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yasminozrose · 5 years

Text

“Trust”

5707 Words Rivetra Fanfic after many long time ago XD Wattpad link here Genre : Angst, Blood, Romance, Near death Pairing : Levi x Petra , Rivetra,

Petra Ral wasn't all perfect, none of the soldiers are. Reality hits harder when they venture outside the walls. Petra remembered her first near death encounter on her first day as a scout already, and somehow it was her best friend that trade her life for her safety instead. Losing her best friend from trainee days on day one left her feeling guilty. Survivor guilt was something a soldier should handle soon or later. None is safe at all outside the wall. Even the titans didn't give her enough time to grief after they digested her one only best friend. She simply froze, almost ready to die. But her day wasn't over yet. A black hair man suddenly came to her rescue, like she had finally found a dripping water out of the dessert. She witnessed the strength of Humanity Strongest right before her eyes. Slicing Titans here and there like it was just another normal day for him.

"Hey new recruit. You Okay..? What is your name ?"

He helped her coming back to her senses again after that horrifying experience. Even learned to forgive herself for the guilt she had. It wasn't instant, took her months. Although the man just simply gave small pep talks to her, she treasured it so much. She learned that he was recently promoted as a captain at that time but he doesn't have a squad yet. He said he wasn't ready yet. But he could use some training to give his subordinate some pep talk. And So she learned that he wasn't that scary as most people think he is.

Petra trained so hard months by months and finally killed her first titan on her 3rd expedition. She never expected anyone to recognize her. She just wanted to honor her late mother who died outside the walls back when she couldn't even walk yet nor remember her own mother's face. But she felt like her mother will always be there protecting her when she is outside the walls. She thought that she was alone in the middle of the forest, but she wasn't. Pair of steel grey eyes surprisingly saw her in distance. And she recognized him.

"Excuse me sir, Why it seems like you monitored me sir ?"

A curious question came out of her mouth so sudden when they entered the gate back from an expedition. Quite bold she must say, but she needs to get it out her mind. She was hoping for a warm answer from him. But he gave her cold shoulder.

"Monitor you? No shit, of course i have to monitor every scout especially young recruit brats like you. By that i mean everyone, you think you're some special huh?"

He glared at her thinking that he might not be on the good mood or it was just the way he talks or he was just stressed out after expedition.

Wasn't sure what to reply, her mouth opened about to say something but she didn't at the end. The ginger hair went silent and continued their ride to the headquarter while looking down. Maybe she just imagined things.

"Congratulation of your first kill. I expect more from you Ral."

His deep voice was loud and clear to her ears that sparks something inside. But the man simply accelerate his horse and left her behind in awe.

She wasn't sure what he meant by that, but she bet that it was just some mandatory things for a captain and the higher ranks to acknowledge every subordinates achievement, it wasn't something personal she thought.

_____________________________________________________________________

And so on, she trained so hard more than ever knowing that she gain more confidence from that first kill. Perhaps she could call herself of a maniac for a woman to train so hard than any other female in the scout. It's not like she didn't make friends, but no one really came close to be her best friend. Not after her late one. That's why she spend most of her free time training. People says that practice makes perfect. It was solidly proven on her next 4th and 5th expedition. Her solo kills increased And it wasn't a fluke or luck. It was all from her sweat and tears.

"Would you.. be.. in my squad?" His voice was low, but still firm to her

The man that happened to saved her from death on day one now asked such a strange question to her. She was sure despite of her achievements, there are far many other soldiers who are better than her. When she asked him for his reasons, he gave a big sigh and close the file on his desk. Which was her progress report

"Never mind.." he headed to exit his office.

"I-- ! I would do my best sir !"

She didn't realize how loud her voice was that got him startled. Although she didn't face him. She could feel her hearbeat just exploded for few seconds. A sound more like a chuckle from behind was heard.

"..good then.. I expect more from you from now on the squad, Ral"

______________________________________________________________________________

Expectation was something that the survey corps try not the think too far about. Despite all the gains and loses, they will never let that light of home that someday...titans could be eradicated from the wall will happen one day. All scouts doing their best to survive and improve their skills and knowledge about the outside world. Although it was scary, but the outside world give feeling of freedom to those are brave. Petra was one of them. And definitely now she was on Levi's squad. Alongside with the other 3 talented soldier who happened to be like a family to her.. each and every one of them creating a bond that just irreplaceable. Even for Levi, he learned so much as a captain and even as a better person from them.. as for Petra, She almost..just almost never feel that terrified anymore of the outside world because of them.

That's what she expect though..

High expectation leads to a high disappointment isn't?

They were in the middle of a forest, somehow the squad got separated after a fight with a horde of titans that pushed them to spread out to lure it leaving Petra and her captain in god knows where they are with few bunch of Titans ahead of them. Levi refused to left Petra's side. Everyone knows that her safety is their top priority. But she hate how the squad act and think that she was the weakest that always need the captain's protection. And so she wanted to prove something to her captain that she isn't.

"Captain, I understand that you want to protect me by staying by my side, but please don't stop me when it comes to killing these titans ahead."

She took her blade out ready to engaged. Eyes filled with determination at the horde of titans ahead. The raven haired man simply look at her from her side, eyes filled with trust.

"No, I won't stop you.. I trust you..that's why I'm-"

the steel grey eyes met the honey one. He was kind of cut in half sentence since her face was so near.

He never once told her in words that he trusted her. It's not like he wasn't. She knew that her captain is more a man of action, not words. His guidance, his patient, his effort throughout the years for the squad simply because he believe in them, they always knew somehow. She always knew. But for him saying the words directly to her after all the hard work past couple years really something precious to her. How she wished she could just stop the time and hug him saying thank you million times to him without anything to worry ahead. Well..it was just her short imagination that somehow made her face warmer. She turned her gaze again at the titan to distract herself. So did Levi.

"that's why I'm... never mind. Let's butcher these fuckers out" Eyes on the prize again.

"Yes sir"

Both of them did great team work at killing the rest of the titans ahead. Even petra managed to solo killed 3 titans while Levi.. well almost countless. He pretty much swept everything without breaking a sweat.

"Wow.. Captain, give me a break will you.. haha.." Petra tried to catch her breath while they rest on a branch for awhile.

"You go rest awhile here, I'll handle the rest" Already readying himself for another round.

"No.., That's not fair captain..huh" She wiped her sweat eyes still determined.

He really admires her determination

"..if you insist... Be careful alright, don't get too cocky Petra" He said to her with such a smug face and launched himself again to the titans horde.

"hmm.. look who actually gets cocky huh.. " and then she launched herself again.

_______________________________________________________________________________

This time, the titans horde were more challenging. Perhaps because she wasn't on her full stamina anymore. But a special operation squad's soldier like Petra, isn't any ordinary soldier, or so she thought.... 1..2..4.. more titans she killed solo and few of teamwork with Humanity Strongest himself. She felt like she was between heaven and hell that she could fly freely while killing these demons on earth. She didn't expect that she was this strong. Perhaps having her captain nearby really gives some sort of comfort to her even in combat to truely shows her true potential. Perhaps it was what he was about to say back in the tree branches....

While she was thinking of that possibility, She was caught off guard when an abnormal titan suddenly jumps right to her with a wide mouth opened out. Instantly, Levi left everything he was doing and straightly launch himself towards her in pure horror. His heart skipped so many beats that it was not even as fast as what Petra felt at that short time. Before she could even scream, she was pushed to the side by such a huge force that came from Levi who just threw himself at her causing both of them to fall from 10 meter height hard on the ground losing any control and gravity before they rolled so hard on the ground. The impact was so great and Levi made sure to protect Petra's head with his arms.

Everything went black for mere seconds.

The nearby stomping footsteps was the thing that woke her up. She took another seconds to gain her focus again when everything she saw was circulating thanks to the rolling before she felt like puking from dizzyness.

"GAH--!"

A sharp pained voice was the one that actually snapped her back to reality and focus again as she jerked her head and so with her body up. Then she realize where and why she heard that voice...and so he released his arm from her to the side.

She was literally on top of Levi who seemed to be in so much pain that he could only open bits of his eyes, holding himself not to scream in pain.

Why he looked so in pain..? Why.. what happened...? Wait... what..I... Just..What..?"

Just then she realized the reason..

Her Blade on her right hand...

Simply cuts Levi's stomach in diagonal direction to his right chest.

And the cut was deep. Very deep inside.

Huge strikes of tremor hits her hard on her now trembling arms and now her whole body as she slowly release the blade and simply throw it to the side.

"Oh god.....oh GOD...OH GOD CAPTAIN....!! Wha...What I just .. WHAT HAVE I DONE..??!?!?!!"

Panic instantly possessed her and tears began to develop on her eyes as she tried her best to find anything to cover up the wound. She took off her cloak instead and gave some pressure to the wound in fast motion like adrenaline just rushed through her vein not giving Levi any moment to say a word as he was too busy to hold his pain while gritting his teeth. Hands still trembling badly while pressing on his would hoping that there won't be further bleeding. Her cloak quickly turned red already and so with her hand. His blood.

Levi was hissing sharp and short breath that it was so bad that he couldn't even structure a sentence in his head right now. He felt like every blood inside of him just flowing out right through his gut area. Even breathing hurted so much. And so he instantly realized that his ribs are somehow broken too from the impact making him pretty much paralyzed at the moment.

He was getting delirious in such a short time that scared the shit out of Petra so much she started to cry and whined on him that her tears fell down so hard.She could see just how his eyes trying so hard to focus but couldn't, how his mouth opened to say a word he couldn't. All because her stupidity. Her fault.!

As to confirmed her raging heart. A big stomp was heard from beside.

It was the titan that surprised her. An abnormal she didn't expect at all.

She slowly turned her head to the side and met the titan's terrifying smiling gaze.

It was scary as if that 10 meter titan expected her to be off guard before jumping before.

He gulped down her own saliva and holding back her tears again in pure terror. The titan slowly approached them in distance no longer than 10 meter ahead. She turned her gaze to her wounded captain again and then pull his hand to press at his wound that alerted him.

"Ppe..tr..."

He was trying so hard to stay conscious, eyes on her even though her face was all blurry to him. But he need to see her face. He needs to. But damnit why can't he focus?!

"Captain.. please, put pressure on your wound.. I'll..handle..this...one"

She began to rise up trying not to hurt him more and slowly pick up her gears as if not bothered by her now bloody blade that couldn't evaporate.. Like something inside of her just snapped as she came back to her senses but with pure anger.

It took him few seconds to comprehend their situation and most importantly, her intention to kill that last remaining titan by standing still readying herself. No..No... wait...

"PETRA DON'T-!" He shouted at her and it took him all the energy he had left

Petra stopped her action hearing it. But then realize that no one could help them at this situation. Not with that titan so close with them.

"Don't...attack..in rage...- think..through before..and..be..careful....G-ARGH--!"

Her eyes back to his side at his condition again but still standing firmly. Levi clutched his eyes tightly looking so much in pain that she never ever witnessed before. But somehow his words woken her up again.

She thought that he would stop her.

But no,

he trusted her.

He trusted his life to her

He expected her to survive this cruel world

He needs her to survive

Both of them.

And this is just one of reality that hits them anytime soon or later

What to expect...?

She refused to give up, it's not their time yet

Not for Humanity Strongest

Not when she was the cause of all of it..

And so she launched herself and lure the titan out of Levi's position thinking that it would be a wise step to avoid any further casualties.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Despite its not too tall being just a 10 m abnormal titan, this is one of interesting titan that really likes to jump. Not risking to be fooled again by its jumping attempts, Petra made sure to not miss calculate her movement up to her foot works. It was a bit hard with it's agility to aim for the neck, so she cut its both knees first and then the nape. The titan stumbled down downside just perfect for the final cut. Just when she launched herself to make the final cut, the titan suddenly rolled over and opened its mouth like it was ready to greet her inside its mouth.

Thanks to her reflects that she was able to shot one hook to the side and forced her body at such a steep angle to the side back on the tree branches again. While the titan couldn't afford to stand anymore for another minutes, it was now in like sleeping position with its arms trying to reach her up in the branches still maintaining it's stupid smiling face. She waited patiently for the titan to roll over while gaining her strength back again, but 3 minutes already passed. And it won't budge at all. And its legs almost done regenerating. Change of plans then, as much as she could redo everything from start again, she worried about the time she waste for this goddamn freaky titan knowing that her captain is dying and his state would be fatal by any minutes and seconds she wasted here.

And so she decided to cut it limped legs allover again not risking herself to get caught in its arms, so the lower part is all she could do. She thought that it was more than enough to buy her and the captain to escape at least to the higher tree branches.

But wait..Levi would need immediate medical care. And right now, the medic kit was in her horse, She remembered that she didn't leave her horse that far from their initial 'hunting' spot alongside with Levi's horse. She started to whistle for her horse and going to the hopefully right direction to their horses . But damn it wasn't that easy. It's almost like she didn't have any sense of direction anymore when she was inside the dense forest that she didn't know where to or where was she from as panic started to kick in again at the time she just wasted so much on this. She kind of just randomly finding needle in a haystack for god knows how many minutes. But Levi would really need that medical kit if they gonna survive.

Finally after a quite long search, both her horse and Levi's are on sight luckly all steady. Perhaps she was too tired already that her whistle wasn't loud enough. Thank god the medical kit was all there and so she rode her horse at full speed followed by levi's horse back to his location to save some gas left.

But back when she passed the spot where that freaky titan was before, it wasn't there anymore. That single fact just shocked her into many bad scenarios that was playing inside her head right away as she realized the footsteps.. went right through her dear captain direction.

She gripped her horse's reins even harder, playing many 'what if' scenarios inside. God knows how long she left that titan to find her goddamned horse and the fucking medkit, she lost counted. She was too focused at one thing and forgot another. How could she be that stupid. How ?!?!?!

What if that titan already there...? And..

What if that titan...already ate her captain..? In that state of his ...?

God she felt so awfull she just wanted to disappear already.

Dear God Please...!

Just when she was about to lose hope, the sight of the titan finally there, just right above Levi. Its hand was so ready to grab him by and seconds.

"CAPTAINNN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She didn't waste anymore seconds and straightly launched herself cut right to its nape at such a huge burst of gas at one go hoping that she made it on time. This time....finally she could say that she made the cut...But her earlier speed reckless motion made her lost her balance as she fell right hard down to the ground hitting her head on the rocks, she didn't fall at such a height not like before though.But now she did hit her head on the rocks, though it wasn't serious but it made her forehead bleeds somehow. Seriously, the one that should be worried the most was not her, but Levi!

A little wobbly, she ran to his side. Her cloak was entirely red now, there was a little pool of blood underneath his body already. Did the bleeding stop.. or not...? She shove the cloak and checked on the current wound condition. It was such a horrible sight. Even his porcelain skin all now pale all painted in red.The bleeding didn't entirely stop but it was slowing down and it seems starting to dry. But his eyes were closed tight. Skin and lips went way too pale...

"Captain...?.....Captain Levi......?"

her voice was so weak, she whispered his name

She tried to shook his shoulder only to get no response whatsoever.

"This can't be happening right..? After all the things I....we...went through...No..NO !"

She keeps shocking his shoulder in tears that couldn't be stopped anymore. She tried to find any pulse from his wrist and neck, not convinced enough, she listened to his chest that now getting all blooded up.

The heartbeat....it was still there....faintly...

She frantically search for adrenaline shots inside the medkit that hopefully can wake him up. She needs him to wake up. Even for a while. Unable to think any better solution, she injected him with adrenaline dispute of the risks of a heart failure. But then it works.

His body jerked up and felt a rush of blood all over him again, regaining consciousness slowly, he took a while to check their surroundings, a new evaporated titans that fucker responsible for everything they went through today..she even managed to bring their horses back..and then found her eyes again. He really thought he wouldn't see it anymore. She was very ready for another train of tears welding up inside when their eyes met again. But she really suck at not crying. He could feel her tears allover his face. Her whining voice. The voice she made when she tried so hard to breathe between her cries. He saw her.

"My fault.....it was all my fault....I wasn't careful....I was so full of myself.. and it got you............god please no... Captain please no... I'm so sorry ! I'm so sorry !!"

He hadn't speak any words left, She really didn't let him to though, Self blaming wasn't something strange for him. He knew that feeling exactly. He understood her.

He hate seeing her cry like this

Something inside of him just broke

He didn't want her to see him like this..

He needs to be strong, at least for her

As to confirm his strong will, he managed to place his hand onto her cheek slightly wiping her eyes that made her stop crying somehow. Eyes straight to her like he just see through her soul. The silence was deafening. His touch calmed her. And so her hand joined his. It was very hard to breathe from all of this emotion. She was literally scared to death knowing that Her captain almost died there in her arms. But now she stop trembling.

"It's..not your...fault..it's okay..Petra..you did it.." He tried so hard to speak leaving him hitching for another air. But Petra suddenly turned her gaze.

"Hey..look at me...You..saved me..that's all that matters..." He gave her a small grin, his eyes softened.

"No..! You saved me...Sir..I wasn't..careful..I...I...you..." Petra was still in rage, not facing him

God He wanted to just hug her right now and tell her that everything is alright..

But his body betrayed him. A sudden sting of pain jolted his entire body. He made a hissing sound and a slight grunt. This alarmed Petra even more and then she quickly opened the medical kit to find everything that she needs. The cut was deep and she wasn't sure if his internal organ got sliced up too or not. But she needed to act fast.

She pour some disinfectant to his cut which of course caused him to scream in pain. She never seen him like this before. Never so...vulnerable like this.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry....Captain please bear with it for awhile....."

She skillfully tended the wound, she even sew some parts of his wound hoping that it would stop the bleeding entirely. None of them speak any words as Levi just trying so hard to stay conscious to make sure that Petra is alright.

She carefully bandaged him, noticing that something bothered him not because the bleeding wound when she tried to roll the bandage underneath him.

"Is your...ribs...broken....sir...?"

He gave her a defeated sigh and gave her a little nod.

"It's just..fractured i think..it's alright..you've done..enough.."

"No it's not..sir.."

And so she began to treat his ribs area and helped him in sitting position to make sure that the bandage securely tighten his bones. They didn't move from the same spot and that cost their pants just soaked in Levi's blood pool from earlier bleeding. Not that they care anymore.

Petra was sitting right in front of him to do one last checking on her work. That's when he realized something wrong on her forehead.

"Petra..your head is..bleeding" His hand was ready to reach her wound but she stopped him mid air

"I know sir..It's not a big deal..I'll treat it myself.." her voice suddenly became colder than ever. Eyes not meeting him at all.

"Petra..." It was more of a plea rather than a call from him.

She stood up suddenly cutting whatever he was trying to say then fired an emergency smoke flare hoping that the other squad member would soon come back. She stood there in front of him back facing him in silence.

"I was so full of myself these years.....and now that....i've learned again...not to..be..." there was a slight anger in her trembling voice

Ah...It reminded him of his old self..

"Petra..treat your wound now and sit here.."

But she didn't listen to him. She did came back to him to grab the medkit box but she walked away to treat her wound. He always knew that Petra could be a little stubborn sometimes but really, he was already far being too patient with her and it began to irritates him.

"Fucking listen to your captain and come here..or I'll fucking walk there-!" before he finished his sentence he grunted in pain clutching his bandaged stomach. This of course alarmed Petra instantly as she ran to check on him again.

Did the bleeding happen again?..or was the sewing opened again..or did she make a mistake earlier...? Her eyes were full of concern and horror while examining his wound. His breath went short again as he could only opened one eye trying hard to focus just on her face.

"Captain...the bleedin-..!"

She was cut in mid sentence when he suddenly hugged her in tight embrace not caring about the pain he felt anymore from this impact that left her eyes wide open.

"I trust you remember...? We'll both survive..I promise.." He whispered to her ears

Those words hit so hard on her. She didn't know that he trusted her so much like this. She did disappoint him but at the same time she..wanted to be given another chance..

He never ever promise anything to anyone, not after Farlan and Isabel. But Petra.. she is.. just someone who is very precious to him. He hadn't got the chance to say it properly to her after all these years together..was it even the right time though..?

God knows when or where they will die right..?

He was about to say the words to her.. but everything just slowing down as he began to lose consciousness. She felt his body grew so heavy suddenly on her that frightened her even more. She realized it right away that Levi fell unconscious.. but still breathing though.. She tightened the hug

"Please hang in there..captain".. Her last tear dropped.

Suddenly, the voice of the horses and footsteps surrounded them. They finally came back home.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Petra.. you should rest" Said Eld to her

"No.. I'm fine really.. You can go rest Eld.." She gave him a smile

Knowing that his word won't change her mind even a bit, he slightly nod and left the room. The Infirmary room where she sat the whole day right next to the still unconscious Levi.

The ride back to the wall was intense. Levi was put on the wounded wagon while Petra keep watching on him on her horse. The night when they arrived to the hospital was even worse, He bleeds again and it took the doctors couple of hours to handle the situation again. It wasn't the titan that caused his wound. It was her stupid Blade that stuck inside of him... and cut him deep.. Even re imagined that made her want to puke already.

As she held his hand, she prayed for him to wake up soon.

"Please wake up Captain... I won't repeat...the same mistakes again...I'm so sorry"

Suddenly she felt a slight move from his hand as he began to open his eyes and see her again after some more seconds to really focused..on her. Their eyes met again at last.

All emotion, all the tears once again overflowed her as she involuntary hugged him again in tight embrace, it was definitely hurt his body but he couldn't afford to let her go. Her scent smelled like heaven to him. He embraced this moment so much.

Now he understood why he didn't want to let her go.

His true feelings for her. Why he trust her so much..

He loved her..

Yeah...He loved her..

It was night time already, only one candle illuminates the room with their silhouette. Soon they broke the hug but still 3 inches apart. Petra eyes gazed down. She is so beautiful he thought.

"Captain...why...you trust me so much...?" Her voice was more of a whisper

Why...? He doesn't know himself..

He just did.. or since when...He never really think about it.

He wiped her tears..again with his palm and Petra didn't resist. Just the two of them, embracing the life given to them after all that hell.

His thumb suddenly on her chin tracing her lower lips. His eyes was a bit teary and it was very beautiful. Before Petra processed what just he was about to do, his hand already pulling her close to meet his lips

But she put her hand on his chest while holding her breath and stopping his action right when their lips were only like 1 millimeter away and she backened away instantly. Her heart exploded right at that moment.

Realizing her action, he put his hands away, eyes still not met hers.

Both of them just stayed silent for god knows how long.

"Petra.. I.."

He tried to reason with her but she stood up suddenly and ready to exit the room. But before she closed the door she slightly turned her head.

"Thank you for trusting me captain.. I promise I won't let the same mistakes again..I'll let the nurse know your condition.....good night.."

She gave him one last genuine smile before the door closed. Leaving him on his own thoughts.

_______________________________________________________________________________

She instantly dropped down to the floor holding her knees.

What was that....? Did he just....? No way.....but..?

Questions keeps playing inside her head.

The man she adored so much even before she joined the scout, all the years being on his squad and realized just how much she cared for him. She cared for him deeply..and those admiration turned into....something she was really afraid of...

Soon she realized why she stopped him..yeah.. Reality hits her again so hard this time..

Anyone could die.. She could die anytime... Even He could die too..

She witnessed how vulnerable he was and how there are just too many unpredictable things outside the walls that scared her so much..

Love was something that they shouldn't have in this world

It would just bring pain knowing that either one of them will die sooner

How could she even do that to him

She wasn't brave enough...

But God...she loved him too..

He saw her training everyday from his little room still in recovery. They never really spoke again after that night. Sometimes she just brought him tea as if nothing ever happened.

He understood right away at what she meant by her action that night.

And so on he keeps on being the captain she knew.

But..He never really knows how she truly feels..

Not that he told her either..

Let just leave it this way..

And so he thought. Everything went back to normal again when he was fully healed. Although it hard at first for them to interact. But as time goes by..They both learned to accept what it is and moved on.

"Petra.." He called her one day when they were on the tree branch while taking a break in the middle of an expedition

"Yes sir..?" Her voice grew cautious

"You ever asked me why I trusted you right..?" His eyes focused on the bright sky above the tree canopy above them. She waited for his answer quietly.

"Because you are strong, kind, and independent woman.. and I always adore you for that, you should be proud of yourself and I believe that you would survive till the day we eradicate the titans"

Their eyes met again. Hers were sparkling in joy hearing those words from him. Took her 5 years to hear those words from him. It was enough... really... it was...at least for her

Please survive...

Please survive......

Please...................

Those sentence keeps playing in his head like a prayer..

He trusted her so much......

But who can he blame...The world...?

No, It wasn't enough for him..

He wanted to convey his true feelings after all of this hell.....

Please survive.....

Don't leave like this...

No.....no.......no way............

I trusted you Petra.... I trust you....

His world crumbled instantly the moment he saw her body...

Her usual warm honey colored eyes now looks dead gazing up the sky like she was gazing at him.

He didn't know who to trust anymore. He never tried to.

He trusted Erwin though. But it's...different...than Petra...

If Erwin someday dies too...

Who would he trust anymore....?

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dualwingss · 6 years

Text

‘’Shut up and kiss me already’’

Rivetra. Writing prompt #55. Suggested by @ungewissen (thanks!)

Word count: 1759

Love and loyalty are two very different things, and everybody in the Scouting Legion was able to discern between them. The moment each and every soldier took the decision to leave their homes to devote their lives to a greater cause, they knew they were doomed to die in the battlefield at some point, hence love was an extreme inconvenience that was not compatible with their new lifestyle. What was left in their hearts was just hope, devotion and a will to put their souls in the hands of those who would guide them until their very last day. There was no room for anything else.

They had a saying; a soldier’s heart was made of ice. Letting people get too close endangers it, therefore it must be kept very carefully because nothing could ever function without a heart. They had to prevent it from shattering and from melting down, and the easiest was to do that was to avoid other people’s hearts. Of course, almost no one followed that unspoken rule. Soldiers were humans, and humans fall in love, humans fall out, humans hurt, and humans heal. The fact that they don’t usually get married doesn’t mean that they don’t have lovers. It’s more of a personal matter, and the rest is just facade.

That, however, doesn’t take away the fact that it’s still an inconvenience. If you’re strong enough to deal with feelings then having someone by your side can be the most comforting thing in the world, but it can —and it will —also destroy you. That’s why it’s easier to live the way Levi Ackerman chose to live, too bad his human nature betrayed him once he really got to know Petra Ral. Not the nice, sweet, caring Petra Ral every recruit had an instant crush on, not the beautiful little ginger woman who looked like an angel and fought like a demon, but everything else, everything she was as a whole. He knew about her childhood days, the things she treasured, her deepest thoughts, her undisclosed desires, what made her strong. He learned from her about comfort and trust, and he also learned that sweet and kind doesn’t equal plain, reckless and stupid. She showed him something else that was worth fighting for, because she was the living proof that humans are worth existing.

He can’t really pinpoint the moment it all started. It was progressive, and it intensified in time. That was why it was too late to decide to stop caring—or whatever it was— so much about his subordinate all of a sudden. He can however remember the time when his team started to become more than a simple group of people to him. It took years, but they somehow became friends, a family. At the time the thought of being so close to them was scary because they could be torn away from him so easily, just like Farlan and Isabel, but now that he was too worried about what the hell it was with Petra, friendship seemed way less dangerous.

It was slowly, and then suddenly. He found himself wanting to stay when everyone else but her left the room so he could simply be in her presence. He found himself wanting to hear her stories about picking goddamn flowers from when she was a child. He even found himself showing her his place, the place he went to when he wanted no one to find him. He took her there on one of those sleepless nights before an expedition, and in return she told him all her grandma told her about the stars. Those white stupid little things in the sky —he didn’t care about them, but somehow, he wanted to listen to every single word that came out of her mouth.

Her mouth. He would also sometimes find himself staring at it for too long before realizing how inappropriate that was. He’d question what the hell was wrong with himself, and then he’d go back to repressing his own feelings, not acknowledging the fact that he was indeed falling for her. How easy it was, really, to fall for her. Just a bit of her essence and he’d be hooked to her fire without the possibility of turning back. Dead end.

Even though he wouldn’t admit it to himself, deep down he knew. That was why he started the avoiding operation, some sort of self-defense mechanism. It worked for a little while; after all minimum interaction resulted in less thinking about her. He thought that it’d work, and that as easily as he had started to feel whatever he was feeling for her, it would also go away, and everything would get back to normal.

Of course not.

Such a sudden change in attitude coming from someone you’re so close to doesn’t go unnoticed. Even considering his stern personality, Petra could feel that something was wrong with Levi. He was his usual self with everyone else, but for some reason he was much more distant with her. For weeks, he only spoke to her to give her orders, only in training, and of course only addressing each other formally. It was starting to upset her, because she didn’t understand where she went wrong. They had known each other for years, if she had done something that bothered him he could’ve just told her like he had always done.

Another one of those sleepless nights it was, when she had too many things to think about. She really wanted to talk to Levi, but she didn’t know how to approach him. It felt like he was genuinely mad at her for some reason and she didn’t want to make it worse, so she never said anything. Frustrated, Petra Ral was just wandering around the barracks as she had already given up on trying to sleep. Without even realizing it, her feet led her to that one special place, and maybe it was her subconscious mind trying to get her to fix this situation. She wasn’t looking for him, really, but she was sort of expecting him to be sitting there by himself, on that particularly well-hidden part of the rooftop, easily accessible if you were agile enough. It was dark, of course, but the light of the moon was bright enough to allow her to distinguish her captain’s figure. Everything was so quiet, just as if nature was expecting this reunion to happen. Their eyes met, and for a moment she thought of turning back, and maybe she should’ve, but instead she reluctantly walked up to him.

‘’What’s wrong, sir?’’ She made Levi’s heart skip a beat. Her voice showed concern, but although it didn’t sound like it, she was demanding an actual genuine explanation. Not as a subordinate, but as a friend. The formalities made it worse, because they made the wall standing between them even larger, but Levi got the message.

He simply looked away, avoiding. Petra frowned and decided to take a seat right in front of him. She hugged her own knees as she carefully picked her next words. ‘’I-‘’She sighed. ‘’I don’t understand. What has changed? Really, just tell me.’’

‘’Tell you what?’’ He finally spoke. It wasn’t a brilliant thing to say, but he couldn’t stand how hurt her voice sounded. Was it really that big of a deal to her? Well, he knew it was. He knew she cared about him, somehow, so that conversation was going to end up happening at some point. He should’ve been prepared.

‘’Sir.’’ She paused. ‘’Levi. Have I done something wrong? You know you can trust me, and I don’t get it. You’re not the kind of person who just shuts up when something bothers them, so why haven’t you told me if whatever I did got you so mad you don’t even talk to me anymore? ‘’

‘’I’m not mad at you.’’ He admitted. ‘’Just leave it, it’s me, and it’s just bullshit.’’

‘’It’s not ‘just bullshit’. You can’t give me the silent treatment for literally no reason.’’

‘’I’m not giving you any silent treatment, Petra. We’re just not as close and that’s it. I’m not punishing you or some shit, so don’t think that.’’ If anything, it was the opposite.

‘’Well, it feels like it.’’

Silence. Levi knew it was unfair, he really did. All those repressed feelings were overwhelming him, and the fact that he was facing Petra and seeing how his stupid choices affected her made him feel extra guilty. She could read in his eyes something that gave her the courage to speak again like she knew what was really going on. And probably she did, because she had been thinking that maybe he felt kind of the same way weeks ago until it all just suddenly ended. It made sense, it really did, but she still thought it was a stupid thing to assume. There was nothing to lose, though, because how much worse could it be? They knew how to be professional when needed, and that conversation, however it ended, was not going to change that.

‘’What the hell is it?’’ He turned to look at her, slightly surprised by her choice of words. He was staring at her mouth again.

‘’Look, I’m sorry.’’ He said, eyes still fixed on the same spot. He wasn’t the kind of person who would apologize so easily if he didn’t really mean it.

‘’What is it, Levi? You know you’re important to me, not only as my captain. We’ve been through a lot, all of us, together. You don’t have to do everything alone, just let me in. Whether it’s the same thing on your end or not, I lo-‘’

‘’Don’t say it.’’

Petra stopped talking. She looked down, her heart pumping on her chest. She sighed before looking back up. ‘’Why not?’’

‘’It’s not going to do us any good. It fucks things up and it makes everything more complicated than it already is.’’

‘’I don’t care. I love you.’’ There, she said it, surprisingly steady. Her voice didn’t tremble for a second.

Levi heard it, loud and clear. Those words could ruin his and her life. ’’There’s no room for that in this fucking world. We’re soldiers, we-‘’

‘’Just shut up and kiss me already.’’

He didn’t manage to say anything else, he just stared at her for a few seconds. That sounded like a terrible fucking idea, he thought, as he moved forward, pulled her closer and pressed his lips against hers.

First time I’ve written in English for a looong while. It’s kinda basic,and it doesn’t really step out of the box but I still had fun writing. Hope you liked it!

((Levi is so OOC in this I'm going to cringe))

#rivetra #rivetraweek #levixpetra #petraxlevi #petra ral #levi ackerman #levi #shingeki no kyojin #snk #attackontitan #aot

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