#rhys definitely deals with this trauma forever

[schnoobums]

How many of your co-workers did you just eject into space to get rid of me, huh?

[acourtcfmuses]

After the trauma of Nyx, would Feyre ever consider having more children?

Despite the trauma around Nyx’s birth, with both herself and Nyx dying. Feyre 100% wants more children. Though she would definitely hope to wait a century or two before getting pregnant again. The trauma is still there and it will never fully go away as she will never be able go through a pregnancy without worrying about the birth; but she will forever eternally grateful to her big sister Nesta for both saving her baby (and her) and giving her an Illyrian womb which means that she will be able to give birth to future children safely (aside from any unforeseen complications naturally).

Subsequent pregnancies, like while once she knew while pregnant with Nyx, she is able to stay calm and enjoy her pregnancy. However because of Nyx’s birth,l the last couple of weeks in future pregnancies she goes through a sort of nesting process where she pus plans in place should the worst happen.  She’s hyper aware that if anything happens to her, Nyx and any other children born at that time will be orphan’s due to her fae deal with Rhys.

[novelsandtea]

Book Review: A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

Rate: 4.5/5

Nesta Archeron has always been prickly-proud, swift to anger, and slow to forgive. And ever since being forced into the Cauldron and becoming High Fae against her will, she's struggled to find a place for herself within the strange, deadly world she inhabits. Worse, she can't seem to move past the horrors of the war with Hybern and all she lost in it. The one person who ignites her temper more than any other is Cassian, the battle-scarred warrior whose position in Rhysand and Feyre's Night Court keeps him constantly in Nesta's orbit. But her temper isn't the only thing Cassian ignites. The fire between them is undeniable, and only burns hotter as they are forced into close quarters with each other. Meanwhile, the treacherous human queens who returned to the Continent during the last war have forged a dangerous new alliance, threatening the fragile peace that has settled over the realms. And the key to halting them might very well rely on Cassian and Nesta facing their haunting pasts. Against the sweeping backdrop of a world seared by war and plagued with uncertainty, Nesta and Cassian battle monsters from within and without as they search for acceptance-and healing-in each other's arms.

 This is the fourth book in Sarah J. Maas’s A Court of Thorns and Roses world. If you haven’t read the first three books – Go read them! Not only are they amazing stories, but this book will not make much sense without the background, even if it is more of a spin-off from the core trilogy. 

I really liked this book! It has a little bit of everything: drama, quests, banter, romance, danger, spice (okay more than a little bit there). Its over 750 pages long, and I spent almost every free moment I had reading it and was finished in three days. That’s saying something since I’m not a particularly fast reader. I had worried about getting into a story that was not only not focused on my favorites from the previous books, but one of the two POVs was probably my least favorite character of the entire series (hello Nesta). By the time I finished it, however, I was cheering for every success these characters had! I seriously recommend this book, especially to anyone interested in a story that has a slower build but is still packed with wonderful moments that will have you at the edge of our seat.

Aaaand that’s really all I have for the non-spoiler section! Full review below.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Since finishing the book, I’ve sat down and really thought about the plot of the story. As Maas’s books are typically very action packed, I had gone into this book expecting the same. While still having some real tense action scenes, a lot less happens in this book which is surprising considering its size. I think that is telling of Maas’s talent in her character development and her ability to make a story of recovery and growth as riveting as one filled with war and battles. The majority of the story is focused on Nesta and her healing from the traumatic events she had gone through during the previous books. I truthfully never really liked Nesta, and I found her to be incredibly selfish and harsh. Even in the beginning of ACOSF, she is always angry and lashing out at everyone around her. While it had me wanting to pull out my hair, I ended up loving that we get that unapologetic broken character in the beginning. We follow Nesta throughout her entire arc of recovery. We see her in her lowest of lows and are right alongside her as she learns how to work through her traumas and pain and face the person she has become. I especially loved the focus on healing broken relationships and accepting both responsibility and forgiveness. Not everything is perfectly healed by the end, but we do see Nesta walking a better path having accepted all parts of herself, both dark and light. A lot of time is spent on Nesta trying to push down that darkness and death that she associates with her powers. Seeing her not only accept that part of her but finally understand how she can exist beyond it was so impactful, and I think it does a good job of holding a mirror to similar feelings that I believe a lot of people have experienced. I really loved the hike and breakdown that followed her explosion at Amren’s place and the reveal to Feyre. The way mental health is represented in this book is refreshing, and so many parts of it felt so raw and real. It really struck a chord with me, and moved me in many ways as I was reading. It may sound cliché, but reading about Nesta learning to heal helped me acknowledge and accept parts of myself.

While Cassian is half of the POV in this book, it truly does feel like Nesta’s story. That being said, I did love the parts of Cassian we had. I loved reading his struggle with wanting to be there for Nesta in the ways she needed but also needing to protect himself. I adored how he truly saw her and always accepted every part, even all the ugly spots. When he felt the mating bond snap into place but left knowing Nesta couldn’t deal with it at that time, gah I was dying. Cassian never once pitied her. He wanted to help and protect her, but he knew it was a journey she had to do herself. He is a leading force in Nesta’s growth and constantly offers both his own strength and vulnerability. I really enjoyed seeing the love grow between them, especially as Nesta learned to open herself more to the possibility of healing and finding her own place and purpose. I just really can’t get enough of them together! I also really loved the moments we got between the three brothers – I was surprised by how much I had wanted those scenes. It was exciting to get a closer glimpse into that aspect of Cassian’s life, and the bond between him, Az, and Rhys.

I can’t avoid at least mentioning the smut in this book. All I will really say is this book has really stepped fully into the adult category. The scenes were extremely intense, steamy, and pretty descriptive. If you were looking for that typical Maas smuttiness aspect, be prepared for this book to be several notches above what we’ve seen previously (and a lot more of it).  

I could seriously talk about this book forever, but as I already fear I’ve begun to ramble, I’m just going to list some of my favorite things I haven’t mentioned yet below:

 The House!! I loved the relationship that developed between it and Nesta. Their interactions really became conversations, and I loved the idea of a sentient object becoming a core force in Nesta’s life. Also only-bubble baths and a baby pegasus are always a win.

Every snarky comment between Nesta and Cassian. Extremely entertaining and witty.

The entire Court of Nightmare scene with the dancing. So powerful and I loved seeing Nesta in her element.

The process of Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn coming together. I really loved reading about their training together, and the chapters once they meet up in the Blood Rite were some of my favorites. Their mini romance book club was precious.

A Rhys and Feyre baby! While I had some issues with this plot point, I still enjoyed the place it had in the story. The reactions of Cassian and Azriel was one of my favorite moments of the entire book.

The introduction to what I assume is the next major villain for the rest of the series. While it didn’t feature too largely until the end of the book, I think it did a good job setting up the situation for future installments.

The search for the Dead Trove. I really loved each moment we get, especially with the kelpie during the search for the mask. Good stuff

A few things I didn’t love:

I didn’t love how often Mor was gone. I know she did not really have a role in this story, but it would have been nice to see her more in passing as we did other characters.

The whole early delivery aspect of the pregnancy plot line. It felt a little plot convenient to me, and no explanation was ever given. I did like Nesta’s sacrifice and that moment, but I didn’t like how and why it happened.

I didn’t love that Rhys was trying so hard to hide the truth about the pregnancy from Feyre. I can kind of understand it when thinking about how he knew they were all probably going to die (that dumb bargain what the heck) but it is still stupid. Not the biggest issue to me, just not my favorite thing.

How much time we spent focused on the queen only to have her completely removed from the entire story in a blink. I know Nesta was insanely powerful at the time, but I just wanted…more.

I went into this book with very different expectations from what I got. I really enjoyed reading it, and I will definitely be getting the next book when it is published. Whether you loved or hated Nesta in the earlier books, I would recommend giving this one a chance. It sure changed my mind! Let me know your thoughts, I would love to discuss it!

[vole-mon-amour]

OTP tag game.

Tagged by @captainjowl. You know for sure than I'm struggling to pick only 10 & fit them in here. But hell, that’s fun, thank you <3

Rules: Choose 10 OTPs BEFORE reading the questions, and then get to answering

1) Harry James Potter & Sirius Orion Black

2) Daniel Le Domas & Grace (Ready or Not 2019)

3) Samuel & Nathan Drake (Uncharted 4)

4) Corvo Attano & The Outsider (+probably Emily Kaldwin; Dishonored series)

5) Steve Grant Rogers & Bucky Buchanan Barnes (Marvel)

6) Tony Edward Stark & Peter Benjamin Parker (Marvel)

7) Handsome Jack & Rhys (Borderlands video game series)

8) Damon Salvatore & Elena Gilbert (TVD Books & a tv show)

9) Batman & Joker (in every universe, really)

10) Adam Jensen x Francis Pritchard (Deus Ex video game series)

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I believe it didn't hit me before Spider-Man: Homecoming. Civil War was about Steve & Bucky for me, but when I saw that growing up Peter with Tony, their dynamic, chemistry. Tom & Robert are really just like that.

2. Have you ever read a fanfic about 2?

Lmao. I've read like 50% of the tag on AO3, I wrote my own & started a few wips on them. They are amazing. Plus, with that shitty canon? We didn't get enough of them & they deserved better, so it's only logical to save yourself with fanfiction.

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr screen saver?

I was living with The Outsider icon on my twitter & tumblr. That one is still my Google profile picture I believe. Don't remember about having an icon with the two of them. Also had The Outsider as my lockscreen on my smartphone for a while.

4. If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

Funny how it fits canon, lmao. Rhys literally tried to erase Jack's AI in TFTBL, so I guess another day on Pandora, nothing new. They torture each other, they kiss each other, they kill other people in the process. It'll be fiiine.

5. Why is 1 so important?

I love them since the first time I met them, which was much more than 10 years ago, I don't even remember when. At some point they were the reason I was waking up & forcing myself to eat just to read more fanfiction & feel something. Even if I was drowning in pain (I was extremely depressed), it was still something. I read every fic I could find at that time. The depression that Harry went through, all these feelings, his love for Sirius. I was living through it, I could relate.

I'm currently drowning in these two again, though in a much healthier & happier state. I see their flaws & I know as much as I can. I see them differently as an adult. They saved me, they keep being my number one, I still consider making a tattoo of Padfoot/Sirius or of both Harry & Sirius together. I have many headcanons, ideas, I write fics about them. They are everything, you see? They were my choice when there was nothing, no one. They are HOME.

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Both. There goes the dynamic of Jack & Rhys: torture, fighting, flirting, a lot of trauma. I'd definitely say that they are wild and comical sometimes, but they are definitely serious. With the Asylum, the mental health issues. There is so much more to it, the complexity of their relationship. The struggle of loving who you probably shouldn't (but hey, when does it work like that?) Thinking about Tettlate's Batman, about Batman: Europa & how Joker was: "You must be crazy, putting me in charge of the plan, letting me decide. Okay, well..."

Nah, they are entertaining, but this is a serious ship.

7. Out of all the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Are you kidding me? They are all the definition of CHEMISTRY. I'd say 5, but then go 2, 6, 7, 8. Come on. I'm not choosing. Most of they are WILD.

9. How many times have you read/watched the 10’s fandom?

The fandom itself? Idk. I found one of my favourite artists through this fandom. If it's about the characters themselves, I played the first game with the DLC from start to beginning, looking around every corner. Spent more than 60 hours in there. Watched a second game (my laptop can't run the game) and the DLC (obviously), since Francis is in the DLC & not in the main game. I have a tag for them on tumblr, I read fanfiction, I tried to write my own. I still follow Elias & want a third game. Elias liked my tweets about Adam and Jensen being an actual couple a few times. I'd say I interacted with all of this a lot? Still do, actually.

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

5. Best friends since childhood, fought & died for each other, still found their way back to each other. "It would break your Captain's heart, to see what they did to you." That only the MENTION of Steve can pull Bucky out of this brain washing(ed?) state, distract him in the middle of a fight. When Steve died in the comics because of Sharon & Tony sent Natasha to take Steve's shield from Bucky because even Tony knew how much Steve means to Bucky. And Bucky was like: "Oh, I see what he did. Not happening!" Fought Natasha (that is his ex in the comics) & kept going for Steve's sake.

Well, you see the point, I can go on and on.

11. How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

They're not actually canon so none? They had a few fights: In Civil war (the comics), in Homecoming (the movie).  That only means that they’ve got history & love each other.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

As fierce Grace is, they wouldn't stand a chance against Damon & Elena. Those two had to deal with worst thing than brainless stupid zombies. On the other hand, if there were no alive humans to drink their blood... It's either an animal diet that Damon hates so much or I don't know? Still, they're faster & more powerful. Their bodies have advantage of healing the wounds as well.

13. Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

From some people, yeah. Don't tell Athena, don't tell Vaughn, don't tell Fiona. Though Rhys wasn't very subtle about it & Jack just doesn't give a fuck. You will probably end up dead if you disagree or bore him, or if you're useless.

"I can take you to the top, but you gotta know where the top is" & Rhys doesn't tell anybody until Jack makes him the President for like whole 20 minutes lol.

Fiona & Sasha: "This can't be happening." Sure it can, darling.

14. Is 4 still together?

I have a headcanon about The Outsider finding Emily & Corvo after Billie frees him from the Void. He doesn't have anybody & they are his only friends aside from a potential friendship with Billie. And if we don't consider TOTO dlc, they definitely are! The Outsider visits them both when they sleep & takes them to the void sometimes. How could he not?

15. Is 10 canon?

Not really but also sort of? Let's say that they really care about each other in canon, despite Adam pushing Francis away because of his trauma & fear that Megan caused him. :/

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Can you imagine wizards fighting extremely powerful vampires? Superheroes with venom in their bodies that make them super strong with people that made a deal with the Devil himself (hi Le Bail)? 5000 y.o. God and his lover that share his powers and an augmented human protecting his tired IT guy? Combine mental health issues to that, Jack and Rhys with Batman and Joker. Corvo & The Outsider would probably slay them all as Corvo and Emily did in both games with entire islands, though it will still be a slaughter anyway.

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 5’s ship?

All the fucking time, lmaooo. I’m not even talking about it.

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

I feel like I already did with Steve & Bucky after many Marvel movies (we're not even mentioning Endg*me, I fucking died & was dead for full 4-5 months).

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 3’s tumblr page?

I used to do that a few years back, but not anymore. There is not much content since the trilogy is finished.

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

1 already went through it & fandom lives, so I'd say maybe 7? Rhys will find a way to bring Jack back & they are both so wild. It’s what happened in canon anyway. Jack kidnapped Lilith & forced her to do Angel's job, so I'd like to see that witch try at first. Jack is an immortal bastard. <3

Now that I think about it, Corvo would also deal with her in seconds as she waits to curse them.

As a conclusion: no one breaks up forever, we're killing the witch.

I tag: @ianmillkovichgallagher​ & @aledbr​

Whoever else wants to join the game, please do.

[sammys-magical-au]

YES THIS!!! 

Ppl always seem to be trying to make either Gwen or Jack the villain in these situations when… this is literally how relationships work, even with normal people who don’t hunt aliens for a living. People go through shit they don’t tell their friends about, they lash out unintentionally from trauma, things get said that get misunderstood, people get angry at each other and have arguments. That’s literally the point.

Is it healthy? No, not really. Jack would be far better off being honest with the others about what he went through, because it’d lighten the load on him and make him less likely to snap - and even if he did, it would be more likely that the others would understand why he acted the way he did. But from a fictional standpoint, it does offer a great opportunity to dissect Gwen and Jack’s characters, as well as the plot, and get good takes like this^.

Jack has suffered a great deal of trauma at the hands of the Master. Gwen is pissed off that he’s acting the way he is, and probably also pissed that he won’t tell her (or anyone, seemingly) why he left and what happened to him. And in turn when Gwen snaps at Jack, he’s hurt by it, but instead of backing down or admitting defeat, he gets angry. This creates tension between the two, which bubbles up whenever there’s a conflict (see: Sleeper, Meat, *ADRIFT*). That’s literally just their character dynamic. They’re close friends, but not quite close enough. Not close enough for Gwen to accept that some things aren’t really her business, or for Jack to accept that it might be better for him to admit when he’s wrong or show vulnerability.

I kinda had a conversation similar to this with my mom when we watched Meat, because she was confused as to why Jack got all choked up when he told Gwen it was either retcon Rhys or leave Torchwood forever - I think her exact words were “if she’s not meant to be the love interest, why is he crying?” - and I said something along the lines of it being because Gwen is Jack’s friend and he doesn’t really want to put her in this position, and he DEFINITELY doesn’t want her to leave Torchwood, but he knows she’s not going to retcon Rhys and at the time he wasn’t gonna let that slide, since Torchwood is meant to be a secret organization.

He doesn’t want her to leave because he doesn’t want to lose anybody else like he did during TYTNW, and even before then with people like Gray. Plus, the main thing that Jack loves about Gwen and made her such a good candidate for the job - her attachment to someone outside of Torchwood and her deep need to protect humanity - is also the thing that ends up hurting her (and in turn, Jack) the most, forcing her to choose between the man she loves and the job she loves.

But in the end, Gwen doesn’t choose, she stays in Torchwood and keeps Rhys in the loop. And even tho it’s not really what this post is about, I feel like it’s important to mention the relief and exhaustion in Gwen’s face when she finally tells Rhys about her job, even though he doesn’t believe her at first. Really amazing acting on Eve’s part, because she conveys how hard it was for Gwen to keep the secret from Rhys all these years REALLY fucking well.

And to add some TTAU tidbits/🚨and some spoilers🚨 (which I know y’all love, or maybe I just love including them and you guys are sick of me yammering about it but whatever, skip this part if you want), this is kinda similar to the way I write the dynamic of Gwen’s relationship with Sam, particularly in season one.

They have a similar tension here to what Gwen has with Jack in episodes like Sleeper and Meat; conflict and anger arising between them simply because they don’t fully understand each other’s perspectives. To Gwen, Sam is just a complete asshole who - especially nearer to the end of the first season when she’s started developing relationships with the other characters - singles Gwen out and targets her specifically in her anger.

Meanwhile, to Sam, Gwen is entirely wrong for the team and represents everything Sam never got - a normal and happy life, a loving family that never abused her, etc - in Sam’s eyes, Gwen just stumbled into the wrong place at the wrong time and reminded her of the things she never got, but when Gwen saw how cruel and scary the universe beyond her little world really was and didn’t become the callous, hateful person Sam had, it only made Sam dislike her more, because it only showed her that Gwen was not in the wrong, the people who hurt her were not in the wrong, the universe and all it had thrown at her were not in the wrong - but that Sam was, and that at the end of the day she was the villain in Gwen’s story because she was destined to destroy herself from the start, only seeing the person she could’ve been whenever she looked at Gwen, and being reminded of the fact that she could never be as good as her because, like she’d been told from a very young age, she was broken.

The twist happens when Gwen and Sam get a peek into each other’s memories, and Gwen learns the extent of the abuse and grief Sam suffered as a child and, on the flipside, Sam learns that life wasn’t always perfect for Gwen growing up and that Gwen was holding onto a lot of pain and trauma as well. This is where it really diverges from Gwen’s relationship with Jack, because Gwen never got to understand Jack’s trauma and feelings the way she did with Sam, nor did Jack really ever have that chance with Gwen.

HOWEVER, this is also where Sam’s relationship with Jack comes in, and why Sam really is a key character in TTAU - in the season two timeline Sam and Gwen have seen into each other’s memories and have a deeper understanding of each other, and their friendship has come a long way in Jack’s absence. And, in the grand scheme of things, Sam’s character is kind of a combination of Jack’s and Gwen’s - Sam comes from a background of extreme trauma, much like Jack; but she also has a family outside of Torchwood and wants to protect humanity as a whole, much like Gwen. Add in the fact that Sam is Jack’s biological ancestor and the dynamics between these three get WILD.

This is kinda why Sam begins to act as a mediator between Jack and Gwen in episodes like Meat, because she understands both of their perspectives and knows that deep down they both care deeply for each other, but are hesitant to be vulnerable with each other, which ultimately is hurting their relationship. But she can’t always stop them from fighting, nor is she always completely neutral in their arguments, especially in-

{BIG SPOILER WARNING FOR MY ADRIFT AU, WHICH IS CURRENTLY A WIP}

-Adrift (aka The Curious Case of Jonah Bevan, which is the current title of the TTAU version of this episode), when Sam takes Gwen’s side, since she doesn’t entirely understand Jack’s issue in this episode either. Plus, she’s still hurting a little from Jack’s three-month disappearance, which he has yet to open up to her or Gwen about. On top of that, Jonah’s mother’s plight reminds Sam of the way she felt when Jack left without a trace, and she wasn’t sure if he would ever return. During that time she was really just a panic-stricken parent worried about her child, same as Jonah’s mother.

However in the end, Gwen and Sam both manage to piece together that the real reason Jack is acting the way he is is out of hurt and fear of losing the people he cares about, both strengthening Jack’s bond with Sam and bringing his friendship with Gwen to a similar point of understanding and openness that Gwen and Sam have.

Anyway I’m sorry for the word-diarrhea all over your post but I really wanted to delve into this. Also I’m zooted on caffeine and watching a lot of GTLive so I’m gonna blame it on that.

Jack is unusually cruel in Sleeper, strangely lacking in kindness or empathy for Beth, and immediately jumping to 100 when Beth is implicated in the murders. This seems odd, until you remember that this is the second episode of season 2, meaning not too long ago, Jack was on the Valiant, being tortured by the Master (who we hear via Word of God had Jack’s team murdered during TYTNW). The Master was another murderous alien who took the form of a human, hidden in plain sight until the time came to put their plan into action. Jack sees Beth and is reminded of the Master, and the trauma he suffered at the Master’s hands.

Now, moving onto Meat, Gwen says something really unkind to Jack, telling him he ‘does have a heart after all’ when Jack decides they are going to try and save the Space Whale. Gwen never holds back from criticising Jack, that’s practically her job, and Rhys’s presence almost certainly has made Gwen shorter and harsher with Jack, but to accuse him of not having a heart when the pair of them are so close and affectionate is quite jarring. But Meat is two episodes on from Sleeper, so near in Gwen’s memory. Both cases involved innocents being exploited and harmed for nefarious purposes, Beth and the Space Whale. And then there’s Rhys, a civilian and Gwen’s love, being placed right in the firing line as well on Jack’s command, which further causes Gwen’s memories and grief over Beth to be pushed to the surface. 

I don’t think “you do have a heart after all” represents Gwen’s genuine view on Jack’s character, she knows his best parts, why else would she wait with him for days when everyone else gave him up for dead, but in that moment of intense fear and stress, Gwen lets out the anger she feels over the heartlessness Jack has shown on occasions, such as his treatment of Beth.