#rook will be pressing the flowers when they begin to wilt | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

songofsoma · 4 years ago

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I’m Here

fandom: the wayhaven chronicles pairing: ava du mortain x cecilia beck rating: mature [ for themes of grief and loss ] word count: 1644

read it on ao3

**CW FOR THEMES OF GRIEF AND LOSS OF A PARENT**

January 14th.

Cecilia hated that day with a passion.

The date hung heavy at the beginning of every new year, taunting her the same way it had for the past eighteen years of her life.

She was the only person in Wayhaven’s small cemetery. A heavy silence thickened the air, making it hard to breathe at times.

Cecilia passed by the rows of gravestones standing like soldiers at attention, each held the root of someone’s pain—a parent, child, sibling, friend, someone. The thought alone was enough to create a hard lump in her throat as she struggled to swallow it down.

A bouquet of white lilies was clutched to her chest. She was too afraid to look down to see if she had crumpled some of the delicate petals. Inspecting them meant she would have to face all of the memories that came with them.

Some days, Cecilia hated that she and her father favored the same flower. There were times where she looked at a bouquet of lilies and suddenly, she was eight again and her mom’s cries of anguish filled the kitchen as she collapsed to the tile floor.

She remembered that afternoon vividly.

The way Mom could barely even stand from the grief ravaging her body. How tightly she held Cecilia and the way she sobbed into her hair when her child asked when Daddy was coming home.

Eighteen years later and the pain was still fresh, oozing from the wound that had been torn open time and time again.

Cecilia hadn’t told any of Unit Bravo where she was going or what this day meant. All they knew was that she had told them she wanted to be left alone.

As close as she was with her team, they couldn’t see her broken in such a way. Hell, she hardly even told her mom how much it still affected her. She was already cracked in multiple places, Cecilia refused to be the one that caused her to finally shatter.

She stopped in front of the headstone. It was towards the back of the graveyard, near the iron grate fence that had been rusted from the weather.

Isaiah “Rook” Beck.

Beloved husband and father.

Until we meet again.

The last line had been her mother’s idea. It’s how he signed off first his love note to her back in the eighties when they first started dating.

Cecilia remembered reading it, her father’s handwriting looking like what Mom referred to as “chicken-scratch” which was code for barely decipherable. Still, it had been his.

Her chest tightened and tears slipped gracelessly from her eyes before she even realized. She wiped at them feverishly before kneeling down to replace the wilted flowers with the fresh ones she had brought.

Both she and her mom visited his grave regularly, so the dead flowers never lingered for very long. Ever since joining the Agency, Cecilia hadn’t been able to come as often as she used to. She didn’t want to constantly steal away from the unit that was already constantly on edge with her safety. If they knew, they would want to come with her—and that would involve explaining the feelings she had repressed for most of her life.

Cecilia sat back on her heels, playing with the wilted flowers in hopes to try and concentrate on something else besides the risk of being swallowed whole by her internal battle.

She had given up trying to hide the unrelenting tears. They fell freely, gathering on her chin before dripping down on to her coat or running down her neck. The wetness that was starting to soak her collar made her shiver and realize she had not dressed properly for the weather. In her defense, her mind has been elsewhere when she got dressed and decided to walk across town to get to the cemetery.

Her hands trembled as they tossed aside the dead flowers, fingers beginning numb from the bite of the winter air.

Cecilia knew, rationally speaking, there was no way she could make it home on foot. Especially not in the sorry state she was in.

Her eyes squeezed shut out of shame as she pulled out her phone, holding it tightly in her grasp, not doing anything for the first few seconds.

She knew the person she wanted to call. There was a greedy part of her that wanted her to come. Cecilia yearned for the weight of her embrace as she sunk into the comfort, she didn’t even realize she offered. She needed her to whisper that it was going to be okay, that she would never that alone every again.

With a shaky sigh, she opened her eyes to begin scrolling through her contacts to select the one she was searching for.

It only rang once.

“Agent du Mortain speaking.”

“Ava��” Cecilia cringed as her voice cracked, fresh tears rolling down her face.

She heard movement in the background as Ava stood up, followed by the confused voices from the rest of the team. “Cecilia? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Panic colored her words.

She sniffled. “I need you.”

Ava was moving quickly now, hurrying to an unknown destination. “Where are you? I’m on my way. Cecilia, are you hurt?”

“No. I’m at the cemetery.” Her voice cracked once again as she tried to swallow back a sob.

“I will be right there.”

The line went dead and Cecilia was left by herself once again.

Time moved quickly as she stared blankly at the gravestone, her mind seeming to have a sudden talent for resurfacing every memory that could hurt her further. She hadn’t even heard the car come to a halt at the entrance or the hustled footsteps as the vampire approached.

She was only pulled away from her thoughts when Ava draped her heavy coat around Cecilia’s shoulders. The fact that she had been shivering never occurred to her.

Dropping her head, Cecilia sunk into the scent of sandalwood. Anything to distract her. “I didn’t for you to come just so I could steal your coat.” She met her concerned gaze with an unconvincing smile.

“You need it more than I,” Ava’s worry melted into her tone, shoving her hands into the pockets of her trousers. She seemed unbothered by the frigid wind clawing at her arms now protected by only a grey long-sleeved shirt.

Ava knelt next to the girl after a long moment, her attention turning to the epitaph engraved in the stone.

“It’s been eighteen years,” Cecilia’s voice wavered as she studied a bit of rock that had been eroded at the top. “And it still hurts just as bad every year.”

A hand landed between her shoulders as Ava tried to comfort her. Cecilia leaned into the touch, grateful for her presence. One small touch eventually turned into an embrace she fell into, allowing Ava’s arms to wrap around her, shielding her from the world.

Ava held her tightly against her chest, pulling her on to her lap as she sat on the dead grass lining the grounds. “I’m here, Cecilia. Always.” She pressed a kiss to the top of her head as Cecilia buried her head in her shoulder to muffle the sobs causing her small frame to tremble.

They stayed just like that even as the sun began to set. How could the dusk offer such a cruel display of beauty at a time like that? On the anniversary of the day, her family was torn to shreds. Few things made her heart turn bitter, and the mockery of the rawness of her pain was one.

“Let’s get you home,” Ava finally murmured. She didn’t give Cecilia a chance to stand for she slipped an arm under her knees to lift her bridal style.

Too tired to argue, Cecilia allowed her head to rest in the crook of her neck, enjoying the feeling of their closeness as a distraction from the storm churning in her mind.

The drive home was quiet.

Ava had let Cecilia pick the music, which was rare seeing as how the vampire turned green every time Cecilia chose a song. But she hadn’t been in the mood for music. So they sat in silence, her head leaning against the glass of the window, simply listening to the sound of the tires against asphalt and the gentle hum of the engine.

Not long after they had left, Ava’s hand came to rest on Cecilia’s thigh, offering continuity of a comforting touch.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” she finally spoke.

Ava glanced over. “Of course. I’m glad you called me. I had been worried about you today.”

“You knew?”

She let out a long breath, squeezing her thigh tenderly. “I had suspected something was wrong. Then Agent Beck cancelled our meeting and it clicked.”

Cecilia frowned a bit, focusing her attention on the passing landscape.

“I cannot lie to you.” She could hear the smile in her words. “I was concerned the rest of the unit was going to follow me.”

She looked back over to meet Ava’s softened gaze. “Even Morgan?”

The woman snorted, grinning at the road ahead. “Yes, even Morgan.”

“I knew she liked me.”

Ava’s hand slid up her thigh to capture one of Cecilia’s hands, lacing their fingers together. “I find it hard to believe there exists a person that couldn’t be charmed by you.”

Rolling her eyes, the stubborn corners of her lips quirked upward. “Flatterer.”

“I don’t know what you are referring to, my love,” Ava said with a chuckle as they pulled into the parking lot of her apartment building.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Cecilia blurted out. Her cheeks flushed the moment she spoke, but Ava only smiled like she had expected the question.

Bringing their intertwined hands to her lips, she kissed Cecilia’s knuckles. “Always."

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