#reminding just to avoid any run ins.

[evilsorcerorofproendos]

your friendly reminder to not interact with Astro but to block (and report as soon as something bigoted is said) and move on, the less people Astro can interact with the better, (the blog is (@)theantiendoking if you didn't know)

if Astro can't interact with posts his entire blog gimmick falls flat on it's face

block, report, and move on.

[axeeglitter]

Thank you Aunty!

Kevin stood at the bottom of the stairs, his fingers nervously fidgeting with the edge of his hoodie. The faint hum of the video game console came from his brother’s room upstairs—his game console, the one he hadn’t seen in over a week. Tom, his older brother, had broken his own during one of his infamous rage fits and, as usual, had claimed Kevin’s without asking. Now, Kevin had to muster the courage to go into the lion’s den to retrieve what was rightfully his.

It had always been like this. Tom dominated the house, dominated everything—whether it was sports, academics, or the social scene, Tom excelled effortlessly while Kevin faded into the background. Kevin had learned to keep his head down, to avoid confrontation, and find solace in his small, private world of video games and fantasy. In the confines of his bedroom, Kevin could indulge in the quiet, inner life that made him feel safe. But that was hard to do without it.

Kevin was the exact opposite of his brother. He didn’t exhale cockiness or manly attitude. He was someone kind, a good friend, someone that everybody could rely on. He was good in classes and next year he’ll become the Teacher Assistant and own a small salary with it. Even if he didn’t have a lot of muscles or hair on his chest like his brother, he was someone pleasant to look at with sparkling eyes and a vivid smile. Yes, Kevin was a good person, but most of all, Kevin hated the attitude of his bully of a brother. He himself had been his brother’s target for long years before he was done and moved on to another target, a gay shy nerdy kid named Jared 3 years younger than himself that was into witchy and supernatural stuff.

Kevin hesitated, one foot on the first step. His heart pounded at the thought of what might happen if Tom caught him sneaking into his room. Maybe he'd yell. Maybe he'd mock him. Maybe he’d find some new way to make Kevin’s life miserable. Tom was a master at that—never outright cruel, but always managing to twist Kevin’s words, make him feel small, insignificant. There was nothing Kevin hated more than that feeling, that constant reminder that he was the lesser sibling.

But there was no way he could go another day without his controller. He clenched his fists and forced himself to move, taking each step with caution, his footsteps barely audible on the carpeted stairs. The faint sound of the game drifted from under Tom’s door, making Kevin’s stomach tighten.

When he reached the door, he paused, listening for any signs that Tom was in the room. Silence, aside from the repetitive hum of the game. Kevin bit his lip, heart racing as he quietly turned the knob and pushed the door open just a crack. Tom’s room was a mess—clothes strewn across the floor, half-empty energy drink cans stacked on his desk, the air thick with the smell of sweat and cologne. But Tom wasn’t in there. The game on the TV was paused, but the controller lay on the bed, completely unattended.

“Thank God”, Kevin breathed a sigh of relief and stepped inside, tiptoeing over to the bed where the controller lay. He grabbed it, feeling the familiar weight in his hands. This would only take a second. He’d be in and out, no confrontation, no awkward run-ins.

As he turned to leave, something caught his eye—a strange shimmer in the corner of the room, like a flicker of light reflecting off a surface that shouldn’t be there. Kevin froze, his fingers tightening around the controller. He wasn’t alone.

At first, he thought it might be Tom, playing some kind of prank. But as the shimmer grew brighter, Kevin’s heart skipped a beat. The light twisted and warped in the air, forming into the shape of a person—a woman, draped in a long, tattered cloak. Her face was obscured by shadows, but her eyes glowed with an unnatural light.

Kevin’s throat tightened. Who the hell was she? And how had she just appeared out of nowhere?

The woman stepped forward, her gaze fixed on him, and her lips curled into a sneer. “Tom,” she spat, her voice sharp and full of venom. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Kevin blinked, his mind scrambling to make sense of what was happening. “I—I’m not—”

The woman cut him off, raising her hand with a flick of her wrist. “Enough of your lies, boy.” Her voice was ice-cold, and Kevin felt a chill run down his spine. “You think you can bully my nephew, torment him day after day, and face no consequences? Well, not anymore.”

Panic surged through Kevin as a strange green light began to pulse from her hand, swirling around her fingers like smoke. “She thinks I’m Tom!” His heart raced, and he stumbled backward, nearly tripping over Tom’s bed in his haste to explain. “No, wait! I’m not Tom! You’ve got the wrong—”

The words barely left his mouth before the green light shot forward, curling around his body like a vine. Kevin gasped, his limbs locking in place as the magic constricted him, tightening around his chest and pulling him toward the woman. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. His fingers twitched uselessly around the controller as the light dragged him across the room.

“Please!” Kevin’s voice cracked with desperation. “I’m not him! You don’t understand!”

But the woman’s expression only darkened, her eyes empty of emotions and looking in the distance as she was too focused on her doings to hear what Kevin had to say. “You’re a coward, Tom. Always running, always hiding behind that smug arrogance. But today, you’ll pay for what you’ve done.”

Before Kevin could plead again, the green light flared brightly, enveloping him completely. The world around him shifted, twisting and warping in a blur of colors and shapes. Kevin’s stomach lurched as he was flung backward onto Tom’s bedroom walls, his body hurtling through space and crashing into the poster covered wall. Under his weight, Kevin started to feel a new sensation, it was like the wall was become softer. He tried to move his hands when he felt a weird slimy sensation on his fingers but couldn’t.

Kevin’s heart skipped a beat as he realized what was happening. He wasn’t just crashing into the poster—he was being pulled into one.

“No! No, stop!” Kevin’s voice echoed in the small room as his body was sucked into the glossy surface of the poster, his limbs flailing uselessly as he tried to hold on to anything, anything that could anchor him. But there was nothing. The room blurred and twisted until all that remained was the image of Kevin screaming face stuck on the poster, standing tall, unmovable. With a faint Thud, the controller fell back on the bed like nothing happened.

For a moment, everything was dark. Kevin’s body felt weightless, like he was floating in some kind of void. He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t even breathe. Panic gnawed at him, but it was muted by the disorienting stillness that surrounded him.

Then, the pain began.

It started slowly—just a dull ache in his arms and legs, like the feeling of a pulled muscle. But it didn’t stop there. The ache grew, spreading through his entire body, the pain sharpening as his muscles began to stretch and contort. Kevin wanted to scream, but his mouth wouldn’t open. He couldn’t even close his eyes to block out the horror of what was happening to him.

He looked down, his vision fuzzy and distorted, and what he saw sent a jolt of terror through him. His hands—they weren’t his hands anymore. The fingers were longer, thicker, and his palms had broadened, veins rising beneath the skin. His once-slender fingers swelled with muscle, the bones inside them shifting painfully as they transformed into something stronger, more powerful.

His arms followed suit, the muscles bulging beneath his skin, his biceps and forearms thickening and expanding, forcing his small frame into a body that was nothing like his own. His shoulders broadened, his chest ballooning out as his pecs swelled into two thick slabs of muscle. His ribcage expanded, forcing his torso into a shape that was foreign, alien.

Kevin’s skin burned as the transformation continued, his limbs contorting painfully as they grew larger, thicker. His thighs swelled with muscle, his calves bulging as his legs were reshaped into powerful pillars of strength. His clothes melted away, dissolving into nothingness, leaving his new body exposed. But the exposure was brief. In their place, something new began to form.

Black and blue leather straps snaked around his chest, tightening as they wrapped around his bulging pecs. The harness constricted, digging into his skin, the leather pulling taut across his now-muscular frame. Kevin wanted to tear it off, to scream, but his body wouldn’t respond. He was locked in place, trapped in this new form.

His jeans were next to go, dissolving into thin air as his thighs grew even larger. Kevin’s heart raced as the sensation of the cold darkness enveloped his bottom half. There, tilting down, his cock started to grow in length. Kevin started to feel all his nerve system going overstimulation as new connections were created. His balls were next as they started to grow and bulge larger and bigger. Kevin could feel all his cum moving around in his new upgraded nuts. In the room, the witch was still looking at the transformation going on, hearing all of Kevin’s mind complaints and loving what she was seeing. As Kevin felt pleasure coming from his newly upgraded dick, she flicked her wrist and snapped her hands. Suddenly, Kevin felt the sensation of the leather return, this time wrapping around his hips, forming a tight jockstrap that pressed snug against his skin. The straps bit into his waist, holding him in place, restricting his movements. Kevin felt his new semi hard dick constricted into this tick thick jockstrap, feeling his sensitive cockhead rubbing on it. But as his vision cleared out, he saw the witch looking at him in front of him. It was like looking into a window straight into his brother’s room. There he saw her, calm, happy. As he tried to beg for his freedom once more, he saw something that froze his blood. With one more snap and a smile from her, Kevin felt the pressure in the jockstrap disappear. It was like his hard on was gone. But as he was feeling better, that’s when he felt even worse. All of a sudden, his exposed ass felt penetrated and he was feeling like his cock was fucking something hot and wet. Kevin tried to scream understanding what it meant. He didn’t know how it was possible, but Kevin was fucking himself with his new improved sensitive cock into his new tight ass. With every movement, Kevin felt the orgasm coming closer and closer but never reaching it. With every movement, his dick was fucking his virgin prostate and sending him waves of euphoria. But Kevin’s face never shown any signs of this, he was standing there, immobile, frozen into a body that wasn’t his in a situation that shouldn’t be possible.

Kevin tried to please one more time but this time all he felt was a new wave of pain as the last remaining thing of his true identity started to change as well—his face.

Kevin could feel the bones in his jaw shifting, his cheekbones rising, his chin sharpening. His nose straightened, his lips grew fuller, and his eyes narrowed into a commanding gaze. His hair darkened, growing longer and falling into thick locks that framed his new face. His vision blurred as his eyes shifted position to better suit his new identity. His brows thickened and his shin grew a faint stubble that would stay like that permanently. Then, all around his body, he stated to feel tingling as hair started to grow. A faint happy trail leading to a hairy groin, hairy and musky pits that emitted a thick pungent scent all around him and slightly hairy legs that led to his new improved size 16 feet. The only thing remaining from his previous self were his eyes. Even a witch has her limit and the eyes are the mirror of the soul, and Kevin’s soul was now trapped in this new reality of his. The transformation was complete. He was no longer Kevin. He was the man from the poster.

A deep, primal panic surged through him. “I’m not Tom! I’m not Tom!” The thought screamed in his mind, but his body refused to move, refused to respond. He was frozen, locked in the same pose as the man from the poster, his muscular body rigid, his face a mask of dominance.

Kevin’s world was now flat, two-dimensional, a glossy image on a piece of paper. He could see, he could think, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t escape. He was trapped, a prisoner in the body of a fantasy.

The woman’s voice echoed through the void, her cruel laughter filling his mind. “Look at you now, Tom. Trapped in the perfect body, forever stuck on a wall where you can’t hurt anyone else. A fitting punishment for someone who took pleasure in causing pain. Enjoy eternity watching the one you enjoyed bullying!”

Kevin’s mind screamed in terror, but there was no one left to hear. With one last snap of her fingers, the poster with Kevin in it started to disintegrate into dust that flew out of the room by the window. On the other side of the city, in Jared’s bedroom, a poster appeared on his walls with a note on it “Found this at the store, thought you might like it, XOXO Aunty”.

Jared’s face illuminated as he turned around to see the new poster materialize on his wall with the note. “This one is perfect!” he told himself as he sat on his bed imagining what he would do with someone like in the picture as his hand slide down his pants. “Thank you Aunty!”. Jared would never know that his new favorite jerk off material had Kevin’s soul trapped in it forced to watch Jared jerk off to his picture day after day, night after night, looking the days goes by and the sleepless night pass. No, Jared would never know that Kevin was at the wrong place at the wrong time and he was now trapped in this new reality of his, or that Kevin was forced to fuck himself forever while trying to free himself from this hell. In Tom’s bedroom, the witch smiled as she heard a tingling in her left hear, meaning that the poster had arrived perfectly at his new home. She smiled as she flicked her wrist one more time smiling as she disappeared into green and dark hue, like nothing never happened.

______________________________________________________________

Hey eveyrone! Hope you'll like this new original story. Halloween is jsut around the corner so I thought why not start to play a bit with witches, curses and pretty much anything Halloween themed. As always, feel free to reach out to me if you want or send me me messages or DM with story ideas you'd like to see me write. I love reading your messages and I'll try to answer them all (as much as I can). Take care of yourselves and see you soon!

[nappingmoon]

suguru x reader - nsfw

wc: 3.6k

suguru coming to see you after he defected from jujutsu tech. 🎀

a/n: i actually forgot that jjk is highschool and not college before writing this so with the power bestowed upon me on tumblr dot com i declare that this is an au where everything is the same except suguru defects when he's like 22 and not 17 okay thank you stay blessed

you're on the porch of your little apartment-- a luxury in this market. between your fingers hangs a little cigarette, a bad habit that you picked up after one too many nights spent in shoko's presence. regardless, the headrush that each drag brings is a welcome feeling. you hadn't seen suguru since before he defected, and he hadn't deigned to reach out. in the weeks leading up to the incident -a detached term, as if calling it 'the massacre' would be too real of a reminder- you had spent nearly every night with him. you were often sent on separate missions during the day and on the occasion that you did see one another in public, not much more than a simple greeting or casual chat was exchanged between the two of you.

at night, however, he always found a way into your sheets. before the fateful mission, what you had was fun. it was sexy and sneaky and exciting and your heart always raced at the thought of what he was going to surprise you with that night. after the mission, the moments turned slower, needier, more intimate. suguru started talking less, instead craving your moans and becoming more insistent on ensuring your pleasure. he wouldn't let you touch him as much, and he grew increasingly frustrated when you would try to push his head away from between your thighs before he made you cum at least twice. his mannerisms became less cocky and assured and turned frantic and anxious, like an animal who just barely managed to escape a predator and still can't figure out if he's safe or not. you tried to work your way in to his brain, his heart, but he only opened up in vague sentences or deflected to a different topic. teetering the line between concerned questioning and prying was difficult and you could tell that if you overstepped, it was likely that he'd withdraw completely. when you heard the news, heard about the incident, your heart dropped, but you can't say you were completely surprised. there's just been radio silence then.

when you feel a presence approach from behind you, you don't jump. there's no need. you know who it is and you've been expecting him. in honest, it took him longer to seek you out than you thought it would. suguru's form comes into your field of vision, body obscuring most of your view of the right side of the street. neither of you speak as he plucks the cigarette from your fingers. pinched between his forefinger and thumb, suguru brings the butt to his lips. you watch as he inhales, the burning red end of the cig sparkling as it works its way up towards his fingers. his lungs expand and it is enough to finish what you had left. he tilts his head up as he releases the smoke, taking a peek at the sky. though the city lights dimmed much of the sky's vibrancy, a few scattered stars still burned bright enough to hold an audience. he's gorgeous.

the last of the smoke is still wisping out of his mouth when he finally speaks, his voice gravelly. "you've got to stop hanging out with shoko. this shit will kill you." you huff an amused exhale and lean your head onto your propped arm, watching as suguru rubs the end of the dying cigarette into your railing and dropping the ashed remnants into your little strawberry themed ashtray.

"a bit late to start worrying about things that could kill me, isn't it, suguru?" you raise your eyebrow and look him up and down. he's skinnier and the bags under his eyes are ever present, but he holds himself a little higher than he has in the past weeks. tormented, but assured of his decisions. he's dressed in casual clothes, likely to keep a low profile and avoid run ins with any sorcerers on his way to you. "I heard you had a run in with satoru the other day, how are you?" what the two of you had was special, sure, but you knew that no one came above satoru in his eyes. they were an inseparable pair, heads and tails, yin and yang. the split can't have been easy at all.

"I made a choice," suguru starts, eyes blankly roaming over your street. he still hasn't looked you in the eyes. "and he made his. that's all there is to it."

you hum, unconvinced but also not willing to put up a fight you clearly had no shot at winning. "and so now you've come to see little old me? are you gonna try to convince me to join the official suguru geto fanclub? become a loyal member and kneel at your feet until the day i die?"

finally turning to you, he scoffs and a small smile graces his lips at your antics. "while you on your knees is one of my favorite sights, I know you. your morals would never let you join me." he says, and the word 'morals' comes out like an insult. even still, at his first words your head fills with images of the past and you adjust your position on the railing, legs crossing lightly. the movement doesn't escape his notice.

"if you didn't come to convince me to join you, then what did you come for? i could turn ya in right now. should do it to if only for the fact that you left without telling me." you turn away from him, annoyance rising at the memory of sitting in your empty room, feeling so heavily the lack of his pretty face and cat-like form splayed on your bed asking questions about your skin care routine and teasing you for the trinkets you still have as remnants of the phases you went through at fifteen.

suguru doesn't answer and instead goes inside, the duck under the door frame a habitual motion. you follow him inside, sliding your glass door closed behind you. he makes his way through your apartment, touching little things as he goes. he adjusts the picture frame that holds the photo of you, the other second years, himself, satoru, and shoko. he avoids looking at haibara's smiling face and continues on into your room.

before following him, you grab him one of his favorite bottled teas from your fridge. you always kept a pack for him, and last week you found yourself unpacking them from your trip to the grocery store before you even realized what you had done.

when you enter your room, you see him sat on the edge of your bed. you come to stand between his spread legs, cold drink in your left hand while your right comes up to trace around his face. you play with the little bang that he always keeps out of his bun. "are slut strands just allowed in your cult or are they mandatory?" you tease.

"ha ha." suguru replies dryly. "give me some of the tea, please." you crack the cap open and extend the drink towards his hand, but instead of receiving it, he grabs your hips. thinking he's just being lazy, you bring the edge to his lips, ready to pour it in for him. his lips stay sealed and he shakes his head. confused, you still for a moment befor- oh. oh. as the realization dawns on your face, he grins and gently nods.

the bastard wants you to spit it in his mouth. it's something that started out a long time ago as a joke and stuck around, you doing it to one another every so often. but now? "you can drink it yourself, dickhead." you say, but he digs his fingers into your hips, and keeps his lips together, the refusal crystal clear. you know you shouldn't-- he is currently a criminal of the highest order. he's killed innocents and shed the blood of those you have risked your life to protect. he is a million times more dangerous than the cigarette he chided you for earlier. and yet. and yet and yet and yet. the pressure of his hands on your hips is so familiar and you have missed it so much. he has filled the space in your apartment that he left behind and just seeing him here once again is making your heart thump. logically, you should run as fast as you can. instead, you bring the rim to your lips, let the cool liquid fill your mouth, and lean over. suguru brings one hand up from your hip, dragging it up your body before coming to rest on your face. you lean into the touch that you missed so much and allow him to bring your face to his, to bring your lips together. you let the tea pass from your lips to his and a bit spills down his chin. even so, he does nothing to stop it, and you aren't even entirely sure he noticed at all because as soon as the tea is done trickling into his mouth, his tongue comes into your mouth to tangle with yours. the hand on your cheek reaches around your head to press you closer into him. he takes the bottle from your hand and reaches down to place it on the floor before standing.

suguru is intoxicating. that is the only way you can describe him. with just a few kisses he has complete power over you. as he leans over to continue making out with you, you tug at his shirt, eager to run your hands across his skin again. you've missed the feeling so much. smiling into your kiss, he reaches down to grab the end of the cloth and bring it over his head, only separating long enough to get the shirt off before returning to you. he reaches down to grab the backs of your thighs and you jump, straddling him as you take his bottom lip between your teeth. you nibble softly, teasingly as you open your eyes to look into his. his pupils are blown and you know yours must be the same. he turns to face the bed, bringing his knee up and working his way up until he can lay you on your pillows. suguru cradles your head as he sets you on the bed, finally separating from you to lean back and get a good look at you. your spit shines on his lips as moonlight filters in through the space where your curtains don't quite close.

your chest rises and falls with vigor, finally getting an adequate air supply, but you itch to be close to him once again. you grab your shirt and rid yourself of it quickly, absentmindedly noting that it was actually one of the shirts he left at your place a while ago. you wore them when you missed him. (not a night passed in a shirt that wasn't his.) his fingers reach for the waistband of your shorts, grabbing the edge of your panties with them and working them down your legs. though standing for 10 seconds and ridding himself of his pants would have been easier, suguru shares your desperation for closeness and bends at the waist, laving at the hollow of your neck while shimmying out of his pants. your hands tug at his hair and run over the muscles of his back not minding the rustle of his body over yours because the weight over you was one you missed so much. when he finally kicks his pants and boxers off, he stays stuck to your chest, leaving a trail of little kisses in his wake. he makes it to your nipple where he presses one sweet kiss to the tip before taking it in his mouth and sucking. he moans at the feeling of your soft flesh in his mouth. you are an exquisite being and he truly worships every fiber of your existence. during the time he spent apart from you, he thought of this moment over and over. he moves over to your other nipple, sucking in marks on the way, making sure you are left with lasting evidence of his love. you gasp at the sting of his bite, looking down at where he laps at a small bead of red from where his teeth broke skin. over his broad shoulders, you can see where he grinds his hips into the bed, mindlessly seeking release while he focuses on his current devotion. your tummy swirls as he makes his way down, leaving little nips and hickies scattered in a pattern not unlike what he saw earlier in the sky. when he finally reaches your mound and presses a first kiss to your clit, you reach down and grab his face.

when suguru looks you in the eyes from his position between your legs, you swear he is only half registering you. he seems almost dazed, eyes glossy and head yearning to drop back down into your heat to give you the head of your life. before he can swat away your hands, however, you speak up, voice thick with need. "feel s'empty sugu." you whine, "need you in me now. it's been so long."

"but baby, need'ta stretch you out. need to make you cum and get you all ready t' take me. neeeed to taste you" he says, still fighting the hands that keep him up.

"i don't need it sugu. m' so wet. i promise. i need you to fill me up, 've missed it so much." this gets him out of his daze, and he begins to crawl back up to you.

"you need me that bad? yeah?" he whispers, hovering over you.

"mmhmm"

"needy girl got all soaked from just having me here, huh? you just need to be fucked this instant? my poor baby. i've neglected you too much." he starts dragging his dick up and down your folds, collecting your slick to make sure that he'll slide in easy enough. your nails grip on to his back, trying to entice him to put it in already. "okay baby, don't worry. i'll give you what you need."

suguru places a kiss to your cheekbone as pushes in. you both inhale at the sensation taking a moment to adjust. he slowly continues lowering himself in, murmuring small praises into your ear as you take all of him in. the stretch brings a twinge of pain, and likely would have been absent all together had suguru been allowed to give you the foreplay he wanted but the sense of love and tranquility that filled you as soon as he was all the way in was the closest thing you could get to heaven on earth. there was nothing in your heart, mind, or soul but love for the man taking over your senses.

sex with suguru varied a lot. nights after bars and parties were filled with giggly sex and lots of foreplay. after high adrenaline missions he was rough and experimental. if a teammate was seriously hurt or there was a casualty, he tended to need to be more dominant, finding solace in being able to control every aspect of your pleasure, from denying you your orgasm all night or overstimulating you and getting you to your peak more times than you could count. sometimes he liked to use toys, to tie you up, to let you tie him up. tonight though, he was tentative. he knew what you wanted and you were clear that you needed him, but the now that he was so close to you, the small, ugly voice of insecurity and shame inside bubbled up. shame for shutting you out, for his sins, for leaving, the list goes on. and so he uses each thrust into you as an apology. he reaches for your hand, sliding his fingers between yours and pressing them into your mattress. his eyes were screwed shut because he wasn't sure that if he looked at your teary eyes he could keep his composure and he needed tonight to be about you, to make you feel good.

he's quieter than normal and you notice it. the turmoil is all too clear to you and you know that he needs you now more than ever. "s- suguru, baby, look at me. please."

he shakes his head in response and your heart quivers. he's still your suguru despite it all. "baby please. look at me. it's okay. i'm okay and you're okay and we are going to make it through this." you place kisses on his nose and cheeks as he eases the tension in his face, peeking at you. the second he gets a good look at you, sweat already starting to stick hair to your forehead and eyes so enamored they almost have hearts in them, he groans and his pace falters for a sec. "you're making me feel so good suguru, you know that? you're so good to me, handsome. i could never stop loving you." you praise. you'd continue, but he dips his mouth to yours, cutting you off. you arch your back, pebbled nipples grazing his chest and he groans into you unlacing your fingers and bringing his hand to pinch your nipples. your moans fill the room. his thrusts get faster and the little plaps of your hips when they meet turn into more forceful smacks.

your praise and the way you feel around him nearly fry suguru's brain. the voices in his head are loud, telling him he's undeserving of you and your love and he whispers his apologies into your skin. he's overwhelmed and he's tearing up but he keeps rolling his hips into yours as if the world would end if he stopped. you try to get his attention by calling his name or clawing a bit at his back but he's in deep. reaching down between you, you swipe at your folds with two fingers, gathering some of your wetness only to reach up and stick them into suguru's mouth. he can't apologize with your digits pressing down on his tongue and you take the moment to reinforce your love. "suguru, listen to me. I love you and you don't have to apologize. you did what you had to do and that's okay. I love you." you pepper kisses between your words, trying your best to get your message through to him. he finally looks you in the eyes again, your voice his saving grace. "hi, baby. you back yet?" you say.

suguru finishes sucking your fingers clean and pulls back. "yeah, thanks for getting me out of there. 'was spiraling a lil bit. sor-" you cut off his apology with fingers to his lips and a roll of your own hips.

"don't apologize. just be here with me." you push at one shoulder with your arms, and suguru understands, grabbing your hips and flipping you over. "'s this okay?" you ask, straddling his hips and beginning to ride him.

"so much better than okay, gorgeous. 's perfect." as you bounce up and down, suguru reaches up to play with your clit and you feel the nerves send shocks up your spine. he starts whispering things like "you are the best thing that has ever happened to me" and "you're so perfect, doll. all mine"

as you near your peak, your legs start to shake and burn. you whine at the at the decrease in friction that comes of your slowing hips and suguru takes this as his moment to pick things back up. with his hands lifting you, he gives himself enough space to prop himself up and get a strong base to thrust into you from below. with your sugu now taking the lead, everything is just more intense. you fold over, trying to kiss him but missing due to the sheer force with which suguru is moving your body. small 'ah's come from your mouth and you feel your toes curl as you are tipped over, a wave of pleasure washing over you. you tighten up and your muscles twitch as suguru continues thrusting, chasing after his release and following just behind you. he pulls your body to his, gripping you in a tight, tight hug as he spills into you. his legs give out from under him and you land together in a little heap of love, sweat, and limbs. his dick slips out of you and you already miss the sensation of being full, of being so close to him. for now though, you take the moment to catch your breath and to let your heart sync up with his. in a little, you two will get up and you will pee and brush your teeth side by side. when you come out, the bed will be clean and you will cuddle with your lover and be soothed into sleep by his slow breaths, grateful that you had at least this moment with him, sure that he'll disappear on you come sunrise.

in the morning, as the sun begins to warm your room, every logical thought is tell him to leave before you wake up. it will be easier to split without seeing your face, and talking in the morning will only create longer term attachment that has no place in the future he is building for himself and his girls. honestly, best case scenario would be you being so angry at him for leaving that you get over him all together. it is so simple!

so when he finds himself in your kitchen, making your eggs how you like them and pouring your cup of coffee in your favorite mug with just the right amount of milk in sugar, he's just as surprised as you are. and when you give him a kiss and sit in his lap and he sees the splotches of reds and purples that decorate your neck, paired with the little bit of drool from sleeping so well, he remembers why he didn't choose the easy route. where things will go from here is uncertain, but the outside world has no place in your apartment-- in his sanctuary. all that matters is your warmth in his arms and your lips on his.

[watchmegetobsessed]

okay so hear me out: yn’s dad owes a hell lot os money to harry’s dad, not like in a maffia way, but its a serious situation. harry’s father comes up with an offer: if yn marries harry, he will let go of the debt. ofc yn’s dad refuses to sell his daughter but she wants to help her family so she ends up convincing her dad to accept it.

now, harry is known to be this grumpy, closed off loner, he has his own house with lands that he takes care of himself, he is doing his own business but he is known to be distant and doesn’t want anything to do with people. thats the reason why his dad wants him to marry someone, so that he might come out of his shell and start acting “normal”.

there is no wedding, they sign the papers separately and yn moves into harry’s house but they are just two strangers living together. harry ignores her most of the time, even tells her to stay out of his space and she can do whatever she wants as long as she doesn’t bother him.

but ofc they can’t avoid each other entirely so they have awkward encounters and run ins here and there, they even talk sometimes and slowly, i mean veeeryy slowly they get used to each other. but yn still feels incredibly lonely and homesick and one night harry finds her crying in the kitchen and he realises how awful she must be feeling so he tries to make her feel more home: he plants her favourite flowers in the garden, he repaints the window frames in the sunroom where she likes to read to her favourite color, he even attempts to cook for her… and slowly, she realises he is not the grumpy, mad guy everyone fears in town but a wonderful man who has been going out of his way to make her happy and ofc she is falling for him, just as hard as he is falling for her.

that is until he finds the emails she has exchanged with a lawyer about a possible divorce without fearing consequences towards her dad. he gets mad and disappointed and so sad, bc he felt like he found the person he could open up to but he was reminded that yn was only there to help her dad, not for him.

bc he still loves her, he gives her a way out: she can go back to her old life, they are getting a divorce and her father will remain dept free. she is confused about the 180 he just took, he is cold all of a sudden and she doesn’t know why. she convinces herself that he doesn’t love her and that she has to move on so she takes the deal and moves back home.

they start the divorce process, it takes about a month and they both suffer that time without each other, she realises he is her home now and he believes he will never love anyone again. they have to sign the final papers and so harry tries to make it happen without them meeting but she shows up at his place and says “i will sign these papers if you say you don’t love me, but if there is the slightest chance you have any feelings for me then im ripping these to pieces and coming right back where i belong” and he goes “feelings? yn i love you like i never thought i could possibly love anyone, i was just a shadow all my life until you came into my life and brought light and love and i will never be the same man again, not after seeing a glimpse of what life could be with you”

so ofc no papers get signed, their dumb asses realise they both been in love with each other so she moves back and they never let go of each other.

wow this was a long rambling lol

[ekingston]

thanks for sharing your shape of soup tattoo design - i’m so in awe of your artistic talent and creativity, it’s -gorgeous-

thank YOU anon!! it’s been a fun distraction ❤️ and just to put it all in one place:

The space they walk into reminds Kara of her training room at the DEO’s old desert facility, only instead of kryptonite emitters and Alex’s mean right hook it has Rumi quotes lining the walls and a miniature zen garden.

“I’m so glad we’re doing this,” Lena says, ducking into a changing room toward the back and holding the door until Kara follows her inside. “I’m told we’ll feel amazing after. We— well. I — may be sore for a couple of days, but they say it’s worth every twinge.”

Kara is pretty sure Lena’s muscles will be suffering a lot less than Kara’s sanity when this morning’s tribulation is over with. She turns away with a polite touch of superspeed when Lena shrugs off her blazer and starts unbuttoning her shirt, only to come face to face with a poster depicting several medieval-looking torture techniques advertised as ‘Pilates Reformer exercises’.

“Oh my,” Lena mutters behind her, following Kara’s eyeline as she steps up close. Kara turns to her out of habit, and is faced with a mouthful of tank-topped Lena Luthor, pulling her hair into a bun. “Are we going to need a safeword for this?” she giggles nervously against Kara’s shoulder.

Even Kara’s solar-charged, superpowered heart isn’t strong enough to withstand the triple threat posed by Lena’s choice of words combined with the row of diamond piercings dotting the pink shell of her ear, and—at last—the near-religious revelation of the new tattoo inked onto her wrist.

Kara has given a, you know, friendly amount of thought to the design Lena might have chosen since she first spotted the bandage.

And yet reality continues to surprise.

“Your cello,” Kara husks, forgetting for a moment that Kara Danvers has no idea that Lena plays. Lena’s eyes are wide behind her glasses, confused. “Your tattoo,” Kara explains, struggling against the impulse to take Lena’s hand so she can get a closer look.

Lena lowers her arm and holds it out in front of her, welcoming Kara’s scrutiny. “Right,” she says. “Well. That, and a few other things.”

With Lena’s permission granted, Kara can’t stop herself from reaching out any longer. She brushes a gentle thumb along the edge of the achingly delicate geometric design that runs up the length of Lena’s forearm. The contrast of the black ink against her ghostly-pale skin is breathtaking. “This is a polar graph of Riemann’s Zeta function,” Kara recognizes, her voice lilting up with wonder. The tattoo hasn’t quite healed completely, small black clumps pressing up here and there under the pad of Kara’s thumb, but the healed lines are perfect, sharp and striking.

“It depicts one of the most important unsolved problems in pure mathematics.” Lena lets out an audible breath. “Kara,” she says, her brow now furrowed in what looks like an almost pained expression. “Why would you possibly know that?”

Kara stubbornly avoids Lena’s eyes along with her loaded question. “What’s the botanical part, over here?” she asks instead, her fingertips twitching against the tender underbelly of Lena’s wrist.

Lena shivers at the light touch. “Arnica Montana,” Lena breathes. “For healing from trauma.” Her throat clicks when she swallows. They’re standing so close now that Kara probably would have heard it even if she wasn’t an alien.

“Let’s not do this,” Kara blurts.

Lena recoils in alarm. “What?”

“Let’s do something else,” Kara decides, whirling her body back around to face the wall when she’s reminded of Lena’s state of undress. She’s one hundred percent sure she'll die if Lena takes off even one more item of clothing. “This whole thing looks, like, super painful,” she improvises, her eyes fixed on the poster depicting human bodies being stretched and contorted in ways decency prevents her from describing. “Why don’t we have breakfast at the Museum of Natural History instead?” she suggests, wincing when her intended tone tips from bright enthusiasm into outright mania. “We can check out their biodiversity exhibit after. Did you hear they added a section on exobiology?”

The Shape of Soup on ao3

[sunboki]

always, i’ll care. — c. bahng

Christopher Bahng x gn. reader

◌ word count — 0.575k

◌ warnings — depressive themes, sadness

in your world with chris, time has become nothing of concern. not this moment and not the next, because regardless, if you’re beside each other or across the world you know you’re always thinking of eachother. meaning no worry of rushing things, no worry of wasting time.

except on certain occasions, time becomes of the essence, and responsibility knocks a little more on your door aggressive than usual.

today however, there’s become a stir in the air. a twinge or sadness where you kind of just vanished off the face of the earth. it was nice that way, to ignore everything. and as much as you adored chris, you wanted nothing else than to stay in bed and sleep away the disgusting feeling pitting in your stomach.

your boyfriend hadn’t said a word. he knows you, knows your ins and outs and all of the inbetween. knows how you were currently sleeping at your moms house because it made you feel safe sleeping in your childhood room. in fact, he hadn’t said a word for a long time, aware that this was your recovery and his interference would do nothing but keep you bed-ridden for longer.

and today however, chris decided to step in. four days without your appearance was enough, and sparsely hearing small “i love you”s over voice message wasn’t cutting it.

“hi my love..” a gentle whisper when he enters the room, carefully stepping over clothes and canisters all in disarray across every surface that hid any sliver of the floor beneath.

there’s a not-so-graceful groan heard from where your muddled pile of day old attire and blankets lay curled up, calling out to him despite your throat being beyond exhausted.

you’re grateful. when things become too hard to manage and you run away, chris doesn’t judge you or call you lazy. he knows that’s how you cope, how you deal with the feelings that don’t make sense right now. you’re grateful he’s there.

“are we thriving up in here pretty?” he lightly smiles, not needing a reply while crawling up onto the messy bed and hugging you warm in his arms.

you want to cry.

and you do. you cry hard and ugly, until your stomach hurts and you feel like vomiting. chris wipes the crocodile tears, of course he does, like he’s always done — reminding you of how well you’re taking this, and how if you want to, you can make your favorite blueberry pancakes in the kitchen with him. to his surprise you accept, and he kindly helps you to your feet, limbs tingling and numb.

you’re sniffling still, hand encased in his larger one while you stand on his feet to avoid the cold tile. he does the work for you, and your grateful again. burying his head into your neck, he mumbles the sweetest sounds that send you close to tears for a second time.

“i’m so proud of you love, don’t forget that. i’m gonna always be here when you feel sad, and then we can make these pancakes together.”

it’s easy to relax into him, wondering how you’d gotten so lucky to be alive beside chris, beside your soulmate — especially when he takes the time to feed you delicious dishes and help you brush your matted hair.

this is your first step back to a normal way of life after the fallout, and you wouldn’t want anyone else to be accompanying you through the process.

all rights reserved by @sunboki. repost and plagiarism will not be tolerated.

[peerlessscowl]

Another year passes. Raven doesn't seem any older, any closer to the man Chad had come to know further down the line, further in a future Raven has yet to see. It galls them, too, that they had forgotten his face enough to not recognise him sooner—To stay away in the first place, that they had forgotten at all, to make sure their own tragedies remain far-off and intangible. To spare them both.

But here they are with rapport that is not what they'd known before, but isn't so far from that familiar feeling of safety, of comfort. Company they genuinely enjoy is hard to come by. It's something a greedy heart won't easily let go of.

Because before any of that, he'd gotten to know Raven as Raymond. Even if it was some kind of facade, same as before, it doesn't matter—It's easier to tell what's thorns and what's leaves when it's one bramble-bush to another, and Chad's run his fingers along enough leaf-veins to know that his kindnesses were always real.

And he's kind of a shit actor, if he was trying at all in the first place. Not that they'd tell him that.

Raven isn't a student anymore, his dorm is gone from the register, another name written down in his stead. That hardly matters, either. Chad finds him anyways, or at least where he's staying; A utilitarian room, similar to the state Chad had tried to clean theirs up to when Al became their temporary roommate, which they'd summarily given up on when he arrived earlier than expected— Is Raven the same? Does he have all his little keepsakes stashed in a drawer, or in a bag thrown under the bed, or doesn't he? Did he keep the last box? Was it too cumbersome for a drifter like him?

Idle hopes tuck in fears. Bottom line is, if they made a mistake, they just have to fix it... If this can be called fixing it. Like before, they slip in silently, minding the trip wire, not letting their eyes wander, keeping their hands to themself. Again, they place their gift on the desk. Again, it is butter and salt and brown sugar, that perfect gold-brown, still warm, almost soft.

This time, instead of a wooden box, a simple kerchief to keep tidy. Tied to the neck of the bundle, a traveller's charm of feather and beads, teal and red. This time, they linger on the windowsill, just out of sight of the door, just for a little while, just in case—

(But like before, when the choked-out grief begins to grasp their chest too tight, they open the window and leave that way.)

It wasn't difficult to set a trap, if you knew the sort of quarry you were pursuing.

Raven had learned these lessons young - that knowing the ins-and-outs of a hunt would do a man no good if the techniques didn't suit the prey - and carried them with him, close to his heart, and, whether he liked it or not, put these skills to good use in all areas of his life, no matter how mundane.

He knew how to set a trip wire.

And he knew where to set one to guide a smarter prey into the direction he wanted them to go.

They had developed this habit, he couldn't say how - more that wanting to admit the things that he knew to be truth was still just outside of his reach - of avoiding one another when they wanted to see each other most. The boy had caught on just as quick, had played into it, seemed to be cut of a similar cloth to himself, but with less of the painful intention of it.

Which was neither here nor there most days, but, quite in spite of himself, Raven had been reminded that it was his birthday.

As though on cue, the creak of a window above him caused him to tilt his head upwards from where he leant against the stone wall of the alley just outside of his room.

He knew how to wait, as well. That was just as valuable a skill to have.

None could have dared accuse him of being impatient.

Pushing himself off the wall, he moved to stand in the boy's way, blocking the exit to the alley, cocking his head, eyes narrowed in soft consideration.

A beat, a long, heavy pause of things that might have been said, if either of them were a different person.

"Come on then," he said, finally, with a jerk of his head to the backdoor to the alley - leading into the inn's kitchen, where he had left on a pot of tea, and some milk.

For the cookies.

[dreamerfms]

[ … ] ❀ you’re not from around here , are you? i figured because you totally just missed { cassius alder } walking by. don’t tell me you don’t know who { he/himm } is ? they kind of look like { dylan o'brien } and i could be wrong but i think that they might be { thirty-three } years old right now. they’ve been living in palmview for the last { six months }. and i don’t know if anyone has ever told them this before but they kind of remind me of { patrick verona } from { 10 things i hate about you }. if you stick around the town long enough you might catch them in action working at { - } as a { construction worker }. you see this town isn’t really that big of a place, some folks like to call them the { broken compass } of palmview! they took a liking to the name too after a while, go figure. oh crap, they must have heard me yapping. they’re coming this way. i got to warn you though, rumor has it they can pretty { reactive } at times. i wouldn’t take it too seriously though, from the times i’ve spoken to them they seemed pretty { protective } to me. we see each other all the time since they live in that { 2 } apartment beside me over in { mango bay }. i better leave you to it.

full name : cassius alder birthplace : chicago, illinois date of birth : november 15th, 1991 parentage : lennox alder, catriona young sibling(s) : micah alder ( younger, half sister, same mother ) occupation : construction worker relationship status : single gender identity : cis male ( he/him ) sexual orientation : pansexual faceclaim : dylan o'brien

BACKGROUND

TRIGGER WARNINGS : ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUGS AND SUICIDE, please avoid reading if this triggers you in anyway <3

cassius grew up in the gritty neighborhoods of southside chicago, where survival was a daily struggle. his parents never married, and by the time he was old enough to remember, they’d already split. he had one sister, three years younger, and despite the chaos surrounding them, cassius managed to stay out of trouble— at least for a while. he lived with his mother until he was fifteen, but when she moved in with a new boyfriend, everything changed. cassius never got along with the guy, and the feeling was mutual. up until that point, cassius had been a good kid— smart, driven, with a future that seemed promising. but when he moved in with his father, things took a turn. his father, a well-known drug dealer with a violent reputation, quickly pulled cassius into his world. what started as running errands for his father — driving him to collect debts — soon escalated. cassius found himself selling weed, cocaine, and sometimes harder drugs. the money was fast, but so were the consequences. his grades dropped, and with it, any hope for a future outside of the streets. what had once seemed like a promising path now felt more like a trap. a few weeks before his high school graduation, cassius discovered bruises on his younger sister. it didn’t take long to realize her stepfather was the cause. filled with rage, cassius confronted the man. the situation ended with him arrested for aggravated battery, and he was sentenced to three years in prison. this was just the first of many run-ins with the law. this stint in prison would prove difficult for cassius. whilst he kept mainly to himself, his fathers name brought as much unwanted attention as it did useful connections. during this stint, his cellmate would also take his own life. cassius would be the one to find him. the image and feeling like he could have done more has haunted him terribly ever since. after prison, cassius had little to rely on. no diploma, no skills, and nothing but his father’s business to fall back on. he went back to the game, this time handling bigger operations. but at 25, he was arrested again, this time for possession of a class a drug— something he’d been holding for his father. his time in prison gave him a chance to reflect. he used it to build skills, learn a trade and plan for a way out. after his release, he got a job in construction, but took on side gigs as a getaway driver to make extra cash. eventually, he realized he didn’t want to be part of that life anymore, because it had never been his choice in the first place. at thirty-two, cassius thought he was done with the past. but life had other plans. he got caught up in a bar fight, blamed for it because of his criminal record, and landed back in jail for a couple of months. this was the final straw. he was determined to change, to get out for good. now, approaching his thirty-fourth birthday, cassius has relocated to palmview, florida, to live with his cousin and make a fresh start. palmview isn’t unfamiliar to him— he had spent several summers there as a kid, visiting family to escape the chaos of home. it was a peaceful place, far from the streets he’d known. now, it feels like the opportunity he’s been waiting for. a place that offers a chance to rebuild, but cassius knows that the shadows of his past will follow him no matter where he goes. still, he’s determined to leave that life behind. for the first time in years, he has hope that this time, he can make it work.

headcannons

during his stints in prison he developed a love of reading, and discovered he's rather talented artistic-wise, often finds himself sketching to pass time and quieten his mind.

cassius is an extremely skilled driver.

despite the trouble being his fathers son has caused him, the two are still extremely close. cassius loves his dad, but knows for his own sake distance is necessary. being around the other makes it too easy to slip back into old habits.

cassius doesn't speak to his mother at all, but he hopes one day she'll see sense and leave her boyfriend. his door is always open to her.

it takes a lot for him to be loyal to someone, but once he is nothing will break it. if he has your back, he'll have it forever.

wanted connections

his sister — I’ll eventually get around to putting this as a wc on the main. but this is by far the most important relationship in his life, and her thriving makes everything he's gone through worth it to him. his cousin — they're his best friend, the one person that really knows him. bonded since childhood, they're the main reason he visited palmview for so many summers in a row. reoccurring fling — so far there is nothing more to it than two people looking for temporary distraction. due to some of the things he's seen in prison, cassius can often suffer from night terrors, this person could potentially be aware of this.past summer fling — a summer romance that lasted the span of his summertime visits, this person would have had to have been in palmview for at least twenty years and be of a similar age to him. ex — we'd have to figure out the when and how, as it would not have been in palmview, but i would love someone who loved him even when he was going down a wrong path, and who he genuinely tried to be better for even though he wasn't capable of following through at the time.

anything and everything <3

c

[tonberry-yoda]

One More Time - Sanji (pt. 2) f!reader

notes - Here it is! I wrote the first part to this fic almost a year ago, but it has been brought to my attention that this needed a part two lol. The first part kinda sucks, but the story was great, so I was more than happy to bring a part 2! I hope everyone enjoys and has a super day!! <333 word count - 1,458 tags - @sleepyhead0720 <3

You blew a piece of your hair out of your face and took a deep breath. You really hoped that lovesick cook wasn't going to say anything to the rest of his crew because if so, you would be screwed.

Sure, he was cute as hell, but there was no way that you were going to be distracted by that of all things when you had a mission to do.

You were simply there to steal some gold and be on your way. You knew there was no way that you were going to get any of their bounties since you knew all about the strawhats and their run-ins with all sorts of giant names around the grand line, so you stuck with money.

In and out.

That's all you needed to do.

You took a deep breath and went to check around on the boat. It kind of sucked that you got on the boat when they were planning to leave, but if you snatched the gold and hid for a little while, maybe you had the chance of getting off at the next island.

You only wished that you could turn invisible.

But at least you were trained to stay quiet when you were young, growing up on an island with thousands of thieves and pirates. You stole from everyone, no matter what, and you were really good at it.

You stuck your head out from what looked like a trapped door as you crawled under the boat to find your way around. If this was going to be home for the next couple of hours, you had to know every nook and cranny as well as know how to avoid anything that could get you caught.

From the trap door, you saw the strawhats mingling at eating food. That cook from earlier was serving everyone their food and the captain was really putting it away.

They all looked so happy.

It reminded you of-

You quickly shook the thought from your brain and took a deep breath.

The mission, dummy. you reminded yourself.

Since they were all busy on the main deck, you thought you'd search around from the back of the boat and try to find the treasure room.

You were always pretty good at searching around in places like these, so it didn't take you long. But you cursed under your breath when you saw an industrial lock on the door.

The key had to be somewhere, right?

You couldn't just pick the damn thing.

"Ahem."

You nearly jumped out of your skin when you heard someone behind you.

GOD if only you could turn invisible.

But instead, you turned around slowly to find the red haired girl from earlier.

You chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of your neck.

"Can I help you?" she asked, pulling out a blue rod looking weapon.

"Just browsing." you smiled and threw a smoke bomb on the ground, darting off.

Jesus Christ, now you were really screwed. You managed to get yourself back under the boat in some storage room, but already heard some commotion from the crew up top. You knew she was going to tell them, but so soon?

You groaned softly and buried your face in your hands. What the hell were you going to do now? A whole team of beasts was after you. What would happen if someone found you? You would be dead, probably.

You wanted to avoid everyone if possible, but you knew that was going to prove difficult as it sounded like they were splitting up all over the boat. There were too many of them for you to go wandering around, so your best bet was in that storage room.

Or so you thought.

When you heard the trap door open on the ceiling, you tried to hide yourself behind a couple of boxes and you held your breath.

This was the most intense game of hide and seek you've ever played.

You squeezed your eyes shut, praying that you wouldn't be found and you thought you were right when you heard the door shut.

You let out a long breath and almost screamed when you saw a figure in front of you.

You saw a match light and start up a cigarette. Who you recognized to be the cook leaned down to you, holding the lit match near your face.

"So you got on our boat, huh?"

You blushed. "I guess so."

He hummed in response and stood up to turn on the light. When he did, he squinted a bit before blinking and kneeling back down to you.

"So you did want our money." he said.

"Something like that." you rested your back against a box and hugged your knees.

"Ah.... so that was a-"

"Distraction. Sorry."

He just nodded and looked up at the dim light. "That was my first kiss." he said softly.

"Sorry." Was all you could say.

"It was nice." he whispered.

Your face went hot. God, why was he so pretty?

"I'm in big trouble aren't I." you said, trying to change the subject.

"I dunno. I could just tell 'em you jumped off and we'll drop you off at the next island."

"You would do that?"

He shrugged and smiled, taking a drag of his cigarette. "Let's just say I have a soft spot for girls."

You laughed and took his cigarette out of his hand, smoking a big of it yourself. "Well, that's very kind of you."

You handed him back his cigarette and the two of you sat smoking for a while together in silence.

You jumped slightly when you heard the trap door open. "Sanji, did you find her?" It sounded like the captain.

"Nah, she's not down here. I think she jumped off." Sanji shouted. "I'm just getting stuff for dinner ready."

"Yummy!!!" The captain ran off and slammed the door and you looked at Sanji with bright eyes.

"You really didn't have to do that. I've been through worse, believe me."

"It's nothing, really. Plus, it would just be easier to let you go and made sure you didn't steal anything, right?"

You just nodded and he stood up.

"Well," he said. "I'm gonna go make some dinner for everyone. Want some?"

"You dont-"

"You look hungry. I'll be down with dinner soon."

You never really kept friends. You lived in a world full of cheats and liars, so you were expected to be one as well. Sure, you did the job you knew best, but more than anything, you just wanted people to call yours. People you connected with. The only time you got that connection was when you were a child, and that was far too long to remember in full detail.

That conversation with the cook. You hadn't done something like that in years.

You heard the door open again and he came down with a plate.

"You're name's Sanji, right?" you asked as he handed you a plate.

"It is. What's yours?"

"y/n."

Sanji sat next to you and began to eat his own food, occasionally glancing at you.

"You're a great cook." you told him when you finished your food.

"Thanks." he smiled. "You're a crappy theif."

You didn't want to break out into loud laughter in case anyone heard you, but if you could've you would. So instead, you just giggled a bit.

"You have a pretty smile." he said quietly.

"I'll break your heart." You kept your eyes on the floor, trying not to tear up.

"I don't care."

You looked up at him with shock in your eyes and he looked away with a bright red face.

"S-Sorry." he muttered.

"Don't apologize."

"Uh," he cleared his throat. "Nami says we won't be on the island until tomorrow afternoon. Can you wait that long?"

"I don't mind waiting."

"Good... I'll bring you some blankets."

"Sanji, you don't-"

"It's no big deal."

"Yes it is!" You stood up and Sanji turned around with pink cheeks. "No one's ever done anything like this for me."

He was at a loss for words. Not once in your entire life had anyone done this for you? That shocked him.

You walked up to him and threw your arms around him, trying to hold back your tears, which seemed nearly impossible when he hugged you back.

"I really need to get off of this boat." you chuckled.

"Why?" he asked, cupping your cheek.

"Before I make a mistake."

You pressed your lips to his and held his shoulders. He cupped your face so softly, that you thought you were going to melt.

You didn't know him very well, but you knew that you were going to be very upset tomorrow afternoon.

~~~~~

one piece masterlist | pinned post

2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

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[asirensrage]

there's a heaven above you (don't you cry) - Part 14

Rating: M Pairing: Lost Boys/OC Fandom: The Lost Boys Warnings: violence, arson, swearing, breaking and entering, sex…

Summary: The thing no one ever tells you about time travel is that you don’t have any control over where you end up or when you leave. It just happens. It also hurts like a bitch. Notes: This will be a poly pairing, so if you’re not into that, don’t read. It’s not beta-read so I hope you’ll forgive me but enjoy!

previous/masterlist also on ao3 and ffn

Chapter 14: Don't Get Mad, Get Even

Now that she had forgiven the vampires, Darcy had a feeling she was never going to get rid of them. It was bad enough when she first met the men. Now that she was actually letting them in, she was pretty sure she might have to spray them with a hose filled with holy water to keep them away. 

“What happened to you?” 

She looked up to see Clark walking into the store. “What do you mean?” 

His face scrunched up like he didn’t want to answer. “Nevermind. I don’t want to know.”

Darcy grinned. “You sure?”

“Very. I just came by to warn you that those surf assholes are looking for you.” 

Darcy sat up straight. “Me?”

“Yeah. They’re saying you're the reason their place burned down. You and one of those bikers.” 

She didn’t stop the smile that grew at the reminder of the night before. The encouragement of her violence was so deeply pleasing to her that she could barely put it into words. She had always been told she was the problem, something to use and to fix. It was never like that with these men. “Oh…well, that’s because we did.” 

Clark’s eyes went wide. “You did?” 

Darcy leaned against the counter, resting her arms on it. “Wouldn’t that be a story? Imagine if we just Molotov cocktailed the place, once we made sure it was empty, of course. But that would be crazy…after all, we’re pretty distinctive, aren’t we?” She probably should have felt bad for what she was doing, but Darcy had enough run-ins with the police to know that if there was no actual proof, they couldn’t pin anything on. Witness testimony from other punks didn’t hold up, especially if no one could say she actually confessed to them. 

He frowned slightly, unsure if she was telling the truth or not. “So…did you?”

Darcy tilted her head, watching him. “Do you think I would?”

“I think they would.” She knew exactly who he was referring to. 

“Probably,” she agreed. They were going to have to do something about that though if the surf assholes were looking for her. She wasn’t worried about them going after the boys. The whole vampire thing worked in their favour. Darcy just wanted to make sure any retaliation against her wasn’t going to impact Sampson, Clark, or the innocent people at the motel she lived at. 

Clark left without a word now that his warning was given. Not unusual. Darcy settled back in her chair and started planning. 

The boys were waiting for her as soon as the sun set. Of course they were. Darcy made a note to talk with them about the concept of boundaries and what hers were. This time though it saved her a trip from trying to find them, especially since they preferred to hang around the boardwalk and she preferred to avoid it. 

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” she asked as soon as she was close enough. 

“Then wait for you? Nah, girl.” 

David held out a hand for her, inviting her to his bike. She was tempted to choose someone else just because but she decided to throw him a bone. She let him guide her behind him. The engine under her was warm and she wrapped her arms around David’s waist before he took off without warning. 

The good thing about riding with David was that despite his mullet, he had less hair than the others, allowing her to easily see what they passed. Pedestrians dove out of the way as they crossed the boardwalk. They drove through the sand, laughing as they sprayed some of the people hanging around bonfires. 

Darcy recognized the cliffs that made up the entrance to their lair. Paul swept her up off of David’s bike into a hug, before she dug her fingers into his ribs. She had no clue if it hurt but it was enough that he squirmed before Marko yanked Paul into a headlock and he was forced to let her go. Dwayne was at her side, offering to help her down. She stood at the top of the rickety metal stairs before she turned. “You’re going to have to carry me. I���m not walking down this.”

She heard someone laugh but Dwayne was dutiful in the way that he carefully picked her up and held her firmly against him. She closed her eyes but it only took seconds before she could feel that they were in the cave. Dwayne set her down gently. 

“Thanks,” she told him. 

“Don’t have to thank me, rosy-girl,” his fingers brushed her cheek. She was suddenly reminded of that night in the cave when he brought her funnel cake to celebrate karma hitting that animal abuser hard. 

“We told you,” David’s arm wrapped around Darcy’s waist, drawing her away from Dwayne. “We’ll take care of you, Darcy.” He dropped down on a chair, pulling Darcy with him. 

“Yeah? What does that entail?”

“Whatever you want, babe!” Paul called out as he made his entrance. Marko followed behind. The two of them playfully shoved each other. 

She focused on the way David’s arm wrapped around her waist, holding her against him. He pressed his face into her hair, grip tightening slightly. “Are you hungry?” 

“A bit,” she admitted.

“Marko! Go get some food.” 

“Darce! Anything you want?”

“I’m not picky,” she called out, leaning back into David. Marko grinned before disappearing. 

David’s hand slipped under her shirt, softly stroking her stomach as he kissed her neck. It was strange to feel so comforted by the action considering what he was. She can’t stop the flinch though as his thumb presses against the surgical scar on her left side. He paused. His thumb stroked the scar again and Darcy forced herself not to react to it. 

“What happened?” His voice was low, laced with a threat that she knew wasn’t aimed at her. 

“It’s from a surgery,” she answered, trying to keep her voice steady. It’s not enough as the others seem to hear. She found herself quickly surrounded. 

“Surgery?” Paul asked. “What happened? Wrong side of a knife after you swung a bat at them?” it was playful, but the same threat was in his voice that was in David’s. “

She smiled at the promise in them. It was an odd thing to know that there were people who were prepared to fight for her, especially considering why she had that scar in the first place. “No, I had to donate part of my liver.” 

There was a moment of silence that suddenly felt suffocating. 

David’s grip tightened. “Had to?” 

“Yeah,” she said. “My sister needed it.”

The men look at each other, a silent communication she wasn’t a part of. She tried not to let it grate. 

“You offered?” Paul asked, his voice uncharacteristically quiet. 

Her throat tightened, a familiar lump growing in response to the question. There was never a chance to offer. She simply had to. She can practically hear her family telling her that she should consider herself lucky, that she should be grateful she can help, that she is so selfish!

“Darce?” A hand tilted her face up, back towards David who was staring at her with a slight frown. He seemed to read something in her expression because the next thing she knew, he moved his hand off of her stomach and was pulling off his glove with his teeth. Her eyes were drawn to the scars that littered it, the reminder of her conversation with him. Fucking fathers. 

“My sister has been sick my whole life. I had to give her whatever she needed: marrow, plasma, liver…whether or not I wanted to. That was the only reason they’d had me after all. They told me themselves. Everything had been perfect before me. By the time I was old enough to say no, they guilted me into it again and again, carving more of me away until I’d had enough. They turned everyone we knew against me for being selfish, for not wanting to help my own flesh and blood. I refused to be anything they could use ever again.” 

Someone was growling.

It took her a moment to realize it was all of them. 

“Never again,” David said, voice lower and rougher than usual. “No one’s ever going to force you again.” 

Darcy smiled and leaned forward to kiss the ridge of his brow. “They haven’t forced me into anything for years. Not since I crashed their car and stopped staying in their house.” His face smoothed into the human one she knew well. 

“That why you’re living in a motel?” he asked. “In Santa Carla?”

“I told you,” she teased. “I’m a time traveller.” They laughed at that and Paul and Dwayne finally eased up, moving away from them. It likely helped that David motioned them off. 

His thumb smoothed over the scar one last time. He reached up, brushing her hair back and tucking it behind her ear. He paused and she felt him pull the backing off of her earring. 

“Hey, what are–” 

He put a finger on her chin, turning her face back away from him. He took out her earring and tossed it. She heard it bounce off the ground. She sat there for a moment before feeling him press an earring into the space he had made. When his fingers moved, tracing a path down her neck, she turned to look. It took a moment before she realized what was missing. 

“Did you…give me one of your earrings?”

“Looks better on you,” David said. “Now you’ll have a piece of me wherever you go.” 

“Thank you.” It was a sweet gesture and something told her that David didn’t usually do sweet. Maybe it was the way they tended to interact, ready to tear each other's throats out at any given time. 

He leaned down and kissed her. It wasn’t soft. David kissed her as though he was trying to consume her. He burned himself into her. He finally pulled back when Marko returned with food. 

Darcy was a little high from the way Paul kept shotgunning his joint with her. She was lying on their couch, listening to the way the boys were rambunctious around her. 

“Hey, rosy-girl,” Dwayne murmured as he knelt next to her. “I got an idea.”

“Hmm?” she turned to look at him. He was lit by the fires in the cans that they had burning. It was a good look on him. Made him seem more human somehow. Maybe it was the warmth of the light on his skin. 

His hand slipped up under her shirt. He found one of the surgical scars easily, fingers brushing against it. He didn’t move higher as she expected. “You want to erase those scars? Make something beautiful on you.” 

“Like a tattoo?” 

He grins at her. “Better. I’ll make some new scars, a reminder of who you are.”

Darcy frowns slightly. “You wanna cut me up?”

“Just a little,” he says. “It’ll hurt, but you’re not afraid of a bit of pain, are you?” 

“Pain’s never stopped me before.” 

His grin turned a bit sharper. “Knew it wouldn’t.” He flipped open a knife. She eyed it carefully, but it looked new and sharp. “Let me?”

She considered it carefully. She wasn’t exactly a fan of knives near her, but it wasn’t like he’d put her to sleep through it and the idea of changing those scars into something she chose was appealing. It would shift from something taken to something given. “Yeah,” she breathes. “Yeah, okay.” 

Despite being high, and Paul shotgunning more into her mouth, she felt everything. Dwayne was extremely skilled. The pain wasn’t as strong as she expected it to be. He spent his time carving into her and distracting her with his mouth and tongue pressing against her skin. 

She fell asleep, feeling someone's hands stroke her hair and Dwayne murmuring that she’s been so good for him. 

Darcy woke to the sun hitting her face. She moved automatically, trying to roll away from the brightness. The sharp pain across her abdomen made her gasp and bolt up, instantly regretting it. She breathes through the pain, a practice she’s all too familiar with and has long tried to forget. A quick glance showed that the boys had managed to properly bandage and wrap her stomach. It was tempting to undo so she could see how far Dwayne had gotten, but experience has drilled into her to leave her bandages alone. 

Darcy pushed herself to her feet before leaving the cave. There was no point in sticking around bored out of her mind waiting for the sunset so the vampires could wake up. She had better things to do. Like finding a way to get to her job that she was probably late for. 

It took her longer than she wanted to get up those fucking awful metal steps. She mentally cursed the fact that she was attracted to a bunch of vampires who had no consideration for the humans they stole. Not that she could blame them. She wouldn’t make an easy exit for anyone she decided to kill, but it was a fucking pain to deal with now. Especially when the wounds on her stomach were killing her. Figuratively. 

She considered stealing one of their bikes. They didn’t actually need it and it would’ve served them right to have to share when they left her alone in their cave. The only thing that stopped her was the fact that she wasn’t entirely sure she could balance properly. Not with how her stomach twinged with every movement. 

So she walked. 

She saw the smoke first. 

It took a moment before she realized where it was coming from. She took off running. There was a small crowd on the street. She shoved her way past the tourists and the few familiar citizens until finally, she was close enough to see it. Sampson’s shop was burnt down. A still smouldering wreck that was hollowed out and collapsing before her.  

“What the fuck?” Darcy exclaimed, looking at the chaos she knows she didn’t cause. “What happened?”

“Darcy!” 

“Darcy!”

She turned at the sound of her name. Camila, Sampson and Clark came barreling toward her. Clark hit first, hugging her tightly before he realized what he was doing and let go. Camila took his place, hugging her before pulling back to cup her face in her hands and turning her head so Camila could look her over. 

“Dios mio, you’re okay! We thought you might have been caught in it! No one’s seen you! You weren’t at the motel!”

“What happened?” Darcy asked again, looking between the two adults.

“Surf Nazis came for revenge like I said they would. Everyone knows you work here, Darce,” Clark said. 

Anger burned through her, as hot as the fire that lay dormant in front of them. “They did, huh?” That’s fine. She could deal with those assholes. She knows if she asked, the vampires will help. Still, that does not erase the fact that her work is destroyed. It wasn’t even hers. She looked over at Sampson. “I am so sorry.”

“Nah, Darce. It’s a bummer but it’s just threads. The man is already asking ‘round. More important that you’re safe. We were buggin’ out thinking you were inside.” 

“The boys picked me up after work,” she said. “I spent the night with them.” 

Camila muttered a prayer before hugging her again. “Where are you staying?”

“The motel?” Darcy answered.

“Is that safe? Mija, if they know where you worked, they know where you live.” 

That was an excellent point. Still, Darcy hated that they were forcing her into this position. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll figure it out.” Worst case scenario, she’d stay in that stupid cave. She wasn’t about to let that happen though. She’d deal with these assholes first. 

“You can stay with me,” Camila offered. “Come, let’s get your stuff. Even if you find somewhere else, you can have your stuff somewhere safe until you decide.” 

She barely knew Camila but Sampson did and she trusted him. “Sure, thanks.” 

“Don’t worry ‘bout the store, Darce. I’ll let you know when I have something else set and I’ll come by Camila’s, drop off your pay, ya dig?”

She tried not to smile. “I dig,” she agreed. Clark disappeared again but Darcy let herself be led away from the wreckage by Camila. 

She gathered her meagre belongings from the motel and dropped them off in the spare room at Camila’s house. The older woman seemed ecstatic that she was there, taking the time to show her around and, more importantly in her words, feed her.  

Fuck everything else. This made it worth it. Camila apparently hadn’t had anyone to feed in ages because she seemed enthusiastic and determined to find out what Darcy’s favourites would be. 

Darcy was free to roam the house as she waited but she stayed close and kept up the conversation. 

“Is this your husband?” she asked, pointing to a picture on the mantle. Camila was younger, but the smile on her face was the same. The man next to her was a little taller, his grin wide and holding Camila close next to him. He looked like a good man, but Darcy knew how looks could be deceiving. 

“Ah! Si, that is my Ernesto! That picture was taken the day we met our guardian angel.”

Darcy looked over, bemused. “Your guardian angel?”

“It was in Los Angeles, Nineteen…sixty-five I think. Ernesto and I, we were struggling. I was thirty,” she went back to cooking and Darcy followed her into the kitchen. “When I met him. Smart man, handsome, but it was not so easy then. Our angel, sh-they helped us find our home. Gave us money for a proper start.”

Darcy’s eyebrows rose. “What did they want in return?”

“Nothing.” Camila laughed when she turned to look at the expression on Darcy’s face. “It’s true. Said it was payment for the future, that they wanted to…invest in our happiness. Never asked for anything in return. And we’re not the only ones in town who have received their help. Our angel would come by sometimes, just to sit with us. I think…they were lonely.” 

Darcy had never considered herself lonely at any point in her life. Being lonely meant that you were giving others power over you, that you were setting yourself up to be indebted to someone for their company. She refused to part with anything of hers that she wasn’t fully willing to give. 

Before night fell, Darcy started walking back to the bluffs. Her stomach burned with the movement but she needed to find the boys before they saw the burnt down remains while looking for her. If they were going to be as pissed as she was, she wanted to aim them in the right direction. The Surf Nazis stole something from her, from people who helped her. She would steal something back.

taglist: @raith-way @arrthurpendragon @zeleniafic @jvstjewels @veetlegeuse @chickensarentcheap @residentdormouse @endless-oc-creations @stanshollaand @wordspin-shares

lost boys tag: @phantomenby @avengers-fixation @artaxerxesthegreat @henhouse-horrors @charlizekkelly @makepastanotwar13

[corporatefrog]

╰┈➤ Welcome Back to the Channel part 29; like and subscribe

✧.* featuring yn setting up for their newest youtube video when a few unexpected guests arrive : ̗̀➛ notes - this is the last chapter! thank you guys so much for joining me during the journey of this story. I haven't finished a fic in years so it feels so good to write that final line. I left it pretty open ended to be ready for extra chapters in the future!! I could say a bunch more about how thankful I am for people reading this story and how much it's help me work through the past month but i'll let the chapter do that :) tags - college au, superhero au, smau

series masterlist previous | next

Okay. Let’s do this. 

“Hey guys! We’ve got a really special video today!” I greeted with a beaming grin, micking a high five with the camera. So far so good. “We’re going to be doing an interview I’ve been waiting to make for a long time…” I paused for effect before moving to the side, revealing today’s special guest. 

“Say hello to Mysterion!” I exclaimed with applause. I’d add some cheering effects while editing but without it, it sounded a bit empty. 

Looking back at Kenny, a laugh burst from my mouth at the expression on his face. He’d twisted his mouth into some semblance of a smirk but with the mask he looked cool and suave and more like he’d just smelled a three day old diaper. 

“Dude, what is that face? You look fucking stupid.” I said between laughs. Kenny frowned, giving me a side eye. 

“I’ve got a reputation to uphold!” He whined, gesturing to the dark hooded costume, “You don’t get it because you just started using your persona-”

“KENNY! Just say my social security number too why don’t you-” The frame shook as I lunged forward to stop the recording before any more secrets were shared on camera.

It had been about a few months since I’d started working with Butters and the guys would not let me forget they had seniority in the hero/villain world. Every chance Clyde had, he reminded me that he was there when they fought Cthulhu. Of course, Kyle was close behind to say that Clyde had done absolutely nothing during that fight. But that was followed by Kyle reminding me that he was sent to hell and was there during the eldritch battle.

I’d been worried when they found out that they’d stop talking to me altogether. I wasn’t quite sure why. They’ve known about Butters being Professor Chaos since they were children and I see him and Kenny hang out more than he hangs out with Kyle and Stan sometimes. He even hangs out with Craig and his group on the weekends. 

The only thing that’s been hurt by my employment at Chaos LLC is my intel source. Wendy stopped giving me insider details about hero movements if they related to Professor Chaos so I haven’t been able to cover as much of his antics but she was still queuing me into other run-ins with minor villains and typical South Park oddities. 

Last week, fucking Slenderman showed up. Like a tall faceless dude in a suit and tie Slenderman. Just standing in the park. He did kidnap Butters which led to an interesting rescue mission. And the video coverage was insane. Marble Hornets could never. 

I didn’t want to trust it at first. I’d spent a month waiting for things to suddenly change. For everyone to turn on me for being a minor inconvenience at best but Craig still asked me to help him with his stats homework at Tweek Bros and Stan still invited me to whatever random board game shop he was visiting that week. The only thing that changed was sometimes we ran around the city in (if I’m being honest) ridiculous costumes and blew off some of the steam that comes with being a college student at Garrison University. 

The entire college almost shut down last month due to Dean Garrison being convicted of tax fraud and publicly attempting to assassinate the President in order to avoid charges. Without anyone to lead the college and the name now permanently connected to an elementary school teacher turned assassin, the only option seemed to be shutting the place down. That was a rough month. The university was literally on the verge of closure and I still had to write a 10 page research paper. What kind of bullshit is that?

Yeah but it was a paper about The Bachelor so was it really work?

Anything that involves citing in APA is work. 

The routine of my new normal set in pretty quickly. Well, as ‘normal’ as things can be when you’re friends with superheroes in South Park. I went to my classes, made videos for my channel, then I’d meet up with Butters and ruin a few people’s day a few times a week. It was scary how easily I fell into the routine. I’d wake up and say good morning to Stan as though he weren’t shooting tranquilizer darts from a nail gun at me a few hours earlier. Certainly not a sentence I ever thought I’d say. 

Looking back on the past two years, I see all the chances I had to end up somewhere else. If I’d gone to a different university and never set foot in South Park or if I’d chosen a different apartment and never ran into Clyde on my first day there I could have led a completely different life. Even in the moments which dragged on my mind, they all led me here. And the feeling of comfort that comes along with that thought makes every struggle worthwhile. 

There’s nowhere I’d rather be and here. Attending a university with an idiot dean, living in an apartment building with my closest friends, and now helping someone I care about get the revenge he’s due. Oh, and making youtube videos about all the stupid shit that happens along the way.

I restarted the recording, giving Kenny a warning glare before saying the intro again. This time, he kept a normal face which made it much easier to not think about how just a few months ago, I was freaking out at the idea of talking to THE Mysterion. 

Granted, now we’ve seen THE Mysterion vomiting in a toilet at 2 am after eating his taco bell too fast so the shimmer has faded. 

“So, Mysterion,” I started, glancing at my list of questions I’d prepared for the interview, “You’ve been the longest running hero in South Park history! How does it feel to be coming up on 10 years as South Park’s Guardian Angel?”

Kenny hummed as he mulled over the question, “It’s not an easy job-” A knock on the door cut off his answer. I looked over at Kenny with a confused expression. He mirrored my confusion but couldn’t offer an idea on who was interrupting our interview for the second time. 

I paused the video before heading over to the door, looking through the peephole. Toolshed’s signature belt gave him away instantly. He shifted from foot to foot as he waited, tapping his hands against his thighs. 

What the fuck?

I opened the door, leaning against the frame while I deadpanned at my neighbor. 

“What’re you doing?” I asked, looking at him from under my eyebrows. 

Stan flashed a sheepish smile, “Well, I heard that you were interviewing Ken-” He paused, glancing down the hall both ways before correcting himself, “Mysterion today and I was thinking I could join? I haven’t gotten an interview yet after all.” 

“You haven’t gotten an interview because all you’ve done the past three fights is stand in the back with a power drill looking lost.” I pulled up my phone and held it up for Stan to see the footage from the past three hero conflicts. While Kenny and Craig dove into the fray, Stan could be seen in the background, searching through his utility belt for the right tool for the battle. By the time he held up his weapon of choice, Craig would be throwing the final punch.

“Okay those videos are rigged. You got those from the Craig fan accounts.” Stan protested. 

“You’re really reaching now bud-” 

“Is there still time for the interview?” A voice shouted from down the hall. Kyle’s door flew open with him rushing out soon after. The kite strapped to his back caught on the door frame, sending him tripping and falling into the wall across the hall from his door. I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face while the sound of Kyle cursing and tripping over his own stupid fucking costume filled the hallway. 

“Dude what are you doing?” Stan asked, crossing his arms as though he were the one being put upon by the appearance of the Human Kite. Kyle righted himself, brushing imaginary dust off his costume. 

“You said you were going to try and get in on the interview and after my last one-” He gave me a pointed look as though I were the one who chose his stupid name in the first place, “turned into me being berated for an hour and a half.” 

“Yeah but you already had one. It’s my turn now.” Stan whined. 

“Actually, it’s my turn right now.” Kenny said, suddenly appearing behind me at the door. I jumped to the side, holding a hand over my chest to keep my heart from jumping out at the shock. 

“Jesus fuck man. I need to put a bell on you.” I muttered to myself before addressing the slowly growing group of complaining superheroes, “None of you guys get to decide whose turn it is to be on my channel. I set up this interview with Kenny a month ago and we’re finally getting to filming so if you want to have ‘your turn’ you need to fill out the form and join the queue like everyone else. I’ve got Craig and Tweek lined up for next month then Tolkien-”

“How the fuck does Tolkien get to go before me-”

“Because he filled out the fucking form Stan? I literally just told you.” 

“Okay, well I just think it would be more interesting to have Toolshed on before Tupperware.” Stan looped his thumbs through his utility belt, kicking a foot at the ground with a frown tugging at his lips. He looked up at me with pouting eyes, blinking rapidly as he tried to change my mind.

No way this 20 year old is pouting in the hallway right now. 

I blew a breath out of the corner of my mouth, averting my eyes from the pouting college student. I better not regret this. 

“Okay, fine.” I started. Stan’s posture immediately improved as he straightened up and began to walk towards the door. Kyle followed suit with a borderline giddy smile of his own. I held up a hand to stop them, “But this is a one time thing, okay? Don’t go telling the others you can just bug me into doing a video with them because I know Clyde can and will be the most annoying motherfucker to ever exist until I do an entire series about him.” 

Kyle and Stan nodded rapidly, heads moving in sync as they agreed to whatever would get them in the video. I was about to move aside and let them in when Kenny sucked in a breath. 

“We weren’t supposed to tell other people about this?” He asked. When I turned to stare at him, he plastered an awkwardly large grin on his face. 

“Who did you tell?” I asked, holding my breath out of fear for what he’d say next. Kenny paused, eyes moving across the ceiling as he thought over the question. That’s never a good sign. Then he began counting on his fingers, mouth moving in silent words as he continued to tick off different unknown names. 

Letting his hands fall with a shrug, he looked back at me with the still incredibly awkward smile, “Only like a few of the guys-” 

“MUAHAHAHA, THIS IS WHERE YOU FALL MYSTERION!” Butters came barreling in through my balcony doors, fists raised to the sky as he posed in the living room. The four of us turned to look at the villain. 

“False alarm, Butters. Apparently this was a lowkey thing.” Kenny said, pointing to me with his thumb as though I were the buzzkill in the situation. My jaw dropped as I turned to Kenny, appalled that he had the audacity to claim I was ruining our private interview I’d spent a month planning. 

Butters’ arms fell back to his sides, tinfoil of his gauntlets scraping slightly against his belt, “Awe geez, and here I was ready for a scuffle.” He said, scuffing the toe of his boot against the floor in a similar pout to Stan’s from moments before. 

Why am I friends with a bunch of toddlers? 

Before I could address Butters’ appearance, my apartment was flooded with the rest of my friends all clad in their hero costumes. Tolkien waddled behind Tweek and Craig, turning sideways to get through the door with Clyde following close behind. Soon my apartment was filled with arguing superheroes and one very boisterous villain, all trying to figure out how to fit themselves into the frame. 

I squeezed myself onto the couch between Kenny and Clyde, feeling like I should at least have the original planned video guest in the middle of the frame. Voices overlapped as Stan tried to shove Kyle over, pushing Tweek and Craig further to the side. The cacophony of sound bounced off the walls and made the air buzz with the rambunctious energy. 

Normally the noise would send me spiraling, overstimulated by the different sounds all pulling me in different directions, but the noise around me calmed the normally racing thoughts in my mind. I’d spent so long sitting in front of this camera, reading off new stories of the people who now shouted my name to grab my attention from opposite ends of the couch I’d gotten off Facebook Marketplace. The once deafening silence which filled the moments between takes was replaced by shouts to move over and accusations of stepping on their kite string. 

It was the best noise I’d ever heard. 

“I’m starting now! Everyone shut up and follow me lead!” I announced, stabilizing the camera before returning to my spot with a smile.

I smiled for the camera. I smiled at the thought of the views a video with all of South Park’s heroes would get. But I also smiled from the overwhelming happiness that came from being surrounded by my closest friends. 

“Hey guys!” I greeted, raising a hand to mimic a high five with the lens,

“Welcome back to the channel!”

taglist [reply to be added]: @sula0kin @lacuna-at-dawn @anglettecolours @cocolena@sukisprettyface @feverish-dove @sweetadonisbutbetter @hand-writxen@mishstuff@sophtophie @triphovia  @lacunaanonymoused @inkedintothepaper @toodeepintofandoms@mmmaackerel @sillybilly-123@n0tangeliccc@sophtophie@inkedintothepaper 

[accidental-spice]

I heard you were really really good at gluten free baking? 👀 As a person with celiacs I am Intrigued

I do like to think I am lol!! Honestly, it's not too hard, I just make regular recipes with gluten free flour! I recommend King Arthur Baking Company's measure for measure gluten free flour, it's AMAZING (They've got a section on their cross contamination protocols on their website which I can link at the bottom of this post!!) I don't have celiacs, I just bake for my mom who avoids gluten, but it's not super dangerous for her to eat it, so there might be a reason that wouldn't work out that I don't know about, but I can't see why it wouldn't!

Anyways, want some recipes? (Admittedly, most of these don't originate with me, but I've changed the recipes enough to claim them as new ones, if that makes sense)

Brownies!!!

Preheat the oven at 350 degrees, and butter a 9" glass baking pan (I think the one I use is slightly smaller than that so clearly there's room for error lol)

Melt 1 cup of butter of butter over medium heat. When it's all or mostly melted, mix in ½ cup of semi sweet chocolate chips, and 1 ½ cups of sugar

Next, add 4 eggs, though not if it's scorching hot. Then mix in ½ teaspoon vanilla (I just throw a splash in)

Then mix in 1 cup flour, ¾ unsweetened cocoa powder, ½ teaspoon of baking powder, and ½ teaspoon salt (I tend to just sprinkle in a couple shakes, but that's how much the original recipe says lol) with a spatula until combined enough that there's no loose flour or cocoa powder on top, then I like to break out a hand mixer and mix it until nice and combined and smooth!

Bake it for 55-60 minutes, I tend to start with 50, test it with a knife, and then keep going in 3-5 minute increments until the batter that comes out on the knife is thicker and more cooked looking, less shiny and batter like. I don't want it to come out completely clean, or else they'll be too dry. Hard pass, I love a fudgy brownie😂

Chocolate chip cookies

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees

Mix ½ cup of butter with 3 tablespoons of brown sugar, ¼ cup of white sugar, 1 egg, and a splash of vanilla. I use our Vitamix blender, but I'd imagine any blender or hand mixer would work well

Add 1 ⅛ cups of flour, ½ teaspoon baking soda, ⅛ teaspoon baking powder, and like. Three medium shakes of salt. Then add as many chocolate chips as your heart desires!

Bake for 15 minutes, until the cookies at the edge of the sheet are golden brown at the edges. This'll give you a nice soft cookie, I have no idea how to make harder ones, I like butter too much🤣🤣

White chocolate chip oatmeal craisin cookies (I think they could also make good oatmeal raisin cookies if you like those, I've never tried, but I so should lol(

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees

If you're using rolled oats, I like to run them through a blender real quick before I start, just so they aren't too hard on my teeth. Just until they look broken down a bit, they'll still add plenty of texture!

Mix ½ cup butter with ½ cup brown sugar, ¼ cup granulated sugar, 1 egg, and a ½ teaspoon of vanilla

Then add ¾ cup of flour, 1 ½ cups of oats, ½ teaspoon of baking soda, about three medium shakes of salt, and as much cinnamon as your heart desires, I usually add roughly 20 good shakes from our shaker. I really love cinnamon, and I strongly believe that a lot should be added, and that you can never have too much

Add your preferred mix ins!! I've used white chocolate chips and craisins, regular chocolate chips and craisins, and just chocolate chips, and all have been EXCELLENT. I also have a sneaking suspicion they'd be really good with walnuts, if you're a nut person

Bake for 15 minutes!

Let me know if you want any other recipes!! Some of my favorites include monster cookies, apple cider donut loaf cake, and chocolate chip sea salt cookies (they're really thick and sweet and salty, and they remind my mom of the cookies they sell at Costco now), to name a few!!

Also, if you're not in the mood to bake, and if you're comfortable with it, I am more than happy to just. Mail you some brownies or something!!!! Just let me know, and I'll see what I can whip up!!!!!

Thanks for the ask!!!

(And here's that allergen info!)

[aspiringnexu]

Saw a post a while ago that mentioned a debate among Star Wars fans and Star Trek fans about the typical who-would-win between a Borg Cube and the Death Star.

I'll leave them to that debate because who-would-win is highly dependent on the plot anyway and that kind of debate only leads to arguments (plus I find it incredibly boring, I'd much rather debate things like the similarities and disparities between human cultures in the two universes, one with and one without Earth, that would be interesting). But what did catch my eye was a mini-debate later on with people discussing whether or not said Cube would detect the Death Star approaching, the argument being that the modes of travel in the two different universes (namely warp and hyperspace) are so different that the Cube wouldn't be able to detect the Death Star until it reverted to real space.

Which reminded me how much I love that the two travel systems are so similar and yet so different.

I won't be able to get too technical, I'm sure some fans know the exact ins and outs of both kinds of space traversal, but the fundamental difference is how the ships attain FTL, or Faster Than Light. Because otherwise space travel takes FOREVER.

In Star Trek they use impulse engines to putter about for more precision maneuvering but use warp engines to achieve FTL, the warp engines 'warping' space by making a subspace bubble around the ship and therefore insulating it from the extreme pressures of breaking normal physics. As you do.

In Star Wars they use sublight engines for the usual puttering and maneuvering but instead they rely on the hyperdrive to achieve FTL which punts the ship into hyperspace, basically a parallel dimension where ships can achieve FTL without undue stress to the ship itself.

In both cases ships can be pulled out of their warp bubbles or their hyperspace streams due to factors in normal space. In Star Wars, for example, there exist Interdictor class ships which produce massive gravity wells, similar to those of moons or any other significant cosmic body which forces ships to drop out of hyperspace in order to avoid crashing into said body. (This also makes jumping into hyperspace too close to a planetary body incredibly risky. Not impossible, mind, but there is a reason planetary governments have a minimum distance allocated for incoming and outgoing ships.) Star Wars also makes a big deal out of Hyperspace Lanes (there was an entire war fought over them at one point) which are routes that have been confirmed to be empty of any cosmic phenomena discounting the occasional asteroid that wanders in. They're used as major shipping lanes and commercial passenger transports as a result. You can, of course, elect not to use the routes but you run the risk of encountering surprises even with a navicomputer.

In Star Trek the same rules seem to apply with various cosmic phenomena able to disrupt the warp drive and pull the ship out of warp, whether it be extreme gravimetric distortions that require precision piloting to avoid or nebula too thick for the engines to filter or, really, the list goes on. Could be anything from a nebula to the glowing green hand of a supposed Greek god stopping you from going to warp.

But regardless of the actual metrics of the two kinds of space travel, I find the idea that neither ship would be expecting the other to just appear incredibly amusing.

Neither universe would have any experience with a ship that travels in a space bubble or a ship that just casually drops in from another dimension and really why focus on inter-fandom discourse when you can focus on the incidental comedy?

[bubblebuckys]

my recent sierra six kick, a fever, and watching barbie before taking a nap, made for a hell of a dream lmao

im putting this here so i can go back and remember this dream but also if anyone is interested in taking a look and maybe having a little giggle

i was a new barbie in barbieland, specifically the ordinary barbie gloria pitches toward the end of the movie and so i wasn’t always as bubbly as the other barbies and had ordinary hobbies and an ordinary home and job. so i felt like i couldn’t relate to the other barbie and kens even though they tried befriending me.

so they still invited me to all the parties that i never went to, except for the latest one because i was trying to fit in more. but apparently i wasn’t the only party irregular. enter: trained agent ken, who received a depression-barbie-slash-lucas-lee-style introduction, zoom-ins and explosions and all. he’s quiet, he’s mysterious, guarded, and, yes, very much just court gentry renamed as ken. apparently he and ryan gosling!ken were distant cousins.

i was at the sidelines of the party avoiding the choreographed dance—and my feelings about not knowing the steps as the others did. everyone else not part of the dance (but definitely aware of it’s steps) was excitedly greeting six/ken, so glad he made it back safe from his last mission. they asked him how it was, if he ever got injured during, if he had a gun, if his enemies had guns. has he ever gotten shot? how does that even feel? he understood their fascination because there aren’t weapons in babieland and it was just child-like interest, but it was overwhelming for him nonetheless. because, reminder, this ken is quiet and mysterious.

and so he managed to escape the ones asking questions and now, he, too, was avoiding the dance. turning away whenever any of the other barbies and kens got close enough they would have recognized him if he hadn’t. at one turn mermaid!barbie had been behind him, just about to make eye contact so he jumped behind the tree that i had been leaning against on the other side of and so he hadn’t seen me. i jumped and spilled whatever drink i had onto the floor and turned just to see who had bumped into me.

six!ken felt bad when he heard my drink fall because he knew how extravagant the clothes were and so he stayed so he could apologize instead of running before i noticed who he was. none of the drink actually fell on my clothes though, so he saw that while my outfit was pretty it was not as outrageous (i wouldn’t use that word but i cant think of a better one) as the others. he also realized he had never met me.

i forget what i said but I was a little rude, which kind of impressed six!ken, im guessing because everyone is so nice in babrieland that he hadn’t been expecting that?, but other than that he disregarded it. he bluntly stated that i was new, and after some attitude on both ends we introduced ourselves. ken decided to stay talking to me because after i learned about his job i only made a comment about it sounding dangerous before i moved on.

we spent the rest of the night talking casually, nothing too deep, and by the end of it i was invited to stay for girls night. i promised i would stay next time because it was way past the time i usually went to sleep, and then six!ken offered to walk me home even though i just lived down the street (his spidey-senses were tingling)

BUT! in the middle of the night someone broke into my house and they were trying to kidnap me. i was fighting but obviously i was not a fighter. which is when six!ken showed up and fought off the four strange men, where he came from we dont know, and he told me we had go to the real world to hide and get answers.

and unfortunately that’s when i woke up :((

(also this is never explicitly mentioned but six!ken is regularly going to and leaving the real world and somehow its not messing up reality ? but wtv. and this is basically where the sierra program came into play in this universe lol. since we have that part in barbie where the cia/fbi calls mattel to let them know a barbie is on the loose we know they are aware of the possibility of these dolls coming to life. and because the sierra program is just the cia using people who have no record of existence to complete missions off the books, who’s a better candidate for that than a fucking ken doll, right?)

[saivii]

gonna just. post these minoru/ryo teacher au headcanon things here: (part 1 bc the whole thing goes over the character limit lol)

teacher au:

minoru is probably a gym teacher (if not i think he’d teach science) and i can’t decide if ryo is art or english or math lolol

or maybe ryo teaches home ec

minoru is the fun one who tries to keep the class entertained

ryo is a bit stern and strict at times but he’s passionate about what he teaches and he cares a lot about his students (even if he’s not super obvious at showing it)

minoru will sometimes just briefly come in ryo’s classroom while he’s teaching and do something to mess with him like flickering the lights or saying something silly

ryo will scoff and try scolding him whenever he does but minoru runs out the door while laughing

minoru probably ruffles ryo’s hair or gives him a noogie at some point and ryo fumes at him for fucking up his hair

if minoru doesn’t mess with him for a while, he’ll secretly miss it or be worried about him

maybe he’ll even check to see if minoru is okay and accidentally show minoru that he’s worried bc of the lack of shenanigans, which minoru will tease him about

then minoru will go back to messing with him, ryo will act annoyed but secretly feel relieved, and his students will notice his fond exasperation and tease him about it

maybe one time ryo exasperatedly asks him if he’d like to teach the class and minoru accepts, makes it fun, and gets ryo involved and gets ryo to smile

and minoru makes it his mission to get ryo to smile/laugh

after that the students tease ryo even more about how minoru made him smile lol

ryo definitely starts making excuses to see minoru. shit like “oh you left your pencil in my class” (even if he didn’t and it’s literally a random pencil) or “xyz student wanted ___/wanted to let you know ____” (or maybe one of the other teachers like takuma told him to tell minoru that bc he Knows how minoru and ryo are feeling and wants them both to be happy)

if takuma told ryo to tell minoru smth minoru would smirk and say “takuma’s my friend, why wouldn’t he just tell me himself” and ryo’s like “idk man i’m not a psychic!!!” 

also minoru would just tease him like “i think you’re here bc deep down you like me” and ryo gets flustered and grumbles smth to the effect of “don’t flatter yourself”

and he doesn’t know why he’s like this now and is annoyed at himself for wanting to do all this

the answer is probably bc he likes minoru’s playfulness and smile, and bc seeing him over and over again has made him get more attached to him (yay for the mere exposure effect)

minoru starts playfully teasing him/bantering with him more often, like at lunch or in the break room

he also feels happy when ryo starts bantering back

then there’d be a moment where ryo is struggling bc smth reminds him of his fear that nobody actually likes him and ppl think he’s a burden, and minoru can see that ryo’s acting different. he sees that ryo is quieter than usual and that he looks sad rather than slightly grumpy and snarky like he usually is, and that ryo isn’t responding to minoru’s playful teasing or joking. 

ryo also avoids minoru, which hurts and confuses minoru and minoru starts to wonder if he did or said something that was seriously hurtful to ryo. 

so at some point he manages to talk to ryo one on one and he sheepishly says that if he went too far with any of his teasing, he’s sorry. ryo is confused and quietly says that minoru’s teasing isn’t the issue. 

minoru asks what the actual issue is, ryo tries to pretend like nothing is wrong, and minoru gets frustrated and starts arguing with ryo until ryo finally admits that he feels unlikeable and that he envies how minoru seems to be liked by everyone and be so confident and happy all the time.

minoru’s shocked and a little sad that ryo feels that way. he didn’t think ryo really cared about what other ppl think and he still can’t help but wonder if he might have accidentally said something that made ryo feel so insecure

ryo continues by saying that his students seem to like minoru and that they’d probably rather be taught by minoru 

minoru says that the students still really like ryo but they just act differently around ryo bc his personality is different (which ryo doesn’t believe and thinks minoru is just trying to sugarcoat the truth)

minoru also hesitantly adds that he’s not happy all the time and that he feels like being funny is one of the only things he’s good at

then ryo is surprised but asks why minoru would think that when so many ppl like him. 

minoru points out that ppl like ryo too, and ryo says “oh yeah? name one person who actually likes me,” and minoru pauses before quietly admitting, “i like you…”

and ofc ryo’s like “why?? half the time i’m roasting you” and is genuinely confused as to why minoru likes him. minoru bashfully explains that he doesn’t tease anyone else nearly as much as he teases ryo and that he feels like he can just have fun when they’re together and that he likes their banter (he’s not ready to admit the part about liking ryo’s smile and laugh yet lmao)

that makes ryo really happy and he can’t stop himself from smiling before sheepishly admitting that he returned minoru’s pencil and told minoru what the students wanted to say to him just to give him an excuse to talk to minoru

then minoru smirks and says “so you do like me deep down” and when ryo doesn’t deny it, minoru teasingly says “aww, ryo has a heart” and then they’re back to bantering and laughing like they usually do

maybe minoru even convinces the students to do something thoughtful for ryo like writing him thank you notes and when ryo sees it, he swears he’s not tearing up and that the sun is just bright. he’s surprised but touched when he realizes it was minoru’s idea and awkwardly thanks him at some point

the students tease tf out of BOTH of them for this, especially minoru

“aww, you’re worried about him and wanna make him feel better” or smth idk

ryo and minoru get a lot closer after that whole conversation and spend a lot more time together bc of it. they also start spending time together outside of school and gradually become more vulnerable with each other.

their bantering starts to seem a lot more flirtatious, with a lot more smiling and laughing and touches (like playful nudging)

speaking of which, they find more excuses to give each other lil touches, like minoru throwing an arm around ryo’s shoulders or ryo trying to get an eyelash off minoru’s cheek or fix his hair or fix his tie

they start looking at each other more fondly. ryo has unintentionally looked at minoru like a lovesick teenager when minoru is rambling excitedly about something, and minoru has given ryo several yearning looks when ryo isn’t looking

they start getting more attached to each other and think about how fun and easy it is for them to be around each other. ofc they have other friends but none of them have the same dynamic that they have with each other. they start thinking about each other more often and random things start reminding them of each other more often. 

[crowdvscritic]

round up // SEPTEMBER 23

My fellow Fall Goblins, we must usher in the Autumn by force! 

One of the joys of not using TikTok and minimizing your Instagram use over time is any content you do watch is even more tailored to your interests than an algorithm because only people who know and love are sending it to you directly. I am embracing my Fall Goblin status (as @taryndelaniesmith coined it) with the new iced pumpkin chai at Starbucks and rewatching Gilmore Girls. (Sorry to sound like an #ad.) Less related to the latest equinox, I’ve been catching up with 2023 releases, digging into women’s memoirs, and, yes, still thinking about Barbie. If these September picks don’t tide you over all through October, add these movies with Autumn vibes to your watchlist.  

September Crowd-Pleasers

1. The Equalizer 3 (2023)

If the if-it-ain’t-broke-don’t-fix-it mentality is what you’re looking for in the action genre, this more than delivers because Antoine Fuqua is one of the best at making action that is both beautifully shot and easy to follow. (Just a reminder that his Magnificent Seven remake is deeply underrated!) Setting this adventure on one of the dreamiest coastal towns in the world means this is the best-looking Equalizer yet, but even that isn’t the real draw. Read my full review for ZekeFilm. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10

2. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (2023)

Someone’s ex shows up unexpectedly, family secrets are unearthed, and we have to find something for Joey Fatone to do! Fortunately, even with all that story, this is still a good time and also a step up from the Netflix and Hallmark-style movies that have become the de facto purgatory for rom-coms and family comedies in the last 10 years. Read my full review for ZekeFilm. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

3. A Haunting in Venice (2023)

To use a Moneyball metaphor, if Knives Out and Only Murders in the Building are hitting grand slams and home runs, these Agatha Christie movies are focused on getting on base. Haunting is like watching your favorite team win 1-0—you may not remember the game the rest of your life, but it’s still a win. Read my full review for ZekeFilm. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

in the Building are hitting grand slams and home runs, these Agatha Christie movies are focused on getting on base. Haunting is like watching your favorite team win 1-0—you may not remember the game the rest of your life, but it’s still a win. Read my full review for ZekeFilm. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

4. GUTS by Olivia Rodrigo (2023)

Queen! The opening track’s satiric take on the unattainable expectations for modern women goes right up there with America Ferrera’s speech in Barbie, and “pretty isn’t pretty” and “teenage dream” are excellent companions for those themes. “bad idea right?” is a hilarious anthem meant for shouting at the top of your lungs, and “get him back!” is one of the flat-out best pop songs since, well, “drivers license.” While GUTS may not have a track that transcends that generation-crossing ballad, this album is a step up because it avoids the repetition of the breakup tracks from SOUR. 

5. Gran Turismo (2023)

A movie about gamer-turned-racecar-driver does not scream A Movie for Taylor™, but a movie starring Orlando Bloom and David Harbour sure does! I went in skeptical but ended up emotionally invested in this based-on-a-true-coming-of-age-story sports movie that was much better than it needed to be thanks to this charismatic cast and Neill Blomkamp’s innovative directing. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

More September Crowd-Pleasers: Our Lips Are Sealed (2000) is just an Annette and Frankie movie starring the Olsen twins, a baby kangaroo named Boomer, and Jason he-better-win-an-Oscar-someday Clarke // Did you know Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta reunited in Basic (2003)? It’s a fun thriller with plot in the vein of A Few Good Men from the director Die Hard // Accepted (2006) is cruder than my typical taste, but Justin Long and the script find heart and insightful comedy in an update to Animal House // Is Terminator Salvation (2009) an underrated gem of the franchise even without Schwarzenegger? // Iron Sky (2012), a sci-fi action flick in which astronauts find a secret base the Nazis fled to in 1945, is one of the most fun bad movies I’ve seen in a long time // Sisu (2023) is the John Wick of WWII Finland with all the fun and none of the baggage of world building // Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, and John Oliver are teaming up for the Strike Force Five podcast, and their conversations are as random and delightful as you’d hope

September Critic Picks

1. Girls on Film by Alicia Malone (2022)

Turner Classic Movies host Alicia Malone’s memoir looks back on her life through the films that influenced her growing up and through the ones the ones that have represented her life as a woman. She shares how Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Mad Love, National Velvet, The NeverEnding Story, and Smooth Talk have impacted her life, as well as behind-the-scenes stories from her career and her Hollywood adventures. (In one, she shares a life-changing conversation she had with an unnamed actor in Rome. I’m choosing to believe it was Andrew Garfield!) A thoughtful combination of reflection and cinema history, I had trouble putting this down. 

2. And So They Were Married (1936)

In a Parent Trap-reverse plot, single parents Mary Astor and Melvyn Douglas fall for each other at a ski lodge over a Christmas holiday, but their kids (Edith Fellows, Jackie Moran) can’t stand each other. I will definitely be revisiting this charming screwball rom-com this holiday season! Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

3. The Beautiful Letdown (Our Version) [Deluxe Edition] by Switchfoot (2023)

Nostalgia overload! I didn’t know I needed the Jonas Brothers, Relient K, and more covering one of the core albums of my youth.

4. Archive by Sofia Coppola (2023)

If, like me, you love films about lonely women, scrapbooks so thick they can't close, photos of people in period costumes using modern technology, and learning everything you can about an artist’s process, you'll also love this 500-page collection of Sofia Coppola’s mood boards, character notes, and story inspirations.

5. Good Reads

If you’re still thinking about Barbie, these are great companion pieces for digging into the ideas it’s exploring: 

“The Good Christian Girl: A Fable,” ChristianityToday.com (2010) 

“Single Christian Women Are Much More Than Their Wombs,” ChristianityToday.com (2023) 

“Men Are Lost. Here’s a Map Out of the Wilderness,” WashingtonPost.com (2023)

“Barbie Affirms the Goodness of Women's Embodiment,” KatelynBeaty.substack.com (2023)

"In the Beginning, There Was Barbie,” vox.com (2023)

And only tangentially related to Barbie, this piece:

“The Real Lesson From the Lizzo Saga: Don’t Deify Celebrities,” WashingtonPost.com (2023)

More September Critic Picks: The Big Short (2015) is the platonic ideal of an Adam McKay issues movie // Can we get more old school pop records like The Dip Delivers by The Dip (2019), please? // Before Forrest Gump, there was Being There (1979), which is a slow-burn comedy only someone as stellar as Peter Sellers could pull off // Hanna (2011) makes me wish more directors like Joe Wright were tackling action thrillers starring Saoirse Ronan-caliber actresses

Also in September…

My two takeaways from Dumb Money (2023) are that

Money is, well, dumb

We have not figured out how to make movies about the Internet yet

This comedy feels like scrolling through the Internet: always entertaining, needlessly profane, and featuring TikTok dances even when I’m not looking for them. Read my full review for ZekeFilm.

Photo credits: Alicia Malone, Switchfoot, Sofia Coppola. IMDb.com.