grin. then he’d probably take you too a niche bakery so you can get some fancy cake and then to a supermarket to get wine glasses. then boom you can do the wine glass with cake trend on a little park bench :))

the song:

me and my husband - mitski

#jean x reader #aot x reader #haikyuu x reader #mha x reader #sero x reader #iwaizumi x reader #aot fluff #aot matchups #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu matchups #mha fluff #mha matchups #sage.plays.cupid<3

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bxngthedoldrums · 4 years ago

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worst outfits of the boys?

ALRIGHT !!! ALRIGHT let’s get into it....as always i saved the best (worst?) for last,

panic:

first of all, ryan ross has NEVER missed!!! never !!! he always had the cleanest fits - in fact, he was the ONLY bitch who ever fully committed to the era’s styles, and he was also the only one who was rly pushin the fashion boundaries. i cannot think of one bad ryan look, but i do have one spencer one in mind that haunts me and it’s that weird plaid suit thing he wore to the grammys??? jon never dressed particularly well either tbh but he just didnt give a shit so i commend him. br*ndon had some trash ass fits esp in 2008, including that weird khaki suit jacket.....i’d include a pic but its just so giant and i dont want his face on my blog so enjoy spencer’s look

fall out boy:

okay none of fob were ever rly Dressing i gotta b honest,,, there’s certain recurring elements that rly put the fucks to them fashion-wise tho, and off the top of my head are joe’s sandals and patrick’s ugly as shit hats. they were all notorious for garbage ass looks on the red carpet, too ?????? i hate it here. this photo from 05 haunts me

also fuck this fit

cobra starship:

i think it’s unfair to judge cobra for their fashion because it was sorta their Thing to be trashy and tacky, and i cant hold that against them. suarez dressed the best, and even that is a stretch. they were really good at color coordinating tho so ig i gotta give them that leeway but here’s a good photo showcasing some of the ugliest shit. also i rly like when they’re doing like an Official Event and everyone’s dressed nice but gabe (not this photo but has happened multiple times!!!!!)

the academy is:

any outfit in which carden had his toes out, first of all. william has had some trashy fits too and the one that’s really forefront in my mind is the vest over the tank top and the boot cut jeans AND the sandals, shown in this photo. butcher’s pink scarf also fucking sucked tbh but overall i may dare to say tai was one of the better dressed on the scene, esp after 2006

my chemical romance:

this is where the dumpster fire really ignites. it’s really not a fashion statement, but it IS a fucking deathwish. these other bands could simply use the times as an excuse, but mcr continuously entrenched themselves in terrible outfits and committed so many fashion faux pas that i couldn’t possibly list them all (particularly our usual culprits, the way brothers) i will not roast the band as a whole for Any concept outfit units, such as the revenge suits/bulletproof vest/etc, tbp jackets, or danger days, BUT there were many horrendous standalone looks that we are forced to bear witness to

i want to start formally with the leather jacket that gerard destroyed with his sweat, from 2002 - 2005? i believe. i have posted some unfortunate photos of it on this blog before and i will not clog this post up w more, but it exists and it’s disgusting. it’s truly in a league of its own.

i’m in possession of a pretty terrible image from what i believe to be 2005 at the mtv video music awards. every person looks so god damn awful, i dont even know where to start. frank’s jacket is so ill-fitting he probably stole it off a dead man, gerard’s in this whack ass velvet?? suit??? MIKEY’S SHIT IS SO WRINKLED are u fucking kidding me ....bob looks like a rejected member of pawn stars and tbh ray’s the only one holding this band together at this point

i cannot sleep at night knowing they truly went out like this, but let us continue. i must add the teal roots photo, that certain one, because i am doomed to remember it. the unique and horrifying combination of the neon teal roots, the foundation flashback, the red eyeshadow undoubtedly applied with grimy fingers, the shitty blazer with oddly placed sweat stains, the ugly tie....it’s a fucking DEATHWISH!!!!!! babey!!! what the fuck

i can only include three more photos and my rep would be ruined if i didnt add THIS nightmare. another mtv event, another sad outfit. ray’s outfit sux but being next to these freaks makes him look marginally better, but i wont forgive that skinny tie. gerard’s giving us very “bilbo baggins went to maragritaville in the winter” chic with that putrid tropical shirt and too-small jacket, and mikey??? is avril lavigne??? the juxtaposition of mikey’s huge tie and ray’s tiny one is so fucking jarring, and also his vest looks AWFUL

i feel like i havent been harshing frank’s mellow much, but do not believe for one second that he hasn’t been dressing like shit since the dawn of time. nowadays he wears like 5 layers of shirts just to get his mail, but in the heyday of mcr he was Never presentable. the skeleton apron??? the jeans?? i cant even continue my life energy has been sapped from me

#vintage hell content #I CANNOT HANDLE IT

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destinyc1020 · 4 years ago

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Regarding your post about Tom and Z potentially not being on the same page with respect to their breakup, I'd like to add Tom did mention during the press tour that his life theme song would be My Heart Will Go On, and he also mentioned that his love life has been disappointing. Also, Claire liked that comic con post about two little girls fighting over marry Tom. I, personally, believe she wouldn't have done that if she thought Tom cheated on Z, unintentionally or otherwise.

I agree 100%! 💯 There were definitely a LOT of signs that Tom & Z were on the outs and had broken up already by the time the press tour was fully underway. I even remember some antis making jokes about how they looked w/each other (tense) during the red carpet premiere of the film, and bragged about how they didn’t look like they were dating. At the time, I didn’t think too much of anything because I was so used to them hiding their relationship, but now that I look back w/”fresh eyes” I can clearly see that there was some definite tension there and they were broken up. And I hope nobody got the impression from my response to the other anon’s theory (I’ll just call it the “Ross & Rachel” theory) that I was implying that Tom somehow unintentionally “cheated” on Z. No WAY! I don’t think there was infidelity on EITHER end in the Tomdaya relationship. Like you said, Claire certainly wouldn’t have liked that comicon post if there were. She was even still having fond things to say about Tom in her IG live when she was talking about the stones she gave Tom, and this was even while Z was dating JE. Both sides of their friends and family still follow each other, and I highly doubt that would be the case if there had been any cheating on either end...even UNintentionally. Z posted herself wearing the MJ sweater while playing Spider-man video games after the Tolivia pics. And do we really think Z would have liked Tom’s July 30, 2019 golf post (”Needed this”) if she knew Tom had betrayed her trust on some level? I think not! 😂 Just to clarify, my only point in my comment towards that anon was that IF that theory has some validity to it, it would only mean that sometimes there might be feelings still involved btwn two people after a breakup (feelings don’t get turned off and on like a light switch), and perhaps the communication on both ends btwn them wasn’t always clear. It’s very well a possibility that Z dumped Tom in May, but while during the press tour old feelings slowly started to creep up and it was hard for both of them to just let go completely. It’s always hard seeing an ex with someone else after a breakup, and if they were hooking up during the press tour (like we suspect), then I can def see how that might have caused some hurt feelings.

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niall-is-my-dream · 6 years ago

Text

Songbird - Part Six

“When Erin decides to perform one of her favourite songs at a bar, she didn’t expect one of the singers, Niall Horan, to be in the audience. What started as an appreciation for her cover quickly turns into more than either bargained for.”

(Previously known as Fools Gold, this fic has been edited, reworked and finally finished!)

Thanks to @angryniall for being an amazing beta!

As always let me know what you think.

Em x

Catch up below

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/184528124078/songbird-masterlist

2870 Words

Waking up the next morning in Niall's arms you felt safe and calm. But then you remembered the picture circulating social media and the smile that had adorned your face soon faded.

Niall had met you at yours the night before when you had arrived back home after finishing work. He knew that you would have searched social media on your journey home and seen what people had been commenting on the posts. There has been been an article in the Daily Mail calling you "Niall's mystery red head".

You had talked about everything over dinner and a glass of wine. Considering that no one knew who you were and that the comments hadn't been that bad you felt ok. But in the cold light of a new day, you didn't feel as confident as the night before.

His phone vibrating on the bedside table pulled you from your daze. Niall mumbled an apology as he woke up and leaned over to answer it.

"Hey Marco, bit early isn't it?!" He joked.

But then his smile was gone.

His face was full of concern as he turned his body, his legs falling to the floor and he stepped out of bed. You were left lying in your bed confused as he walked hurriedly out of your bedroom.

Your flat was cold as you walked down the hallway to the living area, the heating had not long come on so it's warmth hadn't filled the air. Niall was stood with his back to you, one hand on the phone to his ear the other frantically running through his hair and down his neck. Red blotches had appeared on his neck where he had obviously put too much pressure on his skin. The sight caused you to panic, whatever was happening on the other end of the phone was serious.

Making your way to him, you wrapped your arms around his semi naked torso, just a pair of white Calvin's covering his lower half. His body was clammy where he had been cosy in bed one minute and then out in the cold of your living area the next.

His hand instantly covered your arms, his thumb caressing your warm skin. When you rested your forehead against his back you could feel the tension in him relax a bit at your touch, your gentle kisses calming him. His breathing was heavy as he listening to what Marco was saying on the phone.

"Yes, I'm at Erin's now."

Pausing your kisses, you held your breath wanting to hear what was said next. But Niall ended the call with a brief goodbye to Marco.

Placing his phone on the kitchen side, he took a deep breath before turning around in your arms. His face was full of worry and you instantly took a step back. But he reached for your hands and held them in his own.

"Um, someone spoke to the press yesterday after our picture was printed and told them who you are. There's an article in The Sun newspaper."

"Fuck..........who?"

"Don't know. Marco and the team are working on it."

"Oh my god. What does the article say?"

"It's someone close to you, they knew a lot about you."

"What does the article say?" You asked more firmly.

"It doesn't matter what it says."

"WHAT DOES IT SAY?!" You shouted.

You knew it wasn't his fault, he had just taken you out for a date. Neither of you expected some random fan to be there and sneak a picture of you. But the fact that he was reluctant to tell you what had been said in the article was frustrating you.

"Says your name, where you work, that you sing at The Courtyard and that's where we met. That we have been seeing each other since before Christmas........" He replied his voice pained at having to tell you.

"And........ "

You knew he was holding back.

"Just that .......they said some not nice things about you."

"Like what?!"

"I don't know, Marco didn't say."

Moving across from the kitchen to the living room, you picked your iPad up from the coffee table.

"Erin...... Just don't look."

"No, I need to see it. Need to figure out who told them."

A quick search of Niall's name and you found the article, a lovely exclusive from Dan Wootten in the Sun.

Surprise surprise.

There was a picture of you from a bbq at your old house. A photo of you and your friend Rob standing at the grill, massive smiles on your faces. It had been posted on your IG so could easily have been taken from that.

Niall had been right, it had stated where you work, what you do. That you and Niall had started talking when he approached you about singing Fools Gold at The Courtyard pub. It even said about you having been to his show a few months ago. Like you were some obsessed fan.

There was no way Kathy would've done this. She was your friend. But she was the only one you had told. Unless someone had recognised you from the picture. But in the picture you couldn't even see your face, just your hair.

The source that gave the information to the newspaper however definitely wasn't someone who was your true friend.

Niall stood hovering by your side for a minute before taking a seat next to you. You read the article twice, trying to see if you could work out who had sold you out. There was no mention of New Years Eve, so it definitely wasn't any of Ross or Amys friends.

The gin bar however was mentioned. But you got on so well with everyone who was out that night, who would sell you out like this and say such horrible things?

"Erin, please stop reading it. It's all shit and you know it." NIall said as he took the iPad away from you.

"Fuck......Niall I'm so sorry." You replied, your face in your hands. The tears started to fall then. Broken pathetic sobs.

"Why are you apologising?! Someone has completely fucked you over." He said as he wrapped his arms around you. "I should apologise to you."

"But your name........your reputation."

"This will be old news tomorrow. Marco has already contacted them about taking this article off their website and getting a retraction."

"He has?"

"They can't go printing such personal information about you like your work place. It's not right. It's a fucking hospital for Christ sake."

"God, I'm going to get in so much trouble."

"It'll be ok, just speak to your boss before your shift starts later."

"Why are you so calm?!"

"Because I have a lot of shit written about me and none of my fans believe any of it. They know I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone like the person you're being described as."

You sat looking up at him for a few seconds registering what he said about spending his life with you, before the ringing of your phone from the bedroom caught your attention. Not really wanting to answer it but knowing you needed to, you made your way to your room.

Donna's name showed up on the caller ID.

"Hello." You managed to say.

"Erin are you ok?" She asked her voice laced with concern.

"So, you've seen then?"

"Yeah, just read it. It was Michelle."

You gasped. Of course it was.

"How do you know?!"

"She was boasting about it last night, they paid her. I should've called you then, I could've helped you not get it printed. I'm so sorry, I didn't realise the article would be that bad."

"Donna, it's fine." You replied.

"No, it's not. Please forgive me, I should've done more, I thought it was all talk. You know what she's like."

"There's nothing to forgive, you didn't sell the story, she did."

"What are you going to do?"

"Not sure. Just do me one thing?"

"Anything." Donna said.

"Don't tell her you called me." You replied, the rage you were feeling deep down in that moment shocked you.

You were frantically brushing your teeth when Niall entered the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" He asked, taking in your appearance.

You'd thrown on some jeans and a t-shirt and were finishing off in the bathroom.

"Can I borrow Willie's car?" You asked him calmly, ignoring his question.

"Only if I come with you?"

"Probably best you don't."

You walked past him and into the hallway grabbing your boots as you went.

"Where are you going?"

"Michelle's. It was her."

"You sure you want to do that?"

"Oh definitely. Now give me the keys." You said holding out your hand.

"I'm coming with you. Give me two minutes." He replied as he walked out the living room.

********

"I know you're in there Michelle!" You said banging on the door to your old shared house.

Michelle didn't work Saturdays, your other old housemate Jess did though and you knew she would have already left by now. You saw the curtains twitch in the upstairs window, she was home.

"Let me in." You shouted.

Niall was stood next to you and you were wondering what he was thinking of about your behaviour. You didn't care if you looked or sounded ridiculous.

Reaching into your pocket you took out your keys and found the one you needed.

"You still have a key to the house?" NIall asked you.

"Yeah, just wanted to give the coward the chance to actually open the door to me first. Wait in the car."

"Nope, I'm not letting you go in there on your own." He replied as he walked behind you into the house.

You stomped up the stairs to the front bedroom where you had seen the curtains twitching. Swinging open the door to find Michelle casually sitting on her bed.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" You screamed at her.

"Whatever do you mean?!" She replied sarcastically.

"Oh you absolute....." You said as you made your way over to her, only to be held back by Niall.

"That's it let your secret celebrity boyfriend hold you back."

"Hey." Niall said. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"You lied to me." Michelle said.

"So, you sold me out to a newspaper because I kept this a secret from you?!"

She nodded. "I thought we were friends. You know, who tell each other everything."

"Are you joking?! You're nothing but rude and put me down all the time. You can't keep a secret to save your life unless it's to protect you. And why do you think I was so desperate to move out of here?"

She just sat there, her smug little face not even faltering. You were in no way a nasty person but you couldn't stop the words from pouring from your mouth.

"Did you know that Jess is saving up to move out to? Asked to buy somewhere with me. Did you also know that Andrew knows about your stupid crush on him and won't come near you because you're such a slut!"

She gasped then, that wiped the smile off her smug face.

"Maybe you should sort out your own life out instead of going around ruining others." You said taking Niall's hand and walking out of the room.

Your hands were shaking and you were sweating as you stepped out of the house, the cold wind of the January morning cooling down your face.

"I'll drive." Niall said, taking the car keys from you.

Sitting in the passengers side of the car you fastened your seatbelt. Taking one last glance at the house you saw Michelle in the window again. Getting your phone from your pocket, you opened up the contacts and hit the button saying Pam, Michelle's Mum.

Michelle might have been an adult, but you knew her Mum would be appalled with her and you had no problem with ratting out her behaviour.

*******

You placed your bag into your locker, closing it before taking a deep breath. You could do this. No one will mention it.

Except Kathy did as soon as she walked into the locker room.

"Are you ok poppet?" She asked.

Kathy's big sister nature was shining through. Her eyes were full of worry for you and it was then that you broke down.

"No...not..really." You managed to choke out.

"Come here." She replied as she pulled you into a hug.

The door to the staff room opened and your boss Linda came in.

"Can I have quick word please Erin?" She asked a soft smile on her face.

You nodded and Kathy gave you another hug before you left the staff room.

******

You were in your bedroom when you heard the soft tap of someone at your front door. Dropping what you were doing you made your way down the hall.

"Hey." Niall said as you opened the door to him.

"Hi." You replied as you moved to the side to let him into your flat.

"Are you ok?" He asked clearly seeing your puffy red eyes. Since you got back from work last night after being sent home by your boss you had spent a lot of time crying while reading all the shit you had been getting online.

His fans had been leaving comments on some of your old IG posts. You'd gone private but you hadn't been quick enough to stop them all. Clearly they had believed the article.

"Not really." You said as you wandered down the hall to your bedroom.

Niall followed behind you but paused in the doorway.

"Are you going somewhere?" He asked, his voice low as he surveyed the small suitcase and clothes strewn across your bed.

"Just going to stay with my parents."

"Were you planning on telling me or were you just going to disappear on me?"

"I was going to text, but I was busy packing." You replied not looking at him.

"How long are you going for?"

"Not sure, maybe a week."

"What about work? What about me?"

"Well, considering Michelle told the press where I worked, they need me to take a few weeks off so that there aren't any problems in the maternity ward."

"Shit."

"And you'll be fine, you have work." You replied. You hadn't meant to sound so cold towards him. Your words had just come out that way. You instantly regretted it.

"So that's it is it? You're just going to end things with me without any discussion?"

"No, I just think we need some time apart. It's been a pretty intense couple of weeks." You said as you folded the last of your clothes in your suitcase. You took a deep breath trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill.

But this was his opportunity to get out of this relationship and save himself anymore embarrassment from you.

"Please don't do this Erin." Niall pleaded, his voice breaking.

He made his way over to you, but you couldn't bring yourself to look him in the eyes. He took your hands in his and began stroking his thumbs across the top of your fingers.

"Please...." He sobbed. "I'm sorry they found out about us? I shouldn't have put us at risk by going to that restaurant. I thought we'd be safe. I'm sorry that people are saying crap about you. I'm sorry......." He broke down then. Pulling one of his hands from yours to wipe away his tears that he had let fall. Completely unashamed to show you how he was feeling.

It was then that you looked up at him, tears rolling down your cheeks as well. Lifting your free hand you helped him wipe his tears away.

"I'm sorry too. But it's all too much for me. I just need some time to think."

He nodded, unable to form any words.

"Promise me that you'll come back to me?" He whispered.

"We have something special, I'm not going to throw that away." You whispered back and you hoped he believed you.

His hand moved up to your face cupping your cheek as he leaned in and brushed his lips against yours, worried you'd move away. But you didnt. You moved forward and captured his lips in a kiss that you hoped told him how much he meant to you. His other arm wrapped around your body pulling you to him. The kiss was intense, your body moulding against his. You didn't know when you would see him next and you wanted him to know how much you would miss him.

The buzzer to your door went and you reluctantly both pulled away.

"That'll be my Mum." You whispered, wiping your eyes.

Niall nodded and reached over to your bedside table to get you both a tissue.

He followed you down the hall and you opened the door, your Mum was standing there completely unfazed by Niall at your side.

"Hi sweetie." She said as she embraced you. Taking one look at the broken man beside you before she embraced him the same way. "Niall, it's nice to meet you."

Your Mum didn't say anything about your tear stained faces, just excused herself to use the bathroom. With your Mum down the hall and out of earshot, Niall turned to you.

"Please come back to me. Promise me you will." He begged.

You nodded unable to to say anything in that moment. Your throat felt tight and you could feel another wave of tears approaching.

Niall cupped your face again and kissed you. Neither of you said anything as you moved away and he stepped outside your flat. You watched him walk down the path towards his car, but closed the door before he could turn around and see you.

With your face in your hands, you leaned against your door unable to stop the tears. The soft hands of your Mum pulled them away and she cuddled you close like she always did when you were upset. The comforting scent of her familiar perfume engulfed you, time at home was what you needed.

"He looked broken." Your Mum whispered. "Completely broken."

Thanks for reading!

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