#reeking of stale cigs and old beer

[direwombat]

been noodling on syb's herald au for funsies and it really is just "au syb was raised by her dad so now she's evil about it"

[smoketransformer]

Please turn a hairless twink like me into a real man who drinks beers 24/7

The Smoke Transformer can do this; you won’t have to stay a skinny and hairless twink anymore. All you will need to do is breath in my smoke and say goodbye to your old self, because today is the day you become a real man.

***

You were just getting out of the shower after a long day of work when you heard a distant knock from the front door. You quickly dried off and wrapped a towel around your waist to make way to the front door.

You open the door and found a small ice cooler with a note on top:

“You asked. You shall receive. Chug this crafted beer to become the man of your dreams. Warning: All changes are permanent.

From,

The Smoke Transformer”

You couldn’t believe that your request was real. Was the Smoke Transformer an actual person? Or some paranormal entity?

Either way, you open up the cooler and grabbed the single beer inside. The can was blank - no labels - but you cracked open the beer and chugged away. You didn’t care for the taste of beer, but you chugged so fast that you couldn’t even taste it.

You threw the can on the ground and hurried to the bathroom to see if the changes would happen.

Right away, you noticed some stubble on your face grow in and your hair shortened.

You got excited and tried to keep the towel on. Your beard didn’t stop growing and you became bald. You figured your beard hair had to come from somewhere. Then you notice some chest hairs growing. You were always envious of men with a hairy chest; now you are one!

There was then another knock on the door. You hurried back to open it. There was an even larger cooler with a box on top. There was also another note:

“Like the beer? Well I got you some more. Drink up, big man.

From,

The Smoke Transformer

P.S. - I also got you a new pair of pants. Also a carton of Marlboro Reds. Didn’t know if you smoked, but I personally love a couple of smokes with a few beers.”

You dragged the large ice chest inside and saw that there was all kinds of beers in there. You were now fully dried so you put the pants on, but they were way too big. You left them on though.

You tossed the carton of cigarettes in the kitchen trash - you didn’t smoke.

The beers did sound good though. You grabbed and opened a can. Wow, it did taste good. You finished it very quickly, practically chugging it.

You grabbed for another and another. Your stomach felt bloated but you kept wanting to drink. You needed it.

You then felt a new urge. A new craving. Not only for beer, but for a smoke. You reached for the carton of Reds from the trash, ripped it open and out a pack. You tapped the pack with your hand. You must have seen other guys do that before, because you knew you had to do that to a fresh pack. You ripped the cellophane off, opened it up and grabbed a cigarette. You placed it on your lips. It felt natural and right. You searched for a lighter in your pockets. Luckily, the Smoke Transformer left you a Zippo in one of the pockets.

You flicked it open and lit the cigarette. Sure, your apartment didn’t allow smoking but you didn’t care. You needed it.

You rolled the cooler full of beer to your lazy chair and sat down. You smoked and drank till you passed out.

The next morning, you felt hungover and bloated. You liked how it felt. You checked the time and you saw that you were late for work. Three hours late, in fact. But you didn’t care.

All you cared about now was drinking beer and smoking cigs. Your grabbed a fresh pack from your carton since you smoked an entire pack last night, using empty beer cans as ashtrays. Your apartment reeked of stale smoke and beer.

You walked to the bathroom to check yourself in the mirror. You placed a fresh Marlboro Red in your lips. You noticed your beard grew larger, along with the rest of your body. Your gut protruded and it was only going to get bigger. Your pants now fit, but you’ll be needing to size up soon.

You are a beer guzzling and Marlboro chaining bear now and for the rest of your drunken life.

This was what you wanted. Aren’t you happy now, real man?

[jxnesiisms]

You Work Here;

You could smell the building before you saw it, stale oil and gasoline wafted down the streets and nearby alleys. Same goes for the workers, reeking of ancient machinery and cigarettes, and beer if you payed real close attention.

Casey rolled himself from under a beat up old Volkswagon, finished putting the final touch on the dingy muffler. He grabbed a rag and hauled himself to his feet, wiping the grime off his hands as he waved to a co-worker, signaling that his task was finished and that he was taking a break.

“Woof, what a day.” He mumbled low, fishing out a crumpled pack of cigarettes and placing one in his mouth. Eyes cast up to the setting horizon that could be seen over the bay, a smile crossing his dirty face as smoke started to rise from the freshly lit cig. 

“Pretty evenin’ at least.”