#regardless of how many updates theyve had

[sonknuxadow]

how did sonic superstars get nominated for best family game at the game awards while sonic frontiers, an infinitely better sonic game, got nothing this year or last year aside from the players voice nomination .... also they nominated mario and a few other games for like 500 different categories while only one category had a sonic related thing AND they let genshin impact back in AGAIN........ do you think the game awards are specifically designed to torture sonic fans . whatever sonic frontiers game of the year to ME.

[juni-ravenhall]

yeah, but when anyone criticises the same type of stuff about sse, ppl on here who criticise or make fun of astride dont react the same way. if u say those things about sso its too harsh, if its astride - which are still in the early stages of development for reasonable reasons - then its seen as fine and good vibes. (i dont mind ppl comparing to rivershine, but the fact is that each dev is different. astride team are still ok to be early in the dev process at this timeframe, regardless of how fast rivershine dev works alone. rivershine is also way more efficient than sse and worth its cost than sso in some ways, but again, criticism of sse is seen as worse than criticism of any other horse game / devs.)

sse have broken many promises, theyve suggested things that then never happened (they are getting a lot better the past 1-2 years but thats been a LONG ass wait, they had lots of time to change but didnt for years, and the game was still expensive)

they chose to use a bad spaghetti engine to make their mmo and dont seem to have had many programmers or game designers hired who actually can work with the engine properly - by which i mean, they constantly resorted to very simple mechanics to avoid having to make complex new changes to the code, and updates are frequently very buggy compared to other games partially bc of this

- and partially bc they are unable to properly test and QA their game, most likely due to bad management, which is also worth criticising in its own point

they released way more cosmetic stuff (similar to astride) than actual meaningful gameplay/storyline updates for a long time, and again only starting to change recently

the quality of sso wouldnt be considered worth its cost to most ppl outside the sso bubble, until *maybe* now recently with the new features, improved graphics, storyline actually going somewhere, etc. to pay that much for all those crappy fetch quests and very basic game mechanics and long-term unfixed bugs is weird compared to what actual fun gameplay you can get for the same money - and the only reason they get away with that is bc they didnt have competition (there werent any other more fun horse games). a lot of ppl wouldnt have paid for this if they had other choices to get the right horse game fix.

sse still seems to be lacking in direction and understanding of good game design, priorities, etc to some degree even despite all the improvements we've seen in the past 1-2 years. (but maybe most of all, even when they do improvements its hard for them to not be able to properly test and QA with the structure they chose to have, plus delivering on time with the schedule they chose to have)

my point here is that sse has done so much stuff worth criticising and many of the things are even similar to astride's or the anime horse game's problems. after i paid for lifetime, immediately sse went and broke promises and lacked in meaningful updates, so what i paid for *for years* wasnt really what i was expecting to get for my money.

but if we talk about that, a lot of the time theres backlash on ssoblr (or from defenders elsewhere) and judgmental behaviour towards sharing these criticisms and opinions, and again, it seems way more acceptable to write harsh criticism about small and new games/studios than sso/sse, who had so much time to improve and make the game more objectively worth its costs but they chose not to (until now, bc they are doing that!)

so did astride team do anything actually wrong or is it just more okay to shit on a tiny indie team that havent been developing their game for very long compared to shitting on sso?

(afaik they were clear in the kickstarter that the game would take years to develop and were also clear on social media that the EA release was basically just going to be a horse maker, and if they set the price they feel is necessary [for reasons you dont know since you dont work there] then i dont see how that should be different than saying that sso's costs are valid. aka why complain about sso cost critics while simultaneously calling astride's EA release overpriced)

[kiruuuuu]

Doc/Lion oneshot in which Lion absolutely can’t get enough of Doc. (Rating E, pure filth + fluff, ~4k words) - written for the ever so wonderful 1ce_09 on twitter ♥♥ Everyone who hasn’t already, check them out for beautiful Siege art! Thank you so much for commissioning me, I enjoyed myself :)

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If anyone had asked Lion a year – hell, months – ago which part of the day was his least favourite, he would’ve said waking up. Throughout his life, the only consistently good thing staying with him has been how easily he falls asleep and his ability to only wake up once fully rested; he sometimes thinks it’s a genuine blessing he received, a rare show of mercy of which he’s ultimately undeserving. Even when his mind worked overtime, even when there was an oppressive weight on his soul, even when there was no reason to get up in the morning, he drifted off like a lazy, oversized house cat napping in the sun. In rare moments, he idly wonders whether this ability hasn’t saved his life at some point, granted him this little bit of energy he needed to get through the day, gave him enough hope to trudge on and eventually sparked his endeavour to make it up to those he wronged.

And then there are his dreams. They’ve always been vivid, abstract, hard to grasp, but as a child he could always pinpoint at least a location or a person, something concrete which gave him an indication of what was on his mind at the time. After – after Claire, after colourful pills and pieces of paper with cartoon characters on them and a few other things, his nightly visions became even more obscure, swirls of colour, evoking emotions whose vibrancy stays with him in this twilight between waking and sleeping, a half-doze in which he’s disembodied yet conscious. He enjoys their embrace and despised nothing more than the afterimages being violently ripped away from him by a shrill alarm.

These days, he doesn’t mind it so much. The reason for his change of mind is as fortunate as it is unbelievable because of all its facets no one could’ve predicted, especially not him: It’s someone he loves (and he’d given up on this particular idea a while ago). It’s a man (and while he’s fooled around with some of his friends before, it was largely born from spite and the thrill of the forbidden). And of all people, it’s Doc.

It took him months to come to terms with the realisation that his infuriating colleague never really left his thoughts because of a fierce desire to impress him, not because of personal dislike. Doc is revered wherever he treads and when Lion earned his ire, it was much easier to pretend the negativity dictating Lion’s remorseless remarks and actions towards the other man stemmed from disdain and not disappointment in himself, not from a knee-jerk reaction to the realisation that Doc would never see him as an equal now.

It took him even longer to finally act on it too, reach out and attempt to rebuild the bridge Doc had destabilised and which Lion had spitefully burned in response; it required endless conversations with Bertrand as well as the rest of the GIGN, a worrisome amount of self-reflection, and uncomfortable, tough admissions.

But he managed. Looking back, it’s amazing how much he turned his life around, how much he achieved with the help of those around him and indubitably help from above, and he’s humble enough to try and let his gratitude shine through in everything he does these days.

He even learnt to enjoy waking up. Though admittedly it wasn’t difficult, no, not at all, not when he knows he’ll have company, be greeted with a smile and a kiss, a brief update on global events, a cup of coffee just how he likes it. And so instead of hitting the snooze button on his phone several times, tossing and turning, dreading the beginning of yet another day, he wakes with a serenity he never thought he could achieve.

This morning, his heart feels even lighter than normal and it doesn’t take long to figure out why: there’s a warm body next to his. Doc prefers getting up early, always prefers being prepared no matter what and possesses the inhuman ability to sleep without an alarm and be on time anyway – but rarely, on one of their days off, he allows himself to sleep in, much to Lion’s delight.

Smiling to himself, he rolls on his side to dazedly blink at the spectacular view in front of him and really, Doc has no business being this gorgeous this early in the day. He’s stretched out on his stomach – and he’s the only person Lion has met who sleeps this way –, head turned away from Lion, explaining his constant neck pains, and smooth skin illuminated by the rays falling in through the blinds, painting long stripes on his naked back.

Lion doesn’t want to disturb the image yet reaches out regardless, runs his fingertips over shoulder blades jutting out, the dip of his lower back, relaxed muscles, and reaches the blanket covering Doc from the hips downwards. He should let him sleep. Really, he should, but with every centimetre more that’s revealed, Lion’s interest rises. He takes his time, pauses when he hears his lover take a deep breath and proceeds when it evens out again. Slowly, surely, he reveals plump curves and more soft skin, and then his gaze falls on the discoloured spots on the back of Doc’s thighs and the almost languorous desire playfully swaying in the back of his mind suddenly gets shoved to the very forefront, makes his heart skip a beat and his crotch throb.

Memories from the previous evening come flooding back, the end of a tedious work day necessitating some kind of release – they’d started as soon as they set foot into their apartment, Lion crowding his lover against the door and licking every bit of composure off his tongue, then wandering deeper with his hungry mouth and swallowing him whole, something he’s come to love, provided he can watch Doc’s features dissolve into helpless want while sucking on him, hard. He took his time, did so for the rest too, left Doc aching and fingered him open over the couch until he was flushed and flustered and even more beautiful, took him standing up until his legs gave in, relocated to the kitchen table, eventually landed in bed where he finished them both off with merciless snaps of his hips, listening to Doc’s desperate whines and floating on pure ecstasy.

The bruises are remnants, and now he also feels the scratches on his back again which he didn’t let the other man see, angled his body so he wouldn’t notice the damage he’s done – he usually feels bad about leaving marks though Lion can never get enough. It’s one of the many small disagreements about which they half-heartedly argue and neither of them is ready to budge, but more often than not they end with a hand in someone’s hair or quick kisses. There’s more, now that he knows where to look, Doc’s ass cheeks themselves are still tinted red and the lovebites Lion sucked onto his ribs remain perfectly visible as well.

Maybe he should add a few.

Moving carefully, he removes the blanket entirely, admires Doc’s shapely legs for a moment and then kneels between them, intending no more than to touch the sleeping beauty a little, but as soon as his palms come to rest on firm flesh, a different thought makes his cock twitch in anticipation. Doc is perfectly on display like this, the hills and valleys of his body enticing in a way that Lion wants nothing more than mould himself around them, and he decides to appreciate it all by waking Doc with something more… personal than simply covering him in hickeys.

Thumbs pull the cheeks apart a little, exposing a pink hole which looks overwhelmingly inviting to Lion, a hole he abused to his heart’s content the previous evening and so it’s only appropriate for him to make up for the rough treatment, isn’t it? He leans forward and gingerly circles the rim with the tip of his tongue, starting feather-light and increasing the intensity slowly, intersperses it with broad laps and has to suppress a moan when he feels the ring of muscle pulsing in response. He’s felt similar contractions around his shaft so many times before and the association is all he needed for a full, heavy erection – especially when he remembers Doc’s usual, elated expression whenever he climaxes.

The hips beneath his hands shift a little, and a foot lifts, powerless, and when he pushes the tip of his tongue inside, Doc lets out a sleepy groan. “Really?”, he mumbles into the sheets but makes no move to stop Lion. “Didn’t we do enough yesterday?”

He grins and forces himself a little deeper, eliciting a weak moan, before withdrawing for a reply: “Gustave, I can never have enough of you.” And to cut off any smart remark, he wiggles his tongue back inside and turns all of Doc’s protests into small, appreciative noises. Though his lover appears to be the voice of reason more often than not, he allows himself to get swept up by Lion’s passion all the time, mentioning work but riding him with abandon ten minutes later, scolding him for only thinking about one thing but asking him to come on his face the same day. Lion never minds initiating, not when this is the result: an increasingly aroused Doc meeting his mouth with subtle grinding, fisting the sheets and not even fully awake yet.

A curious finger proves Doc to be more than loose enough a few minutes later, and by this point they’re both panting and dizzy – and besides, Lion has always been more of a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ type, so he wastes no time in grabbing the lube strategically placed on the bedside table to pour a generous amount on his stiff cock, wincing a little at the cool, viscous liquid. A few strokes for good measure coat it sufficiently and the next moment he’s rubbing his tip over the very hole he licked open just now, felt it quiver around his tongue. The touch is electrifying and the fierce need pulsing through him urges him to give in, take what’s his, ensure his own pleasure.

But he waits. Bites his lip in impatience, pushes slightly against the entrance and shivers when he feels it give way a little, squeezes one of the buttcheeks he maltreated in the sweetest way possible last night – but he waits.

And then Doc meets him, lifts his hips to allow the head to slip inside and both of them gasp at the sudden surge of pleasure. Lion accepts this signal for what it is and begins the slow slide, pushes deeper and deeper into deliciously tight heat, feels Doc’s walls contract around his dick and only stops once he’s bottoms out. Since his lover usually requires a moment to adjust, Lion uses this time to not only focus on how fucking good he feels, but also to straddle the other man properly and lean down, cover him with his own body and place a few loving kisses on the top of his head.

“Other people wake their boyfriends with breakfast in bed”, Doc grumbles under him, now less bleary than before, but the hand he places next to Lion’s contradicts his words. He spreads his fingers and Lion interlaces them with his own, holds on tight and makes no move to suppress the smile stretching his lips at the gesture.

“Their boyfriends are definitely not as erotic as mine then”, he purrs into Doc’s hair. His limbs are possessively caging the other man in and even then, it hardly suffices to sate his need to be as close to Doc as possible, feel all of him.

“What you mean to say is they have more than just a shred of self-control.” And oh, he’s going to make Doc eat those words.

Slowly, he begins grinding down, impatient erection twitching eagerly inside and rubbing against all the right places if Doc’s startled gasp is anything to go by. He loves it deep and Lion knows it, rolls his hips against his lover’s perfect ass and makes him feel every centimetre keenly. For good measure, he bows his head to latch onto that spot right below Doc’s ear which he knows drives him wild, tongues at it wetly before sucking and relishes the unrestrained moan he earns for his trouble. Over time, he’s memorised all of Doc’s weakspots and exploits this knowledge now shamelessly, bites at his earlobe and trails his lips over soft skin to the back of Doc’s neck where he nibbles, his lazy motions emphasising his ministrations.

By now, Doc is trembling against him, the deep grind stealing his breath and causing him to jerk his hips up in search of more thorough stimulation than this merciless teasing, trying to fuck himself on Lion’s cock but failing. Frustrated huffs join the quiet panting, his grip involuntarily tightening parallel to him clenching desperately around Lion’s hard shaft and it’s mesmerising to behold how his mock crossness melts away into pure lust.

Doc’s other hand reaches back and digs into Lion’s ass, tries to get him to move more, faster, anything, but when that fails as well, he pleads: “Come on, just fuck me, Olivier.”

He knows how this goes. Grinning to himself, Lion tenses his muscles to make his dick throb inside additionally to the tantalising motions and decides to have even more fun. “You look so pretty, impaled on my cock”, he whispers and throws Doc a bone, withdraws all the way and slowly slides back in, keeps this torturous pace and sighs contentedly every time Doc’s hole allows him back in, stretches around him. He meant his words – he really can never get enough of this.

Uneven breaths have turned into whines now. “Olivier, please -”

“I could fuck you, pump you full of come and then leave you, dripping and begging for it”, he continues and concentrates on the steady build of pleasure – a slow climb but oh so satisfying. Doc feels wonderful around him. “Could do that the entire day. Every time you suck me until I’m hard again, I shoot inside but you’re not allowed to come. You can ride my cock all day, Gustave.” The thought is dazzling and he probably never fantasised about someone while being balls deep inside that very person, yet he can’t help but picture Doc all powerless, frenzied, obeying him fully. He knows Doc is too proud to actually agree to anything like it, though the throaty moan Doc lets out in response tells Lion unambiguously that he’s imagining it – and actually enjoys the thought. Still, Lion’s thumb strokes reassuringly over the hand he’s still holding.

“Please, I want you, go faster -” Doc’s impatience has reached its peak now, he shoves himself onto Lion’s member in one go and pushes against him, whimpers when Lion gnaws at his neck in retaliation and rises nonetheless, lifting his lover’s body with him. The teasing has left him frantic and exactly how Lion likes it, cheeks red and gaze almost defiant when he glares at the larger man over his shoulder. Lion could spend all day marvelling at the state of him.

Instead, he relents, guides Doc onto his hands and knees and grabs his hips to steady him, fingers brushing over the bruises on Doc’s thigh, the faint purplish tinge an expression of his devotion. “You want it hard?”, he asks and is almost surprised at how breathy his own voice is. Unbridled want is pulsing through him, vicious and blinding, making his digits itch and cock ache.

Doc nods wordlessly and it’s probably good he can’t see the pure joy on Lion’s face over the admission. Even now, even with how familiar they are with each other, every confirmation of the passion, respect and love they share sparks delight.

A sharp snap of Lion’s hips later and his focus is elsewhere again. Now he’s getting serious, drives into Doc at a fast tempo, watches as his entire erection disappears inside him and tries his best not to come on the spot. The abrupt stimulation is almost too much but he keeps going through the discomfort paired with blunt need until he hears himself moan loudly in pleasure, dig his fingertips into Doc’s flesh. He’s not going to last long, that much is clear, but he’s going to make it good regardless.

A few pointed thrusts elicit more dazed whimpering from his lover, a picturesque arch of his back to allow Lion to penetrate him all the way and even another, decidedly more heated glance back at him. They’re both equally into it, tensing and moving against each other amid the sound of skin slapping against skin, the rustling of sheets as Doc desperately seeks support, leverage, anything to hold on to – and Lion shares the sentiment of feeling wholly lost yet not wanting to be found. Ruthlessly, he slams into his lover, chasing his pleasure, helping Doc pursue his own, and makes no effort to hide his enjoyment.

A sudden spike almost pushes him over the edge when Doc’s arms give in, accompanied by something that sounds suspiciously like a keen, and now he’s really pounding him into the mattress, showing him just how deep his desire runs, how comprehensive his attraction is. He can’t even pinpoint which part it is exactly about Doc that drives him this wild, fills him with the urge to claim, mark, embrace and never let go; and he revels in the knowledge of being able to make this otherwise so poised, dignified and professional man fall apart, provoke emotions from him he displays for no one else.

“Come for me”, Lion gasps in between the creaking of the bed, “do it. Come on, amour, Gustave, I want to feel it.” And the sounds he wrenches from Doc’s throat with every thrust get impossibly louder when his lover reaches for his dick, probably not able to keep up with the merciless rhythm with which Lion is driving into him but still good enough. He gets tighter, even more so when Lion’s breath hitches, followed by a growl. He’s getting closer by the second, Doc’s noises and velvety heat making up the perfect catalyst -

And then Doc orgasms, surprisingly quickly for how little he stroked himself, he must’ve been primed, possibly dreamt of Lion and this thought is a whole other turn-on he shelves away for later. Right now, he watches, utterly transfixed, as Doc spasms under him, hips rolling futilely to either increase the intensity or shy away from it as he shoots his sperm in short bursts in between the hard thrusts. Lion fucks him through it, runs one of his palms over the dancing muscles of Doc’s back and shudders at the violent contractions around his throbbing cock; fucks him through the aftershocks, too, tiny jolts which speak of a very satisfying climax. Lion isn’t there yet, however, not fully, teetering on the edge, carefully controlling himself so he can take all of Doc in and -

“Finish inside, Olivier”, Doc demands, voice shaky, and he’s gone.

His abs tense with a delicious kind of pain at the first wave of blissful release washing through him. He buries himself deep inside his lover and moans in disbelief over how abruptly pleasure explodes behind his eyelids and nearly folds in half at the intensity, gasping for air as his cock twitches and probably adding a few bruises to the existing ones. Momentary blindness allows him to be wholly aware of Doc moving against him to milk him for every drop, of overwhelming relief encompassing his entire being as he orgasms, surrounded by scorching heat and momentarily losing all sense of reality.

Coming down is a slow, gradual affair, both of them slumping a little and Lion bending so he can rest his forehead on Doc’s shoulder blade as they both catch their breath, bask in the afterglow and enjoy the feel of shared body heat, companionship and sweet exhaustion. Lion peppers his boyfriend’s shoulder with kisses once he can see straight again, withdraws tentatively and sits up to examine the masterpiece he just fucked into existence in all its glory: shiny skin, reddened cheeks, a gaping hole, dark marks and lovebites, and, after a few seconds, a thin stream of white leaking out.

Lion is definitely unable to get hard immediately after a climax this exquisite but his dick gives a feeble jump at the sight nonetheless. He reaches out and catches the droplets with a fingertip, pushes them back to where they came from, pushes them back inside and earns a quiet moan. Adding another digit, he tries to finger the semen as deep as he can and only pauses when Doc kicks him lightly.

“I’m sore enough as it is”, he complains and rolls to the side when Lion withdraws mournfully, yet there’s a bright smile adorning his face when their eyes meet.

With weak knees, Lion stalks back and forth to get them cleaned up (and is actually amazed Doc doesn’t mention the scratches he himself inflicted) but insists on doing one thing by himself: once he’s taken his rightful place by Doc’s side, entangled their legs and exchanged a few loving kisses, he catches Doc’s wrist to lift it to his face and starts to lick his palm clean.

“You’re like a dog”, his lover murmurs fondly and readily spreads his fingers to allow for better access. “They should’ve called you Husky, not Lion – they’re just as noisy and stubborn.”

Lion shoots him a good-natured grin. “Then you should be called Bunny. What was that about self-control?”

“Oh please, you’re the eternally horny one, mon amour.”

“And yet you never say no.” Their lips meet once more in a long, thorough kiss, with Doc climbing on top of Lion halfway through, ending up straddling him and stroking his face affectionately until Lion mouths at his palm while keeping eye contact.

“You really love my hands”, Doc points out quietly.

It’s true, he does – he loves how steady they are on the job, never making a mistake, never causing harm; loves how they’re calloused and scarred, lots of specks and lines lighter in colour telling tales of hard work; loves how they worship him, how gently they treat him, how warm they are when they touch him.

“I also really love you”, Lion says instead of the million other things he could say instead which would amount to the same thing. He’s learnt his lesson about being honest with himself and others and can’t find it in himself to be embarrassed when his admissions make Doc’s face light up like a Christmas tree. “And your hands do good. They’re your most important tools and I’m thankful every time I feel them.” There’s so much more for which he’s grateful that making a list would take him several days, so he tries to convey all which he’s not divulging explicitly with a heartfelt: “Thank you, Gustave.”

Doc’s features soften and he accepts the notion with one last kiss before getting up. “I’m going to brew us some coffee”, he announces, yet pauses by the bedroom door to catch Lion’s gaze and add, softly: “I love you too, Olivier.”

And while Lion remains in bed for a minute longer, stretched out and encased in soothing warmth coming from within, a distracted smile pulling at the corners of his mouth and most of his body tingling pleasantly, he thinks back to his life no more than a year ago. How unthinkable it was that waking up would become his favourite part of the day. But sometimes, the unthinkable happens all the same.

[krykir-blog]

My Experience With Transitioning

fuck me im just copying and pasting what I’ve done up until now

Info already so right now i think im nonbinary but i think i might be completely trans idk (edit later in time: i can say for sure I am completely trans, not just nonbinary.), ive felt this way for a while and my bud sen helped me figure it all out bc i was hella confused and i felt very masculine. A year and a few months ago I cut my hair super short and realized that this was how I've always wanted it because oh my god if i ever grew long hair again id want to die, i hate it and i hated how I looked. So that was that and i was like that for a while and I think sometime during the summer of 2015 i figured out what I wanted to be called (ryan). I started out w/ having people on the internet call me that and it was awesome, but kinda weird having people in real life call me by my birth name and it was really odd. Then October came and my stepcousin was getting married- during that wedding was when i told my dad and stepmum i wanted to be called ryan so I consider that to be the time when I actually started transitioning. It took a painfully long time to get my mother on board to be honest, her boyfriend (who is now her ex) was actually down with it right away but of course he didn't call me or my brother that because it would've been awkward, but we had some late night talks about it frequently. When they broke up it was kinda iffy but I think it was soon after that happened that she started calling me and my brother by our preferred names. At a party my parents went to one night they told all their friends about me and my brother and we've been enrolled in a study, which is 6 MRI's total. I've already had 3 MRI's and let me tell you, they suck, but I think later next year I'm gonna have to get my next round- just basically contribution to help trans people or anyone taking hormones to transition. This year I got into high school and I'm going to a place that's pretty far away from where my last school was, so no one there knows me or that I'm female- I'm completely authentic and I think that's pretty cool, it's what I wanted. So far I think that's all you need to know lmao if I have more info to put down i probably will. Thank you guys for the support, i love you <3 8/29/16 First injection of testosterone. No changes yet ofc, but I found that I was hardly hurt by the needle so now I'm a lot more excited lmao. (Dose amount is currently 0.1 ML) 9/5/16 Second injection. Of course, no changes yet, so there's not much to say except this was my first time doing it at home. stepmum did it tbh, it still surprises me at how much it doesnt hurt lmao 9/12/16 Third injection bois. No really noticeable changes yet however i think i have a bit more hair growth from where the bellybutton is down to the nether areas which is still something and I'll take it xD I'm starting to think I prefer shots in the arm tho. Surprisingly they don't hurt as much as far as I can tell?? it's pretty neat lmao 9/19/16 Still no noticeable changes. I can now say for sure that shots hurt less in the arm than the leg, surprisingly enough at least for me lmao one month b o i s 9/26/16 (sorry for being super late with updating this one) still no noticeable changes yet, dosage is still small as all hell >> 10/3/16 No noticeable changes that I can identify, but I have a friend who told me that my voice is deeper. regardless of that, it's not at all by much at least to me and there's still nothing super noticeable and it's rather irritating. 10/7/16 Not a shot, but my first MRI after getting the three baseline scans before I got testosterone. I got my blood drawn more than I ever have and it got to the point where my vision became brightly dotted and my ears started ringing like mad, it was awful, i thought i was gonna pass out. But the MRI itself was actually a lot better than my last three scans, theyve made so many improvements to make it less anxiety inducing. 4/6 MRIs done, 1/3 blood draws done. 10/10/16 SEVENTH SHOT OF T I'VE BEEN OVER THE MOON TODAY THO 'CAUSE I'M GETTING MY DANK ASS FRIEND A BINDER AS fOR the actual T, I haven't noticed any super big changes but my friends are like "yeah jesus christ ur voice is deeper" so I GUESS THATS THAT I also started recording my voice after the sixth shot so ill keep up w/ that too as much as I can 10/17/16 Still no noticeable changes to me, however we got new needles and the measurements are different and it's weird but ye nothing super exciting to say I guess hhh sorry for being so slow at updating this rip 10/24/16 This time the needle really hurt and idk why but oh well. Still no noticeable changes besides more hair growth on my legs and the happy trail area. I compared my voice now to my 6th shot and there's no distinct difference >> i really wish my dosage was higherrrr Also for some reason I keep having dreams of me with longer hair?? it's really not okay :'D I don't recognize pictures of myself with long hair anymore tho so I guess that's something. 10/31/16 -ok so i dont remember getting a shot this day but w/e, im late to updating it- still no noticeable changes 11/7/16 SO I GAVE MYSELF A SHOT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT WAS AWFUL 1- I PRICKED MY FINGER AND IT STARTED BLEEDING A LOT AND IT STILL HURTS 2- WHEN I ACTUALLY PUT IT IN MY ARM I DIDNT PUT IT IN DEEP ENOUGH SO IT ALL STARTED COMING OUT AND I WAS BLEEDING A LOT IM SICK FROM SCHOOL TODAY AND I HAD DETERMINATION TO DO IT BUT I DIDNT DO WELL 11/14/16 soRRY FOR BEING AWFUL AT UPDATING i had a really shitty monday this most recent monday but its ok my friend brought their trans bf over and watched me and my borther put in our shots and it was chill no noticeable changes to report i dont think 11/21/16 Nothing special to report, the needle kinda stung tho oddly 11/28/16 AAAND MY DOSAGE IS NOW 0.2 BOIS I GO BACK IN 3 MONTHS AND ITLL PROBS BE UPPED TO 0.3 BUT IM EXCITED I loved the nurse who drew my blood lmao she was really cool, i love the people who work in that office so much. They're all so nice ;v; I have a bit more acne and my doctor said my voice sounded a bit deeper, so I guess I'll take it. Things should hopefully speed up at 0.2. 12/5/16 Second shot on 0.2! It didn't hurt as bad as the last one which is good~ I've been noticing more acne on my face nd shoulders which is also hella //well in progress terms it is 12/12/16 YOU GUYS MY VOICE IS GETTING MORE RASPY AND I CAN CRACK IT ALL OVER THE PLACE EASIER THAN I COULD BEFORE ITS NOT SUPER NOTICEABLE YET BUT IM GETTING THERE IM EXCITE SORRY FOR BEING SHITTY AT UPDATING THIS ITS OK 12/19/16 BREATHES NOTHING SUPER NOTEWORTHY BUt my voice iS noticeably going down- not a ton buT AGAIN ITS GETTING THERE ;V; My arm really hurts tho for the first time after and idk why 'cause the shot iddnt hurt at all 12/25/16 Not a shot but just a lil random update ;;v; MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ERRYONE BY THE WAY, I HOPE YOU ALL HAd a great day! sO onto the stuff Today I got an assload of money and I'm deciding to spend a lot of it on a packer and a packing harness. I already bought the harness but I'm gonna have my dad order the packer since there's no good ones on amazon hhhh buT YE IM PUMPED ILL HAVE A BULGE 12/30/16 HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS MY VOICE IS GETTING REALLY NOTICEABLY DEEP IM LITERALLY SCREAMING [link] 1/5/17 I GOT MY PACKER MOTHERFUCKERS ITS HUGE AND ITS GREAT AND IVE GOT A DICK NOW 1/9/17 This is the day I officially became male. This is the day I officially became Ryan. I never have to write my birth name ever again. I am so fucking happy. The judge was super super nice and I was anxious as fuck but it ended up super well. Voice is still getting deeper and im getting hairier in some places, it's great~