#remember all the times i've said thru the year i've been working a lot and etc etc etc

[hyakunana]

AT LAST, EVIL IS UNLEASHED!!!!! 😈 and I'm the Character Colorist of the new WEBTOON project, A Practical Guide to Evil!

Super happy to be part of this dream team! And I hope you all enjoy it!

[the-acid-pear]

I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.

[barblaz-arts]

Stephanie Beatrice had played my 3 favorite characters (Rosa Mirabel and Vaggie) and since I watched Encanto and B99 I have my head canon that Vaggie have both Rosa and Mirabel personalities.

Any way, I just want to know what is your head canon or theory about her? ( specifically about Lute calling her weak and why the other exorcist hate her)

Since she is your girl, I would love to read your essay about her.(I’m joking you don’t have to write that much I just like to read your post)

Thank you

"My girl"... Am I just "that one artist who's the biggest Vaggie stan" to you guys? (I won't mind it!)

Oh man! I do have some ideas! A lot of my headcanons were already kinda sorta mentioned in my fic/art tho, so sorry if you're not getting a lot of new info

- I have this headcanon that Vaggie's always been "softer" than the other Exorcists, which is what I assume Lute meant when she said she "always knew [Vaggie] was weak". I know it probably has more to do with how little time each episode has, but what if Lute was so ready, already behind Vaggie when she let that kid go, because she knew this wasn't the first time Vaggie spared a sinner? Maybe that was just the first time Lute actually caught her. Maybe she's always had her suspicions, when Vaggie's kill count would lower every year, and she'd sometimes find Vaggie saying a sinner got away somehow despite cornering that demon moments ago.

- although she's gotten used enough to her lack of depth perception when it comes to her hand eye coordination, especially when fighting, i like to think her reading ability could never truly go back to the way it used to be, so she has trouble reading/ writing/texting (if you notice, i always showed instances of this in my fic ;> )But because she's the hotel manager she still has to deal with them because of paperwork and shit, so she has prescription glasses that help. I'd wanted to include a scene in the First Guest where Vaggie almost cries after seeing Charlie thru the glasses for the first time, because she didn't think Charlie could be any more beautiful, but i scrapped the idea because I couldn't expand the concept enough to an actual scene that could be relevant to the overall fic. I probably should have just mentioned it in a paragraph or something, but by the time i remembered id already posted the chapter I intended to add it in. Maybe I'll use it for another fic.

- she prefers femme clothing so she doesn't really have a reason to do this, but she learned how to do all kinds of ties so that she could do Charlie's whenever

- she grew her hair to compensate for her lost wings

- she wasn't exactly a great cook before she Fell, but she was pretty capable when she lived alone in Heaven. Cooking for Charlie tho gave her the motivation to get better and actually enjoy it

- an angel trait that she could never truly abandon is being a stickler for rules. She's very strict on everyone and herself with these things, within reason. So even when she and Charlie started dating, she insisted that they can't sleep together until they've had their third date. When they're on the clock, they have to be professional and avoid flirtatious advances in front of staff and guests. Charlie didn't mind because she prefers privacy too.

- Vaggie's physical appearance slightly changed gradually the longer she stayed in hell. As an angel, her sclera was paler, her incisors duller, and her skin grayer. But as time passed, her sclera got more and more peach/pink, fangs sharper, and skin more purple toned

- i still like to think that Vaggie's old backstory back when only the pilot was out (having died in 2014 in her early twenties who worked as a sex worker in El Salvador) was still true. Maybe it's just because I've liked Chaggie since pilot, and I've grown really attached to that backstory. I also just really don't want Vaggie to be Heavenborn for some reason. Among the cast she just seems the most grounded to reality to me, so having her revealed to have never been human and born "divine" just doesn't seem right to me. I also just think it'd be cute and funny if it turns out she's chronologically the youngest in the hotel even tho she's basically everyone's strict not-mom.

- idgaf what Adam says, I wanna think that "Vaggie" is short for "Evangeline". I used to have these 2 coworkers in their late 50's to 60's who had Evangeline as their government name, but one of them goes by "Vanj" and the other "Vajee". Being older Filipino women who aren't really too fluent in English, they never thought there was anything wrong with that when they grew up with their nicknames. I like to think that the case was the same if Vaggie used to be human. I'm not sure how common English is in El Salvador, but I'm willing to bet it's possible she could have been given that nickname as a kid by an older family member who didn't know a lot of English. Also Evangeline makes more sense to have been the name of an angel cmon now...

[ophernelia]

hey! random question and honestly if it's too personal feel free to ignore me, but I was wondering how do you get pass some bad depression and anxiety? this is such a chaotic ask dude im sorry im having a shitty day tryna calm myself down before I go into a full anxiety attack it's a shot in the dark like how do you even answer that question especially when you're actively trying to get thru it and live yourself? dumb question girl im depeserate and this is cringey as hell,thank you if you do take the time to answer it. it'll help me more than you know

It's not dumb at all! I don't mind answering! I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. I've been there a few times over the last month, so I understand completely. Recent world and personal events aside- it's that time of year when depression and anxiety kick up again. It's been a doozy this time. As someone in the medical field I will say GET SOME SUNLIGHT! Get some good rest. Eat foods that make you feel good. Try to do whatever light activity you can. Unfortunately they were not lying when they said that stuff helps. I thought it was a gimmick. (Also, this will look different for everyone so don't feel bad about sticking to a certain thing. I have disabled loved ones, so walking around isn't something they can really do. Instead I try to get them to do what they can. Lift their feet, rotate their wrists, open up the windows to let in some fresh air. Whatever you can do, try it. And whatever you can't do, to hell with it anyway.)

I use the same coping skills year round. Though they may pick up in frequency around this time or I'll add in something new. I typically manage my depression and anxiety the same way. Most times they go hand in hand for me. I'm big on nervous system regulation. For me that looks like going for a walk, tapping/patting my body, deep breathing exercises, or just getting some good rest. If all else fails- one thing Ima do is take a nap. For me lately, the bodily sensations are what bother me the most, so I do that to combat it. I try to calm myself down physically first. There's a game I like to play on my phone called "Kinder World". They have you do exercises like deep breathing and emotion naming to be able to grow and water plants. It's a fun and calming distraction. I need to look into it more, but I feel like they had mental health professionals work on or contribute to the app. It's in line with a lot of things I learned while getting my degrees.

I'm also very big on self talk, self compassion, etc. Especially when I'm having a depressive episode. I've gotten good at understanding my feelings are just feelings. I can respect them, they're valid, but that's about it. They aren't destiny markers, they aren't indicators that I'll always feel bad. I like to think about times where I thought I was dealing with something I could never get through. Something I could never get over. I got over all of that and then some. My future views were just skewed at the time. I try to remember that I feel rough now, but I won't always feel this bad. It helps me to not slip deeper into it. I also try to care for myself as if I was caring for someone I love. "How do I help Brook?" She needs to eat, so I'll get her something she'll enjoy. She needs to bathe, so I'll drag myself into the shower and get it done with. Even if I feel like I need a hug, I will hug myself. The only person who can understand how I feel right now is myself. I try to be nice to her. I try to give her grace. I will still hold myself accountable for missteps, but I try to do it all with love and compassion. That's not to say I am a "love and light" girl. I'm rough with my words. I will argue with people if I feel like it. I curse like a mf sailor, irl. In front of my momma and everything. (Uh huh, al the black folks is clutching their pearls right now. I do it and don't feel a way about it LMAO) But it makes no sense in being rough with yourself if you know it won't help improve your well-being.

I've been working on myself for years though. I've had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. It's something that has grown with me, if that makes sense. That monster is always there, but I've gotten to the point where it's like "well, bitch you're here so let's figure out how to make this work." It's tough. Managing it is tough, sometimes things work and sometimes they don't. The way I handle this is to just push through. I try to improve my situation where I can and where I can't? It is what it is. I've got a lot of faith in myself and the belief that I will always live well. I take my moments of happiness and I take my gratitude and make em' stretch.

[rjschoicesstuff]

what do you think of the werewolf Choices books 👀

Rubs mi hands, thank u for da ask hehe >:)

Also putting it out there I love werewolves the most in horror settings but also urban fantasy settings. But werewolf romance specifically doesn't rly interest me like BDSGS idk how 2 describe this one, I'm not aversed to werewolf LI's obviously, but I don't see myself reading a novel or comic that's centered around that? And if u put me in control over the next werewolf book it would revolve around hunters or a mc who got bitten and slowly turns into a monster. I don't think that'd work for Choices though LOL.

Between ages 6 - 12 I was the most into werewolves, after that I haven't rly been reading as much anymore and it stayed a more lowkey interest. But bc of Ripley I feel the obsession slowly coming back n I rly want to start reading novels again so maybe in a few months I'll do these reviews again because I'll have more to compare it to hahah.

Nightbound isn't a werewolf book TO ME like they advertised it like that but imo it's just a book that has werewolves in it. Like they kinda tricked me with tht one imo but I do love Nightbound tho. And that said I do like the nightbound werewolves the most, like I haven't played NB in years but just from what I remember they come closest to the kinda werewolves I like! Like they felt the most monstrous I guess? And like the wolf is separate from the person iirc?? Mb im talking out of my ass rn, I'm rly due for a replay lol.

+ Cal is my fave werewolf love interest out of all the werewolf LI's we have! Like I think especially now that there's other LI's to compare him to he feels rly refreshing to me + I like that he's not a pack alpha or whatever.

Bitten also feels less like a werewolf book to me bc it doesn'tvrevolve around werewolves, I do like Bitten but I also feel like they could've done smmmm more with it, like sometimes it just feels kinda empty or I want More but never get it lol. I think I love the concept of Bitten but am a bit disappointed by the execution? I skipped some diamond choices with ID 3 coming up so I prob missed some lore bbut like I mostly like the werewolves though! I like the approach of the fated mate thing in Bitten more than in Wolf Bride bc it never feels like it's being forced on mc or Skyler intends to force it on mc ig? I kinda wish they'd used the same wolf sprites as in Alpha though, bbut thts just bc I think they look bigger n better.

Umm Skyler is annoying but in a way that doesn't bother me much. In general I think they're a fun LI.

I rly like Alpha but at th same time I just don't have tht much to say about it regarding th werewolf stuff ig? I rllyyyy like the mc and I like Channing and I like the side characters a lot. The werewolf lore doesnt rly make me go like wooooow I love this or whatever. I did love the like whole struggle with rage that mc goes thru after turning though. And like the concept of like turning being a risk and some people opting out of that because u might lose urself.

I mostly disliked Wolf Bride like a lot of it I've just kinda forgotten about atp, but I'm not a fan of like the kidnapping and generally how Bastien treats the mc lol 💀. And like the stuff with abandoning disabled babies and stuff ughh.. And Bastien and Morgan turning out to be siblings hahahaha 😭😭 I also rlyyyy didn't like the bipedal wolf sprites which is FUNNY bc bipedal werewolves r my faves but like they looked rly silly 2 me and like they had 2 make it rly clear which wolves were GIRLS!!

I did like the powers u could collect n stuff tho, I didn't buy any bc I was diamond mining bbut I do always love collectibles like that lol.

[captainbobbin]

xemnas at the start of left foot over the right is portrayed as fairly solidly evil, but gets more humanized as time goes on. i know it's reflective of the characters' perspectives, but did you as an author also find your thoughts on him coming around as you had to puzzle out how and why he works? i was wondering because i love complicated/confused/slightly desperate portrayals of xemnas and yours really nails it

I have a lot of thoughts and I often find myself juggling which ideas I want to put forward at a certain time. Gonna do a readmore as I am a rambly bitch putting out personal thoughts.

I've always really loved Xemnas, I've always seen him as a very tragic, hollowed-out, complicated guy. There are a lot of portrayals of him (often in AkuSai fics and such) where he is straight up 100% evil, like arched fingers maniacal laugh cruel for cruelty's sake pure Master Xehanort levels of evil. And while I can certainly see why people would want to show that side of him (and I willingly admit that I do do that myself to an extent, I don't do him many favours, especially in the beginning), I ultimately want Xemnas to come across as someone who, yes, did horrible terrible things, but the more time we spend with him (or, thinking about him thru Isa's pov mainly, so to speak) the more we really chip into how Isa sees Xemnas' mindset. I want, over time, for Xemnas to go from an outright hated villain who is just perpetually loathed to a nuanced and intricate character that we only see the aftermath of. Isa spent time with him, sees different facets of him, understands aspects to both Xemnas in ways that Terra and the others and the audience don't. He understands that being a Nobody changes people, let alone being a Nobody that then has Xehanort put into them, and Isa recognises as well that Xemnas didn't even have memories of humanity to fall back on for reference or guidance or anything. Xemnas had nothing but a grand plan that he was made to carry out, no attachments, no humanity, no morals to consider. He's the most Nobody of all Nobodies. Of course it makes sense for him to come across as outright evil and cold and removed.

But Isa spent so long with him. Saw him at weak times, saw him at indulgent times, saw him in moments where perhaps the slightest trickle of doubt crept in from somewhere. Over the years, do you think that the Terra parts of Xemnas grew louder and harder to ignore, or do you think they slowly died and grew quiet? How much can you consider Xemnas his own person? He wasn't even a person at all. From an outsider looking in, Xemnas is a cruel slate of unfeeling nothingness, he's just a body cocooned with darkness that wants his own way. But Saix grew to know him. Hell, Xemnas began at nearly twenty years old and lived for ten, he grew, physically, and Saix with him. Imagine how much a person can potentially change in a decade, for better or for worse.

I was at a funeral recently. Had to be around my biological family. I am entirely estranged from them. Purposefully. There was a lot of... neglect, and manipulation, and denial, and to an extent abuse in many forms. I am better without them in my life. I am happier now, able to look at the things they do and find it predictable and obvious and stupid. But sometimes when I look at them, when I think of things they did to me, part of my brain justifies things. They probably did xyz because of circumstances. Maybe it isnt as bad as I remember. Maybe I had just been an especially shitty annoying child to be around. Things could have happened in a certain way because of influences from the environment. Maybe they didn't know better. Maybe they didn't know at all. Maybe the things I did and were dealing with wasn't worth noticing to them. They had their own problems, and I should've been better. They're human, and everyone makes mistakes, and there are things I've said and done that have probably hurt people too. Maybe I was to blame. Maybe I should have changed sooner. Maybe they made me this way, and maybe I made them that way.

Having lived through long periods of time around people that aim to control you leaves you with a lot of doubts, and makes you question yourself often. There are a lot of complicated thoughts when it comes to the way people affected your history. Surviving is tricky, and to be honest it isn't just surviving in the moment but its the memory of it that stays with you and hangs around which is the hardest to work around sometimes. Being the victim of many different kinds of negative influence for a prolonged amount of time leaves someone second guessing everything they do. It makes someone try and justify things. It makes someone miss bad things, just because those bad things are what they are used to. Everyone has the capacity to do horrible things, and everyone has the ability to do very good things. I think what shows the true nature of a person is whether or not they desire to be better - and whether they're willing to take the steps needed to become better. Introspection is something that I think is very very prevalent in my writing, because I cannot imagine being someone that does not overthink every action I take and word I say and thing I do, because I was raised to consider how everyone else around me feels and that I must cater to that and not myself.

I have some memory issues due to all of that - I repeatedly go over what I've written to make sure I've maintained consistency, and overall I'm pretty happy with Xemnas. I want there to be a pathetic undertone to him for sure, but I very much wanted him to start off as this monolithic figure that caused dread and discomfort.

To me, lfotr is about healing. It's about looking a situation you were put in and coming to balance how much of the onus was on you, and how much of the onus was on the people doing things to you. Its about moving forward but still taking time to look back here and there. Its about looking at the distance and finding some peace in how many steps have been taken.

Xemnas, to me, has always been a complicated, grey figure. He's interesting and layered and for a man that is supposed to be empty, its that emptiness that is so fascinating. If you had no memories of a person you were supposed to be, what would you become? If no one had intervened, if he'd been given no plan, if he had started out entirely alone, where would he have gone, what would he have done? Why exactly does he do the things he does in lfotr?

I want Xemnas to absolutely come across as indifferent and calculated and greedy, especially in the beginning and especially from Terra's initial pov, but as time goes on and Isa thinks more, and we delve more into Terra's 'memories', I really wanted hidden depths of Xemnas to come through. He's confused, he's conflicted, he wants and he doesn't know if wanting is an emotion and he's on a time limit but for now he is in charge so he could just have what he wants but what does that mean and why isn't it working the way he thought it would? He's heartless and hollowed but he's riddled with longing and yearns desperately for something he does not know, he's a scientist and scholar and master manipulator but he's nineteen and naive and just wants his friends back, he's inhuman and selfish but he looks at Saix and wants what he has, wants him all to himself, wants him forever and can't comprehend why or even what.

He can't become anything. He doesn't have the capacity to change, even if he wanted to - does he want to? does he want to want to? - and he has to stand back and look at the short life he has been given through ambivalent eyes, seeing Nobodyism objectively and everything is just a means to an end and everything in this nonexistence is a tool to be used and he just has to do what he was meant to do. But maybe some part of Terra is within him, or maybe he has just enough distant humanity in him somewhere that the lines blur, and over time we catch more and more little glimpses of that facade just starting to crack. It never completely breaks - he never really changes - but little aspects of something new bleed through just now and then. Enough to make someone second guess.

I always really wanted Xemnas to be a figure of interest in lfotr. Truthfully, the series was originally gonna be much shorter; I wasn't going to have any of Isa's side of the story in once Terra left, and I was going to cap it at 13 chapters. We're looking at approximately triple that now. I absolutely always wanted Xemnas to haunt the story and be this shadow that looms over both Terra and Isa, he's both a driving force that makes them move and this cursed rope that binds them together. Continuing to work on lfotr has allowed me to expand more on my thoughts on Xem, but really I always want him to seem very tragic and complex. As time goes on and different ideas come to me and certain angles take my interest more, I think naturally my writing does kind of alter around that, but thats just how it is when writing a longer fic that comes out in instalments. Little changes happen over time and certain angles take precedence - now and then I do go back to previous chapters both to rekindle my original thoughts but also to make tiny adjustments just to ensure everything flows nicely. Over the months (and now years, god;) I have picked certain aspects of him to present more to the audience, but in general I really want the fic to feel like its about his aftermath. Its the consequences of his poor choices. I've always really wanted Isa and Terra's process of grief to be the focus over Xemnas, but yeah as I've written more he really has snuck into things more and more :)

He really is a character that I love in totality so I hope that overall it doesn't seem that I ever write him out of a place of hatred, or that I'm simply using him as a blanket bad-guy stepping stool just to make moonrocks happen. I think he is just such an integral part to the KH story over all but also specifically to Terra and Isa and outside of AUs I can't really imagine the two of them not bonding over how Xemnas was such a big part of them for so long. Xemnas is just so special to me, he's a rich character that has a lot of room for exploration, and I intend to keep gently shaking him and see what falls out of those cracks.

If it is of any interest, I do try to write all of my Xemnas' with a similar amount of grandiose and layered thoughts and distant doomed ideals, so if you do vibe with the way I do my lfotr Xemnas, you may also like how I write him in my oneshots. Obviously in those I don't have quite the same amount of time to expand on my ideas for him since lfotr is literally like half a million words long lmao but the flavours I cook with are often similar haha

thank you so much for asking me stuff, it is always such a treat to talk about writing and I really appreciate that you've been enjoying my work ^^

[jisungshotfirst]

Levanter anon: sounds like SM Entertainment is having a chaotic time once again.

On a more lighthearted note, if you look at the graph of SM stock prices going down, it looks like a cat now. 'Tis the EXO-dus cat!

But jokes aside: what will happen to EXO now? How many group members would be left in the company (assuming the don't also leave after the first group of members)? Where will the leaving members go?

Also, will this affect other SM groups? I am not the most familiar with them, but I hear SM groups are very interconnected, with NCT and Superm and everything. So will other groups have members leaving?

Hello!! they sure are hahahhaha

omg we love<3 jfjfdj exo's legacy :')

So there currently Chanyeol, Sehun, Kai, Kyungsoo, Suho and Lay are still contracted with SM. Chen, Baekhyun, and Minseok are still in exo of the moment - they've left the company not the group and so unless there's official word after all the legal stuff that they've left the group - they are still in the group! the contracts will be them individually contracted as SM artists, not as members of EXO so they don't lose that when the contracts gone until SM declare it. Sehun... is unpredicatable so i can't say anything for sure 😭 but he is basically sitting back atm with popcorn watching it go down so i imagine that whatever the outcome he will step up and try something himself hahah the others i truly don't know! Kai fucked off to the military right as the drama's happening so we won't get his news for a while 😭 the contracts are kinda frozen/extended over military enlistment periods i've noticed so he won't be doing anything until it's over. The leaving members are very likely going to go get signed to other labels/ set up their own ! i can imagine they have a plan, and considering they're suing together at once i can imagine they have a plan together! it would be great for us fans to have them sign to the same company but you gotta remember this is their first free decision about their career they've prob ever gotten so they should go with what they want individually and find companies that will suit them and work well with them<3

oki so I think there's a lot that could happen if u compare it to other groups! they could definitely do a got7 where they are in different companies focusing on solo stuff but manage to do a full-member comeback by organising it themselves between all their companies (if only once or twice </3). Or you could look at snsd. snsd came back through SM but 3 (?) of the members aren't under SM anymore - it was just something arranged between all companies involved and i can imagine that the non-SM girls got well compensated 😭 but yeah - something like that could happen if there's some relationship between the members and SM... which doesn't seem particularly likely considering the lawsuits but anyways it's a possibility hahaha!

about other SM groups! it will be affecting poor taeyong trying to promote his solo atm thru all this drama 😭 and as you said about the stock prices - that does inhibit the other groups. However, if they win the lawsuit, one can only hope that would encourage better artist treatment and fairer payout around the whole company!! and if SM don't do it themselves, the other artists would have tonnes of info on how to beat SM in a lawsuit 😭 so we can hope they use it well<3 but yeah - the icky thing about companies is that although they are all artists with similar contracts, the treatment and payout could be extremely different between all the groups :(( and within the same group (read: luhan and tao lol). and good old misogyny when it comes to rv<3 so each SM artist could have a different experience and some could have it much worse than others.

okay so i just read some articles and it's so funny djfgjjdfgj what i'm understanding is.. cbx were like 'yo can u provide us with the info on how we've been paid for 12-13 years' and sm are like 'no. i don't want to.' and sm are CONVINCED that some other evil company leaders have been talking to exo and getting them to sign with them and illegally go against their SM contracts. which very much could be true but it's not illegal to have discussions with other employers jgjdfg and SM are still like 'we have your best interests at heart, not those evil outsiders!'. ... they r so funny fkgkd. also their contracts were literally 12-13 years long... not the usual 7 recommended by the government.... and the contracts they r terminating were written in nov/dec 2022 and were extending them another 5/6 years...and SM's current defence is "no ur lawyer doesn't know the law properly we aren't in the wrong".. so .... unless some miracle is pulled I don't see SM coming out of this well since they're not rly cooperating at all.

but yeah.. i don't see a swarm of artists leaving SM happening, mostly because a lot of them won't have the luxury as EXO have to do that. And especially if they're also stuck in 13 year contracts... which is ridiculous. so yeah :(( but we can hope they get better treament!! and soz to any superm fans if there are any of you 😭 superm is a done thing i'm afraid</3 lucas flopped, baekhyun's suing and then it'd just be taemin in an Nct unit KJFGKFJGK. so yeah no more superm. but nct will prob truck on - they are SM's priority there's no denying it so they'll prob be fine. tho they are tragically suffering with the loss of sungtaro so like... </3 rip to them but infinite Nct flopped to me the second sungtaro left, like no one else matters</3

[purplesurveys]

1845

What were you doing before you started taking this survey? I feel like a fool remembering how I thought Saturday was going to be a rest day, because today has been everything but. Before this survey, we went to pick up paint for my sister's room; I went to my dentist appointment; dropped by Feliz to get ensaymadas my mom needed to pick up; three different drive-thrus because by lunch we were all starving, only to be met by super long lines so we just gave up; then had homemade lunch at home.

Now it's 4:12 PM and I hardly have a weekend left because we'll still need to go to church tonight, then I have an all-day event for work tomorrow + a wrestling show to attend in the evening.

Do you live somewhere where it’s completely safe to walk alone at night? I do, because it's a gated subdivision. The moment I step outside of the village and into the main highway might be a different story.

Have you ever lived with someone who was a total slob? No, we like keeping the house tidy. Even at its messiest I'd say it'd still be considered relatively clean. A lot of households I've been to are super cluttered so I'm lucky my family didn't fall under that trap.

Would you rather be able to talk to animals or be fluent in every language? If you were fluent in every language surely that includes animal ones? < There we go, haha.

Does your kitchen have a pantry? Yes.

Do you live below your means? Or do you spend every penny you have? I live below it because after three years of doing exactly the opposite and spending money as long as I have it, I finally learned how unhealthy and unsustainable it is. I hardly touch my earnings now and my biggest current vice is just spending on food because I don't know how to cook.

What are some foods you enjoy cooking? I don't know how to cook and can't see myself enjoying it.

Have you ever watched Battlestar Galactica? Nope.

Can others often tell what you’re feeling by your facial expressions? Yeah I'm pretty transparent but that's also because I don't like keeping things in. If I'm happy you'll know it, if I'm pissed people will definitely recognize it.

Have you ever interviewed a job applicant at your workplace? Yes, it's a regular part of my role.

Did you ever skip class when you were in school? If so, was there a particular class that you skipped the most? I couldn't skip class because my mom liked seeing us off hahaha. If I did choose to be absent, it was with her permission.

In your opinion, what is it that makes someone a good person? Doing things with compassion and sincerity. I really look up to people who can be genuine at all times.

Are you happy with the life you’re living? It's mostly okay, but there are things I still wish could be different.

How do your political beliefs compare to those of your parents? I lean on the left-wing and my parents are neutral more than anything, but that said I wouldn't say we clash. They just don't care for the most part.

What do you think of the Baby Boomer generation? Ruins most things, but maybe that's just my experience with Filipino boomers. Insufferable.

Have you ever gone over 3 months without shaving/waxing your legs? I've probably done that before.

Are you high-maintenance? In some aspects but I wouldn't say it's my entire personality as I can be lax about other things.

What was the last non-fiction book you read? AJ Lee's autobiography.

Would you ever consider being a foster parent? No.

Are you able to crack any of your joints? Can't.

What’s your favorite movie genre? Drama and thriller.

What’s something that’s been on your mind a lot lately? My future at my workplace, saving up for a place to live, saving up for my US trip ten years down the line to fulfill my childhood dream of going to Wrestlemania. As for short-term – my birthday! Hahaha.

What was the last thing someone asked you for advice on? My mom asked me to help pick out a shade for my sister's room as she was still asleep when we went to the store and we needed to go by her request which was simply 'off-white' lol.

Have you ever kissed 3 or more people in the same day? No.

What’s your opinion on lottery tickets? Waste of money, or no? It's harmless if it's like one ticket. Just don't let it become an obsession.

What are some things that make others cry, that don’t make you cry at all? Wedding videos.

Are you a very detail-oriented person? Or are you better at seeing the big picture? Details. I need them.

Do you have any upcoming plans with friends? We've talked about Korea in 2025 but we'll see how that pans out. I'm definitely committed to prepare for it but I don't think they're at that point yet.

What was the last picture message you received, and from whom? Just something from work.

Have you ever swam in a saltwater pool? No.

What kinds of leisure activities did your family do together when you were growing up? We didn't have a lot. My fondest memories were going to the arcade and booking staycations in hotels, but even then they all mean a lot in their own ways.

What color suits you more: teal or black? I'd say black.

What continent do you live on? Asia.

[compressednerve]

Nice to see another scratchalan fan! I was hoping I could hear your hopes and thoughts for Alan wake 2? I’m just hoping we get to see plenty of scratch I’ve seen some speculate he’s gonna be a main villain which sounds great to me :3c ✨

Thank you so much for this ask!! *ScratchAlan is the only ship to be ALIVE for., fellow crazy!!!! Hell fucking yeah!!! We needa make some room for AlanScratch tho, I want to write more Top! Alan because it turns me on. I have a feeling we're gonna see so much Mr. Scratch in AW2 that we might even get sick of him. I don't necessarily want him to be The Main Villain of it in the traditional sense... Mr. Scratch is, ultimately, just another side of Alan... And Alan has *many* sides! >:) We see just a taste of how many Alan's there are from The Signal/The Writer when he can't stop fracturing into further self-persecution. I hope to see lots of different Alan's made manifest, like the Teen Titans "Raven OSDD-1a" episode (shout out to my epic partner @parasitefun for showing me that fucking smash hit).

I have a lot of high hopes and fondness in my heart for Remedy and the development process they've been doing. I was a big fan of Alan Wake in 2013 and I did a looot of RP even in 2015-2017. Crazy shit! I kinda fell off the face of the Earth for a while tho. I've never played Quantum Break, and me and Paras are working thru Control together right now (we're in the Maintenance Sector and it just finished doing the Burn The Trash quest).

We spent most of May/June working thru Alan Wake and we have sooo many things to say on it that we're polishing up because it's such a dense story!! So transitioning from working thru AW with a fine tooth comb, to Control which is like four times the size of AW and has *that* much more to work thru, has been a real treat! Remedy sure knows how to make a good fucking story! It's like a croissant with many, many, many laminated layers to turn around in my head. I'm good at recognizing voice actors, so it made my head explode to realize Matthew Poretta played Darling, and James Mcaffrey played Trench. Like, omfg!! And every new realization along the way that links Control to AW. Just a real treat!

All that being said, I've seen a lot of posts along the lines of like, "Where's Alice!@!!! Where's Barry!!!!!!!" and it's like, will I be disappointed if they are underplayed...? yes. Do I worry that that's a possibility, at all? ...only a little bit! I want to put my faith into Remedy's ability to make this a good story. They've been chipping away at it for 13+ years, after all, and if I remember correctly, The Alan Wake Experience since 2000? As in the conception and development of AW1? So, 23 years entirely... that's a long time to be rotating the same Boy around. AW1 was a masterpiece IMO, a many-layered sandwich of nuance and metaphor, paradoxes within paradoxes... I think AW2 is gonna really surprise all of us.

Alan Wake 2, I'm super curious about what they do with it, and hopefully Mr. Scratch *and* Alan both get room to breathe. I think they will, and I'm so, so intrigued about what they're gonna do with Saga! It seems pretty ambitious for Remedy to do a multi-protagonist storyline like this, and their cheeky insistence that you can play it however you want, there's no wrong way to play, makes me worried. I hope more than anything that they didn't dumb down certain world-building elements (I'm blown away at how we went from TVs, radio show0,s and manuscripts in AW1 to the sheer amount of multi-media that went into Control).

I have in some degrees some fairly bad brain damage that inhibits a lot of my abilities to comprehend certain things, and yet, everything about the way the world-building environment contributes to a Greater Understnding of a Remedy Game that most people tend to ignore or outright complain about! Oh, the TV ruins the pacing, oh I didn't wanna have to stand here listening to someone talk I wanna run around and shoot things, oh boo I didn't like how many manuscripts i had to pick up. It's a little tedious, yes, and it breaks the Pacing Of The Literal Game up a little bit yes, but!!! It's excruciatingly important to the story!! It's a ROLE PLAYING GAME!!! YOU HAVE TO ROLE PLAY OMFG!!!!!! (still salty over how Zero Punctuation reviewed these games considering how fucking detectivey they are).

So anyways all of that being said, I hope that Alan Wake 2 is stuffed to the BRIM with multi-media. I hope we get SICK of manuscripts and casettes and pictures with captions and TV episodes and radio shows and BLAH BLAH BLAH. I hope Saga and Alan have a lot of crazy shit go down with each other because they're also very shippable. I hope Alex Casey calls Alan a shitty writer because he's one of the only obvious "HI, I'M A BOOK CHARACTER INVENTED BY ALAN WAKE. I'M VERY MAD. ABOUT BEING CREATED BY ALAN WAKE."

Ideally I would have played all the Remedy games to be caught up by now on more of the AW2 hype and analysis, because I wish I had more things to say! But because I haven't finished Control or QB yet, I'm trying to stay away from stuff that technically spoils Control just by virtue of being in the AW-verse.

*this is technically a lie because I'm actually a huge multshipper :k lel catch me on ao3 writing about the most bizarre AW pairings just you fuckin wait

[au10]

Myspace blogs 2 & 3

One of my old Myspace blogs from back in the day. Several of these will be combined because they are short.

8/9/2006

Subject: more random thoughts...

Man is it ever hot temperature keeps going up. It seems always in the high 90's with the heat index over  100. Reminds me of that old Twilight Zone episode where If I recall there are some people in some sort of an apartment complex and the earth is moving toward the sun. Day by day making it hotter 'course the lady is dreaming only to see that the earth is in fact moving farther away from the sun. I love that show.

Bought world series of poker for my ps2. It's pretty good I am enjoying it.

There's a show on the sci-fi channel I been watching called who wants to be a super hero. It's uh very interesting to say the least but it's fun to watch

Stopped by a blood mobile today after the game store and donated some blood. It's always fun to do that but no free pizza though lol but if my blood helps then it's all worth it.

(2025 Update. I love the Twilight Zone. Great show and in fact not only is that one of my favorite episodes of all time but later on I discovered a graphic novel of it as well. It's called Midnight Sun. To be fair it's always hot in August here in Alabama.

The game was fun but I'm not very good at poker but I liked it.

I remember that show on the Sci-fi it was a strange show it lasted for two seasons as far as I know. It was hosted by Stan Lee.

Donated blood cool.)

Subject: Guess who's back!

DateCreated8/18/2006 11:07:00 PM

Ill-M-I, Ill-M-I, Ill-M-I, Ill-M-I and you Illuminati comin' thru...    Alright my freaks lets see here off the weekend thats always a good thing I suppose hmmm....

So there saying the JonBenét's killer has been caught all the way in Thailand no less...still i had read they still weren't sure that case has always been fishy I still say the parents more than they let on it happened in 1996 and now its 2006 that's 10 years I didn't realize it had been that long.

I purchased a Toby Mac CD today up a local Christian book store where my boy 'Siah works I like it and also saw some books that looked very interesting I think they were called House and Oath might have to check those out when i get some extra cash saw some other cd's as well I liked

well at work we have a new dept. manager he's pretty cool poor guy they bring him in when were like 2 weeks away from inventory...

although upon exploring the Christian store one thing struck me as odd...no copies of the passion yet return of the king...odd...

(2025 update The beginning line is from a Tobymac song. He is still one of my favorite artist even to this day.

The whole JonBenét's thing is still a mystery even to this day as far as I know. No one has ever been caught. Unless I'm mistaken. I once listened to a podcast about and how the authorities screwed up a lot on this case. As always there are numerous theories as to what happened and who the real killer is. I've hear it was possible about the parents. Also a theory was the brother too. As far as the supposed killer in Thailand this is what I found via Wikipedia.

"John Mark Karr, a 41-year-old school teacher, was arrested in Bangkok, Thailand, on August 15, 2006, following a false confession to murdering JonBenét.[85] Karr claimed to have drugged, sexually assaulted, and accidentally killed JonBenét.[86] According to CNN, "Authorities also said they did not find any evidence linking Karr to the crime scene."[87][88]

In the confession, Karr had provided only basic facts that were publicly known and failed to provide any additional convincing details. The claim that JonBenét was drugged cast further doubt on the confession because the autopsy indicated no drugs were found in her body.[89] Furthermore, Karr's DNA did not match DNA found on JonBenét's body"

Can't remember the new department manage but if it's who I recall then he wasn't really that great of a person. In fact I think he was a suck up and a snitch.

At the time my friend Josiah worked at a place called the Family Christian bookstore. It was really cool place and I liked it. In fact I was mistaken they did indeed have The Passion of the Christ. Sadly now that store has long been out of business.)

[cheswirls]

ok i def have decided i need to rewatch the finale to get a good consensus but after browsing the show's tag (granted this is 2 days after the finale aired so i understand the immediate hype has died down and people have had time to digest and criticize the show as a whole) and being met w a lot of long commentary posts instead of content for the finale i wanted to see (gifs, art, etc) i'm gonna attempt to formulate my thoughts in more detail before doing anything else

largely i do not think anyone's criticism matters to me but it was interesting to see the difference in opinion and a lot of the same critical beats i've seen repeated over and over bother me so (this is in no way a response to anyone btw!!!) here's my two cents:

jellyfish can't swim at night was good. i liked it! but there's a difference between good and great, and the same for liking and loving a show. i know that it was very entertaining and i had a lot of fun watching every episode, but i also didn't think about it much until it was saturday again and a new ep was out.

when i wrote that other post-finale thoughts post i had to look up kiui and kimura's names. i had to make sure meru was the correct girl i was thinking of. there's no denying i enjoyed the show, but i also think that joy was limited to when i was watching it. when i get super into an anime, i have no trouble memorizing everyone's names. the character designs in this anime are all unique and creative while still being in the scope of real-world possible. i say this to highlight that no one looked the same and yet i still struggled to remember everyone's given names, and it didn't help that most of the main cast each had a legal and stage name!

the show being Just Good isn't a problem, btw. it was never meant to be ground-breaking or tell this fantastic tale, after all. it's always been a show about teenage girls making music, and that's completely fine! actually, i didn't even look at it thru yuri-tinted glasses until the 5th episode and hadn't considered anything else beyond that at all (re, kiui possibly being nb). i said before that i was a little sad that kano/mahiru never went anywhere, but after soaking in the (limited) opinions of the masses, i changed my mind: i think it's fine.

largely why i think the finale was okay despite being rushed is that it left everything on a good note. i didn't even realize ep12 was the last until the title card, and yea i do think the narrative could've benefited from a 2-cour season or even a 13th episode, but the way things ended wasn't bad by any means. the point (imo) was to establish things getting better and wrapping up what was left uncertain or was at least not good. by 'not good' i mean not happy, etc. the finale certainly did this and i think it was pulled off rather well! but only because this anime is what it is. the story the creators wanted to tell was accomplished, the most important beats were closed out, and all ends well :)

my main takeaway abt all the yuri "bait" is that i've decided that i don't think of it as bait anymore. the anime in full takes place over the last year of high school for these four girls, and it ends with them graduating and getting ready to pursue their own paths in life. it's a happy, uplifting sorta open-ended, and i appreciate that. these four have found themselves and have worked through some of the issues in their lives that were holding them each back. now they have to get out into the world and explore their lives further. it's great! it's great, and i like that it ended this way. there's no need for absolutely everything to get wrapped up because it's not over! as shown with the montage in the very end, things are still moving forward, just beginning.

it's been a bit and i might be misremembering, but i think the kano/mahiru kiss in ep5 was the first kiss for one of them. it was impulsive and they didn't really talk about it, but i don't think it just "went nowhere" because of everything that followed. they're still on really good terms and they went out (i think one of them explicitly used the term 'date' when they did) and at the end i've decided that it's okay that nothing was explicitly defined. that implies to me that they're both figuring out what they want, and it's something either or both of them will have to grow into. there's a vast difference between queer bait and between putting a pin in a thought/idea. it goes along very well with the anime's open ending for me too.

the first two years after i graduated high school were easily the most pivotal years of my life. i learned so much about myself, and it's largely because of the different environment i was in. now that the four main characters are out of that life (even if only free from social stigma by not being highschool age anymore - kano and kiui weren't in school much but it is still something they can put behind them) and have more freedom to be able to do what they want (even if it just means not being trapped in school for 8+ hrs a day) then they will all definitely begin to change as people, more than the show has already expanded upon. and that is so exciting to me!!

another point abt the open-end is that i think from what i've seen, it's that aspect of the finale that's getting criticized. it's fine to not like open-endings! but they are legit forms of storytelling, and it's not "bad writing" to not tie everything in a pretty bow. to me, after watching the finale, the point of it ending the way it did was to highlight that none of the four main characters' stories are over. the vibe of this show was never supposed to be 100% serious and i think "teasing" mahiru and kano's relationship was meant to plant a seed of the possibility in each of their minds. not liking open-endings is not valid criticism for saying the entire show is terrible and the finale was bad. everyone can have their preferences, but the anime was never supposed to be groundbreaking plot-wise or content-wise and i think having a stigma against it in full bc it didn't feature what you wanted it to is stupid and childish. it showed a snapshot (not even a full year!!!!! c'mon now) in the lives of four different people and did a good enough job of navigating all of them in the runtime it got. not every anime has to be 100% conclusive and this is definitely a good example of such.

[notebookmusical]

Hi!!!! I'm so sorry I didn't reply again until now. I wanted to reply the other day but basically my ask got deleted halfway thru replying and I didn't have time again until now. I'm so glad you had a great time at the movie. It seems like you had a lot of fun and i'm glad you were able to see it again. I expected there not to be a lot of people at the last show since it was so late and it was an added show on Thursday. It did make me wanna see it again just to experience it with other people but I don't know if I will. I hope it comes to streaming so I can watch it over and over. I loved noticing new things seeing it up close. What did your friend think of the whole show? Sometimes I forget how incredible it is how Taylor created and came up with it mostly by herself..a true mastermind! I'm grateful that I was able to go to the show at least once compared to the people that didn't. It did make me nostalgic for my show but I also loved the surprise songs cuz it was like how the fans that have been there from the beginning since Our Song to now with You're On Your own Kid just made it special. Aww she really put it on and said it was her favorite!!! I knew about the cut songs beforehand but my sister didn't and it took her some time to realize any were cut. I understand some of them cuz it didn't have choreography and I guess the movie maybe felt a little long but also everything went by fast too. But that was the one that hurt the most cuz its one of my favorites. It's also the only single from the album so I couldn't believe she cut it. I love them all but my favorites are probably Speak Now and Folklore too, along with rep.

I never listened to Renee's EP cuz I was waiting until her album but I do plan to hear them together probably next week. The few songs I've heard so far I've liked though. I have to give Holly's album a few more listens as well before I know my favorites but which ones did you like the best? I also enjoyed Boygenius as well. Ya I am curious about the movie version but I'm not excited about it or anything. I don't think it would change much from the stage version, but I'm happy it's at least people kinda from Broadway. I never saw anything from Sabrina if she ever was on Broadway, cuz I can't remember..but I agree..she could've been a great Cady. I remember the stunt cast for Cameron Dallas and apparently he was so bad lol. I'm sorry you didn't get to see it on Broadway but I might see it on tour in a few months to compare it to the movie. I also heard a Waitress proshot is coming soon so I'm probably more interested in seeing that, cuz I couldn't on tour.

So one of the reasons I didn't reply to you was cuz we went to see Les Mis last night!!! We were trying to go on Wednesday but it didn't work out so I didn't wanna tell you I was seeing it if I wasn't sure I could go. But it was so amazing and probably top 5 shows I've seen. I would want to go again to have better seats and cuz there was a lot going on, on stage, that I missed. It was really funny though cuz I hadn't thought of the musical in a while but of course I still knew all of the words haha. It felt really fast paced and I wish I could've paid more attention or soaked it in more..that was kinda my first time seeing a sung through show, so it was a good thing I knew it so well lol. My favorite parts were I Dreamed a Dream, The Confrontation, Stars, and One Day More, but I really loved the flow of Act One. The barricade scenes were good too, but the set was pretty dark which made it kinda hard to see. Of course I thought of you every time they said Cosette! And I noticed it was a lot haha. Anyway I also remembered I saw Moulin Rouge on tour almost the exact same day last year which is a crazy coincidence! I only know that cuz it was around when Midnights came out..which is today and I wanna know how you feel about it when it first came out compared to now. I think it's grown on me a lot and I do love it way more now. I can't believe 1989 is only a week away! I'm so excited to hear new Taylor songs to react to..it's so fun and will be fun to see if we have the same favorites.

Wow cool..that's awesome that you met up at your show! You're so sweet to say that and I realized we have been talking back and forth for a while now. I definitely think of you as my friend! Sometimes I worry that I have nothing interesting to say but then I also worry I talk so much lol. But that's why I say you shouldn't worry about replying..but I didn't want you to feel like I forgot about you either. I really do enjoy our conversations and how we just talk about our interests since I don't really have anyone else to talk about this stuff with. It feel weird that you don't know what I look like or that I'm just online, and sometimes I feel weird about it. Books are something I'm glad we can bond over, since my sister doesn't have as much time for reading, and I'm excited to start the book soon. If we are reading the Night Circus too, it's okay cuz I can read two books at the same time but just let me know. I read the summary of those on Goodreads and it reminded me of Only Murders in the Building, even if I haven't even watched the show yet but it's on my list. If you've seen it, let me know how it is. I am not a big thriller or mystery reader but it did seem interesting so I'm glad you enjoyed them! I'm sorry if I forgot anything, but I might not be able to reply until Monday if you reply to this though..just to let you know. I hope you have a nice weekend!

hi friend!! hope you're having a good weekend 🤍 i saw something on twitter about it maybe going to prime, but i take most things i see on twitter with a grain of salt 😭 my friend really liked it — and is super excited to see her next year 🥺 i understand why a lot of them were cut (choreo, etc) but i was really bummed because i love long live and the archer and cardigan and - well, all of them. i was talking to some friends on thursday about how if we could change anything in the eras setlist in a way that wouldn't alter production too much (i.e. costume changes, choreography, speeches, giving her time to rest a bit, etc) what would we change and so i want to ask you the same question! what would you change if you could? i think i said i'd switch out i knew you were trouble with holy ground or red! i would personally also maybe switch all too well 10 for the 5 minute version, and then add our song or i'm only me when i'm with you (or both) instead, just so i could get my little debut songs in. but i do think it's pretty perfect and even the songs that i don't gravitate towards listening to regularly are SO much fun live. the rep set is SO good; we've talked about how it's not my favorite album of hers but honestly one of my favorite eras performances i think.

i think elvis impersonators, cocoon, and ghost me are in my top 3, but i'm not entirely sure yet! i can't wait to hear more of your thoughts on holly's album!! sabrina was only cady for like, two days so not a whole lot exists out there! but i really liked her take on cady. i feel like more often than not i am disappointed with stunt casting (i understand why they do it though) — speaking of stunt casts, i'm curious to see how jordan fisher does as orpheus in hadestown! i'm seeing the tour in a few weeks and i'm super excited to finally see someone who isn't reeve carney haha! and yes — waitress proshot! it was announced yesterday or the day before, i think! my friend texted me about it but i'm not sure if i'll have time to go see it in cinemas. hopefully it gets put on streaming sometime soon too!! i just remembered broadwayhd exists — there's so much on there that i haven't seen (that being said, if you've never seen daddy long legs the musical, i do recommend it because megan mcginnis' voice is beautiful and i just love her — although the actual musical content/plot is a bit questionable — and of course, she loves me and allegiance are also ones i'd recommend)! i didn't know they did a proshot of snapshots — john cardoza was in it and i really like him (i saw him in the notebook + really like what i've heard of him in moulin rouge + like what i heard of him in the snapshots cast recording) so i might give that a watch sometime! and i forgot they filmed the production of first date that sam barks was in! i was also just thinking of submissions only, which was a web series back in like 2012 and is pretty scrubbed from the internet now, unfortunately but i loved it. did you ever watch smash? now i'm feeling incredibly nostalgic!

oh my gosh did you have fun at les mis!!! i really liked the marius on tour (gregory lee rodriguez) — his marius is so earnest and so charming; i saw him in a show here in seattle a few years ago and i remember thinking he was a very likable actor so i was really excited to see him in les mis when i saw the tour in june! the barricade scenes are some of my favorites, but yes — lighting can be tricky! i've been meaning to rewatch the movie at some point as well, but it's so long and such a commitment. i was also ... doing a VERY good job of working at my les mis reread/annotations but then ... did not do that. so we'll see if i pick it back up or if i decide to push it off to next year haha. and no way! that's such a cool coincidence!

i really like midnights; i think it's a solid album — but i do find myself reaching for the 3am tracks over some of the songs on midnights proper a lot! it's interesting because my friends and i did a little ~ prediction ~ of our favorites based on names and i could not have been more wrong. i said lavender haze, anti hero, you’re on your own kid, question…? and sweet nothing were ones that stood out to me, and i do like them, don't get me wrong, but the only one i listen to A LOT is you're on your own kid. i think my top listened to midnights tracks/favorite midnights tracks are (in no particular order): yoyok, mastermind, the great war and dear reader. what about you?

you don't need to worry about not having anything interesting to say! i love chatting with you — you can literally come talk to me about anything you want! and you don't need to apologize for taking your time to reply either! and i'm happy to do whatever works for you reading schedule wise / buddy reading wise! i haven't watched OMITB but i've heard really good things and there's apparently a lot of broadway people cameos in the third season? which is fun!

hope you're having a good weekend 🤍 🤍 !!

[nagsusulatnamais]

A change of perspective = change of heart

I remember this quote from a blog long long time ago where her partner said non-verbatim "I would show you everyday that I am worthy of every ounce of your love, that you made the right decision of loving me."

That was a post by a single woman in her 20s. Now, they are married with two angels.

I know it happened a year ago and I should've at least gotten over it but with that experience it led me to a different path, the path of building walls again - afraid of getting hurt. I have completely changed lens when it comes to relationships.

Written last March 10, 2023

Always remember that you are only responsible for your reactions, you answer to yourself, you are capable of making sound decisions. And you make yourself a responsible person, Mace.

I have a dilemma where my morals when it comes to relationships doesn't meet my morals when it comes to my work ethics. Instead of making scenarios, crying thru my night shifts during work hours, maybe, I should divert and do a big focus on my career/work. I am not doing the best I have for the past 3 years in the company I am in. This is an honest review of myself to my employed self.

About the above post, some events in our life are just hard to let go because it killed something in us that we dearly valued. I’d like to believe that it happened because it's time for us to shift. To shift our perspective, throw away our old school of thought for a new one, be open to experiences because you're only here for a few years, forgive because you have to release the pain that's weighing you down.

As Dr. Swift said "Part of growing up and moving into new chapters of your life is about catch and release. ","Decide what is yours to hold and let the rest go. Oftentimes the good things in your life are lighter anyway, so there’s more room for them. One toxic relationship can outweigh so many wonderful, simple joys. You get to pick what your life has time and room for. Be discerning. "

I want to say that there are a few good things in my life, but it will sound that I'm not grateful as there are a lot of things I get to do. Which I should give more focus on. Just to name a few of my favorite good things, the list includes my Cat named Pity, my ever-loving Mom, my super Dad, and my favorite siblings in the world Ayie and Cy.

Aside from these humans, I get to do a lot of introspecting, using of my mind, and a lot of writing these past few days. There are also those experiences that I was just wishing to experience it — in which I get to do now. Growing up I thought I was adaptable to any situations, turns out I just didn’t have any structures, I'm just freelancing my way to life, however, now that I'm old and building some "structures" of my own. I find myself struggling to change some of it because I've established something aligned with what I feel right.

But, since this is life and it's ever changing like earth I have to change my views, thoughts, self, and some parts that are not working well with me, aligned with what I am in. It's hard.

Well, at least I'm doing something. It's time to do some change of heart.

Sharing some favorite quotes from Dr. Swift's speech.

“My experience has been that my mistakes led to the best things in my life. And being embarrassed when you mess up is part of the human experience.”

And so this may be hard for you to hear: In your life, you will inevitably misspeak, trust the wrong people, under-react, overreact, hurt the people who didn’t deserve it, overthink, not think at all, self-sabotage, create a reality where only your experience exists, ruin perfectly good moments for yourself and others, deny any wrongdoing, not take the steps to make it right, feel very guilty, let the guilt eat at you, hit rock bottom, finally address the pain you caused, try to do better next time, rinse, repeat.  And I’m not gonna lie, these mistakes will cause you to lose things.

I’m trying to tell you that losing things doesn’t just mean losing. A lot of the time, when we lose things, we gain things too. 

((Thinking about this quote above, when I lost my trust to the other person, I try to gain some for me.))

Anyway…hard things will happen to us. We will recover. We will learn from it. We will grow more resilient because of it. 

As long as we are fortunate enough to be breathing, we will breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out. And I’m a doctor now, so I know how breathing works. 

Too much writing today. I feel so alive. Good night.

[sungbeam]

You just tell her the truth, beamie. Time is not wasted unless you assume it so. Being lost is normal, and the fear is terrifying… but it is the truth and if your mother doesn’t understand (though by the sounds of it she won’t)… then it’s up to you to make sense of it.

I remember when I was in high school as a technical theatre student for my vocation. I made excuses when I first decided to go rather than pursue my passion. But I was just lost, and I felt a similar shame.

When my mom saw me finally apply for graphic design in college, I could tell she knew I had found my way. And even though I found it, I still had to gather my bearings and course correct after 4 years of doing tech work rather than performing like I knew I secretly desired. You may feel pathetic now, but I promise that what you feel is not how I see you and it’s probably how your mom sees you too.

The shit is gonna find it’s place and make sense in your life if you let it. Please don’t let these feelings take away the joy you have, because I can see it in the way you write that you love this. Most people who take breaks from tumblr don’t come back. But you did and I can’t tell you how relieved and happy I was that you did, because I saw it as a sign that you didn’t want to give up.

I have no idea if anything I said was a comfort or helped but I just had to say it. It hurts my heart to see y’all struggle, and I hope the ask comes out as something I wrote with positive intent.

- 🃏

sorry i had to take a break to cry again lol that sounds terrible but it's a hard 180 from last quarter when i couldn't cry at all, and it feels good and awful at the same time

as for everything u said, i do appreciate it a lot. im not good at responding to people trying to comfort me—its just something i've been so alienated from for a lot of my developing years, but i just want u to know that i've read over ur message at least three times and it makes me emotional and that's a good thing. ig i'm just used to feeling invisible so the fact that ur glad to see me coming back gives me some reprieve so thank u, truly

ik she would understand, or at least try to,, i called her last week absolutely demolished and in tears and finally told her how overwhelmed i felt and that it's led to me absolutely hating myself,, god, i could feel her devastation and helplessness thru the phone. now she asks after each phone call if i want to tell her anything, and idk how to articulate ... everything

anyways, sorry for the dumping, but i appreciate u thank u

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Okay so flashback to fall of 2020. I was attending Bible School at a college in Wisconsin, and despite ups and downs, I was having the time of my life.

And I had a crush.

He was a little younger than me, but a generally fun guy to be around, one of the most talented artists I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and he actually acknowledged my existence, which was a big step up from a lot of the guys in my life.

Anyways, I was hanging out in one of the student lounges with a friend of mine and said guy that I had a crush on, when he said the immortal words:

"Does anyone wanna go to Wendy's?"

"Wendy's?" you ask. "Kazzy, isn't this the dumpster divig story?"

Yes it is, and we're getting there. This is all important context. Now, stop interrupting.

Anyways, my friend, who has famously said, "I may be an 'ewww couples' person, but I am also a shipper," was well aware that I had a crush on the guy, so she did her friendly duty and made up some excuse not to join the guy and I to go to Wendy's, then gave me an exaggerated wink.

The Guy and I did end up bringing along a two other people— one of his guy friends and some random girl— and we set out to get something from Wendy's.

Let me tell you, it had been years since I had been to Wendy's. I didn't remember what was on the menu. Also, this is around the time I learned I have social anxiety. I was sitting in the backseat with a girl I'd only spoken to twice, with a guy I was interested in taking our drive thru orders.

And that guy had the audacity to inexplicably take our orders with a fake british accent. I don't know what possessed him to use a fake accent while the minimum wage employees took our order, but he did so anyways, and as humorous as it was, it was really distracting for me in many ways.

The cherry on the cake was that, when he asked me what I intended to order, I don't remember what it was that he said, but I remember he still used his british accent and turned and called back to me and called me "love," and my brain stopped working. I don't remember what I ordered. I don't remember if I ordered anything. All I remember is my heart skipping several dozen beats, and us leaving the drive thru, and the Guy saying something about "hey, there's a couple dumpsters nearby that we should check out."

He said it casually, as this was something he and his guy friend did often, but I had never done anything of the sort. I knew enough to know it was illegal, but that college students did it a lot anyways, and that sometimes they even found free pizza that way. So, with no other choice anyways, I tagged along.

Of course, I didn't get into the dumpster, and neither did the girl with us, but at least one of the guys did, and the other just stood near it and fished around inside. Meanwhile, myself and the girl just stood there watching them plow through the dumpster.

Anyways, we're standing there in Wisconsin, in October, at sometime between 7pm and 12pm, watching two guys dig through a dumpster. Neither of us girls had wanted to go upstairs to grab coats (our dorm rooms were on the fifth floor,) so it goes without saying that we were cold.

But, since this did not go without saying to the guys we were with, I figured I should say something anyways, and just said "I'm kinda cold."

There's something you should know about Bible School Guys. They come equipped with what I like to call The Damsel In Distress Beacon. When they sense a girl is in trouble, they'll help them, partly because their biggest fantasy is rescuing a pretty girl from Something, and her falling into his arms and staring into his eyes and falling in love and then marrying him and living happily ever after. This is chill with me, because, admittedly, one of my biggest fantasies is a nice guy rescuing me from Something (most likely another guy) and me falling into his arms with a hug to thank him, and staring in his eyes and falling in love and then marrying him and living happily ever after.

Anyways, when I said "I'm cold," I could practically see the two guys' shared brain cell, bouncing back and forth between their two craniums like a game of pong, until it eventually hit the button that activated one of their Damsel In Distress Beacons, which in turn activated the other ones'. Both guys then started yelling "take my jacket!" "no, take my jacket!" "JUST RIP MY JACKET OFF MY BODY, MY HANDS ARE DIRTY!" and, naturally, I took my crush's oversize leather jacket, which, despite being baggy on him, fit me perfectly because he was a scrawny little thing, and I was (and am) definitely not.

The other guy then stood in the dumpster, looking dejected, holding his jacket in his hands, until the other girl said "you know, I'm kind of cold too" and his whole face lit up as he suddenly remembered "oh! other girl exists! help other girl!"

Now, I'd later heard at least one person call the guy I had a crush on "desparate," but if he was, he must've been reslly stupid to boot, because when we made it back to the school, both us girls wearing the guys' jackets, and I looked at The Guy coyly and asked "Do you want your jacket back 🥺?" he looked at me like I was crazy and said "uh, yeah?" as if there was no reason in the world why a girl would want to hang onto his jacket.

I only ended up taking one thing from the dumpster dive, a consolation prize for one of their weirdest evenings of my life: a bag of minature pumpkins, a couple of which were moldy and promptly trashed, but the rest I kept on my desk and proudly dubbed my "dumpkins," or "dumpster pumpkins."

The girl and I never spoke to each other again, except maybe once in passing, and to this day I can't remember if the other guy was a guy I would later have a crush on or if he was the student who dated one of the interns I was friend with, bur I remember the crush got kicked out of college a few weeks later due to poor grades. Go figure ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

It occurs to me that I've never told you guys about The Dumpster Diving Incident

[atlantis-scribe]

things i (think) i know about Stargate Universe: a Stargate SG-1 & SGA Enjoyer's list of slightly accurate pre-viewing 'knowledge' gathered thru fandom osmosis

there's a ship called Destiny (AKA the Ancient Tesla) that's been traveling thru deep space for who knows how long to reach who knows where in order to do who knows what (it's classic Alteran modus operandi so this part doesn't really surprise me)

before that there's also an offworld base called Icarus, which is definitely a pretty ordinary name and not at all ominous and is in fact a great choice to call a facility you want to operate successfully

there's a character named Eli and a character named Rush. they may or may not be the same person

one of the crew is a video game player (?) who was recruited to the Stargate Program, the highly exclusive, top-secret international initiative for intergalactic exploration, because they are so good at playing video games (ousting John Sheppard & his One-Gene Qualification from the top spot in Luckiest Career Moves of the 21st Century)

Robert Carlyle is present, possibly as the only character who has the faintest clue what Destiny is and where it's going and what it's for

Will from Sense8 is also here, but he doesn't look like he knows what's going on at any given time

at some point, Daniel was convinced to record NOVA-esque videos about Stargate 101 for when the project gets declassified in the future (or maybe for new recruits like Video Game Guy? who, understandably, may not know a lot about wormholes or glowing squids or space snakes because why would they)

Daniel does not look happy in these videos

He looks good tho I'll give them that

Because Destiny cannot be stopped or turned around, and because the gate only works one-way, the infamous Communication Stones are used to temporarily take control of another person's body to talk to people on Earth or visit the ship

Yes, the same stones that made Jack O'Neill drift compatible with a barber from Indiana and made Vala experience what it's like to be burned alive (sorry Vala)

Stargate Universe also made it very difficult to refer to the setting of the entire franchise, because having to say 'The Main Universe Where Events in Stargate Happen' can be a bit of a mouthful

We also revisit Langara (AKA Jonas's planet) because the writers remembered that naquadria is a thing (but apparently still no Jonas?? because the writers hate me)

The Lucian Alliance becomes a problem again, this time not just because of space corn

Rodney shows up (!!) at some point, and someone (a Colonel?) uses their Very Important Screen Time to show the audience that John Sheppard still gossips about McKay every chance he gets (I'm 59% sure this particular interaction is not just from a fic)

SGU is apparently the Voyager of the franchise

There better be a newbie who Totally Didn't Sign Up For This who loves science and adores his mom because I need another Harry Kim in my life

I've been putting off watching SGU because I have a behemoth of a post-SGA WIP and canon is like insect for my brain only the termite variety

But I'm sick and in bed what else am I gonna do, figured it's now or never

Okay I'm gonna start now wish me luck

I'M SORRY IT TOOK ALMOST A YEAR AFTER I SAID I WOULD I'M A GIRL WITH A JOB