#ritsuka is always too hard on himself so it helps ground him being reminded of that fact

[yoakenouta]

can u tell im a sucker for dynamics that make ritsuka feel like a normal person

[mdelpin]

Unwinding

Winter Holiday Event 2020 Prompt(s): First and Feast Pairing(s): Mafuyama, pre-slash Akiharu AO3

Summary: Mafuyu notices the tension between Akihiko and Haruki and tries to help them resolve it by planning an outing for the band at the park.

It had been a beautiful sunny day when they had left the studio, the kind that made you want to stop at a convenience store for snacks and then head to the nearest park for a picnic. A warm breeze was blowing, and Mafuyu was reasonably sure he could talk Ritsuka into coming, but he wasn’t quite sure how to convince Akihiko and Haruki to join them.

Mafuyu didn’t know what had happened between Haruki and Akihiko to cause the tension he’d seen for the last few days. But it was becoming more pronounced with every passing day. Since Haruki had shown up with his new haircut, he and Akihiko’s sound just wouldn’t sync up at all, and although Mafuyu didn’t want to bring attention to the situation, it was making him nervous.

He knew something was wrong, but not what, and that feeling made him uneasy. Ever since Yuuki had died, his own feelings had become muted and confusing, but he had become hyper-aware of everyone else’s, and any pronounced change made him anxious.

It was something he had to work on for himself. Not every argument was going to be the final one, but the pain was still fresh, and the fear that it might happen again was overwhelming.

Just as he was getting ready to suggest the outing, some kids walked by holding kites in their hands, talking excitedly about going to the park. When Mafuyu looked back at his friends, half expecting to find Akihiko making a snide comment, he saw something unexpected.

Ritsuka was staring after the kids, the longing in his eyes unmistakable, and that gave Mafuyu an even better idea. “Would you like to fly kites too?”

Ritsuka pretended not to care, it was almost cute how hard he tried to seem unaffected by the question, but Mafuyu could still see the yearning, and he wanted nothing more than to give him this one simple thing. Before he could say anything, Akihiko immediately began to tease his boyfriend.

“Don’t tell me Uecchi never learned how.”

“My parents both worked. They didn’t have time to teach us stuff like that,” Ritsuka scowled, and his jaw tightened, “Besides, it’s not like I even care.”

Mafuyu could not believe his luck when Haruki spoke up, “I used to love flying kites as a kid, I can’t even remember the last time I did something like that. We should go, there are usually vendors at the park.’

He smiled at Ritsuka and patted him on his shoulder, “Come on, Uenoyama, I will not only buy you one, but I’ll also teach you how to fly it.”

“Should we stop at the convenience store and get some food?” Mafuyu asked.

Ritsuka immediately perked up at the mention of food, and so Mafuyu’s plan came together with barely any effort on his part. It took them about ten minutes to buy enough food and drinks for a small army, and off they went, Haruki explaining to Ritsuka what they were going to be doing while Mafuyu hung back in silence with Akihiko.

Haruki ended up buying Mafuyu a kite as well, leaving Akihiko with all the food and instructions to find them a spot for their picnic. To Mafuyu’s surprise, he accepted without complaint. They spent a fun afternoon flying kites, laughing when Ritsuka managed to tangle his in a tree. He looked so sad both Mafuyu and Haruki offered theirs as a replacement.

Ritsuka was actually smiling, and Mafuyu couldn’t help but feel its effect. It was so rare to see his boyfriend relax and enjoy something that wasn’t directly related to music. And he realized with a start that he had managed to do a first with his boyfriend, something he had only ever managed with Yuuki. Although if he thought about it, they had already shared a few firsts.

Soon Haruki hung back smoking one of his cigarettes, content to watch them but making no move to join Akihiko.

Ritsuka turned to him, his smile still as full as before, “Thank you for this, it was really fun.”

“You should thank Haruki, he’s the one who bought it for you,” Mafuyu reminded him.

“Should we go find Akihiko? I’m kind of hungry.”

Mafuyu agreed, looking at Haruki out of the corner of his eye to see how he reacted to the suggestion, but the bassist said nothing. He walked back to Ritsuka to teach him how to bring down the kite without ripping it. After a few scoldings from Haruki about being gentler, they were on their way.

They found Akihiko sprawled on the ground, having fallen asleep as he waited. They sat around him and began opening cans of soda, the noise waking up Akihiko.

“Did you enjoy yourselves?” Akihiko asked as he took out food items and passed them out.

“Mhmm,” Ritsuka managed as he took a gigantic bite from his sandwich.

There was an awkward silence after that. It was Haruki who always chattered, and without his example to follow, they sat quietly. Mafuyu began to feel anxious again, and before he even thought about what he was doing, he threw a chip at Ritsuka.

His boyfriend scowled at him, and Mafuyu threw the next one at Haruki, curious to see his reaction. Haruki began to lecture him about making a mess until a piece of fruit smacked his chest. They both looked to see who had thrown it, only to see Ritsuka smirking at them.

This created a chain reaction, with Akihiko joining in before long until even Haruki was taking part in the impromptu food fight. Food went everywhere they could get it. Soon they had escalated, shaking their cans and spraying each other with their drinks. Their laughs rang loud and true, and Mafuyu found he could breathe easier.

It wasn’t a fix by any means, but at least for now, a small chink had been made. The rest of the work would have to come from Akihiko and Haruki.

A/N: I came up with this after reading @cloverdreams entry this morning. Thanks for the inspiration!

[morievna]

Strangler Fig and Given - Ritsuka

I hope that everybody who is reading it is okay. It is rather anxious what is happening now... Personally I am fine – I am healthy and lucky enough to work remotely from home. And marathoning Twoset violin vids xD

I have realized recently that I rarely wrote about Ritsuka outside chapter analysis. I like him, but his character arc after volume 2 is kind of stuck and sometimes he is only there as Mafuyu’s boyfriend. Hopefully, it is just slow build-up since current arc provided some opportunities to explore his character further. Actually now I am interested when it all will go and whether story will take some a bit dark turn. Well, Gusari likes drama so who knows ^^

What got me thinking more about him is that when I reread Strangler fig some time ago, I noticed something interesting:

This part from Ritsuka POV  (chapter 23) reminded me of Seiji POV from Strangler Fig:

Even though it is worded differently, it is rather similar way of thinking about who needs more somebody in relationship. As though characters Seiji and Ritsuka are very different, both stories are about struggling with repressed feelings and relationships entwined with dependency, jealousy and possessiveness.

But before going deeper, there is another interesting thing – how perfectly fits symbolism of titular strangler fig with all of it.

Strangler fig was named for their pattern of growth upon host trees, which often results in the host’s death. Beginning life as a sticky seed left on a high tree branch by an animal, the young strangler lives on the tree’s surface. As it grows, long roots develop and descend eventually reaching the ground and entering the soil. Several roots usually do this, and they become grafted together, enclosing their host’s trunk in a strangling latticework, ultimately creating a nearly complete sheath around the trunk.

Although a strangler fig often smothers and outcompetes its host, there is some evidence that trees encased in strangler figs are more likely to survive tropical cyclones, suggesting that the relationship can be somewhat mutualistic.

[source]

Note here that whether we are thinking about the positive or negative, the idea is to use the symbolism for self-introspection and personal growth, so even if we are looking at the negative aspects, it helps to approach this symbolism with the intention of achieving transcendence. Intuitively, it is not difficult to see that dependency and possessiveness emerges as a theme in the strangling fig story. Are we forming a dependency on a person that is ‘strangling’ him or her? Are we using a person as a clutch for personal gain? Are we possessive in our personal relationships?

[source]

I found it pretty fascinating – thanks Kizu Natsuki for opportunity to learn some random tree facts xD

Okay, I am going to compare Ritsuka and Seiji - there will be some spoilers for Strangler Fig, but more just about character than plot. At the end there will be some speculation where I think story may go.

At starting point both of their relationship with respective love interest are quite similar – they both see themselves are protector of his beloved one. Seiji regarded Akira as crybaby and Ritsuka thought of Mafuyu as adopted stray dog. That’s why both of them was acting as they are more dependable one, who has to look after another. Of course I don’t mean it as something bad, I think just some people feel better when they are in charge actively and taking care of others as having some control of situation and not being helpless.

As story progresses relationships changes as well – in SF it is more direct like the quote I attached at the begining, where Seiji realized that relationship is not so simple and he needs Akira more than he thought previously. In Given it is shown more gradually with Ritsuka realizing Mafuyu’s influence on his music and what it really means. Over time Ritsuka is no longer teaching Mafuyu, but realized that his own music changed and that he have feelings for him – we see him struggling accepting sexual orientation. But after advice and support of others he is able to confess his feelings before live performance, which ultimately leads to him and Mafuyu getting together.

The same struggle has Seiji – as he tried to suppress his feelings while dating multiple girls at the same time. It was also related with family expectation – being heir to rich family, which owns big company and he was strained by it. We see much later in the story how much his father’s acceptance of his sexuality puts him at peace and allowed him to move forward.

But before that happened – there was a domino effect that led to tension and later separation between him and Akira. The factors were as mentioned earlier –  trying to suppress his love as well as  jealousy and possessiveness over Akira. Besides, he was unsure what Akira was thinking and feeling of him and that’s why later seeing Akira’s jealousy made big impression on him.  

In Given there are similar motives as well, jealousy is often brought up in Ritsuka’s arc as he is struggling with his feelings for Mafuyu. So let’s take closer look.

In chapter 18 there was Ritsuka’s outbreak about his jealousy of spending so much time with Akihiko. I found it interesting especially that he looks up to Akihiko a lot – whatever is it wanting to be muscular like him or looking for advice. All of it looks to me as he is insecure and afraid that Mafuyu will chose somebody better than him (in his mind).

It maybe is a stretch, but it is interesting how he commented to not wanting to be feminine while Akihiko appears to be more hmm traditionally masculine at first glance. But I am not sure that Gusari intended Given as gender commentary, so I won’t look deeper into this since it is a bit tricky topic. But still you can see that Ritsuka has a set of expectation about what he wants himself to be.

His insecurities showed back again in chapter 23 – he still is unsure what Mafuyu thinks of him and what wants out of their relationship. All makes him more trying to control and suppress his desires. In addition, he is afraid that he will hurt Mafuyu. Just like in Strangler Fig – Seiji is pretty much fearful too that his feelings will consume and destroy Akira. Both of them are quite unsure how to express their love and affection and fear that it will turn badly.

When Mafuyu mentioned that there was similar clock in Yuki’s home, Ritsuka’s reaction is quite telling too. It is interesting that he perceived it as some sort of test. To me it feels like he want to be worthy of replacing Yuki in Mafuyu’s life – like wanting to not be worse than him and setting expectation which he thinks that has to fulfill. It is interesting how much jealousy and insecurity are combined together.

In addition, this theme reappears in mix_3

It is quite peculiar how much is not believing that Yuki was that good in music – as it was easier for him if it was otherwise. It lines up with text on cover of this chapter – Ritsuka wanting to forget that Yuki possesed many of Mafuyu’s firsts. Again, insecurity.

As mentioned earlier – seeing Akira being jealous gave Seiji clue about he is thinking about him. I think it is possible that we see something like that in Given too.

Way back in chapter 5 there was jealous Mafuyu, but back then he couldn’t talk about his feelings. Although a lot changed since then, but still he has some problems with that (which is totally understandable) and his character development is not over after all. I think it would be good to see him exploring and expressing more negative emotions since it is important to acknowledge them too. So I think it will be something another situation with in the future and he will express and handle it better. Personally I think it would be interesting if it would be similar to mentioned case with Ritsuka and Akihiko – feeling jealous over person he looks up to like for instance Ugetsu.

On the side note, I will be surprised if there is none of interaction between Ugetsu and Ritsuka in the future. Or rather it would be wasted potential. To be honest I considered it a bit weird that Ritsuka was called a prodigy around volume 3. I would say he always appeared to be quite skilled and very hard-working since he was young, but being prodigy is sort of different thing. It would make more sense to me if it was done on purpose that he and Ugetsu would foil each other at some point and have some sort of dynamic like Oikawa and Kageyama from Hq. Besides, it would be interesting to see Ritsuka questioning his own talent and reasons to play music.

So where it all leads? *ominous voice*

Okay, so I will run wild with speculation.

As I mentioned several times before I think that Mafuyu will sing Yuki’s song and perform together with Ritsuka and Hiiragi and Shizu. My main reason behind is that it would be good closure for the story, tying past and future together into something new. But I am afraid that lots of drama will lead to that.

I think that current situation will escalate – Ritsuka will be more and more engaged in playing with Hiiragi’s band instead of Given. As a way to prove himself to be not worse than Yuki he will keep working hard and focusing more on music than anything else. Which of course will bring Mafuyu anxiety since it will remind of his past and will make him worry that it will repeat.

I think there will be some argument between Ritsuka and Mafuyu and it will too overlap with some Akihiko-Haruki drama (since Akihiko is trying to balance violin and drums I am expecting some collision like violin contest and Given performance happening in the same time. And you know these instruments have double meaning xD), which all of it will cause that they will disband or simply stop playing together for a while depending how much angst Gusari wants.

I think that Yayoi will try to make up for her mistake and nudge Ritsuka into talking with Mafuyu. Then they will finally talk about his past with Yuki (I mean it has to happen at some point) and make it up. Then I think there will be proposition for Mafuyu to play with them and sing Yuki’s song.

After all music is foundation for Given, but still main theme is love story. So I believe it is not about small band becoming successful, but rather showing Mafuyu’s journey – how he healed from past trauma and regained back love (Ritsuka) and community (Hiiragi and Shizu) as well as reconcile at spiritual level with Yuki by playing his song. This is how end of his arc would felt satisfactory to me, but we will see what Gusari is planning. Of course, I don’t expect to be right about everything, it is more that these are themes I expect to appear in story.

As always thanks for reading.