#respectingexpectations

[auniverseoffriends]

Recognizing When Expectations Are Not Being Respected

Understanding when your expectations in a friendship are not being respected can be challenging, especially if you care deeply about the other person. It’s important to recognize when something isn’t right, and to approach the situation thoughtfully. Here’s how to identify when your expectations aren’t being met and what you can do about it:

1. Notice a Pattern of Disappointment

💡 What it means: If you consistently feel let down by the same behavior, it might be a sign that your expectations aren’t being respected. It’s normal for one-off situations to occur, but if the same things keep happening, it’s time to pay attention.

💬 What to watch for:

Your friend frequently cancels plans at the last minute.

They say one thing but do another, leading to disappointment.

They repeatedly don’t follow through on promises or commitments.

2. Trust Your Feelings

💡 What it means: If you’re feeling hurt, ignored, or unimportant, your feelings are valid. Trusting your instincts is key in recognizing when something isn’t right in a friendship.

💬 How to check in with yourself:

“How do I feel after interacting with my friend? Am I feeling drained or upset consistently?”

Feeling confused or undervalued might indicate unmet needs or disrespect.

3. Pay Attention to Unbalanced Effort

💡 What it means: Friendships are built on mutual effort and care. If you’re the only one initiating contact, making plans, or offering support, your expectations of equal effort might not be respected.

💬 What to notice:

You are always the one reaching out, and they rarely reciprocate.

Your friend doesn't seem to prioritize your needs or feelings, even when you express them.

4. Feelings of Being Overlooked or Ignored

💡 What it means: When you feel like you’re being overlooked or ignored by your friend, it can be a sign that they are not respecting your desire for attention, support, or connection.

💬 How to tell:

They don’t acknowledge important things you’ve shared with them.

They seem distracted or uninterested when you’re talking.

Your emotional needs aren’t being met in the relationship.

5. No Acknowledgment of Your Needs

💡 What it means: When you share your needs with your friend, whether emotional or physical, and they disregard or don’t acknowledge them, it signals that your expectations aren’t being respected.

💬 What to look for:

You’ve asked for something specific (e.g., more quality time, understanding in tough moments), but it’s ignored.

Your needs aren’t being acknowledged or are brushed off, leaving you feeling unimportant.

6. Feeling Like You’re Always Compromising

💡 What it means: While compromise is a healthy part of any relationship, if you feel like you’re constantly compromising or giving up too much of yourself to maintain the friendship, your boundaries and expectations might not be respected.

💬 What to think about:

Are you making most of the adjustments to keep the friendship going?

Do you feel like your needs are being pushed aside regularly?

7. Inconsistent or One-Sided Communication

💡 What it means: Healthy friendships thrive on open and honest communication. If communication becomes sporadic or one-sided, with your friend always taking but never giving, it can signal that your expectations aren’t being taken seriously.

💬 What to observe:

You put effort into communication, but your friend only responds when it’s convenient for them.

Your friend doesn’t show interest in what’s going on in your life but expects you to listen to theirs.

8. Feeling Unappreciated or Undervalued

💡 What it means: If you feel consistently unappreciated, it might be because your efforts, kindness, or care aren’t being respected. Every person deserves to feel valued in their friendships.

💬 What to reflect on:

Does your friend acknowledge your efforts, or do they take them for granted?

When you do something for them, do they show gratitude, or do they act like it’s expected?

9. Disrespect of Boundaries

💡 What it means: Boundaries are essential in maintaining healthy friendships. If your friend repeatedly disregards your boundaries, it’s a clear sign that your expectations for respect aren’t being met.

💬 What to notice:

They push you to do things you’ve said you’re not comfortable with.

They disregard your requests for space, time, or emotional boundaries.

10. Lack of Reciprocity in Support

💡 What it means: Friendships are built on mutual support, and if you find yourself giving emotional, physical, or practical support, but your friend never reciprocates, it might indicate that your expectations are not being respected.

💬 What to observe:

When you need support, your friend is unavailable or unsupportive.

Your friend seems to only reach out when they need something, without offering the same in return.

What You Can Do About It

Reflect on Your Expectations: Consider if your expectations are reasonable and fair. Sometimes, adjusting expectations can help, but they should never feel like they’re too much to ask.

Communicate Your Feelings: Talk to your friend about how you’re feeling. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame, like, “I feel hurt when…” or “I was expecting…”

Set Boundaries Clearly: If your boundaries aren’t being respected, be clear and assertive about what’s not working. Let your friend know what you need for the friendship to remain healthy.

Decide What’s Best for You: After talking about your expectations, consider whether the friendship is fulfilling and respectful. If your needs continue to go unmet, it may be time to reassess the friendship.

Final Thoughts

Recognizing when your expectations aren’t being respected is key to maintaining healthy, fulfilling friendships. It’s important to trust your feelings, communicate openly, and set boundaries to ensure that your emotional needs are met. Friendships should be mutual, supportive, and respectful, and if that’s not happening, it’s okay to take steps to address it.