#remember that post i made that mentioned my personal experience with sudden traumatic death in my death note analysis? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

deathlygristly · 1 year ago

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I've been checking the notes on that marriage post and people keep saying that it's impossible to know yourself in your early 20s? How does that work?

I am trying to remember a time that I did not know myself. Since we just started planning the trip to Gatlinburg, I am trying to remember how I felt when my mother and I went when I was somewhere in the preteen to early teen stage.

Readmore because it's just me talking to myself about something that I'm the only person interested in.

I remember I was reading a Charles Dickens book. I think it was Oliver Twist, but it may have been another one? Pickwick Papers is my favorite and I would reread it fairly often but I don't know. When I try to remember being in the car during that trip and sitting on the balcony of the hotel room with the river below I get a distinctly Oliver Twist feel, like I think I remember reading the scene where Bill kills Nancy.

I tried googling just now for what does it mean to not know yourself, and I saw things about likes and dislikes and values? I remember liking to read, I remember liking the book, I remember liking sitting on the balcony and listening to the river. I remember feeling empathy for the characters in the book and knowing that it was wrong for them to be mistreated and exploited.

I saw an article about how it's harder for kids with nonsupportive parents to develop an identity and to know who they are. I don't know. Maybe it's that I got lucky with the particular ways my mother's lines between traumatizing and supporting behavior fell out?

Like yeah, my mother would on occasion randomly explode and start screaming and hitting and choking me, but on other occasions...well, like I just posted recently about her complimenting the horse I made in Sims 4. She's always strongly believed in individuality and non-conformity and doing what you want to do and being yourself.

I have a journal I wrote in second grade, and I don't know, it seems to me like second grade me knew herself pretty well and had values and likes and dislikes, with her rant about people using their mouths for a force against goodness and her consistent across time insistence that she would be a writer. Although I do laugh at the entry about how I hated the teacher putting up journal prompts because I wanted to write what I wanted to write followed by an entry about how there was no prompt that day and I didn't know what to do.

The article also mentioned culture and religion, so maybe I also lucked out with the not being exposed to much religion and my home culture being pretty much "Do what you want but don't be an asshole."

Also I always bring up both of us losing a parent to a sudden death before we were 18 in this discussion because to me it seems pretty relevant. I read things by people who still have both parents on up into their 20s and 30s, and I will admit that the way they often seem to think seems very childlike to me. Like they're still tiny babies just beginning to live and to think and to feel and to experience things.

Please note I would never ever ever say this to their face or in their online space, but sometimes I read an essay by someone in their mid to late 30s or even older who just lost a parent for the first time and I'm like...you live like this? You spent decades thinking that life is forever and always safe and you're just now realizing that death is a thing and that existence is always changing? It's weird and unsettling.

But to be fair, it's clear that on their side they find me weird and unsettling.

Anyway, yeah, I don't understand humans other than the spousal person and my very close friends very well, nothing new to see here.

#child abuse mention #just me talking to myself

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steve0discusses · 5 years ago

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Yugioh S4 Ep 11: Rafael’s Lian Yu Experience

Ah, lets tune into Yugioh where Duke has decided to do some off-roading in the worst car and in the worst place.

Ah yes, the normal interaction you would have with a desert and your expensive vintage car. Duke has been struggling since he became a protagonist to stick to a defining trope. Now that Serenity is gone, and now that they aren’t watching a duel for Duke to be a downer about, I guess his only other tick is that he sucks at driving?

Again there was a perfectly serviceable truck back at the RV but they just really like to put miles on this car (which doesn’t have it’s lights on I believe, which...good job, Duke).

And he just launches these two inexplicably out of the car. Because Yugi might be losing his whole damn soul on the other end of this desert, but we will have cartoon shenanigans, damn it.

It really does look like Dukes looking through the wrong side of his binoculars here...that extra level of Duke.

Speaking of extra level, hows that horse thing going? Where Yugi is riding a horse for the first time in his entire life?

Because, apparently the show has decided that Yami should be really good at horses (????????). He can’t read any Egyptian, he doesn’t have any memories of his Pharaoh life, he can barely use magic, but apparently, he can game a horse. Only problem, is that this art team of high octane vehicle enthusiasts seems totally unaware of how horses work---I’ll just show you. This scene GOES places, and I will absolutely record it so you can watch it in it’s entirety in a separate post.

(see more horse under the cut)

The horses leg didn’t move the entire slide down the mountain y’all, he just stuck one hoof in front of him and power-slid down a freakin cliff like he was wearing horse Wheelies.

What the Hell?

Anyway, welcome to our new dueling platform.

You wouldn’t believe it, but it’s on a very tall thing. I know, in this show? They’re dueling on a tall thing? Whaaaaat?

This is a hilariously weirdly perfectly cylindrical land mass 10/10.

So Rafael’s whole deal is so freakin weird.

Rafael’s a weirdo. I was ready for Alister, since Alister introduced himself in a Maximilian Pegasus suit, but I just wasn’t expecting Rafael to be the weirdEST youknow? Of the three? Like he’s up there with Arcana and the band-saw ankle-slicing machine. Just a really choice human being who makes really good decisions.

God bless this artist’s obsession with edgy cargoes.

Anyways, another fun fact about Rafael is he gets more and more jacked with every single frame it feels--his muscles are like the quality to go fight Cell, but all he does is play cards.

Also he’s obsessed with justifying mass murder on a global scale so...he seems a little bit like an X-men villain in that way, except he’s...just a normal ass dude who got really buffed.

Rafael needs a reason to want to destroy all humanity--that’s really the big dilemma that the writing crew was given, but the way they got there...was a lot.

Lets dive right into it, starts off kind of normal, run of the mill “gotta cleanse the world yada yada” and then just starts somersaulting down a steep hill like in Princess Bride.

First of all, the show decides to reveal to us the entire story via a Rebecca google search, and then, once we’re like WTF? we get to hear it in it’s entirety and it is way weirder the second time.

So um...this Titanic cruise ship.

Yeah. I know. That’s a lot of Princess Peach dresses.

(welcome back, glass of OJ that every child on this show drinks with every meal)

Honestly there is no greater curse in this show than being rich. If you’re a rich dude you are SCREWED. Some force of nature is going to come for you just at any possible moment. You will get abducted....MANY TIMES. You will lose your parents, repeatedly. Your wife will die shortly after marriage. Some asshole will walk up and just remove your eyeball and replace it with a magic golf ball. You will never be the best at cards. Just never be rich in the Yugioh universe. It is better to be dead.

Speaking, of dead--just did a Rebecca-brand google search--do you know how many people fit on an average cruise liner?

It’s more than you think.

Woooooooooooooooooooooo that’s about 3000 people! Just nonchalantly! (and yo, I went mid-range, some cruise liners carry like 6000)

We passed so many 69��s just now!

Now there is some weird issues with this episode where Rebecca was like “The only survivor was Rafael” and then later, Rafael mentions his family is still alive--kinda sounds like the translation shenanigans are back at it, where the English version is desperately trying to keep people from dying, but like, the Japanese version drew a 600 ft tidal wave that ate up this cruise-liner like it was a bathtub toy made of paper.

But sure, maybe some escape boats made it out safely from a catastrophe that is 800 times worse than the Titanic. Sure they did.

PS History Channel got into a weird trend in the 00′s where they used to do these series of rogue wave horror stories--do you remember those? Anyways, one of my friends got super spooked by rogue waves and had it as one of her top ten fears. At the time I was like “lol you’re not gonna get rogue waved on a cruise are you kidding?” But then again, maybe she watched Yugioh and this episode scarred her for life?

Especially since this crazy traumatic experience was followed by three years of being stranded on an island and going COMPLETELY insane. Like not just...partial--Rafeal has absolutely no grip on reality anymore. Like, at all. He’s on another plane from most other Yugioh villains.

It’s like Lord of the Flies but there’s only one person in it. The Lord of the Fly.

This is a kid’s show.

Anyways, on the island, Rafael got hella jacked. So there was that one plus. He did eventually become a very huge person in his adulthood, although he did get a Mokuba haircut for a little while. This honestly says more about Mokuba’s hair routine than anything else.

He also spent some time seeing his lost family members as these three cards that he likes to pray to. Occasionally they fall into the ocean and he has to dry them off. Rafael lived a kind of boring weird life cycling between hallucinations and staring into the ocean.

The show didn’t bother to tell us what Rafael was eating or explain how that outfit lasted 3 years. But, they did describe that after 3 ENTIRE YEARS, Darts decided to just start harassing him.

Which...OK...and then there was this next sequence

I mean this was the only interaction that Rafael had in three years so maybe he forgot that getting drowned by people who harness the power of the ocean isn’t like...good behavior?

Anyways, back in the real world, in the city and wearing his hot topic grunge vest well into his early 30′s, Rafael decided that everyone just...deserves to die. Traffic sucks. Cities sucks. There’s too much crime. Everyone should be dead. It was very strange and sudden twist. You go from having all the money in the world, to no money, and then back to all the money and it’s like “Central heating SUCKS! KILL EVERYONE!”

Then Rafael made this mention of his family that has to be a translation thing.

Those guys have got to be dead. I mean this is Yugioh. There were no survivors. I’ll be very surprised if they pop up next episode, I’ll even dock them off the Death Count if they never died, I am that certain they won’t still be dead in this upcoming arc. They have clearly been replaced with paper cards. Like I wouldn’t be surprised if their souls were somehow inside these particular cards he carries.

I didn’t cap it, but to walk on the island you walk across a glowing oricalchos bridge and it was very goofy.

And then these guys showed up, reminding me again that they are still on this show, because tbh, I completely forgot.

I kinda miss when they were the weirdest people here and I just thought Rafael was another boring guy in handlebar muttonchops.

Anyway, it’s a short update today. I’m a little behind on things in other places, so that’s fine by me. I keep hoping that soon I’ll be back to doing like 2 of these a week. Especially since I recently decided to start blocking twitter and other places I’ve been wasting a little too much time on, maybe then it’ll funnel my efforts to here? We’ll see. Next episode we’ll find out how long all of these guys wearing jackets in the desert are faring.

And here’s a link to read these from the beginning.

#yugioh #yu gi oh #photo recap #episode recap #yugi muto #raphael #rex and weevil #tea gardner #rebecca hawkins #joey wheeler #tristan taylor #duke devlin #how to completely destroy your expensive car #S4 #Ep11

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myaekingheart · 4 years ago

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So, I was informed yesterday of an unexpected death in the family--a distant family member who I didn’t really know very well personally, but my parents knew him better so my mom especially was sad. I may not have known him, but he knew me at least in the sense of knowing my parents. He would comment nice things on posts my mom had made about me and stuff, so that coupled with the knowledge of his sudden death have had me a little fucked up all day and it definitely informed the strange dreams I had last night.

First, I was in what was meant to be my grandparents’ house. It looked nothing like their actual house but I just automatically understood that that was where I was. My grandfather, who passed away in 2014 (his death was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life and has led to me actually becoming pretty necrophobic), was brought back to life but was then told he only had 2 days to live before he’d die again. He didn’t look sick at all during this time we spent with him, however, which was probably for the best. My parents, aunts and uncles, and myself all were at their “house” for dinner to spend some time with him before his second death. We got to catch up with him about what he had missed in the past six years. And then him and my grandmother were about to leave and I remember standing in the driveway looking up at him like I was a child again, and I told him I was getting married and I got to hug him super tight. The last thing he said to me before getting in the car and driving off was “I love you, Amanda.”

SO AT THIS RATE I’M CRYING BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK. I’ve had dreams about my grandpop in the past that always feel like this, like visiting his spirit in the afterlife or in the unconscious space between living and dead or something and it’s always super jarring but this time specifically just UGH MY FEELINGS. I am in pain.

Then the dream transitioned into visiting this very weird, cheap indoor knockoff of Epcot. The whole building had that feeling of clearly being old, like built in the 1960s or 1970s. Like when you step foot in one of the buildings on Main Street in Disney World and you can just tell everything there was built like 50 years ago. The entryway had a wide but short stairway into the main hall through which you walked to visit the different countries. It started with Greece and I remember banners hanging from the ceiling. The whole place also kind of had the same vibe as my local church’s event hall. But anyways, Greece was hardly anything, and then there was a Japanese tea room that looked like a cheap American attempt at capturing Japan. All I remember were red and white banners hanging from the ceilings and women dressed like geishas serving tea at round tables with cheap white tablecloths. Then there was Russia. One room was more of an alcove or indoor amphitheater hybrid where you walked down some shallow stairs and there was a little scene with snow and a little kid ice-fishing. There was another room set up similarly that had a very creepy set of animatronics meant to be the Romanov family dancing like at a ball, but nothing about the atmosphere itself screamed “ballroom.” The walls were this unforgiving pale blue-ish gray and the carpets were crunchy and old and a slightly darker shade than the wall. I remember everyone was wearing bright and tacky yellow and turquoise clothing, too, like a take on Bluth’s Anastasia from the Once Upon a December scene. The animatronics themselves were absolutely terrifying with Resusci-Anne-esque faces. The most detailed of all the countries, however, was Germany. Once you reached that portion of the building, there were rosemaling-esque murals on the wall (which I know is Norway and not Germany but fight me, my unconscious brain is dumb) and forest green shingled awnings to represent some pretend housing structures or something. While in Germany, suddenly everything became academic. I found myself in a private school uniform (plaid pleated skirt, gray blazer, white button down, probably loafers and knee high socks) sitting on a wooden bench in a rounded dead-end corner where there were a handful of classroom doors. There was something said about something bad having happened to my math teacher, who looked exactly like Bea Arthur but was not, but that she was coming back so we just had to wait a little while or something. While I was sitting on the bench waiting, my senior year math teacher showed up and we were talking about something I can’t remember. I think at one point during this time, I had mentioned something about planning to go get my engagement ring resized or something because it kept spinning and sliding off (which, ironically enough, I had to take it off to type this up because it was spinning violently and my grouchy ass got so frustrated, I nearly chucked it out a window because I couldn’t type with it on). When I brought this up to my math teacher, however, she insisted against getting it resized though I can’t remember why. Then I was by myself again on the bench but I had a handheld white board. I was practicing sketching figures on it before I got called someplace and had to leave, so I remember crouching down in front of the bench with a black dry erase marker and gold metallic permanent marker and quickly writing some message onto the white board for the next person to find. I don’t remember exactly what I said in full, except that the first part was “Take care of yourself” and the tone of the message overall was something positive about self-care. Then I ran off and I was back in the Germany section of old, fake, indoor Epcot again. There was a rendition of the Oktoberfest restaurant which was actually pretty decent, like it looked pretty close to the real thing except that it was snowing inside so it also had a slight aura of A Christmas Carol. I distinctly remember a young male waiter pulling a metallic brass pole like the kind that line ride queues out of the fake brick ground and readjusting it in it’s little hole. Then there was a makeshift theater in what was either Italy or Greece, I can’t remember. It was a terrible looking theater, though. Same unforgiving blue-ish gray walls and crunchy old carpet. The walls were so tall, too, which made me feel tiny and powerless. They were projecting an old movie onto the one wall, but they didn’t turn any of the lights off. I’m pretty sure the seats were just a bunch of those business-y chairs they have in church event halls and school assembly halls and principal’s offices. The gray ones with no arms and scratchy fabric seats and backs that have zero cushion whatsoever. I went into this theater with my parents where we took a seat right in the front and watched a very weird vintage montage film. The only scene that I specifically remember was a young man with blonde hair and a toned physique who I guess was supposed to resemble Apollo flying through the air as if on a zipline ass naked with drum tied around his waist which he was beating consistently with his penis. How he had that much control over his dick so as to bang a drum with it, I don’t know. Right after this, the theater was interrupted (not in a terrifying way, however) by the Sanderson sisters from Hocus Pocus. They were holding either red solo cups or Styrofoam cups likely filled with beer and were drunk off their asses. And that’s just about the last thing I remember.

#weird dreams #ramblings

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youdecode · 5 years ago

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Why am I shy? [19 Shocking Signs of Shyness & 3 Effortless Solutions]

Why am I shy? I can’t hold a conversation with anyone [Secrets how to improve conversation skills]

“People won’t like me because I’m too . . .

I don’t know how to overcome shyness. People hate me because I lack confidence.”

Don’t worry this post will make you get rid of these thoughts, while fashioning you into a confident individual.

Well, what exactly is shyness?

It is a multifaceted condition which actually has a lot of variations . . . what what what did you say?

Let’s trash fanciness.

Being shy is that uncomfortable feeling which consumes your soul and body in any situation.

You will have social difficulties because you are worried about how you will face people. There is a scale of shyness.

It may be the case that you are slightly shy.

You appear to be charming in front of people but sometimes it is very severe.

A case where you are not even properly able to present yourself.

Want to know why?

Well what should I tell you and what should I not.

There are several ways which contributed to your behavior and it is perfectly normal.

Yes, it is normal to behave in that way but . . .

Yeah, here comes the “but” part . . . such conditions will always hinder your way of realizing your actual worth.

You need to understand that shyness is not your problem.

But a greater problem lies within you which results in shyness that is what you need to eradicate.

Signs you have been growing up shy ?

Let’s see the basic root which is hollowing you from within and making you so anxious.

First of all, you have to see or better say CONFIRM that you are not confident:

You love the idea of avoiding people

You are least interested in meeting new people

Your brain will signal The Haunting thoughts if you will have to work alone in a single room and then mingle

Intimidation can easily occupy you. When? Well, if by any chance you have to interact with people of higher authority. Didn’t get what I meant? For instance: You need your professor to reconsider your grade. Only the thought of that meeting will terrify your soul.

Hesitation befriends you if by any chance you have to interact with someone you want to impress.

Fear of being watched or fear of being judged

You will hate if someone asks, “Hey hello, can you just click our picture?”

Lack of self-confidence will want the earth to swallow you alive. That feeling of being put on the spot makes you feel like puking. Thus, you will never try risking flashy clothes. Just because that will grab the attention of several eyes

Flopped around a table in a family gathering, someone asks you about any incident. And then you are forced to share that story which lacks confidence . . . You will want to dive straight into your blanket. But before that, you will want to strangle that very person Till death.

‘Can you help me in shifting me next week?’ you politely nod in acceptance. Whereas your inner soul is yelling at you to overcome shyness. It is reminding you that you have tons and tons of work this weekend. How can you say yes? That is simply being assertive. You don’t feel yourself.

Rather than confronting someone you will laugh away if someone teases you

Tring tring . . . Yes, your phone rings. Again you lost confidence. It is an unknown number you will like what I should do. Oh my God, who is that behind the phone. Your soul will divorce your body if you will have to talk over the phone or leave any voicemail.

You are surrounded by a group of friends but you are tongue-tied. Yes, you have not added a single you know why? Let’s admit with a nod. A fear of being judged. An inner voice is tearing you apart, “why am I not confident” or “what if someone doesn’t like your comment.” And guess what? You don’t want to take a risk. Be yourself is all that you can do. You own a prevailing sentiment of an uneasy discontent, inner insecurity, low self esteem and fear of oneself.

You are well aware about your low self esteem but afraid to acknowledge it.

You don’t know how to be yourself and try too hard so people actually like you.

Sometimes, you begin to seem way too outgoing in an attempt to compensate for that lack of confidence. Fear overtakes you that your self image might surface anytime. Not caring about the idea, “respect yourself”.

You show that you fear rejection. Busy in protesting,, you adorn a needy behavior.

Crippling anxiety makes you hypersensitive. An idea clings to you that only hostility prevails around you everywhere.

You don’t believe in self value thus it is so easy for you to second guess the meaning of someone’s casual comment

Immediate symptoms of losing confidence:

Do you want to know the immediate symptoms which burst in such anxious situations?

Lost confidence will make your heart skip a beat

Perspiration will roll off

A blush will toss across your face

A feeling of nausea will strike you up

Lacking confidence will make you feel a put down on your stomach as muscle twitches.

Nervousness around people will make your swallowing feel like intense one. Well, you will feel butterflies in your stomach, dancing around.

Those were just a few signs.

They may touch your existence during certain social situations!

Don’t be like I hate myself, how do I change?

Let me remind you that it is completely normal to feel shy, insecure or socially anxious.

But you will not agree more that it is not at all a helpful process or a fun-filled condition to be in.

There are certain emotions that can trouble you more than the other emotions.

So simply admit that “YES” shyness is driving you crazy.

So let’s together hush this sentiment and learn how to overcome shyness.

But before that, we need to sink in a little deeper and strangle the real cause of our shyness.

Let’s go easy on yourselves but hard on these factors:

You may be shy because of your :

Biological system: You are hypersensitive as your arousal system is designed that way.

Personality traits: Your temperament is of being less social.

Environmental conditions: Your family has always discouraged you or compared you with others . . . causing self dislike.

Past traumatic experiences: You might have been bullied in the past. Thus you say I don’t like my personality.

Sudden shift of life : Major job change/competition or other family responsibilities.

Different life challenges : What if I hate myself for being victimized, rejected or teased in many ways. Scan this article if you ever questioned why I hate myself.

How to deal with social anxiety?

Now we can’t just let shyness dance around.

Instead, we have to treat it by taking a proper step and see how to work on social anxiety.

But before taking any step on how to overcome shyness you need to train your brain.

Oh wow, that rhymes!

Listen to the voice inside your head which is screaming that you may not be fully ready for a change of overcoming social anxiety: step by step yet.

There is a hundred percent chance that your heart is holding a grudge against the idea of any change.

Remember that any motivational speech can make your spring out from your own ability.

It can wash away all your fears and position you as a confident and powerful individual.

But remember that, it will be just the stab of dismay.

Yes, it will for sure get you super hyped for a day or two, giving you a feeling of a changed individual but then . . .

Your step will sink back to your old self. How to actually overcome this problem?

By setting a goal, a sense of urgency of overcoming social awkwardness.

A proper routine of training in overcoming shyness.

Hating oneself won’t help. Your every muscle needs training, so does your mind.

And that training should not be for one day or two.

You need to at least give a month’s time to finish off that horrible sense of insecurity . . .

And that very helpless anger that simmers inside you every time you shy away from your situation.

Deep inside your head, you need to get interested in your own self while being comfortable with yourself.

Bear in mind. . .

By following just a few steps you can say no to shyness forever.

No, I won’t say this. Well, why?

Because I hate to claim such things . . . until someone actually with the utmost dedication of heart surrenders.

There is not just one technique that could eradicate your shyness forever.

But with patience worthy of admiration.

With sincere efforts of practical steps, you can surely say bye bye to low-key life. And overcome shyness.

Journey of how to regain confidence

Once you get started then no one in the journey can actually make you trace back to your old self.

All I’m asking you is to break your goals into manageable chunks.

You will experience little hiccups in the process.

But they will not discourage you in any way because you have already begun your journey with this blog post.

Bear in mind that I will not give you generic solutions like overcome avoidance and do this and do that . . .

I won’t say acknowledge your goals, be patient, be calm and blah blah blah.

Instead, I will guide you practically.

Your first video must be titled as day 1 and then so on. I have discussed a lot about video now. What will you actually shoot?

You will shoot:

How bicycles littered the road, stones took up the end walls, and flowers introduced colors everywhere.

Kidding!

Instead, you will shoot the milestones mentioned below:

Brainwash yourself : Let go of past

Now every time you try to experience a different version of yourself that haunting reflection of the past drains your brain.

Well, we all have done something stupid in our past for which we are guilty of.

And that is completely alright.

But hanging to that mistake is not alright.

Because that will not let you move on and the past will hug you wherever you go.

This will diminish your capacity to realize the importance of self love and high self esteem.

You need to realize that without lifting the weight of extreme self hatred . . .

You will not be able to become a confident individual who lives life to the fullest.

So you have to make a list of all those situations which made you less confident . . . and refrained you from positive self regard.

It can be any specific social situation where you struggled with strong confidence.

Write down all the thoughts which you experienced and the causes of self hatred.

Now fold that paper, take your lighter, Burn It Up and flush it into your washroom. Don’t forget to make the video in the process.

Yes, flush off everything which made you say I despise myself.

You have to understand your fears and insecurities when you don’t like yourself.

But the more important thing is you need to understand what you love about yourself.

Start liking yourself and eliminate the idea of not liking yourself.

How ?

You have to write a list of 100 things which you love about yourself.

Now you must be like oh my god hundred I can nearly name 10.

But trust me 100 is very less you deserve more. If you cannot come up then make it your next goal. Help people around and write the situation down in detail.

From making someone cross the road till bandaging the wounded animal . . . whatever.

Frame that list and put it up on the wall.

Witness that frame while throwing a smile at yourself every morning in the mirror and you know what?

It is enough to fall in love with yourself, as you have proved to yourself that you are better than you thought.

Don’t find the opportunity to change rather create an opportunity of confident living.

Ability has nothing to do with opportunity, so you must create the path yourself.

Warning:

Are you thinking that my ideas are stupid?

Shush that thought as once you implement them you will build a boost in self power.

You will understand the basic principle of life: how to make yourself feel full.

There is no accomplishment in being sane.

You have to search for insane ways and make your way up to where the sky’s the limit.

Hunt Around The Town [One of confidence building exercises]

First of all, you have to click a picture of any pet or be it your own and print it out.

Then all you have to do is hunt Around The Town for that being in the picture.

The best solution to social anxiety!

Go crazy and ask people that have they ever seen that little pup around littering the space!

Make crazy stories about you and your puppy and go around the town sharing that.

This activity can be done for just 30 minutes or a whole night. Grab your best friend who could go with you and click your video for the milestone.

What will this do to you?

Great question . . .

It will solve your problem of avoidance. You tell me how many parties you have actually avoided people and the conversation at the moment.

You have always avoided the interactions.

Why? Because they sound very difficult and unpleasant to you.

But with this crazy yet cool act, you are managing your anxiety of avoiding people, this is how to overcome shyness.

As you are throwing yourself into a scenario.

If you really want to get rid of lacking confidence then you need to break the habit of avoiding people.

Fear of the people will not spare your soul.

You will be regaining confidence and feel relief once you make this intentional encounter of people.

You can randomly ask a stranger about your lost puppy by making stories of your lost love.

The strangers will surely show concern.

You know what? you will then drill the idea that people are not bad.

So you need to open up a little and begin the strings of conversation.

The best part is that they won’t judge you as they are complete strangers.

All the feeling of lacking confidence or being uncomfortable when around people will fade away.

So practice this insanity anywhere anytime but please do.

You will not only overcome shyness.

But you will feel energetic as it will teach you how to be more talkative.

You will be beating anxiety, all excited while having fun in the process.]

Learn to get angry [when it’s just right]

Yes, you need to learn how to overcome shyness by showing anger to others.

Sometimes politeness better says, “over politeness” can become the cause of your shyness.

So you need to let go growing up shy and surface your anger in front of anyone who has ever hurt you.

If you experience the feelings of inadequacy then show it.

Confrontation is very important, that is how to regain confidence.

After the confrontation, you can try having lunch with someone who annoyed you in the past.

Let that person see that there is something different in new . . . something has surely changed.

Let that person wonder:

How that tamed individual got guts to first confront and then invite me to dinner?

You have to overcome your shyness in this way.

The answer to how to improve yourself.

Only three things for now . . . IMPLEMENT AND RECORD.

You will surely ditch your shyness.

What next?

Well, you love when people love you right?

You can increase the love you accumulate by knowing the secrets of how to talk to talk to anyone.

TELL ME WHAT DO YOU PLAN? Your time starts now 1 2 3 go!

The post Why am I shy? [19 Shocking Signs of Shyness & 3 Effortless Solutions] appeared first on You Decode.

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drink-n-watch · 6 years ago

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Here we are, the penultimate episode, and I’m already a little sad. As much as I’m going to miss this surprisingly loveable little show, I think I might miss our after reviewing tradition even more. OK maybe not more, it really is a very sweet show, but just as much!

It’s been great! I hope you’ve felt as creatively free as I have!

Crow (crowsworldofanime.com) and I have been pretty united in out praise of Zombieland Saga so far but this was an odd episode. Let’s see if the trend can stay true to the end. Not that I’m teaching you guys anything but Crow is bold man.

Well, bold-ish…

this is meta, why is Zombieland showing me watching the show?

Straight off the bat, this episode was a bit of a gamble for Zombieland. Not that it’s unusual to have the before last episode take a tonal turn, it’s actually fairly common. However, this week’s Zombieland wasn’t only uncharacteristically sober, it reframed the main character into something that may not be as likable to the core audience. Effectively throwing out a lot of character clichés and even robbing Sakura of any real redemption arc. Any feelings about the narrative shuffle?

You’ve honed in on exactly the part of the episode that left me feeling uneasy — at least, emotionally jolted. Sakura’s despair and self-reproach are almost too familiar! And at the same time, those apparent failures in her life, and her reaction to them, robbed her of the ability to understand something important: That she really helped those old ladies. That she really had friends who rooted for her. The insight changed how we have to interpret the entire Sakura arc, and it also raises an important psychological “what if…” But let’s leave that for later.

sort of…

As soon as the episode started I got excited. Last week’s cliffhanger was one of the best I’ve seen in a while and I couldn’t wait to see how they were going to resolve it with so little time left. I never expected them to play it straight. Although, I’m not sure what I expected at all.

You and me both! The show’s conditioned me to expect subtle irreverence at every turn, but this time, they plowed straight ahead.

Sakura has lost her memories of being a zombie but remembers her life. Which turns out to be frustrating and unsatisfying. Moreover, her traumatic death is just the last straw in what she considers an utter failure of a life. Completely demoralized, Sakura more or less shuts down, and pushes everyone and everything else away.

she’s pretty much always like this

The opening scenes, with Sakura freaking out over the zombies, were a nice way to call back to episode 1 and bookend the series though. Even the visuals were parallel.

And, of course, she just had to meet Tae first! And Tae has such a gentle way of saying “Good morning!”

Saki looked so worried about Sakura and it was adorable!

All of their reactions were just heartbreaking!

agreed

I must say, that was an impressively down to earth portrayal of depression. It was a bit obvious, although I’m not sure they could have done otherwise considering the time constraints, but it was also unflinching. There was something weirdly admirable about Zombieland’s resolve to not just let Sakura magically snap out of it.

That’s another aspect that left me feeling so unsettled — and I don’t mean that in a bad way. It was too spot on. But given who Sakura is, and given what this show’s presented so far, I can think of only a handful of other shows that could trigger this kind of reaction.

this framing is brilliant

Equally laudable, in my opinion, was the grim repercussions on Saki, Junko and Lily who attempted to help.These situations don’t just affect one person, they affect everyone around as well. And they affected them all in different ways. This was far from a flattering depiction of Sakura but sometimes, when you fall far enough, you just don’t have the strength to empathise anymore.

I couldn’t believe how bad I felt for the others as they tried to help her! Especially Saki and poor Lily! For Lily to go from “Before you said you thought that star and my smile were cute!” to sobbing uncontrollably into her pillow drove home a critical point: That until now, these zombie idols have supported each other; and now that one of those pillars of support is crumbling, all of them are in turmoil.

and the repetition makes it truly special

Once again, Zombieland Saga is tackling a fairly serious and not at all funny subject openly and resisting the urge to turn it into farce. I really didn’t expect any of this when I started the show!

I remember the old M*A*S*H series. Great comedy for its time, but because of the comedic expectations, it had an opportunity to make powerfully dramatic points — as long as they didn’t do it too often. I get that vibe from this show!

You know what, I see it now. I loved M*A*S*H (use to watch reruns with my folks). That cutting sensibility is very much like Zombieland!

most of us feel this way

After having hurt the people closest to her (and having them retreat helpless, not knowing what to do), Sakura just aimlessly wanders the night ending up in a park.

Here we see the return of the creepy police officer. He didn’t really have much to do other than once again instill the feeling of déjà vue. But just like everything else this week, the familiar scene played out completely differently. The downtrodden and hurt Sakura was almost pleading to be shot. A sort of balm to her intangible pain. The entire thing was extremely unsettling and yet, oddly pretty.

I remember thinking it was tragically beautiful.

this scene was delicae, poignant and solemnly meaningful…

I should have realized it sooner of course. Sakura has always been a bit helpless after all. I should have seen that she was being set up as a damsel in distress. Still, such an unusual distress for anime.

In the end though, Sakura at her worst, brought our Kotarou at his best. Manager made his glorious entrance in the nick of time. Knocking out the cop (that poor guy has to have some long term brain damage by now) and swooping in to save the day.

Maybe that’s why he’s so creepy? One (or ten) too many blows to the head?

he’s had a few shocks

Manager has never been that great with words. It’s part of the gag. And although Zombieland played the scene seriously, he still wasn’t exactly inspiring. Sakura was more confused than motivated. This said, there was enough feeling, care and passion behind his words to at least give her something to latch onto!

May favourite line of dialogue was manager exclaiming “It doesn’t matter if you don’t have it, because I do!” The I’m good enough to make you good pep talk is not what we usually hear and I loved it. Would have worked on me! How about you?

It would have been so unexpected that it’d have a good chance at loosening my defenses. And did you catch how the show played with the trope of the voice of reason (the manager, in this case) storming off to let the main character wallow in a miserable soliloquy? Just as Sakura is descending into a self-loathing speech, Koutarou startles her with “Yeah, you thought I was done, huh?” Loved it. This show knows how to teeter right on the edge of melodrama!

surprisingly, that might be true

One of the few straight up jokes in this episode, was Yuguri dressing up in full geisha get up, and looking mightily impressive I might add, just to realize Sakura’s already left. I really would have loved to see Yuuri in that outfit longer. Any thoughts?

My first thought was the typical male response. I mean, Good Lord, she looked amazing! But then I had this sudden chill and realized that Yuguri had slapped before, and she could slap again! I was in fear for Sakura’s face!

I’m not thinking about anyone else’s face

This episode brought up a fascinating question: Just how profound an impact do our life experiences have on our hopes? In Sakura’s case, she weathered a seriously frustrating series of events. From an operant conditioning perspective alone, I can understand her reaction! But to be running out of the house, all excited to be back on track, and get killed? Jeesh!

But in her case, and apparently in her case alone, her amnesia was a complete blessing.

I still can’t get the image if Lily sobbing into her pillow out of my head. All of them are standing on such thin ice…

Saki is all of us

For me it was Saki. Frustrated, lost and a little scared Saki. First time we are seeing hr shaken up. If Saki can’t just make it all better and shrug it off, what are we going to do?

Seeing her check her thumb nail was such a perfect way to show her pain.

[ Did you want to mention anything about Koutarou’s conversation in the bar? In the comments on the ZLS 11 review on Random Curiosity, https://randomc.net/2018/12/13/zombieland-saga-11/, users Nene and Panino Manino had some really interesting theories…

This was a difficult episode to watch — and to review! Thanks for setting up the frame! ]

risk it, it’s worth it

Guys, this little bracketed text is in fact just meant for me. I’m leaving it in. I like seeing behind the curtain stuff on posts so I think you guys might enjoy it too. I also really like that Crow pays attention to his fellow bloggers and readers. He often points out comments or posts I have missed and I am very much richer for it.

You should go read Nene and Panino’s theories.I unfortunately don’t know enough to add anything interesting.

This said, manager’s bar scene was very intriguing. I didn’t originally comment on it in the post proper because I had so many things to get to, I didn’t want to overcrowd it but you know what – clarity has never been my brand.

flashback scene without warning or context!

There’s a reason your blog’s so popular! (dawwww)

These are my random takeaways from that scene. The village of Saga itself is responsible for the zombie phenomenon in some way, and Koutarou is not the only one who knows. He also plans to make it public at some point.

Koutarou himself has been around for a while. Since it’s very reasonable to think that he’s also not quite human, he could be hundreds of years old for all we know. This may be one of dozens of attempts to save Saga.

Maybe that’s why Saga’s still there at all?

this took a turn

The bartender seemed to have a very close personal relationship with Yuguri. Considering the family theme so far, I’m tempted to say he’s her dad.

Yuguri is a courtesan, which implies a lot of things. Although she is certainly charming and imposing, she has so far avoided being openly seductive or sexual. This could simply be because of the tone of the series but it may also have something to do with her life. Did she leave someone important behind?

I’m still wondering about the scar around her neck!

what do you mean just one episode left?

There cannot just be one episode left. We have so very much to explore still!

I’ll second that. It seems like this season has just given us a brief glimpse into a zombie world that’s coexisted with the human world — apparently for hundreds of years! Are there other zombies out and about? It seems they’ve kept themselves private, but I think you’re right when you say Koutarou wants to make it public — why else do something as obvious as an idol group?

And I’m just not ready to say goodbye to Franchouchou!

Despite using do many in the post, I actually still have a few screencaps left. I hope you enjoy them. This week was great for caps.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Irina and Crow in Zombieland (Saga) ep11: It’s Always Darkest Before the Dawn Here we are, the penultimate episode, and I’m already a little sad. As much as I’m going to miss this surprisingly loveable little show, I think I might miss our after reviewing tradition even more.

#anime #CGDCT #Collab #comedy #episodic #idol #Zombieland Saga #zombies

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cassidy-malta · 8 years ago

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March 30: God Save the Cass

I'm not an emotional person but I was pretty much constantly crying in London so I guess I'm getting old.

(Probably the most London picture I'll ever take)

Where do I begin?! This weekend I added another event to my "Things to do when you're either very stupid or very brave" and I packed up my backpack and hopped on a plane to England- ALL BY MYSELF. Let's pretend I woke up and leapt out of bed, excited to take on this new adventure (I woke up at 4:45 for an early flight so there was no leaping or excitement for a couple hours). I took a death defying taxi ride through the city and boarded my plane with no issues. I tried to read some homework (Amouris Laetitia by Pope Francis) but instead simply slept the entire flight.

I landed Turbulently in Birmingham, UK and was promptly interviewed by a border patrol agent.

"What brings you here? Holiday?" -the seemingly kind agent

"Yeah, visiting a friend. He's from the states. I'm from the States too but you probably know that because you're holding my passport. You know it says I'm from North Dakota but I haven't lived there for like 17 years so should I say I'm from North Dakota or Minne-" -me, before getting cut off by a now-annoyed English border agent

"How much money are you planning on spending?"

I just laughed nervously until she stamped my passport and ushered me away.

I promptly discovered that I had booked tickets to Nottingham leaving from the wrong station so I frantically managed to get a quick train to the proper station where my pal Karl picked me up. He's studying abroad with a Luther program like I am, except his program is a full academic year and based out of Nottingham. Karl showed off his stomping ground to me. He took me through Wollaston Park, saw "Wayne Manor" from the Batman movies, begrudgingly took me to the city circle, and he even continued to talk to me after I DESTROYED him at Scrabble (I gloat. A lot.). He gave me two days full of R&R- much needed time to rejuvenate as I've now hit the halfway point in my experience.

(Karl was such a good sport- we even went out for coffee after his humiliating defeat)

Sunday morning I rushed to the train station to catch my 10:30 train to London only to fight with the ticket teller when my train didn't show up. He pointed out that my ticket was for Saturday afternoon. I didn't like that answer.

(I learned that I love riding on trains. Especially when it is this roomy.)

£30 later, I was on a train to London! I gazed longingly out at the English countryside in an effort to mimic literary characters and authors alike before caving to boredom and watching the pilot episode of The Crown on Netflix to prepare myself. The train pulled into Pancras Station (not to be pronounced as Pancreas) and jogged across the street to Kings Cross Station to see Platform 9 3/4. I suddenly was overwhelmed with happy tears- the first time since my parents surprised me with a trip to Disney when I was 6. I, Cassidy Woods, have wanted to see this Harry Potter location since I first picked up a book in 3rd grade and there I was, staring at it. I had planned this trip all on my own- traveled by myself, exercised ALL of my self sufficiency and independence to land right there in Kings Cross Station. Even more empowering than successfully clapping back at someone on Facebook or standing on a stage accepting a scholarship or award or crown (although those experiences have proven to be some of the most empowering).

(I decided not to stand in line for 2 hours, so this picture had to suffice)

Don't worry though, my ego was almost instantly deflated by the London tube system. To all of you on Facebook, email, twitter, etc. that said it was easy, I have a serious beef with you. I confidently and excitedly walked into the Kings Cross Underground Station, took a solid look around, and decided the two miles wouldn't be too bad of a walk.

I spent my first afternoon in London exploring the Wellcome Collection (I once used a woodcut owned by the museum as a resource in one of my papers- I've wanted to go see the collection of medical oddities ever since) and then walked another mile or so to the British Museum (I can now say that I have accidentally stumbled upon the Rosetta Stone). I made my way to Piccadilly square with NO inkling as to what it was (London Times Square), watched street performers, are cheap Chinese, and marveled at how tired I was. When my friend Lexa was finally free, I rushed to Baker Street to meet with her and mooch off her free lodging.

(I miss my mummy - a text sent to my mother with this picture. Tell me I'm funny.)

(For some reason, finding an Easter Island Head was a priority of mine. I hate to admit that I walked by this many times before I looked up and saw it)

(They're pretty proud of Baker Street's Sherlock association)

Saturday I adventured out with the sole intention of seeing the touristy sights. I braved the tube (it made so much more sense with a map- it's so easy omg) and emerged from Westminster station to walk by old buildings only to stop dead in my tracks.

I had stumbled right into the site of the terrorist attacks. The old building I passed was Big Ben. I was surrounded by people and flowers. I shakily proceeded, not sure what to expect. I remembered my confusion and solemness as I visited the 9/11 memorial my sophomore year of high school but no such feelings arose this time. To visit the sight of a massacre just days after the attack... there aren't words. For the second time, London moved me to tears- no, London moved me to sobs. I walked the path that people walked just last Wednesday and were killed. I watched cars speed past me on a road that a single man veered off of to commit this crime. I felt utterly helpless. The attack was more real to me than any attack has ever been in my life. The victims now had faces and desires. They weren't foreign strangers. They were just like me.

Flowers were everywhere. Notes of well wishing, patches from police departments, flags from across the world, stickers, and candles peppered the sidewalks, gates, and fences. Police walked around freely, conversing with tourists and pedestrians, even accepting donations. There wasn't a vigil or gathering there which struck me. For these Londoners- the best and perhaps only strategy they have in the wake of such senseless violence is to move forward. Life continues. They refuse to be afraid or let this event incapacitate them. They stagger onwards in the most admirable of ways- as if they have a choice in the matter.

I took this sudden unexpected wave of emotions into Westminster Abbey where I took the tour and lit a candle (highly recommend this attraction!). I walked to the London Eye before trekking to Buckingham palace (the queen was in so cass was out). I took the tube to Maxwell's Bar and Grill where I got a hamburger with two cups of melted cheese to smother it in (ever been simultaneously satisfied and disgusted before?) before wandering Piccadilly and Oxford circuses for a couple hours.

(Hands down the most touristy picture I have ever taken. Both proud and disgusted)

(I accidentally found China)

Finally it was time for one of the most anticipated events of the weekend: The Warner Brothers Studio Tour - The Making of Harry Potter. My little nerdy heart soared and I spent 3 hours perusing the props, original costumes, film secrets, and gift shop. The experience was filled with awe-filled gasps and was overall magical! For any Harry Potter fan big or small, I could not recommend this tour enough. You really feel like one of the cast and it certainly reignited a love for Harry Potter that had been dimmed with age.

(the first part of the tour was the Great Hall in all of its glory. I don't think my jaw left the floor.)

(I got my Platform 9 3/4 photo!)

(The highlight of the tour was a scale model of the castle)

My third and final day began with a long walk. I wish I could say it was an intentional, healthful 2 mile walk through London's SouthBank, but in all honesty I got off at the wrong tube stop and was too stubborn to correct my error. I walked along the Thames and treated myself to a bubble waffle (why have I never seen these before!?!?!?) until my eyes were able to feast upon my single goal for the day: Shakespeare's Globe.

My mom calls me a huge geek for my Shakespearean affinity but what's not to love? Complex writing, hidden messages, jokes, drama, death, and a deep socio-political history. Not to mention that Shakespeare created a ton of the English language. The Globe theatre and exhibition were both super informative and simply fun to be a part of.

(A recreation of the original but still historically magnificent)

(Street art outside of the Globe underneath London Bridge)

I spent my final afternoon shopping once again, this time at the outskirts of Hyde Park. I once again retreated in tears when I saw the bloodied victim of a car accident. I've never seen a human laying in a pool of their own blood so it was quite the traumatic sight, requiring a phonecall to mom and a few calming moments before fleeing the scene. The trip ended by catching a train to the London Luten airport (if possible, avoid this airport at all costs. VERY crowded, disorganized, and undergoing construction). I returned to Malta a new and refreshed woman, ready to take on two weeks of academics before my next adventure - Morocco (Africa- eep!!!).

(British English has worn off on me)

Last week I loved answering your questions and was shocked by how many there were. Please feel free at any given moment to send in a question and I'll either answer it in my next post or shoot you an email/message/whatever. Thank you all for your support, love, and mail (especially the pre-emotive birthday greeting -thanks Sherri!).

Until next week!

#Malta #Study Abroad #Norse Adventures #NorseAdventures #London #England #Nottingham #Big Ben #Westminster #Harry Potter #Travel #Cassidy

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buttboyfilms-blog · 8 years ago

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thoughts on the BIRDS!

whats new buttheads!

bout to do another post! currently x men: wolverine origins or sum shit is playing in the background. super loud. are these movies well regarded? also just watched the new riverdale but that’s a whole other can of worms.

i am in a really bad class on a really cool subject! it is called “film as a mass medium” but we only talk about adaptation but on like a really boring redundant surface level? so like we read the books then watch the movies or what have you. and then in class it’s just like what DEFINES a nested narrator, medium specificity, and all this lame fucking shit! however, we wrote midterm essays last week and i had fun writing this thing on daphne du maurier’s novelette The Birds (1952) and Alfred Hitchcock’s 1963 adaptation with Tippi Hedren.

I wrote it very very quickly and was late handing it in so my thoughts are kind of a little bit scattered but i think i wrote some cool things too. also the citations are like most definitely fucked up but.... whatevs. i think i was probably supposed to talk more a/b like what entailed the changes in the narrative in the adaptation with regards to like medium specificity or some shit like that but lol no thank u sir!

the essay q was about like causalities for the phenomenon of the birds and like whether there was 1 and did it matter in the first place

Bombings, Bombshells, and Postwar Disintegrations of Order

Allegories of Chaos in The Birds (1952, 1963)

World War II represented, in midcentury thought, a break in conventional standards of morality, stability, and order. While no single, cohesive Copernican shift can be perceived amidst the proliferation of postmodern discourse, responses to the rapidly changing world articulated confusion, dread, and excitement for a society in flux (Sim). In both Daphne du Maurier’s 1952 novelette, The Birds, and Alfred Hitchcock’s 1963 film adaptation of the same title, the phenomenon of the bird attacks is given no rational explanation in the narrative, but the ensuing descents into chaos in both works allegorically reflect popular anxieties of the two works’ respective contexts. Du Maurier’s novelette, written a mere seven years after the Allied victory in World War II, offers a figurative reimagining of the 1940 German Blitzkrieg attackson London, focusing on a disintegration of community and psychological stability in rural England. Hitchcock’s film adaptation, on the other hand, produced ten years after du Maurier’s, and operating in an American Hollywood context, is also intentionally ambiguous in terms of a credible diegetic cause for the attacks in Bodega Bay. However, the film’s collapse of small town life, and its attendant conservative values, can be attributed to the arrival of Melanie Daniels, whose character embodies an empowered, urban concept of femininity, a new fixture of the 1960s with the rise of second wave feminism. Du Maurier’s source material and Hitchcock’s film adaptation effectively unsettled viewers at their times of production due to their reflections of relevant anxieties, reaching backwards, forwards, and across oceans for inspiration.

The premise of du Maurier’s novelette, namely, the sudden plagues of violent birds suddenly descending upon England, proceeds in the narrative without being granted a credible cause, although various causes are speculated. At times, Nat declares that the birds must be foreign to the land, descended from “upcountry” (du Maurier 4), claims their violence was incited by “fright” (du Maurier 5), and repeatedly blames the circumstances on weather, while Jim posits that perhaps they were hungry (du Maurier 7), and the national news suggests a vague relationship to the “Arctic airstream,” (du Maurier 9). The townspeople at first doubt the legitimacy of Nat’s story after the first night, laughing at him and planning to shoot the birds away. Daphne du Maurier’s characters in the novelette are fraught with this persistent confusion and misinformation. Nat, in his grave stoicism and “solitary disposition” (du Maurier 1), is viewed by the townspeople he encounters as an alarmist and a drunk (du Maurier 6). As the narrative proceeds to legitimize the phenomenon for the general public, with national news broadcasts declaring emergencies and the deaths of secondary characters, Nat’s wary perspective is likewise given credence. His character becomes the voice of reason, as opposed to an imaginative farmhand. This moment of transition in his character arc, coincidentally occurring once all characters apart from his immediate family have receded from the narrative, marks a shift toward recognition of the birds as analogous to a previous event in recent history, the air raids carried out by the Germans in 1940.

The Blitz, a principal event in the Battle of Britain, wreaked havoc across the nation for a duration between four and thirteen months, depending on the historical source. Concentrated in London, targeting the Royal Air Force base, the violence extended across the nation. The Nazi forces (Luftwaffe) sought to destroy British infrastructure with a particular inclination toward buildings related to the war effort. Although the Luftwaffe was technically indoctrinated against targeting civilians, the large scale bombings made civilian casualties unavoidable. Britain would go on to win a decisive victory, rebuffing the onslaught of German bombings, but the widespread destruction of infrastructure and civilian casualties would leave behind a legacy of psychological trauma (Overy).

Du Maurier’s novelette proceeds quickly towards its premise, revealing little of its characters’ previous. However, a crucial fact is given concerning the protagonist, Nat, and his personal history. This insight serves to explicate Nat’s employment: “(he), because of a wartime disability, had a pension and did not work full time…” (du Maurier 1). Nat’s status as a military veteran is essential to the film’s wartime allegory. Written in 1952, it can be assumed that the story’s protagonist is a veteran of WWII, and, particularly due to his being injured in the conflict, would be a likely victim of lingering psychological effects of the extreme violence, perhaps even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (Overy). While this psychological trauma is never directly addressed in the narrative, Nat’s psychological states are the subject of much narration throughout. His aforementioned preference for solitude, despite being a married man, is a general indicator of instability, as well as the townspeople’s initial hesitance to take his story about the bird attacks at face value, and the children’s laughing at his seemingly bizarre behavior at the bus stop (du Maurier 13).

As previously mentioned, although Nat’s status as an unsociable, disabled war veteran leads the townspeople to initially view his warlike stories about the birds with skepticism, after his tales are legitimized publically, and related metaphorically to the Blitz, his seasoned perspective is privileged as useful to himself and others. His instincts for danger, presumably gained in war, are addressed in description of Nat’s experience the night of the first attacks: “(Nat) leaned closer to the back of his sleeping wife, and stayed wakeful, watchful, aware of misgiving without cause,” (du Maurier 2). Although the reader is privileged much insight into Nat’s heightened sense of awareness for the impending crisis, it is not until the bird attacks are metaphorically linked to the Battle of Britain that Nat becomes the narrative’s lone safeguard against total destruction. He later ponders: “It was … like the air raids in the war. No one down this end of the country knew what the Plymouth folk had seen and suffered. You had to endure something before it touched you,” (du Maurier 7). As the bird attacks increase in severity and scale, Nat’s wealth of wartime knowledge proves progressively more valuable. His history with the Battle is emphasized throughout the narrative, and renders him more equipped to deal with the similar psychological effects caused by the birds’ torments. Akin to Plymouth, devastated repeatedly by the Blitz, the story’s location in Cornwall is a coastal archipelago. Likewise, the effects underwent by Nat, his family, and the other townspeople are comparable to the experiences of Plymouth civilians during the Blitz. The farmer relays that he heard a rumour implicating Russian culprits, “They’re saying in town the Russians have done it. The Russians have poisoned the birds,” (du Maurier 15). While this conjecture is given no credibility, it is reflective of the early Cold War anxieties rising to prominence in the 1950s. Nat understands that isolation from urban centres renders rural communities more vulnerable but also safer in their remoteness. He declares: “...whatever ‘they’ decided to do in London and the big cities would not help the people here, three hundred miles away,” (du Maurier 11). The uncertainty, lack of reliable vital information, disconnect from federal government, paranoia, and incessant posturing of false intelligence underwent by the citizens of Cornwall are all conspicuously reminiscent of the psychological effects of air raids on citizenry during WWII (Overy). Daphne du Maurier’s The Birds gives no narrative explanation for the violent phenomenon of the bird attacks. Instead, the novelette seeks to expose the futility of rationally explaining such senseless violence. The work’s allegorical connection to the Battle of Britain culminates in no triumphant, patriotic resolution for England. Rather, it uses the imaginative framework of the bird attacks to explore the necessity of remembering the past when confronting the future, particularly in the face of inexplicably collapsed order. Concern for the cause of the phenomenon is thus subordinated to the need for informed pragmatism in mediating consequences, gained by remembrance of history.

Akin to its literary antecedent, Alfred Hitchcock’s film narrative likewise eschews a scientific causal force behind the bird attacks. Rather than the conjectural answers with which the citizens of Cornwall seek to rationalize the arrival of the birds, however, some people of Bodega Bay initially engage in incredulous denial, whereas others simply seek to mitigate without questioning. The denial is exemplified in the confrontation, beginning at 1:16:32, between Melanie Daniels and ornithologist Mrs. Bundy, who refuses to believe that such harmless creatures as birds could be responsible for the apparent violence. She declares, with an air of cold, scientific superiority: “Birds are not aggressive creatures miss, they bring beauty into the world. It is mankind, rather, who insists upon making it difficult for life to exist upon this planet,” (Hitchcock). Aside from this scene, occurring mere minutes before the largest bird attack yet witnessed, the characters of Hitchcock’s adaptation are largely preoccupied with mitigation rather than rationalizing or verifying, and thus the subject is given little direct attention. Another such example, however, in which a character is overtly concerned with causality, gives insight into the film’s larger allegory. The sequence beginning at 1:28:39, with the hysterical mother’s confrontation of Melanie, opens the door to the film’s complex response to modern femininity. The mother rants through tears: “Who are you? What are you? Where did you come from? I think you’re the cause of all this, I think you’re evil,” (Hitchcock). There is a degree of credibility to her reading of the coinciding of the bird attacks and Melanie’s arrival in Bodega Bay, although it goes unacknowledged by any other characters.

The arrival of Melanie is tied to the phenomenon of the birds, if only by coincidence, which consequentially links her presence to the disintegration of small town insularity and stability. She repeatedly butts heads with the conservative townspeople of Bodega Bay, most notably in the aforementioned instances, with the elderly, vaguely aristocratic British ornithologist, and the overly concerned, borderline hysterical accusing mother. The conflict of Melanie versus Bodega Bay is heightened to the level of political allegory by the conflation of her character with an urban concept of postmodern, liberated femininity (Burkett) in opposition to the more conservative values of the small town. As she further penetrates into the community (first to drop off lovebirds, next to stay with Annie, then to attend the birthday party, etc.), and her relationship with Mitch develops, the attacks intensify. Although the viewer is given little background information on Melanie’s character, Mitch reveals in the opening scene that she has been in court for counts of vaguely mischievous activity, and later that her wayward behavior in Rome had been the subject of popular gossip. He accuses her, “The truth is you’re running around with a pretty wild crowd...” (Hitchcock). Melanie Daniel’s character is known to the townspeople, including Lydia, as an unruly, even immoral, product of urban living. She stands in for the controversial rise of second wave feminism in the 1960s. The feminist thought of Hitchcock’s time placed revelatory emphasis on women’s sexual liberty and equal treatment in the workplace (Burkett). These radical changes in postmodern concepts of femininity were not met without resistance from conservative voices, and the polarization helped to shape the urban/rural bipartisan divide. Melanie’s own embodiment of the new iteration of feminist thought takes the shape of her own activities in the workplace, and her allegedly nude misbehavior in Rome. The violence that the birds bring to Bodega Bay ensues from the sewing of Melanie, a modern, empowered woman, into a small town, conservative community.

Mitch’s role in this process, however, may not be understated. He trivializes her experience with empowered femininity, chastising her unruly behavior while laughing at her occupational status. From the first scene, he exercises domineering power over Melanie. He tricks her at the pet store, invites her to dinner, asks her to stay the first night and subsequently schemes to get her to attend his sister’s birthday party, despite her insistent protests to return to San Francisco. His sentiment in this evident containment of Melanie’s strong femininity is illuminated in a line from the first scene. After ensnaring an escaped canary in his fedora, an antiquated signifier of dominant masculinity, he mysteriously says: “Back in your gilded cage, Melanie Daniels,” (Hitchcock). In defiance of both the dangers posed by his hometown’s ornithological predators, as well as Melanie’s own wishes, Mitch chooses to not only remain in Bodega Bay himself but to also contain Melanie in the hostile context, and eventually he literally seals her, along with his mother and daughter, in his childhood home. Throughout the film, Mitch Brenner connives to contain Melanie, with her empowered femininity, within a context both physically and figuratively inhospitable to her. She is only allowed to escape once she has been nearly killed by the birds upstairs, in an essentially suicidal decision which reads as an attempted martyrdom for second wave feminists. Surviving the onslaught, the family and Melanie evacuate Bodega Bay, driving through droves of stationary birds towards a distant sun peering through the clouds, evocative of the precarious balance and peace between rural and urban moral divisions, perpetually on the brink of violence.

In collective social consciousness, the unprecedented violence of World War II heralded a new age of ontological uncertainty. Responses to this historical rupture ranged from a newfound hope in the dismantling of oppressive societal conventions, to a fear for the violent potential of mankind. Produced nine years apart, Daphne du Maurier’s novelette, The Birds and Alfred Hitchcock’s film adaptation seek to depict a senseless breakdown of natural order, signified by the bird attacks. Whereas du Maurier’s literary antecedent represents the psychological implications of aerial warfare seen previously in the Battle of Britain, Hitchcock’s adaptation posits the disintegration of order as being inextricably tied to the collision of rural conservatism and the urban feminism of the 1960s. In neither film nor novelette is the phenomenon of the attacking birds given credible causal explanation, as both works question the human impulse to rationalize senseless violence.

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