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aromantic-romance-writer · 5 years ago

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Tokito Muichiro x Fem! Pillar! Reader! [It Starts with a Piggyback Ride]

Reposted this here from my other account because it was broken somehow

Aaahhhh!! This my first time EVER writing something kny related. Is this a headcannon? A one-shot? I'm still pretty confused with the terms Woops-

I hope you enjoy!

WARNING: Slight manga spoilers and a long read ahead!

"I'm [L/N] [F/N]. I look forward to be working with you." You smile at your now fellow pillars sincerely. You're only 16, yet here you are; now called the Air Pillar.

In just a few days, Mitsuri, Rengoku and Shinobu has taken a great liking to you already. You can't say the same for Shinazugawa but you surprisingly spend a lot of time with him. You mostly trained and fought with him though. He was deeply intrigued with your breath style. Uzui and Himejima were close enough with you to let you ride on them and train with them for fun. Then there's Iguro, who doesn't really interact with you too much. The same for Tomioka, though you heard he was like that with everyone.

And as for Tokito-kun, he doesn't interact with you at all. You do see him often spacing out. You thought the two of you would get along better than the others since you're both the youngest amongst the pillars, I guess you were wrong.

° ° °

The first time Muichiro saw you, he felt odd. You somehow give off a vibe like Oyakata-sama to him. When you introduced yourself, he felt drawn to your voice. Your voice reminded him of something, but he wasn't sure what, since he lost his memories. He didn't like what he was feeling, what you were doing to him. He distanced himself from you as much as he can. Plus, he was taller than you. Sometimes though, he would watch you. He would watch you talk with Kanroji and Koccho. You always had a calm composure, and you seemed to have an easy atmosphere. He woyld also watch you play along with Uzui's 'I am a god' act, listen to Rengoku's telling you about his past missions and ecncouragement, make an effort to communicate with Tomioka and Iguro. Of course, you applied the same effort with Muichiro, but he somehow always finds a way to distance himself with you.

One day, the older pillars were discussing about something. You were curious as they didn't include you in the sudden meeting. Was it important? Was it about a mission too dangerous for a newbie like you?

Finally, Rengoku spotted you and waved. "Ah, young [L/N]! You're just in time!"

You walked closer and tilted your head in confusion. "In time? For what?"

"Looks like Tokito just arrived as well." Shinobu added.

Shinobu's tone was giving you a bad feeling. Tokito-kun is just as confused as you are.

"Hah! I've seen this kid fight a hundred times already. I'm betting my ass on her." Shinazugawa says with a little too much confidence in his voice.

"This isn't really appropriate for the children..." Himejima grumbles in response.

"It could be fun! Our two youngest, heading face to face head-on! Flamboyantly!" Uzui's eyes sparkled.

Bad feeling confirmed.

° ° °

Muichiro wasn't comfortable at the idea of having a duel with you. He didn't know why, as he never even gave the time to consider talking to you. But it did piqued his interest that Shinazugawa himself acknowledged your strength.

You unsheathe your sword. He had just noticed that a deep-blue ribbon was tied around the handle of your sword with its two tails flowing like a graceful wave behind you due to the breeze. The blade was a blinding silver and it's quite short compared to normal blades. Even as you are about to battle, you wore a smile. "I'll be in your care, Tokito-kun."

Muichiro twitched and initiated first. It was rare for him to attack first, but he wanted to end this as soon as possible. With a deadpan expression, he says; "Breath of Mist, Seventh form: Haze". He charges at you. Before he can even come close...

"Breath of Air, Fourth form: Ozone Deflection." You spin your sword in front of you with full force like a giant fan. You gripped the tails of the ribbon of your sword tighter as all the mist Muichiro created blew away. He falls back, realizing what you have done to his attack.

How can a girl like you were able to deflect his attack like it was nothing? And that calm with a mix of ease expression you always have. He's getting serious now.

"Sixth form: Moonlit Mist." He attempts to attack you from above--

"First form: Intoxicating Oxygen." You deflected his ranged attacks with your swinging the sword around. The slashes of your sword while deflecting his ranged attacks reaches Muichiro. Each slash didn't hurt him or wound him, rather it suffocates him more and more.

He noticed that you weren't holding your sword by the handle at all. You attack and use it like a single nunchuck by gripping unto the tails of the ribbon tied to the handle. If he can only get closer and cut that damn ribbon...

He barely lands back on the ground, coughing and wheezing as he did so. You took this chance...!

"Third form: Mountain Peak." You charged at him with great speed, he barely saw you move. You swung your sword at him consecutively, not giving him time to catch his breath.

Why is the air thinning? Or is it just the form you're attacking at Muichiro? Or is it just because of how fast and continuous your attacks are?

"Second form: Eight Layered Mist." His attacks were as equally fast as yours, but not a single attack from each one of you hits the other.

Soon, one of his attacks reached you and was able to slice the tails of your ribbon. You cuss in frustration and took your sword by the handle before it reaches the ground. You dodged his attacks as you rolled to the side.

"First form: Hanging Sky, Distant Mist." Your eyes widen in conflict as to what form you should use to deflect his straightforward thrust attack. You decided you didn't have a choice.

"Breath Technique: Atmoshpere."

Muichiro stopped in his tracks. You disappeared. He just blinked for half a second and you were gone. A breath technique? What the hell is that? And how did you move without barely--

Muichiro felt his body freeze up as he felt the cool iron of a blade. Your blade. You were breathing hard. The breath technique you used exhausts you too much, but it was worth it.

You won.

"Hell, yeah!" Shinazugawa screamed in triumph. "All of you dumbasses owe me a drink."

"You're surprisingly hyped up about this." Iguro implies. But Shinazugawa doesn't listen.

"I had faith in you, young Tokito!" Rengoku huffs jokingly.

"Ara ara, I didn't think you'd lose, Tokito-kun." Shinobu says with a tone that annoyed Muichiro.

Mitsuri slithered her arms around your neck, pulling you into a hug. "You did so well, [Y/N]-chan!"

"You have such a unique combat style though. What a flamboyant way to use a sword!"

You thanked them and laughed. After that, you all had dinner at the Ubuyashiki Estate. Everyone was talking about your fight with Tokito-kun, and how you defeat him. It was all flattering, but you just really wanted to have a bond with Tokito-kun. Tokito finished early and went outside. You followed soon after, not wanting to be dragged into the older pillars' drinking sesh.

You found him sitting on the engawa, staring at the star-filled sky. You sat a few meters away from him. Tonight, you were determined to at least start a short and small coversation with him.

Muichiro doesn't take notice of your presence on purpose. He knew he was gonna distance himself from you, but he was embarassed of his loss. Leaving might give you an impression that he's ashame of it. Truthfully, he kinda is.

"You're such a skillful swordsman, Tokito-kun!" you compliment him suddenly, almost startling Muichiro. "Even though you're just 14 and have a small build, you seem to have enhanced strength. It was fun clashing blades with you!"

He stares at you. "Fun? You find that fun?"

You nodded, smiling blissfully under the light of the full moon. For a moment, Muichiro was entranced. He never knew a simple smile out of pure joy can be so magical to look at. And he sees grateful faces almost everyday. The people who he have saved would always thank him and smile, happy to be saved and alive. That felt good for him, of course, but seeing you smile such a wonderful smile felt different. It felt foreign to him. Now, he thought if you smile like that and he was the reason...

He felt as if his temperature went up by a few degrees. Is he sick? What's with the sudden high in temperature?

"T-Tokito-kun! Are you okay?" You ask with concern clear in your voice. "You're face is red..." you scooch closer to him. It only made his temperature higher. "May I?" you ask, gesturing if you can place your hand on his forehead. He nodded slowly. You place your hand on his forehead; resulting to an even hotter and redder Muichiro. "You're hot...you should call it a day and get some rest."

Muichiro just kept nodding. He didn't know why his temperature keeps getting higher and higher. What made him question the most is his fondness of you getting concerned for him. Somehow, this felt different from Shinobu and the Kakushis aiding him after missions. He couldn't control himself and lets you pamper him more. This was such a nostalgic feeling for him. Unfortunately, he doesn't remember anything.

All he knows is that he craves for more of your genuine care and concern for him.

You stood. "I'll walk with you to your residence before anything happens to you. I'll tell the others that we'll take our leave-"

You stop mid-sentence, surprised. Muichiro was holding unto your haori, his head low. He was feeling ashamed and good of himself at the same time.

"It's fine, they're too drunk to notice we're gone anyway." He says softly. His voice alarms you.

"A-are you okay?!" You place both your hands on his cheeks and crouched a little to level your eyes with his. It was probably a bad idea because the only thing you can think of is...

Adorable.

A d o r a b l e.

Muichiro was so cute for you at that moment, being red in the face with an embarassed expression.

But you forced yourself to come back to reality. "Tokito-kun, you're burning up! Can you walk?"

His hands slightly shakes as he clasped your hands and put them down. You give him space to stand, flushed about your actions and thoughts earlier. He stands successfully, but when he takes a step, his face almost meets the ground before you catch him.

"How can you have a blank expression right now..." You mumble to yourself as you examine Muichiro to see if he hurt himself. "This will be embarassing for you, but I need you to cooperate with me before you get a fever or flu." He stares at you expectantly.

° ° °

This was definitely not what he had in his mind.

He was riding on your back. A piggyback ride.

You gave him a piggyback ride. He wasn't sure what to feel about this.

"Tokito-kun, hold onto me or you'll fall." You say.

"...o-okay." His wraps his arms around your neck as he let his head rest on you, feeling flustered.

He admits that you are strong. You've proven that to him clearly. And it somehow gave him a sense of security when you're like this with him. The feeling also felt...nostalgic. He couldn't remember what, but it isn't like he's trying hard though.

The crickets were noisy tonight, and the cool breeze is making the leaves of trees rustle. The wisteria trees seems to be glowing with the moon. Deep in his heart, Muichiro wished to stay like this for the rest of the night.

"Are you okay back there?" You ask quietly, in case he was asleep.

He hummed in response. Now he understands why he was so drawn to your voice. Your voice was like a soothing and sweet lull to him. He can listen to you talk all day without even trying. Such a sweet and kind sound...

"Keep talking." He says blandly. He craves more of your voice.

"Oh, okay..." You decided this was a chance to get to know him better! "Do you like to cloud-gaze, Tokito-kun?"

He wanted to listen to you, but he doesn't mind talking with you. "Mhm. They're nice to look at."

"They are since they can form into familiar shapes. I like the stars better though." You smile to yourself. Stars were very beautiful, and you can't help but feel jealous of their beauty.

"You said that you had fun earlier...why so?"

You give it a thought before answering. "Most people would feel anxious about being in a fight, but it's a different case for me. I feel excitement runnung through my veins instead. The sound of swords clashing, the raspy breathing I'll have because of exhaustion...it gives me such an adrenaline rush!" Your eyes sparkled. "Of course, I was against of the idea of fighting you though."

Muichiro stays quiet, waiting for a reason why.

"You're just so cute, Tokito-kun!"

He blushed. Hard.

His heart was beatung way too fast than it should be, and he was starting to sweat. He fiddled with his fingers and attempts to hide his face in your soft hair even though you can't see his reaction. But you can feel his heartbeat against you. You laughed is response.

"Cut it out."

"I'm just being honest."

"Yeah, cut it out."

You let out a giggle, making Muichiro blush even more. What the hell is happening to him?

° ° °

Everyday since then, he was clingy towards you. He was always beside you during meetings, eating meals with the other pillars, sometimes when you chat with Shinobu and Mitsuri. The other pillars were aware of what Muichiro is showing you, but they decided to shut their mouths to tease him. It was obvious he has no idea what he's doing, moreover what he feels about you. Whenever he would give you space, though, he would sit on the engawa and 'cloud-gaze'. That's what he claims. In reality, he would watch you. If he can't be beside you, it doesn't mean he can't watch you, right? Whenever you look at his direction though, he would look up and pretend that he's been watching the clouds this whole time.

"[Y/N]-chan~." Mitsuri calls you with a sly smile. "Have you not noticed it yet?"

You tilt your head in confusion.

"It seems like she has no idea, actually." Shinobu laughs.

You blink. "What?"

Mitsuri giggled like a five-year-old. "[Y/N], you're too cute for your own good."

"I think the right word is dense." Shinobu adds.

"Please don't compare me to Tomioka-san..." You sheepishly smile, half-joking. Shinobu is happy at your response.

She has a bad influence on you regarding Tomioka.

"Really though. You don't see it?" Mitsuri asks. Shinobu turns to Muichiro, who was looking at your direction. Shinobu waves at him with an innocent smile. He was about to hesitantly wave back, when you turned to him. His face was tinted with an obvious color of red and quickly looked down.

Oh. That's what they meant.

"Do you see it now?"

You nodded, feeling a bit flustered as well. Honestly, you've noticed this behaviour already last week. You didn't want to be full of yourself as you thought it was only you, so you shook the thought off. But knowing that the pillars noticed as well...

Your heart skipped a beat.

Muichiro is fun to be with. He had this side you never knew he had. And you noticed that he only shows that side to you. He was adorable, yes, but he had this charming side to him as well. And the smile he always gives you.

You fiddle at the sleeves of your haori, embarassed. You like him as well. Though all this time you kept convincing yourself that he only sees you as a big sister, since you're older and taller than him.

"[Y/N]-chan! You're sooooo cute!" Mitsuri squealed, pulling you into a tight embrace.

"M-Mitsuri-san!" You stutter. Shinobu just laughs. Your reaction was adorable for them.

° ° °

"Muichiro-kun!"

Later that afternoon, you dcided to spend it with Muichiro. Your heart is already beating out of your chest.

He was silent and just stared at you. You blink a few times. Did you do something wrong? Did he know what you and the other female pillars talked about earlier?

"W-what's wrong?" You ask before you sit beside him on the engawa.

He stares at the ground for a minute before answering. "Rengoku-san and Uzui-san told me something. I'm not sure if it's true..."

The Sound and Flame pillar had given Muichiro a pep talk this morning.

"Tokito, you like [L/N]." Uzui says bluntly.

Muichiro just stared at him. "I know that. Doesn't everyone like her though?"

Rengoku laughed heartily while Uzui face palmed.

"Young Tokito! It seems that you have not realized your feelings yet!"

"Yeah, no shit."

Muichiro just wants to walk away at this point, but Rengoku grabbed his shoulders.

"Tokito...you must know what love is, right?"

He nodded.

"Then let me rephrase Uzui's statement; Tokito, you love [Y/N]."

Muichiro processed what he said. After a few seconds, his face basically exploded. Does he love you? LOVE? Well, he likes the other pillars as well, but he likes you more though. He always wants to lean on you, smile with you, be safe with you...

...to be with you...

Muichiro wanted to stab himself with his sword.

"Question is, does she love you back?" Uzui adds.

Now Muichiro wanted to stab him.

"Why don't you ask her?" Rengoku smiles radiantly.

Now Muichiro wants to stab both of them.

"Just tell her this, then if she reacts this way, you'll know." Uzui winks. "We've got your back."

Can't he just stab himself right now?

"What's that?" You tilt your head a little.

You cute bundle of joy. How the hell is he supposed to say that to you?

He takes a deep breath. "[Y-Y/N]..." he started the statement, too late to back down now. "...I want to be with you."

You stare at him. His head was low, but you can see how red his face is. After some processing, you were a blushing mess.

"E-eehhh?!"

"B-before you say anything...!" he finally looks up at you. He froze. You were very red in the face. Your eyes were darting around. You were fiddling with your hands and hair.

All the reactions Uzui stated.

"...You're more beatiful than the stars!" He exclaimed almost too loudly. "You don't have to compare yourself with the stars. You're pretty just the way you are."

You swear, you're gonna have a heart attack soon.

"A-and I want to take care of you. You make me feel safe. You make me feel like I don't have to draw my sword when I'm around you, but I'll protect you too! My memories aren't back but that doesn't matter as long as I get to see you smile everyday..." he finished. His knuckles were white, anxious and afraid to what you will say.

You finally calmed down and smiled softly. You wrap your hands around his own, making him look at you. You were both a blushing mess, but you were more calm now. You kiss his nose and rest your forehead against his.

"I feel the same way. Thank you for coming into my life. Let's protect each other, Muichiro-kun."

Muichiro has never felt so happy, and hummed in agreement. You stayed like that for what felt like forever.

° ° °

"Muichiro-kun, give this to Tanjiro and the others at the Pillar Training later." You hand him 3 bento boxes and kiss him on the forehead. He was disappointed he can't do the same since you're taller, but you still appreciate his surprise kisses on your cheek.

"Can't you delay the mission just a little bit?" he pouted. You giggle at his cuteness.

"I'm sorry I have to go, Mui, but I promise I'll be back before midnight, okay?" he placed the bento boxes down and hugged you tight.

He regained his memories a while back and met a kind hearted boy named Tanjiro. Though your first meeting was a bit rough, the both of you were very fond of him and soon became close with him and his demon sister. Tanjiro and Nezuko, as well as most of the pillars, are supportive of your relationship. While Zenitsu, Inosuke, Shinazugawa and Iguro woukd either be pretending to throw up or disapproves, or just gets jealous and tries to snatch you away (mostly Zenitsu, and his reason would always be 'because you're the same age', resulting with Muichiro training him harder than ever.)

"You better be back. I'll be waiting for your return." he tries to sound intimidating, despite smiling.

You wave at him as he waves back. "Don't be too harsh on training today!" And you set off.

° ° °

"You're a strong one. You only survived from that attack."

The smell of blood was pungent as at least dozens of corpses clothed in either yukatas and kimonos or the black demon slayer uniform were lying on the cold ground.

"T-this was s-supposed to be a mission suitable for us Tsuchinoto, then an upper moon shows up...!" the demon slayer tells himself, shaking in fear under the intimidating eyes - 6 eyes - of the demon. He attempts to kill him, before--

"Breath of Air, Second form: Jagged Pierce Breathing."

You saved the confused and afraid demon slayer before the demon lands a blow. His arm sprayed blood all over in a zigzag, before the wounds completely closed.

"Run. Escape, and report immediately." You tell him. He didn't hesitate and ran away as fast as he can, but it was useless. The demon had caught up to him and killed him on the spot.

"Breath of Air? In all my years, I haven't heard of that one." he says, as if he didn't just kill a person. As if nothing happened.

His presence made your skin crawl with fear. You gripped tightly on the tails of the ribbon tied to your sword until your knuckles turned white. You can't move, afraid that a single step might do harm on you from him just by looking at you. You took in the scene - the horrifying scene. Adrenaline coursed through your veins. It was a different kind; it wasn't the same as you've always felt when you fight. A new emotion slowly envelopes you.

"I guess you're about to know." You say as fear turned to rage. Without you knowing, a demon slayer mark has appeared on your wrist. Then you see everyone's smiling faces flash before you one by one. Muichiro was last and the longest. Then it ocurred to you.

Upper Moon One.

You're not gonna survive this fight.

You weren't sure if you were gonna win or not.

But you'll die trying. You quietly apologize to Muichiro for breaking your promise.

The demon, with a blank expression, says to you;

"Don't disappoint me."

° ° °

Everyone was at their own home. Enjoying the morning, or eating breakfast, or training. Either way, everyone was calm and peaceful. Then the color of the crow, dark, have influenced the moods of the ones closest to [Y/N] as their own crows brought the news.

The pillars were in disbelief. Mitsuri cried while Shinobu was on the verge of tears, but tried to remain calm. "First, Rengoku-san, now..." She couldn't continue her sentence. Shinazugawa's hatred for the demons only increased as he almost grew violent to the point of almost destroying his own dojo. Uzui heard the news and visited the Ubuyashiki Estate, meeting the other pillars there. They also had a meeting so everyone was present, even Uzui when he's already reitred. Muichiro was the only one who didn't show. Oyakata-sama had exempted him from the meeting.

Muichiro was the last to hear the news. His crow brought along with the news a tattered and bloodied ribbon. Its natural blue color was barely visible because of the blood. He lost his brother, then Rengoku, then you...

You, who brought joy to his world. You, where he can only feel safe. You, who would braid your hair, gaze at the clouds and stars with him, train with him, eat with him and with friends, live happily with him...

At first, he couldn't believe it. But his crow wasn't done delivering the message as it didn't fly away yet. His usually obnoxious crow was quiet, as it can feel the tremendous amount of emotions he's feeling. He saw a piece of parchment tied to its leg. With shaking hands, he carefully unties the parchment from its leg and read what it said.

There, written in blood with your familiar handwriting.

"I love you."

That's where he broke down. The words he always wanted to say. You managed to say it to him first, even after you have died. His sobs were loud. He never cried like this. He never felt this kind of pain before since hmthe death of his brother.

He felt absolutely broken. He misses your soothing voice already.

Tanjiro arrives with Nezuko on his back, who seemed to have been crying on the way. He comforted him as best as he could.

His chest hurt as he brought the ribbon close to him. The only piece of your memory.

After a few months, Muichiro have regained himself and did his best at training the demon slayers, doing his job as a pillar, and making up to Oyakata-sama for not showing up to a lot of meetings. When he was done for the day, he would go straight home and hold your sword that has been delivered to him 2 weeks after your death. On display, a jar decorated with the tattered ribbon stood. Inside were your ashes. Luckily, your battle with the upper moon demon lasted until morning, so you're body was still there. He would always tell you about his day. But he always says the same sentence after he's done.

"[Y/N], you're so unfair..." he whispers. "...you met and seen my brother before me."

° ° °

Muichiro couldn't believe it. In the infinite fortress, there he stood.

Upper Moon One.

The same demon who killed you.

His hands trembled, gripping his sword. He took the ribbon from your jar and have tied it around the hilt of his sword. He can feel his blood boiling. He can feel the anger surge through him as memories of you become fresh on his mind. He was gonna lose it.

"Calm yourself." Your soothing and sweet voice echoed, sounding hollow and afar.

But then a breeze. A breeze that was never meant to be there. A cool breeze as if to cool him down. A breeze where he can breathe. A non-existent breeze.

He can feel your arms hug around his neck; the same way he hugged you that day being carried on your back.

"Breathe. Breathe, Mui, and you will win."

He closed his eyes. "I love you..." he can feel you smile. Soon, he couldn't feel your warmth anymore.

He's gonna avenge you.

Somehow. Even if it kills him.

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bigtimebellydance · 8 years ago

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I’m pretty sure I’ve already posted this SOMEWHERE back in the way-backs when I first discovered it, buuut since I can’t find that original post to repost, I guess we’ll just have a li’l do-over here. Given Mariah Carey’s recent issues on live NYE coverage, it seems a pertinent subject. (Regardless of where you stand on what happened w/Mariah that night.)

If you’ve ever performed on stage, you KNOW how all kiiiiiiinds of things can go kerflooey at any possible moment when it’s your turn to shine. Tech difficulties like music & lighting can go up in flames (sometimes literally), you might get funky stages, sticky stages, uneven/lumpy/grass “stages,” audience.. interruptions/”participation,” environmental/atmospheric interference (especially if you’re outdoors), etc. all regardless of what type of on-stage artform you practice. Most performers seasoned & new recognize that those factors and LOTS more can contribute to a WILDLY varying experience, both for the audience and the performer, making every time you get on stage a unique & heart-pounding adventure. And on top of allll that, no matter how many times one may perform a song/piece, by the very nature of live performance (voice conditions, sound conditions, personal health, energy levels, mood/emotion of the performer, etc.), EVERY individual performance is different.

So when those of us who’ve been onstage see a train-wreck like what happened on NYE, it’s a multi-layered experience. We take in the show as both a fellow entertainer, and as an audience-member. (And hopefully, we’re ALL rooting for the best outcome & the performer’s success, regardless of which side of the “fence” we may happen to be leaning toward at the time. After all, this ain’t “Showgirls” or “Jackass.”) When people go to a show, no one -wants- to see a performer fail. Folks don’t go to a venue or turn on the telly to watch an entertainer wiff it onstage unless they’re watching something like SNL where that’s the whole POINT of the act, yanno? (Which is also a great comfort to those of us who struggle w/stagefright. It’s a important thing to remember; that the audience WANTS us to do well. They came to see a great show. They WANT us to succeed. That’s why they’re THERE. That’s why they paid their money.) And that’s why the people BEHIND the show put soooo much work into it. That’s why the organizer MADE the show- to succeed. That’s why the stage manager and the lighting guys, the tech crew and props masters (if there are such folks in a show), are THERE to make it frickin’ AMAZING for the audience. Alllll the focus put on a show is created to SUCCEED, so EVERYONE can have a GREAT show, from the audience to the performers to the people behind the scenes. The audience wants a great show that makes them happy and uplifted and fulfilled, and the creators & participants want something rockin’ to put on their résumés. It’s the nature of the beast.

So.. what do we do when something goes wrong..? How do we handle it when there’s a wardrobe malfunction, a tech snafu, a forgotten word or a missed step..? Or a FEW? Or, Heavens forbid, everything grinds to a hault..?

Walp.. first let me say that there’s a reason why the phrase “the show must go on” exists. People have paid their money. Performers are dressed and made up and ready to go. The lighting, music n’ tech guys have showed up and everybody’s there to give a thousand percent. ..And when things fail, THAT’S when you give a thousand and TWENTY percent. Moments where things hiccup or falter are the times when your mettle as a performer, your real heart & soul are tested n’ shown. Both reflected back at yourself, as well as to your fellow performers, to your behind-the-scenes crew, as well as to your audience. And if all goes well, the audience will never know you flubbed a word, or missed a shimmy, or botched a verse, or turned the wrong way, or missed your line, etc. Because you didn’t let your “woops” show- or stop you if it did. :) That’s what alllll that practicing and rehearsing is for- to account for allll possible variables- and to be prepared -just- in case the unthinkable happens. It’s so you are READY, NO MATTER WHAT.

But of course, we’re all human, and NO act is 100% bulletproof. Practicing may be armour, but sledgehammers and wrecking balls still happen. ;) Performer or tech engineer, stage manager or guy whose phone goes off in an intense onstage moment, we all make mistakes. We all have bad days and moments where we wanna rage at the world or kick things (including ourselves). We all have days where we don’t have the energy or our hearts aren’t in it. Or we’re sick. Or we’re grieving. Or.. etc. It happens. Even in the most ideal of situations and w/the most practice, sometimes flubs happen. So.. back to that “what do we do when..?” Basically, we take a deeeeep breath, learn to slow things down in our heads for a moment, learn how to improvise.. how to smile when we feel like crying, running or freezing up.. and we roll with it. (But if you don’t know how to do those things just yet, that’s okay. Those are skills that will come with time and experience, and having just about everything go wrong in every possible scenario while you’re getting that experience. ;) With each new obstacle a performer is faced with, they learn different ways to surmount it. That’s how they eventually overcome it. Dance around it. It’s how you learn. And how you get better. :)

My first time performing on grass outside MESSED ME UP SO MUCH I can’t even. As a li’l half-blind girl, I never went outside to play much because thanks to my depth perception & nearsightedness, I was always falling into holes, tripping over roots, walking into brambles, getting slapped in the face by branches, and I hated that shite. To this day, I still don’t much enjoy being outdoors- unless it’s on flat/paved ground or by the ocean (which is.. again- kinda flat ground ;)). So when I first danced under a tree in the grass, while I LOVED the magic of the moment, the tree, the light, the air.. the music and the audience.. as I danced I must confess that yours truly struggled w/every rock & rut my bare feet encountered. Every dent in the earth, mud patch, tree root.. OMG. And TURNING ON GRASS?? DEWD. TURNING ON GRASS. ..I -still- marvel at how in gourd’s name you can SPIN on freaking GRASS. O.o ...

But ya know what..? Even through my struggles, and even though I -hated- it before, during and after (you should’ve heard how I criticized myself to my fellow performers after I was done, another foul move which is SO NOT kosher dancer etiquette), I still got through it. It wasn’t easy, but I muddled through, and the ultimate result was the audience seemed to enjoy it, I had a decent performance overall (even with my private, silent struggles regarding the terrain), and nobody (I hope/pray) knew I was basically shrieking “EEK,” “OMG OMG OMG” or “OH SH**!!” inside, every time my foot fell down on something that wasn’t flat, soft dirt. (No lie, I spent at LEAST 50-75% of that performance internally just dead CERTAIN I was about to faceplant in the grass w/a twisted or broken ankle- at any given second...)

Yet from that experience, I got a little better at learning how to dance on grass. At dealing w/uneven surfaces beneath my dancing feet. At NOT showing the uncertainty and terror in my eyes, on my face or in my movements as I performed- or even took/left the stage. ..So when I did it again the next year, in the same site- I was more prepared. Better equipped to handle the ruts and the little dirt divots, and that whole lack of spin-ability thing. I was less “OMGOMGOMGIHATETHISWHYDIDIDOTHISWHATAMIDOINGHOLYSHIIIITE!!!” and more “it’s gonna be okay. It ain’t easy, I’m kinda skurred, but I CAN DO THIS.”

And that’s just one mild, teeny example. (Not to mention from one girl who, due to vision impairment/a disability, has certain, very specific concerns, issues n’ needs that don’t necessarily affect other dancers w/different situations/abilities.) Regardless of discipline or performer, there are some bigtime horror stories about how things have gone wrong during perfectly “normal,” SUPER seasoned, experienced as CRAP performers’ attempts at putting on a show. -Like the ones we see every day.

Want more from my playbook..? Here are a few examples:

When I was in Germany w/our high school chorus, I sprained my hand while trying to keep myself upright as I slipped down the last few stairs of this MARVELOUS cathedral, as we entered from the balcony for our performance. The tears came n’ went as I sang through the concert, holding my hand behind the person in front of me, and when it was all over, my German host family took me to the hospital n’ got me treated. (SHOUT OUT TO MAREN & FAMILY, IF YOU CAN READ THIS!! ♥♥♥)

My chorus teacher tells of a previous choir he directed that performed on a stage w/old globe lights that hung from the ceiling, just above the stage. -And how in mid-performance, one spontaneously let go and FELL to the ground, crashing to smithereens RIGHT in front of a singer in the front row. -Who promptly fainted, got carried offstage while the choir continued to sing, -and the performance went on.

And what bellydancer who’s performed with a veil or a sword hasn’t had a prop go awry at one time or another..? Swords keep spinning or overbalance and fall off, veils catch headpieces or hair n’ fall forward, leaving their dancers blinded and faceless. Veils get tangled or flung or won’t do their “tricks” at the WORST possible time.. and I’m not even gonna GO into wardrobe malfunctions like bras n’ skirts falling off! *lol* Plus there’s DJs playing the wrong music, music that won’t start or stops in the middle of your dance (had some of those latter things happen m’self- at times in the same show). People slip, people trip, knees and heels get caught in skirts.. jewelry n’ belts catch on.. everything... Ahh.. such possibility for “adventure!” ;D

These are just a few illustrations of how things can go kerschplut in the middle of a show. But that’s okay!! Good teachers, and LOTS of experience help prepare you for the snafus! (I hope early dancers don’t see this and go “aww HELL NO- NEVERMIND THIS NONSENSE!!” -and stop dancing/striving/performing, w/the fear that it’s all bad. ‘Cause it’s SOOO NOT! These are dangers that ANY performer will deal with- just in different mediums- over a huuuuge span of performances- the vast majority of which go pretty darned right! ^_^) No matter the artform, there are LOTS of artful ways of overcoming ”oops” moments. ^_^ The point is, how you deal with the glitches is important. As a performer, ya just.. kinda hafta learn how to gracefully handle the oopses- and roll with them- like this EPIC footage shows of Unmata doing. :) Their music wouldn’t play during their show at Jamballah NW, and.. they still danced. (And EPICLY at that! XD) -Plus what’s better, their AUDIENCE ended up becoming their rhythm section- out of sheer appreciation and admiration for Unmata’s amazing skill and showmanship!! (’Cause we all know it took GUTS and STYLE IN MASSES to KEEP GOING!! XD)

So how do you cope when the fit hits the shan..? Well.. you’ve got a few options to keep a “woops” from stopping you in your tracks. :)

You can play it off (ohohohoh, I MEANT to do that!)

laugh at it/make fun of it, (hey Mr. Sword, you were supposed to stay ON my head! Now GET back over here you naughty critter!!)

Address it (woops, I goofed!) and keep dancing,

NOT address it n’ recover/recoup as smoothly n’ deftly as possible (I.e. make like a cat n’ pretend nobody saw that- while you do your best to ENSURE that no one does.) Just keep rolling n’ stealthily cover the Woops up,

go with something COMPLETELY new by improv’ing like a CHAMP, (accidentally spin into your troupemate, fake a moment of a tete-a-tete style standoff until y’all can resume)

treat it as a trial for a new moment to incorporate into the act (oh wait, this 3/4 shimmy works better at that moment w/the music anyway- YAY!)

get the audience in on it (um.. HELLO STRANGER whom I just draped my ENTIRE veil over in the front row! Thanks for holding that for me! *shimmy shimmy*)

Etc. :)

And heck, if you have to, you can even stop n’ start again if something really, reeeeallllly goes awry. (I’ve seen it done on a few bellydance stages m’self, and when I was a kid and doing my first big performance, I did that once too. I fluffed up a line, started my song at the wrong place, broke into tears & ran off stage. ..But after a minute, got back up there- having told the MC through tearstained eyes n’ gritted teeth “NO, I WANNA TRY IT AGAIN.” 'cause I REFUSED to not do my performance n’ let that horrid mess be how I let things end. -Yes.. I was stubborn.. even at around 6. ;)) But I would only recommend this as your LAST possible recourse. ‘Cause this option does kiiinda stop the show.. and there’s not always an opportunity to get a reboot. Still, it does take courage!

No matter HOW you do it though, the point is; be a good sport, be humble, and KEEP GOING, ‘cause the show REALLY Must Go ON. (Besides, most folks weren’t THERE at your rehearsals anyway, right..? So if you miss a step or flub a word, unless it’s the National Anthem, how do they know your “oops” wasn’t an intentional part of the show..?? The only way they might know you’ve messed up is if you SHOW them by freezing, freaking out, etc. So ROLL with it, ‘cause they may never know! ;D)

As performers, we hafta remember that Ish* Happens, and that it’s not the end of the world if it does. (After all, NO ONE is ever totally, 100% perfect. NO performance is perfect. ‘Cause again, ALL. ‘OOMAN. Our meatsack bodies have limits unfortunately, and sometimes that’s hard for our limitless brainsacks to wrap our minds around.) -And we artists really CAN be our own worst critics!! Sure, that moment might SUCK, but even if we’ve flubbed it, we CAN still be okay. ‘Cause there WILL be other shows, and like we said at the beginning of this ramble; the audience, the production co, EVERYONE WANTS us to succeed! ^_^ The important thing is to RECOVER. (And do so w/as much grace and finesse as possible. ;)) After all, people have come to see us put on a show, and THAT’S what we’re there to do. :)

Either way, no matter how big or small the flub, I guarantee you that your audience (not to mention your fellow performers, stage crew- & yourSelf, down the line) will appreciate you and your craft, tenacity n’ heart LOTS more if you KEEP GOING with your show if you goof/things go pear-shaped. ‘Cause it takes GUTS to perform, and it takes even MORE guts to keep going when things go wrong. -And most folks can appreciate that. No doubt, it’s easier to stop, cry, freeze like a deer in headlights, or turn around and stomp off stage. (All of which are commonly a part of the learning process, so if you’re a student and have done these things, NO WORRIES. PLEASE DON”T GIVE UP. Just get back up there and KEEP PERFORMING.) But it’s tougher to KEEP GOING. -And people recognize that. A -true- BADASS will get back up on that “horse” and RIIIDE it through the storm, with gusto! ^_^ ..So do your thang, and everyone will appreciate that even when things DIDN’T work, even when you slipped and got yer dress all torn, YOU still shined. They’ll remember that YOU didn’t let even the WORST stop you. And that takes some SERIOUSLY quick wit, bravery, and cojones!! (Or ovaries, or.. whatever you prefer. :))

Sparkling is never easy. But sparkling while pewp is actively raining down n’ you’re totally slipping in it is the mark of a professional. ;) It shows everyone that no matter what, you can comport yourself with perseverance, class, poise, grace, humbleness, skill and strength of character- which is what will keep everyone cheering.. even after the music has long stopped. ♥♥♥

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