#rock afire explosion showtape script

[dook-s-dad]

Showtape Intermission Banter:

“All Eyes on Dook”

After 40 years of playing in the band, Dook gets confronted that he’s been doing it wrong the whole time.

- written by Yoshi

FATZ: (looks at Dook) ya know what Dook?

DOOK: (looks at Fatz, puzzled) what?

FATZ: people sayin’ yor not playin’ those drums correc’lay

DOOK: huh?

FATZ: (assertive) they sayin’ yor not hold’n those drum sticks ya got in yo hands right

DOOK: (confused) well how am I suppose’ tuh hold ‘em?

FATZ: in your hand—

DOOK: (cuts off Fatz, raises voice) I am! look! they’uh in mah hands. What are you gettin’ on about Fatz?

FATZ: (shaking head in disapproval) no no no no no, you didn’t lemme finish

DOOK: (annoyed, raises voice) I’m hold’n ‘em in my hands!

FATZ: (calmly and quietly) Dook.

DOOK: (responds calmly) yeah.

FATZ: they’uh sayin’ that yor holdin’ them like how a caveman would hold uh spoon

DOOK: huh, what’s that suppose’ tuh mean? What’s a caveman, what’s a spoon? Yo makin’ no sense to me Fatz.

FATZ: basic’lay, you’uh hold’n em too tight… and at the wrong angle too

DOOK: (confused) what does that have tuh do wit cavemen and spoons?

FATZ: never mind the cavemen and spoons, I shouldn’t have brought that up, had I known you’d get so confused

DOOK: what’s that suppose’ tuh mean? You sayin’ I’m stupid? (Looks around center stage) Guys, yo’ not gonna let Fatz talk tuh me like this, right?!

MITZI: (quietly and politely engages) well… I mean Fatz may be onto something

BEACH BEAR: (calm and collective, talks slowly) listen Dook, there’s nothing wrong with learning that you’re not particularly the greatest at something

DOOK: (raises voice) what?! Are you guys bein’ serious right now?!

BEACH BEAR: I think we’re making a polite attempt to articulate to you that it maybe time you start considering the steps to improve yourself as a drummer, that’s all

DOOK: (regular volume, but rude) Beach Bear, do I even need tuh get started on yo’ guitar playin’ oh’vuh there. Ya know, I try to stay quiet bout it cuz it don’t really mattuh, but if this is what we’re gettin’ at today, then—

FATZ: (cuts Dook off) alright alright, we’re gettin’ off track, let’s get back tuh what we was talking bout earlier

BEACH BEAR: yeah, let’s get back to that Fatz

DOOK: (still not over it, continues conversation) ok… you told me that all I gotta do is hit this drum in front of me with these sticks, and occasionally hit dis metal thing on the side too, dats it… and dats what I’ve been doin’

FATZ: When did I say that?

Dook: when you picked me up off thuh streets, remembuh? I was lookin’ for a gig to help save up fo’ a trip tuh space… then you came along sayin’ yor in a band or somethin’, and that band needed a drummuh… I didn’t know what dat was, but you was like, “no problem man, can you pick up these sticks and hit this drum in front of ya?”, and I said “really, that’s all I gotta do?”, then you gave me the gig… and here we are 40 years latuh and now you’re complainin’??

FATZ: is that really how it went?

DOOK: yes.

FATZ: I find that very hard to believe, but I would rather not keep this conversation goin’ any longer

DOOK: no Fatz, you started it. You insulted me. You know how sensitive I am about y’all making fun of me

FATZ: Dook, Dook, Dook, no one is making fun of you

MITZI: Yeah Dook, we’re not making fun of you

DOOK: you are.

FATZ: no I am not, I am providing you with the people’s constructive criticism

DOOK: (confused) construction wha’?

FATZ: constructive criticism… it’s how you learn to improve

MITZI: yeah, I think they’re just trying to be helpful

DOOK: by insultin’ me?

FATZ: no, that’s not what they’uh doin’

DOOK: so what do they want me tuh do?

FATZ: I think we need to teach you how tuh properly drum, that’s what they sayin’

DOOK: 40 years latuh man?? You can’t teach this old dog new tricks. Where was dis conversation 35 years ago??

FATZ: Dook don’t act like you wouldn’t be actin’ the exact same way have we had this conversation 35 years ago

DOOK: umm… ak’shuallllyyyy—

FATZ: (cuts Dook off) do you want the money or not?

DOOK: (begrudgingly complies) fine.

FATZ: very well, we’ll continue this discussion later. Sorry to keep you folks wait—

DOOK: (cuts Fatz off) hold up, you are not apologizin’ to them for somethin’ you started?!

FATZ: (ignores Dook) folks, I apologize fo’ that delay in our show, we are gettin’ started—

DOOK: (shakes head) unbelievable.

FATZ: (Fatz continues speaking ignoring Dook) with our next medley that we’ve been working on perfecting for y’all

DOOK: (begrudgingly looks away from Fatz towards stage right)

[the-64th-gamer]

Burt Wilson died at 68 today of natural causes.

He wrote most of the showtape scripts and original non-cover music of the Rock-afire Explosion that gave the band its amazing charm and spawned this fandom, alongside voicing Fatz, Sun, Moon, Anitoch, Santa, and Looney Bird's Mom.

RIP, thank you for giving us such a wonderful legacy of characters we cherish.