#roman is FRUSTRATED at her as usual bc yes roman thought about that too like maybe he can be talked down? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

littlebigafterdark · 4 years ago

Note

I'm feeling in a particular mood for some more Logan stuff, (totally not my comfort character who unfortunately is a medium for a lot of angst /s) so maybe the almost-relapse?

the littles accidentally trigger logan's ED (janus and patton help him thru it)

This is a copy pastd from a really long message i sent to liv a few weeks ago, just in case the grammar is weird or somethin!

oOo

context: whenever roman is a brat and refuses to eat dinner, logan gets noticeably more frustrated than with any other bratty behaviour because it hits too close to home to his eating disorder

so...

one day when patton is out somewhere, maybe at his carpentry class ((thats actually slightly spoilers for a big concept for the main blog lol)), logan has both the littles

and roman is bratty and refuses to eat dinner and logan breathes evenly and tries not to worry abt it bc he KNOWS roman always eats, hes just doing it to be annoying, breathe, he isnt actually restricting its ok

and logan was literally holding the baby fork up to vees mouth and suddenly she giggles and pushes it away

"come on baby, yummy time" logan coos and smiles a little but he doesnt feel it, and with his other hand he tickles lightly under vees chin and she giggles and logan smiles and goes to feed her again

but she pushes the fork away and babbles "mo bima!"

and roman laughs "yeah, no dinner! no dinner!" and bounces

and logan is feeling rlly shaky and hot suddenly and swallows thickly and ignores roman, and keeps looking at vee "princess, please open up," trying not to pay attention to how shaky his voice is. "its papa's spaghetti remember? yummy" he nods enthusiastically and goes to feed her again

but again vee just giggles all squeaky and pushes the fork away and looks at roman with a big smile for his approval. and roman is like "yeah vee! rebellion!!!" still so playful

but he hasnt noticed logans chest is heaving a little and hes staring at where vee pushed the fork away and logan was too shaky not to drop it on the floor.

and he looks up at vee and how small she is and how shes genuinely on the lower end of average weight and they need to make sure she doesnt dip down into underweight and thinks about how terrified he is of the idea that if she did develop an ED like he did it would be so dangerous and he cant see his baby go through that and-

it just hits him so so so harshly and hes suddenly crying and roman and vee freeze and look at him. and he hurriedly wipes away his tears and breathes shakily and tries to say again

"vee pl-please just ea--" and his throat closes up, he cant even say the word 'eat' and he gags on his tears and jumps up from his chair to run out to the downstairs bathroom and locks himself in trying to calm down and stop gagging.

and he can hear vee crying and roman - adult now - promising her its okay, mama feels a bit sicky but everythings okay, lets phone nana, its ok baby

and logan is breathing too fast and shaking and crying with his back against the bathroom door, not gagging anymore, but unable to take himself outside

. he hears roman feeding vee, and vee giggling and clearly enjoying the food, but no matter how comforting that is to hear he cant get over that genuine terror he felt when vee refused to eat, its his worst nightmare for vee to develop disordered eating - for any of them, but vee is already very thin and it could be critical, and logan cant get over that

when janus arrives (barely ten minutes later, he must have jumped in the car straight away which is only used for emergencies bc of janus' partial blindness) he speaks quietly to roman, and of course theyre trying to be subtle

but the kitchen is only across the hall from the bathroom and logan hears every word of roman explaining what happened and how confusing it was and how patton wont be home for another forty five minutes and roman didnt want either vee or logan to be alone but they probably shouldnt be around each other right now since vee gets so upset when the others arent happy

roman tries to talk to logan first through the bathroom door, apologising for misbehaving and promising he wont do that again. but can logan tell him what exactly was so bad about it this time? so roman can not do whatever it is in future.

but logan cant bring himself to say anything. he cant tell roman about this at least not yet he hasnt felt ready yet even if its been years and he doesnt know if he ever will be ready to tell roman about his ED

so after realising logan wont talk to him, roman swaps with janus. janus doesnt know the details but he knows theres something about logan and eating and hes made an educated guess from all the fibs hes heard over the years.

"hey, dic" (janus' unsavoury nickname for logan that he insists is just short for dictionary) "do you need a glass of water?"

logans throat is actually dry from hyperventilating and he says with a quiet scratchy voice through the door "yes please"

and when janus brings it to the door he just knocks gently and when logan opens the door to accept it janus doesnt make any comment on logans messy hair where hes run his hand through it or on his glassy red rimmed eyes or on the tremble of his fingers. but he does say "i know it must be so cozy in there" he nods to the cramped cold bathroom "but you might just prefer it in your room"

logan flushes a little and nods, comes out of the bathroom and heads to the stairs, but he pauses at the bottom of the stairs thinking... he doesnt know if he can be trusted alone upstairs. theres another bathroom up there and the gagging has made his stomach churn and he feels FULL from dinner and if only he emptied it then maybe he would feel better right? .... no

so he rasps without turning back to janus "i... i cant be alone"

"look behind you, idiot" janus says and its far closer than logan remembered him being.

he whips his head round to see janus was following closely behind him. janus raises a pierced eyebrow "well, are we going to stand in the stairway all night?" and of course its snarky but its soft too

so logan breathes deeply and they go upstairs to his room. janus makes himself at home, immediately grabbing a book from logans book case and collapsing sideways in logans armchair as soon as they stepped in the room. logan reclines on his bed and sips his water and does breathing exercises and tries to not feel humiliated about this breakdown

every time logan tries to apologise for disturbing janus' evening (he didnt) or asks if janus is sure roman is grownup enough to look after vee appropriately (he is) or insists that he is okay to be left alone now (he's not) janus just murmurs "shut up im reading"

when patton gets back roman just tells him logan isnt feeling good and patton hurries up to see him - and upon seeing his husband logan is overcome by shame that he almost relapsed and relief that his best friend is here and a wave of tears that he tries and fails to blink away

and janus just quietly bids them good night and promises he'll stay a couple hours to keep roman and vee company, but patton insists he stays the night in pattons room (its not safe for him to drive in thr dark) and janus is used to this routine by now that he knows where the spare pillows are

so janus leaves quietly and logan croaks "thanks, old man" trying to sound casual but regretting it when his voice shakes. janus just holds up a peace sign and closes logans door behind him on the way out.

as soon as the door closes logans face crumples and he hides his eyes behind his arm and patton practically bounds over to logan and climbs onto bed next to him and cradles logans head to his shoulder as he cries

they stay like that, cuddling in bed, patton cradling logans head and kissing the nape of his neck and wrapping his arm around logans waist to spoon him and whisper about what happened and how they can avoid it in future

but mainly they just breathe and cry together and patton fills the hours with soft affirmations of love and getting logan a tea and promising its okay if logan wants a cookie with it but logan says maybe later (later turns out to be 2:30 in the morning but at least it really was later)

they barely sleep that night but its all comfort and talking and by morning despite being exhausted, logan feels safer and breakfast goes by without a hitch

oOo

just some notes me and liv made that i think highlights some main points:

logan struggling so much even when he knows that the kids are just playing around and they don't really mean that they don't want to eat, but it's just one of those things that inevitably hits too close to home

it just suddenly hit him! like any other day he can cope with roman doing that, its a small blip usually, but the fact that VEE started refusing food freaked logan out so much bc they genuinely have to keep an eye on her weight just bc shes naturally so small

his emotions about his history with an ED plus his overprotective mama cg space making him nearly go into a panic attack from the thought that vee could develop an ED is very sad and very true

and janus coming right away!! and he and roman handle the siatuation so well, like roman was so smart knowing not to leave logan alone, and janus calling him dic and taking him to his room and staying there until patton gets back

and him crying from just seeing patton because he's his best friend and he can be vulnerable around him is very :'c <3

hes so so relieved to see patton but theres also the slightests "ive let my husband down" bc he thinks bc patton helped him so much he owes it to patton to not relapse - but of course pat reassures him its natural to relapse but he didnt! he caught it in the early stages and asked for help and patton is never disappointed in him

he caught it!!! he caught it and he stopped himself and he let himself be helped by both roman and janus and patton and he didn't even relapse!! and this whole thing is really a sign of how far he's come that he was able to accept their help in his vulnerable state, even if roman and janus didn't have the full story, they still wanted to help him through whatever he was experiencing

#mama logan #little big eating disorder #do not reblog #long post #asks #adorable undead queen #little big after dark concepts

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roseamongroses · 5 years ago

Text

Antithesis: “what do you have? “ I have a kNIFE” “NO”

[Specific-Summary]: They should expect growing pains. For not everything to feel right or make sense. That doesn't mean it'll always hurt, nor does it mean they can't have fun along the way. It's senior year. Everything may be different. It won't be senior year for long. Everything will be okay.

[General Warnings]: Implied Emotional Abuse, Implied Physical Abuse, Bad Parents are Bad Parents, Mild Sexual Content/jokes,Mentioned Homophobia, Mentions of underage drinking (backround), Some Catcalling,Cursing , Self Hate,implied pregnancy talk/inability to become pregnant, adults arguing where the “kid” can hear it, adults drinking,

[Tags/mood:] highschool au, fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters]Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana) Remus “The Duke” Sanders (minor/brief)

(Ao3) (Previously)

(8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15)

(16) (17) (18)

L: I May Have Lost Roman

V: nice

P: not nice :)

V: i feel vaguely threatened

Rem:@L how the fuck did you manage that Rem: nvm i know how just give me details

L:I don’t know ? One second we were at check out L: Next minute he was Gone and Nieve is looking suspicious

L:Hold on lemme ask Dmitri

V: why is he there

L: I mean he’s actually pretty chill L: But he dropped Roman off and Nieve got attached L:I’m...not sure if she’s planning on letting him go?

V:logan, my friend, my buddy, V:the only person in this chat with basic reading comprehension

Rem: that’s pretty fair

P: it really is tbh

V: Send. Pictures.

L: Okay L: Slight Issue

V: you lost the snake too

L: I lost Dmitri too and Nieve is not spilling

Rem: oh they’re defeinately fucking

L:...Where? The bathroom?

Rem: Don’t knock it till you try it ;)

V: not to be that guy but im vetoing this discussion V: cause thats a Yikes even for you Remy

L: Alright time to find them

Rem: check ;))) the;))) bathrooms ;;))))

L: Remy.

Rem: alrighlright too far ill stop

L: Thank you.

V: keep me updated V: i only have silence and physics homework as company

L:Huh L:Found them

L: Roman….found a katanna…

V: im sorry WHAT V: Why The Fuck Does He Have A Sword

Rem: drop the location of that store man

L: 1) It’s a Katanna L: 2)I will certainly Not. L: 3) He’s trying to convince Dmitri why he should have it

L…..and Dmitri looks more amused then concerned

V: if I can't have a tarantula he sure as hell cant have a sword

L:I told him it was probably fake/ poorly made and that he should take the time to invest the proper skill in money in a real one

V: goddamit logan you cant logic roman.

L: It worked. He put it back. L: So I say I can do what I want with roman

Rem: some spicy takes from the chats only brain cell ;)

---

“So you’re turning eighteen, in a few months. ” His aunt said, dabbing her cheeks with a napkin. She still managed to hold an air of prestige despite getting utterly shitfaced the night before. Her appointments have been going well.

Dmitri looked up, masking his surprise and holding his tongue.

Dr. Montag looked over, quieting the running water and placing the dish was he was cleaning down, “Really?” he said, brushing his hands, “You got any plans?” he asked, Dmitri.

“Oh we usually do something small,” His aunt interjected, “But seeing as he’s my father’s favorite grandchild,” Only grandchild, “He’s is flying from Paris to join us. And he was never a man of modesty so I’ve been thinking about doing something special for the occasion.”

Oh.

Dmitri fought the smile creeping on his face, ducking his head. He shouldn’t be surprised that she remembered after all if his grandfather was visiting. It’s how he got his phone, laptop, his car.

It’s probably why she puts up with him, to begin with. Cause it wasn’t guilt.

“--We should get your hair cut,” She continued, and Dmitri snapped out of his thoughts, “Maybe invite Diana--he’d like her,” she murmured.

“Diana and I a-” He closed his mouth, and his aunt’s eyes shot over.

“You broke up?” She narrowed her eyes, examining her nails, “Huh, makes sense seeing as...” she gestured at him vaguely, “So who have you been sneaking around with?”

“I’m not sneaking around with anyone,” Dmitri said, meeting her gaze. And technically he was right, it’s not sneaking if she just hasn’t been asking. And he’s given up on telling.

Dr. Montag’s eyebrows knitted together confused,” Well that isn’t true,”

Dmitri’s eyes went wide, stomach sinking.

His Aunt’s grin spread, “Oh really?”

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck--

“He’s been helping me out, hon,” Dr. Montag set down a glass of water and pills beside her plate, “You’ve been so stressed lately,” he looked guilty and produced some tickets, “I thought I’d surprise you.”

Her face softened and like that the tension left the room. Those two got to linger in whatever lovey-dovey spell had taken hold of them in the last few months, but Dmitri was still on edge.

She still kept him on edge, but he could get her back. Even the playing field. Anytime he could leave this—Anytime he could flip this switch and put her on edge and make her—

He stopped eating, setting his plate aside.

He felt sick.

---

R:helllloooo R:anyone up R: sigh R: allll by mySELLLLF

L: Roman?

R: the one and lonely yes hello human contact???

L: Are you alright? It’s 3 am why are you still awake?

R: why are YOU up mm????

L: My parents have newborn twins. What’s your excuse?

R: well fuck got me there

R: i was texting dee but he was rlly tired and i stILL can’t sleep

L: Any particular reason?

R: u m

L: Private chat?

R: please

- [TheTruthAboutTheMoon]

TheWalkingMouth: Okay shoot

Cowboy:it's stupid

TheWalkingMouth: I’ll tell you if it's stupid or not just say it

Cowboy: i just….like Cowboy: it's all kinda….hitting me a ll at once and i Really don’t like thinking about it but i cant bottle shit up either like you bastards so i feel like the human equivelent og a washing machine with too much laundry in it

TheWalkingMouth: Then don’t? TheWalkingMouth: Even if it's too ‘stupid’ for me I’m sure Dmitri wouldn’t mind

Cowboy: yeah but i feel like im going to say something shitty to him i Cowboy: like we should talk about it Cowboy: and i will Cowboy: but not now--later when it's not too stressful for either of us

TheWalkingMouth: Why would you say something shitty?

Cowboy: idk id jst get frustrated trying to explain it Cowboy: like hes smart as hell and probbaly get it without me saying anything but like Cowboy: I have neither the patience nor articulation right now to explain like a civil person and he doesnt need me being shitty about it

Cowboy:like,,,,,for example,,,,, if he fucks up in school, he’ll get recommended a tutor and teachers would assume hes doing his best and hes such a sweet and quiet boy

Cowboy: like he is sweet!!but hes a little shit too!! And gets away with it!!! Half those pranks he pulled on virgil, as Iconic as they were he never got in trouble for them!!!

Cowboy: when i fuck up i

Cowboy: god it's stupid

TheWalkingMouth: Might not get a second chance? Yeah I get it.

TheWalkingMouth:Remember when I first transferred here? None of the teachers would take me seriously bc of my accent and if they did, they were afraid of me. I could repeat something another kid said word for word and still be told I had an attitude.

Cowboy: god i remembered that Cowboy: you answered his yes or no questions in a fuckin montone, quiet ass voice and he legit called in the office cause he got scared of a goddamn freshman

Cowboy: But ye when i fuck up Cowboy: im suddenly the lazy ass brown kid who should spend less time corrupting youth with my feminine hips and curls Cowboy: like it's not like a lot of them say it outright but it feels like if im not perfect im fufilling all the stereotypes

TheWalkingMouth: Ah okay, rant away

Cowboy: OK like like like im not like virgil right?? in a lot of ways and it fuckin shows

Cowboy: he’s been planning on going into engineering since sixth grade meanwhile i only got my shit together in highschool

Cowboy: and like now that im here/???what now??? My mother expects me to have my shit together meanwhile im over here freaking the fuck out over whether not it's worth it to even try Cowboy: like yes mother i want to go to an art/or librel arts school that may or may not accept me that we may or may not afford to find a career in who the hell knows because if i have to sit in a healthcare class or a applied mathmatics class like you did i miight actually shank the professor????

Cowboy: that i dread the thought of not trying to explore my options outside of this fucking state but i dread the thought of going bc i cant stand the thought of being away from home but i cant fucking find a reason to stay cause everyone i love is leaving or planning their own life anyway???

Cowboy: like remys gunna fuck off to who knows where regardless of whether or not he has a plans or money, pattons gunna take care of his grandmother whereever the fuck a canada ,moms moving in with tia, virgils already mentally flipping me off ready to fuck nasa , and i only fucking hope dmitri even getss the chance to choose where he goes but hes g o n e and i die from yearning behind a screen like the gay victorian i am , and you….i actually dont know

TheWalkingMouth: Teaching for either biology or physics

Cowboy: huh it fits but what about chemistry??

TheWalkingMouth: Fuck chemistry.

Cowboy: oh thank god we’re on the same page

TheWalkingMouth: Anyway, I assume you’re more worried about whether you should apply rather then if you could get in?

Cowboy: i think so

TheWalkingMouth: Well if my opinion means anything to you

Cowboy: more than you’re assuming but yeah continue

TheWalkinMouth: Wait

Cowboy: nothing nothing continue

TheWalkingMouth: Okay-- I think you should go for it but you don’t need to dive head first into it and commit to everything 100% like virgil did.

TheWalkingMouth: You’re allowed to keep your options open, to have backup plans for back up plans

TheWalkingMouth: It doesn’t mean you’re not passionate about your art. Doesn’t mean you’re inevitably going to get a office job and abandon all your dreams. It means you’re being smart and not backing yourself into a corner

TheWalkingMouth:It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay not to have it all figured out

TheWalkingMouth: Nobody does.

TheWalkingMouth: Even if no one else gives you a second chance at least give yourself a second chance.

TheWalkingMouth: It’s perfectly normal to be afraid to fuck up and get fucked over TheWalkingMouth: That doesn’t mean you will everytime TheWalkingMouth: And it certainly doesn’t mean it's the end

Cowboy:

[...Cowboy is typing…]

---

@daflangstlairde

@ace-anx

@cataclysm-al

#Roman sanders #Deceit Sanders #Roceit #ts sides #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #ts virgil #ts logan #ts remy #Antithesis

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ethospathoslogan · 7 years ago

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heavy crown, heavy heart: part three; a royalty!logince/sanders sides fanfic

A/N: so this was originally going to be a side part but, since it is in the canon timeline and goes into things i mentioned in the previous chapter, i decided to make it an actual chapter!!! this is just some sibling bonding bc it is a dynamic i wanted to go into and also important!!!

summary: Roman cared for his brothers. His mother, when he was still young and adapting to not being the main center of attention anymore, preached familial values. With her passing and his relationship with his father growing more and more strained, he emphasized his focus on getting along with his brothers. They fought, yes, as brothers do; sometimes Patton’s heightened sensitivity and Virgil’s knack at being extremely grating was tiring, but overall, Roman could not imagine the castle without them. Living a life where everyone seemed ready to use him for their own personal fortunes, it was pleasant to have two people who understood exactly what Roman experienced.

ships: the fic itself is logince, but this chapter has no ship

WC: 5,639

content: mentions of anxiety & possible depression, major mention of family death

masterlist!!!

previous chapter!!!

read on ao3!!!

tag list: @definentlynotjustanotherlemon , @peachie-keeen , @red-the-ruler , @syndianites , @mirror2thespirit , @ravenclawunicorn1, @urte1108 , @monikastec , @princeyssash , @princelogical

Roman had been sitting by candlelight, a book gifted to him by Logan open on his lap and one of his fingers absentmindedly playing with the corner of a page, when he heard one of doors further down the wing be pushed open. The hinges slowly creaked, as if the person had wished to make a quiet escape and failed.

The Prince looked up and narrowed his eyes. Glancing at the clock at his wall, he saw it was well past one in the morning. Everyone else had already gone to their beds hours ago, or at least it was what Roman had assumed. Roman was typically the one who stayed awake well into the night and preferred to sleep into late morning, much to the chagrin of his father and his father’s adviser, who believed that the eldest prince should be up the earliest to get a start on the day’s activities.

However, Roman knew it was also not uncommon for his brothers to wake in the middle of the night. Roman had caught Patton multiple times sneaking out of his own room to visit the gardens when they were undisturbed by the bustle of humans. Roman would always let him past, he refused to stop his brother when he wished for one moment of true solidarity, but would inevitably have to tell the guards for the night shift that, no, the person they were seeing wandering the garden was not an intruder but, in fact, a prince.

As Roman heard tired footsteps trek down the corridor, his mind travelled to his other brother. Virgil, Roman believed, slept the least out of all of them, it evident with the dark circles constantly under his eyes. Ever since he was a child, the youngest prince had been plagued with night terrors and terrible anxieties. Without their mother alive and their father emotionally present, Roman, as a child, took it upon himself to comfort his brother. The castle staff, specifically whatever nurse they had at the time, saw it as some form of adorable brotherly bonding, and that once Roman left, an adult would take over and handle the situation properly. However, Roman’s true reasoning was because his mother took it upon herself to be the primary caretaker of her children. She did not believe in being detached from her children and would rather them be following her around all day, clinging to her skirts, than them be forming a better bond with a nurse.

In Roman’s eyes, the least he could do for his mother, and his brother, was be there for them.

When the tired footsteps stopped in front of Roman’s door, he was positive that it was Virgil and not Patton. He kept his eyes on the door, waiting for the knock. Virgil had the tendency to be extremely reclusive, and if Roman opened the door now and ushered him in, there was a huge possibility of Virgil just turning around and retreating to his room.

Finally, after long enough that Roman started to think that maybe it was not Virgil and that whoever it was had left, there was the softest of knocks on his door. He bookmarked his page, not wanting to crease any of the pages of Logan’s books, before standing and opening his door. Virgil stood on the other side of it, looking anywhere but at Roman. His eyes were gaunt and something in Roman twinged at seeing how completely exhausted his brother looked.

“Cannot sleep?” Roman asked. Virgil shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. Roman stepped aside and opened the door wider, and Virgil wordlessly stepped in. He slumped tiredly into one of Roman’s chairs, staring through his bangs and out the window at the moon hanging in the night sky.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Roman leaned on the wall next to Virgil, staring down at him.

“Not really,” Virgil mumbled and Roman nodded, returning to his own chair not too far from Virgil.

Occasionally, when Virgil could not sleep, he came to Roman’s room. Roman’s childhood tradition of being a caretaker for his brother had not faded in adolescence and, on nights when Virgil’s insomnia reached peak frustration, he often went to find his eldest brother. It was not that Patton was no help; hell, sometimes Roman found himself relying on Patton for help. It was just that, when coming to Roman’s room, Virgil would not be bombarded with questions the moment he walked in. As Virgil sat in the same vicinity, Roman would return to whatever he previously had been doing and either wait for Virgil to initiate the conversation himself or wait for him to return to his room again.

Despite the fact that Roman and Virgil argued much more than either of them did with Patton, Roman understood not wanting to explain every thought in his head. He understood just wanting to sit near someone so that the world did not seem so large and him so infinitely small.

Roman cared for his brothers. His mother, when he was still young and adapting to not being the main center of attention anymore, preached familial values. With her passing and his relationship with his father growing more and more strained, he emphasized his focus on getting along with his brothers. They fought, yes, as brothers do; sometimes Patton’s heightened sensitivity and Virgil’s knack at being extremely grating was tiring, but overall, Roman could not imagine the castle without them. Living a life where everyone seemed ready to use him for their own personal fortunes, it was pleasant to have two people who understood exactly what Roman experienced.

“I will be here if you need anything,” Roman said, retrieving his book from where he left it. He flipped back open to where he left off, flicking his eyes back to wear Virgil was and saw him, still, keeping his eyes on the starry sky. A deeper concern twisted in Roman’s gut. He knew of his brother’s trouble with sleeping and of his excessive worries, but something about him seemed off, and more than usual.

Roman attempted to return to reading his book, but Virgil had begun tapping erratically on the arm of the chair and the dull, quick tapping along with his brooding atmosphere pulled too much at Roman’s mind. Typically, the tapping irked him and he usually had to bite his tongue to keep from saying anything, because he knew it was just a nervous tick that his brother was barely conscious of, but now it was different. Frankly, he was too concerned to be annoyed.

Roman glanced back up at Virgil and, this time, Virgil looked back. Roman quickly looked away and Virgil sighed.

“I am exhausted,” Virgil finally said.

“Would you like to try sleeping again?” Roman asked. “You are free to stay here, I do not plan on sleeping anytime soon.”

Virgil shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, pushing his bangs up and away from his face. “No, it is not that,” he said. He worried his bottom lip and Roman, frowning, put his book back down.

“Then what is it?” Roman asked before quickly following with, “You do not have to tell me if you are not comfortable, Virgil.”

Virgil huffed out a deep sigh again and stared up into the high ceiling. “I am exhausted, Roman,” he said. “All these fears and worries that I have just feel like they are consuming me. Sometimes I think that they are choking me, and that the world might as well be ending.”

Roman’s eyebrows furrowed and he shifted his chair closer. “What are you scared of? I do not think that there is anything in this castle that can harm you.”

“That is exactly it,” Virgil said, scratching at his cuticles. “Everything just seems… off. As if something is not sitting right. I… I understand that there is probably nothing in this castle that can do anything. But I still cannot shake the feeling that something is going to go wrong, that there is something I should be preparing myself for. I thought that it was because Logan and his family were coming back, and it would be the first time in a while that we have had guests stay for more than a few days but…” He trailed off and Roman cocked his head.

“You still feel the same way,” Roman finished for him. Virgil hesitated before nodding. “Virgil, I am sure that there is something we can do for you. Perhaps the apothecary has something, or-”

Virgil shook his head vehemently. “No, no, we cannot do that,” he rushed out.

“Why? If there is someone who can help you, I think that it would be best-”

“No one can know that something is wrong,” Virgil said, his words so quick that Roman’s mind almost did not process them. “Father is already stressed enough as it is, and to go out for an apothecary would draw attention, and I do not want anyone to know that I am the freak of this family-”

“Virgil,” Roman interrupted, his voice stern. Virgil tensed at his sudden tone change and snapped his mouth shut. “Do not ever say that about yourself,” he continued. “What you are experiencing does not make you odd. You are a tad more fearful than most, that is all. It does not make you bad or wrong. Plus, it is not like myself and Patton are without our eccentricities.”

“But…” Virgil sighed. “I already worry too many people because I do not sleep and I panic. I cannot be more of a burden than I already am.”

“Who said you are a burden?” Roman asked with a raised eyebrow. “We all worry about you because we care. If you believe anything I say, believe that. Oh, sure, you can be quite irritating at times with the fact that you always have some snarky thing to say and can never let me have the last word, which should be rightfully mine-” Virgil snorted and Roman could not help but smile, “-But you are still my brother.”

“Thank you, Roman,” Virgil said, giving a small smile. However, when his eyes flicked back to his hands and he still looked rather uncomfortable in his seat, Roman had a feeling that there was still more his brother had to say.

“Is there anything else?” Roman asked, not wanting to push but also not wanting to sound like he was dismissing his brother.

Virgil frowned and did not say anything for a couple of moments. He clenched his hands into fists and unclenched multiple times, retreating back to looking at everything in Roman’s room besides Roman. “It is really stupid,” he finally said.

“I assure you it is not,” Roman said before breaking out into a grin. “Besides, I am enjoying being the brother who is able to give emotional support. Typically, I am just there as the pretty face and the occasional clever and witty comment, but now-”

“I took our mother away from you,” Virgil interrupted and Roman’s words died in his throat.

Roman blinked a few times at his brother. Virgil’s words washed over him in waves that started to bring too many memories back. “What?” he finally choked out.

“I took our mother away from you,” Virgil repeated. “She died having me, and you should hate me for that. I hear the way you speak of her, every amazing and wonderful thing she was. And I took that away from you, and I do not know why you have forgiven me for that.”

Roman stared at his brother, finding himself at a loss for words.

Roman was six. His mother was pregnant and expecting soon, and he was excited for this one. He was not when Patton was first born. He did not like not being the sole deserver of his mother’s attention. But his mother had told him that now he had another child to play with, and Roman grew to love the bouncing toddler. Now, he was ready to be the eldest. His mother told him that now, with two younger siblings, he would have to be the best role model for them that he could be.

Roman was six and very excited. He showed his mother all the toys he could share with Patton and the new baby, fumbling blocks that spelled his name (he was missing the letter M) and figures and marbles in his small hands. She smiled down at him and her bright blue eyes shone and Roman felt safe. His mother was warm and soft and was a lot less scarier than his father, sitting one-thousand miles up on his throne. Roman told his mother he did not know how he could get high enough to reach it. She laughed and told him that he would, she would make sure of it.

Roman was six and it was a bright and warm day when one of the servants screamed down the corridor that they needed the medic. The baby was coming three weeks earlier than everyone else thought. The family medic had had to return to his own home for a family emergency, but he told his father and mother that he would be back in time. Roman did not know why he lied. His father’s adviser and some of the guards had to be sent out into the city to fetch one of the local medics. Patton cried at the commotion and Roman held his hand and gave him one of his miniature horse figurines. It had wheels and the two wheeled it back and forth in Roman’s room as people outside ran back and forth. He told Patton that they should be happy, they were going to have another person to play with, and that mother was excited for them to be the best older brothers ever.

Roman was six when his father told them that their mother died. Died. A four letter word that Roman did not like. He heard it used about soldiers that did not go back to their families. Or about the city, like when Roman heard the knights talking about a fight breaking out in the streets and how someone died. But never for his mother. She was his mother. His mother was not supposed to die when Roman still had so much to show her. He and Patton finally found the M block underneath one of his chairs.

Roman was six when their nurse, the one that his mother did not want but their father insisted upon, showed them the baby wrapped in a blanket and said that his name was Virgil. He did not look anything like their mother. No red hair and his eyes had too much brown in them. Patton, who did not understand fully what happened, gave the baby his finger to hold. Roman, who did understand, ran away and cried in his room.

Roman was six and, despite everything, Roman was alone. The throne towered over him. He did not know how he could reach it now.

After sixteen years, Roman still wondered if he was falling too short.

Roman was too surprised by Virgil’s words to pay mind to the tears that had sprung to his eyes. “V-Virgil,” he managed out. His voice was choked and he rubbed at his eyes. “You… you did not take her from me.”

“Yes, I did,” Virgil insisted. “I know that you needed her then. I think you still do, Roman. Everything you say of her… she was warm, and soft, and bright. I… I know that you do not get along with our father. We all have our disagreements with him, even Patton, but for you… something is different. There is something tenser between you two that I do not think would be there if our mother was still here. I just keep thinking that I took away the parent you needed, and I do not understand why you do not hate me.”

Roman gaped at his brother. He would be the first to admit that, even after sixteen years, he missed his mother more than anything. However, knowing that Virgil had blamed himself this entire time and expected Roman to hate him -oh God how long has he thought this?- is what Roman found himself more upset by. He learned to cope and accept his mother’s death, he could not do the same for Virgil blaming himself.

“Virgil,” Roman finally said. “I… I could never blame you. You… it was not you that took her away. I do not think anyone did. She… I think she was under a lot more stress than she let on, and maybe she was in more pain, too, but her death was not your fault. You never did anything wrong, and you still have not. And the fact that you think that I could hate you for that?” Roman shook his head in disbelief. “Virgil, that is insane. If I hated you, I would not have just given you this long speech about how we all care about you. If I hate you, I probably would have said something along the lines of be afraid that I will hit you, because I can be an asshole like that.”

Virgil let out a laugh that sounded more like a watery cough, and Roman pretended to not notice how he rubbed at his eyes, glistening with unshed tears.

“I am so sorry, Roman,” Virgil said, shaking his head. He tilted his head away and Roman saw a tear or two escape and tread down Roman’s face, but he called no attention to it.

“You do not have to be,” Roman assured. “We have all moved forward, and, yes, we miss her, but we also learned to cope. No one here hates you because there is no reason to, and if anyone ever says anything, or has said anything, you send them to me, okay?” Virgil nodded and sniffed, rubbing at his eyes again. “And, please, do not let this be something you lose sleep over. Pretty people should be what does that, not things that are not your fault.”

Virgil sighed and swallowed thickly. “Okay,” he said quietly. The conversation then trailed off and Roman started to think that Virgil was getting ready to leave when his brother said, “Speaking of people that you find, to quote, pretty, you and Lo-”

Roman was quick to cut his brother off, “You are pushing your limits, and I suggest that you either stop talking or prepare for me to kick you out in the next two seconds.”

Virgil laughed but did not say anything more.

Patton and their father had gotten into an argument that morning. Roman had believed he was up far too early (their guests were still resting in the comfort of their beds, why did he have to be up?), and was bitterly nursing a cup of coffee in the parlor adjacent to the throne room, when the fight started. Even through the walls, he heard words like “over excited” and “melancholic” and “mature” and “Patton, I expect more of you than these ever changing emotions”, and Roman believed that he could accurately piece together what his father was nagging Patton about. He could not hear what Patton was saying, but from his father’s disappointed reactions, he assumed that whatever Patton was feeling was getting the best of him.

Finally, after a couple minutes of Roman eavesdropping, being disappointed that he could not hear everything properly, and then feeling guilty about eavesdropping in the first place, the throne room door swung open and out walked Patton. Roman watched as Patton began to walk past, and did not miss how he frantically wiped at his eyes, though when Patton finally caught his brother staring, he straightened as if nothing was happening and forced a grin that did not meet his eyes.

“Oh, Roman,” Patton said, his voice artificially cheerful. “Good morning, I did not expect to see you up so soon.”

“I am improving my skills of being a responsible adult,” Roman said, setting his now empty cup on one of the table’s coasters. “Are you alright, Patton? I believe it is a bit early for our father to be berating us.”

“Oh, that?” Patton questioned and forced a laugh. “Do not worry, that was nothing. Just… just an average conversation.”

Roman did not believe him at all. “It sounded a bit more than average,” he pressed.

“Well, it was not,” Patton said, his tone suddenly tired and clipped. “I have to go to my room.”

Roman blinked at his brother as he walked away. “Okay, then,” he huffed out.

For a while, Roman let Patton be on his own. As much as he felt ashamed to admit it, he did not know what to do with Patton and his obvious hidings of something troubling him. Usually, it was Virgil who went to Roman or Patton, depending on the situation, Patton who helped, and Roman who went to Patton with petty, dramatic problems. Occasionally, when intoxicated and rather melancholic, Roman rambled about everything that troubled him to his brother and then, in the morning, he acted as if nothing was ever wrong in the first place.

Roman realized with a sinking feeling that Patton rarely came to either Roman or Virgil. Over the years, Roman had seen Patton in foul moods and, even when he offered his ear to Patton, his younger brother never complied.

He began to run through everything in his mind. He tried to see if he could find something that would give Patton reason to not trust either of his brothers. If there was something that he or Virgil had said, or a fight that was left unresolved, but all that Roman could remember was forced smiles and Patton claiming that nothing was wrong, that nothing was ever wrong.

At half past noon, Roman decided it was time that he did something. The castle was now alive, everyone jostling through with activities for the day, meals to prepare, training to be done, but Patton had yet to leave his room. Roman decided that now was the time to go confront his brother; now was when they would not be disturbed by anyone else. Their father had meetings all throughout the day, and Virgil and Logan just headed to the library to look over books and journals together.

Roman approached Patton’s door and, with only slight hesitation, softly knocked. “Patton?” he called through. “It is Roman.”

On the other side of the door, there was a long enough silence that Roman considered that Patton was possibly sleeping, or perhaps he had left his room and Roman had not noticed. When Roman thought about either knocking again or walking away, a small voice finally said, “Come in.”

Roman pushed his brother’s door open and found Patton seated in one of his chairs, looking out the window. It seemed that his eyes were not actually seeing anything, and he did not turn to look at Roman when he entered.

“I just wanted to check in on you after this morning,” Roman said, shuffling his feet awkwardly. “You seemed… troubled.”

“Thank you, Roman,” Patton said. His tone was quite unsettling to Roman; usually, Patton was bright and cheerful, his words bringing light back into the castle when there was none. Though, Patton now, just sounded so… tired, so dejected. “But I am fine.”

Roman did not believe him, but he did not know if pressing would do either of them any good. “Would you like to go outside, then?” he asked. “It is probably one of the most beautiful days of the season, and you are keeping yourself in here.” When Patton looked doubtful and ready to reject Roman’s idea, he quickly continued, “We could go to the garden. I know how much you like to go there. No one else would be there.”

Patton considered for a minute, and when Roman feared that he would just be dismissed, Patton sighed and stood. “I think that will be nice,” he said and Roman grinned.

“Perfect,” Roman beamed. “Well, onwards then! We have not a moment to waste of this beautiful day.”

Roman lead Patton out of his bedroom, falling into step besides his brother as they walked. Something about Patton still seemed so off, so reserved, but Roman believed it to be a victory to have been able to convince his brother to join him. He did not want to ruin it by forcing Patton to speak when he was not ready.

Fortunately, when they arrived at the garden, Roman was correct in saying that no one else would be there. He let Patton decide where they would sit, and Patton chose a bench situated in the shade under one of the trees. The flowers bloomed brightly in front of them and small groups of butterflies flitted from each on.

“It really is wonderful out,” Patton quietly commented as they sat down.

“It is,” Roman agreed. “I could not simply let you sit inside all day.”

“Thank you, Roman,” Patton said. “I just get so… off sometimes, and I just isolate myself. I know it is not particularly the best thing to do, but sometimes it seems like the only thing to do.”

Roman furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

Patton sighed and carded a hand through his hair. “I get so melancholy sometimes, Roman,” he started, staring ahead of them at the flowers. “I just sometimes start feeling as if the light in the world has gone out and that there is nothing left than to just let things pass. Honestly, it is quite draining. I fall into these moods where I feel like I am trapped in this… hopeless trance. I force myself to put on a smile and laugh because it is what people expect of me, but I feel like I am just lying to everyone. That this is all some huge play and I have to constantly wear a mask to please everyone.”

Roman frowned and turned fully to face his brother. “Patton, I… I did not know that you felt like this.”

Patton forced out a laugh that sounded more pained than not. “Because I did not want you to,” he said. Roman pretended as if that did not sting. “I did not want anyone to know. Not you, not Virgil nor our father, anyone. We live such luxurious lives where we can have what we choose. There are so many people who are truly hurting and suffering, and here I am, Prince Patton Sanders, moping about because I am sad more often than not.”

“Patton, you do not have to think that,” Roman said. “It does not matter how you live. That does not change how you feel. There will always be people suffering more, and people suffering less. If you based your feelings solely off of other people, you would only drive yourself to exhaustion and madness. I am not a profession, but I do not think it is healthy to hold in what you feel. Virgil and I are here for you when you are overcome with these melancholic thoughts. You are allowed to feel them, and what you feel, while painful, yes, is real and should not be ignored.”

Patton shook his head. “But it is not who I am supposed to be Roman,” he said, his lower lip wobbling. “I am just going to end up disappointing everyone.”

“Disappointing us?” Roman questioned. “Patton, you could never-”

“Yes, I could, Roman!” Patton exclaimed, pushing up his glasses to rub at his eyes. “I am supposed to be put together and cheerful. It is what people expect of me. Everyone expects me to be the perfect son who keeps our father happy and is the mediator for you and Virgil. I am not supposed to be so sad and… empty. When I am, I force myself to be this over excited person so that people do not see me be unfit in the one thing I am meant to do.” He let out a wet laugh and shook his head. “I am already disappointing our father and, soon, everyone else.”

“Patton,” Roman sighed and, slowly, carefully, placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Do not say that. Just because you and father had an… an argument, it does not mean that you disappointed him.”

“Oh, really?” Patton asked. “So him telling me that I need to mature is not disappointing him? Him telling me that I need to sedate these ever changing emotions, that I need to get a firm grip on myself? Him telling me that it is time for me to be responsible and reliable, and not so childish? That is all not disappointing him? That is not being the son that everyone expects me to be? You said it yourself, Roman, I am supposed to be the son that makes our father proud, the son that does everything he is told and the one that our father listens to.”

“He was clearly talking to Roman and I, Patton. You cannot do anything wrong in his eyes.”

“That is not true.”

“Of course it is! You could spit in the Duke’s face and our father would ban him from the kingdom for offending you.”

“Roman-”

“Ask for anything and it is yours, that is the way it has always been. Do you think that, if Patton asked our father to call off whatever marriage he had planned for me, he would do it?”

“Roman, stop.”

Roman suddenly felt like a complete and utter asshole. “Patton, I-I am so sorry,” Roman stammered out, struggling to find words. He and his brothers had fought before, yes, but Roman never wanted to be the person that hurt one of them.

Patton shook his head. “No, I am sorry,” he sighed. “You did not know, it is unfair of me to put this on you.”

“No, Patton, that is completely fair,” Roman pushed. “I… I hurt you. I made you feel like you had to live up to these expectations. Even if it was not entirely me making you feel like this, I played a part, and you can be mad. You should be mad. Lord knows anyone else would be.”

Patton sighed a deep, shuddering breath and rubbed at his eyes again. “You did not purposely intend to do that, Roman,” he said. “I cannot be mad at you if you did not intend it. Well, I can, but it feels wrong. I just… I do not want to worry people. I want to be what people want me to be and help everyone else. I feel like, if I start showing people what I truly am, I am just going to burden people.”

Roman shook his head. “Patton, what people expect you to be is human,” he said. “I think people would be more worried if you were happy all the time. You are a living, human being. You are allowed to feel sad and aggravated and everything else that may not be as delightful as being happy. Whatever you feel is real. You are allowed to feel how you do, and you are allowed to be your own person. If you spend your entire life just trying to live up to unfair expectations, you are just going to end up unhappy. And as your brother, I do not think I could handle seeing you live an unhappy life.”

Patton smiled and rubbed away one last tear that fell out of his eyes. “Thank you, Roman.”

Roman smiled back. “You do not have to thank me,” he said. “And you know that myself and Virgil are here for you too, yes? I know that we tend to come to you a lot with our many, many problems, but that does not mean that you cannot do the same to us. The three of us have to have each other’s backs, which means that we cannot let you be suffering alone.”

Surprisingly, Roman had not expected Patton to throw himself at Roman in a hug. “Thank you,” he mumbled into Roman’s shoulder and Roman smiled, giving Patton a tight squeeze back.

“Of course,” Roman said as the two pulled away. “Trust me, in a castle where we are surrounded by adults, I think we need to be there for each other.”

Patton smiled. “But Roman, you are also an adult.”

Roman sighed and threw his head back. “Patton, do not ruin this moment by reminding me of my responsibilities and of my mortality,” he groaned and Patton laughed. He then looked back at his brother. “And you know you can tell me if I am saying too much bullshit, right? I am not sure if you have noticed, but I have the habit of just speaking without applying thought to what I am saying. There needs to be someone to reign me in, and it cannot be Virgil, because I might hit him.”

Patton laughed again. “I will make sure to let you know,” he said, looking back towards the garden.

“Now, should we leave all this sentimentality behind and return to enjoying the day?” Roman asked. “I am hoping that this is making you feel… somewhat better.”

Patton nodded. “We should, and it is,” he said. “Thank you, Roman.”

Roman beamed. “You do not have to keep thanking me, it is just what I do,” he said.

Roman knew that he could not always be the best brother, and perhaps sometimes not even a good brother. But, damn it all, he was going to try and support his brothers as much as they support him; it was the least he could do.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #stuff i write

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glaceontea · 7 years ago

Text

Cheerleader pt.4

okay so this was supposed to be pure fucking fluff but random feels train comes out of nowhere at the end I'm so sorry lmao

Tagged: @starlight-sanders, @sanspie122, @80s-addict, @watch-me-introvert, @princeyandanxiety, @imin-loveanon, @gaysonofjafar, @gotta-love-dem-sides (feel free to send me an ask or a pm if you want to be added/removed from the tag list!)

Warnings: Random feels (not that bad bc i can't hurt logicality)

Ship: Logicality and Prinxiety (no prinxiety in this chapter specifically though)

Previous Part | Masterpost | Next Part

Logan was sitting in their usual spot, the spot where he, Roman, Patton, and Virgil all sat together at lunchtimes. Although, he was alone today. Patton and Roman had an extra cheerleading practice that lunch for the competition coming up the next week, and Virgil went to go watch. Logan would've too, if he didn't need to study for the Chemistry exam he had the next day. He couldn't study at the gym, because, well, Patton would be a minor distraction.

"Hey cutie," someone said from in front of him.

"Hi P- you're not my boyfriend," Logan said, taken aback. A girl, one that he recognised being from Patton's cheerleading team, stood in front of him. He pushed his glasses up his face. "What can I do to help?"

The girl smirked. "Well," she started, "my friends were wondering if you wanted to sit with us. I'm sure you wouldn't mind being surrounded by cheerleaders while you studied, would you?" Logan blinked.

"I already have two annoying cheerleaders to deal with at lunch, I don't need any more. So... I'm good thanks," Logan retorted. Wow, that was... 'savage'. Logan thought about whether he got the usage of the word savage correct that time, furrowing his eyebrows, while the girl stood there in shock.

"Isn't Patton your boyfriend?" Logan looked back up at her.

"Correct."

"You shouldn't be dating him if you think he's annoying," she chided. Logan frowned slightly.

"He's not, I was using sarcasm. About the boys, not you lot. You girls seem to be bitchy, and likely annoying." The girl's jaw dropped, before snapping back closed. She stepped closer, grabbing Logan's chin and bringing their faces less than a centimetre apart.

"Let's see how annoying you find me after-" someone beside them cleared their throat. The girl let him go and backed away slightly, crossing her arms. Logan looked after to find, oh, relief, Patton standing there with a smile on his face. Patton approached and sat next to Logan, resting his hand on Logan's upper thigh.

"I see you've met Natalia," he said, tone unimpressed. Logan was about to say something when Patton cut him off with a quick kiss. "And I recommend, Natalia," he said lowly, a tone indicating warning, "that you stay away from my boyfriend. Or else." Natalia smirked.

"Actually, I wouldn't be so sure of his loyalty, Patton. You see, Logan and I were about to ki-" She stopped dead in her tracks when Patton smiled at her, then kissed Logan again. Logan froze, then, realising this one wasn't as quick as the last, kissed back. He placed his hands on Patton's hips, leaning forward. They heard Natalia stomp away in a huff, and Patton pulled away. The boy had a mischievous twinkle in his eye, making Logan smile.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" Logan asked.

"They didn't even start cheerleading practice, coach had a meeting." Patton pecked him on the lips. "I took a while to change, Roman was distracting me. Being dramatic, you know, the usual. I came just in time to save you from heterosexual contact." Logan laughed.

"Well, actually, now that you're here, would you like to accompany me on a date after school?" Patton's cheeky smile grew into a grin, and he nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah! Where to? I want to go get ice-cream. Ooh, or maybe we can go ice-skating?"

"Neither of us have classes this afternoon, so we can go wherever you want. We have two spares on a Friday afternoon, remember?"

"Can we leave right now?" Patton asked, eyes shining like the adorable dork he was. Logan nodded in response.

"Let's go."

The couple entered the indoor ice-skating rink, Patton immediately shivering and curling into Logan.

"It's cold!" He exclaimed, longingly eyeing the scarves and beanies they had in stock.

"What did you expect, Patton?" Patton rolled his eyes and dragged Logan over to pay for skates (along with some warmer clothes for Patton). He slipped on a jumper, gloves, scarf and beanie, placed a beanie on Logan's head and a scarf around his neck, deciding his boyfriend needed some warmth too. "I don't need a scarf, Patton."

"How are you not cold?" Patton asked, staring at his boyfriend incredulously.

"I am cold, but I like it," Logan replied, leaning back and crossing his arms as Patton fumbled with his skates.

"You're a monster," Patton mumbled cheekily, earning a light nudge from Logan. "Besides, you look adorable in a scarf and beanie." Patton finished putting on his skates and stood up along with Logan. He immediately fell forwards, making Logan reach out and catch him before he could break his nose.

"Have you never been ice-skating before either?" Logan asked the boy in his arms.

"I go ice-skating all the time! You haven't?" Logan laughed and rebalanced Patton, guiding him along the ice.

"I'm sure you'll be great once we're out there." Patton laughed nervously, carefully stepping onto the ice. Logan took a confident stride, immediately gliding perfectly. "This is awesome!" Logan exclaimed, moving forward again. Patton laughed, gaining a cheeky twinkle in his eye.

"I guess you could say that ice-skating is-"

"Don't you dare."

"-pretty cool!" He exclaimed with a giggle, pointing finger guns at his boyfriend. He immediately almost lost balance, gripping onto the side for dear life. Logan groaned and skated ahead, just to test how well he could. Turns out, much to Patton's astonishment, he was perfect. Logan began to skate faster and faster around the rink, sometimes skating backwards to test that out too. He was a natural. Logan came to a stop beside Patton, who had barely moved an inch.

"You said you've never skated before!" Patton huffed. Logan laughed, pressing a kiss to Patton's cold nose.

"I haven't. Although, I have read many books on ice-skating and its techniques before. My dad used to be really good, until he got arthritis and couldn't anymore." Patton shook his head in disbelief. Of course his boyfriend was a natural ice-skater.

Logan started off again, although slow, so Patton could get used to it and skate with him. Patton simply began stepping, still clinging to the wall, and Logan laughed.

"Babe, you have to let go of the wall. Come on, grab my arm," he offered, extending his hand out to Patton. Patton quickly transferred all his weight to Logan, making the boy struggle to keep his balance. "Patton!" He cried in alarm, pulling against Patton's weight to hold him up. "Here, just stand, and we'll just hold hands. Nice and easy, okay?"

Yeah, apparently not. Every time he and Patton tried to move, Patton would slip, pulling Logan off-balance. Logan sighed, but didn't lose patience, his boyfriend was too cute to get mad at.

"Okay then, just... wrap your arm around me, and I'll wrap mine around you. Yes, like that. Now, taking simple steps, that's the way! Babe, you're doing so well!" Logan continued guiding Patton like this, the cheerleader's grip around him staying tight so he wouldn't let himself fall. As Patton became more confident, they moved to just holding hands, still moving quite slow.

Logan couldn't get frustrated, because seeing his boyfriend's utter concentration was adorable, reminding Logan just how much he loved him. They gradually began speeding up, but Logan threw that plan out the window once Patton completely lost balance out of nowhere, pulling Logan to the ground with him.

Logan almost landed directly on top of him, only his arm bracing him against the ice stopping him. Patton let out a giggle, making Logan roll his eyes and press a kiss against his lips. Logan got himself up, helping Patton up, and dragging him over to the side, where they both rested against the wall.

"Thanks for helping me learn. And having patience with me," Patton thanked him, and Logan smiled.

"I only do it because you're adorable." Patton blushed, making his face that was already pink from the cold turn red. Logan moved so he was in front of him, gently resting his hand's on the boy's hips. "You're fucking cute, and I love you," he stated, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's lips.

"If you can keep your balance, which I think you can save for the occasional slip, we can move to the middle and I'll just pull you along? Not fast though, don't worry," Logan assured him, and Patton nodded, taking both the hands that Logan offered. Logan began skating backwards, taking him into the middle of the rink. Most of the rink was clear, as not many were there on a Friday during school hours.

Logan began spinning them slowly, and Patton giggled, muttering a 'noooo' lightly. Instead, Logan pulled Patton to his chest, littering kisses across his face.

"Do you want to sit and watch while I try out some stuff? I'll be approximately ten minutes, most likely," Logan offered.

"Yes, I can't wait to see you show off." Logan guided Patton back to the stands, and then sped around the ice to warm himself up more. He let the momentum take him and he tried to remember tricks he read. Now... what was that beginner's move... oh!

Spiral/

A spiral is an element in figure skating where the skater glides on one foot while raising the free leg above hip level.

Skate forward at a moderate pace... hold both arms up to sides... lean forward and lift one leg up off the ice... aha!

Patton applauded Logan loudly as he performed a move. Although Patton had no idea what it was, it certainly looked cool. Logan put his leg down and bowed, attempting something else. Ten minutes later, Logan came off the ice, grinning.

"That was so much fun," he said, removing his skates and taking Patton's hand as they left the building, leaving their rental skates at the front desk. Patton removed his jacket, scarf, and beanie, along with Logan's scarf, but left the beanie on.

"That beanie is too cute on you," Patton complimented, patting his head lovingly. Logan rolled his eyes and squeezed Patton's hand lightly, leading them to the park for a walk.

As soon as Patton got to the park, he spotted something and ran off to it, yelling something about staying where he was. Logan sat down on the park bench, wondering what possibly that boy could be getting up to. Not even two minutes later, Patton returned, two big sticks of cotton candy in either hand. Logan took the blue one that Patton was holding as Patton happily sat down and began eating his own pink one.

"Patton, why did you buy us this? It's pure sugar! I can't believe we're actually eating this, it's disgusting." Logan began picking at and eating his, and Patton pouted jokingly. Patton leaned his head on the other's shoulder, gently moving his free hand to steal some of his cotton candy when-

"No don't touch it, it's mine!" He squealed, frowning at Patton like a two-year-old. Patton laughed and stole it anyway, shoving it into his mouth without a care.

"You know, cotton candy is called different things in different parts of the world. For example, in South Africa, the United Kingdom and New Zealand, they call it 'candy floss'." Patton looked up at him, excited to hear the facts he had to share. "And in Australia, they call it 'fairy floss'."

"That's a much prettier name than cotton candy!" Patton exclaimed.

"Also, in France they call it la barbe à papa, meaning 'daddy's beard'," Logan informed him, causing Patton to laugh. Logan continued telling Patton everything he knew about the sweets they held in their hands, until they ran out of cotton candy (or as Patton had elected to call it now, 'fairy floss') to eat.

"Oh my god, puppy! And Roman!" Patton squealed, his attention on Logan suddenly disappearing. Logan quickly took the bare stick out of Patton's hand before his boyfriend ran off, greeting his fellow cheerleader that held an adorable puppy in his arms. Logan discarded the cardboard and made his way over to Roman and Patton, the latter excitedly cooing over the pup.

"Is that a... corgi?" Logan asked, safely keeping his distance from the creature. Logan was certainly more of a cat person. Dogs lick too much.

"Yup!" Logan looked at it, silently laughing at it's funny ears.

"Did you know the 'corgi' is actually Welsh for dwarf dog? Definitely suits it," Logan told them. Patton squealed.

"That's so cute! What's it's name?" Patton asked, patting the thing.

"His name is Prince," Roman answered.

"Named after your... royally annoying attitude, I'm assuming," Logan commented, making Roman protest and Patton praise him for making a joke.

"Anyway, what brings you here?" Roman asked. Logan rolled his eyes, then leapt away at the sudden lick a dog at his feet gave him.

"We were actually on a date, before you interrupted with these... things," Logan deadpanned, making both Patton and Roman gasp in mock offence. "Don't get me wrong, they're are... relatively cute, I just prefer cats. You know this already Patton, stop acting like you're about to disown me." Patton continued to pout and Roman was looking at him like he were some form of a horrific monster. "But, dogs do intrigue me, you know. While I may not enjoy them too much in a companionship sense, they are quite fascinating. For example, did you know that dogs can recognise over 150 words?" Logan began telling the pair his favourite dog facts, and reluctantly held the german shepherd pup that was handed to him.

"Mum and dad decided to get these three this afternoon, and told me to take them out to interact with the world. A corgi, german shepherd and dalmatian pup."

"An odd trio... but," Logan sighed in defeat, "I like them." Patton squealed in happiness, glad that his boyfriend had been swayed by the puppies that were yapping and wagging their tails around them.

"Anyway, I'd best be off, I have football training at four, and I've got-" he checked his watch "-ten minutes! Fuck, see you later guys!" Logan released the german shepherd he was holding and watched as the dogs happily ran along with Roman towards the school, the only thing stopping them from going ahead being their leashes.

"I feel disgusting, I need to wash my hands," Logan said, holding his hands out in front of him so as to keep the germs away. Patton laughed and intertwined their hands, heading off towards Logan's house to hang out for a while.

The two sat on Logan's couch in front of the TV, watching Steven Universe while cuddled up together. They sat amongst a pile of pillows and blankets, sitting side by side, hands held gently and legs tangled between them. Logan gently rubbed circles into Patton's hand, a soothing and comforting motion to both of the boys.

Logan was continuously becoming distracted by his boyfriend, his adorable gasps and reactions at the cartoon making Logan look over at him constantly. Patton looked up at Logan, making both blush.

"What?" Patton asked him. Logan blushed even harder.

"You're fucking adorable, that's what," Logan replies, pecking Patton on the lips.

"Well aren't you two the most adorable couple in the world!" Logan's mum exclaimed, making Logan jump and Patton laugh.

"Mum!" Logan yelled, frowning at her jokingly.

"I knocked off work early today, thank god. The amount of grumpy customers at the bakery today was simply astounding! Anyway, if you and Patton want to bake you can do so, there should be some ingredients somewhere. If you need ingredients, just take what you need from my purse and go buy them. The boss paid me extra last week, so we can just bake a shitton this week. I'm going upstairs for a nap, don't burn the house down," his mother warned, and Logan promised not to, removing himself from Patton.

"What do you want to bake?" Logan asked, making his way to the kitchen. Patton dragged himself off the couch and followed.

"Baking? Uhh... chocolate chip cookies? Wait no, blueberry muffins. Wait no, banana bread! WAIT NO, BROWNIES!" Patton said, basically listing all of his favourite things. Logan laughed and shook his head at his boyfriend as he looked through the cupboards for ingredients.

"Well, we only have enough for chocolate chip cookies, but I can get ingredients for something else if you want? The store is only just up the road," Logan asked, turning to his excitable boyfriend. Patton grinned, eyes sparkling, and pecked Logan on the cheek.

"You're the best." Logan blushed and muttered something about that being a lie. "Can we make banana bread?" Logan nodded, making his way out of the house.

"I'll be back in five minutes, do you want to find all the ingredients? I'm pretty sure there's a recipe on the bench somewhere, we make cookies all the time," Logan told him. Patton eagerly searched for and found the recipe, reading Logan's mum's handwriting carefully.

"Butter..." Patton muttered each ingredient to himself as he searched the kitchen for them, carefully placing them on the bench in an order the would satisfy Logan's need for tidiness. Logan suddenly burst through the door, an armful of groceries.

"I made a mistake and accidentally bought marshmallows." Patton looked up at Logan skeptically, not believing him. "Okay okay, I bought marshmallows because they look really good and I know you love them and I love you so here they are." Patton blushed, catching the (family size) packet of marshmallows Logan threw his way. Logan dumped the groceries on the bench and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist, pressing a tender kiss to his neck. "I love you."

"I love you too, but I also love the idea of me eating some chocolate chip cookies so let me go." Logan chuckled and released Patton, unpacking the ingredients.

"I'm going to make the banana bread while you make the cookies, because you have the recipe right there, okay? Follow the method carefully, just ask for help if you need it." Patton nodded as Logan preheated the oven to the correct temperature and got out all the utensils he needed. Logan made sure to keep an eye on his clumsy boyfriend, knowing full well that he wasn't good at baking in the slightest.

Except, maybe he'd been practicing? He seemed to be doing alright - not a single shell from the eggs! Maybe he was getting better? His face is so cute when he concentrates- oh. The distraction that was his adorable boyfriend made Logan get eggshell in his own mixture. Fuck.

Logan carefully began extracting the evil eggshell, when-

"Logan?" Patton asked, interrupting Logan's eggshell-extraction. "How do you... fold?" Logan slid over to his boyfriend, noticing he'd already beaten the dough to perfection.

"How did you do that so fast without an electric mixer?" Logan asked, astounded. Okay, so maybe his boyfriend wasn't shit at baking.

"You know I've got strong muscles, though my body doesn't quite show it," he reminded him, pointing to his tummy. Logan laughed and poked it teasingly, earning a kiss from Patton.

"Here, let me show you. First, just pour some of the chocolate chips in- the goal is to fold the chocolate chips evenly throughout the mixture without losing too much air, right? And then, grab your spatula-" Logan simply grabbed Patton's hand that held the spatula, then made his other hand grab the side of the bowl, "-and fold from the bottom, to the top. It's almost like... stirring sideways, but slowly." Logan guided Patton's hands gently, until Patton got the hang of it and could do it himself. "Add as many chocolate chips as you think it needs, but not too many, otherwise we may as well eat the chocolate chips as they are," he warned with a giggle.

"You claim you don't have feelings, but you're the cheesiest person on the planet, you know,' Patton informed the other. Logan simply raised an eyebrow.

"Is that so?"

"Well, yeah, you did that thing they do in romance movies where the main characters touch hands when they're doing demonstrations and stuff, which makes them fall in love." Logan smiled.

"Did it work?" Patton nodded.

"Somehow, I'm even more in love than I was before." Suddenly, an over-excited mother of Logan burst into the kitchen.

"Aww!" She cooed, snapping a photo of them looking all in love and stuff.

"Muuuum," Logan groaned, slapping his forehead in embarrassment.

"Anyways, I couldn't sleep, so I'm going to join you. Chocolate chip cookies?" Patton nodded and smiled. "They look amazing! Much better than the goop you made last time." Logan couldn't help but laugh at his mum's bluntness, making Patton shove him playfully. "And is that- LOGAN SANDERS! How dare you put eggshell in a banana bread recipe. I am very disappointed in you," his mum scolded, shaking her head and tutting sarcastically.

"Mum! I was removing it, then cutie patootie over here distracted me!" He gestured over to Patton, who simply laughed and poked him.

"Do you two want to go for a swim or something? I can finish off the banana bread and I'll put the cookies in the oven for you."

"Well, actually, we can go do our homework, but we may go for a swim later, right Patton?" Logan asked, and Patton groaned.

"Really? Homework is your idea of a cute date afternoon?"

"Well, we don't have to do homework exactly..." Logan compromised, grabbing Patton's collar lightly. Patton giggled, humming as they edged closer together.

"Okay, upstairs you go!" Logan's mum shooed, kicking Logan's butt (literally) out of the kitchen. Patton trailed behind Logan upstairs to his bedroom, the pair laughing the whole way up.

"Your mum actually makes the best spaghetti," Patton said, lying across Logan on his bed, his head on his boyfriend's belly. Logan hummed in agreement, playing with the soft, brown strands of Patton's hair. He was thinking, about both the times that Patton stood up to those other cheerleaders. The first time, he tried to outdo them, like he was trying to win Logan over. Then the second time, just that lunchtime, how Patton almost tried to fend them off.

"Hey, Pat..." Logan began. Patton's beautiful light brown eyes stared into Logan's darker ones, showing Logan he was focused on the him. "You know, I figured out what those cheerleaders were doing. They were flirting, correct?" Patton nodded reluctantly, wondering where this could possibly be going. "And you didn't like it when one of them, was it Natalia? I can't remember, kissed my cheek, correct?" Patton nodded again.

"And then this morning, when you kissed me in front of her, it was an act of possessiveness. You kissed me in front of her to show her who I belong to." This time Logan wasn't asking for confirmation, though Patton hummed an affirmation. "You were jealous. I figured it out! I told you I was getting better at feelings," Logan announced excitedly. Patton rolled his eyes.

"Yes, because they were flirting with you because you're my boyfriend. It's annoying." Patton huffed, and Patton could feel the vibrations of Logan's suppressed laughter against his head.

"Patton, you know I've only got eyes for you. I may be bisexual, but I'm not going to fall in love with every girl I meet, just like I don't fall in love with every guy. But, I did fall in love with you, Patton." Patton looked up at him and smiled sheepishly.

"You know, I'm just worried I'm not enough. Stupid little... insecurities." Patton blinked back tears.

"Aw, babe," Logan cooed, lifting his boyfriend up so that he could properly talk to him, eye-level with the other. "I don't deserve you, you are honestly the best thing that has happened to me. Don't get yourself down like that, you know I love you. Besides," he added, "those cheerleaders are a bunch of bitches, and now, I hate them even more for making you feel like this." Logan pulled him in close, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. Patton immediately clung onto him, grinning at his cheesy little speech. He pressed his lips onto Logan's, Logan holding his face tenderly. They pulled apart, both with a sparkle in their eye and completely speechless. Logan opened his mouth to say something, but then Patton hushed him, leaning them back onto the bed to just cuddle.

I love you, Patton, and nothing will ever change that.

#logicality #cheerleader #patton #logan #fluff #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman #roman sanders

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