#ripsaralance

[krewellaarrowpll]

[vive-amorra]

shit you guys oliver is so obviously avoiding talking to felicity rn because he will completely break if he talks to her 

[wildroses-peonies]

My parents aren't even fandom people but I can't talk to them about this (re: Sara Lance dying) cuz they are conservative Christians. They have "accepted" me for who I am, but they still make anti-gay sentiments behind my back. I know they do. 

Sara was my hope when my family wasn't. She was there for me when I couldn't count on my family. Now, I don't even have her.

Now, I'm crying again. Again. This is the 3rd time I've cried over her death. I am angry. I am sad. I am probably even depressed. I had my peace with Sara probably dying in 2.23. I expected that. I didn't expect this cheap, shock value death. 

I know there are other heroines I can turn to. (Thank god The Color Purple exists). I know eventually I will be okay. But I don't feel okay now. That hopeless feeling I had before I came out --- worrying if I would accepted by my parents --- that's how I feel right now. 

I KNOW it will pass, but it will take a long time before it passes. This death has killed my faith once and for all in tv and movies. Everywhere I look, I see cishet white men threatening women, fridging women, objectifying women in pop culture and real life. And Greg Berlanti? Apparently representation only matters to him if the person is gay. He had to know how significant Sara was, but he still let her die. This is a Ryan Murphy level betrayal (another guy dude who only cares about gay dudes). What does that say about his sexism? So much. 

I've always been an idealist despite my depression but this may have killed that. I know I'm not alone but I feel alone. And that's the worst feeling. Even if she's only fictional, I wish I could grieve her, in person, with others. Somebody who would understand. Greg Berlanti had NO right to take away my hope and he did. I resent that. I will never forgive that.

[thistimeitsforgood]

So basically I've just been wandering around my house groaning and yelling whhhhyyyyy. That arrow premiere punched me right in the feels.

[wildroses-peonies]

Arrow and The Flash officially got added to tumblr savior blacklist. I'll keep up via previouslytv with show content, but I have no desire right now to see gifsets or news from either of those two shows.

I can only hope when DC does its next reboot (which we all know is coming eventually), they add Sara to the actual comics. Also reminding myself of all the women characters who got fridged in comics, but are now back and more powerful than ever.

but seriously!?! My Marvel fave was always Jean Grey. I could deal w/ her death cuz it happened before my time, it was comicbook mythology. Plus, she's been brought back. But Jean was like me: a mind heroine, not so much as kick-your-ass heroine. Brainy heroines always get sucky things happening at them in comics. I figured Sara was safe or that she would die later (and an actual heroic death) cuz her heroics more about brawn than mind. (Loathe though I am to use 'brains vs brains,' cuz it's over-simplifying for both Jean and Sara, it's the only way I can express what I'm getting it.)

[wildroses-peonies]

Well, I tried falling to sleep, but all I did was toss and turn.

I'm done. Sara is the 5th woman killed. Meanwhile, Malcolm was brought back? No. (Yes, I know Tommy, Ivo, and Blood got killed, but only 2 those of those men are outright villains. More innocent than evil women have died on this show.)

I might revisit the show years from now when all is said and done, but only because I'll know how many women got killed, how many other lives were deemed useless. 

I haven't felt this way since Gossip Girl 5.22. But this is far worse. It's also hurt me in a way that felt more personal. 

I'm glad for my Arrowverse friends, but I am not thankful for this show. Where women and POC lives matter so little. 

Whatever in my queue will be reblogged out. Consider that the last you'll see of Arrow for awhile. 

[wildroses-peonies]

The worst part is as much as I hurt, I can't bring myself to drop the show. Cuz even though I no longer have Sara, I still have Felicity and Laurel. I've always related to Felicity, but have come to understand a part of relates to Laurel too. I still need them somehow. 

Also, I love GA comics. Even though I've only just begun reading them, it's so awesome that Oliver is unapologetically liberal, unapologetically fights for social justice. I love that! 

but it's a bitter pill to swallow. I'm not going to forgive or forget Sara's nonsensical death. And it will probably be awhile before I'm able to be excited about the show again. I'm not feeling excitement tonight. I'm reblogging gifsets now cuz I know if I don't, I'll be kicking myself later. I don't actually care about them though. 

It's a sad thing that Arrowverse is not a safe place for women though. 

[wildroses-peonies]

oh gods. there's a post in my queue where I wrote 'i wish fandom would stop policing sara's choices' which i added there earlier today cuz I assumed we'd still be DEBATING her. Not this. 

I need that last bit of denial. I'm not editing that post. It wil pop up in a few days, but I'm not getting rid of those words. Or anything else in my queue that is Sara related where I let my opinions fly. The ghost of my happier self will live in the queue cuz I'm not happy now. I'll laugh bitterly when I see that post where I wrote those words too. 

But I'm just letting everybody know.

[wildroses-peonies]

I'm still not over what happened to Talia on Babylon 5. Difference was I was spoiled for that, and that series is eons old. It was painful, but I thought: I've got Sara.

Also, I thought when I watched her death: look how far we've come. Susan and Talia couldn't even kiss, and now we've got Nyssa and Sara kissing. Susan had to 'come out" via a side-story while Sara's was open and accepted.

I had prepared myself for Sara dying in 2.23. I was MENTALLY PREPARED!

I don't even LIKE all that much about B5 (it's very hard to accept a show where the premise glosses over genocidal killers) but Talia's death hurt. I love Arrow, despite its multiple flaws.

I am thankful Arrow got me into DCU (well, I've always like the movies/tv shows from DC over the years but Arrow provided avenue to read the comics from various eras, past and present) but I'm bitter. I got bitter at Marvel too, but for different reasons. This feels much more personal than anything Marvel has ever done.   

[wildroses-peonies]

I'm reblogging gifsets from the tags, but I DON'T EVEN CARE. I'm so mad about Sara's death. I'm just reblogging as a way to process. Not even that. I just... 

I'm bitter. 

She was more than just a character to me. I came out as bi last summer, and while I've read GBLTAQ+ literature before, have seen mogai films, she was the FIRST person who inspired me to be comfortable with who I was. Smoaking Canary gifsets and "no woman deserves to suffer" filled my dash and I finally checked out the show.

Imagine my joy when they made her bisexual. That was everything. 

I never needed Sara to be a ~hero.~ I loved her for being a moody, shady grey. I loved that she did things on her own terms and she was basically:  fuck Oliver, LOA, or whoever got in her way. I love that she cared so intensely for her family. I don't have a relationship with my sister (emotional abuse after I came out), but seeing Laurel and Sara work through their differences inspired and comforted me.

And now? That's gone. 

I'm grateful to her. I'm grateful for everything she taught me. That you don't have to know where your journey is going, that darkness is not something to be afraid of, that you can be empowering no matter how you choose to label yourself or not, that you can make mistakes and people will forgive you. That you can do whatever best empowers you. 

I'm crying now writing this. I never thought this was something I would be writing. She meant that much to me. I'll be okay. I know I'll be okay but it still hurts.