#remember when we did that ask game to guess the mutual and i failed yea | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kooala · 4 years ago

Text

once you realize - chapter five

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader, Taehyung x his girlfriend Mina, Jaebeom!

Tags: best friend! Jungkook, idol verse, friends to lovers!

Genre: fluff, mutual pining, this one is really angsty!

Words: about 5k

Warnings: language! flirting! mutual pining, angsty

Parts: chapter one / chapter two / chapter three / chapter four / chapter five / chapter six / chapter seven

Summary: Trying to finally put the Jaebeom thing behind you, things seem to take a turn for the worse. But what do they say? Only rainbows, after rain.

masterlist

A/N: Thank you guys for the positive responses I’ve received for this series! I really enjoyed writing it and I’m trying to turn it into seven chapters (: Hope you enjoy this one! 💖

(edited this late so sorry for typos in advance!)

“Pass the sauce?”, Jimin asked, bumping your elbow a bit and with a smile you reached across the table to hand it to him. After everyone had hung out for a while after the movie, the collective decision had been to order dinner, have some drinks and play all sorts of games.

Dinner had been somewhat of a torture. Not only had everyone taken a seat before Jungkook could sit down next to you and now he was sitting all the way across, on the opposite side of the table, but you were also seated with Jackson and BamBam right next to you. The two of them had been bickering since they had taken a seat and eventually it had spilled over to them bickering with you and Jimin, who was giving them the cold shoulder, leaving you as a target.

Usually you were the first one to tease back, making sassy comments and having fun with them but the absurdity of the situation still sat deep. Jeabeom was trying to catch eye contact across the table a couple of times, while you tried to look past him at Jungkook who had his eyes on you constantly as well. As Jackson wouldn’t stop jibing you over and over again, you eventually took a deep breath, giving in your attempts to resist the messy joke fight you usually got into.

“Choke on a dick, Wang.”, you hissed and Jackson burst out into laughter, making you smirk at his giddy behavior. He really was in a good mood today, maybe the drinks had helped.

Oddly enough, Jungkook started coughing all the way across the table, putting down his coke can as he tried to catch some breath. With raised eyebrows you looked at him, wondering if he had actually managed to eavesdrop from all the way across the table.

“Do you need a sippy cup? I thought you grew up.”, Jackson joked and Jungkook looked like he was ready to throw punches. “I don’t, thanks.”, he said with a fake smile across his lips and although you could tell he was offended by it, you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Little baby.”, Jaebeom chuckled and what was meant to be a cute, affectionate little statement rubbed Jungkook the absolute wrong way.

He simply stared back at him and added: “I’m not a baby.”

“Don’t mock the guy.”, Namjoon chimed in as the voice of reason although he couldn’t entirely hide that smile on his lips. Jungkook’s gaze met yours across the table and you weren’t sure if you felt like you should say something since it obviously had been a weird situation for Jungkook to be told off by JB like that, especially after everything that had happened, but you decided interfering would’ve been way more suspicious than just letting the situation die down.

Before anything could get any worse, you decided to get up and started collecting all the dishes without saying a word, getting everything to the kitchen. You were happy to get some alone time for a change and once you washed the dishes you could use that time to think about everything what had happened today.

Something about knowing that Jungkook had held your hand earlier and none of the others knowing about it excited you. The secrecy part felt exciting and new and although it had only been a brief moment of holding each other’s hands, both of you knew how much was at stake when you both gave in to your feelings earlier, proving it wasn’t a risk taken lightly.

Washing off the plates your thoughts drifted off to the lunch today where Jungkook had paid for you as well although you had told him it was your turn. With a smile on your face, deeply in thoughts you didn’t hear Jaebeom entering the kitchen behind you after a while.

“Everything ok?”

The sudden touch on your arm startled you and for a brief second you felt an excitement rush through your body, imagining Jungkook’s face once you turned around to face the voice behind you. But as you turned, it wasn’t Jungkook looking at you.

Jaebeom was leaning against the kitchen island, smiling at you. With a quick smile you nodded, trying your hardest not to think about what Jungkook had told you about you turning him down right in front of him. The thought alone made you want to vanish into thin air.

“Yea, I’m okay, thank you.”, you smiled and turned back around to face the dishes, hoping Jae wouldn’t turn this into an awkward situation by digging or bringing up topics you really didn’t feel like talking about after what had just happened with Jungkook. The intimacy of this moment made you feel a little uncomfortable since all the encounters you’ve had with him before, had always been in crowded areas, usually involving a drink or two.

This right now, was just the two of you in a kitchen and you were worried about how it’d look too people who didn’t know what was going on, the two of you alone in the kitchen.

“Would it be ok if we talk for a moment?”, he asked and you could hear the nerves in his tone. There it was – the question you had been dreading, hoping it wouldn’t come up. With a quiet sigh, you washed your hands off and dried them on the kitchen towel, all of it to stall some time.

“Sure.”, you turned around with a smile, leaning against the sink to keep some of the distance between the two of you. You really felt like you were doing him wrong for how you were behaving but things had changed and if you could believe Jungkook, which you always could, you had already talked to Jaebeom about how you felt about him.

“What’s up?”, you asked smiling and he seemed nervous all of a sudden.

“Listen...” he started the conversation and you could feel your insides tensing up. This time it wasn’t the good kind. “I, I really don’t want to push or anything... I just wanted to know if there was ever anything I did wrong?”, he started and you could feel the tips of your ears burning from the blunt confrontation of fire he was giving you.

“I really like you, Y/N. I thought you felt the same way? Somewhat at least. It didn’t seem like you were opposed to it when we kissed?”, he elaborated and you closed your eyes for a moment, praying that no one knew about the kiss besides the two of you. You felt awful for having to dish out how you actually felt and you kind of preferred the drunk version you couldn’t remember now. Something about pushing someone away like that really didn’t feel right.

Jungkook, who had been listening outside, cut the corner to the kitchen just as you were about to open your mouth and reply to Jae, as he smacked the last plate onto the counter without giving you one single look. “Guess you forgot about those as well.”, he stated with a distant voice before he turned around, leaving the kitchen coldly.

With a frown both you and JB looked after him and although you would’ve given anything to follow Jungkook, asking him why he was made, you had to finish the conversation now.

“I have to be honest with you, Jae. I really did enjoy your company and it was never to play any games or ‘play around’. I still enjoy your company but some things have just changed about how I feel and I kind of have developed feelings for someone else. I know this sounds awful and makes me look like an absolute slut but I can’t change how I feel and I just felt like it wouldn’t be fair to pretend something just for the sake of it. I don’t want to be mean and I don’t want to lie or make you feel bad. I just thought that being honest would be the best way to go and I know you, you’re a really good guy. I was hoping you’d understand and I was hoping it wouldn’t mess up the group and everything we do. None of this was ever my intention, I hope you know that.”

After quieting down, Jeabeom just looked at you for a while before sighing and stroking over his neck. With a smile he nodded. “ You’re not a slut, Y/N. You have every right to feel the way you feel. And thank you for being honest. None of this will change how I feel about the group or meeting up with everyone. I don’t hate you or want you to fail with someone else. Just be careful, ok?”, he smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear the way he had done it endless times when the two of you had been out together. With a smile on his face, he buried his hands in his jeans pockets and made his way out of the kitchen, leaving you behind confused about how smoothly the conversation had been going.

Still standing leaned against the sink after a couple of minutes you took a deep breath, putting the rest of the dishes into the dishwasher before grabbing two beers out of the fridge and heading back out.

All of the others were gathered around the table for an intense round of Uno and as you stood next to Jungkook you handed over the beer, offering it to him. He simply raised his hand to refuse your offer without looking at you and left you standing without even properly acknowledging your presence.

With a frown you stood there for a second without understanding what had just happened and while you tried to process it all, you turned over to Jin talking to you, asking if he could have the beer if Jungkook didn’t want it.

With a smile on your face you nodded, handing it over to him although the entire situation still confused you and without having any idea of what was going on, you took a seat on the lounger a bit behind Jungkook, thinking that maybe he was just focused on the game.

“Are you okay?”, you asked quietly after a while as he turned more to talk to Yugyeom but as he looked over to you his face seemed more distant than you had ever seen it.

“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?”, he asked with a straight face and trying to lighten up the mood a bit you chuckled. “I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking. Just making sure.” Jungkook took a closer look at your face for a second before he bent in closer to talk to Yugyeom again, leaving you sitting alone. The way he had silenced you without even saying a word this time was something he had never done before and something in your heart started hurting to an extent, you didn’t think possible.

Something was definitely off and although you couldn`t quite put your finger on what it was, something made you feel very uneasy about the situation, causing you to feel like your throat was closing up. There was a long period of you zoning out, not even noticing the others were there and while trying to put together everything that had happened, you couldn’t help but feel that uneasy feeling taking over so strongly, you felt like choking up in a room full of people.

Looking at Jungkook’s back for a long time, watching him play and laugh with the others, made you feel excluded and pushed off to the side. The fact that this had been the first time he had treated you coldly, you realized how much you depended on him. You always counted on him and for the first time it crossed your mind, that you had been the one taking him for granted.

The thought made your eyes burn and as you felt like the tears were about to come, you left the room to walk out to the kitchen, crossing the room fast to get to the balcony as fast as possible without anyone noticing how off you felt. Blinking the burning tears away, you leaned against the railing, trying to clear your thoughts, forcing yourself to not read into it too much.

For a second it crossed your mind, that Jungkook probably wasn’t even treating you that coldly, that maybe you were just over sensitive because the feeling of uncertainty made you feel on edge all the time. Although you hadn’t been sure how Jungkook felt, for some reason you had never felt like you were alone in all of it but the sudden feeling of being completely alone seemed so overwhelming, you weren’t sure if you could walk back inside.

“Hellooo?” The balcony door opened and a perfectly happy and slightly tipsy Jimin made his way out, smiling brightly. Nothing could ever keep you from returning his smile – Jimin’s smile was probably one of the most sincere ones you had ever seen.

“Hey, Jiminah.”, you smiled and he crinkled his nose, standing right next to you.

“So, I don’t want to be all in your business, but I came to see if you’re okay? I can leave if you want to be alone but I just wanted to make sure you’re not... you know...”, he left his sentence hanging in midair and just smiled at you understanding.

With a shrug you took a deep breath and looked back out over the city lights in front of you. You genuinely didn’t know how you felt. Ready to cry? To leave? To put all of this behind you and just focus on work again?

“Come on.” Jimin grabbed your shoulders carefully, guiding you over to the chairs off to the side and after sitting you down, he pulled in a chair right next to you. He leaned back, stretching out and for a while, both of you seemed to enjoy the silence of your words.

“Are you two fighting?”, he asked after a while, pulling the chair forward a bit and putting his legs up against the glass railing around the balcony.

Looking over at him, your face must’ve given it all away but you were so surprised by the fact that Jimin had even picked up on it, that you didn’t have time to sort out your reaction like you usually did with things involving Jungkook. His calm face made you wonder why you had thought he wouldn’t notice. Jimin was the most attentive one out of all of them, in fact, it could be annoying how accurate his senses and predictions were.

“I don’t know.”, you answered truthfully and played with the strings on your sweater, trying to keep your composure. It was one thing talking to Jimin about it but you really didn’t want to cry and make it obvious how much you really cared.

“Whatever is going on between the two of you at the moment, I’m sure that you can work it out, hm? You always do. It’ll be fine again, don’t worry Y/N.”, he smiled and patted your leg carefully, trying to comfort you.

Not being able to shake the thought that some things didn’t just randomly resolve themselves, you kept those thoughts to yourself and nodded with a forced smile.

Jimin pouted at the sight of you noticeably struggling, and put his hand on your back gently.

“Maybe the two of you just need to stop thinking so much and just... you know?”, he mumbled a little vague and as you turned your head to look at him he smiled at you a little mischievous.

“I’m juuuust saying.”, he smirked. You couldn’t help but laugh a little bit, because of course Jimin knew, he always did.

Sitting in silence for a little longer you let him comfort you with his hand on your back, rubbing it comforting for a while as the silence just seemed to calm you down slowly but surely.

“Did he talk to you about it?”, you simply asked after a while, breaking the silence the two of you had shared. Jimin nodded and smiled over. “Yea, he did.”

The way he said it implied that there had been a lot to talk about and feeling the lump in your throat close up again, you nodded as a response, unable to reply to that.

As a few more moments of silence passed, Jimin took his hand back, folding them in his lap.

“You know, the thing with Jae really messed him up. It really hurt him.”, he mumbled quietly, checking over his shoulder to make sure the balcony door was closed.

“I’m not judging, I know how all of this happened and heck, I even rooted for you and Jae in the beginning, none of this is your fault. I’m just letting you know... He’s been hurting and when the guy followed you to the kitchen earlier, you should’ve seen his face drop across the table. I think he’s genuinely scared you’re going to pick... Yea. It’s not my place to have this conversation but please just be careful, okay? I don’t have to tell you that Jungkook is a pure soul and his heart is right where it should be. I’d be sad if we had to piece it back together, you know?”

After Jimin had finished his speech you could only stare straight ahead at one of the skyscrapers while your eyes started welling up. Wiping the tears off your cheeks with the sleeves of your sweater you stayed silent, knowing that he was right about what he said.

You knew Jungkook was hurt, you knew that you were the one who hurt him.

There had never been any bad intentions from your side. The situation had been unfortunate with how it had unfolded and you had done everything as best as you could. You did everything to protect him and ended up hurting him more.

“Don’t worry about it too much. I’m sure the two of you can figure this out somehow, okay? Chin up. When you come back inside later, we can kick them over playing charades, alright?”, Jimin smiled, wiping over your cheek a little rough but loving. Giving you time to think about it all, he got up and walked back inside, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

Jimin was a true friend for giving you this info when he really didn’t have to, in fact maybe even promised Jungkook to never say a word. It just showed how much he cared about him and how badly he wanted to fix all of this.

So all you could do was sit outside, wondering if you had just blown your one and only shot with the only guy you had ever really wanted to be with.

The silence had been long and you couldn’t have guessed for how long you had been sitting outside when you gently heard the balcony door slide open.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

Hearing his voice out of the blue, his formal tone, made you freeze up on the spot and you were only able to nod. Feeling stupid about sitting outside and crying in silence, you used your sweater sleeves again to wipe the tears off your cheeks.

Pushing the chair Jimin had sat on earlier a little closer to yours, Jungkook took a seat right next to you and after sitting there quietly for a couple of minutes, he eventually reached out, placing his hand on your thigh without saying a word.

Nothing about the way he was touching you was a common thing in your friendship and maybe you should’ve felt nervous and excited but it felt like pure comfort to you. Focusing on the way his thumb was stroking over your leg comforting you tried to calm down your breathing, enjoying not being alone with your feelings and thoughts anymore. Something about Jungkook calmed you down in a way no one else could.

“I’m sorry for being such an idiot earlier.”, he mumbled ruefully, his thumb slowly drawing circles over your leg. The way he said it without looking at you, made you realize how much he cared but ultimately, all it did was making you tear up again.

“I hope you know I never did any of this to hurt you...” The words didn’t even make it past your lips without causing you to choke up again. Clenching your jaw you felt embarrassed for crying in front of him like that. This had been the most emotional conversation the two of you had shared and although you had cried before, it had never been like this and for this reason.

Wiping your cheeks again, a little angry this time, you could feel him placing his hand around your wrist, pulling it down gently.

Admitting to the fact that you had hurt him was like admitting to having feelings for him and once the realization had hit you, the friendship seemed to be hanging on a very thin tread, making your guts twist in a way that made you feel more anxious than ever.

“I know you didn’t...”

The way he looked at you from the side made you so sad, you couldn’t even get yourself to look back at him because of the guilt you were feeling.

“Hey, please look at me.”, he mumbled, turning to face you more, lifting his hand to gently wipe the tears off your chin that had gathered. Something about his soft gesture made it feel like you didn’t deserve him to be nice to you. It almost felt like you didn’t deserve him at all and with a bitter taste in your mouth you tilted your head up, looking to the sky to try and stop crying in front of him.

Jungkook sat next to you in silence and gave you the time you needed to collect yourself. As you turned your head to look over at him, his expression seemed a little heartbroken as he saw you in tears like that.

With a boyish little smile on his face, he wiped a stray tear off your neck. “Hi.”, he mumbled.

Just as you thought you had your tears under control, that little smile of his gave you the rest. The fact that this guy would never be mad at you no matter how much you hurt him, how his eyes scanned over every feature of your face in amazement – all of these things made you feel even weaker for him and feeling like you couldn’t control the tears coming this time, you turned your head away completely as the tears started rolling again.

All of the tension and the stress over the past few months seemed to boil up inside your chest, all of the exhaustion of having to fake a friendship with someone you wanted to be so much more than just a friends with. Him constantly occupying your thoughts, trying to read between the lines, figuring out if he felt the same way...

It had been so exhausting, and finally admitting to it felt like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.

“Y/N...”, he said a little worried, putting a hand around your back hesitantly and as he could feel your slight shaking from the tears, he took a deep breath.

“Come here...”, he mumbled quietly, gently pulling on your arm. Without resisting the slightest bit, you got up, letting him pull you sideways onto his lap. There was no space for thinking about any of this because all you could feel at that moment, was the feeling of him wrapping his arms around you so tightly, that you felt fully embraced in his hug. He pulled you in, letting you lean against his chest as both of his arms wrapped around you and as you turned your head to the side, you rested it at the crock of his neck, feeling the hot tears drop off your cheeks onto his skin.

Although you didn’t feel like crying anymore, you let the tears roll onto his neck and shirt, letting out everything that you had been holding in for the longest time. All you wanted was to feel comforted and Jungkook was the only one to give you that feeling of being at home.

Running his hands over your back comforting, he didn’t complain about you sitting on his lap once, although the two of you seemed to be sitting there for an eternity.

“I’m not going anywhere, you hear me? No need to cry, nae sarang.”, he mumbled quietly and just as those words started unfolding in your brain, you bent back a little bit to be able to see his face. You weren’t entirely sure if you had heard it correctly and as he raised his hands to wipe over your cheeks carefully, the smile on his face led you to believe that he did say it out loud.

Sitting there, looking at him you realized that this had been the closest the two of you had ever been, not only physically. Lifting your hand hesitantly, you brushed a loose strand of hair aside, that was falling into his eyes, tracing your fingertips over his temple softly.

Jungkook’s smile seemed to fade, his expression suddenly becoming more serious as he as well noticed the close proximity between the two of you.

Watching him carefully, you could see his cheeks turning pink once the realization had set in and with a nervous look on his face, he lifted his hand to brush his thumb over your jaw gently. The nervous look on his face made you smile a little bit.

Jungkook felt his body tensing up, like heat was rushing through his entire body and he was praying his cheeks weren’t as red and hot as he feared them to be.

Something about you made him loose his composure and although he would consider himself a straight forward kind of guy, for some reason it didn’t seem to work when it involved you.

A sudden fear of being way too bold, made him pull back his hand almost in shock, realizing how much he had been risking doing what he had been wanting to do.

The sudden fear of losing you for being so close was so overwhelming it made him want to step back and give you space so you wouldn’t feel like he was forcing himself on you.

Little did he know, that he was exactly what you wanted. From the top of his hair that looked so soft and fluffy if he didn’t style them, to the way he scrunched up his nose when you called him out for being cute. The way he was rocking his foot when he was nervous, the way he closed his eyes sometimes while humming in the car – all of these things were what you wanted.

Jungkook’s ears turned bright red as he saw the expression on your face. There was no way you weren’t sharing his exact thoughts, longing to be closer.

He had seen your expression countless of times but never ever had you looked at him in that way. Like you wanted him to be there, like you wanted him to come closer.

Feeling a nervous shiver run down the back of his spine, he chuckled embarrassed, tilting his head to the side in order to not have to withstand the expecting look on your face. Seeing him so shy and reserved all of a sudden made you tingle all over and the feeling of a tensing stomach made you not want to take your eyes off of him so the feeling could last forever.

After a few moments had passed without any actions from either of you, you got up, not wanting to sit on his legs for too long because it must’ve been heavy. Just as you tried to wipe under your eyes to make sure there was no smudged make up, Jungkook felt absolute panic. He immediately stood up, looking at you to make sure he hadn’t missed it – the perfect moment.

He was scared he had been too shy, too indecisive and you didn’t feel like waiting. What if you had gotten up not even wanting him close? Was he wrong for feeling how he felt? After looking up at his almost frantic expression, you had to chuckle. You couldn’t believe that this guy was really assuming you’d be walking away after everything that had just happened and with a smile on your lips, you brushed another strand of hair out of his forehead, gently brushing over his soft skin.

Jungkook seemed to take a deep breath to relax, straightening out his shoulders and for a brief moment you could see the determination in his eyes as if he was willing to give himself a push.

You could see him leaning in gently and just as you were about to close your eyes, you could hear the balcony door smash open so loudly, forcing you to twitch together and step back.

“Sorry for interrupting, but you’re both missing three drunk people who lost a bet and have to dive into the pool half naked.”

BamBam had grabbed Jungkook’s shoulders, pushing him towards the door to drag him inside and as he was pushed, Jungkook looked over his shoulder to you, the regret of everything that had happened plastered all over his face.

Judging from the shock you felt in your bones, your face must’ve looked quite similar.

If you’ve managed to read this far, I’d be more than thankful if you could like and reblog my chapter if you enjoyed it! If you have any suggestions for improvement or any drabble requests - make sure to shoot me a message!

thank you so much for reading and I hope you’ll enjoy reading the next chapter as well! 💖

150 notes · View notes