#reza ghahremanzadeh

[fuckyeahqueerpoetry]

To Wong Foo: The Second Road Trip (By Reza Ghahremanzadeh)

Vida: I wonder who came up with the expression “hit the road.” I mean, it was obviously some Neanderthal man. No woman would inject violent undertones into a phrase that describes driving.

Noxie: You know what, Vida? You're right! He probably coined “pound the pavement” as well!

Chi-Chi: And all this nonsense about cars being women es loco. I think men are more like cars: They leak, they struggle to get going, and they guzzle fuel.

Noxie: I've certainly had to deal with a few leaky Chevrolets in my time!

Vida: Well, darlings, as Louise says, “You get what you settle for.”

Noxie: But some women didn't settle for that. Some men start off as limousines and then turn into the cars you see at the vehicle graveyard. What should those women do?

Vida: Get a bus pass!

Chi-Chi: Mamas, where are we going?

Vida: The Golden City, dear.

Chi-Chi: As in heaven?

Vida: As in San Francisco.

Noxie: Vida, remind me again why we're taking this trip?

Vida: Because, pumpkin, I need a break from New York and the ordeal of having to walk past Trump Tower every day. Think of this trip as a political detox.

Chi-Chi: I'm thinking of dyeing one of my wigs the same colour as Trump's hair.

Noxie: Chi-Chi, stop trying to make blonde happen! It's not going to happen.

Chi-Chi: Oh, yeah? Well, I hope you maintain the hair down below better than that nappy 'fro you got on ya head.

Vida: Come on now, ladies. Play nice.

Noxie: What's the itinerary?

Vida: Fleetwood Mac are playing at the Chase Centre on Saturday night. And yours truly got us tickets.

Noxie: (singing) Players only love you when they're playing!

Chi-Chi: Ain't that the truth!

Noxie: I just hope we don't run into any of those weird gay Trump supporters!

Vida: Dieu nous en garde!

Noxie: I mean, I understand that some fags have a thing for Mitt Romney. He's a zaddy.

Chi-Chi: I prefer his hijos, Matt and Tagg! What I wouldn't do to be inside that sandwich! Oh, Dios mío!

Noxie: And what exactly happens in this fantasy?

Chi-Chi: Well, you girls know I like it rough. So maybe they start off by throwing me on the bed and calling me names.

Noxie: Like what?

Chi-Chi: Like a “dirty little democrat” or a “pathetic little snowflake.”

Noxie: A dirty little democrat who needs to be punished?

Chi-Chi: Exactly!

Vida: Oh, ladies, you always find a way to lower the tone. Can't we try and have an intellectual conversation?

Chi-Chi: You picked the wrong queens for that!

Noxie: Speak for yourself! Anyway, what are we doing on the Sunday?

Vida: We're attending a fundraiser for Kamala Harris.

Noxie: Wait a minute, wasn't this trip supposed to be a political detox?

Vida: Well, darling, I'm willing to make an exception for our first female president.

[fuckyeahqueerpoetry]

Conversation with a Nun (A Poem by Reza Ghahremanzadeh)

Sister Edwards beckons me,

We step into her room,

“Every sinner,” she begins,

“Is bound to meet their doom.”

“And let me tell you this,” she adds,

“Hell is cruel and wild,

If I were you, I'd meet a girl,

Get wed & have a child.”

“I simply can't,” I say to her,

“'Cause, Sister, I am gay,

To build a family based on lies

Would only bring dismay.”

“I'll make this crystal clear,” she says,

“God does not like faggots,

And when you die, you won't be saved,

He'll leave you with the maggots.”

“I don't believe in God,” I say,

“Your words instil no dread,

And I am staying true to me

From now until I'm dead.”

“I cannot force a soul,” she says,

“To walk into his light,

But I have tried my very best,

Now get out of my sight.”

As I walk towards the door,

I sense her evil glare,

“One more thing,” I say to her,

“You're married to thin air.”

[beaboutitpress]

Utopian Universe (A Poem by Reza Ghahremanzadeh)

We’re standing in a special world

with beauty beyond measure,

it’s utopian and it’s dreamy,

a universe of pleasure.

Everywhere you look

there’s a glimmer or a glint,

the ground’s as soft as satin

and the air tastes just like mint.

It’s a place that is devoid

of violence, blood, and fights,

and every person’s aura

shines like neon lights.

The glass tree dances wildly

with the light that it reflects,

heartbeats beat in unison

and every soul connects.

The firmament above

performs some kind of spell,

a million different shades of blue

from teal to majorelle.

Everything is calm

and you never feel unsteady,

goddesses of the silver moon

throw stardust like confetti.

It’s a place where you can live

an eternally pure existence,

watch cowgirls ride their unicorns

off into the distance.

Everything’s weird and wonderful

but never out of place,

every field is covered

with sheets of sparkling lace.

People swim at night

in golden lakes and pools,

the flowers that grow upon the banks

glisten just like jewels.

Here your vision’s clear

and here your soul is stronger,

the days are sweet like candyfloss

but their sweetness lasts much longer.

[fuckyeahqueerpoetry]

A Trio of Limericks (By Reza Ghahremanzadeh)

Lustful Limerick

There once was a man called Joe,

Ten inches just bulging below,

He lit up a cig & told me, “It's big!”

I said, “Well, I'll give it a go!”

Lavender Limerick

There once was a twink called Brock,

His dick was as hard as a rock,

His electric shock treatment, so cruel & so frequent,

Failed to make him hate cock.

Lascivious Limerick

There once was a straight politician,

Anti-gay bills were his mission,

And yet, after ten, he'd go cruising for men!

*Sigh* The human condition.

[queerstoriesqdm]

Editor’s Note: The following submission is from Reza Ghahremanzadeh. Have an LGBTQ+ related experience or story to share? Having your article published on this site will automatically enrol you into a raffle to win a $50 Amazon Gift Card. Submit an article today via queerdeermedia.com. I should probably preface this piece by admitting that my outlook on life has become increasingly nihilistic over the last few years. [ 667 more words ] https://ift.tt/2wgkdrq - https://ift.tt/2wgkdrq

[fuckyeahqueerpoetry]

Divas 4 Life (A Poem by Reza Ghahremanzadeh)

Shirley Bassey, big band brassy,

Horne & Dandridge, sweet & classy,

Then there's Bey, the strut, the slay,

Fierce & fuckin' sassy.

Mariah Carey, range quite scary,

Girlgroup belters, Edwards (Perrie),

Enya, Kate, their songs are great,

Ethereal & airy.

Broadway stars, LuPone, Idina,

Soul survivor, gorgeous Tina,

A little jazz with some pizzazz,

Ella, Vaughan and Nina.

Regal Whitney, shiny Britney,

Worldwide tours, New York to Sydney,

They fall, they rise, they touch the skies,

More magical than Disney.

[fuckyeahqueerpoetry]

Rejection of the Succubus (A Poem by Reza Ghahremanzadeh)

The devil told the succubus,

“You must seduce a male,

And you only have till midnight,

So go and do not fail.”

The succubus went inside the room,

She climbed upon the bed,

She whispered in the man's left ear,

“I'm here to give you head.”

Kenneth Williams shot right up,

His face half-filled with fear,

“You're not my cup of tea,” he said.

“Remove yourself from here.”

The succubus was mortified,

She upped and left the room,

Searching for another male

Before she met her doom.

She rushed into another house,

Her heartbeat growing faster,

She whispered in the man's left ear,

“Tonight I am your master.”

Oscar Wilde rubbed both his eyes,

He looked her in the face,

“I'm sorry, dear,” he said to her.

“It's men that I embrace.”

The succubus screamed and cursed at him,

She stormed out from his home,

She knew that time was running out,

She'd soon be turned to stone.

She ran into a grand abode

And found the owner's chamber,

She climbed on top of him and said,

“Tonight you fuck a stranger!”

Cecil Beaton said to her,

“Your lust won't do the trick,

'Cause as you've probably heard, my dear,

I'm quite in love with dick.”

The succubus gave up there and then,

Surrendered to the hex,

And all three men went back to sleep

And dreamed about gay sex.