#roger is my favorite bfu oc

[anarchetypalarchive]

because i’m a fan of ridiculous, silly domestic aus: ryan who buys a roomba (equal parts laziness, curiosity, and time management induced) and shane who names it, just because:

“so what’s its name?”

ryan looks up from the roomba, which is puttering around his living room and intermittently bumping into furniture, to furrow his brow at shane. “its name?”

“mhm.”

“it’s... it’s a vacuum cleaner. it doesn’t have a name.”

shane looks at the roomba thoughtfully. “what about roger.”

“rog-- stop. no. you’re not--”

“roger the roomba.” shane nods to himself.

“i’m not calling my vacuum roger.”

“ricky?”

“no.”

“roger it is!”

no, no it is not, ryan refuses to let this happen, except then goddammit if shane doesn’t cheerfully say hey, roger! every time he goes over to ryan’s for movie night, or aw, roger’s tired whenever the roomba gets low on battery and starts making unhappy booping noises, or--

so of course one night ryan’s making popcorn while shane gets a movie set up, and he hears the frantic beeping that signifies something got caught in the wheels of the roomba. he sighs heavily and pokes his head into the living room with an irritated roger, what the hell, and then he freezes because oh no.

shane looks delighted. it’s awful. it’s the worst. ryan’s going to kill him.

roger makes an infuriatingly pleased boop when ryan clears the debris from his wheel track. unbelievable.