#relationships without talking abt that clusterfuck so nxnxnnx
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mikeshanlon · 5 years ago
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anyways kevin day is bi and has internalized biphobia. Like......
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SUCH an internalized bipohbia/homophobia thing to say oh my god like when i had it really rough i would just be like, ‘well i like the opposite gender so my same gender attraction is just a fluke and it’s easier to be straight so i’ll be straight’. also it’s so largly tied to Court and Exy, the thing kevin has been striving for (and forced to strive for) his whole entire life. he can’t fathom ‘purposely’ doing something that could mess up his career (other than leaving the ravens which was necessary for him to continue to play). And if he DID make any mistakes he’d be punished for it by the master or riko, so he’d been literally conditioned to try to take the path of least resistance in order to survive when it came to riko/exy (for example having to pass to riko so he gets the glory even though kevin could easily score more points if he were to play to his full potential. the press starting to theorize that kevin is actually better than riko is why riko eventually broke his hand).
Don’t get me wrong i think it’s fucked up that he tried to make that decision for neil or say this to nicky who he knows is gay. But to kevin, whose whole purpose in life is Exy, who grew up in hive mind mentality of the nest, it makes perfect sense to him to sacrifice something about your identity to give yourself to the game. (But it’s still different compared to, for example, aaron, who sneers in disgust at any gay affection and calls neil a slur at the cabin/assumes he’s predatory, which is just plain ol’ homophobia). 
This is said more outright in this bonus content ask which like i dont want to or possess the mental capacity to really get into all of the other international implications RLGKJRJGK, but it also further suggests that in previous iterations kevin had sexual relationships with men, (also i believe there were drafts were k/a/n were together so that also suggests attraction to men):
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(Also i lowkey think part of Kevin’s need to have a good image and strive to be the best--or, second best at first-- is because it’s the only connection he has to his late mother, Exy Founder and Legend, anymore, but I digress).
It’s really only exacerbated by the blasé attitude of sex at the nest, where they are like ‘well it doesn’t matter who you hook up with this is just a means of releasing tension and means nothing’. (Which like b fucking s, NXNNXX sorry but ??? I mean there has to be some sort of attraction and that’s so unhealthy but whatever i can’t try to truly psychoanalyze those goth weirdos). So any experience kevin might have with guys is further invalidated bc it’s just like. That’s How It Is, It Doesn’t Mean Anything.
And furthermore, in some of the bonus content it’s said that riko decided when and who kevin was going to lose his virginity to, (who kevin wasn’t attracted to). And then he told kevin to hook up with thea to release their on court tension (who kevin was attracted to, but it’s still lowkey fucked up?? and then the feelings he was harboring for her were not allowed by the ravens). So WHO kevin was supposed to be attracted to or engage with (and how) was literally controlled by riko-- even more than forcing him to be heterosexual. the only experience kevin really has with exploring his own feelings is with thea, and again that was orchestrated by riko (who was... watching while they did it like YIKES HELLO!??!? I RLLY HATE THE NEST Y’ALL), and then he was told by thea that he’s esentially inadequate and needs to get better-- which hey, like i’m sure that was true erglkerjg but i just can’t belive that such a remark wouldn’t make u feel shitty? especially when riko was in the room and that a whole other clusterfuck of an inferiority issue??? (even if it was meant to be flirty, like haha let’s do it again, i feel like it at least wouldn’t help his relationship with sex/sexuality). Any further Emotional Stuff was done in secret, and they only gave some glimpses of any piece of identity they had outside of exy to one another so. I mean we all knew this but kevin is extremely emotionally stunted, he wasn’t allowed to explore or express emotions other than, like... anger and frustration and play exy elkrgjkreg. 
You contrast this with like one of the only times we see Kevin be genuinely happy when they play USC and he gets to see jeremy (who he Stans and has Heart Eyes for) (described as mutually adoring rivals!):
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He and jeremy have an easy rapport, Kevin can be himself around jeremy and jeremy’s just like :D. this was fighting for bi rights and ppl (bitchass riko) were killed!!! 
And albeit a different context than sexuality, we see that one of the reasons kevin admires the trojans so much is that unlike the ravens they are willing to make mistakes and learn from them, they are willing to go through obstacles and persevere (which of course is a big thing surrounding kevin’s story).
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Again this suggests Kevin felt held back and trapped as a Raven, he could not be the best him he could be-- not about exy, not about his identity.
Anyways I wholeheartedly believe that as Kevin has reclaimed his spine and identity post-TKM and works through all of that trauma and issues as best as he can, he is able to work through the internalized biphobia/homophobia ingrained in him by the ravens and learns to love himself!
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