#right now he's a teen with self estime issues

[princeescaluswords]

THE PATH NOT TAKEN

Marcel figuring it out.

Teen Wolf has always been far more than simple horror and shirtless boys. It had things to say, but it was never going to be an 'Issues Show', as Jeff Davis once said he wanted to avoid. When it explored themes about life and growing up, it made full use of many literary techniques, especially foils. This is when a character is used to highlight the developmental arc of another character. Sometimes it was obvious, such as how Derek was Scott's foil or how Meredith was Lydia's foil, but sometimes I feel it could be subtle.

Stiles Stilinski, for example, has it rough in Season 5 on several different fronts. He is confronted with the possibility of losing relationships he cherishes: with Scott, with Malia, with his father, and with Lydia. Throughout the series one of his defining characteristics has been an intense devotion to the people he loves that often crosses the line into possessive behavior. This has caused trouble in the past, such as his desire in the early seasons to get on Lydia's "radar," to protect her and his father from the supernatural, and to protect Malia from her biological father's malign influence. I feel we are meant to have no doubt that Stiles will go to any length, even to deception, criminality, violence, and self-destruction (Motel California and Weaponized) to preserve these relationships.

I believe that the show proposes that Stiles's lack of boundaries when it comes to his loved ones is not necessarily a good thing. If taken too far, it could lead Stiles to a dark place, and he has to learn how to accept limitations on his own behavior. The writers provide a very effective foil to demonstrate this: Marcel, the Surgeon.

Let's start in the first episode of Season 5, Creatures of the Night:

Stiles: Yeah. And so I'm thinking, what if… What if Scott's my best friend now you know, but he's not my best friend for life?

Malia: Well, doesn't that just happen sometimes?

Stiles: Yeah, but only because we let it happen. You know, that's what I'm saying. How come when we graduate we're just expected to go our separate ways? If I've already found the best people in my life, why aren't I not trying to stay with them, you know?

Early on in Season 1, Stiles develops a strategy for the intrusion of the supernatural into his cherished relationships and the threat it represents. He investigates, he researches, he learns, and then he uses that information to help protect his loved ones, from figuring out who sent the fake text to Allison in Night School (1x07) to trying to track down the Darach in Season 3A. However, he's not always right and he's not always successful, which, in his estimation leads to his family and friends being harmed in Season 3B. It's not his fault, but he certainly comes to act as if he believes that it is. We can see this in Season 4, especially during Perishable (4x9):

Sheriff: I keep things from you because you don't need to know everything. Stiles: Yes, I do. I have to know everything. How the hell else am I supposed to take care of you?

We see it even more at the beginning of Season 5A, when he is 'pulling on the strings' of the Desert Wolf's story and when he spirals into violence, paranoia and self-harm when he perceives a threat (Theo) but can't discover the truth behind him. The desire to know and the willingness to break boundaries while doing so is a trait he shares with the Doctors, as Valack describes them in A Novel Approach (5x05). They found their answers at the extreme edges of science and the supernatural. Yet, it's not the only trait.

Lydia: What do they want?

Valack: Good question, Lydia. Everybody wants something, don't they?

Stiles doesn't pursue knowledge across boundaries only for his own pleasure; he primarily does it to protect his cherished relationships. While we meet The Surgeon in the first episode, we (and the characters) are led to believe they are doing terrible inhuman experimentation for the shadowy goal of creating (or recreating) the perfect killer, but it is not until the last episode, Apotheosis (5x20), where we find the true motivation for Marcel's actions.

Sebastian: Marcel… If this is what immortality looks like, I think you might have been misled.

Marcel: For you… All for you…

What do we know of Marcel? In The Maid of Gevaduan (5x18) we learn that he is Sebastian Valet's friend, so close that they went to war together. In a dangerous forest at night, Marcel's best friend got turned into something monstrous, and immediately Marcel began to do all he could to help protect Sebastian, no matter what. He had no limits, even using his own property to store The Beast's victims. He realizes that he has gone too far when he talks to Marie-Jean, asking her to shoot him and set him free. But she doesn't, and Marcel is unable to stop himself to the point where he exists for centuries through twisted para-science. When it comes to preserving this relationship, he has no boundaries. He'll do anything for his best friend, who is a paragon among his kind.

Marcel is what Stiles could have become if he had continued to do anything to protect his cherished relationships. But he doesn't. From a certain point of view, the consequences in Season 5 of his actions diminish the strength of his relationships, but they are still there. His father lives. Scott and Stiles may not be as close as they once were, but they're still friends. Malia and him may no longer be dating, but she cares about him and he cares about her. He almost loses Lydia, but he doesn't, and their relationship begins to change. Stiles and Marcel may have possessed a similar tendency to do anything for those they love, but Stiles learns in Season 5 that there are extents to which he should not go, something which Marcel never learns.

Stiles: When we started this school year, I was so stressed about everyone ending up in the same place after we graduate. But I don't think it matters. We always seem to find each other anyway.

And thus concludes the character arc in which Marcel was Stiles's foil.

Written @teenwolf-meta Meta May Monday!

[self-loving-vampire]

I don't know if there's really a specific and identifiable point where it started but it was a combination of factors.

TLDR: In my case it was probably a specific mix of praise in one sphere and abuse in another, leading to instabilities in self-esteem and various other problems.

1- Being genuinely kind of impressive at school, which kind of caused a spiraling effect on people's expectations. Being "intelligent" in both an academic sense and a practical sense, for example, made people imagine even greater abilities than I actually had. I had a sort of impressive aura like that.

I was so far above many of the people there that they kind of lost their sense of perspective and ability to estimate what level I was actually at and thought I'd end up working for NASA or curing cancer or something. While capable, I am no John von Neumann.

Still, this sense of expectation got internalized to such a degree that later on I started feeling bad about things like not effortlessly getting perfect scores in college exams (while still being at the top of my class there and performing at a level no one sane would complain about).

2- While I was overrated at school (but hated being there for various reasons), the situation at home was pretty bad in comparison.

My father was an extremely violent person, as in he has shot and killed people before and also made threats on my life, and neither of my parents had the kinds of values that would have allowed me to be myself. They were both extreme conservatives and authoritarians, and I could tell even early on that they would never accept my true self.

The one time I tried to come out to my mother (who I assumed would be at least open to discussion since I used to protect her from my father) she became violent and also warned me that my father would kill us both if he knew, so I had to lie to her to persuade her I was not serious about it.

I became very good at lying and manipulation for the sake of escaping my parents (which I successfully did eventually). This by itself involved a few factors that could contribute to disordered thinking. For example, I internalized the thought that people generally did not care about me beyond what I could provide for them, because thinking like that is beneficial to manipulation.

While I used to be blunt and outspoken due to autism (a condition that my father also once tried to shame me about by comparing me to a school shooter with autism) I learned to master my emotions and demeanor as part of my struggle against my family and learned to speak against my true feelings.

So yeah, none of that is really healthy for your sense of self and I can see several of these things contributing to a disorder characterized by dysregulated self-esteem and constructing a new, "better" self to interact with the world.

And that's still leaving some other things out, such as some earlier abuse that is a bit less relevant but likely not totally irrelevant either.

From what I have seen, NPD (and personality disorders in general really) has a lot in common with C-PTSD and could really be considered different manifestations of it. There are times where it's not really clear if a particular behavior is coming from one or the other.

I think I was already very visibly narcissistic in my teens. Probably since before then but it's hard to tell because of memory loss.

On to question 2:

I do sincerely love myself and think I'm pretty great, at least now that I have recovered. A past version of me had issues with scrupulosity and perfectionism that often turned into self-loathing and even self-harm, all based on both NPD and trauma as far as I can tell.

But I also feel like I am only really capable of liking myself like this because my partners think so highly of me. I don't feel as if I can really "live for myself". I need to be useful to them, my husband in particular. I think without him I would lose much of what fills me right now and I'd go back to being an apathetic corpse with no interest in living.

So my self-love is real, but dependent on specific people whose opinions I value and that I have dedicated my life and identity to pleasing. People who are hostile to the condition would call this "narcissistic supply" but that's kind of a dehumanizing way to refer to what is ultimately a pretty normal need to be valued for who you are following traumatic experiences.

Hey there! I have a question for people with NPD...

How did it start? How'd you get it?

Do you really have an elevated sense of self-worth, or is it a false sense of grandiosity?

You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable, but I'd like to better understand NPD and people who have it.

[grimwomyn]

Feminist History

It serves her right Vice foe’s reaction after N.Y.’s ‘Wickedest Woman’ killed self

By Mara Bovsun new york daily news

On April Fools’ Day, 1878, 66-year-old Madame Restell was found in her bathtub, naked with her throat slashed. She had killed herself. “A bloody ending to a bloody life,” was the reaction of Anthony Comstock, an anti-vice activist, upon hearing the news.

Comstock, the city’s postal inspector, was behind the passage of a set of laws that made Restell a criminal. He was also responsible for the arrest that sent her into suicidal despair.

Over nearly 40 years, she had accumulated spectacular wealth by using newspaper ads to offer potions and surgeries to prevent and end pregnancies. She had a lively trade among the city’s elites, as well as its many sex workers and poor women who could not afford another baby.

Her first ads appeared in the patent medicine sections of New York newspapers in 1839, about five years before her nemesis was born. Under the heading of “Female Monthly Pills,” Madame Restell declared that her preparations had “no rivals” in curing and preventing “female obstructions,” among other health problems.

Her work may have provoked horror, but at the time she opened shop on Greenwich St., it was not against the law. Abortions were legal up to the point of quickening, which is when the baby’s movements can first be felt by the mother. Before then, the baby was not considered to be alive. At that stage, an unwanted pregnancy could sometimes be terminated by such natural substances as pennyroyal, cotton root and rue.

Abortion postquickening was ruled second-degree manslaughter, punishable by a $100 fine and a year in jail. Madame Restell called herself a physician but had no medical degree or proof of any kind of training. What she had a genius for entrepreneurship.

She was born Ann Trow in 1812, the daughter of a farm laborer in Painswick, England. In her teens, she married the village tailor, Henry Summers, who brought her to the U.S. in 1831. Summers died of typhoid two years later, leaving his widow on her own with a young child.

By 1836, she had a new husband and a profession— “celebrated Female physician,” as newspapers called her. She took a French name and called her products “infallible French female pills.” Her office was open 13 hours a day and was always busy.

For about a decade, she encountered little interference. Local newspapers and the authorities left her alone, although anti-abortion sentiments were growing, especially among doctors. Medical journals published articles calling her a monster.

The National Police Gazette, founded in 1845, added fuel to the movement with editorials condemning abortion and its providers. The cover of one 1847 issue has an illustration of “The Female Abortionist”—Madame Restell with a bat-winged demon devouring a baby.

She had several brushes with the law but continued to prosper. In 1847, Restell was arrested for performing a postquickening abortion without anesthesia and was charged with manslaughter of the baby. Her patient, Maria Bodine, was a young housekeeper from upstate whose boss had put her in a delicate condition.

During the 18-day trial, Bodine was portrayed by the prosecution as an innocent led astray. Defense attorneys painted her as a sex-crazed prostitute. The jury found Restell guilty on a lesser charge, which meant a year in prison on Blackwell’s Island (now Roosevelt Island). She served her time in relative comfort, thanks to gifts from upper-crust friends who had used her services.

After her release, she said she was giving up her prosperous profession, but it was soon back to business as usual. By the early 1870s, she had accumulated vast wealth, estimated at around $500,000 (more than $11 million today) and moved uptown to a four-story luxury brownstone at Fifth Ave. and 52nd St. She traveled in a carriage, dressed in the finest clothes, and wore glittering diamonds.

The National Police Gazette noted that street urchins would yell at her as she passed by in her carriage: “Your house is built on baby’s skulls.”

In the same decade, a series of federal and state laws were passed to combat the kind of vice and immorality found in New York City’s cesspools like the Five Points.

The “Comstock Laws,” named after their chief proponent, banned sales of “obscene, lewd or lascivious” works of art and “filthy” books. It also explicitly banned contraceptives and products to induce abortion.

In February 1878, Comstock set a simple trap. He visited Restell’s mansion, pretending to be a man desperate to prevent his pregnant wife from giving birth to another baby that he could not support. Restell sold him some powders and a device that she promised would end his problems.

“Arrest of a She Devil” was how one headline described what happened next.

The case against her was strong, and conviction would mean five years, a sentence the elderly woman would be unlikely to survive. Out on bail, Restell became increasingly anxious, wandering around the rooms in her mansion, wringing her hands and crying, “Why do they persecute me so? I have done nothing to harm anyone.” Sometime before dawn on the day of the trial, she sat down in a bathtub full of water and slit her throat with a carving knife. Rumors swirled that she had faked the suicide by murdering a look-alike and fled. But the coroner brought in several people to identify the body until there was no doubt in his mind that the “Wickedest Woman In New York,” as she was widely known, was gone for good. JUSTICE STORY has been the Daily News’ exclusive take on true crime tales of murder, mystery and mayhem for more than 100 years.

[glitterytidalwavedragon]

Expanding into my other Fandoms (I’m gonna have to take a stance) Read the whole thing please.

One of my oldest and most beloved anime is Inuyasha. As of late I have been binged watching the hell out of it as I am getting my BFF into different anime shows. We are really close to entering the Yashahime part of the series, and she asked if I planned to write fanfiction involving the one character which made me even watch the show as a 10-year-old.

Sesshomaru

The first episode I ever watched involved this aloof, entitled dog fighting his brother over the sword in their father’s grave. Specifically, it was part 3 of that whole episode series were Kagome pulled out the sword. I at the time had 3 dogs of German Sheppard/wolf hybrid, they were MASSIVE dogs, fell in love with the big white fluff that was Sesshomaru’s demon form. I use to sneak staying up and watch the show faithfully to see the goodest boy as it was only on at 11pm EST on adult swim. Which meant it was bad and I was breaking the rules, I felt like a rebel.

Now I hesitated answering that question. She has no idea of what is in Yashahime, she is being careful not to spoil it so I told her I didn’t know. Recently, to find out what the feel is for Sesshomaru content, I looked into the tag on tumblr…

OH MY GOD.

Sesshomaru’s tag is FLOODED with hate. Like every four post, there is hate, distain, and attacking happening. As someone who watches Yashahime, I quickly knew why.

Sessrin.

Even now I sigh. And I sigh HARD. I am not for, nor am I against the Sessrin train. Same for the Sesskagu train. I think both sides need to look at things on a logical prospective. I plan to do just that. I know I will get hate from the either side and maybe some support as well. But if I am going to do anything in this fandom (as I like doing ships and reader inserts) it will come up.

So, like my Kaiba post, and my Sebastian Heel post, I will use my research skills as well as my COLLEGE DEGREE WHICH HAS BOTH ART AND MEDIEVAL HISTORY labelled on it to explain why this progression in the story is normal to anti-Sessrin fans and why this isn’t a crime by story standards nor should we look at it as a crime.

AS WELL

Explain to Sessrin fans why it is so weird for non-shippers to see it play out and why so much hate formed.

As I let out another sigh, we shall begin. Let’s start at an historical prospective. (Links at the bottom).

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING! I’LL BE ABLE TO TELL!

~~

I will start with the information I can access right away.

While finding charts on the life-span of common folk in 1590’s Feudal Japan is rather difficult, Ancient.edu states that the average lifespan was about 50. To put this in perspective, the average lifespan of Europeans at the time was somewhere between 40-45 with the latter being rare. Since most of us reading are not from Japanese descent, I will through Europe in this first.

If we look at the same time frame of 1590, we are looking at most of Western Europe had now entered the age of Renaissance. According to sources from Learning Resources in association with the National Gallery of Art, marriage was not what TV drama’s from HBO or Hulu depicted. By today standards they would be a crime, as the average age for marriage of an adult female was age 14…

The reasoning behind the young marriage age had multiple factors. First being, females were considered an adult once they were menstruating. Birthing also proved to be fatal, and since the lifespan was at best 40 and 45 if they were lucky, there was really no room to wait. Also Europe at the time had became hugely focused on making sure blood lines were legitimate, meaning to ensure the girl was a virgin, the moment she was able to reproduced she was married off. Those they married were not young teenagers either. Most marriages, a man would be in their thirties, and had probably multiple wives as women died more than men when not counting the battle field.

To make matters worse for the Renaissance Lady, these marriages would leave many young males unable to marry and if their husband died in battle, well, unfortunately they were not seen as desirable. This was due to the idea of a ‘free woman’. Should the girl not have a father, brother or uncle to return to as they too died, a widow had her freedom. But that freedom came at a cost. She would be assumed to have slept around, and in many writings, such as the Canterbury Tales, where Geoffrey Chaucer writes about a Window on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land survived her five husbands and the men in her family. In short, she was made to be a slut and to be looked down upon as no man controlled her.

The point of talking about Europe is because that is something most of us Non-Asian or Japanese people consume and like to paint in large romantic brush strokes of knights and magic. Honestly, reading G.R.R.Martin Song of Ice and Fire, he uses this model as we see the Queen of Dragons, Danny start off at age thirteen shortly after she had her first menstruation.  

Now let’s look at Feudal Japan.

As stated before, the lifespan was around 50 years. In some populations, this was even shorter. Nagaoka, Hirata, Yokota and Matsu’ura’s on demographic data at the Yuigahama-minami area in Kamakura, Japan and found both male and female remains that suggested life expectancy to have ended around age 24-25. This was largely due to living conditions and public health. In areas like these, it would make the most sense to marry and repopulate quickly as the expectancy of life was half the national average at the time.

To my frustration, I could not find a clear marriage age for Japanese women at the time of the edo period. HOWEVER, where there is a will there is a way. I took a look at famous Lords or Daimyo’s of the time. The average age of marriage of their wives was between 12-14. Much younger than I expected, but it made sense considering this is a time where war ran the show and marriage was strictly about political gain. One of these Daimyo’s was Masamune Date, who was also 13, but then as he got older took concubines who became considerably younger than him as he became older. The goal was to have as many children as possible for hires and for political marriages to gain power.

Now lets look at Inuyasha the MANGA

Lets get the manga timeline proper here. The whole adventure took place in 11 months, a month shy of Kagome’s 16th birthday. Doing a few estimations, Rin would have travelled with Sesshomaru about 8-9 of those months. But before we get into the relationship, lets look at something the ANIME made a huge mistake with in the beginning and tried to fix as the story went on.

For some reason I could only fine gifs for the Early appearances of Sesshomaru so bear with me.

Early appearances in the manga

 ^ He was so fickle and a trickster then...

Now early apperances in the anime.

Later appearance in the manga

Laster appearance in the anime

Notice the issue here? 

Sesshomaru was CONSIDERABLY younger looking in the start of the manga. In the anime, he started off looking like an fully adult male. But as the anime went on, they tried to make Sesshomaru look younger with subtle changes to his jaw line, eye size, and his height. Yeah, his height had changed. They made him shorter.

While in the manga, we see this young-teen looking demon, slowly mature over 11 months to look like he is in his later teens and by series end, closer to being in his late teens or twenty. Yes, art changes over time, but the anime went a reverse route. I can only guess they spoke to the author of Inuyasha about her ships, as they did Drama CDs, and realized the mistake that was made in making him more mature than he was.

You can’t tell me he doesn’t look closer to his manga self in the final act, because he does.

Since we are on the topic of the anime, lets be clear. The anime timeline and manga timeline are very different. The story in the anime (in the English) suggests that OVER a year has past since Kagome started her journey. They try to fix this in the final act, but it was still so muddled as previous seasons are to be taken as cannon. This could have been due to an translation error in the early production when the anime no longer had anymore manga material to reference. But whatever the case, for English viewers the time the group spent together felt much longer.

So now we come to the heart of the issue.

Because of the mistakes of the anime, a lot of anti-sessrin see the relationship as father daughter. I’ll be honest, watching the anime and solely the anime as a teenager and as an adult (as the manga was on hold for a very long time due to author’s health. I was in college when it finished.), I too thought it was just a father-daughter relationship and Jaken the nanny who got punched all the time. In fact, the English took hard liberties with Kagura, as the English dubs often do with characters, and made it very clear her feelings for the demon lord and Sesshomaru very much recognized them (though he never responded). Even in her death scene, it felt as if he was saying good bye to a friend more than love interest. But who really knows, as there are things that point otherwise.  When another demon mock’s Kagura’s death, Sesshomaru gets super pissy.

The manga did also play with this fact when it came out in English, idk if the wording or message is different in the Japanese. Translation errors happen a lot even in todays releases, look at Kuroshitsuji.  So of course most anti-sessrin’s did not see this coming in Yashahime when Rin was named mother. In fact it felt like a betrayal as we were sure Sesshomaru had no romantic feelings.

Then there was the Kohaku/Rin mashup that was hinted left and right. The English anime, with its overly dramatic and blunt emotions made it appear one way. That in the end the two kids would probably be married. Then the anime as a whole made Sesshomaru older than intended. I can see why and understand how this became a problem.

On the other side of that coin.

If you followed the dub, seen ‘Swords of an Honorable Ruler’ and read the manga… Sesshomaru was not fatherly to Rin at all. In fact, Jaken picked up all of that leg work. Rin worried for Kohaku, but clearly loved Lord Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru cared about Kagura but he almost CRIED when he lost Rin.

We have to remember that Sesshomaru and Rin’s relationship must have been very hard for the demon. While we never see his mental process expect for a few rare times, we have to remember he hated humans. In the movie, he blamed a human for the early death of his father, Sesshomaru killed without mercy. It made sense that he wouldn’t be fatherly to Rin as her just being there should have caused countless inner conflicts. Hell, he even says his father’s weakness was humans, and look who picked up that trait.

Sesshomaru was designed to, someday, walk in his father’s footsteps. So sess/rin, not a surprise. Also when you see it in a historical perspective, Rin having kids around age 15-16, makes sense. In fact you could argue he waited too long for the time period.

We also need to look more at the manga when concerned with Yashahime. 8-9 months is all Rin travelled with him and he was like hold up, and left her at the village because he KNEW she needed to come to her own conclusion. That no matter what she picked he would live with and protect her. Unconditional love on his end. She cannon wise spent YEARS living with humans and MONTHS with Sesshomaru. Again, by manga standards of cannon.

Now I can already hear the screaming about age and what not. Some sources say Sesshomaru is over 900, by the rule of thumb, if we look at anime and movie releases, we have Sesshomaru being over 500 with no define age and Inuyasha around 270 years old being more pinpointed due to the movie. Just by going by ANIME CANNON. Kagome and Inuyasha, you have a 15 year old with a 270 year old man. If you say being pinned to the tree doesn’t count, then you have 220.

Also, here is something very interesting. In the episode where Inuyasha meets the unmother, he tells her, thinking it was his mom, she died when he was very small and we have flash backs later in the series of him being small running from demons. Demons clearly age much slower than humans, even half-demons. Inuyasha can be 270 but mentally and physically be 15, the same logic works for Sesshomaru, who in the manga is not much older than Inuyasha.

In the manga, there wasn’t any grooming, in the anime, there was a ton of mess-ups but no grooming.

Would this fly in todays world? HELL NO! NO, its gross, she’s a kid. Stop.

I know any fanfic I write will lean heavily on the side of father/daughter because that is what I grew up seeing on the screen. I can’t think of Rin as an adult because years of seeing her as a cheerful little girl. It’s like seeing G.O.T Arya about to have sex for the first time in season 8… I remember when she was a kid on the show. It was way to weird and I had to look away until it ended. But that’s my 2021 mentality.

But Inuyasha is not taking place in 2021. Feudal Japan is a whole other era with its own beliefs, morals and way of life. Those who understand this have nothing wrong with them. They just understand history.

Also, just to bang some nails in…

Anyone remember Bleach? Remember the MOST accepted couple was Ichigo and Rukia…. Rukia who was hundreds of years old and Ichigo who was 15… or Ichigo’s mom who was a teenager and his dad also hundreds of years old.

Most of this also boils down to Sesshomaru being a dude. As in reverse roles in animes its accepted and they don’t have the same historical context. Inuyasha is based off of historical context of Feudal Japan.

We need to stop spreading hate. We can’t accept some forms of literature because its European fantasy but bash other fantasy based literature for doing the same thing.

Sure, its weird for those who were use to seeing the father/daughter dynamic. Yes, there are extreme sessrin fans who post really questionable illegal content when they decide to leave Rin as an 8-year-old…

But this wasn’t ever meant to be perverted. The story was meant to make sense on a logical and historical base.

I hope everyone takes the time to read this. I love Inuyasha, I love Sesshomaru. I am just sick of seeing so many people fighting over what should be the revival of a beloved series. While yes, there is still room for sess/rin not being a thing, until it is stated otherwise, why hate each other? This fandom will only lose people by doing this. Calling people names or accusing them of illegal endorsement can hurt someone these days over social media.

Tumblr allows you to block tags. You don’t have to read anything or watch anything you don’t like. We gain nothing from attacking each other but can lose so much by doing so. Fanart, really good fan fiction, friends, ideas, sharing fond memories. Both sides have the right to feel as they feel, but no right in hurting each other.

A fandom is meant to bring people together. Not start a war…

Thank you.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ajpa.20402

http://www.italianrenaissanceresources.com/units/unit-2/essays/husbands-and-wives/#:~:text=Marriage%20not%20only%20reflected%20order,to%20ensure%20the%20bride's%20virginity.

https://www.ancient.eu/Canterbury_Tales/

https://www.ancient.eu/article/1424/daily-life-in-medieval-japan/#:~:text=Just%20as%20Japanese%20people%20today,in%20Western%20Europe%2C%20for%20example.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_Masamune

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megohime

[politalysis]

# What has happened to JK Rowling?

Growing up in the early 2000s immediately made Harry Potter a huge part of your childhood. Even if you never read the books or watched the films, you can probably name the three main characters. Even if you weren’t interested in Harry Potter in the slightest, you probably know your Hogwarts house. It’s incredible what Harry Potter did for our generation all over the world. Children would stay up on their eleventh birthdays anxiously awaiting a Hogwarts acceptance letter, knowing full well that owl was never going to come. Our imagination kept the dream of going to Hogwarts and learning magic alive anyway. Even now at the age of 23, I can for the most part keep a conversation flowing with anyone who has read the books or even just watched the films. You could even go as far as to say it was our generation’s Lord of the Rings.

JK Rowling came from very humble beginnings. She suffered with depression in her childhood and early teens, and lost her mother to multiple sclerosis in 1990. These struggles inspired her a lot when writing Harry Potter. She channeled her grief and pain into her writing. In 1992, she married a man she had met whilst living in Portugal, but Rowling suffered domestic abuse at his hands and the couple separated a year later. She lost her job and moved to Edinburgh in Scotland, where she had to sign up for welfare benefits, which left her a poor and depressed single mother spending her time writing in coffee shops. When she finished writing Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, twelve publishers rejected the opportunity to publish the book. Once someone finally agreed to publish the book, it became the best selling children’s book of the year.

We all know how the story goes from there. Rowling wrote six more Harry Potter books, eight films were made, and Rowling went from a poor vulnerable single mother to a multi millionaire in the space of a few short years. Harry Potter is now a global brand estimated to be worth about $15 billion. The last four books have each consecutively set the record for the fastest selling book in history. Rowling is now the richest author in the world, with a net worth of $92 million. But as well as money, JK Rowling has over 14 million followers on Twitter. This gives her massive influence as well as money. Rowling seemed to initially use this influence for good, spreading mental health awareness, LGBT inclusivity, interacting with fans and creating a website for all us Harry Potter fans to determine our houses and let our wands choose us.

I remember being 8 years old when Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was released, and I was attending a religious school where some parents complained and called to ban Harry Potter over the controversial decision JK Rowling made regarding Dumbledore’s sexuality. Rowling had made the claim that Dumbledore was gay. Looking back, the controversy was ridiculous and I can only imagine how embarrassed some of those parents must be. I also remember as I got older, re-reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I noticed more that the emotion behind Dumbledore’s relationship with Grindelwald was one he held with a romantic love. So years later, when several members of the LGBT community attacked Rowling for only deciding Dumbledore’s sexuality after the books were written, I publicly defended her with my knowledge that that simply wasn’t true. I had this image of Rowling in my mind, that she had always been on the right side of this debate. She had always been inclusive and supportive of LGBT people as far as I could see, and I just didn’t understand the issue. Rowling had always expressed a centre-left political perspective, and although I didn’t agree with all her views, they seemed relatively uncontroversial.

When Harry Potter and the Cursed Child was released, I hated it. It was a literary disaster, completely disrespectful of the original book series, the characters were a shell of the characters we had grown up with, the plot was almost deliberately ridiculous and overly elaborate and I immediately dismissed it as not canon. I have never forgiven JK Rowling for publicly stating the book was canon. She almost destroyed a whole two decades of her own hard work and the franchise that she’d built that had been like a home for a whole generation. All because she wanted to grab a few extra quid for a terrible book she didn’t even write. To this day I can’t help but wonder if she has even read the book. If I had written the masterpiece that is Harry Potter, I would view the Cursed Child as an insult. Perhaps I’ll even write a review one day, just for fun. Rowling also annoyed me by going back on her story, regretting pairing Ron and Hermione together and not pairing Hermione with Harry. Ron and Hermione are my favourite couple from the story, and their relationship had so much meaning. I couldn’t believe that the author who wrote such a clever and consistent relationship between two beloved characters could ever regret it. At this point in my life, I was beginning to wonder if perhaps Rowling was losing her mind. It was almost like she was trying to destroy her legacy.

As more years passed, the Fantastic Beasts films were released. The first film looked promising, but the second film was yet another disaster. Again, it was inconsistent with the franchise as we knew it, for some reason Hogwarts was full of people wearing 3 piece suits instead of the robes they wore in the Harry Potter series and Minerva McGonigall appeared as a teacher despite the fact that canonically there is no way she could have been old enough. The film was a disaster with both fans and critics hating it. Amongst this mess came controversy in December 2019. Rowling lost all respect she had once held amongst the transgender community when she made a public statement supporting Maya Forstater, a British woman who lost her employment tribunal case against her employer who fired her over transphobic comments. Six months later on June 6 2020, Rowling criticised the term “people who menstruate” and stated: "If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased. I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives." Rowling’s views on these issues were heavily criticised by GLAAD and even by the actors from the Harry Potter movies including lead actors Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson.

Rowling published a 3,600 word essay in response to the mass criticism of her views four days later. The essay did her no favours, as she wrote: “When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside.” She seemed to be suggesting that trans women are often just men disguised as women in order to trick or even harm other women. This obviously angered the transgender community even more, and women’s refuge shelters that allow trans women were reporting no rise in violence as a result, children’s charities that support gender non conforming children were criticising Rowling, she was being made to give back awards and ultimately Rowling was labelled a Trans exclusionary radical feminist, a term often abbreviated to TERF.

JK Rowling is the perfect example of how money and influence can make someone forget their roots so easily. For someone who survived poverty, domestic abuse and sexual assault, she is so lacking in self awareness and how the things she has said and done can be harmful to transgender people. It is widely reported that transgender women are at more risk of harm in female restrooms than cisgender women. With acceptance becoming the norm, transgender people are feeling more safe to come out now than ever before, and so the rise in numbers of the community is huge, especially amongst our generation who grew up with Harry Potter. For a young transgender teenager to grow up wondering how Hogwarts would accommodate them, only to hear the author who gave us Hogwarts in the first place disapprove of equal rights for transgender people, must be very disheartening. However, JK Rowling has proven that she has no idea how powerful the legacy her books created really is. She was tasked with following up the Harry Potter series, and what she gave us was inconsistent and very poorly written screenplays. I have read better sequels on tumblr. Lots of them. Hogwarts doesn’t belong to JK Rowling, it belongs to the fandom. And I’ll be willing to bet my last penny that if Professor McGonigall witnessed any bullying of transgender students in her classroom (or indeed the girls bathroom!) she’d absolutely defend the victim without a moment’s hesitation. Hermione would decorate the Gryffindor common room with little blue, pink and white flags in support of a transgender first year who’d just been sorted into Gryffindor. Luna Lovegood would sit and befriend any trans student who looked lonely, and Ginny would dish out a bat bogey hex to anyone who dared pick on them. No matter what JK Rowling thinks, Hogwarts is not hers to ruin. It is ours. Regardless of what makes us different, Hogwarts is our home.

[nightswithkookmin]

JIKOOK DYNAMICS: JIMIN'S LOVE LANGUAGE

PREFACE

In my previous post, I shared my thoughts on what I think is Jikook's love language, specifically Jungkook's; and how in my estimation Jimin is the only member within BTS that speaks it, comes close to speaking it and most importantly makes the effort to speak it.

In this post, I attempt to outline what I think is Jimin's love language and show the various ways I feel JK speaks it or comes close to speaking it more so than the others in BTS.

Now I have to state for the record that I do not know or purport to know Jimin or Jungkook or any of these members herein mentioned in any way special and personal other than through the content we all consume on them.

Nor do I intend to be malicious or disrespectful towards them with this post, to intend to strip away their individuality for the sake of shipping symmetry.

Thus, I reiterate, everything I express in here is my thoughts, my observations and my opinion and I pray you treat it as such.

Let the records show, also that, I will bug spray any fake woke wannabe edgy shipper with a Tuktukker complex that takes my words out of context, misconstrue it to suit their own agenda and then turn around to call me out for it. In the name of Jesus, I will avada kedabra your ass. Seriously.

JIMIN

I've always been fascinated by Jimin. By the person he is. And although I do not have a comprehensive understanding of this man's inner workings, he's got to be the most complex and frankly interesting character I've come across in all my shipping years.

His duality is confusing and coupled with his Libra energy, his character and personality can be and is quite often misconstrued and misinterpreted within the shipping community.

He is friendly, cute, funny, beautiful and ship compatible with anyone.

Very often, I find, most people cannot tell his personality from his idol self slash persona or even his love language from his affectionate nature; thus resulting in these bizzare fallacies and ridiculous assumptions about him such as: he is a flirt, hoe, clingy, homewrecker, attention seeker and a plethora of slurs and sobriquet that's defamatory and slanderous at best- its ridiculous.

I get that not everyone likes him and as such wouldn't hesitate to filter his words and actions through arbitrary metrics to arrive at conclusions that profits them and does nothing but help them make sense of their hate- Y'all don't love yourselves enough.

Not to say he is my bias therefore he is perfect. That would be a blunder. He has his shortcomings, he is human after all. What I'm saying is most people don't get him and as such read him wrong?

What's more discombobulating, is the stan who swears up and down they know Jimin well enough but don't see him treating JK any different from the rest of the boys in BTS therefore Jikook isn't real- insert shook pikachu face.

Then there are those stans with genuine shipping concerns about the love dynamics between the two:

Those that feel JM gives more to JK than he receives back. That he is more supportive of JK than JK is of him. Very often, these people would bring up the issue of JK not promoting Promise when it first came out as evidence of this- it's been years let it go.

JK not being as vocal and open about his feelings and interest in JM the way Jimin is and has been about JK is also another area of concern for these stans. If you try to explain to them its because JK is/was shy they will kick- your- ass. Hell, I will kick your ass too. I'll explain later.

Some people also- I know I have at one point- have described JK's interest in and descriptions of JM as a bit shallow and vain compared to how the other members speak of Jimin.

To them, the other members usually talk about how smart and intelligent JM is, how kind and nurturing he is. How much of himself he gives to them. That the way the members talk about Jimin often helps give us a glimpse into the real Park Jimin as distinct from the persona we see on the screens.

But then there is JK: JM hyung is sexy. He has pretty eyes. 'I want you.' Then he proceeds to drool over the Jibooty, squeeze them legs shut tight while struggling to sit through a Jimin solo dance without popping boners left right left around Jimin- Bless him.

I mean, dude nearly snapped his neck trying to catch a glimpse of the Ji-abs in the middle of a performance? Damn.

To be fair, the other members don't talk like this about Jimin and sexualise Jimin as often as JK does because, they don't want to screw Jimin's brains out? Cough, cough. Hashtag save Jimin from JK. Lol

If JK is sexually attracted to Jimin, how else do you expect him to express that? Never mind that he's done some of these things subconsciously at times. You know what...

Y'all need to give this man a break!

[RANT]

He was a hormonal teen- he is still relatively pretty young. It's ridiculous to expect and demand such high level of maturity from a 16/17 year old experiencing a nonplatonic love for the first time in his life and more so in an unforgiving and invasive environment such as that in which he found himself.

Jk and Jimin found each other before they found themselves and it's unreasonable to think that that didn't have a toll on their relationship dynamics. They are human.

They are each growing and maturing at different paces. Their relationship has suffered through its growing pains; Certainly, one person is going to appear lacking in one or two areas in one way shape or form and at any given point in their love journey. That doesn't make them less real.

Again, their careers and the pursuit of it haven't exactly given them the space, time or normalcy to explore what they are and who they are in a functional way, in my opinion.

Everything is moving fast in their world, everything is highly exaggerated and highly scrutinized. Kpop is not exactly a healthy space to foster a healthy relationship and it would be a miracle if any of them should come out unscathed.

Neither one of them went searching for this love thingy nor were they even experienced enough to look at their relationship beyond the convenience of it and the excitement of it- The orgasms were enough reason for them, I think.

I get uncomfortable when some Jikookers, out of good intentions, claim Jikook knew what they were doing, should have known therefore could have known the consequences of them coupling up in a group like BTS before entering into their relationship- let me stop you right there!

While this assumption may seem like a compliment to them it also perpetuates the adultification of early days Jikook which I find disturbing.

They were teens not grown adults when they fell in love. We can't expect and demand such level of maturity from them at that age as cool as that would have made them.

They don't need to be cool to be real. They don't need to be mature to be real.

Jikook is real regardless of whether they were thoughtful or not thoughtful about the consequences of them choosing to date in a group setting, or a homophobic society at the onset of their relationship.

It's ridiculous to dismiss what they are now on the grounds that S.K is a homophobic society or that dating a coworker is not inconsequential.

People date their coworkers all the time and there are gay couples in S.K.

Jikook were too young to comprehend the consequences of dating because which teen worries about all of that before popping one off for the lord? On which planet, sir/ma'am??Were they thinking with their 'ducks?' I believe so. But again, that doesn't make them any less real.

From what I can tell anyway, 2018 was the year Jikook had anything resembling a serious thoughtful contemplation of the status of their relationship- Well, 2018 and this later half of 2020 as some of you might have already noticed. More on this later.

But yes, this adultification of early days Jikook is absurd and needs to stop. And what's equally disturbing is the infantilization of the adult day Jikook- you can't expect Jikook dynamics to remain the same throughout the years. That's bizzare.

Don't expect them to be their same jeonlous, Jimlous, possessive selves. They are growing. They are evolving as individuals and as a pair.

I side eye the fuck out of these fake woke shippers and 'grown ups' who filter Jikook interactions through adult lens and tag moments like Jimlous and Jeonlous as toxic and unhealthy without taking into context where they were at in their love journey or even their age. What y'all think this is? Fiction? Get the fuck outta here.

Jikook have had to learn and grow on the Job and around their job and learn to love eachother under the scrutiny of severe cameras and weird Ahjummas. Leave them the fuck alone or I swear I will petrify your ass for an entire comeback season. Lol

[Rant over]

All that being said, I get it. The way JK talks about Jimin isn't exactly special or unique from the way the other's speak about Jimin. But it isn't exactly superficial either...

And yes, it's quite unsettling that he doesn't describe Jimin in a way that gives meaningful insight into Jimin's personality as distinct from the others', given as he has exclusive access to Jimin more so than any of the members- we have a lot to unpack today, don't we?

Then on the other hand, there are those who think the exact opposite and see JK as the one who gives more to their relationship. That JK takes their relationship more seriously than Jimin does. They see Jimin as a bit wishy-washy when it comes to his commitment to their relationship- this breaks my heart.

Often, such people will cite Jimin's flirty nature, his lack of boundaries with others amongst other things, to prove their point...

Grab a seat, this discussion is going to be a long one. Smiley face.

JIMIN'S LOVE LANGUAGE

Jimin first got on my alt-ship radar in Rookie King when he was given an opportunity to air any and all of his grievances accumulated over the years against any member or staff of BigHit but instead chose to use that opportunity to talk about JK and how JK's actions had been hurting him.

Prior to this, he was just my bias and I would casually ship him with Suga, V, RM and basically all the members- except JK. I just couldn't ship JK with anyone.

Back then, I had a vague sense of JM's personality but felt I knew enough about him to theorize on his love language and JK was the last person I thought of as capable of meeting those emotional needs of Jimin's.

Rookie King changed my mind.

Jimin wasn't just trying to squash his differences with JK, he was trying to get closer to him. To get emotionally intimate with him- this is one of the things that sparked my interest in their dynamics.

Because it wasn't as if they weren't close. They were. They had a skinship between them. Skinship, or lack of physical boundaries as I like to call it, is one of the means through which BTS achieve intimacy amongst them.

Jikook had that between them at the time, they went everywhere together, woke each other up- they were close.

Yet Jimin felt they weren't close enough. That there was a wall between them. Now, I see a lot of people misinterpret this period in the Jikook timeline as that Jimin was crushing hard on JK. He wasn't. In my opinion.

You see, Jimin was the last person to Join the band. This was bound to have an effect on his relationship dynamics with the rest of the members as he had missed out on two years worth of emotional connection and camaraderie with them.

He had had only one year to bond and get to know the others away from the cameras and in a way that could help him develop a sense of belongingness within the group.

Within this one year, he had school, voice training, and other activities that possibly got in the way of him truly building an intimate connection with the others.

He is the only member out of the seven whose intimacy journey got captured on camera. He had to foster a connection with the others with the cameras around.

But building a connection with people even in a platonic sense is quite an intimate and private process. It takes vulnerability, honesty, a willingness to submit and subject oneself to varying degrees of humiliation, a sacrifice of the self, ego and pride in a way that just strips you naked- metaphorically speaking.

And in Jimin's case, he had to go through this stage and process openly and with the cameras around- the second hand embarrassment I get from watching early days Park Jimin!

He literally had to be the clown of the group, the hufflepuff, the clingy one, the flirty one, the one with the abs, the loud and chatty one as well as all the tasteless epithets people now weaponize against him.

I believe, all he was trying to do at this stage was breach the barriers he felt existed between him and the others as the newcomer of the group so he didn't feel like an outsider.

That is his first love language- the need to belong. He has a strong desire to feel connected with people. He cares about people and connection. He's reiterated this throughout the years and even more loudly in the recent Japan interviews.

He wanted to be part of BTS both physically and emotionally. He wanted to fit in, to belong with them, to be accepted and viewed as one of the boys- BTS.

You could see this in the way he had adopted the mannerisms of the group- the skinship, the love language of the group if you will.

It is why when Suga complained about him not liking him as much, Jimin immediately drew closer to him and wrapped his hands around him, initiating skinship between them to show he liked him.

Jimin tried to speak the groups love language so he could bond with them but he also began to infuse his own love language.

If you've seen his relationship with his father you'd understand that Jimin expresses his love through giving, nurturing etc. It is how his primary care givers showed him love and so how he also shows and conveys his love.

The members have talked about how he would encourage them to talk, to open up, how he would listen to them, be there for them and give them gifts- the birthday gift exchange culture in BTS didn't exist until Jimin arrived in BTS.

What I'm trying to say is, Jimin has a distinct way of showing love that is unique from how everyone else in the group expresses their love. That, there is also an established love parlance within BTS that everyone speaks and that is skinship.

So when Jimin does skinship with any member he is not acting 'clingy' he is just speaking the love language that the group understands. But when Jimin nurtures and acts supportive and what not, he is speaking his own unique love language.

Now I have talked extensively about how Jimin expresses his in my last post so I will be focusing mainly on how he receives loves or what gestures he interprets as love.

And since there is a general consensus that VMin have an emotional connection, I will be referencing their relationship a lot for comparisons sake.

Tae is the only member Jimin got to spend the most time with around predebut without the intrusion of the cameras. This i feel allowed Tae room to strip back and be fully vulnerable with Jimin without reservation as is required of intimacy- which was not the case for Jikook hence JK shying away from interacting with JM in front of the cameras.

Jikook wasn't accorded the luxury of privacy VMin had to build their bond. Jikook had to build their bond with the camera's trailing them. How many times have we seen JK give death stares to the camera people for invading his me time with Jimin?

Not to be psychoanalytic but I feel, this is what induced the exhibitionist tendencies we see in them- or perhaps I'm wrong and this is just them being extra. Bless them.

Within the one year JM was trying to connect with JK through skinship, JK was also only coming around to understanding what skinship meant to him. They were evolving at different paces.

JK has the most walls in BTS. He wasn't just physically closed off to skinship in the early days forcing Tae to strip him naked in the bathroom, he was emotionally closed off too.

He is still pretty much emotionally closed off- he likes to put up walls. He had his own room at the dorm, does his own laundry, barely keeps in touch with the others or pick up the damn phone when they call etc.

Jk barely partakes in the group's established way of life except for perhaps the skinship. In my opinion.

It took JK a while to understand this culture of skinship though. And the members, all of them, had to push his boundaries further back in order to connect with him.

For instance, Jin pinching his nipples to wake him up, Tae doing- well, all of it. Go watch Taekook sexual tension edits, I dare you. You'll understand.

These members had three years off camera with JK to build a connection with him and even they were met with some resistance from JK.

All Jimin had was a year with JK. I feel Jimin lowkey coveted what the others had with JK and perhaps wanted to have that with him too. Why? Because of his need to belong and connect with people. Watching JK's dynamics with the others probably made him feel left out.

I also understand how this could have been overwhelming for young JK who was having both his physical boundaries and emotional boundaries breached at the same time by this person whom he he'd known for only a year.

That's just one of the major differences between Jikook and Taekook: while Tae was busy breaching the physical walls between him and JK, Jimin was attempting emotional heist on him. Bravo Jimin, Bravo.

So do I think at this point in 2013 that Jikook were falling in love or had fallen in love? NO. But what I took from that moment was that Jimin wanted and needed to feel a sense of belongingness with JK.

Mind you I said he wanted to belong, not owned. Freedom is a component of Jimin's love language. In as much as he wants to be kept he wants to be set free- To be be given the room and freedom to explore options and take risks without judgement and without sanctions.

This need is often misconstrued as him being noncommittal.

His need for freedom, I believe, stems from his being raised in a conservative home with parents that directed and dictated every facet of his life and wouldn't even allow him to pursue his passions until later. It took a while for his father to give him the go ahead to pursue his dream- which is performing on stage.

This is why I said in my last post that Jimin has a need to be in control of the decision making in a relationship. Being able to do as he pleases is important to him. Being able to control his own narrative is important to him. And the only person in BTS that permits him to have such authority over him is JK.

Now, I know you are going to say 'but JK is a bit possessive yadda yadda yadda'.

Listen, Jimin's need for freedom is inextricably linked with his fear of judgment and repercussion. What this means is, although he wants his freedom he is often afraid of what will happen if he should go for it.

As such, very often he wouldn't do anything without permission. Especially if he feels it's going to land him in trouble.

I fist noticed this in the 2014 Jikook bangtan bomb when he said he was starting to take a liking to JK but then right after he asked if JK was ok with that. Suga have also said, Jimin doesn't go out of his way to do things that makes people hate him- See this is why he needs JK. He could use some rebellion in his life.

However, this fear of sanctions often makes him complacent to and an accomplice in toxic behavioural patterns.

For instance, until recently, he would enable JK and encourage his acts of jealousy and possessiveness and even incite them at times. He would hold on to the thorns if it means keeping the rose.

But I see him asserting himself and demanding space within their relationship at times but when he does and JK withdraws he would act clingy around JK.

It is what Manila was about, what August 2019 was about and what April/May 2020 was about. I know some of y'all don't agree with my analysis on these moments, but I'm gonna have to stand by it.

Jimin is all about the balance of scales. The balance of needs and wants. The balance of fears and desires. It's just the Libra in him. Give him too much freedom and he will feel unwanted, hold on too tight and he would feel suffocated.

'I value my relationship. Spending time with my friends is gold' remember this shade?

Jimin's fear of Judgment comes from being a perfectionist and also being raised in a conservative home with a lot of expectations of him to be the model son as the elder male.

Thus, he instinctively gravitates towards people who are less judgy or have too much expectations of him.

Also, because he believes he has to work hard to achieve the things he wwants he wants to be loved, it would mean a lot to him if he didn't have to work hard to have someone love him.

It makes sense then that he would gravitate towards JK.

Jk embodies all of Jimin's wildest desires. I call this the allure of the Golden Maknae. Jk doesn't conform. He doesn't care about people's opinions of him and lives his life on his own terms- something Jimin is striving for.

No member in BTS is as free spirited, or as rebellious as JK is. When Suga told him not to get a tattoo because the fans would hate it- he's gotten it anyway hasn't he?

The best part, JK fell all on his own. And you damn right. he fell hard.

Still on the subject of fears, another fear I feel Jimin has that speaks to his love language is the fear of being a burden.

It is why he gives and gives and keeps giving. He'd rather give than receive. Which by the way, JK is the only member I have seen Jimin demand back what he gives him. Emotionally speaking.

Because he gives a lot of himself, he burns out quickly and feels emotionally drained quite often.

He has admitted himself that he used to drink by himself in his room whenever he felt drained. I assume he drank by himself because he didn't want to be a burden to others. Aka JK.

You see, JK is an empath. He feels people's pain as if they were his own. You just have to see him tear up while watching JM cry to understand what I mean by this. Jimin is a nurturer, he knows what it feels like to listen to someone's pain.

And if Tae is the one he goes to when it becomes overbearing then what does he need JK for? Glad you asked!

What JK offers Jimin is nourishment. A safe space for him to heal and reboot. JK replenishes Jimin. It is why he constantly wants to be around him.

Jk has been a canvas in their love dynamics from day one. They've both had to negotiate their needs and wants to make their relationship work. Which is something I find unique about their dynamics and why I believe they are real.

JK's lack of experience in dating, meant he had gone into their relationship without any preconceived notions of love. He's had to learn to love Jimin the way Jimin wants to be loved.

Coming from the background he's coming from, and having been denied his ambitions for such a long time, I see why Jimin would be drawn to people that are quite ambitious.

And even though, JK wasn't this person at first, Jimin has had to hype him up to the task. He pushes JK to be more ambitious.

When it comes to JK, I feel it's more about his potential to be everything Jimin wants in a partner and JK seems more than happy to comply with this.

Because of Jimin's duality and as a natural nurturer, I feel Jimin would also be attracted to someone emotionally open to recieving his love but not too emotionally dependent on him- the balance of scales I mentioned earlier.

It is why VMin wouldn't work, in my opinion. Tae is too emotionally dependent on Jimin. He ends up taking too much than he gives. On the other hand, Suga isn't emotionally dependent enough.

Again, for a man who's battled insecurity for years, it's safe to assume security, certainty and stability are an intricate part of his love language.

He seeks validation of these needs through the most random of things. In my opinion. He wants to be the one that knows JK the best. It matters to him if their clothes match, if their hair colors match, if JK meets his eyes in the middle of a serious comeback interview, if he checks all of JK's answers- hell, dude be whispering sweet empty nothings in JK's ears most times, talking about they are destined to be together and shit. You are me, I am you. Shit.

As annoying as some of these behaviors may be, JK is very considerate and tolerant of them and consideration is another one of Jimin's love language. This goes back to having been denied his dreams by his father. That denial flowed from a lack of consideration of his needs.

And as much as emotionally connected he is with Tae, Tae barely takes his feelings into consideration. And you see this in the letter Tae's written to Jimin. Or even in the dumpling incident where Tae put his want above Jimin's.

Not to mention the moments, JM have had to walk out of rooms because- Tae won't stop playing with JK's dam hair! Lol. They are cute.

People take from Jimin without reservation. But Jk is considerate as Jimin is of JK's needs.

Jk wasn't the 'exhibitionist' in that pair. He's a very private individual from what I can tell.

That PDA, that exhibitionism we see in them, that's all Park Jimin. He kinky. Dude freaky as fuck- we ain't mad at that. Bless him.

He enjoys public displays of affection. It's how he receives love. But PDA is not JK's love language, in my opinion. Yet he goes out of his way to show his affections for JM openly.

The best example I can give of this is Rosebowl.

JK understands that in order to be intimate with JM he has to allow himself to be influenced by him.

And Jimin understands that, as much as he wants to be close to JK that he doesn't have to rush him or force him into giving him the things he need from their relationship.

They are both very considerate of each other's needs, as random and ridiculous as those needs may be and cater to them in a way that is uniquely them.

Take the New Jersey live 2019 for example. Jimin seemed exhausted. Didn't want to be on another Live that night but JK clearly wanted to be seen on a Live together with him so he was there.

Another instance is the rock bison incident, where JM exchanged his toy for JK's just to make JK happy.

CONCLUSION

Listen, Jimin is in love with Jk no matter how imperfect you think he is.

No matter how much you think JK sucks at expressing his feelings for JM, Jimin loves him. No matter how close JM is with the other members, aka VMin, Yoonmin, Minimoni and the others; no matter the lack of emotional and physical boundaries between him and the others he will always fall back on Jk because none of those relationships fulfill him as much as JK does.

Jimin's constant need to be around JK could only mean there is some he gets from JK, a sense of fulfillment he gets that he doesn't get from any other member.

Keep supporting Jikook.

Signed,

GOLDY

[bigskydreaming]

Do you have any character in any fandom that you hate so much or a character who bothers you so much that you can't look at any media without getting annoyed/ upset? Not like villain character, a normal or even fandom fave character, someone most others won't find anything wrong with but your guts hate them, that kind?

I mean, the most obvious example of this for me is definitely Stiles in Teen Wolf lol. I know that a lot of people didn’t start disliking him until later seasons but I just flat out never liked him from the get go, and like....it built and grew due to a lot of fandom attitudes towards the character?

Because like......I just do not enjoy characters who constantly seem to be making digs at or undercutting their supposed friends or family, the way Stiles was with Scott from the very pilot. Its like yeah great, I can absolutely see and recognize all the times he was there for him and did in fact do good friendship type stuff, but the problem for me lies in the way fandom tends to make that TRANSACTIONAL with the stuff I had a problem with where its almost like, well, see, since Stiles tried so hard to save Scott in this one episode Motel California, he GETS to casually insult and demoralize him all the rest of the time, and holy shit no that’s not how that works, y’know? (Especially because Scott’s shitty self-esteem was the bad guy’s way in for almost killing him in Motel California, and gee what connection could there be between shitty self-esteem and constantly being belittled and talked down to by your literal best friend in the whole world BUT I DIGRESS).

And a lot of people over the years have been like, okay but friends tease each other and give each other shit all the time, are you saying they’re all bad for doing so? And no, I’m not, but the thing people tend to gloss over here is the key phrase “each other.”

Because its one thing when you have friendships like this. Its another thing when those friendships flow entirely one way in this specific regard.

When one character is not only ‘allowed to’ but almost EXPECTED to take pot shots at their friend at every available opportunity, but any single time the other friend does the same, no matter how playfully, its fixated upon as being mean and unfriendly, like...THAT is the problem.

And while I don’t have a specific single character that answers your question here in terms of Batfandom, the exact same phenomenon rears its head there and I holy hell object to that too, lol.

Like, we see it SO often with how Dick’s brothers are habitually characterized as mocking his relationship with Bruce, work ethic, standards, jobs, apartment, fashion choices, cooking, NAME......with it just taken for granted that there’s nothing wrong with them all calling him Dickhead or saying he’s ‘really lived up to his namesake’ practically once a fic, if not once a chapter......

And again, the common refrain is “well siblings are just like that?”

And they’re not actually, is the thing. I mean, I grew up with siblings too, and YES we gave each other shit all the time, but again its that exact same key phrase: EACH OTHER.

Like in comparison to the above, how often do people read fic where Dick casually insults his brothers every time he meets up with them, or makes snide, backhanded offensive references to their own parents or memories/reminders of them, or insults their standards not even as a point of specific conflict, but just as a casual, generic expression of contempt?

Its not a two-way street there either at ALL, and THAT’S the issue.

(Also similar to the example I outlined with Motel California, a lot of people write stuff about Dick having shitty self-esteem, but again like.....when you pair this as hand in hand with Dick regularly being insulted and talked down to by his own family, who never ever seem to have anything good to say to him or about him until AFTER he has some kind of breakdown, its like......where do you think shitty self-esteem so often comes from?)

Like, I’ve had people tag fic/drabble posts where I have Dick engaging in what to my estimation is the equivalent of gently teasing Jason or Tim.....and people tag these with “I feel funny about this because Dick seems kinda mean to his brothers here”.....and then nine out of ten times, if I go onto their blog, within a PAGE or two, I see some post where Jason and Tim are calling Dick a Dickhead or mocking his intelligence with NO sign of funny feelings from that person and its like......its not the criticism I mind, lol, its that uh, one of these things (standards of behavior applied to each character) are not like the others.

Because a lot of times when pressed on this subject, people will respond with “well it wouldn’t be in character/Dick or Scott are too nice for that to be their sense of humor” and again its just kinda glossed over that uh, this is basically a tacit admission that the characterization you’re going with for everyone else is ‘not that nice, actually.’ BUT any time people call this specific kind of behavior out when these characters do it, THEN the response is not “well yeah, you’re right, its not that nice actually,” its a defensive “well okay but that’s just how these characters are, are you saying they’re assholes?”

And its like well no, actually you basically were the ones who said they were assholes when you made this a core part of their characterization, and now you’re using this weird kinda circular logic to loophole your way out of them being actually held up and acknowledged as such WHEN they’re characterized this way. 

If these specific other characters never get to retaliate or return fire BECAUSE they’re too nice, then there should be no problem acknowledging that when the characters who DO engage in this behavior are actively engaging in it.....they’re being assholes, and no, its just how friends/siblings are is not actually a defensive/deviation from this if their targeted friend/sibling is never actually able to do the same without being held up specifically as stepping outside the territory of “being nice.”

Few things bug me more in terms of basic character interactions/dynamics then the tendency fandom has of building up certain characters as having free reign with how they treat other characters, while simultaneously limiting these other characters from any kind of equivalent spectrum of behavior by using their own positive traits AGAINST THEM.....but with fandom at the same time being willing to full on go to war in defense of the first kind of characters if anyone draws any kind of connecting dots between their examples of frankly asshole-ish behavior and the implication that they might, in fact, be not that awesome as a result.

Its this annoying sleight of hand wherein certain characters can do or say anything without it being a reflection on who they are character-wise, while other characters step the SLIGHTEST toe out of the line that fandom has drawn for their character and how they’re EXPECTED to behave at all times in order to avoid active criticism.....and this then absolutely is an indication of how they’re actually flawed and gross and even abusive, because of how not nice what they’re doing is, and if people want them to NOT be perceived that way, they need to go back to characterizing them or focusing their characterization of them on all the times/ways in which they just placidly accept whatever’s dished out without any kind of reciprocation.

So yeah, Stiles was always a big example of this for me, but it was far from limited to just him. Any time a fandom is like “these characters can make fun of this character or be super critical of them but this character is never ever allowed to do the same in return, that’s against the law,” I’m like yeah no, that’s a swing and a miss for me. Hard pass on those particular fandom faves....at least so long as their fandom fave status seems to go hand in hand with their ability to inflict maximum psychic damage upon their alleged loved one any time they’re feeling down or are just in a mood, all while facing zero consequences for it....even in the simple form of their targeted ‘loved one’ ever simply being like yeah I just choose to not want to be around you when you’re being assholes to me/if you’re going to just be an asshole to me.

[rajpersaud]

Associate Professor at Suicide Research Unit discusses Meghan Markle Interview

You can also listen to this interview on a free app on iTunes and Google Play Store entitled 'Raj Persaud in conversation', which includes a lot of free information on the latest research findings in psychology, psychiatry, neuroscience and mental health, plus interviews with top experts from around the world. Download it free from these links. Don't forget to check out the bonus content button on the app.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.rajpersaud.android.rajpersaud

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/dr-raj-persaud-in-conversation/id927466223?

  Thomas Niederkrotenthaler is associate professor at the Suicide Research Unit at the Institute of Social Medicine, Center for Public Health, Medical University of Vienna. He is the co-chair of the International Association for Suicide Prevention's Media and Suicide Special Interest Group.

Reacting to suicidal revelations - is Piers Morgan right?

Research on suicide reporting suggests a surprising effect of Meghan's interview

by Dr Raj Persaud

  Piers Morgan, a controversial TV host, has now left his national broadcasting position after expressing strong disbelief over Meghan’s confessions of suicidal thinking in her interview with Oprah Winfrey.

BBC News reports that Piers Morgan continues to stand by his criticism of the Duchess of Sussex. Ofcom, a regulator of broadcasting in the UK, is investigating his comments after receiving 41,000 complaints from the British public.

The duchess apparently formally complained to ITV about Morgan's remarks. It is reported that she raised concerns about how Piers Morgan's sentiments affect the issue of mental health, and what it might do to others contemplating suicide.

Is Meghan correct in her reported analysis? Or is Piers Morgan right to stand by his comments?

Or, in discussing suicide during an Oprah Winfrey interview, did she in fact make it more likely that others will self-harm?

Media reporting of suicidal behaviour has been found to contribute to an increase in suicidal thinking and actual suicides in the population. At this point Piers Morgan may argue the duchess is wrong to criticise him, and has only herself to blame, if there is a spike in suicides following the interview.

Recent research found that Google searches for “How to kill yourself” significantly increased after the release of ‘13 Reasons Why’, a popular Netflix American teen drama on the aftermath of high school student's suicide. The study calculated there were 900 000 to 1.5 million more searches than expected, for that time of year, in just over two weeks following the release of the series.

Another study, published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry in February 2020, estimated there were 195 additional suicide deaths among 10- to 17-year-old youths between April 1 and December 31, 2017, following the series’ release.

One of the first studies to investigate this effect, analysed 34 newspaper stories that reported on suicides, and found a 2.51% increase in suicide during the month of the publicity.

More worrying still, about the possible repercussions of the extensive reporting of Meghan’s suicidal thinking worldwide, is that, research by Professor Steven Stack, an expert on the sociology of suicide, based at Wayne State University, USA, found that studies measuring the presence of an entertainment celebrity in a suicide press report, are over 5 times more likely to find a copycat effect, while studies focusing on female suicide, were almost 5 times more likely to report a copycat effect, than other research investigating the impact of suicide reporting in the press.

Another example reported by Steven Stack is that in the year of the publication of a book which focused on self-harm via a particular method, suicide by that specific recommended method, increased 313% in New York City. In almost one third of cases a copy of the book was found at the scene of the suicide.

On average, following the media reporting of a suicide, approximately one third of persons involved in subsequent suicidal behavior appear to have seen the reporting of that suicide and may be copycat suicides.

The suicide of actress Marilyn Monroe was associated with a 12% increase in suicide.

One theory as to why reporting of a celebrity killing themselves or feeling suicidal, according to Professor Steven Stack, is that the vulnerable suicidal person may reason, ‘If a Marilyn Monroe with all her fame and fortune cannot endure life, why should I?’

Copycat suicides following media reporting of self-harm has been termed the ‘Werther Effect’, following a notorious historical incident after the publication in 1774 of a popular novel in which the hero kills himself. Entitled, The Sorrows of Young Werther the book by Goethe was rumoured to be responsible for a subsequent epidemic of suicide in young people. European authorities were so worried about its impact, that the book was banned in Copenhagen, Italy and Leipzig.

Goethe is reported to have commented on the phenomenon; “My friends … thought that they must transform poetry into reality, imitate a novel like this in real life and, in any case, shoot themselves; and what occurred at first among a few took place later among the general public …”

However, now new research suggests that, in fact, Meghan Markle in talking about suicide, may have indeed performed a positive service in terms of suicide prevention.

The study entitled, ‘Role of media reports in completed and prevented suicide: Werther v. Papageno effects’, refers to a ‘Papageno Effect’, which the authors claim may be the opposite of the ‘Werther Effect’, and happens when suicide rates go down following a particular kind of self-harm publicity.

The ‘Papageno Effect’, the authors explain, is based on Papageno's overcoming of a suicidal crisis in Mozart's opera ‘The Magic Flute’. If media reporting has a suicide-protective impact this should now be referred to as the ‘Papageno Effect’ the authors argue. In Mozart's opera, Papageno becomes suicidal upon fearing the loss of his beloved Papagena; however, he refrains from suicide because of three boys who draw his attention to alternative coping strategies.

Thomas Niederkrotenthaler and Gernot Sonneck from the Medical University of Vienna, Austria, led a team who analysed all 497 suicide-related print media reports from the 11 largest Austrian nationwide newspapers, including the term suicide, between 1 January and 30 June 2005.

Reporting of individuals thinking about suicide (not accompanied by attempted or completed suicide) was associated with a decrease in national suicide rates. This study suggests that media items on suicidal thinking, perhaps as described by Meghan in her recent interview, formed a distinctive class of articles, which have a low probability of being potentially harmful.

The study, published in the British Journal of Psychiatry found that in marked contrast, media stories attempting to dispel popular public myths about suicide, in other words articles that you would have thought would be helpful, and were intended to be helpful as regards suicide, were associated with increases in suicide rates.

Other articles associated with increases in suicide rates include stories where the main focus was on suicide research, items containing contact information for a public support service and also the reporting of expert opinions.

In other words, all the previous so-called expert opinion of how the media ought to report suicide was not actually linked to drops in suicide rates, but instead increases.

The authors conclude that the actual reporting of suicidal thinking may contribute to preventing suicide. Therefore, it follows that whatever Piers Morgan may think or believe about the Meghan interview, the latest scientific research suggests she may have performed a public service in drawing attention to suicidal thinking.

One theory as to why this might be the case include the suggestion that reporting someone thinking about suicide enhances identification with the reported individual, and thus highlights the reported outcome as ‘going on living’.

This research suggests a new public health strategy as regards suicide prevention. This may be most effective when articles are published on individuals who refrained from adopting suicidal plans, and instead adopted positive coping mechanisms, despite suffering adverse circumstances.

The authors refer to this kind of press story as ‘Mastery of Crisis’. One example they quote: ‘Before [Tom Jones] had his first hit, he thought about suicide… and wanted to jump in front of an Underground train in London… In 1965, before he made the charts with “It's not unusual”, he thought for a second: “If I just take a step to the right, then it'll all be over”.’

Whatever else you may think of her, or the interview, the key question becomes, did Meghan exhibit ‘Mastery Of Crisis’?

REFERENCES

Piers Morgan stands by Meghan criticism after Good Morning Britain exit https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-56343768  

Internet Searches for Suicide Following the Release of 13 Reasons Why. Ayers JW, Althouse BM, Leas EC, Dredze M, Allem J. JAMA Intern Med. 2017;177(10):1527–1529. doi:10.1001/jamainternmed.2017.3333  

Association between the release of Netflix's 13 Reasons Why and suicide rates in the United States: an interrupted times series analysis. Bridge, J, Greenhouse, JB, Ruch, D, Stevens, J, Ackerman, J, Sheftall, A, et al. J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry 2019; 28 Apr (doi: 10.1016/j.jaac.2019.04.020).  

Suicide in the Media: A Quantitative Review of Studies Based on Nonfictional Stories. Steven Stack. Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior 35(2) April 2005, 121-133  

Role of media reports in completed and prevented suicide: Werther v. Papageno effects. Thomas Niederkrotenthaler, Martin Voracek, Arno Herberth, Benedikt Till, Markus Strauss, Elmar Etzersdorfer, Brigitte Eisenwort and Gernot Sonneck. British Journal of Psychiatry, 197(3), 234-243. doi:10.1192/bjp.bp.109.074633  

  Check out this episode!

[flying-elliska]

Hi Ellie!! I hope u dont mind this ask ❤Do u have any advice on how to do stuff on your checklist and not get overwhelmed? I can hardly do one thing out of my to do list and then i get severely depressed for not being able to do anything. i dont think i can function like a human being sometimes. anyway youre so cool ellie!!! i admire you loads!!! - help asked from one adhd struggling teen

HI anon ! I’m sorry for not answering sooner i had a beautiful answer ready and then Tumblr just ate it T_T anyway i don’t mind at all i think it’s awesome that you’re asking me ! this is honestly still something I’ve struggled a lot with. here are a few things that helped me (keep in mind i’m not a professional and this is only my personal, limited point of view) :

- ofc the first thing is to get as much help as you can, there are lots of people out there who can help. Generally talk to people around you about your problems ; often they want to help and just don’t know how : i know the tendency to feel ashamed and keep it in but that’s not good. Some people might be a bit ignorant so maybe keep a few ressources on hand you can send to people to educate them if that’s an issue ; and educate yourself so you feel more secure and legitimate in your opinions. 

- one thing that’s helped me lots is to go on #ADHDtwitter and #Neurodiversesquad because a lot of people on there are actual adults who are sharing both their struggles but also tips on how to actually manage the symptoms and have full and happy, if messy, lives. It’s very inspiring. It helped me a lot to feel understood, less alone and gave me a ton of ideas. Some accounts to start with : @ danidonovan - @ blkgrllostkeys @ ADHD_Alien (her comics are so cute) @ dustyexner plus lots of others

- regarding having trouble doing things, this is definitely a Big Damn Problem for adhd folks. the concept of the emotional Wall of Awful really helped me with this, you can find more about it in this Youtube video by the awesome How To ADHD channel (all her videos are so helpful !! have a look!) basically the idea is that we accumulate emotions linked to certain tasks based on unhappy past emotions that make it a lot harder for us to do things and that building it down takes a lot of time and effort but there are ways to work with/around that. learning to process, connect to and be more mindful of our emotions is a huge task, but it’s often a central one. 

- don’t try too hard to be neurotypical aka ‘normal’. find the solutions that work for YOU. If they’re a bit weird ? Whatever. The point is that it works. You will probably end up having weird routines that make no sense to others but it doesn’t matter as long as it helps you. Be creative and don’t be afraid to think outside the box. I’ll give you an example :  one of the reasons i hate going to bed early is because late at night is when i feel the most free of outside obligations and therefore i don’t want to give that up. So instead what i’ve been trying to do from time to time is a ‘clown hour’ where i basically give myself permission to do whatever the fuck i want (within reason lmao) but in an active way ; basically indulge my rebellious inner 8 yr old. Last time I ended up watching martial arts videos on youtube and practicing kickboxing kicks on the Mulan soundtrack and then put on funeral music and improvised my own eulogy by thinking about what i would like people to say about me after my death. Lmao that sounds completely wack when explained to other people but the point is - stuff like that really helped me reconnect to the idea that my time is mine to do with as i please, not just late at night. Anyway my point is : make it fun, make it a game, try things, experiment. Our brains crave novelty and if they don’t have it and feel burdened by shame, pressure and expectations of course they get depressed and stuck. Give your brain the fuel it needs to work. 

- just accept that sometimes you’re going to be a mess. it’s okay. you can be a bit of a mess and also live a fully, happy, joyous life. our society puts so much pressure on us to have this Perfect Instagram Life where everything is polished to unrealistic standards and gives us the idea that your morals are linked to productivity and if you are not constantly striving to be a Model Consumer Pretty Picture you are a Bad Person and a slob/lazy/unworthy/etc and all of that is...toxic garbage of the highest order that everyone should unlearn but especially us. related to that i would be careful with use of social media, tailor it to only give you content that makes you feel good/intellectually engaged/creative because it’s so easy for us to go into bad comparative spirals.

- tied to that be careful of your own perfectionist drives. it’s veeeeery common for adhd people to want to overcompensate their perceived shortcomings by wanting to be perfect. aka you haven’t done anything in weeks and all of a sudden you have this insane to do list where you expect yourself to turn your entire life around in a week. well, not going to happen. i’ve found it so important to limit myself. for instance what i do now is i forbid myself to put more than 5 items on any todo list. once i’ve cleared items i can add more, but not before. it’s a lot less scary that way. also prioritizing is very important so you don’t get bogged down in details.

- try to be mindful of your own energy. a big tendency of adhd people is to overpromise and underdeliver because we are enthusiastic and we want to please people but we are bad at estimating time/energy it will need. learn more about your own boundaries, what things are hard for you to do (for me, it’s socializing in groups) and what gives you energy (for me it’s writing, reading and walking in the woods) and try to balance that. learn to say no, it’s tough but necessary. So that you have enough left for the tasks you need to do. 

- create an environment that is benevolent and helpful for you in which to work/do things and that generates positive emotions. Get yourself a cute notebook. Put on happy music. Don’t forget to feed yourself. Don’t give into the urge of punishing yourself. You deserve happy good things - not overindulgence as escape - but our brains thrive on short term rewards. Bundle the unpleasant tasks with more stimulating stuff (for instance i always listen to podcasts while cleaning/grocery shopping etc). Create pleasant little routines for yourself (for instance one of the first things i try to do in the morning is do a little drawing of my emotions, it makes me happy, then i have tea and i plan my day.). Put on alarms constantly so you don’t lose track of time, but with a cool song. Find yourself cheerleaders who can encourage you in a positive way. Stuff like the pomodoro technique, timing yourself while doing a task, etc, can really help. Or telling yourself you will do a thing for ten minutes and stop when it’s unbearable, etc. Prioritize joy, pride, affection, desire to help, altruism, love, curiosity, interest and passion as motivators, instead of anxiety, guilt and shame. 

- find ways to build self esteem and confidence in your own skills. it’s often a lack of that that can block you from doing what you need to because you might be afraid of screwing it up. what I did for a while, for instance, is to keep a record of the stuff i did everyday and then extrapolated the skills i displayed from that. another thing you can do is make a list of simple skills you want to learn and find ways to do that, like youtube tutorials, etc. especially when it’s practical stuff and quick to learn, it can really feel so good, and make you more familiar with a sensation of success (and if you fail it can be a fun experiment gone wrong, and self discovery, you don’t have to be good at everything.)

- find ways to challenge yourself. depression happens for adhd people when we let ourself stagnate, isolate ourselves because of shame, and get into this idea that we are subhuman and we don’t deserve good things. that is false. you deserve a happy life. and our brains crave novelty. find your passion and indulge in it, find the things that make your brain come alive (as long as they’re healthy ofc). if you’re not sure what that is, just keep trying. you will find it. but resist the temptation to make your life smaller and smaller. you might mess up but that’s okay. it’s human and it will make for interesting stories later. instead of trying too hard to ‘fix’ yourself, focus on developping your positive sides. it will give you energy, self-respect and draw you forwards like a rocketship. we thrive on passion, not reprimand. 

- anyways : i know how tough it can be. depression is really something i struggle with, too. and doing things remains Hard. but my point is, you are not alone, and you are not broken. chances are you too, like most adhd people i know, are a fun, creative, compassionate person with a heart of gold and so much to give. our main enemy is most often the shame that comes with living in a world that is not adapted to us. but the truth is we are just playing the game of life on a much harder setting than a lot of people, and we don’t even have the manual. of course it’s going to create struggle ! so i think the best thing to do for yourself is cultivate a sense of compassion towards yourself, self acceptance, and humor. 

- as a teen you probably have a limited margin of autonomy to make your lifestyle fit your needs but - there is so much potential for it to get better ! as you grow in self knowledge and ability to make your own choices, you will find the right solutions and your life will get so much better. i have heard so many stories like this. since i got diagnosed, too, my life got a lot better. i won’t lie, it’s a lifelong process. but there is so much possible. give yourself time. you are so young, and you are definitely a human being. being human is struggling with being flawed and vulnerable and imperfect. i know the world can be shit sometimes, you probably got some negative messages - especially from your own brain bc depression definitely lies to you ! but don’t let yourself be guided by ignorance and fear. you deserve better. i bet you’re also super cool. the happier you are, the better off the world will be. so invest in yourself. educate yourself, develop your self knowledge, be kind to yourself, and keep making little steps. you’ll get there. <3

[mobius-prime]

152. Sonic the Hedgehog #86

Oh god. That cover, though. What the heck is with that terrifying sharp-toothed robot smile? How does a robot even do that? *shudder*

Heart of the Hedgehog (Part 1): Evil's Return

Writer: Danny Fingeroth Pencils: Sam Maxwell Colors: Frank Gagliardo

While Sonic and Tails are on their local reconnaissance, Sonic decides to make it more fun for Tails by continuing his intermittent training of the young fox in matters of speed. Tails does his best to keep up, but when a gust of wind knocks him off course Sonic has to rush over to catch him before he falls out of the air, which puts a damper on his ego.

Hmm, we certainly haven't heard any mention of Sonic's little roboticization accident from StH#39 in a long time. I wonder if its sudden inclusion here as a random example of hardship ties in, in any way, to the plot of this issue? Naaahhh, I'm sure it's a total coincidence! Tails heads out to find some firewood while Sonic gets the fire going, but minutes stretch into an hour, and still there's no sign of him.

Sonic, getting worried, goes against everything Smokey Bear taught him about campfire safety and just leaves the fire going while he rushes away to find his friend. He runs all over, calling Tails' name to no avail, until a very different voice finally responds to his calls - with a plasma blast.

Well now, other-robotic-version-of-Sonic, we haven't seen you in a long time - since aaaall the way back in the Knuckles Chaotix special, in fact! Sonic remembers his robotic double's apparent defeat at the mitts of Knuckles back then, but Metal Sonic arrogantly recounts how as a robot he was able to rebuild himself so he could come back for revenge. That's right, he was the saboteur of the Freedom Fighters' aircraft, and interestingly enough, he hasn't been sent by Eggman, who presumably doesn't even know he's here. Instead, he's purely in it for vengeance against his organic counterpart, having kidnapped Tails to get back at Sonic and planning to go after Knuckles as well once Sonic is dead. Sonic is enraged that Metal Sonic would dare to touch his friend, and tries to attack him while demanding to know where Tails is being kept, but Metal Sonic easily dodges every blow Sonic tries to land while landing some of his own with ease. He's both faster and stronger than Sonic, and basically just toys with him by doing things like wrapping him in a wire shot from his wrist and flinging him around to tire him out. Once Sonic is good and exhausted, Metal Sonic finally grows tired of the game, deciding to actually explain his plan while Sonic realizes just why he's so powerful.

In case you don't remember, Metal Sonic (back when he was still misnamed as Mecha Sonic) merged with the power gem during the Knuckles Chaotix special, and apparently it's helped him come back and become even stronger than before since then. Metal Sonic explains that he plans to give Sonic a fair chance to save Tails by letting him free, telling him that he's currently being kept at the top of the nearby Mt. Mobius, an active volcano which is due to erupt any minute now. Even more worryingly, Metal Sonic is able to make it there and back in an easy five minutes, with a now truly worried Sonic estimating it would take him closer to half an hour to get there on his own two feet. Still, he refuses to give up, racing off as soon as Metal Sonic lets him free to save his friend, with Metal Sonic ominously promising to make things harder on him as he tries to reach Tails in time. How will he make things harder, exactly?

…well, I guess it is indeed harder to save a captive friend when you're unconscious on the ground! Metal Sonic, leaving the woozy Sonic behind for now, flies back to the mouth of the volcano, where Tails, strapped by his wrists to the rock just above a lava pit, insists Sonic will come to save him even as Metal Sonic laughs at his unfaltering confidence…

Against the Haunted Past (Part 1)

Writer/Pencils: Frank Strom Colors: Frank Gagliardo

All right, who's ready for another installment in the life of everyone's favorite character, Monkey Khan? Just in case no one's picked up on it yet, every time Frank Strom gets to be in charge of plot we jump right back to The Many Adventures of Monkey Khan - I guess since he created the character he's quite attached to him, after all. We jump back to ten years ago (well, the text says ten years ago, but considering that we open with Julian Robotnik pleasantly discussing his scientific endeavors with a very much unimprisoned King Max, before he even got his hands on the original roboticizer, it has to be more like twelve). Julian, irritated after Snively accuses him of sucking up too much to the king, decided that he needs some live test subjects for his experiments on cybernetics. Worried about attracting obvious attention if he started kidnapping local citizens, he instead decided to go after a village on the other side of the world, at the very fringes of the kingdom.

Cut to the peaceful village of Leung West, which you might recognize as sharing half its name with Leung Kar from Sonic Super Special #8. This is where some canon details get extremely fuzzy, so I'll try to detangle the mess for you as best I can. The original village from the Super Special was called Lau Kar or Leung Kar interchangeably. Now we have Leung West, which was presided over by the village leader Lau Khan, both names of which seem to suggest a connection to said village. However, later in this same issue it's claimed that Monkey Khan's ancestral village is called Kar Leung, which is literally just Leung Kar with the two halves of the name swapped around. Despite the obvious connection between the two names, Ian Flynn later on apparently stated he considers the two villages to be separate, just having coincidentally similar names. I'm not sure how easily I buy this, considering the circumstances, but eh, whatever, if anything it just comes down to a minor inconsistency in canon that's easily overlooked. Moving on! Lau Khan was Ken Khan's father - yes, that's right, Monkey Khan's given name is actually Ken, and for whatever reason he and his father don't seem to follow the trend of family name first, given name last that the other inhabitants of Not-Asia all have. Lau Khan was disappointed to find Ken roughhousing with the other kids his age, and scolded him for acting like, you know, a normal kid (or teen? It's not made clear what his age is, but he's clearly not a little kid at least), because their village was completely pacifistic.

This is a brilliant time to do the I-told-you-so song, Ken! Julian quickly rounded up everyone in the village and began experimenting on them, with the end result being the death of literally all his test subjects except for Ken the only one whose body was strong enough to survive becoming a cyborg. Julian decided to test his new pet on a group of Overlanders nearby, and Ken easily wiped the floor with them singlehandedly. Julian was of course very pleased, but as he started talking about what he planned to test him out on next Ken turned and vehemently refused, saying he would never work for Julian after he killed all his friends and family, which kind of completely ignores the fact that he was literally just attacking a group of Overlanders on his order two seconds ago. Julian, disappointed, declared his project a failure, zapped Ken unconscious, and sealed him away in a capsule, which, as we know, was found years later by chance by Sally while on a mission of her own.

Oh, well, that's probably good! I know I definitely enjoy waking up strapped to a table in the base of my mortal enemy whom I previously believed to be dead. I find it a little odd that Eggman seems to "remember" Ken, considering he's not even the same entity that originally experimented on him, but it's entirely probably that Eggman does in fact know a version of him, as it's stated that the zone he originally came from was very similar in most respects to Mobius Prime, with the main difference being his eventual self-roboticization. What's perhaps more strange is that Ken recognizes Eggman, since he looks so different from Robotnik, but eh - big stupid mustache, robotic servants, and evil demeanor will give a villain away, I suppose.

[jomalley-ferrisbueller-final]

A Closer Look at Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (John Hughes, 1986)

The 1980s was the time of the teen film, with a number of iconic teen films coming out during that decade. One that has become a staple of the classic teen film is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (John Hughes, 1986). Ferris’ legendary day off has become a dream for teens then and now still being quoted today within the halls of high schools around the country.

Bueller didn’t hit the big screen in the summer of 1986 without its fair share of long and tedious production issues. Director John Hughes took a lot of his inspiration from his own life growing up. Raised in Chicago, this city becomes the setting for a majority of his films. In fact, there are even websites that pinpoint exact locations all throughout Illinois where Hughes shot classic movies such as Bueller, The Breakfast Club (John Hughes, 1985), and Home Alone (John Hughes, 1990). Looking at Buller specifically, a lot of aspects of the film reflect John Hughes. Ferris’s bedroom is created to look very similar to how Hughes’ room looked when he was a teenager, scenes for the film were shot in the hallways of his former high school, Glenbrook North and the character Ferris Bueller is actually based one of Hughes’ friends from his childhood with the same name. Edward McNally, a childhood friend of Hughes wrote an article for The Washington Post honoring the late director. As far as being named “the inspiration” for Bueller he is quoted as saying:

“…for years I was relentlessly pursued by a remarkably humorless Glenbrook dean about attendance, pranks and off-campus excursions -- and because my best friend was in fact named Buehler -- I've spent an inordinate amount of my life being unfairly accused of serving among the inspirations for Ferris Bueller.”

Looking at the production of the film, there were many different things that went into its creation. It only took three months to shoot the film between September 9, 1985, and November 22, 1985 which might not seem like a lot compared to how long shows or movies take to shoot today, but since a lot of their filming locations existed within miles of each other it was pretty easy to get everything shot in a short time. During the filming, John Hughes took some inspiration from Ferris on his impressive way to get the impossible done. The parade scene was shot during Chicago’s annual Von Steuben Day Parade. The float that Ferris is on was actually created for the film and was put in the parade route without the parade officials being aware of what was going on. With there being a real parade Hughes was able to get genuine footage of thousands of people enjoying a beautiful day in Chicago. When they needed to shoot more of the parade scene a week later, around 10,000 people showed up for the filming answering the call made on radio stations for extras to appear in a John Hughes film. In this scene, Ferris is featured lip-syncing the famous Beatles song “Twist and Shout” which came with its own set of issues. Paul McCarthy did not like the fact that Hughes had added the brass element to the song to make it seem as though the band was playing it at the parade. When John Hughes insisted on the Beatles song be used in the film, they ended up having to pay EMI $100,000 for the rights and allowance to change the song. While Hughes was adamant about some of the production decisions, they all proved successful in skyrocketing the film to one of the most fondly remembered films today.

The marketing for the film was very straight forward. There were a couple of articles written about the film in both the Daily News and well as The New York Times talking about the movie, giving an unbiased explanation of the film to promote it. There were also several 30-second commercials giving hints at Ferris’ crazy day off. Appealing to the teen audiences that Hughes is trying to relate to, the announcer narrates over scenes of the film saying, “it’s about life, it’s about liberty, it’s about the pursuit of recreation”. This phrasing attracts teenagers to the film because that is what they are looking for – freedom from the norm. 

Looking at the posters for the film it features many different slogans such as “One man’s struggle to take it easy”, “Because life is too beautiful a thing to waste”, “Leisure rules”, “While the rest of us were just thinking about it…Ferris borrowed a Ferrari and did it…all in a day”. Similar to the commercials, these phrases draw the teenager in because that type of thinking is really appealing to them. 

A teenager stuck in the rut of high school wants nothing more than to skip school and live out an amazing day with their best friends. This mentality is what brought teens to the theaters to live through Ferris.

The summer of 1986 saw a lot of hit films. Buller had some tough competition seeing films such as Top Gun (Tony Scott, 1986), Aliens (James Cameron, 1986), Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (Leonard Nimoy, 1986), and The Karate Kid Part II (John Avildsen, 1986) all hitting theaters in 1986. In the United States and Worldwide Box offices, Bueller placed in the top 10 of both lists sitting in the number 10 spot for all 1986 films. The budget for the film was an estimated $6,000,000 and not only broke even but made money-generating $6,275,647 during their opening weekend of June 15, 1986. Bueller, made nearly all of its money from domestic box offices bringing it $70,136,369 and only $1,469 in international box offices. Looking at the reception of the film it is easy to see how it was in the top 10 films of 1986.

Roger Ebert was one of the top movie reviewers of his time up until his death in 2013 after losing an eleven-year battle with cancer. Writing reviews for The Chicago Sun-Times for over 40 years, he became the first film critic to receive a Pulitzer Prize in Criticism. In 1986 he gave a review of Bueller and is quoted as saying “Here is one of the most innocent movies in a long time, a sweet, warm-hearted comedy about a teenager who skips school so he can help his best friend win some self-respect.” He talks about the plot of the film and ends his review by saying “…the film's heart is in the right place, and "Ferris Bueller" is slight, whimsical and sweet.” With Ebert’s review coming out on June 11, 1986, it’s easy to see that Bueller won over the hearts of teens and adults alike wishing that they were able to have a day off like Ferris did.

The non-critical reviews of this film are all pretty similar, it is regarded as a film of the generation that holds against the test of time. On Rotten Tomatoes, of the 728,405 user ratings, the average audience score is a high 92%. One “super reviewer”, Brendan N. is quoted as saying

“Classic cult film and a must-see for all generations. John Hughes created a lot of the teenage angst or coming of age films in the 80s and Ferris was quite possibly his greatest creation. Watching this on the big screen last night was a dream come true but having a film like this remaining so timeless does not hurt. The film is full of heart and the charm of Matthew Broderick is what elevates this from becoming just your average teenage comedy. I wish they would make more fun and creative films like this; no one tackles such a fun concept without falling into clichés and crude jokes. John Hughes created something truly special here. 12/11/2018.”

Since its release in 1986, Bueller, has remained a pivotal teen film for multiple generations. In 2016, Bueller turned 30 years old and Chicago celebrated the only way they knew how to: with a Ferris Fest. People were able to visit his heavily decorated bedroom, recreate the scene where Ferris pretends to be Sloan’s father picking her up from school, and of course a recreation of the famous parade scene featuring Twist and Shout. While this is more of a high scale remembrance of the 1986 film, you can see other companies paying homage to Bueller. During the 2017 Superbowl, Dominos aired a commercial where they recreated the infamous scene of Ferris racing home to get there before his parents find out he skipped school. Stranger Things (Matt Duffer, Ross Duffer, 2016—) actor Joe Keery plays Ferris but this time he is racing home because his Domino’s pizza tracker just sent a notification to his smartwatch informing him that his pizza is about to arrive. When asked about the commercial the executive vice president of creative direction at CP&B said "This being an iconic movie we knew we had to pay homage to it and not deviate, not change it and put our own kind of spin on it outside of using Joe Keery and maybe making it a modern adaptation,".

Below you can see the original scene and then Joe Keery version. 

It can be agreed that this film has been relevant way past its release date. But why is that? Frances Smith looks to understand teen films as a whole and why they become so iconic. In her book Rethinking the Hollywood Teen Movie: Gender, Genre, and Identity, she explores this question and more. In Easy A (Will Gluck, 2010), the main character Olivia (Emma Stone) struggles to identify with the “hook up culture” happening around her within the high school hallways. She looks to the eighties to fantasize about a better life. 

Whatever happened to chivalry? Did it only exist in Eighties movies? I want John Cusack holding a boom-box outside my window. I want to ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist in the air because he knows he got me just once. I want my life to be like an eighties movie.” (138-139) 

To this Smith says:

This voiceover and the corresponding images reference Say Anything (Cameron Crowe, 1989), Can’t Buy Me Love (Steve Rash, 1987), Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, which is presented for its musical number. With the exception of Sixteen Candles, all of these films center on male characters who, though cheeky, are portrayed as sexually innocent. The gestures to which Olive refers are particularly telling. Having her life ‘directed by John Hughes’ appears to involve her engaging in ostentatious courtship rituals in which the female partner is the grateful recipient of male affection, however dubious the circumstances in which it is bestowed.

Olivia dreams of having the production that teen heartthrobs would perform for their love interests. This is one reason that Bueller has remained so relevant today. No matter how the culture changes, everyone wants someone who would be willing to show the world how much they love them.

Another reason that this film has remained so relevant today is because of the underlying theme within the film is something that will never go away. The drive to find yourself and get out of your small town to explore is something that will always be a shared feeling among teenagers. In Kimberly M. Miller’s Clueless Times at the Ferris Bueller Club: A Critical Analysis of the Directional Works of Amy Heckerling and John Hughes she says 

A fine example can be found in the response to the film Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, which received criticism for being too similar to Risky Business (Paul Brickman, 1983), as well as “lacking in irony,”10 and yet Ferris has become ingrained in the popular culture—even being ranked number ten on Entertainment Weekly’s “Fifty Best High School Movies” list (2012),11 in addition to being quoted by teens who see Ferris as a role model of “cool” despite the nearly thirty years that have passed since he took his day off.

Teens idolize him for doing what they have always wanted to do so they are able to live through him and his amazing day off.

Overall, Hughes has delivered a number of teen films that lasted well past their release date and will continue to be relatable in the future. Bueller is the perfect example of this because its underlying themes will never go out of style. Everyone wants to be a “righteous dude” and live their lives with the carefree regard for the rules that Ferris showed us back in 1986.

[katastroficwriter]

oyés if you’re still taking requests for the holidays howsabout just,,, kiibo learning about holiday traditions and customs from ouma??? also a side of forehead kisses™ because those,, make me Y E L L

All I’m saying is, you totally don’t deserve this update Monica. Geez. You better upload Tuning In’s second chapter or I won’t update KYKM

Kiibo and Ouma had accidentally spent the whole afternoon playing with the children at the orphanage, much to the caretakers and children’s delight. However, even fun and games must come to an end. They had to return to Hope’s Peak before it gets too dark after all. Ouma stopped walking as soon as they entered the dormitory area.

“It seems we got caught in a bind.”

“Huh?” Kiibo paused in his tracks and looked at his companion in confusion. “I don’t understand–”

Ouma sighed, shaking his head before pointing upwards. “Look up, Kiiboy.”

“Oh. A mistletoe,” Kiibo tilted his head. “I don’t see the issue, Ouma-kun.”

“God, how sheltered do you have to be to not even know what’s the deal with mistletoes?” the supreme leader clicked his tongue.

Kiibo frowned, “I do know about the tradition of kissing underneath one! But what I don’t understand is the need to comply. No one’s going to strong-arm us into performing such intimacies–especially if there’s no one around to do so.”

“Oh, you definitely don’t understand how serious this situation is right now, Kiiboy. It’s not the people who you should be worried about, but the mistletoe itself,” Ouma looked up at the greenery hanging above them before shifting his attention back to his mechanical companion.

“Why is that?”

“Because we just got ourselves cursed right now is why,” Kiibo had to blink a couple of times to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating when he saw the supreme leader’s hair turn white and his skin pitch black for a split second. It turns out he really was just seeing things when he saw Ouma in his usual color palette.

The android’s brows furrowed upon processing the supreme leader’s words. “Cursed?”

“Mhm! While it’s true that we don’t have to kiss under it, that only applies on regular days. Things are different if you got caught underneath it on Christmas Day–that’s when the curse takes effect.” Ouma raised his index finger, wagging it a little as he spoke. “Refusing to kiss while the curse is in effect would give us bad luck enough to last us a lifetime. And for a robot like you? You won’t like that at all since you’re practically immortal as long as you play your cards right.”

“Guhhh…That certainly sounds troubling…” Kiibo crossed his arms as he thought. “Well? How do we lift this curse?”

“With a whole lot of kissing, obviously,” the supreme leader nodded his head in the direction of the mistletoe. “See those white berries? Those are what gives the curse power. After every kiss, we can pluck one out. All we have to do is kiss until all the berries are gone–the mistletoe loses its power then.”

Kiibo eyed the shrub, his cheeks took on the color of the red poinsettias he found displayed on the dining hall earlier this morning upon spotting that there were in fact far too many berries than he had expected to see. “Do we really need to get rid of all of them?” he looked at his companion with hope in his eyes.

“Yes. Aaaaaaaall of them!”

And Ouma was quick to plunge the android into despair.

Kiibo grabbed at his head, confused, unsure, nervous at the idea of kissing his classmate multiple times just to undo a curse that may or may not be fabricated by the latter just to tease him.

Ouma huffed out a laugh, “You’re worrying too much, Kiiboy. We don’t have to kiss on the lips for every single berry, you know! That would be boring. A kiss anywhere will suffice.”

“R-really?” Kiibo nervously pressed his fingers together.

“Yeah! Besides, I have no interest in sucking face with someone who has gasoline breath–”

“It seems not even Christmas can sway you from your robophobia…” Kiibo mumbled under his breath.

“Of course not!” snorted Ouma. “Anyway, we better take this mistletoe down and undo the curse somewhere the others won’t see us.”

The android saw the logic in that and nodded his acquiescence. “I’ll go fetch a ladder from the warehouse–”

“No need to bother with that,” the raven-haired Ultimate waved him off as he began climbing up the stairs in the dormitory.

“How else would we be able to take the mistletoe down?” Kiibo quirked a brow, freezing upon realizing something. “…Y-you’re not going to ask me to fly, are you? I’ve told you before that I do not have such function!”

“Don’t be silly, I already know how useless you can be,” Ouma halted in his steps as soon as he was on the second floor, ignoring the android’s noise of protest. “All we need is some faith, trust, and a really cool slingshot!” He grinned as he brandished a slingshot out of his pocket.

“Did you have that in your pocket this whole time?” Kiibo huffed.

“Nah, the kids gave it to me as a present,” Ouma smiled, tugging on the rubber band to test its quality. “It’s a really good one too.”

“Are you seriously planning to use a slingshot to shoot it down?” Kiibo directed his attention to the mistletoe above him.

Ouma let out an offended gasp. “You wound me! I’ll have you know that I have a track record of breaking windows with the precision of a sniper using slingshots!”

“Please don’t break windows intentionally using the gift the children gave you…” mumbled the android.

The raven-haired teen responded by sticking out his tongue before taking his aim. “Anyway, what I mean is I’m a good shot. All you have to do is stand there and catch the thing. Surely even you can do something as simple as that.”

Kiibo let out a sigh before nodding, “Alright. I’ll be sure to catch it.”

“You better!” Ouma huffed before holding his breath to keep his aim steady and true. Once he was ready, he let go of the marble and watched it collide with the mistletoe–leading to its literal downfall, with utter satisfaction. He redirected his attention towards his companion after hearing him wince–probably from the marble falling on his head as he struggled to catch the plant.

Kiibo rubbed his head before picking up the marble to prevent any unfortunate falls. “…That was impressive.”

“Why, thank you!” Ouma proudly did a curtsy with his uniform top. “Now get up here, we got some kissing to do!”

“P-please don’t phrase it that way,” Kiibo’s cheeks heated up as he was reminded of their true task.

“Huuuh? How else do you want me to phrase it? That’s as honest as I’ll ever allow myself to be,” Ouma slipped the slingshot back inside his pocket before sauntering his way towards the robot’s room, giving the door two knocks before flashing an expectant look at the android.

He was already used to the supreme leader’s utter disapproval of having anyone enter his room. They first assumed that Ouma was using it to store illegal goods, but after constantly being placed under the mercy of the shorter Ultimate, Kiibo deduced that he was just ashamed to let everyone enter such a cluttered room. Although Ouma still persists on telling everyone that their prior assumption was the truth.

“Now we need some place to hang this above us, but low enough for us to reach he berries,” Ouma hummed.

“Can’t we just hold it above our heads?” Kiibo murmured. “And before you complain about tiring your arms, the same does not apply to me. I can hold it above us without getting tired.”

“Oh? What’s this? Finally coming to your robo-senses?” Ouma’s eyes sparkled, bouncing on his place on Kiibo’s mostly unused bed. “Kiiboy’s finally embracing his robo-self! I’m so happy!”

“Stop unnecessarily prefixing words with ‘robo,’ also, this is the only option that fit your description,” huffed Kiibo.

“Well, as long as I don’t have to do anything else then it’s fine by me,” Ouma grinned, patting the free space beside him. “Hurry so we can get this over with!”

Kiibo found himself gulping nervously, despite not needing to do such action due to his robotic nature. “Perhaps we should count the berries first so we can estimate how many kisses we need.”

“Mm? I guess that’s not a bad idea. You do it, I believe in your bean-counting skills!” the supreme leader leaned back on his arms, looking at the android with interest. “Just don’t run out of battery power as soon as you finish.”

“Enough with your mocking,” frowned the robot, slightly moving away from his companion to count the snow-white berries. “…Nineteen.”

Ouma clicked his tongue. “So only one of us gets to have an extra kiss in, huh.”

“You sound awfully disappointed for someone determined to lift the curse,” Kiibo narrowed his eyes at the supreme leader. He wasn’t really too sure if Ouma’s claims were true. He never really wondered about the Christmas tradition back then considering his father never really hung up mistletoes or pretend to be Santa for him since the professor was just a simple and honest man. He should consult Shinguuji about this supposed curse as soon as they finish this task.

“Non, non, it’s not that I wanted this at all! But even if it’s a cruddy situation, you might as well make the most of it, riiiight?” Ouma playfully tilted his head to the side. “Anyway, let’s settle who does the smooching first with rock, paper, scissors.”

Kiibo blinked, eyeing the other Ultimate’s closed fist before lifting his own. “Fair enough.”

“Rock! Paper! Scissors!”

“Wha–No way! I actually lost?!” Ouma’s eyes widened in shock. He threw out paper while Kiibo threw out scissors. “Aww man this sucks. Why do you get to have an extra kiss…?”

“You really sound disappointed about this,” Kiibo eyed the other in suspicion. ‘For a moment, it looked like he was going to throw out rock… What is he doing? Sabotaging himself like this…’

“I already told you, you have gasoline breath!” Ouma frowned, aggressively wagging a finger at the android. “If I could skip out on one extra kiss from you then I would.”

Kiibo heaved out a heavy sigh.

“Ouma-kun, mind clarifying something for me?”

“Mm? What is it?”

Aquamarine lenses met deep amethyst orbs.

“Does it really have to be me? Is it perhaps possible to have a third person undo the curse for us?”

Ouma tilted his head to the side. “What made you ask that question?”

The android straightened his posture, clasping his hands above his lap. “…So far you’ve done nothing but spew robophobic remarks my way; not to mention, you have repeatedly expressed your reluctance to do this with me. I was merely wondering if it were possible to have an uninterested person undo the curse instead so you’d have someone you actually prefer kiss you instead.”

He could feel the raven-haired Ultimate scrutinize him with a heavy gaze.

“…Unfortunately, it has to be you,” Ouma smiled.

…He’s smiling? What’s with that?

Kiibo looked at his lap, “I see. Unfortunately, huh. I understand.”

“Aww, don’t be sad, Kiiboy~!” Ouma grabbed the android by his shoulders and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “You can use this chance to do something useful for both of us. That should be rewarding enough. Kisses from me aren’t cheap either, you know!”

“O-Ouma-kun, y-you–!” Kiibo’s face was flushed red.

“Mm? Ohhh. Whoopsie~” the supreme leader leaned back. “That one was invalid, the mistletoe wasn’t above us. We wasted a kiss, darn!”

Despite how flustered he was at that moment, Kiibo found himself narrowing his eyes at the other teen. ‘That was definitely on purpose! …On…purpose? Hold on…’

“Earth to Kiibo!” Ouma poked the android on his forehead. “Raise the mistletoe next time, we’re supposed to get rid of the curse after all.”

Kiibo pursed his lips before nodding. ‘If he’s going to act like this, then two can play at this game.’

The android slowly raised the shrub above him, “Alright. Come closer, please.”

“Aye, aye~” The supreme leader scooched closer to the albino, regarding the latter with an expectant look as soon as he was close enough. “Well?”

Kiibo raised his left hand and cupped the other teen’s cheek, brushing away the hair framing his face. His face felt really soft to the touch, and it was warmer than he had expected. Although Ouma was wearing an empty smile, Kiibo could feel him tense under his touch. He wasn’t the only one nervous about this situation–that’s a relief. “Excuse me–”

“Just go for it, dummy!”

Replicating what the supreme leader had done for him earlier, he pressed a chaste kiss on Ouma’s left cheek. He dropped the hand that was cupping his classmate’s face as he pulled away. One.

“Where do we place the berries? From what I know, mistletoe berries are rather poisonous, correct?”

“…Yeah,” Ouma looked around the room for anything they can use. “You could use the trash bin I guess, it looks empty. You can throw the whole thing in it once we’re through, actually.”

“Okay,” Kiibo plucked a berry from the plant and walked towards the trash bin. He carried the trash bin with his free hand and placed it next to his bed. “Give me a moment, I’ll go wash my hands.”

Ouma simply waved him away, a bored expression taking over his face. Once the android disappeared into his bathroom, the supreme leader kicked his shoes off before shifting into a more comfortable position on the bed and hugged his knees to his chest. He closed his eyes, recounting how the robot’s hand held his face so gently despite his build of steel. Nineteen kisses just for him. This is the Christmas present he’s prepared for himself. Regardless of whether the curse was true or false, it shouldn’t reduce the value of the kisses at all.

He flinched a little when he felt the very hands he’s been thinking of gently shake him by his shoulder. The soft voice he’s learned to love in secret was so, so, very close. “Ouma-kun? Are you feeling ill?”

Ouma lifted his head, making a show of rubbing his eyes as he let out an overly dramatized yawn. “Man, you took forever in there. What were you doing? Were you having fun with yourself just after one kiss?”

“Keep your vulgar thoughts to yourself, please.” Kiibo let out a huff as he returned to his place on the bed. “I was making sure I washed my hands thoroughly. I didn’t want you to get sick simply because I decided against washing my hands.”

“How thoughtful of you~ But anyway, it’s back to curse breaking for us,” Ouma flashed the android a mischievous smile as he passed the mistletoe to the latter. “My turn, of course.”

Kiibo lifted a brow when Ouma had grabbed a hold of his free hand, aquamarine lenses widened as soon as he realized what the supreme leader intended to do.

“Mmm-mm! It’s all nice and clean, just like you said,” the shorter teen nodded with approval. He then raised Kiibo’s hand to his lips, making sure to maintain eye contact as he pressed a kiss on the robot’s hand. Two.

It was satisfying to watch the robot trying but ultimately failing to keep his feelings hidden. He’s such an open book to him–which is precisely why Ouma felt safe. Safe to slowly but surely bare his more vulnerable self to the android. Ouma reached upwards to pluck a berry and dropped it into the trash bin. “Your turn.”

Kiibo blinked a couple of times before the words registered in his mind. “A-ah, yes, of course.” His face was still a little red from the kiss earlier. Kind of odd since it was just a hand kiss.

The android simply kissed him on his other cheek. Three.

And so Ouma retaliated with an equally boring kiss on his fingers. Four.

Ouma’s hand. Five.

Kiibo’s cheek. Six.

Ouma’s fingers. Seven.

The other cheek. Eight.

Ouma was starting to get bored of the exchange. Even if every kiss from the android still made his heart flutter, the fact that it was starting to resemble a Kissing Bingo made it a little…. He froze in place when he felt surprisingly warm lips linger on his forehead. Nine. Perfect. Because he felt like he was at cloud nine at the moment and by God, he’s not descending any time soon.

“Ouma-kun? It’s your turn.”

“I know already.”

As though to return the favor, Ouma mimicked the android’s kiss. Ten. They were making quick work of the mistletoe berries, and consequently, they were running out of places to kiss. Kiibo knew this too, and that’s why he’s become increasingly nervous as more and more berries got plucked out of the mistletoe. No one said they couldn’t kiss the same place twice, and yet it seemed like there existed an unspoken rule which said otherwise. Ouma tapped an ear with a knowing look, to which he was responded with a nervous look and eventually, a nod.

“E-excuse me…” Kiibo whispered as he invaded the supreme leader’s personal bubble for the umpteenth time that evening.

“Just get it over with.” Ouma rolled his eyes, pushing his hair behind an ear to give the android easier access.

Kiibo took a deep breath before going for the kiss. Eleven. He was astonished to find that Ouma’s ears had flushed red from the contact, and yet the supreme leader’s face remained blank.… Interesting.

“Hey, Kiiboy.”

“Yes?”

“Close your eyes for a moment, will you?” Ouma tilted his head.

Unable to discern his companion’s intentions, Kiibo silently complied. He tensed a little when he felt the other boy’s hands on his shoulders–to support himself most-likely. His eyelids twitched a little when he felt the other’s lips ghost against them. And there it was, the Twelfth kiss that sent tiny sparks through his entire circuitry. ‘What was that…?’

“Ah–!” Kiibo’s arms flailed around as he fell back against his bed. Using his elbows to prop himself up, he sent the other Ultimate an indignant glare. “W-what was that for?”

Ouma pressed a finger against his lips, “You looked like you were dreaming, so I decided to bring you back to the real world. Get up Kiiboy, we only have seven kisses left.”

“A-alright,” Kiibo returned to his previously upright position and hesitantly wrapped an arm over the supreme leader’s shoulder. He guided the latter’s head a little downwards so he could press a kiss on the crown of his head. Thirteen.

“Hoho, how daring of you. I guess I better step up my game then. No way I’m losing to a robot!” Ouma smirked once the deed was done.

“Lose? This isn’t a competi–” Before the android could even finish his sentence, the supreme leader had already slipped his trademark checker-patterned scarf off of his shoulders with one swift tug, revealing the creamy white expanse that is Ouma’s neck. The novelty of such a view had rendered him utterly speechless.

“Take a picture, it lasts longer,” Ouma regarded the albino with a smug grin as he discarded over his shoulder.

“…I don’t understand. It’s your turn, isn’t it?” Kiibo mumbled his query, eyes darting elsewhere. Somehow it felt wrong eyeing the supreme leader’s rarely exposed neck.

“I can’t exactly step up my game on my turn, you know? You don’t really have that many places for me to kiss,” the supreme leader pouted. “Now turn around for me.”

Kiibo complied without protest, considering it would mean he wouldn’t have to look at the supreme leader’s newly exposed collar, unintentional or not. He raised the mistletoe above them once more, tensing when he felt Ouma’s run his hands down his back before feeling the other teen’s chest pressed against him. Kiibo closed his eyes shut, hoping that the supreme leader wouldn’t take note of the emergency button located on his nape. ‘He’s…he’s too close!’

While the robot was busy panicking, Ouma smiled with amusement as he pressed his lips against the plating on the albino’s back, right where his spine would have been. Fourteen. Despite the robot’s reddening face, the plating on his back remained pleasantly cool to the touch. He gently pushed himself away from the android, taking note of his completely stiff posture.

‘Now…will he take the bait or will he swoop in for the kill?’ Ouma ran a thumb across his lips as he smiled to himself.

“…A-any kind of kiss would suffice, right?”

“Hm?”

Kiibo shifted in his seat a little before shyly looking over his shoulder–his collars were already covering his lower face. “As long as it’s a ‘kiss’ then it would suffice right? Anything goes?”

Ouma leaned back on his hands, “Yeah. A kiss is a kiss. Just don’t forget the mistletoe and we’re good.”

The android was now facing him completely, still flustered from the previous kiss. “A-alright.” He lifted the mistletoe above his head, silently beckoning the supreme leader towards him. What Ouma didn’t expect was to happen as soon as he got close was to have Kiibo lean downwards, closing his eyes ever so slowly.

‘W-wait–! Is he for real?!’ Ouma panicked–he wanted to move away, but he couldn’t seem to move a muscle. ‘H-he’s actually…going for it?’ He found his own eyes fluttering shut, already surrendering himself to the inevitable.

…Except the inevitable didn’t happen. By the time Ouma had opened his eyes, the albino had already pulled away. Fifteen. “What was that?”

Kiibo pressed his fingers together, “…It was a bunny kiss.”

‘No shit it was. There’s a huge difference between getting kissed on the lips and having someone rub their nose against yours,’ Ouma groused internally.

“A-anyway…it’s your turn again,” Kiibo shyly scratched his cheek as he spoke. “We only need four left.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know how to count, Kiiboy.” the supreme leader huffed, gesturing for the mistletoe. “Still, that was pretty childish of you–resorting to a bunny kiss of all things. That barely counted as a kiss!”

“Wha–you were the one who told me that a kiss was a kiss!” the android frowned, almost failing to notice the fact that the shorter male had already leaned down to kiss the symbol located on his left collar. Sixteen.

“Are you deaf? I said it barely counted as one! Meaning, it’s teetering between the lines of not being a kiss and actually qualifying as a kiss.” Ouma made a show of flicking out dirt from his nails. “You better come up with something more flashy for this turn to make up for–”

The supreme leader couldn’t even finish his sentence. As soon as he gathered his bearings, he realized that his back was flat against the bed with two metallic hands placed against his chest to keep him in place. “Ohhh?”

“…I don’t know what it is you want from me. I’ve done everything all according to your instructions, haven’t I?” Kiibo mumbled. “…And now you’re telling me I have to ‘make it up to you’ when I am positive that I did not violate any of your terms? Do none of my actions mean anything to you, Ouma-kun?”

Ouma’s eyes widened a little, taking in the android’s shaking voice, his quivering lips and his watering lenses. ‘…That’s not it at all…you got it all wrong, you stupid robot…’

“Never mind. You don’t have to answer that.” Kiibo adjusted his position above the supreme leader so as not to crush the latter. “…Let’s just finish this so we can be rid of each other.”

Cool metal fingers slowly made its way up the supreme leader’s jawline, guiding the latter’s head to the side to expose more of his neck. Instead of the flustered demeanor which he had been nursing earlier, Kiibo’s face was now tinged with melancholia as he held up the mistletoe with his free hand. Ouma tensed as their bodies slowly came into close contact, with Kiibo’s lips only a hair’s breadth away from his neck. His oh so sensitive neck.

“K-Kiiboy–”

“…Is something the matter?”

Prompting the android to speak while he was practically right next to his ear was a big mistake. Kiibo’s gentle voice practically echoed directly inside his headspace and eventually burying itself deep into his psyche–rendering him speechless.

“…Since there’s nothing wrong, I shall resume.” Kiibo pressed his warm lips against the side of the other boy’s neck, sending figurative sparks straight down his jugular.

Ouma squeezed his eyes shut, willing his urge to push the android away to disappear. If this goes on for any longer, his heart would have burst out of his chest and all of the feelings he had intended to keep would leak out of the mangled organ. He can’t afford to show his hands too early, not when he’s still not sure of where they exactly stood in their odd relationship. Or…if he had a chance for that matter.

He found himself melting into the sheets as soon as the android pulled away from him, he gritted his teeth in a desperate attempt to silence his heart.

Kiibo still looked upset from their earlier conversation, but his cheeks are now dusted with light pink. “Well…?”

Ouma slightly lifted his head, still a little too weak to make his limbs function accordingly. “Eh. It was passable. I don’t have any complaints this time. Isn’t that great, Kiiboy~?”

“Don’t patronize me,” the android huffed as he tossed another berry in the trash bin. The seventeenth berry.

“How rude! Just when I finally decided to praise you a little,” Ouma clicked his tongue, shaking his head a little before moving to sit in a more upright position. “Anyway, two more left. Let’s do this.” He flung his arms over the android’s shoulders, standing on his knees to keep himself nice and steady.

“Alri–what are you doing–?”

“It’s my turn! I’m free to do what I want~” Ouma said in a sing-song manner, guiding the robot’s hand to hold the mistletoe over their heads. That unspoken rule. He’s going to break it. “Pay closer attention to me, okay?”

Somehow…the way the supreme leader’s eyes glistened in the modest lighting of his room sent chills down his spine. It wasn’t like his usual smiling poker face. His intentions remained a mystery, however his eyes carried emotion. An emotion he couldn’t name at this point in time.

Kiibo’s eyes widened at the sensation of the supreme leader’s lips against his forehead once more. His confusion only grew as the raven-haired Ultimate pulled back with such a pure smile.

“Two,” Ouma still didn’t release the robot from his hold, opting to lean right back in instead, ghosting his lips against the robot’s very own. “And with this final kiss…the curse shall be lifted.”

“Ou–”

Ouma’s lips–as Kiibo had come to discover, was chapped and a little rough against his own, most-likely from the cold. Regardless of the roughness, the kiss was somehow pleasantly slow and had already long since surpassed the realm of being chaste. What surprised him even more was the fact that he found himself wrapping his arms around the shorter Ultimate.

One. Two. Three. Four–

Their lips have met each other again and again, not noticing the fact that the mistletoe had already slipped out of the android’s grasp. By the time they had come to their senses, the sheets were already in disarray and the supreme leader was laying atop the other unabashedly.

“Whoopsie~ Those sure were a lot of invalid kisses, huh! You should have told me!” no matter how cheeky and unserious Ouma sounded, his flustered cheeks belied his words. “Anyway, since the curse is lifted, I’ll be on my way now~”

Ouma hastily put on his shoes disguised as efficiency before tossing the entire mistletoe in the trash bin. “I’ll be out of your hair now. Since you were so eager to get rid of me. Ta-ta~”

“O-Ouma-kun, wait–!”

BANG!

The door had already slam shut by the time he got out of the bed.

Kiibo released a defeated sigh as he slowly dropped to his feet, burying his awfully warm face into his pleasantly cool hands in the hopes of lowering his temperature to a more stable degree. This proved to be futile as he foolishly decided that reviewing his memories of the kiss would be a good idea in this kind of situation. It only served to make his face grow hotter, as the sensation of the kisses had imprinted inself in his thoughts not similar to his usual manner of remembering information.

“I…have a number of things to re-evaluate…” he mumbled to himself as he buried his head in his knees. “A number of…things.”

Bonus: “Yes, plucking the berries of the mistletoe after a kiss has in fact been practiced dated back in the 18th century, commonly practiced by British servants.” Shinguuji responded without breaking a sweat–truly he was deserving of his title.

“I see…” Kiibo nodded along. “Were there any curses involved?”

“Curses?” Shinguuji regarded the android with mild surprise. “While it’s been said that refusing a kiss under the mistletoe would bring forth misfortune, there were no records of curses based on the mistletoe.”

Kiibo combed a hand through his hair, already expecting such a result. “…Thank you, Shinguuji-kun.”

“You look red. Are you perhaps overheating?” the taller Ultimate tilted his head as he shut his book closed, offering the artificial human his undivided attention.

“I’m fine. I truly appreciate your concern and for allowing me to take up much of your time. I have some plans for the rest of the day, and I must be off now.” Kiibo raised placating hands as he slowly backed away from his classmate.

“Mmm…I see. Very well then.”

“See you later–!” Kiibo bowed before exiting the Ultimate Anthropologist’s Lab with a single objective in mind.

‘I need to find Ouma-kun…!’

[micropenisunveiled-blog]

Is My Penis Too Small?

Jan. 19, 2012 -- Is my penis too small? That's a question that men aren't likely to ask their friends or sex partners.  But behind the closed doors of a doctor's examining room, it's a common question.  Pediatric urologist Lane S. Palmer, MD, chief of pediatric urology at Cohen Children's Medical Center, New Hyde Park, N.Y., hears it a lot.

"Fathers often will ask it about their sons -- and, while in the office, will ask about themselves," Palmer tells WebMD.

Men worried about their penis size usually have some other excuse for seeing a doctor, says Bruce R. Gilbert, MD, PhD, director of reproductive and sexual medicine at the Smith Institute for Urology in Lake Success, N.Y.  "When they come in for something else, they ask, 'Oh, by the way, I am concerned about the length of my penis,'" Gilbert tells WebMD. "Most are men in the 20-to-40 age group. But some are aged 40 to 50, and some even older men ask."

The vast majority of these men are in for a surprise. Worry about small penis size is common. Abnormally small penis size is not.

Penis Size: What's Normal, What's Not

You might think that as long a man's penis works, he would have no problem with it. You would be wrong.  Penis size is a key element of a man's self-image. Yet when he's not boasting to other men, the average man significantly underestimates the relative size of his penis.

Here's an example: Over a two-year period, 67 men asked an Italian hospital for surgical correction of a small penis. All turned out to have normal-size penises.

"A few days ago, I had a patient who spent an hour taking measurements of his penis and thinking it is too small," Gilbert says. "Yet it was normal."

That man isn't alone. About 45% of his brethren want a bigger penis. Never mind that 85% of heterosexual women say they are satisfied with their partners' penis parameters.

Many men worry about the size of their erections. Many more worry about how their penis looks when it's limp, studies find.  So how can a man know if he's normal, super-sized, or small? Not by his shoe size, a common and disproved myth about estimating penis length. Like so much else in life, direct measurement is the key.

How to Measure a Penis

Men may be surprised to learn that penis length isn't measured on the erect penis. Too many variables are involved.  Instead, the most reliable penis measurement is called SPL -- stretched penis length. The longer a man's SPL, the longer his erect penis length, according to studies done on brave young men who volunteered to have erection-stimulating penis injections.

To learn your SPL, measure the penis while it's flaccid. Press the ruler tight against the pubic bone at the base of the penis. Don't just measure from where the penis separates from the scrotum, or you'll lose precious centimeters. Now gently, but very firmly, stretch the penis as far as it will go. Measure from the pubic bone to the tip of the stretched penis.

Did you get five and a quarter inches? If so, you are exactly normal. Most adult men are within about a half inch of 5.24 inches, according to statistics Palmer has compiled. Nearly all studies of penis length come up with a similar measure.  If you're a little smaller than that, you've got lots of company. Just as many men are below average penis size as above it.

How big is big? According to Palmer's statistics, only 0.6% of men have an SPL of 6.8 inches or more. But too big isn't what men tend to worry about.

Micropenis: When a Penis Really Is Too Small

There is, of course, such a thing as a very small penis. The medical term "micropenis" applies to the 0.6% of men with the smallest penises. According to Palmer's statistics, an SPL of three and two-thirds inches or less indicates a micropenis.

Even then, U.S. doctors hesitate to recommend surgery for a man whose SPL is longer than three inches. That's because surgery is controversial and risky.

Micropenis isn't usually something a man discovers when he's an adult. It's usually caused by genetic or hormonal abnormalities that cause other, more serious health problems early in life.  That's because the penis starts to develop when a fetus is just 8 weeks old. By week 12, the penis has developed and begins to grow. During the second and third trimesters, male sex hormones cause the penis to grow to normal length. Factors that interfere with hormone production and hormone action stunt penis growth.

When discovered in infancy, micropenis can be treated with testosterone, which can stimulate penis growth in childhood, even after puberty. While the safety and long-term efficacy of this treatment remains to be proved, available data suggest the treatment does not affect normal development during puberty.

For adults with micropenis, the options are few.

"For true micropenis, there is not much you can do that is adequate for the adult patient, except for putting in a penile prosthesis," Gilbert says.  Fortunately, micropenis is a rare condition. Far more common is what Palmer and colleagues call "the constellation of conditions that make the penis look diminutive and small" -- inconspicuous penis.

Inconspicuous Penis: When Size Isn't the Only Issue

"Inconspicuous penis means a penis that is hard to see," Palmer says.

Micropenis -- a truly tiny penile shaft -- is the rarest of the conditions under the umbrella term "inconspicuous penis."

Other forms of inconspicuous penis that may have remained untreated until adulthood are webbed penis and buried penis.

"The webbed penis indicates the scrotum has connected to the underside of the penis so it pulls the penis inward," Palmer says. "Usually the penis is at right angles to the scrotum. But in webbed penis, the scrotum is high riding and the separation from the penis is not clear."

Buried penis occurs when the penis is hidden below the skin. This can happen because of excessive belly fat in the front of the abdominal wall droops down to conceal the penis. It can also happen when the connection to the scrotum is absent and the penis withdraws inward toward the pelvis. Another form of buried penis occurs when a too-large foreskin makes the penis look buried.

Webbed penis can be addressed via surgery. Buried penis may require only weight loss, and perhaps liposuction. There are also surgical procedures that can correct the problem.

Small Penis Syndrome

It's been dubbed small penis syndrome: the belief that you aren't a real man because you don't have a big penis.

Perhaps one reason men often believe this is that most men have no idea what a normal-size penis looks like. When asked to guess, most guess wrong. About 15% of men just throw up their hands and admit they don't know, one study found.

Another reason is pornography. Palmer tells the story of a teen patient who was in agony over his small penis size. But examination showed he was perfectly normal. It turned out that the boy had been viewing Internet pornography, from which he got a distorted picture of normal male anatomy.

And because penis size is such a major part of a man's body image, men suffering from body dysmorphic disorder often focus on the size of their penises.

Body dysmorphic disorder and other psychiatric issues that may underlie small penis syndrome may require professional psychological help. But Palmer and Gilbert say that most men need only reassurance that they really are normal.

"I give the patient a physical and get his personal history and social history," Gilbert says. "If he has no medical problem, I speak positively. I tell him that he has a normal phallus that is no different in function from any other healthy man. I give him confidence."

Palmer notes that the law of averages dictates that some men will have smaller penises than others. This does not make them abnormal.

"If a man has perfectly normal penis function, he must reconcile with the fact that his penis is what it is," he says. "You cannot make a short person tall. People have to accommodate to their own anatomy."

Can Surgery Make a Small Penis Larger?

It's hard for a man to open his email without encountering an offer of a drug, device, or surgical procedure that will give him a bigger penis.

Sure, that stuff is just spam. But are there legitimate ways to lengthen a penis?

"There isn't much to make the penis larger," Palmer says. "Surgically, there is not much to significantly increase penis size or girth that is not fraught with significant complications."

Procedures known as "augmentative phalloplasty" promise to make a penis wider in girth. And because these procedures add weight to the penis -- by grafting fat from another part of the body -- they make the penis a half-inch or so longer when flaccid.

"Getting a uniformly even expansion of girth is unpredictable and often does not lead to a good outcome," Palmer says. "You have to hope you do not get a lumpy penis. This is not an easy thing to do."

Most men do not know that only about two-thirds of their penis protrudes from their bodies. The other third, held in place with ligaments, provides the leverage for sexual function.

One surgical technique cuts these tendons and allows the penis to protrude another inch or two. Gilbert takes a dim view of the technique, because the penis loses its leverage.

"When surgeons take the inside part of the penis and move it out, the most common outcome is their erection no longer goes up but down," he says. "If a man is unhappy with his penis length, he is going to be unhappy with a penis he has to pick up and insert. I've had men ask me, 'Can you put it back the way it was?'"

Gilbert says that because of the high complication rate, malpractice insurance rarely covers penis-lengthening procedures.

All of these procedures are considered "experimental surgery." Severe complications include -- but are not limited to -- penis shortening, a lumpy or uneven appearance, scarring, sexual dysfunction, and curvature of the penis. These complications often cannot be corrected.

Can Devices Make a Small Penis Larger?

Traction devices that stretch the penis may actually add an inch or so to penis length, based on small studies and anecdotal reports. Gilbert says he is following two patients who are using these devices in an effort to make their penises longer.

"These devices have to be worn for several hours a day, for many months," he says. "Most people, even if they are highly motivated, don't have that kind of time. So I'm not sure a lot of patients have the time or energy or perseverance to do that."

Vacuum devices may help men with erectile dysfunction achieve an erection -- but they do not make the penis larger.

Can Regenerative Medicine Make a Small Penis Larger?

However, there is one area of research with intriguing possibilities: regenerative medicine. Scientists have been able to grow animal penises in the laboratory by seeding scaffolds with the animals' own cells. These penises then were successfully transplanted.

Already a group of researchers in Beijing, China, have reported using a similar technique to treat 69 patients with what they called small penis syndrome. In this case, the tissues were grown from the patients' own scrotal skin and grafted to their penises to increase their girth.

"With regenerative medicine, the sky is the limit," Palmer says. "We might have this as an option down the line."

"Regenerative medicine is still not ready for prime time," Gilbert says. "These things have a lot of potential, but nothing we can offer to patients in the near future."

SOURCES:

Lane S. Palmer, MD, chief of pediatric urology, Cohen Children's Medical Center, New Hyde Park, N.Y.

Bruce R. Gilbert, MD, PhD, director, reproductive and sexual medicine, Smith Institute for Urology, Lake Success, N.Y.

Srinivasan, A.K. The Scientific World Journal, 2011.

Wiygul, J. and Palmer, L.S. The Scientific World Journal, 2011.

Panfilov, D.E. Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, March-April 2006.

Jin, Z. Journal of Andrology, September-October 2011.

Wood, D. and Woodhouse, C. The Scientific World Journal, 2011.

Wylie, K. and Eardley, I. BJU International, 2007.

Chen, J. International Journal of Impotence Research, 2000.

Mondaini, N. International Journal of Impotence Research, 2002.

Lever, J. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 2006.

Yang, B. Journal of Reconstructive Aesthetic Surgery, 2009.

Shaeer, O. and Shaeer, K. Journal of Sexual Medicine, March 2009.

Tiggemann, M. Journal of Health Psychology, November 2008.

Ghanem, H. Journal of Sexual Medicine, September 2007.

Aghamir, M.K. BJU International, April 2006.

Shamloul, R. Urology, June 2005.

Shah, J. and Christopher, N. BJU International, October 2002.

Lee, P.A. and Reiter, E.O. Adolescent Medicine, February 2002.

Wessells, H. Journal of Urology, September 1996.

Nikoobakht, M. Journal of Sexual Medicine, November 2011.

Levine, L.A. and Rybak, J. Journal of Sexual Medicine, July 2011.

Dixson, B.J. Archives of Sexual Behavior, June 2010.

Nugteren, H.M. Journal of Sexual and Marital Therapy, March 2010.

Savas, M. Journal of Andrology, September-October 2009.

Gontero, P. BJU International, March 2009.

Dillon, B.E. International Journal of Impotence Research, November-December 2008.

Tiggeman, M. Journal of Health Psychology, November 2008.

Dillon, B.E. International Journal of Impotence Research, posted Dec. 5, 2008, on Medscape.com.

[bigskydreaming]

Like, the thing you guys gotta understand is my loud opinions are far more defense mechanism than they are “I think I am right and nobody else is ever and people should listen to me only.”

Nah. They’re literally just me being as loud and as visible with the stuff that matters the most to me as is possible....because that actually minimizes the flack I catch for y’know...stuff I’m truly passionate about believing.

For example, my online behavior and tendencies in fandom on tumblr specifically....were largely shaped by my experiences in Teen Wolf fandom. Where I started out being as civil as possible wherever possible, and gradually got louder and angrier over time because THAT DIDN’T MATTER. Its why tone policing is bullshit, through and through. Because the real issue was never HOW I was saying what I was saying, it was what I was saying at all.

See, I flat out don’t like the fandom fave Stiles, as he’s portrayed on the show, and never did. Not from day one. He bothered the fuck out of me from the pilot. And this is a very controversial opinion in TW fandom, and was far more so back when I was first becoming ‘known’ in fandom, whatever the fuck that means or is even worth (seriously, its not worth a lot. You guys, stop putting so much weight in the visibility of more ‘well known’ bloggers....that doesn’t directly translate into the influence you think it does, especially when those bloggers are still holding what the majority of a fandom deems ‘unpopular’ opinions).

But back in my early TW days, I wasn’t really ‘known’ at all, for my blog and my opinions on the show. I was better known for my fics, which at the beginning, I was writing and updating fairly quickly. I’ve published somewhere just shy of 100,000 words of TW fanfic....and the vast majority of that was all written in just the first year or two in fandom.

And the thing is, for people who just found me on Ao3 and not on my blog originally....they weren’t as immediately aware of my bias against Stiles. Because I hate bashing ANY characters in fic. Even ones I don’t like, because the point of fanfic for me, is to FIX my personal issues with the source material, improve on the things *I* especially dislike....so even though I dislike Stiles on the show, in my better known TW fics, he was still present, and I was still trying to be as true to his core characterization as possible, WHILE addressing what I considered his core problem areas.

The kicker being.....a LOT of Stiles-fans LIKED my fanfic depiction of Stiles. A lot of S/terek fans included. You look at my TW fics like Where Wild Things Are or Lightning Crashes in particular....you’re gonna find a LOT of comments from self-proclaimed S/terek fans and Stiles stans....and those are just the ones I didn’t delete when I was forced to aggressively moderate my comments when a lot of those same commenters got loud and angry at me.

Which they did see....once they started connecting my Ao3 account to my blog, and my opinions on the show in general, which were starting to be more widespread in fandom due to some better known mutuals. I mean, its not like it was a big secret. My Ao3 pen name for my Teen Wolf fic is bigskydreamin’. It....wasn’t really anything I felt I needed to clarify, lmao.

But once people realized that the very same writer they liked for his take on Stiles very vocally disliked the show’s Stiles because of behaviors and scenes that I quote unquote deemed abusive (which I do, and stand by to this day).....they went fucking APESHIT on me. Like.....I can not even TELL you the extent of the nasty comments, anons, emails and reviews I got from some of the very same people who previously were glowing in their praise of my fics, especially the Stiles scenes.

All because I didn’t like the show’s depiction of certain behaviors and toxic dynamics, and set out to improve these things in my fic while being true to the characterizations....and which they had LIKED....until they realized my take didn’t come from a place of “oh I think Stiles is just the best.”

And then the fateful day came when one of them flat out asked me why I didn’t ship S/terek and if I would ever write S/terek....

And I had the balls to answer honestly. LOL. I wasn’t even insulting or offensive...just blunt. I told the person that I have serious issues with S/terek because of the power dynamics and the way they’re romanticized within fandom and most fics rather than called out and addressed, and I said I would never have any interest in tackling these topics myself in any kind of S/terek fic because my own past with abuse makes the ship just inherently unappealing to me because of how I perceive it, and I feel zero desire to ‘fix’ a thing I wouldn’t want on any level to begin with.

And they went and told all their friends and lol, RIP the rest of my TW years - and this was probably back in like, Year Two of my time in TW fandom. For a more accurate estimate, look for when I lost the will to update my big fics, because like. What was the point? Any positive reaction I got from updates at the time was just drowned out by the hate I got for adding to a story many of them were still reading, judging by the way my hit counts were still pretty steady with what they’d been with previous updates.....but that at the same time, they were heaping all kinds of shit on me for just....having opinions they didn’t like at the same time as I wrote stuff they still DID like.

The juxtaposition of those two things....lol. Man. Its a trip, I’ll tell you that.

And to be honest, the same thing has been happening ever since I started being more involved in Batfandom. You guys know how I reblog a lot of my own posts? That’s not something I used to do like, ever in TW fandom...because all the content I was making then was fresh. But I’ve always been a fan of Dick Grayson even while I was knee deep in TW fandom, so my longtime followers can tell you....I’ve been making these posts about him all along. A lot of my more popular Dick Grayson posts were written years ago, before I started getting active in this fandom....which only really happened over last summer. 

And the difference in TONE in a lot of my posts, is a lot of the ‘tamer’ posts.....which express the exact same viewpoints I have as in my more heated posts.....is because my ‘tamer’ posts were written as one-offs that I just wrote in passing while in a fandom that generally didn’t have any interest in my Batfamily musings....which did not at all stop me from still making those posts from time to time....because I don’t post ANYTHING for the sake of getting notes. Its literally just shit that’s on my mind, that I want to put out there for people to do whatever the hell they feel like doing with them. 

And so most of the posts I reblog, that seem more ‘mild’....its because I wrote them years ago, they got like maybe ten notes at the time, lol, and I’m reblogging them now because I have more of a platform and think they’d still be of interest to fans of that content specifically....but the stark tone difference is because when I wrote THOSE....nobody was jumping on my back the second I hit post to tell me how obviously wrong and stupid I was for not getting this or that or that and having this opinion on this character or just “caring too much about fictional characters.”

Like, you get what you give, people. You throw shit at me, eventually, I’m gonna start throwing shit back, and no, you don’t get to be pissed about that when all the evidence is there that I’m MORE than capable AND willing to have a good time just by myself....and more than happy to have people join in....as long as nobody’s being a douchebag. But if you get your douchebaggery on and start making my life hell....I’m gonna start raising my voice, because that shit fucking sucks.

The sheer vitriol I got for simply stating that I have no interest in writing a S/terek dynamic I see as inherently toxic due to the inherent power imbalances, BECAUSE of my own history as an abuse and rape survivor, which I was frank about.....it blows my mind. People are literally OFFENDED that in response to questions THEY asked me, I said....I do not like this thing, because of how it affects my feelings about my own trauma. 

Like, for years I have gotten monthly hatemail in my asks for spreading toxicity and hate through the TW fandom and ‘hurting real abuse/rape survivors by misleading people and calling S/terek pedophilic and misusing terms like that’....

And the utterly hilarious thing (in that not at all sort of way), is I have never ONCE called S/terek pedophilic, or anyone who ships it a pedophile. Never. Once!

You know why? Its not even because of my own personal view on whether or not that’s an accurate label for that ship....its because IT WASN’T EVEN RELEVANT TO THE SPECIFIC CRITICISMS I’VE ALWAYS FOCUSED ON MAKING.

Like, I literally never even got AROUND to expressing whether or not I thought that was a label that applies to that ship, because I’ve always had plenty of thoughts just purely on the specific power imbalances as I break them down in my view of that pairing....REGARDLESS of what you label those power imbalances. I don’t fucking CARE about the terminology. My concern has never once been what the fuck you call it, so I never made it ABOUT what anyone calls it, and purely focused on why I think it isn’t healthy just in specific terms.....and yes, pulled from my own personal experience and knowledge of abuse to back up why I feel that way, and to clarify why I feel so strongly about it.

But does any of this matter? Nope. Because all people cared about when directing hate my way for my oh so controversial opinions was not what was accurate to my views, but what was effective in discrediting them.

And the same shit is already happening in Batfandom, and its obnoxious, and tired, and yeah, its why I’m already kinda coming out of the gate hot and heavy, because within like....less than two months of me starting to post more regularly about Batfam specific content and getting some followers who have large fandom presences and boosted my posts to a pretty broad fandom circulation....

Its like, welcome to TW fandom, rinse and repeat.

Hardly any of the actual flack I’ve gotten in this fandom so far has anything whatsoever to do with my opinions on the Batfam....its almost all about the fact that I don’t like noncon/pedophilia/incest fics and am critical of the permissive attitude fandom spaces have cultivated around this stuff. And of the fact that I think the culture of false positivity fandom spaces try to enforce at the expense of marginalized fans who try to speak up about their experiences with racism and other forms of oppression and bigotry online, like, is similarly bullshit. Like, the thing people don’t like me for most of all, is that I’m LOUD and OPINIONATED about saying that these things specifically, fucking suck, and here are my own personal experiences that make me feel that way.

And notice the lack of actual argument with my actual posts. Notice how its all about ME....my volume....my ‘irrationality’....my obvious mental health issues (I’ve heard that one a couple times already, lol - no shit, I’m ADHD, have longterm PTSD, and a literal lifetime’s worth of trauma I’m still actively unpacking and sorting through, lol, what the fuck was the revelation in me having mental health issues? I’m not shy about it, and I don’t use it as an excuse for being an asshole.....guess what? I’m an asshole sometimes, and I can absolutely point to when and where I’ve been one. I’m not hiding it, and I’m not hiding behind mental illness).

Plus, y’know there’s my ‘fake wokeness’ because a white man can’t have any possible reasons or experiences that lead to him choosing to prioritize supporting people of color in fandom over other white people while still firmly being motivated by things that are born of his own life and his own lane, and just *gasp* happen to make me care more about certain shit than other white people do, like.....I’m as transparent as I am about my feelings and motivations for a REASON. I’m not UNAWARE of any of this or how I come across.....the thing so many of you don’t get is that none of this is a multiple choice test where you have to circle the right answer and you pass, you’re a good ally or a good influence or a good person.....all of this is just life. Its just us all making choices and everyone else reacting to those choices in whatever the hell way they choose. 

I’m not trying to win any points with anybody.....if I DID care about cultivating my own influence in fandom, I MORE than have the communication skills to couch my most controversial opinions in language that would be more palatable to the MOST influential corners of fandom, draw more people in, be less alienating or distancing to people who have a kneejerk defensive reaction to a lot of the things I say....like, however influential I may or may not be in various fandoms and various fandom circles....I am perfectly aware of how I could say or do things differently to have MORE influence in broader reaching circles....I just fucking hate that kind of game playing. 

I’m the opposite of trying to win points....I just want the people who are around me and who follow me to actually RESPECT me enough to fucking listen to me and what I have to say....because otherwise, how do either of us even benefit? What’s the point? Who’s gaining anything from any interaction?

So yeah. I’m loud, and vocal, and opinionated....I say exactly what’s on my mind and I don’t apologize for it. I’m an asshole to people who are an asshole to me first, and sometimes I fuck up and I’m an asshole to people who don’t deserve it. And if you call me on that and I pull my head out of my ass soon enough to notice in time that you’re right and I owe you an apology, I’ll do that! And if you don’t want to call me on it and choose to take the offense I caused as a reason not to follow me or interact with me any further....that’s perfect valid and understandable too, and absolutely your right! Do what you need to do for you!

But the one thing that will never ever ever win you any points with me and that I just despise more than anything....is the fundamental lack of awareness, and lack of respect for me and what I’ve lived through....that the S/terek readers of mine who started the chain of events that led to me settling on my current approach to interacting with fandoms.

That thing where some people in various fandoms think its perfectly acceptable and reasonable to like some of my fan content....but then get pissed and upset with me because I don’t like all of the same things you do, think all of the things you do, and am judgmental about various ships you might have or fics you might read or write......and then take this out on me.

Nuh uh. Not okay. Never okay. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, I DO NOT SIT THERE AND TAKE THAT SHIT.

Because the thing the people this describes seem incapable or unwilling to grasp is....

For all your talk of “don’t like/don’t read” and telling me and other survivors to take responsibility for curating our own fandom content and experiences and avoiding things that might trigger us....

Even when I TRY and do that to the absolute BEST of my ability.....some of you still get pissed at me and go on the offensive because I don’t want to interact or be around certain content or people who are inspired to create that content....because of what it brings up for me, because of my various past traumas.

Like, that’s what it boils down to, IN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. People liking what I have to say, until I say I don’t like something they don’t like and here’s why....and then its open fucking season, because how dare I not want to associate with them because that association is likely to expose me to triggering things they also at the same time expect me to take responsibility for avoiding, so as not to blame anyone else for my exposure to such things.

Can you please maybe understand why that fundamentally DOES NOT FUCKING WORK??

And is not only utterly unreasonable, but offensive to ask of someone who’s just trying to participate in fandom and have a good time and simply STATE when and where relevant, that there are things that impact my ability to have a good time, just as there are things that impact the ability of other fans to enjoy themselves alongside you as well?

Or are we ever going to get around to some people admitting that their fandom experiences have absolutely nothing to do with caring about the ‘community’ people swear up and down exists, and solely prioritize their own personal enjoyment, and FUCK everyone else? (While meanwhile, also being all: but why aren’t they making more of the stuff that I at least was enjoying when they weren’t bitching about not having fun here?’ LOL. Can’t ever forget that part.)

Its just.

You all are fucking exhausting sometimes, I swear. And that doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere, because I have as much right to be here as anyone, and I DO still manage to have a good time a lot of the time in spite of this crap, but that’s never gonna stop me from saying I have a right to have more of a good time and less of a literally triggered time, if any of you might ever care to prioritize that for me as much as you ask me to prioritize your good times for you.

This isn’t me doing anything other than saying....you all are fucking exhausting sometimes, I swear. Because sometimes, I just want to say that. Sometimes, it feels good to say that. And at every time, I have every damn right to say that in any way, shape or form I want to say it, at any volume I want to say it at, because none of this is me yelling at anyone, it is every single one of us sitting safe and comfortable in front of a screen of some kind, reading someone else express themselves and deciding how we want to take that expression and what’s being expressed, and how we want to react or not react in turn.

Like....just...its that fucking simple. That is literally all so much of this fucking ‘discourse’ is. People experiencing life in different ways than other people, and some people wanting to improve their experiences, some people wanting their experiences to stay just the way they are, some people wanting to ignore every experience that doesn’t fit their expectations or desired interactions, and other people just.....idk, just being fucking high, let’s face it, half the shit on this site is just plain weird and I like to assume the best of humanity and just chalk it up to half this site’s user base being high as fuck most of the time they post, LOL. 

*Shrugs* Congrats if you actually read all the way through to the end of this post....like....this is where I reiterate...I have ZERO expectations for this post. I have NO clue how people will react to it, how many or how few people will take it in the way I want it to be taken, especially because *I* don’t even know how I want it to be taken or what I would like to come of it. This is literally just me saying shit that is on my brain in response to my own personal experiences on this site and in this fandom. It is utterly, 100% up to you guys to decide what you do with it from here.

If I have one want for all fandoms, I guess it would just be.....for people to look to their own behavior and motivations and choices and take responsibility for their own shit before projecting onto other people and expecting them to do all of that while still refusing to do any of it themselves.

Too many people keep trying to drive one way on what are supposed to be two-way streets, and being shocked when that repeatedly results in collisions, pileups, accidents and blatant hit and runs.

We all live in a society.

Quit treating other members of that society like they only exist to cater to your existence alone.

[diarythebookwyrm]

Thoughts on Stranger Things 3

So Stranger Things 3 aired almost two weeks ago. I binge-watched the entire season on that Friday afternoon/evening/night. Naturally, that meant I had to take some time to sort through what I had just watched. I have since sorted through my thoughts and decided to share them.

Below the cut, because this is gonna get long and I don’t wanna spoil anybody who hasn’t caught up yet.

So...first, some character thoughts.

This season absolutely cemented in my mind exactly which characters are my favorites and which I couldn’t care less about. This is particularly true of the two main characters who just rub me the absolute wrong way; Jonathan Byers and Mike Wheeler.

Now, I’ve had issues with Jonathan since season one. Let’s explore why that’s the case, shall we? Within the first half of the season, Jonathan not only stalked Nancy but took pictures of her naked and having sex without her knowledge or consent. That’s already pretty damned creepy, but it gets worse when you remember that Nancy is a minor. Jonathan’s pictures count as child pornography by the modern definition. Yes, this is in the 80s, but that doesn’t make it any less creepy. Yes, he and Nancy have “shared trauma” after being in the Upside Down for a short time, but that...is not enough to build a relationship on??? Then the way he and Nancy do end up together is sketchy at best.

So...yeah. Jonathan is not my favorite character.

As for Mike...

Mike, Mike, Michael, Mikey. He is my absolute least favorite of the original Party. Why? Because he’s a selfish, entitled little asshole. I have two younger brothers; one five years and one ten years younger than me. I’ve lived in a house with a 13-15-year-old boy when I myself was 18-20. It was...a trial, to say the least. But Mike takes the typical early teen boy angst and dials it right up to thirteen. Not eleven; thirteen.

In this season, that was just emphasized even more than the past two seasons for me. His behavior towards Hopper has always been a bit of a pain for me to watch, but this season it just got worse. Just because Mike is El’s first boyfriend, he acts like that means he’s entitled to all her time and attention. Hopper was completely justified in flipping out the way he did.

Which brings me to Hopper’s characterization this season. I thought it was perfectly in line with the man we’ve spent so much time with so far. For one thing, this is the mid-to-late 80s. 

Let me put that in perspective for everyone. My dad was about Steve Harrington’s age in the mid to late 80s (my mom was about Nancy’s age). My dad was a bit of a...snark as a kid. My grandfather was and still is a very down-to-earth and straight-shooting man. He did not put up with my dad’s bullshit. Full stop. End of story. Hopper is similar to my grandfather in that respect. The scene where Hopper gets Mike alone and then lays down the law? My grandfather would have pulled that if he had a daughter with a snarky, disrespectful asshole of a boyfriend.

Hopper is also raising a teenage girl for the first time. His daughter died before she ever reached her teen years, so Hopper is figuring out what is the best method for handling things like a first boyfriend or a girl’s nights at the house. This is a man who spent years after his daughter’s death living as a confirmed bachelor who was a bit of a slob because he was also self-medicating with alcohol. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t actually follow through on the thought to kill Mike.

Joyce was, as always, my favorite of the parents. She’s a wonderful mother who is just trying to keep shit going for her boys’ sakes more than her own. I can’t really blame her for wanting to move out of Hawkins after what happened with Bob. Did that mean I enjoyed that plotline? No, of course I didn’t. But that doesn’t mean it was a bad one.

Murray was...Well, Murray. I did like his interactions with Hopper and how he’s the only person who actually was calling Hopper by his first name.

Nancy’s plotline in this season...it felt a little weak to me, I’ll be honest. Ever since Nancy and Jonathan got together last season (which...again, I think that was poorly handled from the start), Nancy has not been my favorite person. Am I saying she should have stayed with Steve? Absolutely not. It’s very clear that Nancy was not nearly as invested in that relationship as Steve was. I honestly think that if Nancy were not in any relationship, her story might have been a bit better written. As it is, she just feels like she’s filler alongside Jonathan while Steve actually grows as a person.

Steve, as always, is continuing to grow and develop in ways neither Nancy nor Jonathan has in the course of the show. When we first meet Steve, he’s the hot man on campus, the popular jock, etc. etc. etc. Did he do and say some problematic things? Yes. But, I would like to remind everyone of just what kind of dumbasses we all were at seventeen. Do you remember being seventeen? I do. I was a bitch. And it’s very clear in season one that most of Steve’s assholery comes from having shitty friends as much as anything. He had a point about Jonathan being a creep, and while breaking the camera might have been extreme, it was certainly justified. I think the worst thing he did was helping with spray painting Nancy “The Slut” Wheeler on the sign, and that was clearly more something that Tommy H. came up with. He even stayed behind to help clean the graffiti up. Was Steve an idiot in season one? Yes, but I still loved him even then because I saw potential and he has more than lived up to that.

The rest of the Party along with Max and El remained pretty firmly where they had been in my estimation before season three with only Max and Will moving slightly higher up on my list. Lucas has never been my favorite, but neither is he my least favorite. Dustin is my son and I will protect him. Will has grown on me and I just want to bundle him up in a blanket and feed him cookies. El is, as she always has been, a badass. Max wasn’t necessarily my favorite last season, but I didn’t dislike her, and she’s certainly grown on me with this season.

Robin and Alexei are darlings and I love them both dearly. Erica...yeah. Those of us with younger siblings either are like “yeah, been there” or find Erica a bit too close to home to enjoy. I’ll let you judge for yourself where she falls.

Now for the one character I never thought I would ever feel sympathy for: Billy. When Billy entered the show in season two, I hated him. I hated everything about him, and that was kind of the point. We were supposed to hate him. What I think is a great credit to both the writers and Dacre Montgomery’s portrayal of Billy is the fact they did invoke sympathy from me this season. Billy has still done awful things, but as I watched him become the pawn of the Mind Flayer, I actually felt sorry for him. Dacre was amazing in this role, and I’ll never forget the scene where El and he are facing off in the Starcourt Mall. It’s one of the most poignant scenes in the entire series, as far as I’m concerned.

Moving past the single characters and into the relationships:

I...have never shipped Mileven or Max/Lucas. Why? Because they are children. Mike and Eleven are about 12-13 when they meet, so...for me, the idea of shipping children has never sat well with me. It’s part of why I don’t actively ship series-era Kataang in Avatar: The Last Airbender. By season three, Mike, Eleven, Lucas and Max are about 14-15 which...is better, but not by much. I’m twenty-nine, so for me, those are babies. Also, they’ll grow up and probably have other loves in their life. Shipping children that young is problematic because most people don’t stay with their first love forever. It’s considered healthy to have multiple early loves, and I think that’s part of why I was so adamantly against Mileven this season.

I’ve already addressed some of my biggest issues with Jancy from last season, and I mentioned that I just felt like they were filler this season. Also, Nancy talking about “what if I just...don't let you go” made me facepalm so hard. Again, Jonathan is one of Nancy’s first loves. Few people stay with their high school boyfriend for the rest of their lives. True, it was certainly more common in the 50s-80s, but that doesn’t mean it’s something that should inspire great shipping material. Nancy is at least 17 or 18 in season three. She’s still figuring out what she wants out of life, and so is Jonathan. Making them out to be this great romance that will last forever is just...weird?

Jopper...Jopper broke my heart this season. I’d shipped it on the side since season one, but put it on the back burner when I saw how happy Joyce was with Bob. This season, it just reminded me why I love the dynamic between Joyce and Hopper. I’m so sad that they’ll never have that date at Enzo’s, and I wish the writers would stop making Joyce watch the man she thinks she could settle down with die horribly.

The plot:

I knew the Mind Flayer was going to be the Big Bad, so that was no surprise. What was surprising was the army of the Flayed, and I rather enjoyed that. The Russians were a wonderful addition as far as I’m concerned. I loved the way it was handled, both comedically and dramatically. It makes sense to me that if American scientists discovered the Upside Down, the Russians would have too. I mean, this is the end of the Cold War after all. America and Russia were constantly racing against one another to find the next great discovery first.

Overall, I loved this season. It was not a let-down in any way for me, apart from the focus on certain characters that still irk me. Also, I’ll just be in my lovely house on the river Denial quietly shipping Jopper.