#rent's gone up so damned much everywhere that for somewhere halfway decent it costs about as a mortgage to rent anyway | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rubenesque-as-fuck · 13 days

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Anyway I got notified that I'll be getting a nice $$ bonus from work today and I wish that I could celebrate with someone in a way that didn't just feel like obnoxious bragging. Like beyond the financial aspect, it's just nice to be recognized for good work and I actually feel... good?? about this job??

But it feels so silly to say I want to celebrate when I just got back from what felt like my first real vacation in a very long time and am doing cool comic con stuff this weekend and am scheduled for a new tattoo next weekend. I am already doing lots of things to try to make myself feel good! It feels selfish to want more!

But I guess even with all of that, there's just still a hunger for external validation from trusted sources. Will I ever grow out of wanting someone to be proud of me?

#stoned ramblings #life of faye #i swear I'm not as sad right now as this makes me sound just kinda lonely is all #work bonus #boss also said that if i wanted to take on more responsibility we could talk raises as well #and like most days I'm done by like 1 so it's not like I'm wildly overworked as it is #I'm going to set some aside for fun stuff and the rest is going in my savings #i am finally FINALLY trying to build up a savings again #it's probably a silly dream but I still want to save up for a house #so what else can i do but try and save?#rent's gone up so damned much everywhere that for somewhere halfway decent it costs about as a mortgage to rent anyway #the only reason my rent is semi-managable is because I've been here for 8 damn years so they haven't been able to drive it up as much #other apartments here start at hundreds more per month for new tenants #so i feel like I'm stuck here until i can afford a place #my one real hope is that I inherit enough from my midwest grandma when she passes to make a good down payment somewhere #sometimes to torture myself I like to go look at houses that I think are in my approximate realistic price range if i could cover the down #i want a yard for velma #i want to be able to open my blinds and/or windows and not feel like a whole apartment complex's worth of people can see me #i want a kitchen where all the burners work and I have enough counter space to work #i want a dryer system where my apartment doesn't get filled with warm wet air when the neighbors are doing their laundry #i want to do nude gardening #and have backyard bbqs with friends #i want enough dedicated space to do art that i don't constantly have to shuttle the easel around the living room and up and down the stairs #all pipe dreams i know #but hey the grandma did say that i was one of her three main inheritors in the will #so we'll see #just to be clear she has not passed but she's nearing 90 and keeps talking about it so it's hard not to think about you know?#anyway these are the sorts of things that i would talk about if I had someone to cuddle on the couch and talk to about my day #texts to nobody

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