#reviews very much appreciated because this one took a lot out of me tbh

[nico-di-genova]

In My Mind, You are Safe

Chapter 4

Read on AO3

“Be safe,” Lance says, leaning down into the car enough that Fernando will hear him through his helmet. It is a bit like Deja vu, pulls at the dregs of a memory, Lance’s last moments in his own car that are still muddled.

Fernando glances up at him through his visor, nods, “Be back soon.”

It is a promise, soothes at the anxiety that prickles along Lance’s spine. Fernando is exceedingly careful in the car these days, in all the ways he can be when he’s doing 300 kph, because he knows Lance is sitting in the garage waiting for him.

Lance cannot race anymore, he’s prone to migraines, his right leg can’t withstand the force required to push down the pedal, the g-forces are a threat to his body that he’s so carefully spent a year putting back together. The FIA will not clear him, no matter how much money his father had tried to throw at them. Instead, Felipe has taken up permanent residence on what used to be his side of the garage - permanent until Yuki replaces him next year. The number 18 exists now only on the small decal Fernando has added to his own helmet, beside the victory cross. The gesture had only fueled the rumors about them, Lance being the first person Fernando greets when he gets out of the car now hadn’t helped.

They’re not subtle, but Lance has earned the luxury of not needing to be. Silverstone especially owes him this, considering it has tasted his blood, nearly claimed him like Lance was the sacrificial lamb brought to the alter. This was the race they had been preparing for, mentally, since Fernando first sat Lance down and explained he wasn’t ready to give up driving.

——————————————

There is an itch under his skin, one he can’t quite reach, when he sits behind a wheel - even if it is the leather wrapped wheel of his Aston Martin as he drives Lance to his physio appointment. His grip tightens around the brown leather, his foot presses harder on the pedal, Lance shoots him a look like he understands. Fernando thinks it looks a lot like jealousy.

They don’t talk about it, the F1 sized car that follows them like a backseat companion, the silent elephant in the room. But Fernando knows the further he pushes the gas, the more Lance looks like it physically pains him. He eases off, lets the speedometer drop back down to a safe range, grabs Lance’s hand that had been tensing around the fabric of his sweat pants and squeezes reassuringly.

Lance doesn’t say anything, doesn’t need to, Fernando can see the tick of his jaw out of the corner of his eye and knows they are close to the breaking point anyway.

———————————

“I want to go back,” Fernando says over dinner, when Lance is chewing a mouthful of roasted veggies and cannot immediately bite back. He tries to be gentle about it, even as he sees Lance’s shoulders tense.

They have been toeing this for months, Fernando snapping because they’ve been stationary in his London home for too long and Lance snapping back because it’s his body that is broken, not Fernando’s, as he likes to point out with spitting frustration. There have been fights, small at first, growing in the past few weeks. Fernando tries not to be mean, but Lance is good at cutting to the bone. They’ve been sleeping in separate rooms.

Lance swallows, stays quiet, his grip on the fork in his hand goes white knuckled. He does not meet Fernando’s eyes, but instead stares down at his plate with resolute defiance.

“I have talked with Lawrence-.”

Lance scoffs, drops the fork so it clatters against the glass top of the dining table. It skitters across the surface before reaching the edge and falling to the ground. Last week it had been Lance’s plate, glass shards exploding across the wood flooring. They’d been fighting about something stupid, the dishes Fernando had left in the sink, a distraction from the conversation Fernando is starting now.

“Lance-.”

“Fuck you,” Lance spits, shoves back from the table with enough force it shifts along the floor, scrapes the hardwood. Lance has been leaving his mark on Fernando’s home like he is trying to prove that he is still there.

“Lance, please-.”

He’s speaking to the retreating back of the man, standing himself because Lance is heading for his room and he wants to stop him before he’s speaking to a locked door.

“Lance-.”

He gets one hand around Lance’s bicep, the fabric of his hoodie, before Lance is jerking away and turning to face him.

“Don’t,” he warns, eyes already dark with the promise of a fight, lips already twisted into a pained scowl. Fernando can see the hurt in his expression, hates that he’s the one to keep putting it there.

“Please, let me explain,” he pleads, reaching for Lance again, needing to soothe the pain from him.

Lance steps back, shakes his head, “Fuck you, Fernando.” His voice is thick, clogged, promises tears even if they haven’t appeared yet.

Fernando swallows back the rising tide of his own.

“You said you wouldn’t go back until I did. You said that.”

“I know-“

“So you’re a fucking liar.”

“No-“

“You talked to my dad. Behind my back. To what? Set up another contract? Was it easier to negotiate now that you could hold caring for me over his head?” Lance wants to hurt him, is trying, stabbing with brutal efficiency because he is tired of being the only one hurting. Fernando gets another hand on him, Lance jerks back away from it like he’s been burned. They’re standing in the living room with their dinner forgotten behind them and Fernando can see the tears forming in Lance’s eyes but he doesn’t know how to stop them anymore.

“I would never Lance, you know this.”

“Do I?”

“Lance-“

“Just stop! Stop. I don’t want to have this conversation with you. Go back to racing, I don’t fucking care. Crash your own car into the wall and then maybe you can join me here again.”

Fernando swallows, blinks, sees Lance’s blood seeping between his fingers in the millisecond of darkness. Lance is still bleeding, and Fernando cannot stop it.

When Lance walks away again Fernando lets him go, jumps at the sound of the door slamming and tries not to think of the way it sounds like an Aston Martin crunching into the concrete.

——————————————

Lance does not go with Fernando to his first race back. Instead, he flies to Montreal and cries in his mother’s arms when she opens the door to him.

He couldn’t drive himself here from the airport, the sun had been too bright and his head had hurt too much and so he’d been forced into the backseat of a tinted SUV and dropped off on his mother’s doorstep. He’s wearing Fernando’s jacket, stolen from his closest as a final fuck you, or maybe a promise that he would be back to return it. It smells like the man, makes the sharp stab in his gut hurt even more. When his mother answers the door he crumples.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she soothes, as Lance sobs in her arms and tries to ignore the throbbing pain in his leg.

Right now Fernando is probably sliding into his race suit. Right now he is thinking of plan A, thinking of winning. Right now he is speaking with Felipe who is driving Lance’s car, with Lance’s team. Lance wonders if Fernando will fuck Felipe too, tell him he’s doing a good job, crash into him and send his whole world spiraling out of control along with his car.

“It hurts,” he cries, unable to tell if he means his body, or his head, or the gaping hole Fernando has left in his chest. It’s all the same at this point, indistinguishable.

———————————

“My son is with his mother,” Lawrence accuses.

Fernando, hair still damp from his shower, skin still flushed from the podium, has the decency to look ashamed. It only makes Lawrence angrier.

“He flew to Canada. Alone.”

“He is cleared to fly, Lawrence-”

“I told you. If you stayed you better mean it. So why is my ex-wife telling me Lance was crying on her doorstep?”

Lawrence can be an intimidating man when he means to be, when Lance isn’t around to make him appear only as a doting father. He makes sure to stand to his full height, tower over Fernando in his temporary office in the Aston Martin motorhome. Claire had told him Lance had only just fallen asleep, after the migraine pills had soaked in enough to make the rest come easier. She’d FaceTimed him while she was lying with Lance in his bed, the brown tufts of Lance’s hair just barely visible from where he was passed out in Claire’s lap. When she spoke, it had been in a berating hush.

Fernando must know about the flight, he doesn’t look shocked to hear Lance is not where he left him.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” he admits, hangs his head. “Racing, I am good at. It is what I know.”

“Yeah. It’s what Lance knew too.”

Fernando jerks like he’s been punched, looks up at Lawrence with shame and hurt.

“I wanted him to come back. I want him in the car beside me. I thought- I wanted to think he could.”

Both he and Lawrence know it’s a lie, both knew there was no chance of Lance racing again. Delusion could only go so far, and the scar on Lance’s abdomen was too large to ignore. When Fernando had asked for his seat back, Lawrence had given it to him on the condition that Lance agree. Instead, Lance is in Canada and Fernando is alone.

He’s wearing a hoodie that’s too big for him, is clearly one of Lance’s, Lawrence almost demands it back. But he is not cruel, and Fernando is hurting in much the same way his son is.

“I told you it wouldn’t be easy,” Lawrence sighs, “he’s stubborn, you’re hardheaded.”

“He is upset I came back,” Fernando mumbles, “I do not blame him.”

“He’s hurt that you could,” Lawrence corrects, places a hand on Fernando’s shoulder. It might be a comfort, or a threat, he isn’t sure which yet.

On the FaceTime Claire had demanded he fix this, while her hand was soothingly working its way through the tangled strands of Lance’s hair. He’s still trying to decide just how he’s going to do that. Fernando has been his friend, someone who he once would have trusted his son’s life with, and now he is the man who has nearly ripped Lance away from him, who Lance loves.

“You have time before the next race?” He asks, less of a question, more of a demand that he make the time.

Fernando thinks it over, nods.

“Book a flight to Montreal.”

——————————————

Lance sleeps a lot now, has little else to do to pass the time. He sleeps because the sheets he’s wrapped up in smell like home, because when his mom sits beside him he feels small and safe, because when he dreams it is the one place he can still be behind the wheel.

He dreams of winning, and wakes to the soured taste of failure. In the end, everyone was right, Lance is not a victor and he will never prove them wrong.

At some point he falls asleep and wakes to Fernando pressing a kiss to his temple, isn’t sure if he’s still dreaming. The scratch of his stubble, the scent of him, like rubber and pine, is strong enough that Lance chases it. His head lifts, his eyes flutter open, and Fernando is staring back at him.

“Nando?” He asks, groggy, reaching a hand blindly for Fernando and finding himself slightly startled when it meets his chin and doesn’t phase through. Sometimes he dreams of chasing Fernando, in the car, or on legs that sometimes don’t support his weight, watching the man slip out of his grasp when he does manage to catch him.

Fernando grabs his hand with his own, leans into Lance’s touch where he’s cradling his cheek. He’s kneeling beside Lance’s bed, in a position that would have Lance aching in two seconds if he tried it. Sometimes it’s funny to remember that Fernando is the older of the two of them. Ironic that Lance is the one who complains of sore joints now.

“Hey, churri,” Fernando greets, smiles softly. In the morning light filtering through Lance’s closed blinds his smile is muted, doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

The nickname is sweet, soothes over the cracked edges of Lance’s ripped open chest.

“How was the race?” He asks, as the last bits of sleep keep his mind foggy, makes him forget to be angry. Instead he is focused on how warm Fernando feels, on the fact that he is wearing one of Lance’s favorite hoodies - the one with the string pulled out because Lance had messed with it so much it had become frayed, made more sense just to remove it entirely.

Fernando grimaces, shakes his head, “I will tell you later.”

“Okay.”

“Can I lay here?” He nods at the sliver of empty space on the twin mattress behind Lance.

Lance nods, closes his eyes because his head is starting to ache again and sleep is the only way to stop it. Water too maybe, if he bothered to stay hydrated enough.

Fernando climbs onto the mattress beside him, nuzzles his nose against the nape of Lance’s neck and presses another stubble rough kiss there. His arm wrapped around Lance’s waist is gentle, hand splaying across his scarred abdomen like he’s trying to protect him from further harm.

Lance feels him breathe, the warm press of him along his back. It lulls him quickly back into unconsciousness.

———————————

Lance’s shirt rides up enough in his sleep that when Fernando wakes it’s to the rough edges of his scar against Fernando’s calloused fingers. Gross fascination has him tracing it, all the way up until he meets the end of it just below Lance’s ribs. He can feel the ghost of Lance’s heartbeat here, hear him snoring softly in his sleep. It’s healed now, the wound, which means that Fernando has not seen it since he stopped having to change the bandages. Lance doesn’t like him looking at it, avoids seeing it himself.

They stopped showering together, and they haven’t slept together since Lance’s accident. Fernando blames himself partly for the latter. Despite how much he wants to, he is afraid to hurt Lance further. Instead, he jerks off in the solitude of his room now and bites his hand to stop Lance’s name from spilling out of him.

“You don’t fuck me anymore,” Lance had complained one night, before the fighting had them sleeping separately, and Fernando hadn’t disagreed.

He is scared, afraid of the damage he has already caused, terrified of wreaking more. The scar under his fingers is proof, unfading, permanent, makes him feel sick with guilt.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers and presses another kiss to Lance’s neck. Lance has told him to stop apologizing, but he doesn’t think he could ever say it enough to absolve himself.

Lance will never race again, and Fernando is already back in the car. Because he is selfish, because he does not know how to sit still, because racing is all he knows and in caring for Lance he is scared he has only hurt him further.

Lance moans in his sleep, shifts back further against Fernando. Fernando holds him, fully, wholly, and hopes it will be enough.

—————————

“If you want me to stop, I will,” he says to Lance later, when they are sitting in the sunroom of Lance’s mother’s house. It’s warm only because of the heater set to high, the snow piling against the windows doing little to help.

Lance, bundled in a blanket and a beanie on the couch beside Fernando, stares at him. Looks hurt for only a second before his brows furrow and it becomes anger.

“What?”

“I’ll retire, if you want me to, I will do it,” he means it as a gesture of trust, as proof that he does not want to lose what they have. Even if not being in the car would make him a little crazy, even if he would always yearn for it.

Lance stares at him. He pulls the blanket tighter around himself, ducks down further into the fabric. It’s the comforter pulled from his bed, dark blue with grey stitching. Fernando wonders if it’s the same bedding he slept under as a teenager. Wonders if this is what Lance might have looked like when he occupied this space as a child.

“You mean more, Lance. More than racing, you know this.”

He isn’t sure what to expect but Lance’s response of, “Go fuck yourself, Nando,” certainly wasn’t at the top of his list.

“You don’t get to put this on me. Retire if you want, but don’t blame me for it.”

“That is not what I meant-“

“Yes it is, of course it is, because you don’t want to stop. You know you don’t. You just want me to tell you to and I’m not going to trap you here. I won’t be responsible for that.”

Fernando watches him, watches as the dim sunlight through the clouds catches the shine of tears in his eyes. Watches as Lance pulls the blanket impossibly tighter, like he’s trying to vanish inside of It. He wants to reach out, pull Lance to him, but is scared to shatter the feeble ground they’re resting on. Too many conversations between them have turned to arguments these past few weeks.

“Because it fucking sucks, man,” Lance sniffles, wipes at his eyes with the fabric of the comforter, “being on the other end, knowing you’re done. I won’t do that to you.”

But I did it to you, Fernando thinks. I did this.

Lance’s blood will not wash off his hands, will not stop dripping through his fingers. He is pressing as hard as he can and Lance is still looking up at him with fear blown eyes and a silent plea. He is mouthing Fernando’s name and all that is coming up is crimson that stains his lips.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispers into the quiet space of the sunroom. More of you because so much has already been taken by Fernando’s own hands.

“I won’t tell you to retire. Please don’t make me.”

“What do we do then?”

Lance shrugs, muffles his response against the comforter he folds further into, “I don’t know.”

———————————

Fernando races in Jeddah and Lance stays in Canada. His mind is scattered, unfocused, thinking of a kiss in the fresh snowfall that had felt like goodbye. Which is maybe why he taps the wall on lap 6 and ends his race in the barriers of turn 23.

Lance is the first missed call on his phone when he gets back to the garage. He calls him back immediately.

“Are you okay?” Lance asks, answering after two rings, sounding panicked in a way that is new. Fernando hates it, hates how he can hear the hitch in Lance’s voice.

“I’m fine, cariño, don’t worry. It was small.”

Lance sighs, shaky across the line, “you’re sure?”

“Already cleared by medical. About to go to the media pen now.”

Lance should know this, if he’d been watching as he so clearly had he would have seen how insignificant of a crash it was. Barely anything.

“But the wheel snapped hard, your hands-“

“Lance, I am okay. Promise.”

A bit sore maybe, from the straps digging into his chest, but no more than he’s already used to. Lance still sounds worried, his breath still hitching.

“Lance?”

“Sorry- fuck. Sorry,” he sniffles and it’s a wet sound, thick with snot.

“Baby,” Fernando soothes, feels the familiar guilt at the back of his mouth.

“I’m sorry. I don’t- I don’t know what’s happening,” Lance continues, breathing worsening. “I thought- it was- I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Lancito. You’re okay. Breathe baby, is okay.”

He’s standing with his race suit around his hips in the garage, hadn’t even made it to the privacy of his drivers room because he didn’t think this would be much of a phone call at all. His handler is standing in the back trying to flag him down for the media duties he’s probably currently missing. Lingering engineers keep shooting him confused looks. Lance is panicking on the other end of the line though, safe in Canada wrapped in the security of his childhood blanket and it still isn’t enough to quell his choked breathing.

“Lance. Listen to me. Please. I am okay.”

“O-okay.”

“Completely fine. Some bruising maybe, but is all.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want me to come home, you can see yourself?”

Home meaning to Lance, he doesn’t care whose house it is, as long as it’s Lance who’s opening the door for him.

There’s static on the other end of the line, Lance’s muffled hyperventilating and then, “Y-yeah. Yes, please.”

“Okay, let me finish up here and I’ll get on the next flight. It’s alright. All okay.”

“Okay,” Lance repeats.

Fernando thinks of blood, Lance who’d been choking on it, how Lance wouldn’t have been there to pull him from the wreckage if that’s what it had come to. He wonders if Lance is thinking the same thing.

“Breathe,” he commands one last time, waits until he can hear Lance drawing air into his lungs, and then promises to be home soon. In the media pen he is short, curt, excuses himself with a speed that is unlike him off the track and then rushes back to his drivers room to change. His assistant has already booked him a flight and sent the details to Lance, all handled while Fernando was explaining to SkySports how he had ended his race in the wall.

He thinks about retiring on the plane, has a text to Lawrence drafted, but can’t bring himself to hit send. After all, the crash hasn’t scared him, just made him hungry for the chance to do better in the next race.

————————

Lance doesn’t remember his crash, not outside of the YouTube footage and Fernando’s own account. He doesn’t remember being scared, feeling his body failing him as he bled out steadily on the gravel. But he maybe feels the ghost of it when Fernando crashes.

He tastes copper at the back of his throat, far enough back that it can’t be blamed on split skin when he bites at his bottom lip too hard. They replay the crash, slow it down to discuss the details and Lance feels sick.

He calls Fernando, even though he knows the man is still in the car, only just climbing out of it, and swallows down vomit when it goes to voicemail.

It’s only the front wing that’s damaged, buried in the tire wall. And Lance can see that, but he can’t stop shaking anyway.

His mother sits with him, holds his hand while Lance tries to breathe around his tears. It is perhaps the most vulnerable he’s been with her since he was a child, with anyone, usually trying to hide away on his own before he breaks down. But the panic coursing its way through him glues him to the couch and then keeps him there long after he’s off the phone with Fernando.

He drifts in and out of sleep, takes pills that are offered to him and sips water from a glass with shaky hands when it’s pressed to his lips. At some point someone brings him food, crackers and fruit that he picks at numbly before growing disinterested and falling back asleep.

When he wakes up next it’s with a pounding headache and to the darkness of night. His phone is the only light, bright and harsh, making him squint as he paws for it on the coffee table.

There are two missed calls and six texts from Fernando, the last of which reads ‘here’ and sent two minutes ago.

Lance, barefoot and in a thin sleep shirt, stumbles to the front door with blind relief. Throws it open, despite the snow and the harsh wind, and then flings himself into Fernando’s arms.

“See,” Fernando soothes, cradles the back of Lances head, “All okay.”

————————

“I will retire at the end of the year,” Fernando promises, once they’re back indoors and warming themselves by the fire started by the staff and left running for Lance’s benefit.

They’re curled up on the couch, Lance having stripped Fernando of his shirt so he can inspect the bruises left behind by the straps of the car. Fernando sits with his back sinking into the plush pillows beneath him and Lance sits straddling his lap. He’d buried his face in the crook of Fernando’s neck after inspecting him, ensuring the bruises were just that, and then cried silently while Fernando traced patterns along the ridges of his spine. And then they’d stayed like that because Lance had gone slack against him and his breathing had evened out.

“Give me the year, yes? And then I am done.”

He’d thought about it on the ride from the airport to here, fingers picking at the edge of his phone and biting the inside of his cheek. He’d weighed the cost of his career against the cost of losing Lance and found that F1 would never win in the end. Besides, there was always endurance racing, other series he could entertain himself with. Other things Lance could maybe even take part in. He’s thinking about taking Lance karting, loops around a track, just the two of them, where Lance can maybe start to build back toward something. Because he knows Lance is the same as him, deep down, misses the feel of a wheel in his hand in the same way Fernando had during his brief breaks. When you are raised on it, when it is the only thing you know, you grow to miss the taste of it.

Even if the taste has gone sour with fear.

“One more year?” Lance asks, chapped lips moving against the soft part of Fernando’s neck, “That’s what you want?”

“I want you, Lance. That’s it. It is not the same if you’re not there.” Which is true, Felipe does not race the same, is not as sensitive to the finer bits of the car, does not have the same easy presence that Lance had. It all feels wrong, not at all like the team Fernando had signed on to, even most of Felipe’s engineers are new. And sure, their results are better, but only barely. Lance could drive the car to its limit, Felipe is still too reserved.

The grid is changing as a whole too, enough that Fernando finds himself searching for familiar faces in a sea of strangers. But being here with Lance is easy, feels right, even if the man is heavy against him and the weight of him is making the bruises on his chest ache.

He would hurt for Lance, do anything for Lance, knows that it isn’t the car he wants to be with in ten years time, but the man in his lap. Lance has been here just as long as racing has almost, once as a child who had clung to his father and looked at Fernando with adoration, now as someone who Fernando would consider an equal. He means just as much as a championship might, more maybe.

“It’s you. Always you, okay?��

The car can crash, Fernando will always pull Lance out.

————————

Lawerence has been working his whole life to make Lance smile, and yet it is still Fernando that manages it so easily. Fernando who wins in Silverstone, who stands on the top step of the podium and showers first Max and Charles in champagne, and then turns to douse the crowd below him. It is Lance he aims for, stood beside Lawerence and beaming up at Fernando as the champagne spray showers them in sticky drops.

Lawrence watches his son, the way he cheers Fernando’s name with the crowd, the way he’s sporting Fernando’s team cap backwards on his head, the new one, with the 18 embroidered along Alonso’s number. Because it is not just himself the man is racing for this year, but Lance as well.

The FIA hadn’t wanted to allow the duel numbers at first, but while Lawerence could not buy Lance his health back, he could do this. So 18 finishes next to 14 on the podium, because both numbers are present on Fernando’s suit as well. It is Fernando who will earn the points, but it is Lance who Fernando celebrates.

Lance laughs beside him, and Lawrence cherishes the sound, lets it replace the fading memory of a heart monitor and silence. He lets the champagne soak into his suit, watches it coat Lance’s hoodie and Fernando, and he envisions it soaking away the blood that was spilled here a year ago. Envisions crimson giving way to sweet champagne and the audible sound of Lance calling Fernando’s name.

Fernando is no longer hooking a finger around Lance’s pinkie, praying he wakes up, afraid to touch any other part of him, instead he has slid a metal band onto his ring finger and it glints in the sunlight.

It is nearly as bright as Lance’s smile.

[simplylove101]

2024 Horror Challenge: [86/?]

↳“The solution for a claustrophobic astronaut is to give him more space.” Alien: Romulus (2024) dir. Fede Álvarez

Plot: While scavenging the deep ends of a derelict space station, a group of young space colonists come face to face with the most terrifying life form in the universe.

Starring: Cailee Spaeny, David Jonsson, Archie Renaux, Isabela Merced, Spike Fearn & Aileen Wu

Okay, I fell asleep as usual before I could type up my reviews for the movies I chose for my Halloween marathon. I settled on three (and then it turned out I had to trade one out because the first option was quickly turning into a dud watch & I just couldn't deal with that on Halloween of all nights They gotta be at least solid. lol) and this was one of them. My co-worker had warned me beforehand that it was just okay in his opinion, which doesn't necessarily mean anything cuz sometimes his taste is basic, but I will admit I don't think he was too far-off by saying that. I think it definitely got stronger in the second half with all the action-packed sequences but it took me a little while to really get invested at all. This isn't even because of bias of the superior Alien/Aliens movies (I appreciate Prometheus for what it is as well) but it doesn't really do enough to make the characters feel real and have their own personalities beyond serving the plot, besides the sister-foster brother/android relationship between Rain & Andy. The acting with them felt like a major highlight (Priscilla/Civil War fans will recognize the talented Cailee Spaeny & David Jonsson was in the very underrated Rye Lane last year) along with Isabela Merced showing her skills as a promising scream queen (I mean that quite literally btw by giving one of the best screams in horror imo) I knew she wouldn't be but spoiler alert, she should have been a final girl. welp lol Anyway, the rest of the cast is good with what they had to work with but as I said the script only gave them so much. The effects were really good tho and I appreciate Fede was trying to make sure he stayed as true as he could to the original movie since this takes place after it. I'm one of the people split on the usage of Ian Holm's likeness since Fede has been very open about the fact that he did it for the sake of the story but then Idk if that transparency makes it any better tbh since it's still a form of AI, is it not? And the man is dead. :/ Either way, there was too much of his character anyway so that doesn't help. It did feel like it relied a little too much on typical Alien tropes but then that's the trouble with some sequels/prequels sometimes. Not every trick is gonna hit every time since it'll feel repetitive. That said, I say this as someone who hasn't seen every Alien movie so I won't pretend to speak on true mega fans' behalf. Anyway, as I said, it took a minute to get me on board, but at least the finale was strong enough to be entertaining. Still, gotta say out of the three major Fede Álvarez movies, this was probably my least fave (but then I really like both Evil Dead & Don't Breathe which I own so lol) I am curious if I would have preferred this in the theater tho, because I feel like I might have with how epic they were trying to go with it. Crazy they were gonna just dump this on Hulu as if it wouldn't make a ton of money (spoiler alert: It made a lot) So, yeah, wanted to like it more but it wasn't all bad. Which is all I went in expecting so it was fine.

[naumin]

2022 in review

in an effort to blog about art on my art blog more i will be writing a post covering my work in 2022 and maybe some aspirations going forward into 2023

2022 was the year of learning to paint! at the beginning i was really frustrated, a lot of my pieces were very hit or miss and i couldnt tell why some sucked and some fuckd. i nibbled at some online courses for fundamentals, James Gurney’s Color & Light book and Marco Bucci’s painting videos, and was looking for a mentor at one point but i think i stopped cuz i broke my thumb briefly lol

a piece from december 2021 that is just a bit random and i think representative of my stabbing in the dark

studying...

in June i split a schoolism sub with emma and it was an amazing decision. i think if you have limited time to practice drawing or dont know where to go the best thing is to take a course, and ive taken cheap or free courses online but the tutors on schoolism are top of the industry and the quality of their teaching is stellar imo. literally felt my brain explode with knowledge they are the best of the best. i finished the painting workout course with wouter tulp and ive dipped in and out of numerous others since then. its cool bcus u can study at your own pace.

July was artfight, i did talk about it here so not gonna repeat myself heh

then i was really busy with my MA, its been so fun and so exhausting. a year is so short and i want to try all the printing techniques and ceramics and everything cry. but hey now i know indesign and can make my own zines and stuff which is amazing. i also tabled at my first market :) i did really like it and would love to do more, dont want to put pressure on myself to do that this year but at least wanna visit them and scope out the audiences and stuff.

school really is making me appreciate traditional art again, tbh it is nothing like digital. you just cant get that chaos or physical resistance from your materials in digital, everything is very deliberate and constructed and almost predictable. ive started to incorporate more traditional work into my pieces where i can, especially photobashing. i can use photos i offhandedly took years ago and it feels really nice to get to repurpose them.

a spread from my school project, a book about one of my passions (i chose the story of how i got into elden ring!!!) i made it from paper cutting, photobashing, and digital. (im going to sell pdf and physical copies in the new year)

so circling back to the start of the year, i think you can see marked progress in my illustrations that ive posted here. i think i learned a lot about techniques within a painting but i want to learn more about pictorial composition bcus my default tends to be 3:4, portrait, charas centre, and i want to break that habit and tell more effective stories :)

over the past 2 years ive been incorporating more realism into the characters i draw and trying to be really deliberate with what features, proportions etc they have.

a 2021 isa and a 2022 isa

i think i want to maintain this level of detail because its descriptive enough for my needs but i want to push it to be more dynamic and stylised. i really admire the way disney animators like jin kim do it. its because im not confident enough with structure and anatomy to really play with it.

on the other hand with life drawing i really want to do more realism and capture exactly whats in front of me because i think i rely on style as a crutch too much hahaha.

from december. proud of these!!!

thats whats on my mind really. again really dont want to put any undue pressure on myself and i am going to be really busy until october at least. i am seriously proud of my progress in 2022. and im really looking forward to playing bloodborne x

[triviareads]

ARC Review of Bed Me, Earl by Felicity Niven

Rating: 3.75/5 Heat Level: 3.5/5 Publication Date: November 9th

Premise:

Lady Caroline Haskett knows she will never marry, but she wants one night of pleasure with her brother's friend, Phineas, the Earl of Burchester. Phineas has no idea who she is after their one night together, but when he finds out, he quickly decides he wants to see more of her, any way he can.

My review:

This book felt quieter and more introspective compared to the two previous books in Felicity's Bed Me series. A part of that is because the external plot is fairly staid— they meet, there are some fundamental misunderstandings, they marry, and then finally come to love and understand one another. Another reason is because Caro has a lisp and a stutter (which the author wrote out phonetically in dialogue), and as a result she does not speak very much and a lot of her development is internal. It doesn't help that her father ensured she was isolated from society because he was ashamed, and that insecurity runs deep within Caro.

That insecurity also rolls over into her perceptions of love. Caro is self-possessed and very determined when she wants something (see: her initial seduction of Phineas), but she fundamentally doesn't believe anyone could love her, nor does she wish to love anyone because of the example her parents set for her. It was a little heartbreaking to read Caro agree to marry Phineas when she doubts that he truly understands her and thinks he will cheat as soon as he tires of her.

Phineas is a himbo hero; unserious, genial, and very much a sybarite. In some ways he is the partner Caro needs because he's honest and openly affectionate and nonjudgemental, but his attitude predictably hinders him as well. Caro does not take him seriously when he tells her he wants to marry her and tbh, neither did I, especially when he initially claimed to love her while barely knowing her.

I did come to appreciate the financial subplot that took up most of the latter half of the story— Phineas is spending beyond his means and Caro's disappointment in him and her brother for not making her aware of this before marriage felt all to real for the time period. Also, I DEEPLY appreciate the "you're pulling out until we're financially secure enough to have children" moment this led to. Again, it feels very realistic, and also, it made me laugh.

The sex:

Felicity Niven heroines tend to be super frank about their sexual wants in a way I find refreshing for the genre, and that pattern continues here starting with Caro swanning into Phin's bedchamber in the middle of the night and basically communicating her intentions by letting Phin grope her. This actually starts a pattern of communicating-by-way-of-groping which does go a bit awry when it ends with him dragging her to a corner of a bookshop for sex lol.

Felicity Niven had teased that Phineas uses the third person to refer to himself in bed. I was initially unsure how well that would work going into the book, but I can honestly say it did. Phin's a dirty talker and a talker in general, and Caro loves that.

Caro has a praise kink and a praise kink only; she genuinely does not like being called "bad" or "naughty" in bed and I'm glad Phin clocked that because she couldn't quite communicate that herself. Also, she has a spectacle fetish.

Bed Me, Baron had a couple who used sex as means of communication when other means of communicating failed them, but I think this book has a couple who have sex despite their inability to communicate. Even when they were in the depths of a misunderstanding, they had sex, however, it still emotionally dishonest if that makes sense. Caro and Phin actually had to talk it out afterwards

Overall:

Overall, I enjoyed Phin and Caro's romance. I think there were some middle bits, particularly after their marriage that felt like they dragged a little for me, but overall, this was another solid addition to Felicity Niven's Bed Me series and I look forward to the next books!

[lucky-clover-gazette]

12 and 20 for the book ask meme?

long answers ahead because books

12. any books that disappointed you?

yeah, but that's okay! i'm sure some people loved each of these, and others hate my faves. here are a few i read during my bookseller era, fall 2021-spring 2022, from my storygraph log:

the death of mrs. westaway by ruth ware (1.5 stars) - i love ruth ware's mysteries and thrillers so much, but this one just didn't go anywhere interesting or surprising. disappointing because it's ruth ware, and her debut in a dark, dark wood is a 5-star novel for me

my sister, the serial killer by oyinkan braithwaite (2 stars) - literally just my storygraph review: "I opened this book expecting a domestic thriller and got literary fiction. That's on me!" it's not a bad book by any means, just not what i was looking for. many many people appreciate this book for what it is, a darkly humorous lit fic about sibling relationships, and i'm genuinely glad it exists. my low star rating is not reflective of the book's quality, but my misinformed and therefore disappointing experience with it

nine perfect strangers by liane moriarty (3 stars) - the premise was so up my alley, because i love "things go terribly wrong in vacation or retreat-adjacent situations" stories, but hm. too many things bothered me here. the stakes were confused and the tone couldn't figure out out where it wanted to be, and a subplot involving teenage suicide (something i am admittedly very sensitive about) felt underdeveloped. this was my first liane moriarty and it didn't leave me itching to read more

i kissed a girl by jennet alexander (1 star) - this was my first attempt at reading a contemporary romance, because my coworkers at former bookstore job were/are avid fans of the genre and i wanted to understand their enthusiasm. and man... this is just not the genre for me. yeah i had some problems with this book specifically, but tbh i don't think it ever had a fair chance just being what it is. and being what it is, i'm sure many others absolutely adore it. i don't dislike the entire romance genre, though--biiiig fan of small-press lesbian pirate adventure-romance novels from the 2000s

i could list like a dozen generic domestic thrillers that just didn't pick up any speed, but i don't want to hurt any authors' feelings if they're looking for reviews that mention their names. point is, books are hit or miss, and i think it's interesting to analyze why something is disappointing with the same thoroughness i'd use for a book i love

20. What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

still counting my bookseller era as the "past year," as i took a break from reading novels after leaving the job and have only gotten back into it in the past few months.

insomnia by sarah pinborough - i already LOVED this author's work (especially fond of her trophy wives murdering rich men and being gay thriller dead to her) and i got an advanced copy of her latest release because bookseller. so it was special and anticipated both because i adore her writing, and i got it early!! the book actually surpassed my expectations by taking a lot of the themes of her previous works and, like, really nailing them. here's a snippet of my review, written right after reading it:

"I'm definitely sensing a pattern in [Pinborough's] thrillers: a very strong foundation in the real world, dealing with tangible traumatic events, but with the slightest hint of the mystical and spiritual. There's always a little bit of the unknown at the end of each book, but it's not unsatisfying in the way other twist endings tend to be. Her novels, at the end of the day, feel like they all take place in the same twisted world, where magic is just a little more possible than it is in ours."

[shazzeaslightnovels]

March 2023

(Series: Tensai Oujo to Tensai Reijou no Mahou Kakumei | Artist: Yuri Kisaragi)

No. of Reviews: 4

List of Reviews:

Urasekai Picnic 8

Tensei Oujo to Tensai Reijou no Mahou Kakumei 6

Aohal Devil 2

Danmachi 18

The Winter Anime Season has ended I have Thoughts on the shows I watched.

BOFURI 2 - This one had a rocky first half for me where it was very battle-focused and was starting to feel repetitive but it picked up a lot in the second half. I think once the concept of tame monsters was expanded with the other characters getting their own monsters was when I started to enjoy the series again. The best episode so far has definitely been Maple and Sally’s date episode where Kon and Syrup get power-ups. It was really cute and fun. This was delayed due to COVID so it hasn’t finished airing yet so I might touch back on this next month if anything changes but for now I think this is a solid season that’s not quite as good as the first but is still really enjoyable.

Danmachi 4 part 2 - While I’m glad J.C. Staff decided to give this plot more room to breathe in the anime than they have previous story arcs, I definitely found that it dragged far more than than the novel did. These volume are LONG and I was fine with that in the light novel format because I was able to read them at my own pace but having to be stuck in this plot for week after week with the situation changing little each week really made this season hard to keep interest in. It doesn’t help that it follows a few different groups and it became harder to keep track of who was where. I think this season might work better if it’s binged rather than watched weekly. I do want to give massive props to Saori Hayami though. She was fantastic and really made those emotional scenes land. I do also kind of wish there was one more episode as well to try to end the season on a more lighthearted note. Either an anime original episode, or one adapting parts of volume 15 or, even though it’s meant to take place earlier in the story, it would have been great to have gotten a condensed version of the first story from Familia Chronicle Episode Lyu. I just feel like a light hearted episode would have given us more catharsis after being stuck in this darker storyline for 11 weeks. Still a good season though, especially if you like Lyu, and I look forward to the inevitable season 5.

Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady - A perfect adaptation that reminded me of what makes this series special. The adaptation made the already stellar character work shine. I really enjoyed watching it every week and I’m so glad that Diomedea gave this series the love that it deserves. Also, watching the anime made me appreciate Tilty more. She didn’t make much of an impression on me in the light novels but the anime really made her stand out more. I probably wouldn’t want a second season given how directionless the story feels after volume 3 but it would be cool to see an OVA focusing on Lainie and Ilia and how they get together.

Misfit of Demon Academy 2 - I caught up on this one the week the delay was announced RIP. This season has had a fairly interesting storyline but it’s also messy and confusing and I was already struggling to understand it so this break isn’t going to do it any favors. I’ll probably touch back on this one at the end of Spring season but tbh I don’t remember much from the last episode I watched and I don’t really want to rewatch it so I might give up on it.

Digimon Ghost Game - Caught up on this as soon as it’s end date was announced. And while I don’t regret finishing it, I’m also really glad that I put it on hold when I did because that was such a disappointing finale and I would have been much more pissed about it had I not taken that break. Ghost Game started out so good with a lot of intriguing set-up and fun mysteries but pay-offs for all of those mysteries were really disappointing. It took far too long to advance the plot and when it finally did, the plot was rushed. It suffers from all of the same problems that the Adventure remake did. At least with this one I enjoyed a lot of the stand-alone episdoes so I’ll give it that. And I also want to give big props for Sawashiro Miyuki’s performance as Gammamon as that’s a major reason why I stuck around for so long and why I probably will rewatch this in the future to see if it holds up better if it’s not consumed weekly.

Next season, I am obviously hyped for the second half of The Witch from Mercury and I’m also looking forward to Yuri is my Job which I’ve read some of the manga volumes for and enjoyed. I really want to try Pokemon Horizons. I finally got a switch over christmas because Scarlet/Violet looked so freaking good and I really enjoyed it and it got me back into the franchise. It was my first pokemon game since Black/White 2 because I never got a 3DS so you can imagine how blown away I was by how many advancements the franchise has made. So I want to watch the anime, especially because Sprigatito’s in it, but it’s gonna depend on if I can find a place to watch it weekly in Japanese because I want to hear Suzuki Minori. I’m pretty sure I should be able to watch it with a VPN but we’ll see. Otherwise, I really like the key visuals for The Galaxy Next Door. The plot doesn’t seem all that interesting but I’ll probably check out the first episode.

[rrxnjun]

I JUST FINISHED BLONDES ARE DONE WITH FUN AND WHEN I TELL U MY JAW IS JUST DEOPPED IM NOT EVEN KIDDING MY NEW FAV FIC FROM U DUDE IM SO AJJDJFNFN THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTS JUST HAECHAN>>> (although my heart broke a little when yunjin became a cheater my gf would never/j💔💔💔) AND THE WHOLE STORY LINE WAS JUST SO AMAZING I LOVED IT SO MUCH I WAS LAUGHING SO MUCH AT SO MANY PARTS BUT IMAGINING JISUNG BEING JUST THROWN UP AND DOWN IN THE AIR JUST TOOK ME OUT FOR LIKE A SOLID MINUTE BUT THE WAY RENJUN JUST ALWAYS KNEW WHAT WAS IN THE MAIN CHARACTERS HEAD IS JUST SO;-;-;;-;-;-;;-;-; AND THE WHOLE BUILD UP UNTIL THE END I JUST LOVED READING ABOUT THEM GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER BUTTTT I WAS A BROKEN MAN I EVEN SHED A TEAR KINDA CUZ I WAS SO SHOCKED THAT RENJUN A YUNJIN WHAT NOW BUT THE ENDING SCENE(?) MADE IT ALL JUST SO WHOLE AND SO AMAZING AND SO MCUH BETTER THAN IF THEY WOULDVE JUST IMMEDIATELY GOTTEN TOGETHERRR AND LIKE WHEN I TELL U THE WAY U WROTE DOWN ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HE NOTICED AND DID FOR HER TO SHOW HIS LOVE AND EVERYTHING I WAS LIKE NO WAY THIS IS TOO SWEET AND CUTE AND WAHHH I JUST LOVED IT SO MUCH;-;-;;-;-;-;-;-;;

sorry for everything that i wrote being just all over the place but my brain is just going brrrrrrrr from how amazing it waaaassss;-;-;-;-;-; i loved it so muccchhh actually became one of my new favs from u it was worth it to stay up reading it my god!!! this is probably not a good review and it also probably doesn't even make much sense but thank u so much for writing this master piece waahhhh!!!! (liebestraum anon)

OMGOMGOMG THANK U!!!!!!!! I LOVE MY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT HAHAHA also hyucks appearances in the fic truly speak volumes abt my hyuck brainrot. IM SORRY FOR MAKING YUNJIN A CHEATER BUT TO MAKE THIS BETTER I ONLY USED HER NAME BECAUSE I HAVE A CRUSH ON HER LMAOOOO I DONT STAN LE SSERAFIM SO I KNOW NOTHING ABT HER BUT SHES SO PRETTY THAT I HAD TO USE HER AHAHAHA

i think this is how jisungs bday party would have gone if they didnt have the rooftop fight LMAO. also renjun is very in tune with everyone's emotions i think,, and with his own too, which is what i tried to portray in the fic as well!! AAA THE BUILDUP!! i wrote the scenes all scattered so i like skipped a lot and then came back (to the shelter scene or the libraray scene for example) so the fic wasnt written in order but the last few parts were and i think that made the tension build up the most!!! the hair dye scene is what i wanted to write ever since the pictures of renjun in the bathtub came out tbh. the last scene is me once again unleashing my inner john green so im glad u liked it <33 ALSO ME WRITING ABT ALL THE THINGS HE DID FOR HER AHAHA I JUST LIKE MEN BEING SIMPS IM SORRY

thank u for sending this in omg i love it when ppl do this the messier the better <3333 i appreciate this so much also blonde by parx came on shuffle as i was writing this reply i almost shat my pants

[lutawolf]

Hello Luta!

I was going through various blogs discussing BLs and ended up at yours. I'm glad to have read your review about unforgotten Night. I couldn't even properly watch ep 1 and I had to drop it cuz the acting, chemistry between the actors, and its ambience didn't reach anywhere near I had expected. It kind of felt cartoonish and honestly if some random guy took my drunk ass off to bed with chains and whips....that'd be a nightmare. As far as I have delved into this world, I am a soft sub...and is not into SM. Even if I was not able to point out everything that was wrong with the first time of the 2 main leads...watching it felt like all my instincts were screaming RUN! The crying boy in the beginning itself made me feel like entering a red flag territory. So many things felt off about the bed scene of the lead couple.

Hearing that the series was complete, I was contemplating whether it was worth giving another shot, cuz I saw posts on twitter saying they will miss it and wanted a second season......and then I came across your review.

and THANK GOD!!! Everytime I read what you and Iffy wrote I was like "yup thats exactly what it was and why I had to drop it".

tbh...From a show that was very much out there promoting under BDSM and SM, I felt nothing dominating from Kamol (?) that is supposed to a sadistic Dom (ur posts confirmed it for me...LOL). It more felt like a child trying to be one....I do feel bad saying it cuz I know the actors put in a lot of effort...but thats just how it felt to me.

On the other hand, I got the perfect Dom from a character in a series that I least expected... Payu in Love in the Air had me breathing hard. I'm going off topic....

BUT...what I wanted to say was THANK YOU!! I was thinking that if Love in the Air was able to do that good with Payu and Rain, maybe Unforgotten night that is actively promoting with its BDSM element might have done better and that maybe it was because I am not into SM that I didn't like it and it may get better and so on. But ur review made me realize that nah....its pretty shitty. Period. I had a good laugh reading both ur reviews though..It was great and fun.

So Thank you once again for taking your time and effort into writing these reviews!!

-Pinky

Hey Hey pinky!!!

I absolutely adore the actors in Unforgotten Night. I think a lot of things caused this to crash. 1) I think the actors are completely unfamiliar with S/m never mind that was what they were supposed to be portraying. 2)They didn't have a BDSM consultant and just swung at it, but they sadly missed the ball by a mile.

I've heard this so many times. Unforgotten Night was marketed for the BDSM aspect and it just fell through the cracks. The people who like it are people who liked the show that shall not be named. And look I'm not knocking it, I'm knocking anyone who is calling that accurate BDSM. I'll send them to my seventeen year old who screamed at the show with me on the inaccuracies.

However, LITA was not marketed to us but watch it once and you know it's made for Kinksters. Which was smart honestly because we were the ones that tuned in for TharnType. I could do a whole as breakdown of the No Kink portrayed in it but I absolutely get why people didn't see it. This time they went in knowing who would be interested, how to accurately show it and they are doing it. Payu is a solid Dom. I've really like him as the Sadist/Dom to the D/s relationship.

Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed both reviews. I'm thrilled that people enjoy my special brand of humor. I realize that I'm a unique taste, lol. I really appreciate all the support. 💜💜💜

[oodlyenough]

life is strange true colours review

the non spoilery part: i LOVED this game, my personal fave game this year and the first franchise entry since the original that has really resonated with or moved me.

it's a life is strange game through and through, so if you don't like slice of life episodes or bonding with NPCs, it's not gonna be for you. but if you like the franchise, or even if you liked the first game but haven't been interested in/liked the other two instalments, i recommend giving this one a chance. i think it got closer to figuring out the formula while still doing something new and interesting.

more detailed spoilers and opinions:

alex

holy shit i love alex? bisexual chad... my darling... i'm gonna be real, a lot of the trailers and promo for this game made me worried she'd be kind of a dull wallflower Soft Girl character, but she's not! she's so funny, and even parts of her characterization i initially thought were maybe a bit of a stretch ended up making sense as i learned more about her. she stole the show. i straight up forgot how much loving the protag helps enjoyment of these kinds of games lmao ... finally a reason to click on everything in the room: to hear what alex will say about it.

i thought her backstory exploration in ep 5 especially was wonderful and emotive and great. broke my heart and explained so much about her :( baby girl

plot/choices

i loved the mystery. i don't think it was quite as Mysterious as the mystery in lis1, but that was okay, i was still invested in solving it. i also got invested enough in the NPCs around the town to make all the exploration bits really fun. i loved eavesdropping on the sagas of the random NPCs like bald man and ice cream couple... just fun little touches and narratives to follow that i enjoyed.

i really appreciated this script not being afraid to shy away from some messier emotions, even if in some cases i wish we spent more time on them. for example: alex feeling a bit jealous of the other people in town that got to know gabe better than her/spend more time with him than she did. or charlotte hating ethan!!! my jaw dropped, i thought that was so good, what a messy but realistic response.

I'm not entirely sure what all the ramifications of different choices are at this point, fresh off my first play. i ended up getting only part of the council to stand with me (eleanor & duckie) while losing pike and charlotte.

i do wish we saw a bit more fallout or exploration of what taking away emotion DOES. i took charlotte's anger, and obviously it meant she didn't stand up for me in the council meeting, but where does she go from there? does she like... ever return to feeling emotions lmao... I also think we probably should've had the opportunity to do that another time, instead of just 2 isolated events -- I think Diane would've been a good candidate.

the romance

i romanced steph, ofc, but i was surprised during the game how drawn i was to ryan too -- i really liked that Drama of him being the one who cut Gabe free, as well as later the drama of him being Jed's son. UNTIL HE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME... that made me mad lmfao, i have to learn what to do to make him believe me before i play a Ryan route bc i'll kill him lmfao.

the steph/alex romance was sweet... it didn't really, like, Consume Me as a ship, but by the end of the game I was still "aww"ing at their moments in the flashforward. steph was more rounded and flawed than i thought she might be, which i really appreciated! i was worried they'd just make her perfect idealized gf, but she has a bit of a temper and is kind of tempestuous and stuff... liked it. loved her standing up for alex so fiercely and immediately at the council meeting <3 and my main reservation about her in ep 4 was that i wanted alex to stay in haven, so when she offered to stay i was thrilled LOL

one semi-complaint i had was that something i loved so much about lis1 was how max and chloe's relationship was central to the entire game and story, it wasn't some extra thing on the side, it WAS the game... whereas here, the romance routes, especially steph's, felt like sidequests. I wish they'd found a way to incorporate those relationships a bit more into the main goings-on. I also wanted to spend more time with either romance option to feel like I knew them better -- splitting the time between Steph and Ryan means that I came away feeling like I didn't get quite as much of either of them as I would've liked, vs spending almost the entire game with Chloe lol.

however, this ended up not really bothering me too much because I DID really like the core mystery and themes, the exploration of grief and Emotion, etc.

other characters

considering everyone knew going into the game that gabe was going to die, i was impressed with how they did it, and how they managed to get me attached to gabe in a mere single episode. it's a tall order to introduce a character designed to die, who your audience KNOWS is going to die, and still make them work.

i thought this supporting cast was ... maybe the strongest in the franchise? or at least, they created scenarios where i felt invested in multiple people in the town, and was genuinely trying to build decent relationships with most of them. duckie cracked me tf up, i liked eleanor and riley, even diane and jeb were good for their roles. (fuck pike. i signed ur stupid thing and left your emotions alone and you still won't do shit? ACAB!!!) the choice to stay in haven or leave was a little harder than i expected honestly, considering how quickly i let arcadia bay burn to the ground lmfao.

gameplay/etc

also i know the whole internet has been dunking on "empathy" as a super power since the game was announced, and i get that it sounds corny and looks corny in the trailers, but i thought how they did it was really cool. i wish they'd branded it "Mindreading" more than empathy tbh because a lot of the cooler elements of it are more along those lines... using her power to manipulate people, potentially taking people's emotions away and what that does to them... very interesting imo!

i really liked the memory feature!!! cool way to give us character exposition and inform the story while encouraging exploration. finally a collectible that like, expands the story, instead of chloe drawing butts on the wall and sean taking 10 years to draw something.

it's definitely the most evolved-feeling LIS game, which it should be, given it's the newest. graphics looked really nice, loved getting to see the characters actually emote, even if there are still some scenes that were a lil comically blank-faced -- usually NPCs. i actually noticed this with Jed the most, which in retrospect maybe was somewhat intentional?

i had a number of visual glitches, nothing major but a little silly, like T-posing Alex, npcs t-posing in the windows, etc. i'm sure they'll get patched out soon.

anyway... i rly liked this game, i'm excited for the steph dlc and finally feel like i have reason to be optimistic about future LIS instalments. hooray!

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2022!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

___

217. Blood Like Fate by Liselle Sambury--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I received a copy from the publisher. This did not affect my rating in any way. I was curious about how this book would go because I will admit that I was a little overwhelmed by the first book. I just remember thinking that there was a lot going on and that the story could use a little trimming. BUT. Although it took me a little bit to get into this one because it had been a while since I'd read the first book, I grew to really appreciate where Sambury took this book. There were some instances where I wanted to punch some characters in the face because that good old empathy for the MC was coming in hot, but I, like her, grew to understand the MC's personal growth and how she was viewed by the other characters affected by her actions and decisions. I think that this is a really good portrayal of what it might look like when someone so young is given so much unwanted responsibility. Also, how it looks when that wariness for said responsibility is constantly being reinforced by the adults around the young person. Instead of offering support, judgment was the MC's keeper. Although, in retrospect, she DID make some very bad choices in book one and this book was essentially a "you reap what you sow" type of situation. There were also some really sad twists in this that took me by surprise and genuinely had me with my jaw dropping. This was a great conclusion to this duology because we DID get some conclusions to the multiple storylines introduced to the first book. I did think the climax of the story was a little too soft and there were definitely things that could have been trimmed down, but to be honest, for a debut? This was pretty impressive and a big story to write. I'd recommend this duology to anyone who loves a fantasy set in Toronto, and for anyone who likes seeing some serious character growth!

___

218. A Proposal They Can’t Refuse by Natalie Caña--⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

This popped up on my radar earlier this year and I was immediately intrigued, especially because it is Latine rep! Plus, enemies to lovers childhood friends? Yes, please. AND fake relationships?! Extra yes, please!! I listened to this one during an overnight I had to do for work and it went by incredibly quickly. It was interesting and pulled me in right from the beginning, although I could see where it was going from the moment a hint of the final climactic situation popped up. While I loved the rep in this and the Spanish (so glad the voice narrator did justice to the Spanish accents), I was immediately reminded of this post I saw once where you could tell the difference between a book written with the white reader's gaze in mind and not necessarily with the Latine reader's gaze. This book explained every single instance where Spanish or Spanish food was introduced. I'm talking a translating sentence for every Spanish one spoken. I absolutely disliked that because it felt so...redundant for me and I can only imagine that it might also feel redundant for others who speak Spanish. I get why it's done, but also...let people translate sentences themselves because doing so every time is jarring and immediately pulled me out of the story. Anyway, 3.5 for the story and angst and enemies to lovers, but not higher because the translating and white-explaining of everything was annoying.

___

219. Because of Low by Abbi Glines--⭐️⭐️

RE-READ August 2022 This book was so cringe. I updated my rating. This had the whole "Innocent girl is sexy" thing and it kind of creeped me out tbh. Especially when the female MC asked the love interest what he was doing and he said that he was watching her sleep and she said something along the lines of, "He was always so sweet to me." I just remember stopping and laughing because wtf. Anyway, yeah, this was no bueno and just eh. So much worse than the first book tbh. But I also get that this was a regular theme and trope in the early 2010s when it came to new adult romance--where the beautiful, white (usually blonde or redhead) was put on a pedestal because she's this symbol of beautiful purity that didn't know she was beautiful until the hot (usually rich) white dude came in and saved her. Which, in retrospect is a trope in another book of Glines' that I love but you know, I am willing to turn a blind eye sometimes when the book drama is too yummy to look away from. But this was dull and just, *shrug*. Anyway, yay. Throwback. LOL. Also, I read this for the first time NINE years ago. Wow, my mentality has hella changed, which begs the question: How will readers the same age as I was the year I read this think of their current obsessions with romances involving borderline psychotic or stalkerish love interests?

___

220. Hot for Teacher by Whitley Cox--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I read this on vacation so I will just do a bullet point type of review based on my notes: 1. Loved the mother/daughter relationship 2. Loved that they both respected the mother/daughter relationship (the female MC and the love interest) 3. Loved the anticipation of the spice and the drama. 4. Didn't love how wishy-washy the female MC was, even though I understand her situation. 5. The perfect start to a series that I now really want to continue! I'd recommend this for anyone who wants a 3.5/5 spice level romance between a widowed young mother and a nerdy but surprisingly sexy teacher who was once the female MC's very young teacher in high school. Also, if you love dual perspective narratives!

___

221. The Sweetest Oblivion by Danielle Lori--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I get the appeal of this but...it wasn't my favourite. I read this on vacation, so I will do a bullet form type of review from my notes: 1. Mob romances are always intriguing to me because the romance is a different but enticing level of dark. The kind you would never want for yourself, but you find spicy because of the separation of fiction and real life. 2. The male MC had a great character arc. I think he changed and grew a lot more than the female MC. 3. The female MC was a bit stagnant--she was the classic "great and innocent beauty...or is she?" trope. And I am still on the fence how I feel about that trope. Sometimes I love it, but usually I find it annoying. 4. This had a miscommunication trope as the main conflict and I hated that so much. 5. This book felt like it would never end. It felt so LONG and sorry, but also kind of boring. 6. This was a lot more of a slowburn than I thought it would be--which I normally love, but I found it boring in this instance. 7. There WAS some good spice in this, but not as much as I was expecting. I don't think I'm going to be reading the next book. I don't know if this author is for me.

___

222. Blind Side by Kandi Steiner--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I read this on vacation, so here is a simple review: 1. Loved the fake dating trope. 2. The spice was incredible. 3. Love that the female MC was a romance lover because the tropes were met with the irony (like the moment where a guy mentioned that she was "not like other girls" and she cringed because she hated that trope.) 4. Ran a little long in some instances, but then we didn't get to see some scenes that I would have loved to see. Main reason for the lost star in the rating is because we were told of these scenes rather than shown them. 5. Not my favourite sports romance, but it was overall enjoyable and I would definitely recommend it. Especially if you love fake dating, friends to lovers, and very very spicy moments.

___

Have you read any of these? Would you recommend them?

___

Happy reading!

[joyful-soul-collector]

Irondad Fanfic Rec List: Part 1

Tony helps Peter calm down from a panic attack by @jen27ny

Summary: Exactly what it says on the tin

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Peter has Anxiety, Peter has a Panic Attack

Review: This story was really nice! I have anxiety as well and while my panic attacks are usually caused by something, it's nice to see a story where it just happened for no reason, as I know I lot of people have that problem too. Very well written!

❄️

Steve, Tony, and Peter are kidnapped by @jen27ny

Summary: Tony, Peter, Steve and maybe other Avengers are captured. Bad people try torturing the Super Soldiers with sensory stuff and they assumed Peter Parker isn't a threat so he can't react to the pain and give it away that he's a Super

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Tony & Steve, Peter & Steve, Kidnapping, Torture, BAMF Peter Parker

Review: This was a great story! I loved how Tony's emotions and panic were described, and how brave Peter was throughout the story even though he was hurting so badly.

❄️

Peter Revs his Engine by punkybunny

Summary: "It was silly and embarrassing and just plain weird. That night, as Peter lay staring at his phone, he tried to force down the rumble rising in his chest as his hoodie's residual warmth spread through his limbs and his eyelids grew heavy. He wouldn't tell anyone. He wouldn't purr. Peter Parker didn't purr. He was a human, not some sort of freak."

Aka Peter purrs and tries to keep it a secret because he's embarrassed. Surprise: that doesn't last long.

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Peter Purrs, Peter Acts Like A Spider, Touch-Starved Peter Parker

Review: Oh. My. GOD. This was honestly one of the cutest fics I've ever read. This is the first time I've read a fic where Peter purrs like the Wolf Spider does, even though I've known this trope existed in fanfic. This story was just so precious and nice, I loved every single word. DEFINITELY writing a fic inspired by it tbh, this is just too cute

❄️

Give Him The Life, That I Couldn’t Give You by @superherotiger

Summary: “Please don’t take him from me,” Tony whispered, voice breaking like fragile glass. “Please Jarvis, don’t take him… I’d do anything- anything… please…”

And I would do anything for you, Master Tony…

Inhaling sharply, Jarvis hardened his resolve from the overwhelming panic moments ago and said evenly “I cannot disobey your father’s orders, Master Tony. It would be wise to pack young Peter’s necessities now.”

An agonized cry became muffled into his back, and it took all of Jarvis’s will power not to break down right then and there. But he had to be strong. For Tony, and for Peter

…

Seventeen year old Tony Stark is faced with the horrifying reality that his father is going to take his new-born son Peter away from him by morning, but there has always been someone in his corner, and Jarvis is determined to keep father and son together.

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Tony & Edwin Jarvis, Bio Dad Tony, Baby Peter, Howard Stark’s A+ Parenting, Teenage Pregnancy, Edwin Jarvis Acting As Tony Stark’s Parental Figure

Review:  This story was so so sweet and amazing. I LOVE Jarvis so much in this fic and I loved that Tony named his son after him, Peter Edwin Stark. That just melted my heart man

❄️

“I’m not a little kid” by @jen27ny

Summary: Tony can underestimate Peter sometimes

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Overprotective Tony, BAMF Peter Parker

Review: This story was really good! I always love a good Overprotective Tony fic, and this one portrayed his father-like worry really well!

❄️

A Sunflower’s Bloom by @littlemissagrafina (Pt. 3 of Remember the sun, little flower)

Summary: Kneeling down, Tony lifted Peter to his feet by his shoulders instead of pulling him up by his arm. As soon as the teenager was standing, Tony was fussing over him, grabbing a clean rag (now conveniently wet from the sprinklers) from a nearby table and wiping the wet cloth over Peter's face to clean the ash off and make sure none of it had somehow made its way into his eyes behind the safety goggles. 

Tony was damn grateful that he had become so much more careful when it came to lab safety after he had started working with Peter so often.

Used to Tony's automatic fussing, Peter took a moment to assess himself for any pain or irritation, knowing Tony would ask him as soon as he calmed slightly.

A moment later the man did just that.

"Were you hurt? I heard your cry when you landed. What's wrong with your arm? Did you inhale any of the smoke?"

---

After a small accident in the lab, Tony finds out about Peter's tattoos and they have a heart to heart.(The third and final part of my sunflower series. I would suggest reading the previous parts before this one so that the plotline makes sense)

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Tattoos, Lab Days

Review: This was the perfect end to a wonderful little series!! I loved it so much and I'm so happy to have been able to read it!

❄️

Of Life and Lemons by @jen27ny

Summary: Sometimes Tony is joking, and sometimes he’s just pretending to 

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Outsider POV, Protective Peter Parker, Lab Days

Review: Awwww this was so sweet!! I love how both Steve and Peter can tell when Tony is and isn't joking, and I love that Peter's decided whenever Tony makes a "joke" that's just him trying hide his feelings, he has to hug him for 1 minute. It's so cute

❄️

Home Can Be A Person by punkybunny

Summary: Peter has been homeless for the past three months after running away from CPS. When he spends a particularly cold night alone sleeping on a rooftop, Tony takes him in. Peter realizes that maybe he can find a home again.

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Homeless Peter Parker, Skip Westcott (mentioned)

Review: This story was so nice can wonderful to read. I personally love the homeless peter trope, and Tony taking him in, and this was absolutely what I look for when reading that trope!! Just the prefect amount of hurt to balance the comfort, and so many HUGS!! I loved it :D

❄️

Burning Compass by @jen27ny

Summary: A platonic soulmate AU for Peter & Tony

Relationships/Tropes: Irondad, Intern Peter Parker, Platonic Soulmate AU

Review: aaa this was so cute! I really loved how the soul marks worked, I've never seen a story with compass soul marks! Very sweet story :D

If you look at any these stories, be sure to show the author your appreciation with a comment/kudos/reblog where applicable!

Click here for more fanfic rec lists!

[concerningwolves]

I finished The Irregulars earlier this week and i was going to do a scattered, flippant bullet point “review” as i often do, but after stewing in my feelings about it for a few days i want to talk about this properly, actually.

Something I absolutely adored was the way people’s powers manifested / the way their monstrosity was directly connected to the monstrous things that had happened to them. The concept is that a rip has opened in the universe, which allows something to extend its power into our world. This power grants people supernatural abilities when they seek help by praying/asking spirit boards for guidance/seances etc. The in-world explanation for this is that the rip takes the darkest parts of people and brings those parts to the fore, thus making them do monstrous things. 

(I did feel like the show sometimes contradicted itself, one minute saying that when someone is made into a monster by the cruelty of the world they ought to be met with compassion, the next minute killing off these sympathetic monsters or subjecting them to cruel fates. The fact that Arthur Hilton, a man whose grief and trauma over the deaths of his wife and child drove him to abduct babies, was locked up in Bedlam in a windowless cell left a nasty taste in my mouth. I understand that they needed to have him there for Narrative Purposes, but after using the episode’s climax moment to reveal that this man is suffering – basically to tell us that he isn’t a monster, but someone who needs help – it felt very cheap to use him as a pawn for the plot instead of further exploring that sentiment.)

I’m a HUGE fan of the way the powers reflected the wielder, i.e., Clara (Ep. 4) was sexually abused and given syphilis, which took away her ability to have children. We learn as the episode unfolds that she’s obsessed with the idea of a family because she never had one of her own, and makes little taxidermy family scenes with dead animals. The syphilis made her hate herself and her own skin, so the rip granted her the ability to literally steal people’s faces and become them – an ability she then used to kill the men who abused her with the final goal of assuming the last man’s identity because he had a family. It was a really haunting exploration of monstrosity / what makes us monsters, and it made me go a bit feral with appreciation.

But when the credits of the last episode rolled, I just felt... dissatisfied. I was bitter at how although the casting was supposedly colour-blind, the main villain was a black man and the one “sympathetic monster” who gets killed off (Jean Gates / the Tooth Fairy) was a black woman, both with very dark skin. John Watson, meanwhile, is portrayed by a lighter-skinned POC and although he’s written as cruel, aggressive and threatening, he’s given the chance for a redemption while the Linen Man and Jean Gates get killed off. I’m not entirely comfortable talking about this aspect because i’m white and still very much learning about racist and colourist tropes, but I just kept thinking about the colourism and implicit bias in Bridgerton, and couldn’t help but feel that The Irregulars had fallen into the same or a similar trap? (If anyone has any more thoughts on this I’m happy to listen!)

I didn’t like the fact that the writers decided to acknowledge the homoerotic subtext in ACD’s Holmes canon by making John Watson manipulative and controlling, then justifying that as an act of his (unrequited) love for Sherlock. Like, it wouldn’t be so bad if there were other examples of queer love in the series (save for the one f/f couple at a fancy rich party), but when your only explicitly mlm named character is miserable, alone and pining for an oblivious/uninterested love interest – a love interest who is killed off, may I add – it’s Not Fun. Queer rep doesn’t have to be good and pure or whatever (NBC’s Hannibal, anyone?), but sure would be nice to have some positive representation first! It also seemed to me that John’s redemption was directly tied to him giving up his love for Sherlock, which I was in two minds about. On the one hand, it could be seen as him realising his love had become something deeply toxic and so he had to let Sherlock go (and that really excites me! Complex and angsty relationships are most delicious), but on the other hand it got very close to a Bury Your Gays moment so my feelings the entire time were just :/

Lastly I was super excited about Leopold because disabled character! But it seemed as if his disability just got put to one side unless it was relevant to character arcs and/or plot moments. His leg is absolutely fucked up from the first episode, but he abandons his cane? I did really appreciate the whole “you’re not broken” angle they took, though. I think it was a genuinely good-faith representation, it just didn’t quite hit the mark (which is how I felt about a lot of things in the show tbh, so... :shrugs:) 

To conclude this wall of text: monsters and the takes on monsters were very tasty, and the supernatural elements and worldbuilding filled me with glee; other bits like representation and narrative choices were dissatisfying. i am now tired and out of spoons, will probably come back and clarify this tomorrow.

[puppy-phum]

2020 – a (content creator) year in review

I decided to make this into a mix of these two games I was (kinda?) tagged into so thank you for @leonzhng and @tiesanjiao ♥ I hope you don’t mind me doing it like this ^^ all the questions were just so interesting that I wanted to try!

(bc of the amount of questions, I’m placing them under a cut so that I don’t flood anyone’s dash) 

Me

(this is the 2020 year in review that hanyi tagged me to ♥ sorry am so late!)

Top 5 Movies you saw this year

wow tbh I didn’t watch many movies this year as I realized yesterday when I was thinking about this for certain reasons. Or at least I feel like I didn’t watch that many? Nothing really stuck with me it seems.

Because of this, I will only mention two: Parasite and The Old Guard. Those were both wonderful in their own ways and I’m very happy I got to watch them both ^^

Top 5 TV shows you watched this year

this one is difficult bc I watched so many (and forgot even more?) but:

The Lost Tomb Reboot (my introduction to DMBJ. this drama stole my heart and helped me through the tough autumn semester!) 

Joy of Life (it’s nuts that this happened during 2020? it feels like it was ages ago)

Kingdom (such a positive surprise and I really hope we get more of this :o I really recommend!)

Detective L (easy, nice aesthetics, amazing costumes. Bai Yu was a delight as Luo Fei)

Sand Sea (I am still baffled by how much I loved this bc I had so many doubts? am happy I did tho)

Bonus: Guardian (bc it has come to stay and the rewatch has been so emotional but so rewarding)

Top 5 songs of 2020

this is a tough one too bc I’ve heard so much new music during 2020 but I will try to put it simply:

Black Swan by BTS (I absolutely adore this song. I listened to it on repeat when it came out at the beginning of the year, I have cried for it a ton, I enjoy every stage I see for it and it’s just a masterpiece. it has also helped a bit with my writing struggles that I’ve felt creeping up on me lately)

Always by By The Coast (an amazing song that always leaves me in my feels. inspires me a lot all the time)

Love me or Leave me by DAY6 (this whole album was a masterpiece and I listened to it on loop for like. two weeks? this was my favorite song on it even if I adored the rest too, especially Zombie)

all of my life by Park Won (listened to this a lot in relation to my xicheng and the wedding I finally got to write for them ;; that’s one good thing that came out of this year tbh)

雨人 by 刘畅 (Liu Chang) (with the Reboot’s ending song, this one is my favorite on that ost. I love Liu Chang’s voice, I loved Liu Sang as a character and as I said, I loved Reboot as a drama. I get super emotional about this ost so I think it defined this year a lot for me)

Top 5 books you read in 2020  

All For The Game -trilogy (listened to these as audiobooks but that counts right?)

The Song of Achilles (as an audiobook too and really adored the reader’s voice)

The Smoke Thieves -series (I really just binge read the two first books in this series and am so excited for the next one!)

Call Down The Hawk (love love love)

Guardian novel (am not very into these novels usually but I was positively surprised this time? it was so cool to finally get the original story and compare it with the drama version)

5 positive things that happened in 2020

joined mdzsnet and met all the amazing ppl there and got to become part of this loving community and :’) I’m so thankful, it’s been a joy

learned more about editing? or started doing it regularly. I still can’t do shit but am having fun learning more all the time and I really hope that maybe the upcoming year I can switch to PS and try out giffing?

went to Halsey’s concert! it was in february so a bit before all the hassle with covid happened over here ;; it was super cool and so nice and I just. I love Halsey

fell into the DMBJ hellhole which am very much enjoying. it’s a great universe and the story is so good and the dramas have been so fun to watch and. it feels like a good continuation to The Untamed somehow haha (also brought me a new friend! you’re amazing ashen!! ♥)

started therapy and it’s been... a journey. but towards something better I think? it’s something I would’ve needed ages ago but it’s better late than never I suppose

My Creations

(this is the other part where ali was being super sweet and mentioned me ♥ thank you for being so awesome!)

1. first creation and most recent creation of 2020: wow it’s been a while since I’ve looked at this horrible creation but here ya go jkdhgk [x]. I’ve come a long way from this (and my xicheng has come a long way from this too). most recent one is this xiaoge edit that I absolutely adore [x]. 

2. one of your favorite creations from 2020: this wwx edit that was part of my agust d2 edit series [x]. I loved to give him blue instead of his typical red. 

3. a new style you tried this year and a gifset edit that uses it: this [x] wwx edit which I don’t know if I like or not but I was playing around with the font and all the effects instead of just normal screenshots + coloring. also I just adore the quote. 

4. a creation to be proud of: I could mention that xiaoge here but in addition, I will also say this wu xie edit for reboot [x]. I managed to capture my vision so well, I was surprised. for cql, this songxiao edit [x]. I loved how it turned out in the end. 

5. a creation that took forever: this wangxian edit [x]. like I’ve said several times, I lost sleep bc of it. I just kept struggling with the third pic and how to place the text there D: 

6. your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: this lwj/wangxian edit [x]. I had many ideas for this edit when I first started making it and I never managed to capture my vision in the way I first intended... the pictures I was supposed to use just never fit quite right sigh. I dunno why it was this one that gained all the notes in the end bc I personally think I have better ones too but am still thankful :’D 

7. a creation you think deserved more notes: as said, dmbj fandom on tumblr is very small so I really want to say the two already mentioned ones (wu xie and xiaoge) and then my pingxie edits [x] [x]. also these wwx edits which I personally am very happy about [x] [x]. and from my agust d2 series, this yun bros one [x].

8. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: really just dmbj this year and I’ve already linked all of my creations for that :’D tho I have plans for another pingxie edit and a liu sang edit! oh and maybe I could mention guardian here with this shen wei [x]. I had so much fun while making it (also the quote just haunted me relentlessly until I gave it a moment). 

9. a creation you made that breaks your heart: this must be my easter islanders (lwj and jc) edit [x] that just. awoke many thoughts in me? I’m going to put a link to the version where you can read my ramblings underneath :’D 

10. a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: my creation for the creator (gif?) challenge that was going around! [x] it was simple and nice to do and I loved the result. also, it was nice to work with jl for a change :’) 

11. a favorite creation created by someone else: oh wow ok so this is going to be rough bc I have so many favorites ;; you can look at this post here [x] to see more! 

but to love my two taggers am going to say these [x / x] [x] [x] [x] [x] by hanyi (I always love your edits, the colors you choose, the thoughts you put into them (and your humor too!). there are so many cool things you’ve done that I just stay in awe of! I adore all of it ;; ♥) and these [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] by ali (I love all of your gifsets so much, they have such pretty colors and such good scenes, and I am thankful every day that you make all the amazing dmbj content, pls never stop ;; I should go through all of your creations properly one day! I noticed you have sand sea stuff too and let me scream?) ^^ ♥

12. your favorite content creators and blogs that you appreciate: this is going to be a huge list and I’ve already made my love heard for some but no hurt in doing it again so @i-am-just-a-kiddo @ashenwren @tiesanjiao @kholran @lzswy @englishbunnyrocks @leonzhng @aheartfullofjolllly @yibobibo @inkblue-black @cross-d-a @bloody-bee-tea @fytheuntamed @mdzsnet @lifegoesmon @creeds-eagle @underaswift-sunrise @sarawatsaraleo @lan-xichens @mylastbraincql @wangxianbunnydoodles @manhasetardis @distantsnows @ohsehuns @minmoyu @linglynz @highwarlockkareena @yiqiie @aowyn @alienwlw @wangxiians @kingbadcat @sassyassassy @tytangfei @lanzhannnn @skzmxtp @leoyunxi @yoonqiful @softjeon @rapbabenamjoon @ronan-adam @miyakuli @pavusdorian @arsuf @brolinskeep @gawincaskeyy and so many others! (sorry for all the random ppl on this list that I’ve never even talked to ^^’ just know that you make my dash a wonderful place! ♥) 

I won’t tag anyone separately here but everyone who’s already been tagged or sees this is free to do this (or link me posts if you’ve done these already!) ♥ have a nice day everyone! 

[morceauoleander]

ok i have SO many thoughts about the game. consider this a messy ramble review about the game (spoilers ahead)

ok so gameplay wise. i really enjoy the game- lots of improvements but also! very very similar formula to the last game. when i realized that i was afraid it would feel too similar and boring, like the collection of the psychic 6 felt thorny towers-esque BUT it all came together in a very different way with much different dynamics at play. all the minds were so interesting and while really big, they weren’t so hard to move through and the changes of scenery in many definitely kept it all interesting.

concept wise- with minds and things. all the minds were real interesting- i like some more than others of course. but they all displayed some kinda metaphor that was pretty easy to grasp and i think thats important! as always i appreciate how the game tackles symptoms and ideas and not specifically named disorders. for one it means it wont be dated, but it also means anyone can find ways to relate regardless of labels. i think metaphor wise, bob’s was my favorite... that was a rough one. look wise? probably nona’s mind. just so colorful!

on dated terms, retcons. i cant be the only one  seeing retcons right? which is fine and good really. i think this game was a chance for them to backtrack and alter some old ideas. its been 16 years.... theres no way in hell whatever was in mind back then is true or good now. Ford’s mind situation was handle VERY well. as someone with DID i like ford, but it seemed clear to be they needed to tackle this as a psychonaut lore thing and not “multiple personality disorder with a twist” ya know? and it totally worked out. it made sense in his context and my god, so much more painful to see how it happened. it makes sense that a story would be told “wrong” in order to cover things up- it confused me at first as i noticed the retcons but as the theme of the story unravelled into that of distrust, it made sense. additionally of course the use of the g slur and raz’s curse. well, the twist-retcon really got me!! i didnt expect it and i think with the other elements of ford’s story it was a good way to handle it! post game, frazie mentions the galochios (which up to then hadnt been mentioned) where they call them “fortune tellers”. so yeah, they definitely changed that. and making a twist that took focus off the “galochios” as a whole was a good move.

on the story...... stated above a bit but man, so many twists i didnt see coming. lots of theories we had were very wrong probably because it was not based around the assumption that some things would be kinda.. retconned. and it was written in such a way it was a fun surprise. i can imagine some being upset but the writing in this game was just great. i feel they expanded on the lore and characters so well! in the start of the game i was quite shocked by the event of raz changing Hollis’ mind tbh, and we werent even that far into the game for me to be surprised by that. this game feels like it had much high stakes, which makes sense with such a large threat and now being more settled in this world with these characters. to go from raz doing something impulsive and distrusting to then having his own hero torn down in front of him because ford basically manipulated his family into living lies..... yeah, thats harsh. i do wish some more focus was on raz’s anger, i dont feel like he got a chance to be that angry at ford before they helped nona but, the connection raz makes with her was so heartfelt, it did help support that development. additionally this game carries the same sort T rated humor as the first, and i love that. it allows for a more serious angle and harder topics to flourish which still being quite funny. all in all i really liked the story, and while it feels quite conclusive, i dont really mind. i know id love to have a third game but its hard to imagine that happening.

and man. the little details! so much dialogue i need to hear on replays! i will be 100%ing the game too of course. and i love how they handled the curse post game, having raz be caught and supported by the water... was wondering how you’d play post game after that.

[notbecauseofvictories]

Hi Sarah! My friend and I are starting a bookclub (as much as you can with two people who aren't pressed for deadlines) and I was wondering if you have any recommendations? (That is if you have time to rec anything!) We're starting off with Deathless and have Fitzgerald next in line somewhere but I def want to try to expand the genres we read and tbh from years of following you, I trust your judgement

I don’t...like giving recommendations? At least not directly, it seems like too much opportunity for getting it wrong. Everybody has their own tastes, after all, and even the best of friends don’t necessarily vibe with what you vibe with. (I’ve experienced this with multiple friends, so I know what I’m talking about.) Truly, one of the reasons that my whole “I’m going to get back into reading for pleasure!” push has been so successful is that I only bother with books that interest me, and stop reading when they fail to catch my attention.

But I’ve now read at least 60 books in 2020, which is approximately 60 more than I’ve read in the years prior, so I’m happy to share that. Below is my list of recent reads, beginning to end, along with a very short review---I keep this list in the notes app on my phone, so they have to be. Where I’ve talked about a book in a post, I’ve tried to link to it. 

Peruse, and if something catches your interest I hope you enjoy!

2020 Reading List

Crazy Rich Asians series, Kevin Kwan (here)

Blackwater, Michael McDowell (here; pulpy horror and southern gothic in one novel; come for the monster but stay for the family drama.)

Fire and Hemlock, Diane Wynne Jones (here; weird and thoughtful, in ways I’m still thinking about)

The Secret History, Donna Tartt

Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn (here; loved it! I can see why people glommed onto it)

Swamplandia!, Karen Russell (unfinished, I could not get past the first paragraph; just....no.)

Rules of Scoundrels series, Sarah MacLean (an enjoyable romp through classic romancelandia, though if you read through 4 back to back you realize that MacLean really only writes 1 type of relationship and 1 type of sexual encounter, though I do appreciate insisting that the hero go down first.)

The Bear and the Nightingale, Katherine Arden (here)

Dread Nation, Justine Ireland (great, put it with Stealing Thunder in terms of fun YA fantasy that makes everything less white and Eurocentric)

The Haunting of Hill House, Shirley Jackson (VERY good. haunting good.)

Tell My Horse, Zora Neale Hurston (I read an interesting critique of Hurston that said she stripped a lot of the radicalism out of black stories - these might be an example, or counterexample. I haven't decided yet.)

The Rose MacGregor Drinking and Admiration Society, T. Kingfisher (fun!)

St. Lucy’s Home for Girls Raised by Wolves, Karen Russell (some of these short stories are wonderful; however, Swamplandia's inspiration is still unreadable, which is wild.)

17776, Jon Bois (made me cry. deeply human. A triumph of internet storytelling)

The Girl with All the Gifts, M. R. Carey (deeply enjoyable. the ending is a bittersweet kick in the teeth, and I really enjoyed the adults' relationships)

The Door in the Hedge and Other Stories, Robin McKinley (enjoyable, but never really resolved into anything.)

The Hero and the Crown, Robin McKinley (fun, but feels very early fantasy - or maybe I've just read too many of the subsequent knock-offs.)

Mrs. Caliban, Rachel Ingalls (weird little pulp novel.)

All Systems Red, Martha Wells (enjoyable, but I don't get the hype. won't be looking into the series unless opportunity arises.)

A People's History of Chicago, Kevin Coval (made me cry. bought a copy. am still thinking about it.)

The Sol Majestic, Ferrett Steinmetz (charming, a sf novel mostly about fine dining)

House in the Cerulean Sea, TJ Klune (immensely enjoyable read, for all it feels like fic with the serial numbers filed off)

The Au Pair, Emma Rous (not bad, but felt like it wanted to be more than it is)

The Night Tiger, Yangsze Choo (preferred this to Ghost Bride; I enjoy a well-crafted mystery novel and this delivered)

The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula Le Guin (unfinished, I cannot fucking get into Le Guin and should really stop trying)

The Ghost Bride, Yangsze Choo (enjoyable, but not nearly as fun as Ghost Bride - the romance felt very disjointed, and could have used another round of editing)

Temptation's Darling, Johanna Lindsey (pure, unadulterated id in a romance novel, complete with a girl dressing as a boy to avoid detection)

Social Creature, Tara Isabella Burton (a strange, dark psychological portrait; really made a mark even though I can't quite put my finger on why)

The Girl on the Train, Paula Hawkins (slow at first, but picks up halfway through and builds nicely; a whiff of Gone Girl with the staggered perspectives building together)

Stealing Thunder, Alina Boyden (fun Tortall vibes, but set in Mughal India)

The Traitor Baru Cormorant; The Monster Baru Commorant, The Tyrant Baru Cormorant, Seth Dickinson (LOVE this, so much misery, terrible, ecstatic; more here)

This Is How You Lose the Time War, Amal El-Mohtar, Max Gladstone (epistolary love poetry, vicious and lovely; more here)

The Elementals, Michael McDowell

Gideon the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir (didn't like this one as much as I thought I would; narrator's contemporary voice was so jarring against the stylized world and action sequences read like the novelization for a video game; more here)

Finna, Nino Cipri (a fun little romp through interdimensional Ikea, if on the lighter side)

Magic for Liars, Sarah Gailey (engrossing, even if I could see every plot twist coming from a mile away)

Desdemona and the Deep, C. S. E. Cooney (enjoyed the weirdness & the fae bits, but very light fare)

A Blink of the Screen, Terry Pratchett (admittedly just read this for the Discworld bits)

A Memory Called Empire, Arkady Martine (not as good about politics and colonialism as Baru, but still a powerful book about The Empire, and EXTREMELY cool worldbuilding that manages to be wholly alien and yet never heavily expositional)

Blackfish City, Sam J. Miller (see my post)

Last Werewolf, Glen Duncan (didn't finish, got to to first explicit sex scene and couldn't get any further)

Prosper's Demon, KJ Parker (didn't work for me...felt like a short story that wanted to be fleshed out into a novel)

The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett

His Majesty's Dragon, Naomi Novik (extremely fun, even for a reader who doesn't much like Napoleonic stories)

Three Parts Dead, Max Gladstone (fun romp - hard to believe that this is the same author as Time War though you can see glimmers of it in the imagery here)

A Scot in the Dark, Sarah MacLean (palette cleanser, she does write a good romance novel even it's basically the same romance novel over and over)

The Resurrectionist, E. B. Hudspeth (borrowed it on a whim one night, kept feeling like there was something I was supposed to /get/ about it, but never did - though I liked the Mutter Museum parallels)

Stories of Your Life and Others, Ted Chiang (he's a better ideas guy than a writer, though Hell Is The Absence of God made my skin prickle all over)

Gods of Jade and Shadow, Silvia Moreno-Garcia (fun, very much a throwback to my YA days of fairytale retellings, though obviously less European)

Four Roads Cross, Max Gladstone (it turns out I was a LOT more fond of Tara than I initially realized - plus this book had a good Pratchett-esque pacing and reliance on characterization)

Get in Trouble, Kelly Link (reading this after the Chiang was instructive - Link is such a better storyteller, better at prioritizing the human over the concept)

Gods Behaving Badly, Marie Phillips

Soulless; Changeless; Blameless, all by Gail Carriger (this series is basically a romance novel with some fantasy plot thrown in for fun; extremely charming and funny)

Black Leopard, Red Wolf, Marlon James (got about 1/3 of the way through and had to wave the white flag; will try again because I like the plot and the worldbuilding; the tone is just so hard to get through)

Pew, Catherine Lacey (a strange book, I'm still thinking about it; a good Southern book, though)

Nuremberg Diary, GM Gilbert (it took me two months to finish, and was worth it)

River of Teeth, Sarah Gailey (I wanted to like this one a lot more than I actually did; would have made a terrific movie but ultimately was not a great novel. Preferred Magic for Liars.)

Mexican Gothic, Silvia Moreno-Garcia (extremely fun, though more trippy than Gods and the plot didn't work as well for me - though it was very original)

The New Voices of Fantasy, Peter S. Beagle (collected anthology, with some favorites I've read before Ursula Vernon's "Jackalope Wives", "Hungry Daughters of Starving Mothers" "The Husband Stitch"; others that were great new finds "Selkie Stories are for Losers" from Sofia Satamar and "A Kiss With Teeth" from Max Gladstone and "The Philosophers" from Adam Ehrlich Sachs)

[ectora]

REVIEW 313

took me some time to actually get into that review lmao But i really loved the episode. I know some people will probably have complains about it, but as someone who absolutely loves Abigael, I really liked it. And honestly the fact that abigael was finally included in the main story is not even the reason why. I loved the pacing, it actually felt like Charmed. The stakes, the construction, the format, it was all on point. It was genuinely their best episode alongside 307 (two episodes related to the tomb lmao) and one of their best in the show imo.

I've put it in "hidden" cause it ended up being so long I did not expect that im sorry 😭

SCREEN TIME

Maggie: 29m20s

Macy: 27m36s

Mel: 25m39s

Abigael: 20m17s

Jordan: 10m32s

Harry: 47s

Not gonna lie, I did not miss Harry this episode. Maybe it's just cause I don't like the way they have been writing both him and Macy this season, way too focused on the relationship, but his story does not really interest me. And I enjoy watching Macy interact with other characters a lot more. I think we could have had a little bit more of Jordan as well.

What I liked

where do i even start. I genuinely enjoyed so many things in this episode.

As said earlier, I really enjoyed the structure of the episode, to me it finally really felt like charmed. The way the episode was done was beautiful and I LOVED the trial in a general manner. They're terrible lawyers, but still loved it lmao

Ok hear me out, the fact they had abigael and macy say what the fan had been saying but reversing the roles was actually sent me lmao

I really enjoyed that they balanced the rights and wrongs of abigael. I'm part of the people who think that overall, most of what she did was not that deep tbh, but the episode allowed to have nuances and hold her accountable for things she did while also recognising that she did good things.

Abigael finally interacting with the sisters. To me, that's the sign of good characters tbh, how they can interact with different other leads/mains and such relationships being interesting. Abimel, i'll talk about it a bit later cause i have lots to say. But AbiMacy ? I absolutely always love their scenes, one of the reasons being that I genuinely think they're the two best actresses in the show and you can really feel it when they're on screen. They have easy chemistry and whatever they are doing, they just work. They also had one of the best potential of the show in terms of dynamic and I will never forgive the writers for ruining this, especially because it's in part because of a man. Anyway, their scenes were amazing to watch and I need more. I was especially happy because let's be honest, if Macy has valid reasons to dislike Abigael, they often miss-portrayed that in the show and it often came across as being mostly based on the whole love triangle between Macy Abi and Harry. But this time it really was not and Macy was quite fair, even reaching the conclusion Abi doesn't belong in there - she does not- and I liked that they actually were fair on Macy's dislike and distrust. Then there was AbiMaggie. Honestly, it's not a relationship i expected to enjoy that much but oh god i love them. I loved them in episode 207 and I still do. They just have such a funny dynamic, I can't even explain it correctly but it just work. They're throwing remarks at each other sure but it's almost in a sweet funny way. Abigael calling Maggie 'Legally Brunette" was so funny and cute at the same time.

Talking about Maggie, I really liked her this episode. I love how she reacts in situations where they need a cold head. She takes the lead, she does what needs to be done and she reaches the goal. I really enjoy seeing her taking that role a little bit more. Especially because to me Maggie was always the one with the most nuanced view on the world which I really appreciate. I loved her speech at the end and she grew so much since season 1, she's really so great. The more we advance in the show, the more she shines.

I really liked what happened at the end with the sisters recognising that they are themselves not perfect and are even chaotic. I have a point about being chaotic for later but anyway. Yes the sisters are not perfect. Honestly, they have done questionable things in the past themselves and often are the cataclysm of new things happening. I think it just makes them more interesting and better characters. Black and white can only get so long. Nuanced, imperfect, that's where the complexity lies and what is more interesting imo.

The perfecti really are good characters. I mean their logic was completely f*cked, but they are so entertaining to watch, it's actually great. I like also that they continued that idea that logic without emotion is dangerous. But in some ways tbh, the Perfecti are not even logical. They want to think they are, but their own logic is flawed and like Macy said, completely lacks context.

Finally the power of three and FINALLY, the plot goes forward. Maybe that's another reason I really enjoyed the episode, the fact that it actually had a good flow, it felt like one constructed episode and it actually advanced the story which cannot be said about a lot of the episodes. So I'm happy that happened.

And finally Abimel. I mean, no one can be surprised Abigael has feelings for Mel tbh, girl has not been subtle about it lmao But that declaration was actually cute and their scene at the bar ?? paralleling the one in season 2, it was so sweet. I just love them tbh, and I really think they could have been the ship a lot of us were waiting for in the sapphic community especially.

Abigael's past. Like I loved learning more about her past and her mom. Obviously her traumatic past does not exempt her from her own actions but I do believe it give strong grounds for redemption. it also gives us a lot of insights in her character. Her mom was an absolute monster and what she did to her was terrible. There is no surprise in Abigael's absolute lack of self worth and her unhealthy coping mechanism. Like her mom basically spent her life telling her she was deficient and then punished her for something she had no control on whatsoever. She punished Abigael for her own action and her own liaison with a demon. She probably projected her anger about that relationship on the child that came out of it and it's absolutely horrifying. Like no wonder Abigael is not fond of witches and went into the demon side tbh. Like that's not surprising at all. It also explains why she was so against the idea of witch = good that the sisters keep perpetuating because that's simply not what she experienced. Again, it does not excuse everything she did but I do believe it helps understand the character better and that ultimately, it gives space for a redemption. And again, kuddo to both poppy and the actress who played her mom. First that was great casting and it was really well played.

Remarks

To be honest, I don't really have things I genuinely disliked so I'm more gonna do like a section where i could criticise some of the aspect which to me did not necessarily made sense but were often still funny, and who knows maybe done on purpose. It's gonna be a mix of a little bit of everything.

One of the first thing I was kinda confused on was their use of the term chaos. Because, well, chaos doesn't equate evil. But that's the angle they started taking at the beginning which to me was confusing. It didn't make the episode bad, but the more I think about it, the more I'm like the defence they were going with had nothing to do with the charges 😭 Like, the sisters tried to prove that basically Abigael was a good person. But the charges were that she was chaotic. and by the end of the episode we did reach that kind of point where they said everyone was chaotic and everything - which i liked - but also didn't really match the angle they took the entire episode. Because, I personally never saw Abi as evil. But she is 100% chaotic like that girl is the definition of chaotic and I love her for it. But her doing good or bad is not necessarily what makes her chaotic. Good deeds can be as chaotic as bad ones. For example, Abi binding her own power could be considered as good by some people (it's not really but you see what I mean) but by doing so, she would lose the title of overlord and therefore end the treaty. In that case the war would start and that would definitely be chaotic. If she was to stay overlord however, and control the demon world, which can be seen as bad i guess, she is keeping the war from happening and stopping attacks toward witches and innocents, which is the contrary of chaotic. So yeah, the angle they took did not actually make that much sense cause the two are not the same.

Not gonna lie, bringing Godrik up was so weird to me cause like he tried to kill her first and they all know it, yet she was the one said to try to murder him and I was like ? did we all forgot what happened ? 😭

Some of the things brought by the perfecti - such as her killing those humans or demons - seemed weird because like, the sisters did the same in the past 😭 But also that's part of the whole lack of context aspect I guess.

No they really used Francesca as a witness out of all the people in the world like the woman is a whole child abuser who asked help to the elders, which have been established as like, not good people lmao I know it was part of the whole the perfecti are very selective on the information they actually take into account and they use the information as well as twist them to fir their own narrative but still it came across as weird because that woman was the definition of evil. But that's also what ticked the sisters so well.

Why did they not call Harry to testify was also kinda like ... weird. I mean at the same time I can't really complain but still, it was a bit odd. Also the fact they never thought about showing what was abigael actually doing with Jordan lmao I mean it wouldn't go along with the plot but still.

Ok, that take is subject to controversy and I know it but anyway : to me, Abi stealing Macy's power was ... not that deep. Don't get me wrong, the story was bad. The execution was even worse. In the show itself tho, objectively, as an act, it was not that bad. It actually made a lot of sense for Abigael to take it for herself. Macy wanted to get rid of her demon powers, no one was forcing her. And Abigael actually asked her multiples times if she was sure. Macy definitely had her reasons to do so. But at the end of the day, Abi picking them up when they were gonna disappear in thin air is really not that bad. It's logical. Don't get me wrong I'm glad Macy is getting them back, but I also think there has been a lot of mix up between the actual act of stealing the powers and the way it was done/optics ( I still don't understand how anyone wrote that scene and was like, yeah kneeling is a good idea ??? Like what's wrong with you 😭). But like ultimately, the act itself is not bad. questionable ? sure. Evil ? really not. Like let's be honest here. Abigael never hid who she was (past ep3 obviously). She did not pretend to be an angel, nor that she was a good samaritan. At the end of day, the sisters knew who she was and how she worked. They came to her knowing this. At some point, there is a need to acknowledge that, she was no angel, but they knew that and still went to her. She said it herself, she is used to fight for herself, and she'll sting to protect herself first - which i personally don't really hold again a character. If you go in bed with a scorpion, you can't ignore the fact there is a chance you're gonna get stung. Plus, when Abigael "stung" she also actually still gave them what they wanted/needed. I personally never saw self interest negating a good action. I don't really care if she gets something out of helping. Like at the end of the day, why wouldn't she take them ? In some ways however I do understand why Macy would be mad, she asked for help and she didn't realise Abigael stole them and she doesn't like abigael in the first place so why would she be ok with Abi taking them. That's valid too. But objectively, it was more a she was offended and mad that Abi herself had them more than a it's a terrible thing to do kinda feeling. So like it's a bit of a weird situation because Macy being annoyed and mad is valid but at the same time, it's really not that bad in itself. But overall that story should have never existed in the first place. And certainly not happen like this.

Abimel. I loved it but I also have issues with it. Mostly based on the fact we learned Poppy was leaving the show. And not gonna lie, I cant stop myself from feeling like it was almost a bit .. baity if I dare say. They had basically admitting having feelings for Mel and low key hoping it could lead somewhere when honestly, if she's leaving, they did not need to make it romantic. Because honestly, watching this episode not knowing she would leave ? You'd definitely could think it's happening, especially with all the other hints in the past. They could have made it like more about how Mel was the one giving her a real benefit of the doubt and they had a connexion and she wanted to be worthy of that. It would not be romantic. Especially cause she admitted caring about all sisters so it would have worked. Again, don't get me wrong, I want the most Abimel i can get lmao but also it feels a little weird. It's complicated. 😭

Jordan is definitely coming back, I just wonder what are going to be the circumstances. I completely understand why my boy needed a break. Like their time in the tomb was long. We don't exactly know how time works there but remember, in episode 7 when the sisters were stuck, the normal time was like what ? hours ? while in the tomb it was days for Maggie. So there it was days in normal time so in the tomb ? could potentially feel like weeks, months even. So yeah, give him a break and some time to breath. I know they're dragging this whole Joggie thing but because of Covid i also understand and will let it go. I really like them tho.

Abi has some alcohol problems I feel like should maybe be talked about. Like she uses it as an escape, as a way to numb her feelings. There is a reason it was used to symbolise her submitting herself to the tomb. And her first reaction after leaving the tomb was drinking. When she feels unhinged or vulnerable ? She drinks ? When she lost the title of overlord ? She drank. Alcohol is her escape which is a bit worrying.

Not about the episode but I think it needs to be brought up. I've seen people trying to say they brought up the abuse storyline for abigael out of nowhere and like. Listen I completely understand not trying to give more thoughts to a character you dislike, that's fair enough. But saying that storyline is out of nowhere is just a lie. The only new elements we had here were the details of the abuse she went through. They showed the clip again in the episode, where Abigael talks to Mel about her mom. She rejected her, she made her felt, deficient, wrong. All that is emotional abuse. She said her mom tried to fix her which can easily be thought about physical abuse. Like none of these things were new. To be honest, not a single thing they clarified/established for abigael this episode does not follow up with what was in the show in the past. Her feelings for Mel were honestly rather obvious at this point. Her not wanting TCO to get hurt ? There is literally a scene where Godrik tells her it's her head or the sisters and she never really even thought about throwing the sisters under the bus. She even asked who knew and it's easy to think it's because if no one knew she could put it under the rug. Again, it's fair enough for people to dislike her to not try to put more thoughts into her motivations or scenes in a general manner, but then you can't really say things are out of the blue.

And most importantly, I'm sorry, I don't care if you dislike the character, but if you dismiss the abuse just because of the dislike, that's a problem. What a character goes through in her past does not, in any way, have to change your opinion about them. Whatsoever. However when it comes to issues like child abuse, the bare minimum would be to be respectful of the subject and not say "she deserved it", "should have done more" or just say you don't care cause that changes nothing. Again, it doesn't have to change anyone's opinion at all and it does not excuse behaviours, but man, minimal respect is not that hard.

Highlights

This episode genuinely had such funny moments, i loved it.

« Is this a hard time to admit I failed debate in high school ? » and « could the defendant keep her commentary to herself » competing with each other for the funniest part of the episode. The delivery was perfect on both part. And Abi and Macy interactions are always so good and them bantering more or less seriously all the time is sending me. Macy was just so annoyed with her, i loved it.

« Need something legally brunettes » I said it already but I loved that little scene between AbiMaggie and that line particularly.

Abigael went from saying "I could care less about any of you" to "because I deeply care about her" followed by a whole ass declaration AND admitting she does actually care about all of them. My girl got absolutely played and it was genuinely so funny. Like Abigael was so freaking smug about testifying against herself and she got played so hard, she was SO annoyed it was actually hilarious.

"Every battle I fought, I fought alone" like excuse me while I'll go cry in a corner. Again, Poppy has been absolutely killing her role this season.

"Your arguments are illogical" the perfecti have such audacity like girl have you heard yourself ? 😭 no one is being less logical than you right now.

Lmao when Macy said Abigael belonged into the tomb, Mel was not agreeing 😭 And Maggie was having none of the drama either she just wanted out.

The sisters realising they had to be Abi's character witnesses lmao it was hilarious pleas idc.

Theories

With Poppy Drayton leaving, there are two theories I kinda have. Obviously Abigael is either gonna die or leave. Ngl, I can feel the dying one coming more but well, that brings the two theories.

Abigael would sacrifice herself. Which I don't like but honestly let's be honest, there are 95% chances of that happening. I could see her sacrifice herself for Mel or for the sisters in general. But that's where my abimel issues are coming. I love abimel. I want the most abimel i can have until the end. But Abigael admitting have feelings for Mel just in the purpose of having her sacrifice herself for her and to be 'worth it' ? that's not only a byg trope, it's also lazy.

If she just leave, which wouldn't really make sense to be honest cause why would she just leave, would she give up the title of overlord (why even) or would they bound her powers (i would hate that) ? but anyway, if that's the case, I could actually see her learn Waverly is not actually the one rejecting her. Waverly could very possibly not be the one who communicated with Jordan and the sisters. No one ever saw her, the letters are only signed by her name. It's a bit sus tbh, so nothing stops it from being Francesca actually impersonating her daughter to keep her away from Abigael.

I want to know more about the perfecti. We know they killed charmed ones before, and it doesn't seem like charmed ones existed when they were created ? Maybe the charmed ones were created after they went into the tomb ? I still am not sure about them going into the tomb by themselves tbh. But also they don't seem to be evil in the sense they want power or whatever, more in the fact like they consider themselves perfect and that if someone stands in their way, they'll just get rid of them.