#rip patton he was probably trying to show he’s not judgemental but the dark sides form a feedback loop of chaos

[myapathyhaspeaked]

remus: i’m going to bash in your skulls and drink battery acid from your empty domes

virgil: i’m hiding spider egg sacs in your rooms so you’ll never know what will release a bomb of tiny critters

janus: i’ll put you both down like the rabid dogs you are

patton, having his ability to be accepting stretched very far: i think it’s time to turn mario kart off

[theimprobabledreamersworld]

Ooooh boy! Welcome to a new side to writing from me! 

This little one shot is probably the most angst ridden one I’ve ever written. It’s okay though, promise! This is also the first time I’ve ever written about the characters as Sides instead of a Human AU... Plus the main premise of this was based off a scene in Thor 2, a film I absolutely adore! 

I hope you enjoy reading it. I loved writing it! <3

General writing taglist:  @psychedelicships @jwillowwolf @red-imeanblue @lost-in-thought-20 @writerwithtoomanyships

Read on Ao3!

No More Illusions.

Platonic/Romantic Logicality.

Word count: 1,623

Warnings: Crying, hurt, anger mentions, angry actions.

Logan rubbed his neck, it was still sore from where Janus yanked him away during the video. That wasn’t the only thing that was sore, his heart felt bruised too. He was ignored, skipped and still seen as an inconvenience. Hell, he turned himself into a textbox so he was out of the way. Was that not enough?

Despite the rage and the heartbreak he felt surging through him. He couldn’t help but feel a need to check on Patton. Even though he was angry when he appeared back one final time, he noticed that Patton wasn’t… himself. The way he desperately tried to beg Logan to stay, the pleading in his eyes… something must have happened when he was taken away. He needed to find out what.

He walked through the Mind Palace cautiously, he could still feel the anger swelling in his chest and he didn’t want to take it out on anyone unnecessarily. He couldn’t do that to the others. Their intentions were in the right place, but all of them got clouded by their own judgements… by their own emotions, including him. He chuckled bitterly, Janus was right in the courtroom all along.

‘I don’t feel anything.’

‘Oh, of course you don’t.’

Right now, it was impossible to deny that Janus has been right all along. He was feeling more than it was possible to express. Including a sense of relief when he walked down the corridor and noticed that all of the room doors were shut tight. Everyone must be wallowing in their own problems, so he wouldn’t need to speak to anyone apart from the one person he was genuinely concerned about. He reached Patton’s door and knocked softly three times, one long, two short. He heard a sigh from the other side of the door and he wasn’t expecting what he saw when the door swung open.

“Logan!” Patton shouted in an overly positive voice. His smile was plastered onto his face, as if he was wearing a mask. There was a soft, yellow glow around him and the room had the same glow. Almost as if it was covered in gold.

“I didn’t think I would see you today! We… didn’t exactly treat you very well earlier. I wouldn’t blame you for being angry with all of us for a while.” Logan stared at Patton, the smile didn’t falter… didn’t change at all. He knew that none of this was real. The mask was slipping, the voice didn’t match the ‘happy-pappy-Patton’ he knew. That’s when he realised, he needed to try and help.

“Is… there something you needed?” Patton laughed gently, but the gold outline around him was begin to crackle and his eyes were shifting back and forth, almost willing Logan to leave… practically begging him to leave. To let him fight this battle alone. Logan wasn’t going to let that happen. He took one step forward, gave Patton a soft smile and called out into the room.

“Patton, enough. Please. No more illusions.” His voice projected a sadness he didn’t even know he could feel. The fact that Patton needed to hide how he was feeling to such an extent, even from him, showed that the events that happened after he was removed must have been catastrophic.

Patton sighed once more, he bowed his head and the façade cracked, shattered and melted away. The gold outline started to fall from the ceiling. Patton began to disappear, leaving a gold shimmer in his place. The room fell into disrepair causing Logan to gasp. He knew that Patton kept a lot of different things in his room; photos, old books… pretty much any and all memories pertaining to Thomas. So to see such anger in a generally positive space, it was quite hard to look at. The books that were usually so delicately kept on bookshelves were tossed onto the floor, the dents in the wall showed the sheer force that some of them had been thrown across the room. Photos that were kept in piles based on the year they were taken were scattered carelessly around the entire wall. Frames with Thomas’ accomplishments were shattered, the things that Patton was proudest of, reduced to target practice. Logan claimed to not feel anything. The state of the room was a shock to be sure, but when he looked over at the bed, his heart broke right there on the spot.

He heard a small laugh, something that made him shudder as he saw Patton sit up on the bed. The sheets torn up, and the pillows ripped in half. His eyes were red raw from crying, his voice came out as a hoarse whisper. The cardigan normally lovingly wrapped around his shoulders was tossed into the bin, along with his polo shirt with his logo on it. A large hoodie covered him instead, he looked up at Logan, waiting for him to make some kind of comment.

“Now you see me, Logan.” He laughed in a monotonous way. Logan slowly took steps closer to the bed. He took his steps cautiously and Patton noticed the hesitation.

“I’ve hurt everyone… I- I couldn’t control myself. Janus was asking so many questions as you. I- I didn’t know the answers. I turned into Lilypadton. I hurt Thomas, something I swore I would never do. I’m supposed to be… good. I’m supposed to help protect him. I- I- I hurt you! I skipped things you were saying, I didn’t realise you were replaced. I didn’t mean to hurt everyone. I- I don’t know what to do… I’m a monster, Logan.” Patton’s body wracked with sobs, this uncontrollable pain radiated from him. As he started to glow a dark blue, Logan raced over and wrapped his arms around Patton as tight as he could.

Patton was rigid for a little while, but eventually he caved in and buried his head into Logan’s chest. He rubbed his back and told him repeatedly that everything was going to be okay. This was new for Logan, it’s been a long time since he felt this… helpless? He didn’t know if that was the right word, but he definitely felt unsure what to do. All he knew is that Patton needed him.

“Hey, listen to me. You must have been so overwhelmed and confused. Morality isn’t a cut and dry concept, you’re doing everything you can to help Thomas. Getting overwhelmed sometimes is nothing to be ashamed about. It’s part of nature. You can’t know everything the whole time. Thomas will end up in scenarios that will cause all of us to stumble and be uncertain.” He pushed Patton back so he could look him in the eyes and reassure him that things will be okay. He brushed his hair out of his face so he could look Patton right in the eyes. He couldn’t help but smile as Patton reluctantly looked up at him.

“You are not a monster. You can never think that, Patton. We’ve all made mistakes… but we grow as we go… we grow and learn with Thomas. No one thinks you’re a monster, least of all me. Okay?” Logan held Patton by the shoulders, and he seemed to relax more with every word. The tears were slowly stopping, but he could tell that Patton was trying to figure out how to say something. So he waited until he was ready.

“B- but, I hurt people. I hurt the people I care about most.” It was almost as if he was looking for any reason to keep beating himself up, to keep feeling miserable. Logan wasn’t having it.

“Patton, we’ve all been there. We’ve all hurt people, and we’ve been hurt in return. That’s just how things go. You are good, Patton. You apologised to Thomas, you worked out things out. You made some very clever observations about morality with Thomas. ‘A more mature person comes with more mature, moral questions…?’ Being able to admit that you don’t always know the answer, but you’ll still keep fighting anyway. Now that’s brave.” Patton smiled, it was a relief to see he smile and genuinely mean it this time. Logan wrapped his arms around Patton once again and he immediately hugged him back.

He had to admit, this was nice.

“I’m going to use yours and Thomas’ words against you. So bear with me… Look, Patton. You’re not perfect, just like the rest of us… but those imperfections, don’t make you any less worthy of love. I want you to remember that.” He could feel the happiness radiate off of Patton, there was a light blue glow surrounding him, and he pulled away from Logan.

“Thank you, Logan. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Logan smiled, it was nice to feel appreciated again. Despite everything, he felt infinitely better now.

“You’re most welcome, Patton. Would you like me to go now?” He secretly hoped the answer would be no. They needed each other, even if it was just for a night.

“Actually… Could you read to me? Can we carry on with Lord of the Rings?” Logan felt relieved and immediately grabbed his book off Patton’s bookshelf. He climbed onto the bed and waited for Patton to get comfortable next to him. He turned to the page they left off on while Patton eventually rested his head on Logan’s shoulder.

After a while, Patton fell asleep so Logan put the bookmark on the page and gently placed it on the table next to the bed. He carefully removed Patton’s glasses and took his off as well. As he drifted off to sleep as well, one last thought entered his mind.

Patton had his moments, but all in all, he was Logan’s hero too.