#rest of us. i don’t say this to her obv bc. ofc not. but jesus . yeah . yeah
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sometimes i look at my sister and i see all the worst parts of me and it’s not terrible bc i don’t want that for her. which i don’t. but it’s terrible bc she’s doing it wrong
#like. she is showing it Wrong !#she is taking all this anger and rage at herself and shoving it at everyone around her and making her problem everyone’s problem and smth in#me physically recoils every time lol#like. visceral. smth deep inside me. just. says No <3 with teeth#but this isn’t wrong ! she is fifteen ! this is a child. this is a person. who is angry and in pain and messy and doesn’t know how to deal#with it and is being so v unkind to herself and is going through it by putting this on other ppl and picking fights so the anger can go#somewhere. and this isn’t healthy but holy fuck is it so much better than what i did and just internalised all of that until i couldn’t#speak about it for years lmao#it’s not wrong. it is not. but it feels like it is. my knee jerk reaction is what are you doing. stop. stop! keep that to yourself like the#rest of us. i don’t say this to her obv bc. ofc not. but jesus . yeah . yeah#and so i end up saying nothing to her or the diluted version of the right thing bc i’m so scared to tell her to do it like me which i do Not#want. like at all. she is not me and this is such a good thing#she also has a tendacy to bite the hands that fed her which. doesn’t help lmao#just. needed to get that out#delete later
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