#remus lumping fan art

[myrows]

Praying at you altar

[cursestothemoon]

yay for the open requests! I really reallyyyyyy love your Harry's older sister hc, could u pretty pls do more? like their brief life as a family with lily and james, then to the dursleys and then at war, so on. I agree with the anon that did the request, harry does needed a bigger sister❤️

aH I LOVED THESE REQUESTS

YOU GUYS CAN READ THE HEADCANONS THIS ANON IS TALKING ABOUT HERE

ok so this is L O N G i need to add a keep reading tab

alright so let's talk about harry's older sister

so lily and james did not plan you

they were straight out of hogwarts

just having fun

and suddenly lily is having morning sickness and james running into a store to buy a pregnancy test (or whatever the wizard equivalent would be 😗)

james would be so nervous the weeks leading up to your birth

he already knows that you aren't even here yet and there isn't anything he wouldn't do for you

and when you are born

he swears he'd never love anything as much as he loves you

his little girl

this sweet little lump of baby fat that was born with eyes just like his

he'd put his glasses on your little baby face, and he could laugh for hours at the way they just barely sat on your little nose (a miniature version of his)

your chubby little baby hands are his favorite

when you'd plan your hands on his face or wrap your hand around his finger he'd melt

Lily would joke all the time about how she carried the baby yet James is constantly hogging her

I think james would have some serious separation anxiety

Lily would also have trouble leaving you to go do something but she knew that you getting to see other people would be good

james is NOT a fan

and you were a big daddy's girl

"it's going to be alright, darling, uncle Padfoot and uncle Moony will take care of you."

and you'd respond with sad baby talk, something along the lines of 'daddy' and 'wanna stay with you' and you'd get all teary eyed

it's a whole dramatic scene

youre crying

james is about to cry

Sirius is quite literally trying to sob silently into his hand because you just look so sAD

and remus and lily are just

😐

because you guys do this eVERY TIME

there was one time james got back into the car with lily after dropping you off and he was unusually quiet until he kinda just whispered out

"It just feels like i'll never have enough time with her, like one day i'll wake up and suddenly she's not mine anymore."

his tone gave Lily the worst chills, his tone and the fact that she felt the same though never voiced it

honestly

i don't think harry was planned either

he kinda just happened

and they were like

you know what, yes.

so you were two when harry was born

and you LOVED your baby brother

he was so small

so cute

and he had your mum's green eyes

from the get go you were very protective of your little brother

james thought it was the cutest thing

ok ive been avoiding it

but we need to talk about October 31 1981

you were upstairs with our mum and harry

james was downstairs cleaning up from dinner

that was when there was a knock on the door

assuming it was peter, uncle wormtail, james was quick to go open the door

grabbing his wand for protection was the last thing on his mind

the thud of his body was loud

he was killed before he could even open his mouth to warn Lily

the door to Harry's nursery flew open and it all happened so fast

there was screaming

bargaining

a sudden flash fo green before Voldemort turned to harry

his cold, pale hand pushed you out of his way

the prophecy had said nothing about you, so he didn't care for what happened to you he just needed to kill harry

which obviously backfired

half the house was blown up

he was gone

harry was crying

and you just wanted your dad

you found your way downstairs, just barely making it down the steps

lily and james had never let you go up or down the steps on your own

only to come face to face with your dad just lying on the ground motionless

his eyes were still open

now i want you guys to think of the lion king

you know the scene where simba finds mufasa's dead body and just lays with it because he doesn't know where else to go

you just wanted any kind of comfort you could find

so with tear streaks going down your face you slayed next to your dad, getting as close as you could, hoping he'd just wake up

sirius is the one who finds you, asleep next to james' body

it was rather rough for sirius

and he could hear harry crying somewhere upstairs

you wake up to uncle padfoot trying to keep in his tears as he takes in the scene before him

you're just glad to see a familiar face

you run over to him, tears freshly falling as you wail about how daddy and mommy won't wake up

you also gently pull james' glasses off his face and keeping them in your small hand

keeping them safe for him later

you knew he didn't like to sleep with his glasses on

eventually hagrid shows up

you guys know the story

but i will say

it takes a lot for you to leave uncle pads and go with this big strange man

youre basically heaving as you beg to stay with sirius

and forcing you off his hip and onto the bike with hagrid was the worst thing he's ever had to do

even for a two year old, youre eyes held such a strong emotion of betrayal

sirius would never forget it

the dursley's were not fond of you and harry

you had james temper and stubbornness

harry was just a 6 month old baby

doing 6 month old baby things

for the first month you'd ask for james, lily, uncle moony, uncle padfoot, even uncle wormtail on a daily basis

until one day petunia just snapped

you had asked about sirius, or as you called him uncle padfoot, and petunia lost it

she started to shout, her hand coming out to strike your cheek as she told you that no one was coming

not now

not ever

you never asked after that

over time you forgot about sirius and remus and peter

you forgot about the song your dad would sing every saturday morning when making breakfast

or the way your mom would hum when she brushed your hair

all lily and james had become were familiar scents and the same pair of eyes you'd see in your dreams (though for a long time you just assumed they were your eyes, they looked enough like yours)

and you grew up always feeling like you were on the wrong side of a billowing curtain

you and harry grew up only having each other

you were very protective of him

and dudley hated it

because you had James art for pranks

and his art for rarely getting caught

unfortunately for you petunia and vernon didn't need evidence to incriminate you

you were often on the receiving end of disciplinary swats and missed meals

and you'd often take harry's punishments for him

you and harry were also forced to share a room

or cupboard

you let him decorate it with all his things (he didn't have many)

and you guys shared a bed up until you got your hogwarts letter

which that was kept very quiet

you got the letter

and petunia and vernon were just glad to be able to send you and your pranks away

you weren't allowed to tell harry

but you did anyway

secretly

you didn't tell him all the details but you told him that you were going to a school far away and you'd be back whenever aunt petunia let you back

going to school was interesting

you didn't know anyone

bUT HAGRID WAS ALSO THERE TO HELP YOU AND BUY YOU YOURE STUFF AND HE BOUGHT YOU YOUR FIRST WAND

you still have james' glasses

you put them on when youre nervous

so youre sitting in the train

first day

you don't know anyone

big round glasses sitting on your nose as you look out the window barely able to see what's going on

james was as blind as a bat

on the train you spend your time reading your new books

absorbing all the material

you were not going to just walk into this new school of mAGIC not knowing aNYTHING

by the time you got there you were at leas base level with most subjects

some were easier to catch onto than others

as long as you didn't let the logical side of your brain do too much work

within the first week you'd find out about your parents

curtesy of older gryffindor kids who knew your last name and were just amazed by the story

oH ALSO YOURE IN GRYFFINDOR

AND WHEN MCGONAGALL READS YOUR NAME SHE GASPS TO HERSELF

BECAUSE

Y/N POTTER

she remembers when james had written to her with the news of Lily's pregnancy with you

and how he was nervous you'd come out just like him and he wouldn't be able to handle you as well as she had, he was asking her for advice

and when you walked up to sit on the chair she nearly dropped her scroll of parchment and pulled you into a hug

you looked just like him

dark hair

pale skin

same eyes and eye shape

and same habit of picking at the skin around your thumb nail when nervous

the hat announcing you were a gryffindor was very overwhelming for her

then she realizes you

are e x a c t l y

like james

and merlin is she tiRED OF THIS SHIT

ok so at this point i am going to direct you to the other headcanon (linked above) if you want a more fred x reader approach 

continue here if not

so youre on the quidditch team

and youre a natural 

let me tell you

you just have the innate ability 

much like james

and at first they had you as a seeker

and you were good

but you excelled as a chaser 

i also firmly believed that there was a practice broom that james had carved his name into

or maybe just a ‘J.P.’

that was the broom you'd practice on

even use for games before you got your own broom

ok so

let’s talk your relationship with harry 

you made sure you were the one to tell him what happened to your parents

as i said it was your first year when you fond out about what happened 

the gryffindor student had told you what they knew

and you went to professor mcgonagall pretty distraught 

you were near tears as you practically begged her to just tell you what happened, you wanted the truth 

because all your life your aunt and uncle had told you that your parents had been killed in a car accident 

needless to say 

you didn't want harry to find out that way

but you also knew he was noticing the stares

the whispers

so you told him on the first night

he had already been put into gryffindor and was getting ready for bed when you are up to his dorm 

bECAUSE IT’S CANON THAT GIRLS CAN GO UP INTO THE BOYS DORMS AND BOYS CANT GO UP INTO THE GIRLS DORMS AND I WILL CITE THE PARAGRAPH IF ANYONE NEEDS

and you kinda push out ron, neville, and dean 

but yeah thats how he finds out all the details and such 

ok so you and harry are sUPER CLOSE

and you are very 

v e r y

protective of harry 

you'd do anything for the kid 

wHEN YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THE WHOLE SORCERER’S STONE FIASCO 

YOU ARE LIVID

because harry is your baby brother and you love him so much and don't like seeing him hurt 🥺

as harry grows older he gets a bit more

embarrassed 

about having you protective over him

and im pretty sure i mentioned this in the last headcanon post 

but yeah he’d be like 14 and you'd be 17 and he'd just

“stOP this is so emBARRASSING”

what a little dweeb

ok leTS TALK ABOUT SIRIUS 

BECAUSE YOU AND SIRIUS WERE CLOSE WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER

HE WAS UNCLE PADFOOT

YOU LOVED HIM

until your fifth year (harry’ third) when you were told he betrayed your parents and got them killed 

youre in the whomping willow when with harry, hermione, and ron 

its a lot for both of you

because sirius is seeing his goddaughter who looks just like james, and his the same fire in her eyes as his bestrfriend

his b r o t h e r 

and youre seeing the man who was responsible for your parents murder 

again 

it was A LOT

i have a feeling you, JAMES POTTERS DAUGHTER, would just lunge at him 

and youre crying

trying to hit him

hurt him like he hurt you

just anything to bring pain upon this man

and sirius is having flashbacks of when you had ran to him from next to james’ lifeless body 

and how different everything had been just days prior to October 31 1981

upon finding out the truth 

scammers is now wormtail

peter ‘little bitch ass’ pettigrew

you and harry are immediately forming this connection

this sort of dependency on sirius 

within a few minutes

because he is the only living connection you have to your dad 

apart from yourselves of course

but eh was the only reminder that james potter was a real man 

and lily potter did exist 

and there was a time where your family was complete 

it never crossed your mind that any more misfortune could strike 

not now 

not when you finally got back your uncle pads

and then you guys walk into the moonlight, the full moon light

everything flips instantly 

you guys are back to square one 

i like to think you have a very big part in getting sirius free 

so you guys know what happen in between prisoner of azkaban and order of the phoenix 

and this headcanon is already getting very long and we haven't even gotten to the wAR YET 

so we are doing a little time jump

order of the phoenix 

your last year

you are living with sirius in grimmauld place 

petunia and vernon kicked you out once you turned 17 after finding out that was the legal age in the wizarding world

you and sirius are close 

super close

i mean he is like a father figure to you

he is uncle pads again

oOO AND OK 

SO 

AFTER FINDING OUT HIS DAD AND HIS BROS 😤

WERE ALL UNREGISTERED ANIMAGI 

OBVIOUSLY YOU WANTED TO BE ONE TOO 

youre a gazelle 

it just makes sense

father figure sirius is not happy when he finds out

uncle pads, however, couldn't be happier

its finally starting to feel like a family again

you and harry have sirius 

aLSO REMUS

icon

anyway

everything is falling into place

you and harry are filling the james sized hole in Sirius’ heart (not completely but it’s better)

and he is doing the same for you two

you and harry love your uncle pads

then the battle in the department of mysteries happens 

youre there

you see it 

you watch as bellatrix hits sirius with a curse 

youre not sure which 

nothing too serious you hope, and seeing that he’s still standing he should be fine 

but then he stumbles

she's stunned him perhaps 

and he makes eye contact with you

there was a look so final, so sad

yet so relieved in his eyes as you watched him fall through the veil

remus grabbed harry

tonks held you

if she hadn’t been you knew you would've thrown yourself into the veil after him

its a whirlwind from then on let me tell you

so we know what happens

all that fun stuff 

the war hits

harry, hermione, and ron leave

youre left with the weasley’s 

it’s hard being away from harry

not knowing if he was ok

if he was even alive 

you guys finally reunite at shell cottage 

bill calls you the second he sees harry, hermione, ron, and dobby apparate in front of his house

you were quick to pull harry into a bone crushing hug 

keen on never letting go 

because after all he is still (and always will be) your baby brother 

you guys are all at the battle of hogwarts

oK WAIT

SO

YOU REFUSE TO LET HARRY WALK TO HIS DEATH ALONE

ALSO YOUVE FIGURED WHAT HE PLANS ON DOING BUT NEITHER OF YOU HAVE SAID ANYTHING

NOT WANTING TO ACCEPT THAT THIS COULD BE THE LAST TIME YOU GUYS SEE EACH OTHER 

AND THE RESURRECTION STONE COMES OUT 

BOTH YOU AND HARRY ARE HOLDING ONTO IT 

AND SUDDENLY

SIRIUS 

REMUS 

THERE ALL THERE 

EVEN A WOMAN WITH RED HAIR 

AND A MAN WHO LOOKS PAINFULLY FAMILIAR 

ok so hear me out 

i think harry enjoyed looking at pictures of james and lily

but you didnt

you didnt want to see everything that was taken from you

so you weren’t super aware of what your dad actually looked like seeing as you avoided pictures of him and your mom like the plague 

but you just knew 

and james was standing there

beaming

and he just looked so proud of you and harry 

so did lily 

she was the first one to say something 

“Your father and I are so proud of the both of you”

and you just broke down 

james right there with you 

he watched as you sobbed, choking on your cries 

and he couldn’t do anything about it 

he couldn’t hold you or comfort you

he couldn’t be a dad 

and it broke him

as much as it could break a dead man 

“you’ve grown so beautiful, darling” he'd smile sadly

his voice seemed to bring back all of your memories once lost 

“have you always been here, with us?”

“always.”

“typical, your father shows up and everyone forgets about uncle padfoot”

both you and harry laugh at that 

but the mood was somber 

harry then speaks up

“does it hurt?”

it was the first time either of you had confirmed that you both knew what was going to happen 

“dying? not at all, quicker than falling asleep.”

“will you stay with me?”

“until the very end. 

james is the one who answers, looking teary eyes at his son

and you know you cant go any further 

harry has to do this alone 

its quite symbolic actually 

the one time you'd let go of the reigns 

removed the protective arms you had around your baby brother 

he’d die 

but you had to do it 

so everything goes as planned 

harry dies

comes back

we love a resurrecting king 

and the war ends 

when you got back home from the war 

let’s say you are still living at grimmauld place seeing as it was left to you 

the first thing you do is go through old photos with harry 

any and everything you can get your hands on 

you see your mother’s sparkling green eyes

the same eyes your brother had 

and your father’s unruly mop of curls 

the same wave pattern in your dark hair 

everything finally felt right 

tags:

@pogueslandia

@vsawyer1989​

@lifeofkaze

@siriusement

@erinruby003

@maybesandohnos

@onlyfreds

@fullofsourgrapes

[wreckofawriter]

I Wish

Pairing: James Potter x Reader x Sirius Black

Word Count: 2,421

Warnings: Slight swearing, angsty

Request: hey 💌 my request seems kinda sad (but i'm into it). sooo i was listening to i wish by one direction and i had an idea!! could u pls write a james x reader based on that song? like reader is dating sirius and james is in love with reader? and sirius knows? heheh thank u, i love your work ✨💗🙏🏽

A/n: I'm not a big One Direction fan but this was fun to write. Enjoy!

He takes your hand, I die a little

I watch your eyes and I'm in riddles

Why can't you look at me like that?

James swallowed harshly watching you as neared them. He knew it wasn't supposed to be like this but here he was. The boy looked down at his hands ashamed.

“Hey guys!” you greeted with a smile that made his knees go weak and his breath leave his lungs. 

“Hey babe.” Sirius responded looking up at you from his position next to James on the couch. “Whats up?” 

“Nothing much.” You answered plopping in between the two boys making James jump a bit. “You okay James?” You asked turning towards him.

The boy coughed sputtering for breath, “Y-yeah.” he stuttered nervously pushing his glasses back up his nose. 

“You sure?” you placed your arm on his shoulder in concern and he went completely stiff.

“He's just upset his Lily flower is ignoring him again.” Sirius laughed rolling his eyes playfully. 

Sirius couldn't have been more wrong but James just put on a fake smile and nodded along.  

He slumped with relief when you removed your hand from his shoulder and turned back to Sirius. 

Playing with Sirius' hair you said, “She can't keep the charade up for ever I mean you James fuckng Potter for Merlin's sake.” 

The truth was James felt nothing the ‘James fucking Potter’ you mentioned. That James had died three months ago when he fell in love with you. He knew falling in love was supposed to be this wonderful thing, with fluffy bunnies, rainbows and cotton candy and he was sure that's what it was when he thought he was in love with Lily.  Unfortunately he had done no such thing and when you walked into the common room Sirius’ arm around your waist he had truly fallen. And falling was definitely the right word. 

It was as if someone had pushed him off his broom and he had plummeted to the ground below. Now he just lay there hurt and wounded attempting to pick himself back up as his heart crumbled to pieces.

Oh and of course every time he made the smallest bit of progress, his best friend would come over carrying you in his arms and kick him in the gut as you giggled and stared at Sirius like he with the king of England. 

And now here you were doing it again. Sirius was talking about the prank he had just constructed and you had your head laid on his shoulder hand interlaced with his. Your beautiful y/e/c eyes locked on his stormy grey ones. All the while James was wishing you were looking at him. 

When you walk by, I try to say it

But then I freeze, and never do it

My tongue gets tied, the words get trapped 

I hear the beat of my heart getting louder, whenever I'm near you

James nearly went into cardiac arrest when you walked into the slug club meeting. You were incredible. 

A lacy white dress hung snug to your chest before spreading out at your waist into a and hanging down your legs. Your hair was done up in a tight ponytail with silver sparkles sprinkeled in across your head.

James was sure if he watched you any longer he would forget about everything else in this world and sprint at you smashing his lips onto yours. So he turned his head to look at his best friend whose arm was linked to yours, the long haired boy had his eyes locked on you in a way that broke his heart, he looked at you the same way; with love. You just never looked back. 

You waved to a few of your friends before turning back to Sirius saying something to him before disappearing into the small crowd. 

Sirius made his way over to James giddy and smiley. 

“Guess what.” He smiled his eyes still in a haze from your angelic form. 

“What?"James drawled trying (and failing) to sound interested. 

“I told her I loved her.” 

James spat out the pumpkin juice he had taken a sip of, gaining everyone in a three foot radius attention, “You did what!?”  

“Yeah I know!” the other boy bounced excitedly on his heels mistaking his friends misery for astonishment and happiness of his own actions. “She said it back too, I can't believe it! She's actually in love with me!” Sirius was practically bursting with joy as he broke his best friends heart into a million pieces. 

“She's actually in love with you.” James whispered voice tearful and heart-broken as if he was realizing it for the first time. 

“You okay man?” Remus asked coming up behind the pale boy. 

“I think I feel a bit sick, i'm going to head back.” James  muttered blinking back tears as he set his glass down and headed for the door. 

“Oh okay.” Sirius said smile faltering for just a meer second.  

Just as James neared the exit he had his hand grabbed and twirled around to be faced with the elegant y/e/c eyes he dreamt about. 

“James, where are you going?” you asked a grin plastered on your soft pink lips. 

He felt his tongue swell as his eyes took in your beautiful figure, your were nothing short of a piece of magnificent art. “I-I don't feel very well.” He managed to punch past the lump growing in his throat as he looked a what could never be his. 

“Oh I'm sorry.” You said voice soft and laced with concern, “I'll talk to you later then, hope you feel better.” with that you turned to walk back to the party.

“Wait y/n!” James bit down on his tongue after he spoke wishing he hadn’t let those two words escape.

“Whats up James?” you asked turning back to face the breaking boy.

James felt the words he had been wanting to say building in his throat wanting desperately to escape. He swallowed again forcing those thoughts to stay just that; thoughts. 

He managed a lopsided grimace  before squeezing his eyes shut quickly and gasping out a sarrowfilled and broken, “Nothing.” before turning and walking quickly from the party before you could respond. 

But I see you

With him slow dancing

Tearing me apart 'cause you don't see

Whenever you kiss him, I'm breaking,

Oh how I wish that was me

    Over the next few weeks James learns slowly and, as always, painfully how to act normal around you. He would still feel himself breaking inside as Sirius pulled you into a kiss, but he kept it just there. Inside.  

    Now he stared at you pulling Sirius close to you and burying your head in his chest as you both swayed to the soft sound of the music he simply sighed downing his glass of fire whiskey in a quick gulp, hoping it would dull the pain. 

    It helped a bit but he dared not drink much more for fear of the false confidence he knew he would gain with a few more glasses, confidence that would take his friendship and rip it in two. 

He looks at you, the way that I would

Does all the things, I know that I could

If only time could just turn back

' Cause I got three little words that I've always been dying to tell you

    James looked down at the crowd below him and caught sight of you, feeling his heart soar before it dropped straight back into the ground. Sirius stood next to you holding a sign that read, "Kick some slithery ass!” in bright golden and red. This would have made him chuckle if the owner of the sign hadn't been staring at the girl of his dreams before leaning over and kissing her on the corner of her lips.

James could almost hear Sirius mutters a soft, “I just couldn't help it.” in your ear.

He couldn't blame him. He could barely help it himself. 

He wished you were the one holding the sign, and that after this game he would be

able to go to hogsmeade with you and kiss the corner of your lips his hand locked with yours.

He wished he was the one who got to whisper, “I just couldn't help it” in your ear.

But he wasn't, so instead he flew through away from the heart wrenching couple and looked for something he could have. The quaffle. 

But I see you

With him slow dancing

Tearing me apart 'cause you don't see

Whenever you kiss him, I'm breaking,

Oh how I wish that was me

    Fire Whiskey was James Potter's new best friend. It wouldn't steal the love of his life away from him. 

             James had been doing okay but all rationalty had gone out the window when you had attacked him in a hug after he won the game. You had smelt of roses and pomegranates. The scent drove him crazy. He had wanted to freeze time and hold you forever, running his hands through your y/h/c hair.

    When you pulled away not having you was so much more painful than before and he couldn't take the pain. So he numbed it. 

He had taken four shots the second he had joined the party in the Gryffindor common room. The broken heart was now holding a bottle and bringing it to his lips as you drunkenly pulled an equally drunk Sirius into a sloppy make out session. 

    Godric, what James wouldn't have given for it to be him whose tongue was exploring your mouth. 

    Twice that night he almost fucked up his entire life and both times he had managed to stay sane enough to walk away from you and sit his ass back into a chair. After a third bailed attempt to say three little words to you he finally he stumbled upstairs and passed out on the floor. 

With my hands on your waist, while we

dance in the moonlight

I wish it was me, that you'll call later on

cause you wanna say good night

Just like every other night, he dreamt of you. 

This time you were dancing in a garden, the moonlight making you appear even more angelic than normal. You hair seemed to glow as you reached for his hand, bare feet twirling around on dewy grass. You soft lips were spread in their glorious lopsided smile. You had loved him. You had held him and ran your hands through his hair. You had kissed him softly lips tasting of strawberry and fire whiskey. You had wanted him, needed him, chosen him. 

Then he woke to the sound of you leaving the room, hair in a messy bun, wearing Sirius t-shirt and boxers as you snuck from the room, bare foot, on hardwood floors. Because you had wanted him, needed him, chosen...him.

Cause I see you

With him slow dancing

Tearing me apart 'cause you don't see

    Sirius was not blind. He saw the way his best friend looked at you. He saw the jealousy the anger, he saw all of it. He had hoped James was simply jealous of what he and y/n had wishing it for Lily and himself, but he was wrong and he had always known that.

    “James.” He spoke when the two of them were in the library. They had been abandoned by Remus and Peter but were still in desperate need to study. 

    “Yeah?” James asked looking up sleepily from his half-finished transfiguration essay. 

    Siruis sighed deciding beating around the bush would only cause more pain, “I know your in love with y/n. ” 

    All of the previous tiredness that had found a home in James’ hazel orbs was now far from sight. The boy went pale, then red then pale again before he opened his mouth to speak, “I don’t kn-”

    “Don't lie to me James. I know you better than I do myself, i'm not blind, I see the way you stare at her, the way you talk to her, just the way you act around her, its obvious.” Sirius deadpanned, he wasn't messing around. 

    James looked down ashamed of himself. He could feel his tears pushing through their defenses as the by he considered a brother spoke.

    “James, I don't know how you fell for her, but I need you to move on." Sirius stared at the boy needing him to hear him, "I love her, she loves me and I know that this has been killing you, but I won't change how I feel about her because of you. I can’t. You guys and her are all I have, but I refuse to choose between the two. So you are going to have to swallow your feelings, bury them deep and keep your shit together. Not just for me but for her too.” 

    James looked up at Sirius’ stern face eyes glossy. “I will.” 

    Sirius squeezed his eyes shut in a silent prayer to keep his own tears down, he hated this conversation almost as much as James. “Thank you.” 

    James nodded and looked back down at his essay knowing he wasn't going to write anything meaningful for a long time. 

But I see you

With him slow dancing

Tearing me apart 'cause you don't see

Whenever you kiss him, I'm breaking,

Oh how I wish

Oh how I wish

Oh how I wish, that was me

    It became easier. The breaking became a dull throbbing pain, not great but better than the previous sharp stabbing he had felt before.

            He didn't watch you anymore. He trained his eyes to look for red hair not y/h/c. He focused on everything he hated about you (a microscopic list)  and everything he loved about Lily. He smiled more, dreamt less.

           He tried not to wish for you but he still felt that deep desire not wanting to leave. He knew that with time he could do it. He avoided you, he needed space as well. He pushed you away best he could and focused, focused on anything but you. 

           James he knew that finally he was beginning to pick himself off of the grass and find the pieces of his heart to put back together. But he knew that you had one of those pieces and he was sure he would never quite get it back. Because a part of him would always be yours. 

Oh how I wish, that was me

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