#rest in peace and power Casey Benjamin

[horseshoemybeloved]

“ His authority for joy was pervasive, and to be in his presence was to understand that music is supposed to be joy. We’re supposed to share this together “

[leagueofawesomedudes]

Week 9 Preview

Well fellas, we’re officially entering in to the second half of the NFL season and I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am exhausted. I think it’s a combination of the 3 AM Free Agency wake up calls and this past Halloween weekend where the majority of us were either blacked out or rolling tits from Friday 9pm until we went to work on Monday morning (except for Chad, who had to use some PTO because he’s such a beta nowadays.) Anyways, since we’re at the halfway point of the season and since TJ didn’t want to issue his personal (pointless?) mid-szn power rankings, I figured I would take this time to at least revisit his initial pre-szn rankings and see what he got right and what he got wrong as of the current mid-szn standings. I mainly wanted to do this because the matchups aren’t overly exciting this week with lots of teams on bye and since nobody is really beefing with each other currently (minus the entire city of Cleveland against the Browns organization). Don’t worry, I’ll eventually get into the matchups/predictions, but strap in because this is going to be a long one - I took work off to do this.

Grading the Caito Rankings - Preseason Edition

To refresh everyone’s memories Tj categorized us into 3 different sections (wow what a fucking racist) dynasties, wild cards and tankers. I am not going to rerank everyone because the standings speak for themselves (duh). I am just going to grade Tj’s original predictive categories.

Dynasties:

Holla’s Heavy Hitters - Wow, right off the bat and Tj couldn’t have been further from being correct as the heavy hitters are currently sitting in last place (tied) with a 2-6 record. Grant it, he has the third most points scored against him, so maybe attribute his poor record to bad matchup luck. Holla will need to climb the leaderboard as high as his friends were Saturday night in order to reach the playoffs. 

2. Crow’s Before Hoes - With all of the trades Pauly has made he has definitely solidified himself as a top contender this year (despite losing his leader Watson for the rest of the season a few hours ago) and has claimed his rightful throne as the LOAD’s 2017 official Trade Guy. 

3. Julio Tones - Tj bet on himself as being one of the top dawgs this year and he has proven it to be true. He’s also probably going to be super pissed after he sees that I am doing all of this, but content is king. People would’ve read your rankings no matter what their preconceived notions were about them ;)....Anyways zeke is spinning right back into that 6 game suspension so let’s see how your squad holds up without everyone’s favorite bucknut.

4. 2 Gurleys 1 Cup - Sam is a perennial contender so this was an obvious pick, however with this past weekend’s rape allegations and with his recent outlandish drug intakes during OU’s Homecoming and Halloween in Cle should he be considered for a 6 game suspension just as much as Tj’s top player? LOAD Presidente will need to address this.... #LockHimUp.

Wild Cards:

5.  Jon SnOBJs - Chad is and will always be a wild card, on and off the court. Just look at some of these pics from last weekend:

6. Little Diggs - Tj underestimated my powers like Obi Wan underestimated Anakin’s. But in this ending, Anakin (Little Diggs) will slay down Obi Wan (Julio Tones) in the duel on Mustafar (fantasy championship) altering the fantasy landscape forever.

 Tankers

7. The Injured Reserve - Casey’s more of a wild card currently sitting in at 4th place, but that David Johnson injury will most likely crawl back to hurt him just like his piss crawls down everyones couches.

8. Ain’t EZ Bein Breesy - Solden’s definitely trying, I’ll give him that. But maybe a little too much time has been focused on Mel instead of his lineup?

9.  The Brady Bunch - Tj thought this was one of the worst rosters drafted and looking at Doug’s starting lineup it’s actually solid all around. He has mitigated his risk by diversifying in all different sectors and taking long and short positions all at the correct time. Dude manages his roster just like his....wait for it.....401k plan. Nice.

10. G-reg 3rd leg - Bingo. Tj thought this was the worst roster in the beginning of the season and so far it has performed that way. Even though Watson just went down today, I bet if Bennet would’ve picked up Waston instead of the guy who likes to kiss titties in his mom’s mini van he would have a better record.

But it doesn’t really matter because the rest of the his roster kinda looks like this:

Alright Tj hasn’t done that bad so far, couple big misses, couple spot on hits. Maybe he can do a year end recap before he retires from fantasy at the end of the season.....Anyways, on to the week 9 matchups:

Ain’t EZ Bein Breesy (3-5; 8th place) vs. The Brady Bunch (4-4; 6th place)

The craziest trade deadline in the history of the NFL just passed and somehow three of the biggest names involved were both on Doug’s team. No way Doug has ever been apart of something more wild. Kelvin Benjamin and Jay Ajayi on their new teams will look to add some extra firepower to Doug’s already well balanced team. Who’s the third name you might ask? Doug scooped up the second coming of Christ AKA Flash Gordon to make his roster for more lit, literally.  The only way Solden can win this one is if he steals Doug’s phone, benches all of his players and then slips some ecstacy in Doug’s drink and hopes he ends up on the Shoreway towards Lakewood Sunday morning before he can get a chance to set his lineup. If not, then Doug wins this easily.

Rachel’s Boyfriend > Mel’s Boyfriend  

Holla’s Heavy Hitters (2-6; 9th place) vs. Julio Tones (6-2; 1st place - allegedly)

I won’t spend much time on this one as Tony’s first place squad should easily handle Holla’s last, especially after Hopkins just lost Watson. However, who would have thought that Holla would’ve turned down doing X with all of his friends and that TJ would be the one rolling face in a gaylord focker nurse’s costume at an EDM concert? Hopefully TJ isn’t letting this whole first place thing get to his head though and starts getting out of control like Manziel did after winning the Heisman....I mean a totally new and ridiculous haircut/mustache, a serious girlfriend, "running” in marathons and oh here’s a new one...being shady to paul:

Not caring about Paul? Wow, careful Teej, Uncle Ben once said, “with great power comes great responsibility”... Tread lightly with that first place title...

Gaylord Focker > Holla

2 Gurleys 1 Cup (5-3; 3rd place) vs. The Injured Reserve (5-3; 4th place)

Sam’s a fucking rapist. 

Casey > Rapey

Little Diggs (6-2; 2nd place) vs. Jon SnOBJs (3-5; 7th place)

Putting past performances aside, I think this week’s matchup between Chad and I will actually turn out to be extremely close. 3 of my usual starters are on bye and the rest are in shit matchups. I think in order for me to pull this one out I’m going to need Chad to pull one of these on Sunday morning and forget to set his lineup:

Passed out in 425′s lobby at 8 am.....what a fucking rookie....

PFT > Big Cat

MATCHUP OF THE WEEK:

G-reg 3rg leg (2-6; 10th place) vs. Crows before Hoes (4-4; 5th place)

I am not sure this should actually be the matchup of the week based on both rosters, but it will definitely be the one that everyone has their eyes on due to the big shakeup that happened today. Deshaun “Better Than Mitch” Watson tore his ACL on a non-contact injury late this afternoon and man will that injury change the landscape across the NFL and Fantasy worlds alike. Not only did pauly lose his leader, but he just traded for Deshaun’s best deep threat in Will Fuller. Didn’t you learn anything from all those years at OU hanging with Doug? Never put all your eggs in one basket...Diversify, Diversify, Diversify. However I think the 2 happiest people in regards to the Watson injury, were the browns analytics department and Matthew the Snowman Bennett. This dude HATES black quarterbacks. He says it’s because of historical trends and that none of them have ever been more than a flash in the pan (dude russell wilson?), but maybe it’s because the Snowman knows no other color besides white ; )

Anyways, if Paul decides to accept one of my trades or at the very least picks up another QB (might I suggest CJ Beathard because that last name is fucking gold) he should be able to pull this one out.

Little Guy > Big Guy

Alright men that is it for Little DIggs this week. Hopefully you all enjoyed. Remember to keep taking that vitamin C and pushing those fluids, the weekend begins tomorrow.

Peace and Good Luck, 

Dom