#rlrandomthoughts

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the love that we deserve

We all deserve the kind of love that stays no matter what, the kind of love that will live through even in the darkest days, the kind of love that will save us from chaos, the kind of love that will always stick with us after everything that we’ve been through.

The love that speaks volumes without saying any words at all. The love that will understand difference of love and infatuation. We deserve a kind of love that is powerful yet so soft.

We all deserve the kind of love that will shower us with hugs and kisses, with faithfulness and care, the kind of love that will not be measured by the materialistic happiness.

We all deserve the kind of love that will be there through our ups and downs. The kind of love that listens. The kind of love that let’s us enjoy things. The kind of love that let us be our true selves.

The kind of love that will make non-believers believe, and the kind of love that will make the mind of pessimists believe that something good might happen, that there will be happy endings at the end of a chaotic story.

And Lastly, We all deserve the kind of love that feels like home, the kind of love like wearing a fuzzy socks in the cold night, the kind of love that is warm, like the blanket that keeps you safe at night, the kind of love that is kind, the kind of love that will fill the living room with laughter and the bedroom with full of unheard stories that you two will only know, the kind of love that protects, the kind of love that everyone fantasized about, that everyone thinks isn’t true. We deserve it! We all deserve it.

We all crave for that one true love, lovers will come and go, we hurt, we break, but we heal, we get up, and we learn. 

Until then, never settle for a love that is less than what you deserve. It will take time, but promise, when you found that one true love it will all be worth it. And once you found that person never let him go, because true love is rare nowadays.

[01290111]

do not fall in love with me

“so how does it feel to be loved by someone like you?”

Do not fall in love with me, because i will take you to museums, parks, libraries, photobooths, food trips and places that only the two of us will know. Do not fall in love with me if you don’t want someone to write and compose hundred of songs about you. Do not fall in love with me if dont like being photograph in the most random way possible. Do not fall in love with me if you don’t like it when someone write poetries about you. Do not fall in love with me if you don’t like getting long messages. Do not fall in love with me if you don’t like good morning and good night texts. Do not fall in love with me if you don’t like late night conversations. Do not fall in love with me if you don’t like long walks and dogs. Do not fall in love with me if you don’t like it when someone puts an effort and free their time just to be with you. Do not fall in love with me if you don’t like surprises. Do not fall in love with me if you can’t take my craziness. And lastly, Do not fall in love with me if you don’t like to be shown off, because for me showing you off is my only way of telling the world how much you mean to me. But please do me one big favor, Do not trick me with the thought that you already fell in love with me just to make me do all the things that i'm willing to do just for you.

[01290111]

To The Girl Who’s Still Trying

You truly love him, don’t you? You just couldn’t stop thinking of him, until it came to the point that he is your first thought every morning as you open up your eyes and he will always be one of your prayers at night and your 11:11 wish. You check your phone thinking that there might be a text or a call from him. You check his profile checking if he’s online, looking at his photos and stalking his profile just to make sure he’s doing well. You have a lot of things going on, but he’s still your priority. 

You are losing your sleep waiting for him to fall asleep, while you think of him, he is thinking of other things and worse, maybe he’s thinking of other girl. You always wait for his replies, even though it’s just a short text or it’s just a simple “haha��, it still sends butterflies to your stomach. But do you deserve this? Does he deserve you? Do you deserve him?

One day you realized you were over it, you’re just tired and you tried to move on. But then he walk passed you and all of the butterflies suddenly flew to your stomach again, and worst or maybe not, he smiled at you and it made you wanna pass out thinking how breathtaking his smile was, how wonderful he looks and how beautiful his eyes were.

He may not care about your existence, but you’ll always care for his. He is your reason for everything. He was one of the best thing that you never really had. But you always needed and wanted him and only him. 

You turn down a lot of guys for the guy that never really care about you. And you started thinking again. “Do I deserve this? Does he deserve me? Do i deserve him? Is he worthy of all the pain?”

Everyone started telling you that you deserve someone better, someone that will actually put an effort just to talk to you and plan their day just to spend time with you. They tell you, you deserve someone who actually cares about you and someone that talks to God about you. 

You’re the girl that’s worthy of all the love in the world, you’re one of those girls worth spending the rest of someone’s life with, and you’re the girl that deserves nothing but the best in life. and last You don’t deserve to be “the girl who’s still trying”, You deserve to be the girl that a guy shows off. You deserve to find someone who makes you feel like you are the one. And loves all the imperfections you have.

And hopefully as time passes by, you’ll soon forget about the guy that you always “wanted”. Because, After all if you are not the one thing he’s giving his everything to, then maybe you should just stop because he shouldn’t be the guy you are still dedicated to.

—

[01290111]

Life Update!!

It’s been a long time since my last post, a lot of things have happened, a lot of things have changed, I’am no longer writing poems for the same person, haha, But one huge thing!!! I got braces, Last Saturday. 14 of January 2017, 8:30 AM. Today is almost my 2nd day having it, and omg, i thought im getting used to it, but I’m not :(. It hurts so much.... But, eventually, my ate told me that the pain will go away after a week, because i’ll get used to with the pain. I have new blogs coming up!!! Yaaaay

[01290111]

Just To Keep You

Losing you is my biggest fear. Whenever I do something wrong I always tend to blame everyone, I blame myself, I blame my family and I blame my friends but I never blame you, because that’s how much i love you. I did everything just to keep you, But unfortunately I didn’t realize that i was too blind to see, that you are slowly drifting away from me. And once again I didn’t blame you, I blame everyone, I blame my family for telling me that I should just stay away from you and for not supporting my decisions, I blame my friends for telling me that you never really love me, I blame them for making my family hate you, and lastly I blame myself for not being good enough for you. Then it came to the point where I broke down, I look back, I reminisce, I shut down and drift apart, Then suddenly I woke up, I woke up from the reality that I lost myself just to be able to keep you. I lost my family, my friends and everyone close to me just to keep you. And that was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, I didn’t realize how stupid i became when I fell in love with you, I was stupid enough to eventually lose myself and lose everything that I have just because of the word “I love you”.

[01290111]

Dear Current Self 💖

Dear current self, I know you've been striving very hard to be the slave of perfection, You've been pretending to be fine to be the best girl. You've been trying to be the successful lady wannabe. You've been trying and working so hard proving yourself to people around you. You've been hiding your sincerest emotions to show them that you're "fine". You've been traveling along the path for what is righteousness for others but i know what you really want, you want to walk the path of acceptance that no matter how many rocks will block your way you will never give up. I know and i can see that you have been exhausted - begging, trying, pretending and taking all the adjustments that this society is giving you. You've been longing for the appreciation of your little capabilities. I've been watching you for awhile, you relapsed, you procrastinate, you hated yourself, you lied to yourself, you said you can still do it, but in reality, you're just tired. I can see it, you're tired of all the bullshits and crap that this world is giving and putting in your shoulder, You're tired and i can see it, But still you wanted to continue, because you want to prove them that they're wrong, you want to prove them that you can do it. But please, take care of yourself and love yourself. I can see it, You've been jumping and becoming someone you're really not. Let me remind you, Don't put yourself under pressure over the norms of your surrounding. Don't mind other's criticism. Don't let anybody dictate your role in this society. Stop aiming to be the most flawless creation. Get a life. Have a life. Experience Life. Dear, just please take off the mask. Be yourself. Know your worth. Love, Your future self.

[01290111]

truth

“It's really hard when you thought that he's really into you. When he shows motives that he likes you, but in the end you were abandoned hanging with full of doubts in yourself. "What's wrong with me." "Am I not good enough?" These are some of the questions in your mind.

Don't flirt with her if you have no plans of pursuing her. It'll slowly kill her inside knowing that she's just an option. It'll affect on how she will view herself. But at the end of the day, put this in mind, "Don't assume unless otherwise stated". Because who knows he's just being friendly and you just misinterpreted his actions. Don't expect too much but just go with the flow. Lastly, you deserve all the love in the world. You might be hurt now, but it shall pass for sure.”

- an excerpt from a facebook post

But aside from that she knew everything, but still decided to continue. She knew herself that well and she knew she wasn’t even an option, but she made her choice and she made herself available. She was both smart and dumb at the same time. Smart enough to know the truth that they’re just friends, but still dumb enough to continue hurting herself, believing all the lies and hoping that all those “what if’s” will happen one day, she also knew that despite all of this, it will only cause her pain. But still she decided to continue, she continue and she stayed. Why?.. because she is happy with all the feelings and emotions that she’s receiving. And now she’s here writing this short rant, looking forward to the future, the future that she doesn’t want to see for she already know what’s going to happen there, She’s preparing herself, preparing herself from the heartbreak that she caused to herself, hoping that one day if the day that she had enough, she will be okay..

[01290111]

“ASA”

a “tagalog composition”

Tatlong salita lamang ang pumapasok sa isipan ko tuwing mapaparinig ko ang salitang “asa”, Ito ay ang mga salitang UMASA, UMAASA AT PAASA. Umasa ako na magkakaroon at magiging totoo ang katagang “tayo”, Ang katagang tayo, na kailanma’y hindi mabubuo kung hanggang pangarap na lang ba ako. Lahat ng mga bagay na sinabi mo ay pinanghahawakan ko, Maliit man ito o malaki ito’y mahalaga sa akin, Pagka’t sayo, sayo nanggaling ang mga salitang ito. Mga salitang minsa’y nagbigay buhay sa akin at mga salitang minsa’y pumapatay sa akin.

Ngunit inaamin ko na hanggang ngayon “umaasa” parin ako, na sana magkatotoo ang salitang tayo. Hindi ko alam, hindi ko alam, Hindi ko alam kung paano ako magsisimula ng isang araw na hindi ko naririnig ang pangalan mo, Nagbago ako para sayo, Nagbago at mas minahal ko ang sarili ko dahil sayo. Paano at ano ang gagawin ko kung iiwan mo ako? Paano na ang bagong ako na nagsimula dahil sayo. PAANO ko sisimulan ag bagong yugto ng buhay ko, Kung ako’y nabuhay na muli dahil sayo. Paano ko ipagpapatuloy ang pagbabagong sinimulan ko dahil sayo, Kung ako ay iiwan mo rin, Hindi ko na maibabalik ang dating ako dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na mahal ko na kung sino ako dahil sayo, Minahal ko ang sarili ko dahil sa pagbabagong ginawa mo sa akin, Ngunit paano ko ipagpapatuloy ang pagbabagong nasimulan ko kung ikaw ay lilisan din.

Saanmang bahagi ko tingnan, ang pagmamahal ko sayo’y walang katapusan, Pinilit ko’ng lumayo sa’yo ngunit sa mga panahong iyon mas napagtanto ko na kailangan kita at mas minahal pa kita. Hindi ko kayang sabihin na ika’y isang hamak na paasa lamang, Dahil wala ako sa posisyon na sabihin kung ano ang gusto mo sa akin. Masakit ang umasa, Oo sobrang sakit pero hindi ko ito aaminin pagkat alam ko’ng ako’y masasaktan lamang. Takot ako, takot ako sa maraming bagay at maaring maging limitasyon ng aking buhay, ngunit nung ika’y nakilala ko biglang nagbago ang takbo ng buhay ko. Hindi ko alam kung saan at paano ngunit isang araw nalaman ko na lintek “mahal na nga kita talaga”. Ang masaktan ng isnag tulad mo ay isang prebelehiyo para sa akin dahil katulad nga nang sinabi ko ikaw ay naiiba kung ikukumpara sa milyon milyong lalaki, Ngunit kung ako ay papipiliin, mas pipiliin ko na ako’y iyong mahalin at kung pagbibigyan ang aking hiling, sana ika’y maging akin.

Ngayon lang ako nagmahal ng ganito, ngayon lang ako nagkaganito, Ngunit katulad nga ng sabi nila ang masaktan ay kakambal na ng pagmamahal. Sana balang araw, sana isang araw marealize mo na ako na ang babaeng hinahanap mo, Ang babaeng magpapatakbo ng buhay mo at ang babaeng gusto mong makasama hanggang sa huling hininga ng buhay mo. Sang yung balang araw nayun ay mangyari sa mga sumusunod na araw at buwan dahil hindi na ako makapag hintay na ibigay ang lahat ng nararapat sa isang taong tulad mo. 

[01290111]

sometimes the beauty of a place isn't enough for it to be remembered. Because most of the times we remember the beauty of things if we spend it with someone special and that's why there are places that are just beautiful and places that are oh so beautiful and special to us.