#rn im on track to major in physics having had plans to go to grad school and eventually do research in my career

[halfdeadwallfly]

I had that realization exactly three days ago. It kind of hit me, and I actually don't know what to do now. Like I still am so invested in the area of study that I was set on pursuing, but I just genuinely don't know if I have the energy to commit my life to it. I'm only a month into college and I'm already being consumed by studying, and I don't think that's sustainable for me going into a career that is going to require such investment. I want to learn and grow and know things, but on my own time. I've spent the whole of my life so far being the smart one, the one who achieves things, and I'm so burnt out now that I can't handle that anymore. I want to be the one who's happy. The one who's at the very least emotionally stable and not constantly overwhelmed in a state of intense dread for a future I fear I won't be able to handle.

these are very wise (and very real) words. believe me.

[im-screamin-out]

I have been MIA on my tumblr for good reason.

I am graduating with my BA in Psychology tomorrow morning.  (can’t sleep rn)

Im moving uptown June 1st<3.  signed my first lease and got two roommates.  I’m still at the same job but had two interviews this past week for other positions that pay more.  IM GOING TO BE A FUCKING COLLEGE GRADUATE.

I AM A FUCKING COLLEGE GRADUATE!  holy furqqq.  

can’t believe i did as good as i did this semester.  i took 6 classes.  I'm usually a C student but so far I have two A’s and two B’s for the semester.  I worked this semester but only once a week.  like super part time.  The struggle of being broke was real this semester.  my pay checks were shit.  buttt my last finals were today:)))   commencement is tomorrow.  diploma deferral for me however is not until july.  i had a non science major biology class on my transcripts but since i switched to a science major they decided oh you can't use that as an elective you can’t graduate.  i was already planning on starting taking my grad school prereqs this summer, so my anatomy and physiology this summer will be my last free elective i need to graduate.  their still letting me walk tomorrow.  I'm done all of m undergraduate classes.  I'm just lucky this didn't fuck up my timeline.  Anatomy and lab in the summer as well as taking the GRE, then anatomy II and lab in the fall with sociology and I'm taking advanced darkroom photography since i enjoyed it so much this past semester, and then chemistry and physics in the spring of 2018 then I'm going to work full-time while applying and waiting to get accepted into OT schools.  

so yeah I've been busy planning my whole next two years of my life and mapping my career path.  its been great.  

I still consider myself graduating tomorrow.  I'm done with undergraduate courses.  i have nothing left to complete for my major requirements.  i have enough hours it’s just they're pussy punk ass semantics.  

sooooo  all the research papers i had to write this semester.   they.  literally.  drained all of the life out of me.  i got B’s on them but man was it rough writing those babies.  

so catch up.. let’s see.  i got my tonsils out december ‘16 caught mono late february.  dad forgot my birthday i blacked him out of my life.  probs why i did so good this semester.  he called me a bitch and then justified it.  sooooo uncalled for.  part of the reason I'm moving.  he's my landlord and is evicting me.  i have it in email from him but now that my big day is tomorrow he's all like why are you moving out blah blah blah.  like you could have told me i didn’t have to move before i signed a lease.  any want I'm glad to be moving back into the city.  the guy in the truck who plowed the crowd at mardigras... i was a block away.  saw it happen.  there was a fatal shooting right outside of my work.  i caught up with an old bff.  I'm looking into getting VSG surgery. 

my water intake is much better.  i was on track with taking my prozac everyday until i ran out 4 days ago.  

idk what else to ramble on about.  

go watch girl boss on netflix.

toodles