#relationship bc he is so fucked. but unfortunately it's a very generous read and i don't think the actual intent at all

[croc-odette]

seeing how funny molly gordon is in theater camp and then rewatching the bear season 2... well it's not good is it

[whitehotwild]

OKAY!!! so these are the ex!butcher x reader/OC(?) x logan headcanons/sort of a prologue/brief outline of the story!

AN: PLEASE let me know if you'd rather read a 'x reader' story or an ‘OC x reader’ story!!!!

OKAY!!! so this will read like a canon divergence AU (aurbviously).

Butcher was never on the brink of fucking DYING from temp v, he never killed Victoria and he never got powers.

BUT he is spiraling, that mean part of his brain (kessler) has just sort of taken over and made him kinda lose grip on what actually matters, Butcher wants everyone with powers dead, but especially Homelander.

(I’ve kinda been thinking about actually making this post Homelander death, and THEN Butcher spirals way way way out of control wanting basically a superhuman genocide, let me know what you think about that)

ALSO, Supes and Mutants exist as two separate things in this universe. Supes came after Mutants because Frederick Vought realized that these superpowered beings could be capitalized upon, but he knew if he used mutants they might end up rebelling, so going about making his own Superhumans was a safer option in his mind. Mutants are born, Supes are made.

Mutants distance themselves from Supes, knowing they usually end up being more trouble than they’re worth.

Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters does not accept Supe students, they did for a while at the very beginning, but Charles quickly realized that, for whatever reason, Supes and Mutants just do not get along on most occasions.

OKAY!!! SO NOW THAT THE GEEK TALK IS DONE, HERE’S THE STORY DETAILS

You/OC were a college intern at Vought that Homelander had his sights set on. He sort of coerced you into a relationship/situationship that lasted for about a year and was quite was toxic (bc like… it’s homelander).

While that went on Butcher knew of you bc of how obsessively he kept tabs on HL.

Butcher was planning on killing you to hurt HL, but then when he realized things had ended he knew you’d be more use to him alive than dead.

you were recruited to The Boys around the same time as Hughie, maybe a bit before.

you and Butcher don’t get together until after Becca dies, at first you’re really just mostly a object of comfort and escape for him, it’s way more serious for you than it is for him.

very Casual by Chappel Roan vibes

very Sharpest Tool by Sabrina Carpenter vibes

BUT the longer you stick around the more genuinely attached Butcher gets

There’s this sweet spot from almost a year in to a few months before the end of your relationship, it lasts about 2 years itself, you and Butcher are together for nearly 3 years.

during that sweet spot Butcher starts meaning it when he says "i love you"

near the end of those 3 years is when Butcher starts to become utterly obsessed with the whole “taking down homelander/supe genocide” thing.

he gets meaner, not to you specifically, just in general. he’s less affectionate, doesn’t spend as much time with you, only really initiates intimacy when he wants it, otherwise kinda brushes off your advances.

anytime you try to bring up these issues or his recent behavior you’re quickly shut down with a firm, “Let it be, love.”

you start spending more time away from the apartment, outside of work you try to fill your time with either hanging out with friends or going to the bar.

one night, you’re out with Annie and a few of your other friends at a little dive bar uptown.

you wanna play pool but none of your friends want to play, annie suggests you just go ask someone.

you’re a few drinks deep, not enough to make you drunk, just enough to instill a nice coat of confidence around you.

so, you see this man sitting at the bar, leather jacket draped over the back of his barstool, a cigar in one hand, a glass of what you assume is probably whiskey sitting in front of him, and you have no problem going up to him.

you ask him if he wants to play a game with you, and at first he tries to shoo you off, but unfortunately for him, you’re persistent.

there’s an instant connection between the you and the man, who you learned is called Logan.

he tries to ignore whatever nice feelings you spark up inside him, he’s got this lone wolf thing going on and he doesn’t need you, this pretty young thing, coming along and ruining it for him… is what he tells himself.

you promised him at first that it would only be one game, but after he beat you, you demanded a rematch, and by the end of the night you had played at least a few games.

you say your goodbyes and Logan assumes he’ll never see you again because that’s just the way things go. he tries to ignore the soft pang of disappointment in him, brushing it off as one of those rare occurences where he actually does feel a bit lonely… he’d never say that out loud.

you come back at the same time exactly a week later, this time by yourself, after a long week of dealing with the brick wall Butcher has put between the two of you.

Logan tries to ignore the way his heartbeat picks up just a bit when he sees you, he’s almost a bit annoyed that you came back, he was just starting to shake the memory of you that he couldn’t seem to forget like how he can the others.

you play pool again and open up to each other, even if it’s just the slightest bit.

this becomes a weekly occurrence, you and logan become “friends” (more so acquaintances that hang out once a week only at the bar for a few hours).

ANYWAYS!!! i’m gonna stop here so i don’t just write the whole story in bullet format, but this is the basic outline of the first bit of the story. literally only gonna write this if people actually want to read something like this, and it’ll also take me a while because i’m in the process of moving SO, pleathe be patient for i am just a little guy.

[menlove]

Do you know what to make of john and cyns relationship?

to meeeeee it reads very much as a "oh shit gotta get married because of the baby" comphet situation. for john especially, but cyn too even though she's straight. there's just this expectation for women to get married and life for single mothers is already hell but back then it was soooo so much worse. i mean she even said in her book that it wasn't really like a real marriage in those early days & i think about that a lot. i think obviously there was a lot of love there, but i don't think john was sexually attracted to her (or even romantically, really- he OBSESSED over her in the beginning but that's a different thing entirely).

and then of course there's the fact that he hit her when they were younger (whether or not he Continued to hit her is a question i'm not qualified to answer lmao it depends on how much you believe her saying that he only hit her the once vs his general violent behavior towards both men & women in his life) & even if he hadn't he was a shit husband & father who was not around. and when he was around he was getting high and isolating. i think that was probably an INCREDIBLY difficult period for her & i am very glad they got divorced bc both her and julian deserved a lot better than what he was giving & there's 0 excuse for the way he behaved towards them

honestly to me it just reads as a tale as old as time that most people watched their own mothers go through. woman marries a shitty man bc she got pregnant or felt societal pressure to marry, man is abusive in some way & falls into substance abuse, man is closeted as fuck and takes it out on other people, kid winds up in the crossfire of the whole thing.... it's just. well. it's a depressing relationship and it's one i've seen time and time again in real life. but she did love him. a lot. still did up until she died. unfortunately i don't think he gave like even half as much of a fuck about her as she gave about him.

[yinyuedijun]

hiiiii i have not read or seen windbreaker my only interactions with it are bc some of my moots r into it now so ive read some fics and i saw tokyo vice on my dash and i was really pulled in by the summary so i read both parts and sincerity and the little prequel piece and oh my god it’s so good. i love the humor, the narrative voice is so witty. suo’s character is so intriguing bc as much as the reader loves and knows him there’s still so much going on that we can only guess at and i felt like that was communicated really well. i enjoyed the fact that sincerity and the prequel let us see their relationship at a different time and how we got to where they are in the present. im really interested in the reader and i felt like u did such a good job of weaving in the comedy to make some of her internal dialogue more lighthearted while still developing her emotional state really well. plus the smut was insane like 11/10 no notes. when the reader said she was excited for pussy inspections >>> like fuck yea me too!!! but anyways i loved the details we learn about her and how her fantasy is have really mundane romantic and vanilla sex. it really speaks to just how fucked up her life has been to the point where her biggest romantic dream is just to have regular sex with the man she loves. like ugh the angst interspersed with the comedy and smut was just chef's kiss. AND THAT ENDING??? WHEN HE THINKS SHE'S ASLEEP. like that did tug at my heartstrings especially when he talked about what their old friends think of him :(( and how if he was a better man he'd let her go. i read another organized crime x civilian fic for a different fandom a few years ago and it ended with the civilian person leaving his partner/his partner letting him go bc the deeper the partner he got into organized crime the more unhinged he became and how his mental state began affecting the civilian. thats a really condensed way of explaining but the events were crazy and it had me crying and screaming every chapter but that's something that ive never seen in other yakuza/gang/organized crime aus so i thought it was really cool to see how that is something that suo thinks about and has to come to terms with now that its been a few years and he can look back at his behavior.

but anyways i really really loved it and im gonna watch/read windbreaker as soon as i can now :)) so thank u for the wonderful fic 🙂‍↕️ and is tokyo vice over? i dont think i saw a completed tag on it on ur masterlist so i wanted to ask if u were leaving the world open

ANONNN I LOVE U SO MUCH TRULY THANK YOU!! 🥹 tokyo vice was an absurd self-indulgent project so I'm so very happy you gave it a shot despite not being into wbk!!! I must confess that it's wildly different from canon LOL but I do adore the canon series nevertheless, and I hope you enjoy it :-) (let us know if you do!!!)

I can't thank you enough for sending such juicy feedback abt tokyo vice, especially about the reader! I did find it somewhat stressful trying to balance the comedy of her narration with the horny and angsty and deranged events of the plot, so I'm glad that you liked that aspect of the fic !!! 🥹 and yeah despite all the comedy, she really is a traumatized meow meow. but it's okay, she can now have the normal sex of her dreams with the love of her life - as long as she can survive 4 months of orgasm denial before their wedding 😭

and LOL I love yandere charas with self-awareness so in general I love writing arcs where they love the reader enough to understand that they should let them go. the plot you're describing is sooooo up my alley and I think suo would absolutely have that thought process if the reader were even remotely mentally normal. unfortunately she is equally insane. I guess that is the tragedy of it for suo - he knows that he can never get better, and he also knows that as long as they are together, she can never get better either. fortunately for him, she could not care less ♥️

I do think tokyo vice is complete, but I do want to finish that sakura wip at some point and also write about suo and mc's sex life after they get together (which is very nasty premaritally and then really vanilla and emotional on their wedding night). I want to finish this kitsune suo pwp first though and finish my ffg commitments too 😭

anyway sorry for yapping so much HAHAH I'm just so happy that you commented on all these aspects of the fic!! thank you for reading and for sending such a wonderful ask 🥺💗

[hidden-poet]

0/10 Edmund should have come back to life, rescued us from the capitol, killed snow and taken us back to district 12 🙄.

Jk jk that was so good 😭 it makes me so sad though because she was never going to have a good ending, even right from the start snow was never going to give up. And yet my heart still broke as I read this.

Just little things like how she lies on the grass even when they bring her a picnic blanket is just 😭😭 she just misses home so much IM CRYING NOW WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

this was so well written and I was so angry like I just wanted a happy ending for our girl 😭 Yk I’ve never read a snow fic where snow doesn’t win.

I’ll have to read again when I have the emotional capacity and I’m sure I’ll notice more. But when you get the supply closet scene and it’s just a reminder that he will NEVER change and her words have never and will never mean anything to him :(( and she just has to accept it.

when she’s talking about how he hasn’t hit her in years but she’s sure it’s just because she’s always either pregnant or with one of the babies 😭😭😭😭 you broke my heart. Our poor girl. She’s forever scared of him. when she steps back from him bc she thinks he’s going to hurt her for asking to see her family even right after birth. CRYING.

He was so much worse in this part than any other imo. The manipulation. and here we (me) were thinking he would calm the fuck down once he had her in the capitol 😭.

omfg when he says he “had” to name the baby without her 🙄 boy you’re the president you know full well you could have waited for her.

The BJ scene made me laugh though. He is just a man 😂.

This man makes me SICK 😭 I know what I get into with fics with PRESIDENT SNOW like I said they never end with reader having any semblance of independence.

thank you for this masterpiece. I will be out of action crying for the next week. As an Edmund stan I’m still hurt 🥲. They *should* have been his babies.

long time anon with my long messages but thought I’d not this time since if I could leave a comment this long on the actual post I would have <3

snow lands on top, unfortunately

Thank you! thank you! thank you!

I like to think that the end is a nice compromise for the reader and Coriolanus.

Coriolanus got to 're-write history' like he wanted. He is finally living the life he thought was owed to him before the war. I really did try and paint him as someone who wasn't a bad person inherently, but has learnt to only feel safe if he has total control over everything.

The base line for his character was the line "He wasn’t a violent man, only a man capable of violence". he wants nice things, and power, and to feel unconditionally loved. He's not above using violence to get them.

And the reader got a life where she never had to worry about her children. The reader was very maternal, but if you remembered back to chapter 3 (i think) she talks about being worried about raising them in the district, and what that would mean for them.

I like to think she was generally happy in later life with her kids. She got to experience the luxury of the Capitol, and got to give her children the best life out of everyone in Panem.

While it is sad she never got to see her family again, as someone who has children very dear to her in her life, i would trade anything for their comfort and protection.

Coriolanus was a good father, and a tyrant husband. I think she could appreciate him in relation to fatherhood. Maybe, even warm to him as the father of her children. But in her heart, he will always be commander Snow to her, and that's put a road block on development of their relationship.

Thank you so much for coming along the journey with me.

I hope to create something else that you can invest in just as much.

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[purpleandstarlight]

Here are my first thoughts on @hateweasel 's cielois fanfic DLTD, as I share them like 100+ chapters into the journey with my best friend (who hasn't read DLTD nor was ever really into Kuro) trough DMs. Here recapped for y'all.

- I FORGOT!! I DIDN'T KNOW HATE'S PRONOUNS AT THE BEGINNING SO WHEN I SPOKE WITH MY BEST FRIEND (In Italian, where they/them pronouns don't really exists unfortunately) I ALWAYS TRIED TO GET AROUND USING PRONOUNS SO AS NOT TO MISGENDER HER!! At some point (this time on ff.net, bc I usually read on ao3 so that's where I read DLTD first) I read on an author's corner the she/her pronouns and sent an ask to Hate (probably on anon bc that's how I was at first) to confirm and from then on I was finally able to get it together when talking about Hate.

-Hey Hate, remember when I sent you that anon ask talking abt how you reminded me of a French cartoon and you IMMEDIATELY recognized it as Code Lyoko? Yeah related to that whole "school thinks they're adoptive sibling" thing, I wondered why no one at school had questions about why the fuck the supposed siblings had that much non-platonic tension.

-My initial criticism that wasn't actually criticism on Hate bc I knew this was from 10 years ago and i honestly just read it as how teenage boys, especially at the time, behaved. It was criticism to just the boys, not the author. Criticism include:

1)the gay slurs the cast kept throwing around.

2)The way they all said that one in the Cielois was the "woman" - wich is something both homophobic and misogynistic.

3) the "yOuR'E sUcH a GIrL" insult that is, again, misogynistic.

4) Not a criticism to the teenage boys this time but to the girls. WHY are y'all sexualizing these gays?? GET A GRIP!!

-Not a criticism, but since we're talking about their teenager boy behavior that Hate got SO RIGHT: the COSTANT sex jokes related conversation they had. It didn't really bother me so its not criticism, its just very hormonal teen boy minded to bring everything back to that? So I wasn't really annoyed at the teenagers for being teenagers u know. I'm just adding it to the list of what I thought Hate got so well in the characterization of teenager boys.

-at some point my best friend lead me to realize that while everyone in school felt the tension between Cielois, no one had the bets running on when/if they would finally get together. Wich still makes me so sad because HATE, you missed on such a romance fanfic trope 😔 /jk

- Me at the start of the stadium arc when Kris starts being interested in...what the frick was his name?? Cameron?? Idk THAT ONE BLONDE DUDE: Oh so we're gonna have a couple of chill chapters where they are just gonna establish their relationships better!

Me, when the reapers are there and we discover about the bomb: W H A T

-Me: DLTD Suddently became Ouran Host Club? For?? Some reason??

My friend: You know what? It doesn't really surprise me. Imo this story will cover every work of literature ever existed before it ends.

-Mi initial dislike for the name Kristopherson. I still don't really like it but I'm used to it ig? Again no hate to Hate!! I just find it such an unnecessarily long name for his parents to give him? Like choose Kristopher, or Kris, why Kristopherson?? Now I know it's bc Kristopher is his father. And in general i understand that Rich People are Like That TM.

Me, while I was describing Kris's journey of self discovery to my best friend: At the beginning of the story, he was just this random bully who called Alois gay...wich i mean, it was true, but he didn't HAVE to be so mean about it...

Gonna cut this into parts so I don't kill my followers who aren't interested in my DLTD thoughts..i would use the read more thing but idk how to activate that?? Also I wrote this for some time now and I need a break lol

[crash-bump-bring-the-whump]

In the spirit of that reblog, could you tell me more about Luis? He's the primary whumper in lots of your writing and many of the war mages seem to sincerely loathe him, but then Mariano is shown to have a really trusting relationship with him and Luis clearly cares about the war mages at times. I haven't quite strung together the complexity of it all yet~

Ohhhh my god yeah this ask has activated my Cannot Shut The Fuck Up Disease so let's GO.

Luis is absolutely a complex whumper and hard to easily grasp. He has nothing but love and care in his heart for his mages. He's trained literally every single one since they were 18, and you can't not form a bond of some kind with someone in that time--and all of them know that he loves them. They know he would rather die before seriously, legitimately harming them on purpose without reason. They know he gets zero actual enjoyment out of hurting them.

Unfortunately, they're all special ops soldiers. People who, sometimes alone, are put in situations where they face capture and torture and unthinkable suffering. So Luis has to prepare them for these possibilities. He's seen what happens when you aren't prepared, back when he was one of the very first war mages on his own squad.

He's seen people give up and die, people he loved dearly. He's lost mages, Dimitri and Laredo's old squad, because there was an accident and (in his eyes) they didn't have training and clear guidance to fall back on (I will get to that in the stories though, it's something that informs the "you have to save yourself" standing order he has in place). Luis is someone who fears loss, especially loss of bright, young, talented mages. So he tortures them in a safe area with his own two hands, and teaches them how to read a torturer and captor, and how to mentally recover from the immediate aftermath, and how to escape even if it feels impossible.

He trusts his mages to follow his orders, and they trust that if they do what he wants, he'll treat them well. It's a basic sort of thing but it's necessary for their relationships, and generally he's very fair with not punishing them too harshly for silly stuff so he legitimately does build a good rapport with them all. If they get the training room, or are threatened with death, it's because to Luis what they did was just that serious.

Unfortunately, he does still butt heads with them, and he does still threaten their lives if they decide war crimes aren't something they want to do, all on top of punishing using their worst fears. Over time, no matter how much you love someone, that sort of abuse sours all the good feelings. The good feelings don't go away, bc when they're good they're good, but it makes things complicated.

Dimitri trusts Luis to not freeze him to death over simple disobedience, but he's afraid of him, and he hates him, and loves him, and if Luis approached him with an apology and changed behavior after prison? Dimitri would forgive him, because he was forgiven after making changes and working on himself.

All of the war mages feel similarly, really, because Luis' warmth and care isn't an act. They know that like them, he's also receiving orders that he can't just disregard. They may hate him sometimes, and they may disagree with him on fundamental stuff like "hey, perhaps stopping the war crime stuff could improve our lives in the long run", but they're all stuck with each other in a shitty, traumatic situation, so they make it work.

BASICALLY with Luis I'm exploring complex, complicated feelings about someone who has power over you, sincerely loves you, and who hurts you anyway bc I just think it's interesting! :)

[unholyverse]

travis is doing what now???

congrats. or not. you made it to part 2 of my explanation/summary of that. you can find part 1 here.

cw: some (not too graphic but still present) smut written by a guy who is friends with the people in this fic + discussion of religion in a very general metaphor way

this is the part i'm warning you about the smut and general nightmare feeling: chapter 4: brainwashed

in his author's note, travis wishes readers happy pride (if this is pride, i feel wrath) and starts questioning whether he should be continuing the fic (should've questioned that a long time ago) and then admitting he wrote 30 FUCKING PAGES for this chapter.

this chapter takes place over the course of a week, starting with awsten and geoff on a date where they start getting to know each other. geoff starts saying how he's working on a project in this place where he's interviewing people about their relationship to the in universe equivalent to christianity or some abrahamic religion if you add the pokémon knockoffs to them. so they get into a conversation about theology that was like reading the glup shitto post but religious bc seriously i don't know or care about these stupid fantasy names.

so then after all this they go to geoff's apartment to have fade to black sex that's only implied in the second day section.

unfortunately some of the smut is not fade to black from this point forward.

awstens horny wants more dick and geoff's just trying to get breakfast for them which prompts this scene.

is this a good time to remind you that travis is writing this about the friends he has in real life. he knows these people. personally.

thank you travis for restoring my faith in my smut writing abilities 🙏 because now i know at least i'm not writing scenes like these about my irls.

ok back to the fic they have SHOWER SEX after that and we also have to read that for some reason.

so after that they watch some old show together and awsten asks if geoff has any pets and this is the part where i find out there’s normal animals and pokémon ripoffs in this universe which is weird.

geoff summons a recreation of his dog for a bit (that’s a thing i forgot to mention that mostly bc i do not care) and the day ends with him musing on that saying he misses his dog.

the third day section is a literal paragraph about them having fade to black sex. that’s it for that.

the fourth day section finds awsten going home for an hour to pick up new clothes to stay at geoff’s more and after that him and geoff go on a date outside.

it’s this point when geoff asks awsten if he can interview him for his project about people’s relationships with religion. awsten says yes, but pretty reluctantly.

so they get on with the interview which gradually gets awsten more uncomfortable with the personal questions.

this entire part is travis’ heavy handed way of approaching religious themes that are supposed to be in the album and my god does the allegory feel as heavy handed as the sparse religious references in intellectual property. considering this is a universe where travis tends to ignore things he’s not comfortable with writing for whatever reason (cough cough otto), i think considering this is a universe where all his friends are gay and yknow. the general relationship between gay people and religious can be pretty complex it just makes me wonder the implications of leaving that out too. if the topic got too real.

anyways.

awsten cuts off the interview and geoff starts opening up about his life which just means travis airs out the shit geoff has been going through for the past couple years minus the polycule.

is this a good time to note that geoff’s dog irl is named eevee (renamed here for obvious reasons) and said dog is still actually with his ex and kid. travis why are you airing this out and at what point in writing this chapter did it dawn upon you that this was a bad idea.

this section just ends in awsten wondering what else he doesn’t know about and then they make out.

the fifth day section starts with geoff trying to cook them food after the umpteenth time of them fucking. geoff makes a light joke that his cooking is only world famous to his daughter which makes the lines after that 10x worse

everything about this is actually terrible. the fact that geoff was trying to cook naked. “giving Geoff’s penis a light tap”. MANHOOD????

so anyways they cook a grilled cheese together and they talk and geoff ends up dropping that he’s seeing a pokemon knockoff tournament with a guy named pulo, another travis oc. geoff says they’re not exclusive or anything but awsten still feels like shit bc he probably thought him and geoff were at least. ouch.

the sixth day section is awsten musing about the new geoff revelations but then ending up having fade to black sex with him anyways.

the final section (of this chapter but. god that was long) is awsten finally leaving geoff’s apartment after a week there. meaning they make out for a long time at the door before awsten has to leave.

i can’t believe someone who knows both of them wrote this entire thing about them and posted it online. it genuinely baffles me how travis didn’t cancel writing the fic here before he could post it. but if you know what happened before next chapter posted, you’d know why he went on with this.

so travis lives in austin, texas (it’s the only way he can say he’s in awsten and it’s true). and so for the austin show, him, jawn, and zakk all got onstage for war crimes wearing something awsten had and travis was reveling this especially towards the end when he was hugging awsten and taking his damn time presumably whiffing him as much as he could under his mask.

and then this happens.

travis just gets to shake awstens ass in front of this audience twice 😭😭😭 might i remind you this is a show that rivers cuomo attended without anyone knowing until the day after.

so yeah that happens and then travis gets brought up again for awsten to hold him like a doll while he plays cherry red for travis to horribly sing.

so after this, i was like travis is either going to go home and jack off to this or he’s going to write the next fic chapter and i was definitely right about one of those things but still probably right about the other.

so now we’re here to the most recent part of this which is chapter 5: 2 best friends.

awstens all bummed about geoff hanging out with pulo so he goes out with travis and jawn to take his mind off things. the entire chapter is essentially travis being a very ooc party boy drunk (bc i think travis realizes how lame and nerdy his actual personality is) while him, awsten, and jawn all hang out and do dumb shit.

ok with that out of the way lemme just say it does not feel like i’m reading three different characters it just feels like i’m reading travis, travis, and drunk travis.

so anyways they all do shit but it doesn’t keep awsten from thinking about geoff in the end.

oh but that’s not everything nope not at all bc the ending is awsten and jawn. HOOKING UP.

oh my god. considering how awsten has slept with most of the male population in this fic except travis, i feel like travis writing this is just fueling some cuck fetish of his bc WHAT THE HELL IS ANY OF THIS SERIOUSLY.

anyways that’s all i have :) this fandom and the people involved with parx are actually insane on so many different levels i didn’t know were possible. i just want to interrogate travis for everything about this fic (with a knife in my hand)

[nadekosnake]

neglected manuscript - Do you have a favorite novel?

from this ancient ask meme

LMAO NO!!! PICKING THE ONE I WAS AFRAID OF 💀 I could make it easy and lie but y’know what? We’re gonna be honest about this 🫡 Gonna be LONG bc I have 1) not talked with about this in any capacity with another human being before and 2) a pretty complicated relationship with this book 🤕

Content warning for CSA 👇

This is difficult partly bc I do love a lot of books but partly bc I don’t like to reveal my actual favorite book… I genuinely worry people will perceive me in a very negative way LMAO. My favorite of all time is Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov 😶 It’s the book I’ve reread the most in my life so far and it is genuinely one of the best written books I have read 🤧 I think generally people are like 😰🤢 when you drop a bomb like that what’s typically supposed to be a light-hearted convo so I usually will say something else! Typically my safe answer is The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (which genuinely was my favorite book at some point in time, we are not going to dive into this right now).

(A disclaimer as I talked about Lolita fashion before, I am aware that the fashion gets its name from the novel but that’s where the relation ends. I like Lolita fashion because I’m a loser that likes subculture fashion and not because it has the same name or any other connection to the book. That happens to be coincidental. I am staunchly against fetishization of the fashion ok thanks! 🙂‍↕️ back to the program!)

Brief summary for those who need it: Humbert (the narrator) is a scholar and a secret pedophile, who one day meets the Haze family for a home stay. He obsesses over the daughter, a 12 year-old girl named Dolores Haze, who he personally calls Lolita. Humbert marries Ms. Haze to be around the real object of his obsession. Through unfortunate events, he ends up Dolores’s sole caretaker. She lives with Humbert’s constant sexual abuse that spans a cross-country roadtrip, but eventually she runs away with the help of another pedophile. Unfortunately it is not a happy ending. Despite Dolores’s escape from both pedophiles, she dies before she can rebuild a normal life with her future family.

The first time I tried to read it, I was too young (around Dolores’s own age 🫥). It was recommended to me by another middle school girl! God knows what the fuck we were doing back then LMAO but the girl who recommended it to me said it was a love story. Older man girl our age whatever. Tbh when I started it I understood that it wasn’t a love story… and I couldn’t finish it because of how uncomfortable it made me. I reread it a handful of times between middle school and uni with varying degrees of success, and I only really started to grasp it when I reached uni. I do think I was entirely too young to read the book or even understand it, and thankfully it was not used as a tool to manipulate me. It was a dicey time tbh. When I was growing up, there weren’t communities of young women that centered around accepting Dolores Haze as a victim.

I think there’s a disclaimer for those you haven’t read it and think it glorifies CSA and pedophilia. It really does not. Nabokov himself was a victim of CSA and did not condone it. I think that the #1 thing that movie adaptations and pop culture struggle with is that people believe the narrator point blank. So the adaptations all have this horrible romanticization of the story at their cores. People even struggle with understanding the book because the narrator is an Educated & Scholarly Man who is like ✨I’m a poet I’m a sensitive soul and we poets just believe in love✨ like NO!!! The whole point of the story is that he is an unreliable narrator!!! The narrator is a murderer, rapist, kidnapper, and if you’re actually paying attention you see it all with your own damn eyes! And of course nobody really does pay attention! 😭

So like, why is this my favorite? This is also complicated LOL, but I think that there’s a couple of main reasons.

Ultimately, to me, the novel is a puzzle that Nabokov invites you to solve. You have an unreliable narrator, but he’s an excellent manipulator. I think a lot of people lose “the game,” so to speak, the first time they read the book because the narrator is so good at making you see only what he wants you to see (he loves her, he’s just a nice sensitive guy who lost his first love too early, he’s doesn’t mean to hurt “his” “Lolita,” she “seduced” him, she “makes” him do horrible things to her, etc). It is written so well, and since the character himself is a professor and an intellectual, I think it’s easier for folks to let their guard down and to literally be tricked. Genuinely speaking I struggled with what to believe too, especially as a child. The only reason I didn’t buy into the “love story” bit was because by some intuition, I was aware that something Bad was happening despite the narrator’s insistence that it was all good. Tho I could not pinpoint what it was at the time.

But once you break past the facade and you’re fully paying attention the novel, it is like two stories in one. One hand, poets romantics in the name of love blah blah blah, but on the other hand? Dolores is a girl from a broken home, who’s mother is murdered by a man that wants to rape her. She’s kidnapped and shows clear signs of abuse (triggered by paternal affection, cried herself to sleep every night since the abuse started, bouts of disassociation, extreme rebellion towards Humbert, etc). Some of this stuff is actually glossed over by the narrator, but signs of a whole other part of the story are literally right in front of you if you’re paying attention.

For example, there’s a single line about Dolores’s mother, Charlotte, where she reveals in a letter to Humber that both her first husband and her youngest child (Dolores’s baby brother) died. And the narrator does NOT give a rat’s ass about this woman or her woes so it’s never talked about again. It’s whittled down to one single dismissive sentence, and I missed it tons of times. But knowing that, it makes sense why Charlotte acts as she does, why Charlotte and Dolores’s relationship is fraught. And why Dolores acts as she does at the beginning of the novel. Literally the Haze family is going through extreme grief with barely the emotional resources to process a double death in their immediate family. Without that context though, you’re just going along with whatever Humbert wants you to believe. You don’t see who Charlotte or Dolores are as individuals. You miss a chunk of the truth. And that’s literally just one of the smallest instances I can think of. There’s so much to dig through both directly and in between the lines. Nabokov is so deliberate with his writing and so extremely detailed that there’s a LOT of things that are easily missed unless you read it multiple times. This shit is so detailed, there’s scholars dedicated both to Nabokov and to Lolita the novel.

I think the last big reason I keep coming back to it is because I think it’s something so deeply rooted in society, you never really live without Lolita. The book has been bastardized to hell and back because most people, especially those in power once again, Do Not Understand how to read this book. So we’re left with not necessarily Dolores Haze, but this enigmatic “Lolita” the abstract figure of Humbert’s delusions. She is so influential, we all live our lives with her whether or not we’re aware of it. Coquette aesthetic? Lolita. Lana Del Rey? Katy Perry? The Police? Lolita. Marc Jacobs? Carven? Lolita. Vladimir? Excavation? My Dark Vanessa? Lolita. Heart-shaped sunglasses? Lolita. Butterflies??? Yes, Lolita. You can even go so wild with the connections to the point of bringing up the goddamn Lion King (animated 1994 version, Scar is voiced by Jeremy Irons who played Humbert Humbert in Adrian Lyne’s 1997 adaptation).

And it’s this constant reminder, every day. You pass by her on the Internet or in an ad while you’re out and about. She lives in the shadow of your acquaintance or your loved one. She haunts everything in a very real and literal sense. I think that’s what keeps me coming back to the book… even if I wanted to forget about her, I don’t think I ever really could.

[domokunrainbowkinz]

fuck it. have some more manhwa posting:

pearl boy (18+): I did NOT expect to like this one so much like if you told me 3 days ago that a comic about a boy who cums pearls will make me tear up and almost cry on multiple occasions i would've laughed in your face. the art is a little rough in the beginning but it improves by MILES and the current artstyle is so gorgeous. the relationship between the 2 leads is SO SO GOOD, they are the definition of ride or die, by ch 20 i was ready to kill everyone and then myself if anything happened to them. dooshik and jooha are so much fun, and their interactions are just *chefs kiss* they are so good man. I am a little iffy about the ending, but the side stories are making up for it (it's nice to see how jooha would've fallen in love without The Horrors looming over him). controversial opinion but I was pretty eehhhh about the sex scenes, especially bc there is A LOT of SA and sexual violence in general in the series (not between the 2 characters, they're just literally chased by the worst people ever), so even when the 2 leads are having nasty disrespectful consensual banging a part of me is like :/. despite my gripes with the ending and some of the events in the series, i still thought it was a good read. I really do hope the side stories give dooshik a chance to like heal bc I don't think he's doing so hot 😔

pizza delivery man and the golden palace (18+): I originally wasn't gonna read this one bc of the goofy ass title but it was surprisingly very sweet?? it was very nice to see 2 people at their low points meet and help each other with their issues and to heal. I really enjoyed s1, however I heard s2 isn't that good and that it unfortunately falls into a lot of typical BL tropes (derogatory), but I will hold out judgement until I finish the 2nd season.

under the green light (18+): mannnn this one is good. I originally stopped reading bc Matthew creeped me out and gave me the ick (he doesn't do anything bad, he's just a little creepy), but I decided to continue bc I love jin (I am forever biased towards confident snarky characters). I'm really glad I kept with it bc there actually was an explanation for why matthew became so fixated on jin that made me go "OHH....that makes a lot of sense". rly curious to see where the story is going, it's a mafia story so ofc I got my popcorn READY.

a tree without roots (18+): the first scene of the first chapter starts off with a bang and really sets the tone of the story, like they literally slap u over the head with "hey!!!! this is a fucked up story turn back now!!!" before flashing back 8 years, so now you're left with the question of "good lordt what HAPPENED???". as someone who likes fucked up stories and is biased towards obsessive characters, I really enjoyed s1, and I'm curious to see where s2 is going. my 1 gripe is that taekyung is a little dumb when it comes to his treatment of heeseo, like i sorta get it, but also dude...there's DEFINITELY a better way this could've been handled. anyways huge warning for non-con/dub-con between the 2 characters if u decide to check it out.

uncanny charm: I dropped this one bc I found it a little boring, it has a really interesting premise and is also a modern-day supernatural romance, but something about it just didn't click with me. the relationship between the 2 characters was pretty lukewarm, and I'm also not a huge fan of the artstyle.

limited run (18+): dropped this one bc I don't like the MC or the ML, their relationship is just bizarre and weird to me. I wasn't invested in anything that was happening, and the ML's thought process makes no sense to me. idk man I just don't like stories where the MC is like helpless or passive about their situation and grow a spine!!! weakness is not tolerated in this house >:(

cry me a river (18+): dropped bc once again I don't like the MC for being passive and weak. I got baited into reading this one bc the ML is very very pretty, but unfortunately good art is not enough for me to continue a series. once again the relationship between the 2 characters is just weird, what is it with ML's being unable to like idk express emotion?? or communicate?? anyways I also did not give a shit abt what happened so 👁👅👁

nerd project (18+): I really liked this one!! it's a fun fluffy college story about a drama and biotech student. the banter and interactions between them are such a delight to read, but I cannot BELIEVE they ended s1 in the middle of a sex scene what the fuck man 😭

[youngjustus]

raven’s name has technically been rachel roth for 20 years too but im not fucking calling her that lmao…idk for me it’s partially 1) fuck johns and the way he sought to completely change kon’s character and spit in the face of all his prior development just to make his stupid fan theory canon 2) having a character go from going by kon to conner is like going from tim to timothy. why make it longer, yfeel? and 3) 50% of the people who call him conner misspell it as connor, which would be fine (annoying, but ultimately harmless) except dc already has a connor, and i’m vehemently against dc’s inability to come up with an original name for any of their characters. hashtag team jon should’ve been given literally any other name bc there’s already like 6 jonathan kents

i know there is a lot to criticize about johns's run, but i honestly don't find a lot of things with what he did with conner leading up to his death in infinite crisis in terms of characterization to be out of character. although, full disclosure, i haven't revisited teen titans vol. 3 in [checks calendar] 7 years, so there might be some gaps in my memory.

i like that he's getting used to having an actual structured life with going to school and living in a house with parents that care about him. he's also still dealing with the aftermath of the finale of his solo series and graduation day! he's adjusting! it would be normal for him to feel weird and off. this is a post that i made a few years ago with a good addition from another user that puts this well.

however, i do generally dislike the luthor reveal because of how many stories that came after for conner have so heavily focused on it, when a) we already did something similar in the 90's with his original backstory and b) it contributes to one of the most annoying fan discourses i've had to see for my entire comics reading experience regarding superman being a 'dead beat dad'. unfortunately, at this point, it is a part of canon that is ingrained in too many fans and writers' heads, and is tied into too many plot lines for them to go away with it. such is the nature of a shared intellectual property! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i think i'm probably misreading what you're saying, but kon isn't short for conner, and i don't think tim's full name is a good comparison. they’re two separate names. i've posted about the origin's of the name kon-el a few times over the years, and i even have the issue where he receives it in my personal comic collection. it is a very important part of the character's history, and a good thing to point to when people doubt the positive relationship between conner and superman. the name is one with real history, and it is a gift!

this is where my own headcanons and speculation comes in: it makes the most amount of sense to me that conner is a name that he specifically chose himself when he was adopted by the kents.

if somehow i missed a random issue of superman or action comics from between when his superboy series was canceled to him showing up in teen titans that gives an origin to the civilian name conner kent, or even just an interview with the creatives discussing the issue the name first shows up in, please send it my way!

if such a comic or interview does not exist, and if i ever had the chance to write the character, this is 100% something i'd like to explore. i have my own ideas that i've thought about a lot over the years (and even a middle name picked, too).

i also think that there are much bigger problems with dc comics than a few characters sharing a first name. like a lot more problems.

conner is his name as much as it is kon, and it's not wrong to call him it in the way that it's not wrong to refer to superman as clark or kal. the comparison at the start of this ask to raven is interesting, but i think the key difference there is that rachel roth feels like a regression (she's deaged and put in high school) and to me conner kent is further growth (being with the family that wants him in their lives).

[aplpaca]

why is having your ocs be your special interest unfortunate? please tell us about them!! (curious, friendly tone)

It's unfortunate bc theres not content for them that exist without my own effort 😔(outside of a couple friends) so i cant reblog posts about them like i would for like critical role or something. ive got a variety of "main character" ocs and most of them started out as ttrpg characters that then got their own non-rpg "canon" in a story universe im making with some friends that may or may not end up turning into a series of books. (overarching "plot" of it is that the birth of a new deity ends up connecting people and politics of several planets in different universes)

so like my "main" characters for that are vyma, claysen, and yianni. vyma also has an equally canon ttrpg incarnation for a game thats still ongoing, but claysen and yianni started out as ttrpg characters but now their "canon" is just their storyverse incarnations. i put actual character descriptions under the cut

ima talk about vyma's storyverse incarnation for this, since theres Spoilers for her ttrpg canon that players who follow me dont know yet (but like, the core personality is the same between the two so yeah). but anyway, her full name in storyverse is Vyma Bapp-Matieyepa sip-Sabapak, which is kinda long bc cultural naming conventions include familial last name, chosen/official clan affiliation, and familal-but-not-official clan affiliation (if someone has that). She's one of the unofficial leaders of a revolutionary/resistance group (other leader is one of @cosmemery's characters Naki) that funnels political prisoners to freedom and tries to counteract the imperialism of the country that subjugated theirs and the harm from their own gov that tries to meet the imperialists in the middle. Vyma is pretty tall, pretty butch, and pretty ace. She's got lowkey disabling hyperempathy, but this gets paired with an autistic flat affect that makes her come across unintentionally blunt, monotone, and insensitive at times. she's kinda overcompensated for social issues by using her hyperempathy and just general problem solving to get really fucking good at reading people/figuring out how people are feeling. this unfortunately does not make her any more conversationally adept, and in some cases makes her kinda preachy instead. her flight response (like the trauma response, not just the general fight or flight) is through the fucking roof and she would and prob will grind herself into dust in an attempt to make what she considers a positive impact. she's chronically sleep deprived and refuses to talk about her feelings in a way thats not dodging the question. she likes to bake, but hasnt been able to in a while.

Claysen Hishari (birthname Jarren Claysen Vidravalsh) is like lowkey highkey kinda of A Lot in terms of stuff he's got going on. id like to think i do a decent job not being Edgy (TM) with him but like,,yeah. He's a formal noble who escaped his shitty dad after his mom died and ended up being blackmailed into becoming a spy/assassin. He also technically has emotion/identity-influenced magical power equivalent to at least a minor god, but hes repressing that and its only almost killed him once. His appearance is altered via illusion magic almost constantly. He's more visibly autistic and uses a trade sign language to talk fairly frequently. When he's not signing, he has a very specific speech pattern, and often pauses in the middle of sentences while he figures out how to make words work. At the start of the story, he basically hasn't had goals or ambitions or strong personal convictions for A While, and a lot of his growth is Growing A Fucking Spine and Learning To Act On Things. A lot of his other growth is self acceptance stuff (both autism and the whole emotionally volatile magic thing bc por que no los dos). He has a pretty fuckin codependant relationship with @cosmemery's character Kay, and even before they actually become romantic, theyre platonically flirty with each other to a kinda obnoxious degree. hes bi, super reserved but has a certain air of competence/force of presence to him despite that, and has a special interest in spiders and bugs in general

And apparently tumblr has a word limit for asks or somthing bc it wont let me add my last characters paragraph onto this so im gonna just reblog it with yianni's stuff in a sec

[chryzuree]

nitw chrysijacks au!!! tell me more abt it im so invested i love nitw!! do they get to be animals too...if they were animals what would they be!!!

AAAAH, okay okay, so it’s still a work in progress bc i haven’t decided if i want to have chrysi be in mae’s position but with elements of bea, or if i want jacks to be in mae’s position and have chrysi be mostly bea with just a hint of cole (bc i think chrysi would’ve absolutely left town for a bit), but as of writing this.. i’m erring towards chrysi as mae, since she defs can perceive things that most ppl can’t, plus she’s charismatic and generally a mess.

i was thinking chrysi shows up a couple days before her bday & you know. dismembered arm is found as usual. YES, chrysi’s thrilled abt this!!! VERY important to know!!! honestly, it’s a relief for her to find that arm, bc the vibes in that diner were in SHAMBLES. she was rlly trying to avoid eye contact w jacks and jacks was staring her down w his laser eyes. put those things AWAY, it’s literally four in the afternoon…

the party scene happens on chrysi’s bday itself, and guess who FUCKING FORGOT IT WAS HER BDAY. when the rest of their friends arrive at the party later (bc unfortunately, chrysi had to drive jacks out. she’s going to scream. that’s the worst, most awkward car ride over ever) & wish her happy bday, jacks is like “😦 oh………. happy birthday……….” <- has been in the same space as her for the past two hours. like. damn.

JACKS is the one that gets drunk (saw an ex, to which chrysi says, “you can’t run away from the town’s population”, since jacks is a serial dater), so chrysi takes him home and it’s the worstttt. she should’ve stayed at college. ((actually, jacks asks why she came home.. he’s rlly glad but he’s worried for her. unfortunately for him, he does NOT phrase it like that and chrysi gets even angrier w him))

they start repairing their relationship right around the same time chrysi starts seeing cult members / having fucked up dreams. so mostly, jacks comments on how exhausted and ill she looks. you really know how to compliment a girl, don’t you??

on one of their outings, chrysi finds out that jacks hasn’t rlly dated anyone in a while (omg.. theyre both single at the same time again.. which hasn’t occurred since jacks ruined their makeout session in senior year of high school!!!! wrow!!!!!) but anyway. still have to unpack allllllll the drama of high school before it goes anywhere.

their halloween celebration is fun.. i think that jacks would jst tag along w chrysi…. she’d win at the water balloon toss & they’d both laugh at their fortunes being read & jacks suspiciously goes missing when chrysi’s asked to cover for the witch play the town’s putting on. i jst think they need to reminisce abt halloween celebrations past… they neeeeeeed to kiss abt this, but they will NOT!!! never ever!!!!

jacks is the first to agree to research ghosts w chrysi <333 ughhh, he wants her so bad. does he believe in ghosts?? well.

THE SCENE IN THE WOODS, WHEN SHE GETS SHOT AT??? JACKS HAS TO BE PHYSICALLY DRAGGED AWAY SO HE DOESN’T ALSO GET SHOT AT. he’s sick with worry the whole time chrysi’s in the hospital. who cares abt the cult member keeping an eye on the appt??? he only cares abt how chrysi’s holding up…

he is dragging chrysi into the appt & picking her up bridal style when she shows up!!! he is putting her on the couch and tucking her in and curling up beside her!!!! they actually have a heart to heart there + chrysi begins to forgive him… before she “falls asleep” against him and jacks falls asleep too.. then chrysi gets up and goes to the woods w/o telling anyone.

jokes on her, bc jacks wakes up within ten minutes of her leaving bc he misses the feeling of her curled up against him. can NOT stop his obsessive crush and hyper-awareness of her. it’s been on overdrive since, like, ninth grade.

he’s the one to yell at her when they show up in the woods. OMG, JACKS ALSO HAS A CROSSBOW!!!! he fucking sucks at shooting at the guy tbh, he’s jst glad he managed to hit him.. then he hands off the crossbow to hold chrysi the whole way into the mines.

i haven’t rlly decided what i wanted to do here, bc i kinda want to deviate & play w story stuff regarding castor’s death.. kinda want it to be the valors that are part of the cult + they’re trying to bring castor back… but i also kinda want to up the level of danger throughout this whole time, so maybe castor’s already been revived as a vampire, but he’s like… super fucked up and ghoulish and nothing like the castor they knew… what if the mines were castor’s living quarters & they were jst trying to protect him?? plus this could mean that jacks can finally choose chrysi over castor !!!!!!! ,,,,mmm, yeah, i’m going to do that.

anyway. chrysi does NOT feel bad abt caving in the mines behind them!!!!!!! bye bye, valors!!! die then!!!!! jacks is a little more like, well, that was maybe not the best course of action? WHO CARES MAN!!!!!!

chrysi defs passed out bc visions or w/e but it’s FINE!!!!

the story would end w chrysi wishing jacks happy bday (fucked up two and a half weeks there, huh?) + jacks giving chrysi her bday present, bc he felt like an asshole that he a) forgot it was chrysi’s bday, and b) got blackout drunk on it… then they kiss abt it <333 and now they’re a couple!!!!

i wasn’t rlly thinking they’d be OFFICIALLY animals, but i think they’d both have a cat / fox motif…. lots of shirts + trinkets to call to mind those animals for them!!!!!!!!!!!! they should kiss…

[justagalwhowrites]

hi i’m the anon that wanted joel to grovel more LOL. i get what you’re saying about how doc took him back so fast bc she’s the type of person who doesn’t think she’s deserving of love, and i do think that tracks for her character. i guess i was just hoping that she would have shown more growth over the past 15-20 years and become a bit more secure in that area? especially after everything she’s been through. i love her and i want her to have better self esteem and understand that she does deserve love, both in the context of joel and in general. i love joel obvi and want them to be together like everyone else, but it’s just been hard for me to get past how he treated her. he really treated her SO bad for like two decades 😭 and i know he gave her an explanation in the chapter where they got back together but i don’t think he has actually apologized yet 👀

ANYWAY sorry that was so long, & i hope you don’t think i’m complaining bc i LOVE the story and am so happy they are together. i just want doc to know that she deserves love & that she doesn’t deserve the way joel treated her for all those years 🤍

OMG Hi Bestie!

Please send me the longest things ever, I love it!

I do want to say, while I don't think Doc would make him grovel more, I do think he probably SHOULD lmfao that man was a DICK for a very long time. I also think that - once things settle after the hospital and they're back in Jackson - that man is going to be the most doting fucking partner on the planet lol it'll make up for it over time.

On Doc's emotional development, unfortunately she hasn't gotten much better? Part of that is because her trauma in that space cuts just so so deep (her parents, Becca, Joel leaving, etc.) and she's been in a state of basically constant crisis since the outbreak (everyone has!), she hasn't been able to grow in that space. All her brain power is so busy taking care of basic needs that she doesn't have room to work on other stuff. I think that's part of why her relationship with Andrew - while sweet and supportive and I love them - is as codependent and clingy as it is. She even tells Joel when Andrew gets hurt that she can count on one hand the number of people who are happy she exists (to her that's Andrew, Jess, Elizabeth, Jonah and Derek - she just can't see other people caring for her including Joel, Tommy, Ellie, Riley, her other students, her other coworkers, even Tess to an extent) and when Marlene takes her she's like "The only person who's going to look for me or notice I'm gone is Andrew." She just can't see through her own shit to see the people caring about her. Even though, when they're at the camp and she makes radio contact with Abe, he talks about how worried he's been. She has a very hard time recognizing her own value and recognizing the care other people have for her because of it.

But you're right, Doc 110% did not deserve how Joel was treating her! She deserves all the love and care!! And so do you <3

Love you!! Thank you for reading and for being here!!

[zanzibarhamster]

Big Boss, The Boss, Kazuhira Miller, Ocelot

AYYYY THIS TOOK LONGER THAN I THOUGHT. deleting the ‘thing that gives me secondhand embarrassment’ section bc i don’t really get that.

BIG BOSS

SEXUALITY: bisexual but it’s complicated because life circumstances haven’t really allowed him much exploration of sexuality. he’s the type of bisexual that’s consistently into one type of person (charismatic, strong-willed, independant, preferably good with guns) across genders.

OTP: bbkaz ofc but i do have several other ships (eva, roy, and python mostly).

BROTP: not sure if the boss counts as a ‘bro’ but their relationship is v important to me. if not bb+amanda is extremely underrated and very cute.

NOTP: paz but that’s not really a thing thankfully

FIRST HEADCANON THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD: he has perfect pitch but it’s completely wasted on him bc he has zero interest in or experience with music. he also doesn’t even know it’s a thing until kaz tries to tune his guitar for like ten minutes then goes to leave with it and bb is like “you know it’s still way off right” and when kaz sits back down to fix it, proceeds to half-assedly whistle him reference pitches while laying on his cot reading some book about military strategy. kaz shakes his head and is just like… yeah you WOULD be the one in ten thousand guy who can do this.

FAVORITE LINE: ohhh boy I have a lot, but “i was made to fight, i am a gun” and “no… the world is better off without snakes” are two top contenders that come to mind. also his entire mg2 speech.

WAY IN WHICH I RELATE: i’m also awkward with people, unfortunately unlike him i’m not inspiring enough to make up for it

CINNAMON ROLL OR PROBLEMATIC FAVE: hoo boy this meme is old isn’t it. problematic fave ofc but i do think he’s complex and that’s his entire appeal.

THE BOSS

SEXUALITY: bisexual but in a ‘considers herself straight and thinks of lesbian stuff as bosom friends’ kind of way because time period. she’s mostly uninterested in romance, it tends to find her rather than the other way around.

OTP: on one level i ship both strangeboss and joysorrow but on the other i have a hard time seeing either be truly requited on her end bc i headcanon she puts her country first to the point of it being detrimental to her personal relationships. strangeboss is also weird and complicated because the part of me that loves strangelove wants them to get married and be happy, the part of me that’s a canon purist acknowledges the reality that she talked to strangelove like she was someone else (implied to be jack) and like a child (so if that was a romantic conversation it has uncomfortable implications for the boss and jack’s relationship). so like… i love strangeboss but i feel like i am lying to myself if i think of it as being fully requited rather than a sort of very romantically charged friendship in which they toed the gay line real closely and that’s precisely why it fucked strangelove up the way it did.

BROTP: again not exactly bro but big boss. they mean so much to me.

NOTP: iiiiii don’t love seeing content of her with big boss bc they met when he was a kid and he flat out says she was like his mother, but i can’t exactly begrudge people who ship them on top of that bc there are some lines in canon with Uncomfortable Implications. none of it is concrete and it’s all ambiguously interpretable so i personally choose not to acknowledge it but like… it’s there.

FIRST HEADCANON THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD: ocelot was a drunken semi-mistake (her and sorrow were hooking up but generally used condoms) that she kept secret for as long as possible for fear her country would take the one thing she wanted for herself. she was only sent to normandy because they needed her that badly and she agreed to get a third trimester abortion but didn’t show up to get it. she didn’t exactly have a plan for how she was going to care for this baby given he was definitely going to be born in an active war zone but she did love him and intended to keep him.

FAVORITE LINE: i. feel like her entire end of mgs3 speech is such a cliche answer but it’s so fucking good.

WAY IN WHICH I RELATE: absolutely none lol

CINNAMON ROLL OR PROBLEMATIC FAVE: hard call but i’m going with problematic fave bc she very much died to perpetuate the military industrial complex and everyone in mgs is problematic except sunny.

KAZUHIRA MILLER

SEXUALITY: bisexual and it’s not complicated. he knows what he likes and goes after it, though men with a lot more caution because time period. he’s the kind of bisexual that’s into different types for men and women. women, adoring ones that will pander to his ego preferably with big tits, although spicy slap-slap-kiss types are a runner up. men, jock types with nice pecs and a tight ass. he’s a horny bastard tho so he’s often willing to take whatever he can get.

OTP: bbkaz, though i also ship vkaz (fucked up only, not fluff) and kazeva. bb/kaz/eva underrated tbh.

BROTP: solid snake? again not a bro exactly but i’m very invested in their mentorship in all of its half genuine but also using him as a tool glory.

NOTP: nothing i hate, just stuff i can’t see happening

FIRST HEADCANON THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD: he had pretty wild college years bc as soon as he didn’t have the constant responsibility of being a caretaker for his mom and was all by himself in a college environment, he exploded the other way with all the recklessness, irresponsibility, and rebellion he wasn’t able to have before. this included doing all the drugs available during peak hippie years and finding out he’s bisexual under the influence. i don’t disagree with the common headcanon that he’d go right for drugs if they were offered to him, i just hc he got most of that out of his system before he even made it to colombia. pot, LSD, shrooms, obetrol, amphetamine inhalers, etc. fun facts amphetamines were not illegal until 1970, you could just fucking buy amphetamine inhalers for allergies over the counter and a mixture of adderall and meth (obetrol) was widely sold as a prescription diet pill. anyway i don’t think coke would be his first rodeo.

FAVORITE LINE: “loneliness is something that seeps into the cracks of your heart, boredom is what causes those cracks to appear” in mg2. the implications hurt so much.

WAY IN WHICH I RELATE: high five for childhood bullying and being an endless fountain of trivia about things like the history of amphetamines.

CINNAMON ROLL OR PROBLEMATIC FAVE: problematic fave lmfaooooooo. he’s complex and i love him but imo fandom often latches onto his more sympathetic qualities while downplaying the terrible ones.

OCELOT

SEXUALITY: gay as all fuck. despite time period he’s fine with it, he knows he’s a deviant.

OTP: i’m not emotionally invested but ocelot being in love with big boss is just a fact. like the *straightest possible interpretation* for his actions is an asexual with a lifelong soul-deep obsession, and imo that is a stretch with the russian tuant and comparing himself to quiet.

BROTP: i wish we’d seen him and zero working together more, i feel like the dynamic would have been super interesting. patriots era game when.

NOTP: nothing i particularly hate

FIRST HEADCANON THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD: he’s a sadomasochist, in addition to the sadism he also gets off on getting hurt himself, but only by someone he carefully vets first. he is also super into bloodplay. i don’t read much ocelot fic but i would be surprised if this isn’t a common one.

FAVORITE LINE: “you’re pretty good” being his last words in mgs4 always gets me

WAY IN WHICH I RELATED: hahaha no

CINNAMON ROLL OR PROBLEMATIC FAVE: cinnamon roll, ocelot has never done anything wrong in his life ever, all the backstabbing and terrorism and brainwashing and torture and possible rape was a long series of unfortunate misunderstandings. he’s actually a PTA mom at his dog’s school, does pilates on the weekend, and volunteers at his local church.

[tothedarkdarkseas]

Hello i have read your entire collection of fics and i gotta say. Wow . what a Talent for the Grime. im not a 2doc girlie unfortunately but I've been softened. won over. I can now see 2doc and go "well that's very interesting. I wanna see where this author goes w it" instead of the general feeling of he would Not fucking say that. bc the truth isthat maybe he would . say those things he says in your fics etc. You understand. Most of all i have an appetite for grime and i have had it Saciated. i saved the plastic beach fics for the end bc i knew they'd be the ones id be more predisposed 2wards and while i was right i will say -> paula fic sweep. i love ms cracker she's such a cunt. as a dyke well all i can say is come 2 bed sweetheart your horrible mean gross standoffish attitude is wasted on a rockstar like stuart. I haven't read a hotter woman in a while Congrats. um but yeah also the plastic beach fics i left some comments bc oysters got to me Bad i never fully felt the impact of plastic beach from a murdoc perspective w such INCISIVENESS and POWER just the fucking spiraling horror of putting yourself in that position out of desperation and PRIDE??? god. GOD. and then the fic you have pinned. the fic that.made me check out your ao3. god . ive been in bad relationships that hurt me greatly and i had to keep seeing the.person. It was So cathartic. the mixing of 2ds identity w murdocs the enmeshment the. The

sorry 4.the.long ask im a little drunk but you HAVE to know you have got a NEW BIG FAN

i wanna see.more of your noodle and cyborg noodle :( noodlez mean so much 2me and 2d and noodle in seething coast got to me so fucking bad. russ' small role also got me weeping but not as much as 2d and bday girl noodle ending did. your 2d is perhaps the most interesting read ive seen on the character so far .

This message brought so much joy to my night, as did your comments on AO3! I apologize for my lateness; I absolutely intend to respond to them over there (as far as my intentions go for the foreseeable future I will always respond to comments or asks, so long as anyone is kind enough to stop by! It just takes a few days sometimes, whoops) but I'm so enchanted by the ephemeral nature of the drunk message, I've got to let you know I've seen it, haha.

I love the sentence "unfortunately, I am not a 2Doc girlie" as it feels quite backwards from the other side of it. I would say, being someone who has written exclusively 2Doc stories for their fanfiction career and runs a bizarrely devoted 2Doc blog years longer than they ought to have, being a 2Doc girlie is an unfortunate thing to be. I wouldn't blame you having apprehensions! If you can believe it, when I got into Gorillaz I would avoid the shipping element altogether and skip past any 2Doc that popped up along my way; I also felt a sense of... neutrality to profound disinterest toward it, and had things gone differently after I may have bowed out without any lasting words exchanged and moved forward along the fandom line, as so many do. I felt some sense of shame, I think, to admit I was reshaping the characters by my own wants, but I accept now that this is what Gorillaz fandom is; the nearer to canon one can go in tone, the better, but there's a point where the road forks (splinters into four forks, and four more further down, really) and for the sake of your own stability and consistency, you have to make a decision about that character's path. Anyway, sorry, I'm rambling! Hopefully that doesn't bore you to tears, but your message made me think about it all again, and I enjoy doing so!

Thank you for reading everything, good gravy, it's a tall order and I'm just-- I am beyond flattered. I am beyond humbled. I am moderately embarrassed by some of the early writing, but I'm incredibly touched nonetheless. I am especially grateful for Paula to make her way into a loving home, biting and spitting all the way. Stuart is not and will never be equipped for the job. ("It's rotten work, especially if it's you," only Paula's not asking him to do it and she's sure as shit not offering it in return. God, I love that woman.)

Thank you. I don't know if it's too sappy and too sincere to say, but I think we grow in sincerity, I think we are emotionally and mentally fed by honesty even to a degree of discomfort, and so I swallow that embarrassment and say... you naming those stories, sharing your thoughts, sharing with me a connection and a sense of caring for Oysters, Ampersands, Seething Coast-- the stories that I cared most for, stories that drew the most from myself even when I tried to obscure it, stories that still sit close to the breast-- that is special. That really means more to me than a comical reply can express. I'm really glad that these scenes meant something to you and that they get to live in another person. That's the horror and the prize of writing, it's the thing you dread doing wrong and losing in the void; but to hear months or years later that it's found someone, and they felt something for it, and they're not embarrassed for you that you've stumbled through making something like this from these characters, that's all you can dream of. That's everything. It matters very much. I can't say I have anything new on the horizon for Noodle (...and I can't say what I have done in the past few months is anywhere near cresting the horizon) but this message gets my heart thu-thumping and has me mulling her over. Maybe one day we can revisit the mess again. If you'd like to listen, this song always makes me think of Stu and Noodle, specifically on that illusion of solid ground in the years after Plastic Beach. I listened to it sometimes to get in the mood to write them.