#rhia with everyone else: grumpy af

[consulaaris]

flickering in the night 

shepherds of haven

red antiqua x f! MC (rhiannon vasi)

1.1k words

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It’s not unusual for Rhiannon to have trouble sleeping (or rather, for her to avoid it to escape the nightmares). 

It is, however, unusual for her to encounter someone else during her nightly forays into the Shepherd’s compound common areas. 

At the moment Rhia is curled up in the middle of one of the couches, with a thick woolen cloak wrapped around her and a cup of khav in hand to ward off the chill. She finds herself staring off into the fireplace, the raging tempest of her mind calmed by the crackling flames. 

“Fancy seeing you here!”

Despite its enthusiastic tone the exclamation is quiet, but the interruption startles Rhia from her reverie and she blinks owlishly towards where the newcomer stands silhouetted in the doorway. She knows who it is, of course; she’d recognize Red’s voice anywhere (and realizes, somewhat ruefully, that she should’ve expected that he of all people would be awake at this hour). 

“I could say the same of you,” she says with a small smile, taking a sip of her khav. 

Red makes his way into the room, running a hand through his wild red hair and greeting her with a lopsided grin. “I lost track of the time again working on my research. You know the drill- once I get started…” He shrugs helplessly, and Rhia can’t help but chuckle in response, amused at how characteristic of him it all still feels.

“It’s nice to know some things haven't changed. What have you been working on these days?” She sets her mug down on a nearby table and pats a spot on the couch next to her, a silent invitation for him to join her there. 

His green eyes light up at the question as he takes a seat next to her, and Rhia shifts to face him. She’d always been genuinely interested in Red’s studies- though she’d never really had the time or passion to pursue her own when they were at the Circle, she’d loved listening to him ramble about whatever topic had caught his interest and contributing where she could. It’s an easy pattern to fall back into; and it’s nice, she thinks, to have someone she feels she can be more open with again. Their topic of conversation eventually shifts from magic to travels to their respective lives over the past decade, talking for what could have been minutes or hours (and it feels a little bit like maybe both of them are trying to catch up on missed time, clinging to the nostalgia of the way things used to be), before falling eventually into a companionable silence. 

Without even really realizing it, they’d moved closer to each other as they spoke- now only a few inches separating them. The energy between Rhiannon and Red is vaguely electric, although she’s not sure whether her own rekindled attraction to him is impacting her perception of the situation. 

Because when Rhia looks at him then, really looks at him, she thinks- not for the first time- that he is a beautiful thing. Her gray eyes trace the high planes of his face, the little scar on his chin, the faint freckles dusting his tanned skin. Illuminated by the flickering of the light his hair looks even more akin to molten flame, and she can’t help but feel like a moth drawn to the fire. But it’s not you who’s going to end up hurt, whispers the little voice in the back of her mind. She bites her lip, tries to ignore it, but when Red looks down to meet her gaze his face breaks into a gentle smile. There’s something almost unbearably tender in his expression, and more emotions than she can name burn in the back of Rhia’s throat, behind her eyes. 

Her lips part slightly, but no words come out.

Maybe that’s for the best. 

She wants to be gentle, to be open, to be as guilelessly honest with Red as he is with her. She tries, aches with the very force of it. But Rhiannon is a storm incarnate no matter how much she tries to bury it within herself, and she’s only ever brought destruction to the things she loves. So she is deeply, desperately afraid. Because she does love him; has been slowly, inevitably falling again since the moment he’d wrapped his arms around her when they’d met again at the Circle. Because no matter how much it scares her... she can’t deny that Red feels like home. And maybe it’s selfish but she can’t quite bring herself to give him up. 

So despite her better judgement Rhia finds herself curling closer to Red, resting her cheek on his shoulder. (If there’s a slight intake of breath as he wraps his arm around her in reply, then that’s no one’s business but hers.) He smells of books and ink and something vaguely sweet, and it’s as comforting as it is achingly familiar. 

“You know,” Red says after a moment of silence. “This reminds me a little of the times we stayed up late as kids in the Circle. All those late nights we spent goofing off, talking for hours…”

Rhiannon can hear rather than see the smile in his voice, and she snorts. “More like late nights making out, you mean.” 

His answering laughter is as bright as the sun, and Rhia’s heart flutters at the sound. “That too.” He pauses a moment, and she feels him shift slightly beside her. “I’ve missed you, Rhia. Missed this. I’m glad to have you back in my life.”

Red’s tone is affectionate and light, but there is an unspoken question in his words. Rhiannon knows how to answer- knows how she should answer- because it’s the same thing she’s been doing to everyone who’s tried to know her since she left the Circle all those years ago, pushing them away for their own safety so she won’t have to add to the constant shadow of guilt that already haunts her. But before she can even think it through her mouth is already forming a reply. 

“I missed you too,” she whispers. “A lot.”

“I’m glad we’re on the same page, then,” he says, and though Rhia isn’t entirely sure in which way he means, the quiet delight in his response is unmistakable. She’s still not certain she’d managed to keep the note of longing from entering her own voice, but if Red noticed he chooses not to say anything else in favor of drawing her closer and settling back into the couch. 

Neither of them say anything more, but laying there curled up against her former sweetheart Rhia feels… warm. Without even really meaning to, she begins to drift off to sleep- lulled by the steady rhythm of Red’s heartbeat- although if she had been a little more awake, she might’ve felt Red press a gentle kiss to the top of her head before falling into a deep slumber himself. 

In the morning, she’ll realize that it was the first night she’s slept in months without a nightmare.