#relationships and humans are messy

[elenaferrante]

So Joe wasn't so bad at the end. I mean he was depressed, and I know when you are depressed we can be horrible people, but we don't want to be like that. I get Taylor was trying to be for him but sometimes that doesn't work at all, I understand she wanted to be free for that, it is not easy. It's sad because I really thought they would be forever but if it wasn't working at the end the best thing was to break up. But why is she so mad at him? Bc he didn't try harder? That's what I don't understand

I think it’s complicated, and it’s hard for me, an external person, to reduce the why to “a list”. I would say that from what we can gather from her songs, she feels like he stopped putting effort into their relationship, stopped showing up for her, grew resentful of her. And then she of him. I am sure a big part of this is because he was struggling, but I’m not sure if there is a valid reason for not being there for your partner (I say this as some who also has severe anxiety and depression.) I also think it contributed to her mental health also spiralling down. Taylor made a lot of sacrifices and adjustments for him, and perhaps she didn’t feel like he appreciated them.

It seems like he made her promises that he didn’t keep, and now she feels like she wasted her time with him. It sounds like she didn’t feel secure with him, at least towards the end, and couldn’t trust him as he either cheated or went close to it. They just stopped communicating, which made them grow apart.

Lastly, id say that when a relationship ends, especially a long one like this - sometimes you’re just mad at the other person cause. Cause.

[i-cant-get-into-my-other-account]

Like idk but-- something about how Laios is never once portrayed as desirable in the traditional way really gets to me. The entire series is about every kind of desire and how people deal with it, but as for the main character?? Sexually?? Romantically?? Not one single person. (There was that one auxiliary character but she was after his favor as team leader/perceived birth status, though he actually ran away from it all.)

There are even several jokes about how undesirable he is from a sexual/romantic standpoint. And while yes that does have some aroace flavor to it, given that he (in the show/manga anyway) shows no interest in romance or sex himself, so of course he wouldn't try to be appealing that way, I find it comforting from just-- a general standpoint??

Like that an author sat down and wrote a main character that's just plain awkward and unattractive in-universe, noticed, joked about sometimes (after all it is a comedy series), but the character himself is never ever The Joke, Laios is always shown as worth it. Worth watching. Worth knowing.

He's socially inept, the only reason he even shaves and cuts his hair is because he doesn't want to look like his father, he doesn't even care about romance let alone have the skills to be a good partner, and just... so what?? The story never asks us why. He just is.

He's the main character, he's himself. His story is worth telling, screw the love interest sideplot. It's worth seeing through.

He's enough.

[vanrougenui]

i went into tbhk in 2018 thinking its a cute slice of life comedy manga oh the way tides change.... it was never a comedy slice of life manga to begin with

[officialspec]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

first off i hate this ask and i think youre a freak. in any other world i wouldve blocked you for this but unfortunately for both of us i actually like this type of philosophy. dont send this shit to anyone else though

i dont think its right to compare human sexuality to the same thing in animals, to get that out of the way. im sure until a certain point it comes from the same biological impulses, but human beings have way more complicated social structures and reasons for coupling that just do not exist in other animals. our social behaviours are what make us unique in the animal kingdom and that definitely extends to gender and sexuality. so theres that

people love to tout 'gender is a social construct' around like its a criticism in and of itself, which i think betrays a misunderstanding about social constructs in general. theyre the foundations we build language on to better understand each other, and affected by a whole host of cultural and historical factors. just because theyre subjective and complicated doesnt mean they arent real. in terms of the effect they have on peoples lives they may be the most real thing that exists

for example, 'kindness' is a social construct. the definition and ways it is enacted differ greatly across personal and cultural lines. but no one would ever suggest a world where kindness doesnt exist or loses meaning, because its an essential part of the way we interact with each other (in the same way i dont really see a world where gender entirely ceases to exist, mainly just one where people have more fun with it. im not a psychic though so who knows)

similarly, sexuality in humans is another social construct. i think the driving biological forces behind it are very real, but the labels people attach to those impulses are subjective attempts to express their inner world to the people around them if that makes sense. and those same biological impulses are ALSO subject to social ideas of gender, because those ideas are established at birth and reinforced over a persons entire lifetime

to use myself as an example, im a gay trans man. ive identified as other things in the past, because i was trying to pick apart feelings i had and express them to others in an attempt to find community. my identity might change as i get older and experience new things, or it might not. i identify as gay because im not attracted to the social concept of women, and someone i would otherwise be attracted to might lose all appeal after i find out they fall under that concept (this has happened before w transfems pre and post coming out lol)

of course, the real REAL answer to this is that trying to give queer identities rigid and objective definitions is a fools errand, and also lame as fuck. someone might identify as gay and be more attracted to general masculinity than men as a social category, maybe they fool around with a couple of butch women without considering themself any less gay. two otherwise identical people might be a butch lesbian and a gay trans man without either of those identities coming into conflict. they might even be the same person at different times of the week

the labels people choose to use are communication tools, not objective signifiers. if you dont understand them, they probably arent talking to you

social constructs are everything. we as humans have the unique ability to interpret our own messy desires and impulses into words that other people can use to form an idea of someone else in their mind. its how we build connections, and of course it isnt perfect because trying to squeeze someones entire personal history and the centuries of context that defined it into a handful of syllables is going to leave some room for error. but its all we have, yknow? so we keep trying. and i think thats much more human than any imposed objective 'truth' could ever be

tldr we live in a society dipshit. get with it

[leechlets]

rip claudia and daniel, you would have loved gay divorce and breaking the cycle. fly high angels 🙏

[fictionadventurer]

The worst part about reading in a genre where you have low expectations (in this case, Christian historical fiction) is that when a book impresses you, you have no idea if it's actually good or if you're just overly impressed because it was a fraction of a degree better than the usual garbage.

[gothic-mothic]

Narrator, please, you’re crushing the poor boy

(Jack black voice) have you guys seen the new fnaf trailer

[skymagpie]

I have thoughts about the opening of TWW as it stands now, it just doesn't work for me because it makes all of the involved characters look incompetent at best and straight up stupid at worst. You are telling me there was no serious council meeting to decide whether they should bring a city with civilians into uncharted territory without scouting ahead?

When Dalaran was ported during Legion it was out of necessity (as it was under attack) and then it housed some of the strongest people on Azeroth (the Class Hall representatives) while also reinforcing it's defenses. Sure they were going to port it anyway, but it happened now with little preparation because they were getting bombarded. In TWW Khadgar asks you to go help people nail shelves to the wall before teleporting. And everyone knows that Magni's vision showed a city burning at Khaz Algar. Does it never occur to anyone that maybe we are in danger bringing a city over without any prior knowledge of this location?

Also everyone keeps saying that this was done because there was no other choice, the citizens of Dalaran should've known what they are in for (dying apparently), Dalaran was used as a military base before, Xal'atath sabotaged it from within (where? lmao) and like all of this could've been fixed in one scene while also not making everyone look like an idiot.

Instead of the pointless Radiant Echoes quest, have the pre-patch event be Alleria leading hunting parties after Xal'atath that always lead to a dead end. Have Alleria literally be stressed and worn down over days and weeks so that she is too distracted to even suspect Xal'atath might be in Dalaran already. Use the repetitive gameplay aspect of the event to wear down the player too and give us that sense of pointless hunting that Alleria is also experiencing at this point.

Then have her attend a council meeting with Khadgar and the others, including Drenden, and have Thrall, Jaina, Anduin and Magni there too. Show us how tired Alleria is of this chase and have Khadgar comfort and encourage her that she is doing everything she can. Then have him voice his concerns about porting the city on a whim, Khadgar is as responsible for the lives of the people in Dalaran as the ones they try and help. Have the council disagree with this porting.

And then have Drenden stand up and say how even though he is new, he knows of how Dalaran stood against the Burning Legion and how the world needs them now and this is a sacrifice that must be made. Almost convince the player he is not Xal'atath. Have Xal'atath as Drenden address Khadgar directly and play into his heroism and goodness and cast any doubt aside about this porting before he makes the final call. Show us how Xal'atath sways the entire council to do this one decision on a whim. Even have Khadgar tell Drenden to secure the wards around the city.

This will just pay off so much in the scene between Xal'atath and Khadgar because you know she dogwalked him during that council meeting and played into his virtues and ultimately he now thinks its his fault he moved the city here and cost all those people their lives. Why not have him die with regrets? Feeling like a failure?

To top it off, in the scene where Drenden reveals himself as Xal'atath to Alleria, why have him just grin to her and act like Xal'atath in drag? Give him few more seconds of sounding like Drenden, tell Alleria that maybe she is just tired of all this hunting, put his hand on her shoulder and just have the realization that he is Xal'atath slowly sink in so that Xal'atath reveals herself once Alleria already knows.

Not saying this would be perfect, but just one scene like the council meeting could've established so much about these three characters and add more weight to the loss everyone suffers. Let them be human, let them have doubts and disagreements, show Xal'atath playing right into that and actually manipulating the stage and the council right under the players noses too.

[friendbreakfast]

i do really really like how theyre putting a spotlight on the lowkey toxic elements in Simon and Betty's relationships. like none of them mean to hurt the other or anything but Simon just doesn't think about how one-sided their relationship is and how much Betty abandons in order to be with him and i feel the miniseries is definitely gonna address that before its finished, considering Fionna's question of "So, did you go with her?" and Simon's confused question like "No, why would I've-?". like hes REALIZING it.

and its in such a subtle way. like i didnt even notice how lowkey one-sided it was until it was pointed out here on tumblr but just by remembering the show's events and all their relationship has been up to now, its SO CLEAR now. like once you notice its so blatant!!!

[dollypopup]

if the end of episode 4 / part 1 of season 3 isn't the lady whistledown reveal and colin's blowup/meltdown about it. . .what are we even doing here? i saw someone go 'ooooh what if debling proposes and penelope says yes and that's the cliffhanger?'

my sister in christ, that literally holds ZERO weight and tension in polin's story. debling is an afterthought. a nothingburger to create extra drama. he is literally disposable as a character because we KNOW penelope and colin are endgame. that relationship will fall apart and the how of it. . .doesn't matter.

but lady whistledown? lady whistledown is the guillotine of their relationship and it has been hanging above their heads on a fraying string for YEARS now. it affects EVERYTHING that comes after. she is penelope's mask that has to be peeled off. she will flay colin's gentlemanly exterior clean to the bone.

just like. . .idk, think about the narrative structure for a second. it's being framed as a romcom, right? what does every romcom need?

a meetcute, a growing closeness, some external drama, a big relationship stresser / test, an *oh* moment, a reconciliation, a happy ending

debling is the external drama, not the stresser. debling cannot threaten polin's ship as endgame, or polin in general, because he literally does. not. matter. he was created by shonda to drive home the point that penelope is now post-glow-up (which also doesn't matter, because their relationship (debling and pen's) goes against the very heart of bridgerton as a concept, which is to fall in love in unconventional ways. oh how did the two of you meet? at a ball? dancing together? HOW riveting (not)), he is not meant to be the stress or fracture in polin as a pairing

meetcute? flashback of polin as kids growing closeness? the lessons, reveals he's a writer, the kiss external drama? she's dancing with other peeps big relationship stressor? LADY WHISTLEDOWN *oh* moment? AFTER LADY WHISTLEDOWN REVEAL. when he sees who Penelope is as a FULL person and falls for her anyway reconciliation? AFTER LADY WHISTLEDOWN REVEAL!! at their engagement ball when she publishes about Cressida not being LW even though she said she'd stop and he realizes he loves her even if she's upset him, the same way Penelope realizes *she* loves *him* even if he's upset her happy ending? you guessed it. AFTER. THE. LADY. WHISTLEDOWN. REVEAL (and honestly, probably the death of Lady Whistledown. because it depresses me to think that Penelope's ultimate happy ending is to continue writing petty gossip for the rest of her days when she could be fucking her hot husband on various beautiful beaches around the world and they write novels together)

lady whistledown is. the unearthing of her as another side of penelope. the secret cracking open, colin's facade fulling fading, his fury and humanity made tangible, penelope's nuance, her strengths and weaknesses and fears and hopes now barefaced. the harms she committed, the triumphs she accomplished. the strain it has on them as a pairing, the dynamic shift it introduces

i will eat my SHOES if part 1 doesn't end on the lady whistledown reveal because if it doesn't. . .what are we even doing here?

[nonbinary-eddie-munson]

I was thinking about how the run away with me au Robin and Steve "should we get divorced?" conversation comes about:

Theyre about 23 and Robin comes home in tears after another break up. The reason: Robin had asked her girlfriend of 8 months, Lorraine to move in with her and steve. Lorraine assumes this means steve is moving out and when Robin clarifys that no Steve is staying, he's an important part of her life theyre married for chists sake. Well Lorraine doesnt take that well, says she isnt going to spend her life playing second fiddle to Steve.

This isnt the first time a relationship had ended for either of them because a partner hadnt been able to accept that Steve and Robin were a package deal. Things had been especially rough for them romantically in the first couple years of their marriage. It wasnt until a particularly awful screaming match between Robin, Steve and Steves first real boyfriend, that they were able to admit their relationship was incredibly codependent and unhealthy. Steves boyfriend had been upset when Steve had cancelled on him for the 3rd time in a row because of a Robin Emergency™️ and decided to confront Robin about it while Steve was in class. Things escalated quickly when Steve came home early from class to find them arguing and immediately took Robins side. The argument and Steves relationship ended with a slammed door, a lot of tears and a new rift in Robin and Steves relationship.

It took a lot of long conversations with Carina and Marjorie, Steve working through his toxic masculinity enough to go see a therapist - He and Robin made a deal that theyd both go talk to someone about, you know almost dieing "do you think me being fucked up by what happened at starcourt makes me weak steve?" "No of course not!" "Well then why would it make you weak?" - and a summer spent apart (Robin taking an internship in rome to study latin) for them to sit down and have a long conversation about boundaries and ground rules for how they would navigate their relationship as well as dating in the future.

Steve and Robin agreed to both take a break from dating while they worked through their respective traumas, and figured out how to navigate their relationship in a healthy way. Things werent easy, the both of them occasionally backsliding into unhealthy behaviors, more than a few nights where one of them spent the night with Carina and Marjorie in order to have space from eachother. But eventually they get their shit figured out and decide to brave the world of dating again. Steve and Robin both have their share of flings and short lived relationships but nothing so far seemed to stick. That is until Robin met Lorraine.

Lorraine was funny, sweet and a little bitchy. They had immediately clicked after being introduced by some mutual friends from school. Robin really thought things with Lorraine were going to work out. Steve and Lorraine had gotten on like a house on fire, she had slipped into Robin and Steves dynamic easily, trading jokes and light hearted jabs, cooking breakfast together on days Lorraine would stay at their apartment. Robin had fallen hard and fast, she thought she had finally found someone who accepted that her and Steve were a package deal. So 8 months in when Lorraines lease was ending Robin (with agreement from steve) asked Lorraine to move in. Things don't go to plan. Robins dreams of a future with lorraine are shattered. She goes home broken hearted.

After Robin has cried herself out, her and steve cuddled together on the couch Steve is the one to broach the topic. Robin immediately bursts back into tears before he calms her back down again saying he doesnt want a divorce but he also doesnt want to hold Robin back, doesnt want to be the reason she cant find happiness. Robin replys by saying if anyone is holding the other back its obviously her, steve gave up everything to protect her afterall. Steve calls bullshit -years of therapy and he can finally say that word without cringing- says he would do it all again in a heartbeat, that she doesn't owe him anything. They stay up all night talking about it, about what the both of them want from their futures. Neither can see a future without the other. they're platonic life partners, one day they'll find their someones who can accept that and if not well, they'll always have eachother.

Of course they do find their someones in the form of a charming if infuriating metal head and a brilliant, sweet, and badass reporter. Through trial and error the four of them figure out how to navigate life together. They all live happy ever after.

Robin and Steve celebrate 30 years of marriage with divorce papers. They'll always love eachother but now they dont need a marriage to keep eachother safe. They dont need a marriage to stay as platonic life partners. They have eachother and they have Eddie and Nancy. They have everything they need.

-

Lmk what you think! I'd love to have someone to scream with about this AU and bounce ideas off of :D

Tagging by request <3 @ramyayaya

[autisticcole]

Heheheheheho I have gotten some of the Dragon Age books (🏴‍☠️) and this is gonna really let me dig into some stuff, especially my favorite guy Cole, cause now I can read his OG appearance, I want to see how much stuff Cole says, especially during his quest actually makes sense, and how much is in-universe "both sides are right"ing about not listening to what Cole wants to do.

I am mainly talking about Spirit!Cole thanking Inky for not making him change... Despite the fact that thoughout Cole's quest Solas ignores what Cole wants (Like being binded) & wants to do (Kill the guy who beat beyond beating a 12 (at most) year old (most likely, it isn't outright stated (to my memory) the Templar who fucked up the paperwork was also one of the ones who physically abused him, but I feel it's a pretty safe assumption) & got that child killed due to neglect & faced no consequences) but ultimately the choice that causes Cole to thank the player for not changing him is the one where you listen to Solas over Cole (Or well Varric, who also doesn't let Cole do what he wants but is closer to what Cole would have done if he had went alone for the confrontation) & in this route I would say Cole's character changes a lot more, especially as he forgets the original Cole, which... Rubs me wrong, but I'll save my more detailed thoughts for 1. After I fully read Asunder & 2. Either a full Cole analysis or a detailed post about my thoughts on his quest & routes (& maybe how I'd rewrite them, as a Autistic person & a ally to the aroace community)

Anyways my point is that I want to see how true it is characters rejected or wanted to change Cole, I want to see what leads him to feel that having two men argue & tell him who he is supposed to be & do only to have a third person decide out of those two's options for what he should do is remotely a situation where he's been accepted.

[murple]

I'm thinking about love in malevolent

Arthur and John love each other. Obviously. And that's what makes them so powerful. It's how they've survived this far. Exactly how Arthur says in ep 30.

But at the same time, it's what led to the events of ep 20. they didn't want the king to win, but the fear wasnt about the king getting more powerful, it was about losing each other.

And then there's all the examples of people clinging to or becoming horrific things because they remind them of their loved ones. Kellan and the vanguard. The widow on the island. The wraith, even. If popular theories are correct, Marie and whatever's in that secret room.

(I'm not getting into Larson and his family. I don't think he ever loved them. If he did, he would never have done that)

I don't fully know what I'm getting at here. Love is powerful, I guess. With the capacity to cause great and/or terrible things. It's such a human thing.

[jerys]

how is it okay to call people who simply enjoy a different genre of music than you 'braindead' and stupid. disliking taylor swift's music does not give you the right to be wildly misogynistic about her. disliking her music does not give you the right to rampantly hurl abuse at anyone who does enjoy it. this kind of behaviour makes me so incensed because tell me what other artist gets this level of vitriol thrown at her for just doing her job? what other fanbase - comprised predominantly of young women - gets attacked with such a vicious level of malice? you can claim it's not misogyny but at this point no one's going to actually buy into that

[finleycannotdraw]

nothing gets me crying like roy kent hugging jamie tartt after that interaction with jamie’s horrible dad in the locker room and I am not ashamed to admit it

[glittergoats]

I know it's just me but I am very much obsessed with this petty Shadowclan love triangle going on in ASC rn

Also a big fan of Sunbeam and Nightheart doing this teenage angst nonsense and then you get to Frostpaw's chapters and it's just her experiencing The Horrors