#regulus is just anemic to me

[grape-v1nes]

Regulus has like really horrible circulation which makes his hands constantly ice-cold and it startles James every time Regulus touches him

[fruitcoops]

Clean Slate

Ah, the passage of time. If anyone has been here since the first phone call, you may be entitled to financial compensation (or an AARP membership). Character credit goes to @lumosinlove <3

“Reg?”

On the first ring, as always. “Hey.”

“…hi?”

“I was thinking about going back to Gryff for Christmas.”

“Oh.” Surprise, but pleasant surprise. Regulus shook his pan of sausage. “Yeah, sounds good. You always have a room here. Or were you staying with the cubs?”

“With you.” He stretched his neck from side-to-side. Tension bled out of his forehead and shoulders at the familiar roll of French on his tongue. “If that’s okay.”

“Always,” Sirius answered immediately, almost hasty. Regulus wasn’t sure they’d ever get past that. Ah, well. The damage was done.

The line remained quiet for a moment. Sausage sizzled, and he turned to the pile of green beans on the cutting board. Leo had taught him how to snap the ends off with his fingernails, and though he was better now about not chewing them to the quick, he still didn’t like the feeling of stuff stuck beneath them. Regulus had really only called to clarify plans.

“How—how are your friends?”

“Good.” Sirius liked to talk, even if he wasn’t very good at it. “Jax and Kris set up the living room last night.”

“Do they still have that stupid poster?”

Regulus snorted under his breath and carefully sliced the tip off another bean. “They tried to hang it in the window.”

Sirius groaned.

Regulus grinned. He supposed he could have a little mercy. “Don’t worry, it’s under my bed.”

“Somehow, that’s worse.”

“I can’t get rid of it. It’s their favorite possession. They have a thing for your long hair and the murder face. Jax is still waiting for the day you spontaneously get divorced and need a hot young college student to rebound.”

He wasn’t sure whether the gagging sound Sirius made was real or exaggerated. As long as he was in mild torment, Regulus was happy. A simple, ever-amusing perk of long-distance communication.

“I hope your classmates are less in tune with pop culture.”

“Hockey, yes. Pop culture, no.” Regulus eyed the pan, then added another knob of butter to be safe. There was nothing worse than a burnt vegetable. “And my classes are going well, thank you for asking.”

“You’re welcome.”

He rolled his eyes. It didn’t matter that Sirius couldn’t see it; the message would certainly get through.

“Don’t make that face at me.”

“I’m not making a face.”

“You always make faces.”

Regulus stuck his tongue out at the microwave above the stove.

“I can feel you doing it again.”

“That was a different one. I’m taking physics 3 this year and it’s making me want to eat a doorknob already.”

“You’re anemic enough that it would probably help.”

“I take my supplements!” Regulus argued, shaking his pan. “Not my fault we were force-fed protein in fucking sun-less Canada.”

“We had sun, you just never went outside,” Sirius countered, like it was some sort of argument. “I don’t have to take supplements.”

“Well, you’re perfect and bulletproof, as everyone knows.”

“Exactly.”

Regulus angled his face at the dark phone screen when he pulled a face this time. It was a good one. Pity that Sirius couldn’t see it. He should’ve gone for FaceTime.

“Are you starting a fire?”

“I’m making dinner.”

“So…yes?”

“Not all of us have a home cook.”

“I can cook now.”

“Oh, you’ve been housebroken.” Regulus blew out a mouthful of steam as he tested a piece of sausage. “How thrilling for Lupin.”

“You’re such an asshole.”

“Takes one to know one. I learned that last week.”

He could feel Sirius shaking his head. “Knutty is formally banned from teaching you new slang.”

“You’ve never said ‘no’ to him in his entire career.” Regulus let the line hang silent for another half-minute as he turned the burner off and began scraping his dinner into a bowl. It still bore a faint orange tinge from last year’s finals-week spaghetti run. He fished a piece of pasta out of the water and popped it in his mouth, grimacing at the heat on his tongue. It was cooked well enough—at least, he was hungry enough to forgive a more al dente texture.

“By the way,” he started, as if his stomach wasn’t stuttering. “I think I’ll be back in time for family skate.”

The shuffling sounds on Sirius’ end came to an abrupt halt. “That’s nice,” came the faux-casual answer.

Anxiety made a valiant effort to claw up and silence his tongue. “I was thinking about going.”

“Well,” Sirius began, then paused. Regulus swallowed a few times to clear the block in his throat while Sirius pondered. “I—yeah, sounds good.”

“I want to.”

“Good.” Sirius’ relief was audible. “Okay, good. You can change your mind.”

“Don’t be weird about it,” Regulus ordered as he toed his slippers on and made his way to the apartment’s tiny coffee table. They’d get chairs at some point, but for now three pillows sat on the floor beside it.

“I’m never weird.”

“Boo, liar.”

“Freak.”

“I’m telling Lupin.”

“Do it. He likes me better. I can cook.”

“I’m—” Regulus caught himself at the last second and felt Sirius’ breath hitch on the other end of the line in anticipation. “—not joking, I actually want to go and play stupid ice fetch with your irritating friends, and nobody is making me feel pressured.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t sound so…” He wrinkled his nose and stuffed a mouthful of pasta into his mouth. “Smiley.”

“It’ll be good to have you home.”

“If you’re weird, I’m staying with Leo,” Regulus threatened. “For real, this time.”

“Right, because you love being around people who are engaged and anywhere near a holiday, or mistletoe, or the magic of Christmas—”

His loud groan silenced Sirius’ words, but not his laughter. “Get your laughs in now, before I whoop your ass on the ice.”

“Would love to see you try.”

“Don’t sound so thrilled.”

“Everyone else is going to underestimate you. I won’t be nice like that.”

“You’re never nice,” Regulus lied.

Sirius let him eat in peace until he was scraping the last bits of cheese from the bottom of the bowl. He heard the faint beeping of the dishwasher buttons in the background and glanced at his own sink, nearly overflowing with haphazard dishes from the first chaotic weeks of their senior year. The apartment was a pleasant change from living on campus, such as it was. Jax and Kris had offered to pay rent—tried to strongarm him, really—but a few withering looks had finally made them relent. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was his. Theirs.

The string lights lining the ceiling weren’t strictly allowed, but Regulus liked their gentle blue cast. The blanket Remus and Sirius had sent as a housewarming gift sat cozily on the back of their couch. Curtains from Jax’s mother let in just the right amount of light in the mornings.

“Call me if you need anything, okay?”

The sound of Sirius’ voice in his earbuds startled him. “Yeah,” Regulus said. “Yeah, sure.”

“Even for laundry.” Sirius tried for wry, and it made Regulus crack a small smile, but it was gentler than either of them intended. “Don’t shrink your clothes. Check the tags.”

Always do, he thought, but kept it down. “Good advice. No centipedes here, yet.”

Sirius’ laugh was a little weak. “You’re just not looking hard enough.”

“Eugh, don’t say that.” Regulus blinked fast, tipping his head toward the ceiling. “Hey, this washer even has a ‘normal’ setting, if you can believe it.”

“Oh, wow. Lucky you.”

Picking up the phone on the first ring, always. For four years straight. “I’ll see you at Christmas.”

“We can come up in October, if you want.”

Of course Sirius had the academic calendar on-hand. “I’ll be gone that weekend with the guys. We didn’t want to be around all the new parents. They’re very damp.”

“And you melt when water touches you, of course.”

“Of course.”

Sirius let out a quiet breath. “See you at Christmas, Reg. Call me when you have flights.”

“Mhm.”

“Stay safe.”

“Always do.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I do here,” he corrected.

“Fine.”

“Miss you.” The streetlights down the road were just starting to come on. “Say hi to Lupin for me.”

“He’s in the other room,” Sirius offered. “You can say it yourself.”

“I’ll talk to you both enough at Christmas.”

“Call any time. And let us know when you hear back about graduation tickets.”

What a terrifying thought to leave for the end of the call. “I’ll forward it to you.”

“I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Okay. Bye.” And before he could second-guess himself—“I’ll be home soon.”

“Don’t talk to strangers,” Sirius answered. Regulus heard the truth under it. “And do your laundry.”

[wafflinglumos]

Current day Wolfstar(let me preface this by saying, you should take liberties when it comes to these character, JKR sucks, these are just my gripes with how the fandom currently perceives these two)

Aka I’m annoyed so I’m making it everyone else’s problem. The “stupid feminine Sirius who’s 5’4 and who’s oh so much uglier than Remus, and he’s basically just a charity case!” STOP IT, stop it stop it, stop it. I have zero problem with feminine Sirius, go wild, my problem is with relating femininity to weakness and stupidity.

Also, I am so, SO sick of “big alpha 6’5 hot Gryffindor Casanova Remus Lupin”, not only does it not make sense, it’s annoying, and it reinforces gender roles. Remus Lupin spent his whole life being told he was basically a big scary monster, who can’t be around other children, HOW do you think he would react to being perceived as this big angry asshole with no regard for the people around him?

ALSO, Remus Lupin was NOT drop dead gorgeous, I’m sorry to say, he was not the hottest guy around(that is still my darling man and I will not tolerate anything against my darling man), he was a scrawny werewolf with scars, and premature lines and shabby clothing, if anything, he looked like an anemic average British man in the seventies, if not below average.

Sirius was literally “Hogwarts’ pretty boy”. I’m not saying this to make Remus seem like a charity case, because, wolfstar is pointless when you make one the “man” or “woman”, or “hot” and “ugly”, i’m saying this because Casanova Remus Lupin annoys me, if ANYONE was “Casanova of Gryffindor Tower” it was Sirius Black. (I also think people forget the negative connotation with the term “Casanova”, which is sometimes annoying to see when talking about Remus, or Sirius)

Also, I could talk about how canonically, Sirius was the tallest marauder, or how a huge part of his character was HOW hot he was, I could talk about how he was hotter than Regulus, i COULD talk about how Remus wasn’t the smartest marauder, I could talk about how Sirius is canonically an overly clever wizard, I could talk about how if anyone is aggressive between the two, it was Sirius, but, I don’t think I will, because that will seem like I’m trying to push Sirius being the “aggressive man” of the two, and Remus being the “ugly woman” of the two, and I don’t believe that,

Wolfstar has now become just a way to reinforce gender roles on two characters, and that’s gross, making Remus the smart aggressive “man” of the relationship, and Sirius the stupid small “woman” of the relationship, is just gross dude.

Wolfstar doesn’t HAVE to fall into gender norms, that’s not necessary, neither of them HAVE to be the “man” or “woman”, that’s NOT necessary.

Remus being a funky looking guy, while Sirius is a hot nepo baby, is so beautiful, and it makes their relationship so much more interesting than “man aggressive and hot” and “woman ugly but pretty and pathetic”.

Anyways, let Remus be a skrunkly little man, and let Sirius be hot, also STOP ASSIGNING GENDER ROLES TO THEM OH MY GOOOOOD DHFBFJDJCJ

[marsabillions]

you're SO RIGHT about barty and regulus, they're too different to be highschool best friends and i will die on this hill. they have different opinions about many things and they often argue to prove they're right. then they say that "all friends argue, we do it affectionately", but deep down they hate each other a little bit. a very very little bit BUT...

Their friendship is just sssosoooo ARGH to me

For Barty, I think it’s a good example of how he acts within relationships that are not as intense as what he has with his family and Evan. In general, I really like Barty’s deal within his DE arc straight out of Hogwarts bc he’s kind of reached peak evolution by that point. He has much more freedom, he’s forming new and important relationships, getting new motivations, he’s enacting political schemes and doing mass acts of violence. We’ve reached the destination with Barty’s corruption arc at that point and it’s such a period of change/maturity for him I’m honestly so obsessed with it. Barty’s friendship with Regulus is so emblematic of this place in his life, precisely bc its so casual and Barty has very little to hide from Regulus. I just think it allows an entirely new side of his emotional/mental process.

But my fave way to see them is through Regulus’ eyes. Barty is the closest he’s ever gotten to having a real friend. A key part of Regulus’ character to me is his loneliness: his family’s love is proven time and time again to be conditional. He struggles with sexuality and romantic relationships because of his gayness and the crippling shame he carries from that. He’s not a particularly important Death Eater and does not have a personal connection with Voldemort (ala Barty or Bella). And he has no friends. He has a whole string of acquaintances and even a “group” at Hogwarts, but he doesn’t connect with any of them. He has superficial and competitive bonds with these boys he grew up; many times they’re outright cruel to each other. He’s this emotionally anemic person who leads himself into isolation because he’s too proud/cowardly to admit that participating in this patriarchal, upper class social game is killing him.

So forming the beginnings of an actual friendship with Barty means a lot to him. Barty shows Regulus a side of himself no one else does and Regulus has never had that. Unconsciously, I think Regulus allows himself to get comfortable with Barty in a very short amount of time bc even scraps of connection are smth he’s not used to. It’s just so interesting to me!! And even if i dont think their friendship would last very long as they have wildly different priorities still!! Brief as it may be it’s a very rich situation for the both of them

[basiatlu]

I’m a big fan of Harry/Regulus, they are my two favorite Anemic Victorian Waifs, and therefore are prefect for each other(also just image how Sirius would react, it would be chaos)

Harry discovers a mysterious portrait, hidden in a dark corner of Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

I dunno if this is what you imagined but the idea jumped out at me and I couldn’t shake it. Still trying to figure out how I want Reg to look, personally. Don’t ask why Harry here is wandering around his decrepit house in his skivvies and a tank. Imagine it’s probably stuffy/hot there during summer time.

[spindrifters]

ok ok wait counterpoint. not to be super insane but i think accidentally throwing up a little on someone’s d*ck is an inevitable stage of the learning process of getting really good at head 😭.. like if he isn’t small and you’re getting super up in there for the first time. you’re going to accidentally hit the Part In Your Throat that instantly makes u vomit BECAUSE U DONT KNOW IT’S THERE YET!!! ik i sound like a weird gay slut but i know 3 or 4 people who this has happened to and it’s really not a huge deal… i first started dating my now-boyfriend before i knew proper sloppy top and i vomited on him and he laughed SO hard at me. but cleaned my sheets to apologize for brutalizing my throat and told me i was sweet and he brings the enthusiasm up as a joke to this day. THAT is jegulus. on the other hand. i have also thrown up on a stranger’s dick after taking him home from a house party and he SCREAMED and i screamed and we both just screamed. and that is wolfstar. that is all

okay you had me up until "THAT is jegulus" because I firmly believe that a) there's no situation where regulus would be sucking off james (sorry if you're new here, this isn't a jegulus account) but more importantly b) regulus is a frail inbred anemic baby bird and the only thing aggressive about him is his gag reflex. I wholeheartedly believe he could be the one doing the vomiting here but he would never let it be spoken of again. you so much as get a glint in your eye to joke about it, he's prissing off to sulk.

anyway, tl;dr these situations are BOTH wolfstar, actually, but neither of them preclude anyone else from winning the poll, and you're so fucking right that it just doesn't have to be that big a deal.