#rosalie has to live with a couple that got everything she ever wanted but doesn't really know how to appreciate it

[eleayzar]

you know, you really gotta hand it to smeyer for writing a 'happy ending' that literally has every character worse off than before edward met bella

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

what if rosalie and emmett got transported into the places of the couple from into the woods immediately before the witch explains that even they could through magic have a child?

Caveat

Can they, anon?

The witch was lifting a spell she herself had placed on the Baker's father and his line: infertility. This was, in part, likely why she was so certain in using it as a bargaining chip to restore her youth and beauty. Rosalie is infertile because she's a vampire and has no menstrual cycle.

We don't know the extent of the witch's power, but she may not be able to turn a not-human into the human or give it a child.

I also don't know if the Baker and his wife had to be the ones to gather the items themselves so as to undo the curse on the witch. She presumably would have had plenty of chances with others to get them to gather the items, she could have convinced Cinderella to give up her shoe, gone to Jack herself, but she only ever deals with the Baker and his wife. I can't help but think that's not a coincidence and she needed it to be them in order to undo the curse her mother had placed on her (along with, of course, not being able to touch the items herself).

(Not to mention Rosalie and Emmett would be very bewildered and likely not want anything to do with any of this and who is this creepy old woman? and where the fuck are they?)

I just love these isekai asks where people assume people just go along with it and believe everything is possible.

But alright, sure.

Into the Woods We Go

The witch blinks as the Baker and the wife are gone, she really needed them. Shit. Well, there's a new couple here and turns out they want a bouncing baby too. So, she guess that works out. She'll uh, figure something out to get the woman pregnant even though she's clearly a vampire.

She hopes these two will count in her mother's eyes because the Baker is just fucking gone so there's nothing she can do.

Rosalie and Emmett bicker about what's even happening and if they should do this. Rosalie wants nothing to do with it, she doesn't like that weird old woman, and definitely doesn't like her promising impossible things or being a witch. Emmett's the one who notes that, while they're lost anyways, maybe they should go into the woods and try. Better to try than not do anything and spend the rest of their lives not knowing. And they only have to get these four weird things, how had can it be? They're vampires, they can get this done in like two minutes or something.

(Emmett doesn't believe this will happen either, but he knows Rosalie will be upset about this forever if she chooses to do nothing.)

So, they go into the woods. There they come across Jack and his cow.

"Well, that was easy," Emmett says, and rather than attempt to buy the cow with magic beans in his pocket (that he hasn't realized are in his pocket), Emmet just steals the cow by lifting it over his head and running off.

The cow then dies of a heart attack a few minutes early.

"Shit, we've got to find another cow" Emmett says and Rosalie can't even. She's going to... look for the hair or the shoe.

"Isn't that your hair?" Emmett asks but Rosalie points out that her hair is gold, not corn-yellow thank you very much. Also, they're not cutting it. It is not happening. She is barely involved in this venture.

So, they continue on their journey looking for either a corn-yellow blonde, a nice shoe, or a red cape.

And oh look at that, a girl with a red cape. Emmett wastes no time and steals the cape from the very sad Little Red (who barely even realizes what happened).

"Emmett, did you just steal from a little girl?" Rosalie can't believe him, she wants him to give the cape back.

"But baby," Emmett points out.

Rosalie really really hates this but... no, she is not willing to give up the possibility of a child, however small, for a cape. She instead has Emmett throw money at the girl so she can buy a replacement.

This trip is garbage.

Wandering around even longer, they run into Cinderella running away from a ball. "YOINK!" Emmett steals one of her shoes, Cinderella is very upset and can't believe these people. She needs that! Rosalie leaves her a pair of replacement shoes and some money.

She's dreading coming across the blonde whose hair they're going to have to hack off. And sure enough, there's a tower, and there's a lot of blonde hair.

"She won't even notice" - Emmett.

And before Rosalie can stop him, he runs off with a chunk of hair. It won't help the maiden's haircut but Rosalie leaves money anyway.

Now they just need a cow again.

Cue the kerfuffle as the witch reappears and notes the hair is no good, they're going to have to saw off Rosalie's, it's close enough.

"My hair!" Rosalie cries.

"But baby," Emmett points out, and Rosalie acknowledges that she can't give up the possibility of a child for the sake of her beautiful hair. Rosalie cuts her hair.

Now we get two options: it either doesn't work because it's not the Baker and his wife, the hair's not corn-yellow, or some other reason. Or we'll bullshit and say it does.

If it doesn't, they stand there, and Rosalie is so very upset that they did all those things for nothing. "But look on the bright side, Rose, now you know it just wasn't possible" - Emmett

If they do then... well... Rosalie gets a baby but theyr'e still vampires so...

It's not going to end well.

(The kingdom is not terrorized by giants, but Jack and his mother do presumably die in poverty as he's unable to sell Milky White and Little Red is eaten along with her grandmother.)

[yoomiii123]

The fact that SM wrote a 'happy end' for the twilight saga that literally has every character worse off than before Edward met Bella will never stop being hilarious to me.

Except for Bella's human classmates. They are doing great.

[bubbleteaimagines]

One-shot: Y/n Is Spiderman(Andrew Garfield Version) and goes to Forks High School, and Is a loner, and orphan. The Cullens are curious, about him, because Edward can't read his mind because of his Spider-Sense, and Alice can't see his future. Also because his blood, and scent acts as an anchor to The Cullens to control their bloodlust which makes them appreciate him more, and're always near him in school so Jasper doesn't go outta control.

the amazing spider-man

twilight one shot

twilight & spider man crossover, male!reader x the cullens

no warnings really

your senses were in overdrive as you entered the small cafeteria. not just because you were now surrounded by hundreds of chatty teenagers, but because they were there.

the cullens has been on your radar for quite a long time. having fought vampires before, it was your nature to inspect them before they became a threat.

you had known that the cullen’s were a ‘special’ breed of vampires, choosing to only feed on animals than humans.

it was nobel act but still, you had to be cautious.

you took a seat at an empty table and gently set your lunch down. after months of attending forks high school, you still hadn’t made very many friends. instead, you preferred the silence of being alone.

you took a bite out of your sandwich and just as you did, you smelled them.

looking up, you saw the five unnatural creatures walking into the cafeteria like they owned the place. the blonde, rosalie, was scowling at all the people that gawked at her. the burly brunette, emmett, had an arm around her protectivly. jasper, the one you knew had the most trouble controlling himself, was being reassured by his mate alice. and edward...well...he looked the most normal as he wore an expression that was downright miserable.

you noticed them the second they entered the cafeteria. your senses tingled, warning you of danger. but they didn’t seem to notice you though, at least not yet. it would be a couple seconds before edward realized that he couldn’t read your mind, and that your blood was calling out to them in a way different than everybody else’s.

you slumped back into your seat as the curious vampires turned to you. with your hearing, you knew that they were talking about you.

“do you guys smell that?” emmett asked his siblings, nodding his head in your general direction so fast you almost missed it.

“it’s coming him,” edward hissed, motioning towards you. “i can’t read his mind.”

“and i can’t see his future, either,” alice said worriedly.

“do you suppose he’s something supernatural, too?” jasper asked.

“not likely. just a really rare human,” rosalie said.

you almost smirked. oh, if only they knew.

shaking your head, you leaned back into your seat. you had biology with edward and jasper next. you’d learn more about them there, but for now, you enjoyed your lunch and let them speculate over who exactly you were.

the classroom filled up quickly.

and you were late, no thanks to flash thompson, a boy that seemed to have it out for you ever since you arrived.

he had tripped you in the hallway, and because of this you weren’t able to get a good seat.

you were hoping to be somewhere near the cullens, but by the time you had arrived they had already stolen your table in the back.

you scowled as you had to sit in a middle row, next to a clumsy girl named bella. you hated that you were so exposed, but luckily bella was just as antisocial as you were.

she made no move to talk or even want to acknowledge your presence during the whole class. the only time she had to speak to you was during the lab you guys were working on, and it was because she asked for a bandaid.

“papercut,” she whispered, her cheeks turning red at your expression.

you looked horrified, but it wasn’t because of her.

it was because you currently had two vampires behind you, knowing that at least one of them could barley control themselves.

you froze up, your instincts kicking in just in case you needed to stop them.

but...you dared to take a peak back at the cullens.

you didn’t know what you expected — maybe them staring at bella with dark eyes with their fangs bared or something — but in reality, it was none of that.

both edward and jasper seemed to be in complete control, not even phased by the human girl’s blood. in fact, as far as you could see their eyes were still as gold as honey.

they weren’t even looking at bella.

but that was because they had their attention on someone else.

someone who’s scent seemed to cancel out everything else in the room.

you.

the confrontation came shortly after school that day.

because you were an orphan and lived by yourself, you had the pleasure of walking yourself home.

only, that’s not quite what happened.

for some reason, you decided to walk through the forest that day and use your webs to swing around. it was honestly your favorite thing to do. there was nothing more liberating than swinging above the tallest trees, and saying hi to the birds that flew in the sky.

you had just made your way past a river and was pertched in a tree when you saw them.

or rather, your senses alerted you of their presence and a second later, they were there.

all seven cullens seemed to be gathered at the base of your tree. it shocked you, and you began wondering why in the hell they were there. you tried to hide but you knew it was no use, they could smell you.

“hello there! do you mind coming down? my family and i would like to talk to you,” carlisle, the leader of the group who you knew to be a doctor and had the most control, spoke.

his golden eyes held kindness and he held his hands up to show he wasn’t a threat. the others simply stared at you curiously.

“and how do i know you’re not being genuine?” you called back down to them, hanging onto the tree. “i’ve met your kind before. most if not all want to kill me.”

“we’re different,” a woman, esme, spoke up. “but i’m sure you already know that. because you’re different, too, right? you’re not human.”

“partially,” you found yourself correcting. “i had an...accident a few years ago. now i am what i am.”

“please, just come down. we can talk about this in a more comfortable setting,” carlisle said.

you found yourself hesitant for a moment. sure, their eyes were golden but they were still vampires, right?

but then again...if they wanted to kill you they wouldn’t have entertained you for that long. despite living forever, vampires had no patience when it came to a meal.

“...fine...,” you reluctantly agreed and got your webs ready, “i’m coming down.”

the forks breeze whipped at your face as you latched your webs onto a tree and swung down. the cullens looked absolutely amazed as you landed in front of them, unharmed.

“how did you do that?” emmett wasted no time in asking. he sounded beyond excited.

you almost smiled. “long story. i was bitten by a spider and now i have all the capabilities except i’m human,” you explained.

“fascinating,” edward whispered. “is that why i can’t read your mind?”

“or why i can’t see your future?” alice piped up.

“probably,” you merely shrugged. “but i can’t be for sure. i don’t really know much on vampires, except how to kill them.”

the family looked stunned at your revelation.

“why are you here?” rosalie asked cautiously, her body language changing to protect her family. “what do you want with us?”

“what i want with all vampires,” you told them. “i don’t wanna hurt you but i will if you hurt any humans.”

“jasper told us that you prevented that, though,” carlisle spoke up. “around your blood...he wasn’t even phased.”

“it was like everything else cancelled out,” jasper confessed. “this girl...she had a paper cut but it didn’t even bother me.”

“and it was because of him?” rosalie asked astonished.

you blushed slightly as they all turned to you.

“didn’t know i had that effect,” you muttered.

“would you be willing to talk more?” carlisle asked. “my family and i, we live not too far from here. perhaps we can talk more and see if maybe, you could help us.”

“help you? you mean like with your thirst?” you asked.

“precisely. if you can stop jasper...” edward shook his head. “i heard his thoughts. isabella is alive because of you. if we can find out more, then maybe...”

“maybe we could have a real shot at not thirsting for human blood anymore,” rosalie said.

the meeting with cullens had been strange, to say the least. but it was also nothing short of fascinating.

it took you a while to open up, but after discovering that your blood was somewhat of an anchor to them you found yourself actually wanting to help the cullens.

they weren’t bad people. and if they all had a choice, they wouldn’t be what they were.

you knew jasper especially had regrets about being a vampire. he had a hard time controlling himself around humans after decades of drinking their blood.

but now, you had decided to come to an agreement with them.

if they helped you hunt rouge vampires that were feeding on humans, then you’d stick around and help them control their thirst.

that was precisely why, a week later, the whole cafeteria stared as you walked in with them side-by-side.

for once, jasper didn’t look tortured as he walked passed the array of humans. alice didn’t have to search the future constantly wondering if he’d hurt anybody.

rosalie and emmett were over the moon at the possibly that you could help them adopt a baby since their thirst was under control.

and edward...well...

he still looked miserable, but you supposed you couldn’t help everyone. besides, it wasn’t because he had to endure thoughts coming from a room full of teenagers.

it was because, for some reason, he still thirsted for isabella swan.

but that was a story for another day.