#recovery was rough but hell yeah!! i got top surgery!!

[videoworm]

Update on the transgenderism

[pxkibu]

Man it's been such a while since an update post or smt. I hope y'all been doing okay! And that 2020 hasn't kicked your butts too harshly.

I'm just gonna catch you up guys a little of what I've been up to. 2019 was even harder for me than 2020 has been. Yeah quarentine sucks and I haven't left my house for months, but past year I lost someone who was dearest to me, my mother passed away on February 26th which was where I decided to take a break from posting stuff and focus on my loss. Sadly I didn't do that, instead of healing I just bottled it all up and I tried so hard to keep my mind distracted and busy. So much to a point where all I would do per day was either drawing, writing, playing or working, I didn't give my hands a rest for a minute and I developed a case of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome on both my hands, on top of that, I also got tendinitis in my left arm and hand. And so on August the 3rd there wasn't anything I could do, I couldn't even cut cheese without it hurting me. I was really really sad and hopeless when the reality sank in.

Recovery was hard, mostly because I don't have health insurance and our health care in Venezhela isn't... good at all. It's pretty crappy to say the least. Nevertheless I did my physical therapies, I got surgery on my left hand and kept trying to be better. Even when I thought I could never draw again, that I had not only lost the person I loved most in the world but also the ability to do what I loved and what kept me with my feet on the ground.

When I was feeling slightly better with my therapies the pandemic and quarentine came in, I could no longer receive medical attention so I tried (and I'm still trying) to not push myself too far. It's been a rough ride but hear me out when I say I'm ridin the hell out of it like a boss.

Oh hey— the good news? I can draw again! With a way slower pace than before, but it's something I could not do a year ago! The last two drawings I submitted are proof of it! It's been a slow process and I really wanna thank my friends and my bro for being patient with me. I couldn't have done it without them.

Sorry if it's too long lmao and if you came this far: drinks tons of water, stretch your hands before working and take care! 💖

[repulsivepangolin7]

Fic: 31 days of whump (2/31)

A/N: Oh, what the heck, I might as well rapid-fire the first two or three.

Word count: 3 764

He knew a good portion of his character flaws. One was dyslexia, although he didn’t really consider it a flaw anymore. Another was what someone, sometime, had argued had to be ADHD, or at least ADD. He didn’t really care about that, he knew his attention span wasn’t the world greatest, but it was alright.

Some would call it a character flaw to be as tied up to his job as he was.

And there was a bunch more.

Eating like a medium sized industrial vacuum cleaner…

Maybe a bit more quick-tempered than one should be…

Right then and there, chasing a suspect, only one of those flaws he could come up with from the top of his head came back to bite him in the ass. -Or rather, the ankle.

He heard tires squeal against the hot asphalt. And quick reflexes was the only thing that saved him from being hit head on by the Mercedes-Benz star, but it wasn’t quite enough for him to avoid being hit by the car all together.

The first couple of seconds after he landed, he was in a sort of numb state where pain didn’t register yet. It was almost like a land of denial, as long as it didn’t hurt yet it couldn’t be that bad.

At the same time, he wasn’t sure if he could force himself to look towards his ankles.

The car that hit him didn’t stop, the next car didn’t either. But then again, it wasn’t even sure that the second car had seen what happened.

And then his right ankle started letting him know something was seriously wrong.

Tan came running up to him, and Luca managed to convince him to bolt after the suspect.

Next came Hondo.

SWATSWATSWAT

“Are you hurt?” Hondo asked as he kneeled down next to Luca, who was in the process of propping himself up on one elbow.

Luca blinked a few times and chanced a glance towards his legs.

“Luca, are you hurt?”

“My leg’s broken.” Luca answered with a 1000 yard stare.

“You think your leg is broken?” Hondo asked, “Which one?”

“No. My leg IS broken.” Luca swallowed.

Hondo frowned, “Which one?”

“Right one.”

“Lower leg? Upper leg?”

Luca swallowed hard, “My ankle’s toast. My lower leg in general feels wrong.”

Then random cars which had been further away, and had a better view of the whole accident started slowing down and stopping.

Hondo called in the accident, and Luca’s suspected injury. Agreeing that they needed an ambulance to come pick him up.

“Hey, I barely saw what happened…” A guy who had parked his truck came up to them, “Are you alright?”

“He likely broke his right leg.” Hondo answered for Luca, “Dispatch said the ambulance was ten minutes out.”

The guy nodded, “Anything I can do?”

Luca shook his head.

“No, nothing I can think of…” Hondo shrugged.

“We’re good here.” Luca ground out, “You can move on, no need in being parked on the side of the road and making LA traffic worse.”

The guy chuckled a bit, “Okay, alright. I wish you a speedy recovery.”

“Thanks.” Luca nodded, he was uncharacteristically pale by now.

The guy left.

Hondo looked back down at Luca, “How are you feeling?”

The blond shook his head.

“Still not a mind reader…” Hondo reminded him.

“My leg’s pounding.” Luca grimaced, “And I feel like I’m either going to pass out, or puke.”

“Well, please don’t do either…” Hondo smirked, hoping that he’d pull a short laugh from Luca. A short laugh from Luca would make it feel like everything was going to be alright.

“Man, it hurts.” Luca admitted through gritted teeth.

“I know…” Hondo nodded and placed a comforting hand on Luca’s shoulder, “Do you want me to start untying your boot? So that we can take a look at your ankle?”

Luca shook his head, “Nah. I think the ambulance people has more experience in that. Let them do it.”

Hondo nodded, “Okay, that’s alright.”

SWATSWATSWAT

After work they all went to visit Luca at the hospital.

He was basically just laying, waiting for swelling of his ankle and leg to go down enough for the surgeons to piece it back together.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Deacon asked as soon as he had stepped into the room.

“Been better.” Luca admitted, “But they give me enough painkillers to make laying here semi-comfortable…”

Deacon offered up a brief smile.

“So, what’s the damage report?” Street bumped in, nodding towards Luca’s leg, which was covered in a temporary cast and rested on a mountain of pillows.

“Definitely broke it.” Luca shook his head, “Don’t really remember the fancy explanation for it, but I broke my leg six inches above the ankle, straight across both the bones… And my ankle is in multiple pieces. No better way to put it.”

Street nodded slowly as he tried to imagine the fractures in his mind. “So you’ll be laid up for a while?”

Luca shrugged, “I don’t really know what’s going to happen. Except that I need surgery to give all that a chance to heal…”

“That sucks, man…”

Luca bobbed his head in a nod, “Sure does.”

“On the plus side, Tuana might come visit you…” Street teased.

“Tuana?” Tan asked, as Luca blushed bright red.

“Kelly’s mom…” Street answered with a shit eating grin.

“What?” Deacon’s eyebrows shot up, “Are you dating her?”

“No…” Luca shook his head, “N-”

“Not officially.” Street chuckled, “I’m really tired of the way the two of you are doing your best futile attempt at keeping it hidden.”

Luca shook his head, “Well, it’s not, -official-, yet.”

“Well, maybe you two can finally get a move on, now that you’re off duty.” Street shrugged, causing most of the other S.W.A.T members to laugh.

“Dude, stop it.”

“Never.” Street answered smugly, “Not unless you come over here and stop me.”

“You’re punching a man while he’s laying down.” Luca said as he gestured to his cast clad leg.

“Only unfair fight is the one you lose…” Tan chuckled, “Isn’t that what you said to the recruits last year?”

“Yeah. I also told them to not kill each other, because they weren’t in the streets.” Luca pointed out.

Right then there was a knock at the door, before it opened up and Kelly and her mother entered.

“Hey team!” Kelly beamed, she saw most of the team first, before she came far enough inside the room to see Luca, “Hey Luca. Mom said you got hurt.”

Her eyes went wide when she saw the cast on his leg.

“I did…” Luca nodded, “But I’m going to be alright. It’s just going to take some time.”

“Wow, hey…” Tuana nodded at the guys and Chris, “I should have known all of you’d be here…”

Hondo smirked, “Actually, we were just about to leave… But our boy here could use the company…”

Tuana blushed a bit, but recovered quickly. Then she looked over at Luca, “Hey there… How are you doing?”

Luca shrugged a little, “Gonna be a rough couple of months… But I’ll be okay.”

“You didn’t really answer my question, now did you?”

Luca chuckled, “Well, no. My leg hurts, and I have to have it elevated and completely still…”

Tuana smirked a little, “Can you actually lay, or sit, still?”

The whole team chuckled.

“She really called you out there…” Chris grinned.

“Well, my girl texted me that she would have dinner ready when I came home. So I gotta leave now.” Hondo said, looking at the other team members in a hope that they would take the hint.

“Yeah, and we have that thing at… At…” Chris rolled her hand in the air, like she was searching for the correct word.

“Oh, yeah…” Street nodded when he caught on, “Yeah, you, me and Tan are meeting Derek and his girl…”

“Exactly.” Chris nodded.

Deacon smirked, “Well, I’ve got about an hour before I have to pick up the two youngest from kindergarten… That gives me a chance to grab a coffee and sit down in peace and quiet for a spell.”

The team members who weren’t confined to a hospital bed up and left, switching between goodbye hugs and fist-bumps on their way out the door.

SWATSWATSWAT

“Well, the team acted weird…?” Tuana shrugged after the team left.

Luca chuckled, “Yeah, you should’ve heard them before you guys came.”

“Oh yeah?”

Luca nodded, then he tried to shift a little in his bed, ending up with grimacing and groaning, fighting not to let out every four letter word he could think of.

After half a minute he pulled the pillow from below his head and placed it over his own face, finally allowing himself to whisper a silent ‘fuck’ into it, before removing it and placing it back under his head.

“-Are you alright?” Tuana asked, “Do you need anything?”

Luca shook his head, letting his right hand dart up to wipe away the remnants of smeared tears.

“I’m alright.” he choked out, “I just need my leg to stop aching so much.”

“You’re acting weird…” Kelly said with worry in her eyes.

“I’m sorry Kelly-girl…” Luca sighed, “It’s just that my leg hurts really bad. And I don’t want to… I don’t want to say bad words in front of you…”

“Like, Hell? Or, Damn?” Kelly asked, “Some kids at my old school cussed really much. Some kids at my new school says some bad words every now and then… It’s not like I haven’t heard it before?”

Luca chuckled, “Well, I’m trying to be a good role model here…”

Kelly chuckled, “Alright. Okay.”

Tuana chuckled, then she looked at Kelly, “Kelly, maybe you could go down to the lobby and buy yourself some snacks? Since we didn’t go home to eat before we got here…”

Kelly’s face lit up at that, as Tuana pulled out a few dollars to give to her. “And bring me back a coke.”

Kelly nodded before she headed out the door.

SWATSWATSWAT

“So, how are you really doing?” Tuana asked after the door closed.

“I’m a little freaked out…” Luca admitted, “But I know that’s mostly just because this hurts like a motherfucker right now.”

Tuana nodded.

“Wanna hear something funny?”

“What?”

“Street kinda mentioned that we had been seeing each other a bit more recently…” Luca admitted, “To the rest of the team… That’s why they acted weird…”

She smirked, “I kinda guessed it had to be something along those lines…”

“Yeah…” Luca nodded, “He’s getting impatient…”

“Well, he’s not completely alone…” Tuana winked, then stood up and stepped over to Luca’s bed, placing a hand on top of his.

“Maybe we should… Y’know…” Luca’s tongue darted out to wet his lower lip, “Maybe we should…”

“Make it official?”

Luca nodded.

“Maybe we should…” Tuana smirked and leaned down to place a kiss on Luca’s lips.

Luca met the kiss eagerly, running a hand through her dark hair.

“You had me worried.” She said as she pulled away a little, “I heard it on the news before I got your call.”

“I’m sorry…” Luca said, rubbing a calloused hand against her upper arm, “Someone left my phone on the other side of the room, with my clothes… And I didn’t exactly know where it was…”

“Not like that…” Tuana shook her head, “You were in great pain, of course your first thought wasn’t to call your secret girlfriend. And besides, I bet the doctors and nurses kept you occupied for a while…”

Luca nodded at that.

“I meant, I know I don’t want to lose you…” she admitted, “Actually, I’ve known that ever since you helped Kelly get into her new school…”

Luca’s lips curved at one side.

“But, I also want to be able to be proud of you in public.” She winked, “Not… Not real public, but… Amongst our friends…”

“Darling, it would make me so incredibly happy to just… -To just tell my friends that I’m with this amazing woman and mother…” Luca gave her arm a squeeze, “And to be Kelly’s… Kelly’s… Step-dad?”

Tuana chuckled, then nodded.

“About that…” Luca looked down at his lap for a bit, “I never asked, ‘cause it wasn’t my place earlier…”

She nodded slowly.

“But…” he looked back up, “Is Kelly’s dad still in the picture?”

She shook her head, “No, he’s dead.”

“I’m so sorry…”

“Relax.” Tuana rolled her eyes, “He’s never been in the picture… He left as soon as he heard I was knocked up. He died before Kelly was born.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Must’ve been rough on you…”

“It has made me cautious with men…” she chuckled, “You must’ve noticed.”

Luca couldn’t help but chuckle a bit, “And here I thought I was the one playing it safe…”

“We need to talk about your definition of ‘playing it safe’…” Tuana chuckled and jerked her head in the direction of his busted leg, “You’re more of a crash-test-dummy…”

Luca blushed a bit, “I deserved that one…”

She let her hand come down at his hairline, and brushed his hair back a few times before she leaned down to kiss him once again.

They got lost in it.

Lost in it, and they didn’t even notice Kelly opening the door and returning to the room.

Not before she let her presence be known with an audible squeal.

Luca and Tuana both froze, then Tuana stood back up.

“So you two ARE together!” Kelly grinned, “I knew it!”

Luca and Tuana both still had the deer in headlights look for a few seconds more before they simultaneously broke out laughing.

“How long have you been together?” Kelly wanted to know.

Luca shrugged, “A while.”

“Since my birthday…” Tuana clarified.

“That’s…” Kelly started counting on her fingers, “That’s four months!”

Tuana nodded.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“-We wanted to know that it would work out between us first…” Tuana answered, “We were planning on telling you soon.”

Luca nodded, “I hope you’re not angry…”

“Why would I be angry?” Kelly frowned at the thought, “I’ve been wishing for this for almost a year!”

Tuana and Luca both visibly relaxed a bit more at that.

“Does the team know?”

“Not really…” Luca answered, “Street might have started to spread rumors, but they haven’t been confirmed yet. I was planning on telling them after we had told you.”

Kelly grinned.

“Well, now you know…” Tuana chuckled.

Kelly nodded. “So, are you going to move in together?”

The two grownups looked at each other for a moment, neither really knowing the answer.

“That’s something we haven’t talked about yet…” Luca said, scratching the side of his head.

Tuana nodded towards Luca, “Yeah, we should probably talk about that soon…”

“-Amongst other things…” Luca nodded back.

“Am I going to have siblings?”

Both Luca and Tuana froze once again.

“That’s also something we haven’t talked about yet…” Tuana answered.

Luca nodded.

“But is there a chance of it?” Kelly asked. Hope was audible in her voice.

Luca shrugged, “We haven’t talked about it yet. So we don’t know what to answer…”

“Can you talk to each other about that a little quick?” Kellie prompted in a voice only a girl in her pre-teens could manage, before realizing how she sounded and added “Please?”

“I think that’s something we have to talk about alone…” Luca thought out loud, and gave Tuana a questioning look.

Tuana nodded.

“If I went outside, could you talk about it now?” Kelly asked, still very excited about the idea.

The two grownups looked at each other, scanning each other’s expressions for what the other one thought.

Half a minute later Tuana nodded, “Sure.”

Kelly grinned, “I have my phone on me. Call me when you have an answer!”

Tuana nodded, and Kelly headed out the door again.

SWATSWATSWAT

“So…” Tuana started, pulling a chair over next to Luca’s bed, “Guess we have to talk…”

Luca nodded, “Yeah…”

“Do you want kids?” Tuana asked, tilting her head.

Luca trapped his lower lip in thought for a moment, then he looked over at Tuana. “Well, yeah… But as long as I get to be a father figure for Kelly, that’s enough. I mean, if you don’t want more kids…”

Tuana’s face softened, “But if I’m up for more kids?”

“Then yes. Definitely yes.” He winked.

“How many kids would you like?” Tuana followed up.

“I don’t know, never really thought about that…” Luca rubbed his neck, “Always figured I’d have to start with one anyway…”

Tuana laughed, “Think about it… Do you have a maximum limit?”

Luca thought, then chuckled, “Well, I guess it’s probably an idea to slow down if we’d have to drive two cars to go anywhere as a family.”

Tuana chuckled as well, “You’re probably right about that.”

“That being said, I can’t really come up with a number right now.” Luca shrugged, “What’s your number”`

“Well, growing up I always wanted a big family.” She answered, “But I guess two to four kids would do…”

“So, four’s your max?”

“I wouldn’t say that…” Tuana shrugged, “I guess my actual max is when I start feeling that I’m losing more grip than is okay.”

He chuckled, “That’s a nice max limit. Mind if I adopt it?”

She chuckled, “No, go ahead.”

“Then that’s my max as well, whether that means two or ten…”

“So, at least one sibling then.”

“As sure as we’re able to, yeah.” Luca nodded, “I mean, you’re obviously able to… You’ve got a real life proof of that walking around… I can’t exactly point to a definitive proof like that.”

Tuana shrugged, “Just because I have one kid, doesn’t mean it’s going to be just as easy to have a second one. Not this many years later at least.”

Luca nodded, “Well, at least we can have some fun trying.”

Tuana chuckled, “Yeah, after your leg is better.”

He nodded, “Yeah, there’s not going to be any ‘trying’ for AT LEAST a month. Maybe longer.”

She nodded, “I think you’re right about that…”

He nodded.

They both fell silent for a little while, then Luca cleared his voice, “About that other question…”

“What other question?”

“If we were going to move in together…”

Tuana nodded.

“What are we going to answer to that?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know…”

“I mean, there’s three possibilities I see.” He shrugged, and started counting them off on his fingers, “First one, I move in with you guys. Second, you guys move in with me… We might have to figure out something to do about Street then… Or the third option, we continue living in separate houses, but I sleep over at your place every now and then, and vice versa…”

Tuana nodded, “All three are valid options.”

Luca nodded.

“Just because we chose one for now, doesn’t mean that it has to stay that way…” she mentioned.

“That’s true.” he nodded.

“How about we go for option number three for now, and then we just roll with it? See what happens?”

Luca nodded.

“But of course, if you want option one or two…” she shrugged, “I mean, we could keep the other house and rent it out…”

Luca shrugged, “Whatever is fine by me. Sticking to status quo and just seeing where that leads us sounds good.”

She nodded, adding a reassuring smile.

He smiled.

“But maybe you’d like to stay with us for a little while now?” she asked, “I mean, Kelly and I are probably at home more often than Street, right?”

He nodded, then tried to shift ever so slightly. His right hand darted down towards his leg, and it took everything he had to not start sobbing. “Dammit.”

“Do you want me to go ask the doctor if you can get anything stronger?”

He shook his head, wiping at his eyes as salty tears rolled from them.

“Luca, you’re in pain…”

Once he was able to speak again, he looked at her, “Well, I can’t really have opioids.”

She tilted her head, “Have you had a problem in the past?”

He shook his head, knowing what she was thinking. “Not like that… I just have a really low tolerance for that stuff, it often makes me sick… And I don’t want to add ‘nausea’ or ‘throwing up’ to my list of troubles right now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry… I thought… That was dumb of me…”

“Don’t think about it… It was a bad choice of words on my part.” he chuckled.

“So, do you want to stay with us for a while when you’re discharged from this place?”

He nodded, “Could I borrow the guestroom? I’m pretty sure it’ll probably hurt too much to accidentally get bumped into… -And you move around a lot when you sleep…”

“Of course…” she nodded, then she glanced up at the clock hanging on the wall, “Maybe we should call Kelly now?”

He nodded, “We probably should, but I’d like to sneak a kiss from you first…”

She smiled, stood up and stepped over to make that happen.

SWATSWATSWAT

“Now? What did you decide?” Kelly asked, almost bouncing where she stood.

“What do you want to know the answer to first?” Tuana asked.

“Everything.” Kelly grinned, “But I guess it makes sense to start with if we’re all going to live together first.”

“We decided that we don’t know the final answer yet.” Luca shrugged, “But I’m going to stay with you guys for a while now that my leg is injured.”

Tuana nodded, “After that we’ll have to wait and see. We might decide to live like Theo’s parents. They don’t live together all of the time, but it seems like all three of them like the arrangement.”

Kelly nodded, “Theo’s parents fight less than most of the other parents, so that’s cool!”

Luca really liked Kelly’s way of reasoning.

“And babies?” she then quickly switched over to the next question on her list, “Am I going to be a big sister?”

Luca and Tuana laughed.

“Well…” Tuana started, “If everything works out well, then you are going to be one.”

Kelly’s grin grew wide, “Really?”

“Yeah.” Tuana nodded, “But we can’t make any promises before you actually have a brother or sister, you know that? Sometimes it can be really hard to get pregnant.”

Kelly nodded, her head going up and down at a comical speed. “But you want kids together?”

They both nodded.

“But if it doesn’t work out for us, you are enough.” Luca pointed out, “Remember that.”

Kelly smiled, “Thanks.”

[autisticmob]

HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference?? 

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with. 

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.” 

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway. 

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!! 

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that! 

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week. 

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications. 

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind. 

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day. 

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE. 

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine. 

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

[bbrandy2002]

Two Men and a Baby Pt 9B-The Ending.

The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir

Part 9a was posted earlier this morning if you haven't read it yet.

Thank you everyone who took the time to read this. Your comments have been wonderful to read and kept me going when I got a case of writers block. I have other stories I plan to write so I hope you'll stick around for a while.

I am posting fun facts at the end of this story, if you'd like to read those too. - Brandy

@gardeningourmet @emceesynonymroll @dcbbw @sirbeepsalot @crookedslimecreatorpasta @moonlightgem7 @katedrakeohd @romanticatheart-posts @carabeth

The Real Last Final One 9B

Liam just finished his account of the predicament he found himself in earlier. Riley felt badly for her husband and the anger she felt over his "zip it" comment seemed a little more justified.

Drake stood from his chair and apologized for what he had done. He, too, had had a rough day, however, no one deserved to be clawed in the face, hauled off to a psych ward, beaten and nearly strip searched, especially the King.

"I know what will make you feel better, My King." Riley whispered.

"I can't imagine what." Liam pouted.

"Well....we are in a hospital, I don't think we've ever done it in one before." Riley looked at him like she wanted to devour him right there.

Liam raised an eyebrow, "I do like doing it in public places."

Riley grabbed his hand and led him off in search of an empty room.

"Watch your zipper Liam" Maxwell yelled.

Olivia huffed "Well, there goes my ride. Hey Walker, why don't you give me a lift back to the palace."

Drake didn't want to, the last thing he wanted was to end his night with Olivia, but, perhaps she'd be too tired to annoy him for the hour drive back.

2 hours later....

Bertrand had to have surgery to free him of the zipper. After a healthy dose of drugs and a little reconstructive surgery, he and his dick should make a full recovery. He will need to wear a diaper for a while, but, that's a small price to pay for ones manhood.

Savannah finally reunited with her son. She knew the whole time that Bartie could drink from a bottle, but, she had a secret breast fetish and seeing Bertrand with it on, drove her wild.

The boar was finally caught. It caused significant damage to the Beaumont Estate, but, in reality, it was nothing they hadn't seen following a Beaumont Bash. It was placed in the Valtoria menagerie, due to Zeke being unable to take him back.

Zeke and Penelope were arrested that night for operating an illegal animal ring. Truth is, Zeke was raking in profits off the illegal purchasing and trading of several wild animals. Penelope was the ringleader. She had made off like a bandit having acquired 100's of boxes of dog treats for her poodles.

Liam and Riley found an empty room and did what Liam and Riley always do when they're alone. When they finally finished, Riley noticed a white flash as she was dressing, but, it was probably nothing.

Maxwell and Drake finally sat down together and pondered their day. They were two men, who certainly had one hellish day, but, they both were able to stand tall knowing they made it through...well, Maxwell had the crutches.

Maxwell was not charged for his part in the disaster. Being a Beaumont has its perks, but, when you're able to forge letters from the King pardoning you, it's even better. He would hitch a ride home in a news van and sleep outside with his peacocks that night.

Liam was cornered in the hospital by the press as he tried to leave. He had to explain why hospital security caught him running out of a vandalized bathroom full of shit, that was now playing on loop from every news station. He also had to explain why he delivered a baby, was beaten, placed in a mental health ward and beaten again. Riley, however, announced she would throw a Royal Ball and go on a Royal Tour, in hopes of answering their questions and calming the masses. Liam, also decided to start wearing condoms again; he wasn't sure he could handle another delivery right now.

"You ready Liv", Drake shook a sleeping Olivia from her chair in the waiting room.

She gathered her things and followed Drake out to the parking lot. The ride to the Palace was fairly quiet, both too exhausted to say anything.

They walked up the grand stair case and Drake couldn't help but notice her ass swaying in her skirt. She annoyed the hell out of him, always had, but, damn if she wasn't sexy.

Once they reached the top, she looked at him like she hadn't before.

"Well Walker, for what it's worth, this day had been something I never expected. I've laughed more today that I have in a long time and its all thanks to you and Maxwell."

Drake slightly huffed," glad we could entertain you Duchess."

"Well, I'm going to bed, I can't keep my eyes open any longer", she smiled at him, winked and made her way to her guest room.

"Night Liv", he would say as he watched her walk away.

Drake went to Liam's study; he was tired, but, hadn't had a stiff drink all day. He sat on the couch, slumped down and drank his long awaited whiskey. One glass after another, until he started to feel much more relaxed and comfortable.

He stood up from the couch and that's when she walked in.

"I thought I heard someone in here" she said.

She walked over to the bar cart and poured her own drink.

She was beautiful in her white, silky robe that accentuated her breasts.

"Didn't mean to disturb you your highness."

"Drake, you can never disturb me" she said while taking a drink and lifting her bare leg to rest on the coffee table.

"Mrs.Rys, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Would that be so bad?" she asked while undoing her robe.

Drake pulled at his collar and licked his lips. He looked at Liam's desk and nodded. She smiled at him and stood in front of the desk. He told her to bend over and he couldn't help but stare at her round ass. He felt kind of guilty about what he was getting ready to do, but, alcohol and his throbbing dick took over. "What the hell" he whispered and went for it.

The next morning

He looked at her and uttered, "I'm sorry".

She replied with a soft smile, "I'm not".

Drake closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "but, what about Liam?"

"Drake, my husband never took the time to touch me like you did last night; trust me, I'm not worried about Liam finding out."

"Yeah, last night sure was crazy."

After doing it twice on Liam's desk, they moved back to his room for the night. She got up and put her clothes on. After she left, Drake picked up his phone to text Maxwell.

....Beaumont, you were right! She does have an apple pie tattoo on her ass.

Fun facts.....

1. This was never supposed to be more than one chapter. I had the idea, thought it would be cute to write a drabble of Bertrand breastfeeding with that fathers breastfeeder seen on Meet the Fockers.

2. After writing chapter 1, I wanted to explore the cliff hanger at the end....would Drake wear the breastfeeder. I had to go ahead and do another to ensure he did.

3.it wasn't until part 4 when my little story started to get noticed by others. I never expected anyone else to read it. I personally thought it was too bizaar, but, continued out of pure enjoyment. You all made it worth it and I loved every minute of writing this.

4. Chapter 7 was my personal favorite. I have to thank @emceesynonymroll for inspiring Maxwell's dialogue. It also was the quickest chapter I wrote.

5. I adore Drake and his character in TRR/TRH, but, as a Liam stan, I could never bring myself to have Riley in his bed at the end. However, I'm not opposed to exploring that for a future post.

6. I wanted to continue this series, but, there is only so much you can write about in a one day timeline. Also, I think everyone suffered enough in the story. I decided it was time to call it quits.

7. There will be new adventures ahead for the gang....I have big plans for them 😂

8.If you have any requests or suggestions, let me know. I'm interested in new ideas. I'm also not opposed to constructive criticism; message me and let me know where I can improve.

As always, thanks for reading!

[kaen-ace-of-diamonds]

In Nitrous Veritas

Words: 5700+ (oneshot)

Genre: Fluff/Romance

Pairing: Hakuei/Paimon, background Judal/Hakuryuu

Characters: Ren Hakuei, Paimon, Ren Hakuryuu, Judal (technically), Ren Gyokuen

Summary: When her girlfriend has to be put under anesthesia for the first time, Paimon is a nervous wreck thinking of what might go wrong. She doesn't stop to consider that everything could go perfectly right, in more ways than expected.

...Or, the one where having her wisdom teeth removed unlocks Hakuei's full gay potential.

(Takes place in @mayelamker‘s and my RA Family AU!)

~0~

Paimon still looked very suspicious at her lack of concern.

“Hakuei, they are going to yank your bones out with pliers.”

Hakuei resisted the urge to sigh in annoyance. Again. 

“It’s fine, Paimon. I’m just getting my wisdom teeth out. It happens to everyone, no need to worry. And no need to press so hard on the gas, either.”

“Yeah, the turn’s coming up right there,” added Hakuryuu from the backseat. “And they don’t use pliers, they use...regular stuff.”

Paimon grumbled unintelligibly as she pulled into the office parking lot, but didn’t say anything else until after they had filed into the oral surgeon’s waiting room, checked in, and sat down. She fidgeted in the rough cushioned chair, one Ren sibling on either side of her, and after a few minutes opened her mouth to say something else. 

Accustomed to this after weeks of her poor girlfriend’s fretting, Hakuei laid a hand on top of hers and murmured before she could respond, “I’ll be fine, hon. Don’t worry.”

“...I’ll worry anyway. Routine or not, anything could go wrong, you’ve never been under anesthetic before!” Her lips twitched as if she wanted to chew at one, but she resisted the impulse. “It could be like that movie — you know the one where they cut Anakin Skywalker’s heart out? Or that one X-Files episode — ”

“Hakuei Ren?” the nurse said from the doorway, and Paimon jumped as if she had shouted it. Hakuei gave her a quick peck on the cheek and squeezed her hand, before letting it go and standing up. 

Hakuryuu, earbuds firmly in, lifted his head from his notebook to nod to his sister as she crossed the spacious waiting room. “Good luck.” 

Hakuei gave the two a reassuring smile as the nurse led her into the hall and closed the door behind them. The last thing she saw before it shut was Paimon, swallowing a whimper as she watched her go, and she felt a small pang of guilt in her chest. Maybe she shouldn’t have tried to brush off all Paimon’s fears so easily...But it would be fine. When she got out of surgery, she’d make up for it somehow.

~0~

For the next forty-five minutes, the waiting room was in a sluggish state. Patients passed through, but Paimon barely saw or heard any of them. The rapid, muffled tapping of her heeled boot against the carpeted floor as her leg bounced nervously was unceasing. She had tried to distract herself with her phone, but an email notification from her own doctor’s office made her jump, and she’d shoved it back in her pocket where it stayed. That was the last thing she needed right now.

Having drifted out of awareness of her surroundings so, it took a few calls of her name before she recognized the word and looked up.

“Hey.” Hakuryuu held a Hershey bar in one hand and a Snickers in the other, and was offering the latter out to her. One earbud was still in, the other hanging loose over the front of his sweater, and she could hear the faint strains of violins streaming from it. “You hungry? Because you’re not acting like you.”

Paimon rolled her eyes as she accepted the candy. “Great. Hakuryuu’s a comedian and Hakuei’s ignoring me now.”

Hakuryuu snorted as he sat back down and returned to his science notes. “Don’t be dramatic.”

“You are the last person I want to hear that from,” Paimon declared with an aggressive bite of her Snickers. 

Hakuryuu gave her a ‘that’s fair’ tilt of his head, but pressed on anyway. “She knows you love her, and that’s why you worry. She knows.”

“Hmph. Never thought I’d see me more worried about her than you.”

“I’ve had mine out already, and I can rest in the assurance that it can’t possibly be as bad as my operation was,” Hakuryuu reminded her, grimacing. “I’ve always had issues with anesthesia, and they were all in there so damn deep. It hurt so much that even my mother didn’t have a joke to make about it.”

Paimon, who had repeatedly borne witness to Ren Gyokuen’s great love for making fun of her sons, immediately understood the significance of this. 

“And I’m trying to be less panicky in general, anyway. Hakuyuu says it isn’t good for my blood pressure,” he continued, with the haughty tone and slight upswing of the head he always took when repeating the words of his older siblings. It never failed to sound as if he were quoting a sacred text, and it never failed to make Paimon stifle a laugh. Now was no exception.

“...What?” Hakuryuu’s brows furrowed in confusion and mild offense. “Something funny?”

“No, no, nothing, I was just, uh...thinking maybe I shouldn’t have brought up Anakin Skywalker to prove my point?” she offered.

“Oh. Well, you should still do what Yuu said, too. It will probably help.”

“Fine, fine,” she said, trying not to smile. “Fine, then. I’ll try to relax. Get my blood pressure down.”

“You promise?”

“Hell no,” said Paimon immediately, taking another nibble of her chocolate and knowing better than to make a promise she couldn’t keep. 

And it was well that she did. Not two minutes later, a nurse opened the door again to inform them, “Miss Ren is in the recovery room, if you’ll come with me?”, and Paimon inhaled the remainder of the Snickers bar as she leapt to her feet, eyes going wide.

Hakuryuu rose more slowly, and asked the nurse as they proceeded down the hall, “How did she do?”

“Oh, just fine. She’ll be pretty loopy for the next few hours, and she’ll need you, Miss Naifeh, to look after her closely until the effects of the gas wear off.”

Paimon nodded vigorously, heels clacking on the tile floor. “I can do that.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s all she wants to do,” Hakuryuu added, slipping his earbuds case into his pocket with one hand and patting Paimon’s shoulder with the other. Not as nice as Hakuei shoulder pats, she decided, but it would do. “Walk, don’t run, okay?”

Paimon nodded again, but that did not stop her from jumping when the nurse opened the door to a side room and she could see Hakuei, looking considerably less together than she had when they had arrived. She was lying like a wet leaf against the large padded doctor’s chair, the room’s only real feature, with vacant eyes and a mouthful of red-stained gauze. She had known that this was how she was going to find her, but she still had to quickly bite her lip to keep from yelping.

The nurse stayed with them as they stepped inside, and with all three of them in there, it was something of a tight squeeze. Paimon heard her talking, Hakuryuu responding and shuffling around with something, but she barely registered any of it.

“Hakuei?” she said, stepping up to the chair. “Sweetie? Can you hear me?”

Hakuei twitched at the sound of her voice, and her head roved slowly around to its source. Her pupils were so huge that Paimon could barely see the rim of blue around them.

“Ohh...” she breathed, somehow both clear and dazed. “Oh, you’re so pretty.” 

She said it with such awe that Hakuryuu snorted behind his hand and Paimon felt her face heat right up.

“Uh...Yeah,” she responded intelligently. “You are, too.”

Hakuei nodded slowly, as if this was a brilliant point. “Who are you?”

“H-Huh?!” Paimon startled. “Me? You know who I am!”

“No need to be alarmed, miss,” the nurse said, while Hakuei gave her a supremely puzzled look. “She got quite a heavy dose of nitrous oxide, so I told you she’ll be out of it for a while. But it’s not at all permanent.”

“Oh...” Paimon shifted her feet nervously. “So what do I — ”

Hakuryuu rolled his eyes. “Just talk to her. You — ”

“You’re beautiful,” Hakuei cut in loudly, as if she couldn’t hear or see anyone but Paimon. “Who are you?”

Paimon found a smile on her face in spite of herself. “I’m Paimon,” she reminded her, loud and clear. “I’m your girlfriend.”

Paimon hadn’t thought it possible for Hakuei’s eyes to go any wider, but go wider they did, as her mouth shaped into a perfect O of shock. The nurse promptly reached over to nudge the gauze back into place, but Hakuei didn’t seem to notice.

“My? You’re my girlfriend?!” 

“Yeah,” Paimon blurted again. Hakuei was a naturally affectionate person, but Paimon was still wholly unused to being gazed upon like she was a divine being. “Yeah, I am!”

“Ohhh.” Her hand twitched over towards Paimon’s on the arm of the chair, and Paimon took it and held it delicately in hers. “Oh, that’s amazing. That’s just amazing!”

Paimon giggled, surprising herself, and it was easy to slip back into a familiar teasing, loving tone. “Nooo, you are.”

“No, you, you’re...!” Hakuei shook her head so hard in defense of her point that she swayed dizzily for a moment, her face turning slightly ashen. “Oh, whoa, don’t like that...” 

Paimon took her shoulders in her hands to still her. “Hey, it’s okay. Just relax, I’ve got you.”

“Wow, you’re an angel...!”

“This angel’s here to take you home, come on...”

“Home?” Hakuei staggered a little, as she was helped up out of the chair. “We have a home?”

“Yeah. You put all those ceramic vases and flowers and weird pattern wall blankets everywhere. You think it gives the place character.”

“Does it?” Hakuei asked, eyes big and bright as the blue galaxy painting in their bedroom.

Truthfully, Paimon could take it or leave it, on its own. Her eye was for fashion and body art, not interior design. But all the stuff kept Hakuei in their home even when the woman herself was gone, and the calm that brought Paimon surpassed beauty.

“It’s the best place in the whole world.”

Hakuei made a soft, comforted chirruping noise at the back of her throat. Her legs were gelatinously shaky and her arms hung in the air in front of her like a T-Rex’s, as Paimon guided her back down the short hallway back into the waiting room. She seemed more interested in trying her best to fall against Paimon’s side than she was in walking.

“Oh...Oh, you are just a wonder, you are...” Hakuei was nuzzling at her neck and collarbone, while Paimon and Hakuryuu waited at the checkout desk listening to the receptionist’s short spiel about post-surgery care. Despite the newly limited ability to move her mouth and speak coherently, she was determined to keep talking. “Did I tell you about that before? I should.”

“Yeah, of course you have,” Paimon assured her, knowing damn well that that was not on Hakuei’s extensive list of sweet words, while trying to keep up with the receptionist. “Yeah, we got the painkiller prescription — she can eat that soon? Then yeah, I can start her on liquids when we get home, so — ”

“I’m glad. I should,” Hakuei said again, sounding fascinated by the very concept and still blissfully ignorant of all that was not Paimon. “I can’t tell you anything through all these...fluffy peanuts in my head...”

Then, if Paimon had been paying attention, she would have noticed the expression that suddenly struck Hakuei’s face: that of one who has just been visited with a life-changing epiphany. And she would have seen it coming when Hakuei’s head shot upward to kiss her far harder than was probably intended, right on the jawline.

“Oof!” Paimon stumbled for a moment, her arm reflexively tightening around Hakuei’s waist. Hakuryuu and the receptionist both glanced up in concern, but quickly shifted to trying not to laugh at Paimon’s predicament. “Take it easy on me, honey.”

Hakuei gave her some truly devastating puppy dog eyes in response. 

“You mean I can’t kiss you through these fucking peanuts either?!” she cried, and Hakuryuu went red and burst into laughter.

“Shh, yeah, those have got to stay in, babe. I’ll take care of all the kisses for now, too, okay?” Paimon said through her own fit of giggles, planting one on Hakuei’s cheek to prove it.

Hakuei whimpered. “Didn’t even feel that...”

“All set,” Hakuryuu managed, while he fiddled with the phone in his slacks pocket some more. “Come on, let’s get going.”

“Feel better soon, Miss Ren!” chirped the receptionist, waving with a set of long cyan nails, and Hakuei spun around so fast Paimon was momentarily afraid she’d fall right out of her grasp. 

“This is my wife!” she shouted, and it damn near echoed off the waiting room walls. The elderly lady in the corner said nothing, but did grin into her knitting magazine. Hakuei, on the other hand, kept at it: “This is my wife Paimon! She’s the best ever!” 

From Hakuryuu’s gleeful snickering as he one-handedly held the door open for them, Paimon could only assume that the look of shock on her face was truly priceless. “N-No, honey, remember? I’m your girlfriend.” 

Hakuei just grinned, entirely unfazed, and Paimon had to stick the gauze back into position in her mouth yet again. “Oh? Then I’ve still got to make you my wife, huh?”

“Huh?!” Oh, Paimon had to put every bit of focus into not tripping straight over the curb on that one. 

“Yeahhhh...” In all the years they’d known each other, Paimon had never seen such a smug smile on Hakuei’s face. She was partially remembering how to work her arms, and using them to cling to Paimon’s waist in a vice-grip of a hug, which would have been nice if it didn’t mean they were in danger of falling all over each other as Hakuryuu brought her car over to the edge of the sidewalk. “Paimon, I wanna marry you!”

Paimon was very grateful that she didn’t blush, because she felt her cheeks burning something fierce. “Not saying I don’t agree with you, hon, but — ”

“You don’t want to?”

“No, I’d love to, honey, I just...” Paimon sighed, as she dislodged her girlfriend from her waist and bundled her into the passenger seat of the car. “Let’s just save that question for when you’re sober, okay?”

Hakuei glared up at her as sharply as she could, edges dulled as they were by copious amounts of drugs. “I’m not drunk!”

“No, you’re not, my mistake,” Paimon laughed. “Just wait until we get home, then, okay?”

While she got in, took the wheel, and started to drive them out of the medical park, Hakuei busied herself pawing at her empty jeans pocket. “Where’s my phone? I’ll get us home...”

Hakuei’s phone was, as per her sober request that morning, lying safely on their nightstand at home, where it could not be used to send any potentially embarrassing messages. “I know the way, hon, don’t worry.”

“Would you drop me off at the mall first, though?” asked Hakuryuu from his new seat in the back. “I promised Judal I’d meet him there.”

While Paimon agreed, mentally calculating their new route, Hakuei’s head jerked backward, looking shocked to realize that there was someone else with them. “Oh! I’ve met you!”

Hakuryuu grinned. In the rearview mirror, Paimon noticed him holding his phone upright. “Yeah, you do know me. Who am I?”

Hakuei’s face screwed up in concentration. “You’re...we have the same name.”

“Not quite. What’s my name?”

“Uhh...Haku...yuu?”

“Nooot quite,” Hakuryuu snickered. “You missed a letter.”

“No, I didn’t! I have a brother Hakuyuu!” Hakuei froze, and then let out a dramatic gasp. “Oh my god, I have brothers!”

Hakuryuu’s raucous laughter filled the car, and Paimon was struck with another giggling fit. “Yes, you do, babe,” she said, grinning as she turned onto the expressway exit. “You’re getting your memory back fast.”

“I lost those?!”

“Don’t worry about it.”

~0~

After dropping Hakuryuu off at the mall food court, where he was excitedly ushered over by Judal (waving with both arms to make up for his huge mouthful of cheesy pretzel nuggets), Paimon got back on the expressway towards their apartment complex. Hakuei’s father, bless him, had offered to at least assist in paying their rent. But it wasn’t an exorbitant luxury place like the Ren family home, and between both of their jobs, they managed expenses well enough on their own. Hakuei had always been a little embarrassed about being born a rich girl, and Paimon would have felt weird too, asking for handouts from her future father-in-law. 

In-law...

Paimon glanced over at Hakuei, now quietly whimpering to herself in the passenger seat as she tentatively poked at her own sore jaw. They had talked about their love before, of course, how could they not? They were both fairly free with affection in their own ways. But they’d never really talked about marriage, and she was wondering now if that had been a mistake, just drifting along like that after all these years. Hakuei hadn’t gotten drunk enough to spill her guts like that since college, and laughing gas wasn’t exactly like alcohol. Still, in vino veritas: maybe Hakuei had had more on her mind lately than Paimon had realized. More than she was willing to let on...

When they parked in front of their building and left the car, the gas had worn off not completely, but just enough to make Hakuei aware that there were now four bleeding wounds in the back of her mouth. “Ungh...Paimon...”

“Shh, it’s okay, honey. You’re walking great, just stick close to me...”

The stairs to the third floor were slightly perilous (the ascent made poor Hakuei dizzy again), but with some more clinging and low moaning they made it through the door. Their bedroom was at the back of the place. With one quick stop to the freezer for ice packs, Paimon guided Hakuei there and laid her gently down on the neatly made covers, the throne of pillows she’d put together that morning to keep her head elevated. She tucked a soft throw blanket over her, and leaned down to lay a kiss on her temple.

“There. You okay, sweetheart?”

Hakuei’s eyes were still dark and hazy, pupils dilated with the residual high. But as Paimon continued to tend to her — removing the blood-soaked gauze and replacing it with clean folds, wrapping a neck pillow around her head to hold the ice packs against her jaw — they glittered with starry affection while she tried to smile up at her. 

“‘Mmm fine...You’re fine...You’re...”

Paimon ran gentle fingers through Hakuei’s loose hair, warmth swelling in her chest. “You’re the most beautiful woman in the world, you know that?”

“Aww, you’re just saying that!”

“Oh, no, I mean it. You just rest now, okay? I’ll be checking on you to change your gauze and ice, so don’t feel like you have to wake up for it, okay?”

“Soon?” Hakuei murmured, body limp and eyes drooping shut as Paimon got up and turned the light down. 

“Yeah. I’ll be back soon.”

She couldn’t sleep off the pain, sadly; they had been informed that Hakuei was in for about a week of recovery time. But she could sleep off the hold of the gas, and while she did, Paimon made herself busy. 

She left the bedroom door halfway open so she could keep a watchful eye on her sleeping beauty, as she set about doing the morning chores that she had been too fretful to do in the actual morning. She dusted and Magic Eraser-ed, did the dishes, mopped the kitchen and bathroom tile. Somewhat unnecessarily, too, she arranged the food in their fridge (none of which was anywhere near old or spoilt enough to toss) and triple checked to make sure that she had all the ingredients necessary to fix up some soft meals, ice cream, and smoothies to soothe her girlfriend’s ailing mouth, when she felt able to try and eat. She had enough to snack on herself, as well.

So when there was nothing more to occupy her brain, Paimon sat on the freshly dried kitchen counter to work through a small bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream, liberally drizzled with chocolate sauce, and finally let herself dwell on the thoughts she had been trying to avoid. 

She and Hakuei had lived together for years, and been together even longer. They had settled into a comfortable routine, and life wasn’t exactly a lazy river (that was impossible, between both their families), but it was great. Content and loving. Paimon had never felt anything more right in her whole life than coming home to Hakuei’s open arms. Of course she intended to stay by her beloved’s side for as long as she was welcome there; she no longer cared to imagine her path going any other way. So why did the thought of making their bond official — making it legal — send such a ripple through her body?

The first theory she hit upon was that she was just taken by surprise and blowing it all out of proportion. Again. Life, especially their life, was no cheap whirlwind romance, no trashy drama. Even in their families, that was a reach. Exactly what kind of disaster was she expecting the words “Hakuei, will you marry me?” to bring? 

Barring storm, fire, terrorist attack, runaway semi truck — no, no, no, she was already starting to feel her pulse pounding, she had to stay realistic here. The worst thing that could conceivably happen at their wedding was Hakuei’s mother getting wine drunk at the reception, either sobbing all over her only daughter or starting a fistfight with her twin and having to be dragged out by her sons, and to be wholly honest the former was likelier than the latter. 

And if she was being wholly honest, they were good at this stuff, if having a healthy relationship could be considered a skill. Sharing responsibilities, working out disagreements, supporting one another, simply finding happiness in each other...They had it pretty well down, in her opinion, as well as any two people could do. Their feelings for each other weren’t set to change anytime soon, no matter what they did with their lives.

Thoughts of death and disaster she would banish from her mind one way or another. Her future brothers-in-law were right: it would do nothing but raise her blood pressure, and she refused to ruin this relationship with a premature heart attack of all things. It was change, that was all. A big one, but a natural one. Looking at it as rationally as she could, perhaps it wasn’t quite as big a hurdle to clear as she had feared it might be. Perhaps it was no such thing at all.

A small noise from back in the bedroom drew Paimon’s attention, and she set the half-finished bowl on the counter to go and attend to her beloved.

Hakuei was still lying out on the bedcovers, awkwardly holding her head and tensed in every muscle. The pain must be starting to make itself known, Paimon realized. 

She stepped softly up to the bedside, taking a moment to remove the gauze before reaching down to lay a gentle hand on Hakuei’s shoulder. “Hey. How’re you feeling, hon?”

Hakuei murmured incoherently for a moment, before opening her eyes a fraction and trying yet again to smile up at Paimon. It was a shaky attempt, but passable. “Sober.”

Paimon laughed. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. Hurts — my mouth and head hurt a lot — but the cold is nice. Really nice,” she explained drowsily. 

“We’re going to be replacing those every twenty minutes, okay? And you just tell me when you feel up to me fixing that bowl of ice cream you ordered this morning. You need to take your medicine with food.”

“Okay...”

“Attagirl. You mind if I come down there and hang out with you?” When Hakuei gave her a short and careful nod, still wincing when her swollen jaw did not agree with the movement, Paimon settled down on the covers next to her and reached her arms questioningly out. “In the mood for a cuddle, or are you gonna puke on me if I touch you?”

Before she was even finished talking, Hakuei was already snuggling up to her as closely as her ice-wrapped face would permit. “I would never. Am I too cold?”

“Not at all. Don’t you know you’re always warm?”

Hakuei hummed contentedly at that, and they laid in silence for a long while. Paimon was just starting to feel her eyes droop and her body turn numb and heavy, when Hakuei’s voice woke her back up again.

“Paimon?”

“Mm? Yeah?”

“Thank you. For taking care of me today. I...think I was trying to say that before, when you were bringing me home, but it didn’t come out quite right.”

“Oh, honey, no need to thank me for that. I’ll always take care of my girl.”

“But that’s just the point. All you’ve been doing is being worried about me, and I was just brushing you off like you were annoying me...” Hakuei nestled closer up to her, eyes turned guiltily down. “You weren’t, I was just — ”

“Shhh.” Paimon ran a hand over her hair, from head to ends. “It’s okay. In hindsight, I’m sure I was laying it on a little thick.”

“You care about me. You want me to be safe. I shouldn’t treat that like...like...”

Paimon kissed the top of her head. “Hey. You’re going to have to get used to telling me when I’m being too much of a worrywart, if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with me.”

She had spoken without thinking, and a much more pregnant silence fell on top of them.

“...Yeah. You’re right.”

“Hakuei...Do you remember what you told me? When you were, uh...high?”

Hakuei snorted. “I remember thinking you’d descended out of heavenly light just for me. Did I say that out loud?”

“Well, you did call me an angel, so technically yeah. But...the other stuff. About wanting to marry me.”

“...I said that?”

“Yeah. Really loudly, too, actually. The waiting room was quite amused.”

Hakuei made a breathy noise that was trying to be a nervous laugh. “Do you ever think about it? I’ve...been thinking about it a lot. What it would be like to call you my wife.”

The words, soft and sweet from her love’s voice, felt like fingers playing lightly down her neck and spine. They stopped her breath for a moment, sent a frisson of shock over every inch of her skin.

“I like that,” she said faintly, her tongue feeling as if she’d just run ice water over it. “I love you.”

She never wanted Hakuei’s arms to loosen their grip from around her waist. “I love you too. No matter what we do, I love you. So...let’s sleep on it for a while? Then talk when we’re both wide awake. And my mouth’s not numb.”

Paimon wrapped her arms more snugly around her, one around Hakuei’s shoulders and the other around her hip. She ran her fingers over Hakuei’s hand, imagining what it would be like to feel a warm ring on that left hand. Her ring. 

“Sleep on it. Yeah. We’ve got all the time in the world.”

“...At least until my ice melts and gauze soaks through.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll set an alarm for those...”

 ~0~

“Did you thank your Aunt Sheba for driving you two back home?”

“Yes, Mother. Every time.”

“Good boy.” Gyokuen did not turn from her vanity mirror even while addressing her son, briskly running a comb through her loose hair. “And more importantly, did you get that other little task for today done? All of it?”

Hakuryuu smirked, leaning back against the doorway of the master bedroom. He took his phone out of his pocket and waved it triumphantly. “Oh, absolutely. Recorded every last second of it. It definitely beats Yuu and Ren’s wisdom teeth videos, that’s for sure.”

Gyokuen grinned. “Good boy. Her surgery was just wonderful timing; this year was so dry in decent content for the New Year’s video reel.” 

“You still might want to save it, though. I’ll take a boring family party show over passing up the chance to show Hakuei’s original proposal for the first time at the wedding reception.”

Gyokuen laughed. “Yes, of course! She really did that?”

“Oh, she did, just like I told you. Paimon may or may not have noticed that I was taking a video, but Hakuei and the nurses sure didn’t.” Hakuryuu’s smirk broadened. “They had a No Recording sign up in the recovery room. I was breaking the law for you, Mother.”

“Yes, well, you know how much I appreciate a flawless crime,” Gyokuen agreed with a snicker, as she set the comb down and reached for her hairpins. “It really is about time one of you went ahead and gave me a wedding to plan. Hakuyuu isn’t an option, but what’s holding you and Hakuren back?”

Hakuryuu rolled his eyes. “Because Ren is still playing will-they-won’t-they with his roommates, and Judal has made clear his intentions to propose to me with a Ring Pop and I know that if he tries that you’ll kill him.”

“Indeed I will, his father be damned. My boys deserve finer.”

“And I don’t recall either Hakuei or Paimon saying they’d let you be in charge of any part of it.”

“Ridiculous. I am the mother of the bride, of course I’ll be involved.”

“You know,” Hakuryuu said slyly, “Hakuei might have mentioned something about wanting Aunt Arba to run the show instead.”

Gyokuen’s head snapped around so fast that Hakuryuu swore he heard a crack in her neck. Her glare was made twice as unsettling by one eye bare and the other turned sharp by mascara and liquid eyeliner. “Don’t joke with me, boy. I will kill her if she does anything to ruin this.”

Privately, Hakuryuu was fairly sure that for once, Arba was not the more threatening Abraham twin here. “Mother, do not kill Aunt Arba at Hakuei and Paimon’s wedding.”

“Of course I won’t,” Gyokuen scoffed, returning to her makeup. “Not without reason, at least. We will all ensure that my darling’s wedding is perfect. She’s not likely to have another one, after all.”

“...You’re aware that she hasn’t technically proposed yet, right?”

“Well. All the more time to plan, then. Now, you head off, but text your father too: we’ve had this dinner in the books for weeks and he had better be on his way home to pick me up for it.”

“Yes, Mother,” said Hakuryuu, detaching his back from the doorway and starting to make his way to his bedroom. 

“And call your sister!” Gyokuen called after him. “Make sure she’s feeling all right.”

“Yes, Mother,” he called right back, from the stairway at the end of the hall. 

On the short walk, in which he sent the instructed text to his father and was satisfied to receive a “Driving — Do Not Disturb” automated message, Hakuryuu considered whether or not he ought to be making that call tonight. It was before the hours when such a thing would be considered rude. But then again...

He sat down at his nearly arranged desk and woke his phone with a soft click. The lock screen behind the open keypad had been the same for months on end: Judal with a delighted grin on his face and his long arms thrown around Hakuryuu, the two of them pressed cheek to cheek. The barely visible background was simple blue sky and trees; the second Judal noticed Hakuryuu’s camera open, even a simple walk in the park could and would turn into a combination cuddle-fest and photo shoot. 

Judal would hold him tight, never seeming to get close enough to fully satisfy him, and pepper his face with kisses. Hakuryuu, for his part, could never seem to stop smiling. Nor could he quite put a finger on the feeling that washed over him at times like this, but words like security and love came to mind. Whatever it was, he was quite certain that his sister was feeling it too right now, miles away and safe in Paimon’s arms, and he would not intrude on that for the world. Once, he hadn’t thought that he would be able to trust his only sister to anybody. Now, he knew he would be perfectly happy to see her given away to Paimon.

Tomorrow, then, he decided, setting his phone face down on his desk and beginning to dress down for an evening of reading. His disturbance of their peace could certainly wait until tomorrow morning. 

~0~

The next day, Paimon had an afternoon shift and Hakuei had, of course, taken off. So the pair of them only blinked awake in the late morning, both roused by the soft buzzing of their nearby phones.

Paimon worked her dry-tasting mouth for a moment, as Hakuei retrieved her phone from her pocket. “Ugh, God, we slept in our clothes...”

“So we did, but it’s not going to kill us.” Hakuei squinted at the bright screen, winced at the soreness still in her mouth, but half-smiled at the message she saw there. “Oh...Good morning to you too, Hakuryuu.”

Paimon smiled as she unlocked her own phone, following a second notification about the update on her medical chart. “You gave him quite a time yesterday t — oh...”

“Hm? What’s wrong?”

“I...” Paimon’s smile had slid off her face as she read the doctor’s message, and she sighed. “Remember my last checkup? When they looked at my throat? It looks like my adenoids...are going to have to come out.” 

“Ah, I see.” Hakuei paused. “You’re nervous about this, too?”

Paimon looked down abashedly at the bedspread. “I...A little. I mean, it’ll hurt, and I’ll have to take more time off, and you know, they’re gonna go in my mouth and cut pieces out of my throat...”

Hakuei listened intently, and then leaned over to delicately kiss her cheek. “Whatever happens, I’ll take care of you this time. You can count on that. Now, is there anything else you were worried about...?”

[flowerfan2]

Bound To Be Together - Ch. 25

This is it - the final chapter in my episode coda series, and the fix-it to 9.25.  Hope you all enjoy it!

McDanno, E, A03 (Read from the beginning here)

A continuous story of Season 9 codas exploring the bond between Steve and Danny as they grow even closer.

Chapter 25: 9.25

Danny paces back and forth in the waiting room, feeling like he can barely catch his breath.  Steve had been whisked away to surgery hours ago, and Danny still hasn’t been able to talk to him.  He still doesn’t know for sure if he’ll ever be able to talk to him again.  When Steve was shot he went down so hard, and there was so much blood… Danny doesn’t want there to be a limit to how many times Steve can defy death, but even cats only have nine lives.

“Coffee?”  Tani appears in front of him, holding a steaming paper cup.  She and Junior showed up at the hospital just a little while ago, both of them looking almost as wrecked as he feels.  

Danny isn’t interested in coffee, though.  Doesn’t think he could hold the cup without spilling it.  Caffeine isn’t going to help Danny now.  Nothing is, except Steve waking up and giving him a chance to explain himself.

Danny Williams has fucked up many times in his life.  He is sadly familiar with the cold sweats, the wave of shame, the urge to hide under a rock and never come out.  But this time he’s outdone himself.   

 “Hey, it’s gonna be okay.”

 Danny blinks, realizing that he’s sitting on the floor, Tani crouching down next to him.  She puts a hand on his shoulder, barely flinching at the blood stains on his shirt.  Steve’s blood.

 “I don’t think it is,” Danny chokes out, hardly able to bear the kind look in Tani’s eyes.  He sinks his forehead to his knees and covers his head with his arms.  

 “Come on, you said it yourself.”  Tani gives his shoulder a squeeze.  “This is what they do.  And they always make it out the other side.”

 “You don’t understand.”

 “So fill me in.  We’ve got time.”  Tani shifts, settling herself next to Danny on the floor.  “Take a few deep breaths, okay, and then tell me what happened.”

 Danny breathes into the space between his knees, feeling his heart continue to pound a broken rhythm against his chest.  It reminds him of how he felt when that building collapsed on top of him, years ago. Except that time Steve was with him, holding his hand.  Making sure he made it out the other side.  

 Now he’s in a crowded hospital waiting room, surrounded by all of Five-0 except the person that matters most to him.  

 “You don’t wanna hear this.”

 “Try me.”

 Danny sighs.  He pretty much feels like he’s going to fall apart anyway, telling Tani can’t possibly make it worse.  “Just before Omar Hassan’s wife came in, I told Steve I lied to him about last week.  Told him I wasn’t in New Jersey, that I was with Rachel on Kauai instead.”

 Danny hears Tani suck in a breath, but before she can launch into him, Lou responds incredulously.

 “That’s bullshit.  I know you were in Jersey.  You’ve been talking nonstop about that Mets game you went to with your sister.  Even posted dumb pictures on Facebook.”

 “I know,” Danny says.

 “Wait, I’m confused,” Jerry says, pulling a chair over with a squeak.  “Were you in Jersey or not?”

 “I was, of course I was,” Danny says.  “Helping my folks move into a smaller place, just like I said.  I was just screwing with Steve, like I always do.  He does the same – hell, in the car earlier, he was giving me shit about that NSA woman he flirted with a few months ago.  And he’s always bringing up Catherine.  It’s what we do.”

 “You told him you spent a week on Kauai with Rachel, but you were just screwing with him?”  Lou asks, still obviously not convinced that Danny hasn’t lost his mind.

 “Not my best moment,” Danny confirms.  “But we weren’t done talking – we were in the middle of the conversation.   I could barely keep a straight face as it was, the joke would have been over in another ten seconds.  Azra Hassan interrupted me – if she hadn’t come in, this never would have happened.”

 He lifts his head and looks up at his team, who stare back at him with various degrees of disapproval.

 “Man, you really stepped in it this time,” Lou finally says, and Danny nods.

 “Yeah, I did.”

 Another hour goes by. Adam convinces Danny to get up off the floor, and they walk down the hall to the vending machine together. There’s something different about Adam lately, something hopeful, and Danny’s glad for him.

 Back in the waiting room, Tani pats a plastic chair next to her and he sits down between her and Lou. He offers Tani some of the candy bar Adam bought him.

 “Thanks,” Tani says, holding his hand steady while she takes a bite.  “You know,” she says, wiping a crumb off her mouth, “you really are kind of a dumbass.”

 Danny huffs out a bitter laugh.  “I’ve been told that before.”

 “Steve’s gonna be fine,” she says.  “And you guys are gonna be fine.  What you’ve got together is too good for this to throw it off course.”

 Danny stares at her then, and something must show in his face, because Tani gives him a soft smile he’s never seen before.  

 “Fuck,” Danny says.  “Did… did I just out us… Steve… to the entire team?”

 “We knew, Danny,” Tani says gently.  “We’ve known for a long time.”

 “Definitely,” Lou says. “That day taking prom pictures? Come on.”

 “My housewarming party,” Adam says, “that’s when I knew for sure.”

 Junior shakes his head. “I think it was even earlier.  Steve stays over your house all the time, it’s not exactly a secret.”

 “I knew something was up last fall.” Tani says.  “When Danny was away, and Steve brought in that giant box of coco puffs from Liliha’s, ‘cause he didn’t realize Danny was gone, and then he was so upset when he found out he moped like a middle school kid all week.”  

 “No, that was before Joe White was killed, wasn’t it?  Didn’t seem like you were together then,” Adam says.

 “Oh, yeah, it did,” Junior insists.  “You weren’t there when Danny showed up, but I was.  You should have seen the way-”

 “Okay, that’s enough,” Danny says, standing up, his face hot with embarrassment.  His team’s casual recital of everything he and Steve have been through for the past year isn’t making him feel any better, it’s just pointing out how much he has to lose.

 “Excuse me, Five-0?” It’s a little ridiculous how well all the hospital staff know them.  “I have an update on Commander McGarrett?”  

 They all turn, and Danny holds his breath as he waits for the doctor to continue.

 “How is he, doc?”  Lou asks.

 “He’s going to be fine,” the doctor says, and Danny feels a surge of relief so strong it almost knocks him over.  “He lost a lot of blood, and we were worried that he hit his head pretty hard on the way down, but the bullet missed all major organs.”

 “Can I see him?” Danny pushes forward, but the doctor steps back and holds out a hand.  

 “We’re moving him to a room, and then one of you can come in.”

 Danny nods, but the doctor continues, looking at Danny apologetically.  “He asked to see Captain Grover.  I’m sorry, Lieutenant.”

 “That’s okay, Danny can go-”

 “I’m afraid that’s not what I meant,” the doctor says.  He waits for Lou to acknowledge this.  “Someone will be back to let you know when he’s ready.”

 Danny sags against the wall. “He doesn’t want to see me.  He’s barely out of surgery, and the first thing he remembers is that I lied to him.”

 “But you didn’t,” Tani insists.

 “He thinks I did.  He almost died, and he thinks I betrayed him.”

 *****

Lou only spends a few minutes with Steve before the nurse kicks him out.  He fills the team in on Steve’s medical situation (he’s going to be stuck in the hospital for at least a few days, but he’ll make a full recovery) and tells them all to go home.  

 Lou stays behind, clearly anticipating that Danny wants to know more than he’s told the rest of the team.

 “What did he say?  Why can’t I see him?”

 Lou leans against the back of a chair, looking uncomfortable.  “I told him you were here, and that you were worried.  But I didn’t plead your case for you.  You’re going to have to do that yourself.”

 “What the hell?” Danny snaps, anger getting the best of him.  “You didn’t tell him anything?  That I wasn’t with Rachel?”

 “Actually, I tried. Against my better judgment.  But he wouldn’t listen, just waved his hand in my face and said he wanted to sleep.  And then the nurse kicked me out.”

 “This is not fair,” Danny says, looking around for someone else to complain to.  “Why – why won’t he listen?  Why won’t he let me talk to him?”

 “Give him some time, Danny,” Lou says.  “He’s had a rough day.”

 “A rough day,” Danny says, his throat catching.  “Yeah, that about sums it up.  Fuck.”

 Lou eventually goes home to shower and get some sleep, but Danny stays in the waiting room.  Jerry returns to sit with him for a while, and tries to cajole the nurses into letting him see Steve – he promises to put in a good word for Danny -  but apparently they want him to have “uninterrupted rest.”  Danny has the feeling this is actually at Steve’s request, to avoid having to deal with Danny, but there’s not much he can do about it.

 Later Tani and Junior come by, and Junior’s brought him a t-shirt and jeans.  His own.

 “How’d you get these?”

 Junior rubs his face. “I knew you’d ask that.”

 “The ‘Danny drawer,’ where else,” Tani says, smirking.

 “At Steve’s place?”

 “Well, my first thought was to get clothes from your house – we could use the key that Steve keeps in that bowl by the front door?  But Junes knew where to find your stuff at Steve’s, so that saved us a stop.”

 “How did you know I had clothes there?”

 “Junes does Steve’s laundry when he’s feeling particularly dutiful - didn’t Steve tell you?”

 Danny sighs.  Clearly he’s not the detective he used to be. Junior is a lot more observant than Danny has given him credit for, and Tani, well, Tani’s a force to be reckoned with.

 “It’s cool,” Junior says, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.  “I don’t mind doing laundry.  I like the routine.”

 Danny tries not to imagine Junior folding his boxers.  “I can’t believe this.”

 He does feel better when he’s changed into clean clothes.  There’s nothing like wearing a shirt with your partner’s blood on it to bring down your mood.  The t-shirt Junior brought is one of his favorite black ones, and it’s soft on his skin. He keeps it at Steve’s on purpose. Steve likes him in it.  And out of it.

 When Noelani comes to check on Steve (and Danny) later that day, after her shift, Danny gets an idea.

 “Can I borrow your jacket?” Sometimes being a relatively small guy comes in handy.  

 With Noelani’s white coat on and a confident stride, Danny passes for a doctor long enough to sneak into Steve’s room.

 Steve is lying on his side, facing away from the door.  He turns as Danny enters the room, and Danny’s heart skips a beat.  Steve’s got a bandage on his head, and a bruise running down the side of his face.  But the worst part is the defeated look in his eyes.

 “What are you doing here?” Steve says, his voice scratchy.

 “Steve, for god’s sake, I’ve been dying to see you.”  Danny rushes over, reaching for Steve.  He completely forgets about anything except getting him in his arms.

 But Steve flinches, and Danny freezes, then pulls his hands back to his sides.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

 “Go away, Danny.”

 “Steve, you have to let me explain.  I wasn’t with her, I was just kidding around, I would never-”

 “Nurse!  Security! Help!”  Steve yells, and Danny is hustled out of the room before he can continue. The bastard, he thinks.  He’s just being childish.  And he’s managed to get Danny thrown out of the hospital for the remainder of Steve’s stay.

 With no other options left, Danny goes home.  

 A few days later, Steve gets released.  He’s not supposed to go back to work yet, but he’s recovered enough to go home.  Danny and Junior drive to the hospital in Steve’s truck, Tani following behind.

 “You sure you want to do this?”  Junior asks.

 “I’m sure.”  

 Junior goes inside and comes back out with Steve a few minutes later, while Danny waits in the car with Tani, slouched down and out of sight.    After Junior gets Steve settled into the passenger seat of the truck, he and Danny switch spots.

 Steve glares at Danny as Danny starts up the truck.  “Fuck off.”

 “No.”

 And that’s it, for almost the entire drive back to Steve’s place.  Danny has spent the past few days swinging back and forth between despair and fury, and right now, Steve’s refusal to talk to him is pushing all his fury buttons.  But he knows the mess between them is his fault, and he’s not going to let Steve ruin this.  Not if he can help it.

 So he sits there next to Steve, and drives his car, and brings him home.  Because that’s what partners do.  And that’s what <i>partners</i> do, even if they’re mad at each other.

 As they approach Steve’s house, Danny bites his lip, takes a breath, and speaks.  “I love you, you know.”

 Steve doesn’t answer.

 When they pull into the driveway, Steve jumps out before they come to a full stop.  He’s inside his house with the door slamming shut behind him before Danny turns off the truck.  As he watches Steve sprint up the walkway, he can’t help but be impressed – Steve’s physical injuries sure aren’t slowing him down.

 Over the next few days, Steve keeps up the silent treatment.  He doesn’t return Danny’s calls.  Grace informs Danny that Steve is answering her texts, but only if she talks about things other than Danny.  Tani tries to get Steve to talk to him, but when it doesn’t result in any progress, she just shrugs.  “Boys are dumb,” she announces, taking the last malasada out of the box Danny brought in for the team.  “I can only do so much.”

 A week after Steve was shot, Danny decides he needs to try another approach.  He does a little research, and makes a call.

    *****

The cove is beautiful. There are palm trees lining a gentle curve of beach, and one of the smaller Hawaiian islands is off the coast in the distance.  Danny fidgets as he waits.  He’s dressed the part, he hopes, with a white on white Aloha shirt and khaki slacks. He’s even wearing flip-flops, the kind Steve thinks are dressy, with braided leather straps.

 He hears Frank and Steve talking before he sees them.  Frank is excited about his new project, and had jumped at the chance to show it off to Steve – and try to help Danny out, too.  “Happy to help, sunshine,” Frank had said over the phone, and then explained how Danny could pay him back in beer.

 “The arch will go over here, with the chairs behind it, facing out to the ocean,” Frank says, his voice getting louder as they approach.  “I’ll build a hut, too, for the reception, all open air.  And open bar.”

 They come around the bend, Frank still talking, Steve looking around obligingly.  When Steve sees Danny, his eyes widen, and he comes to an abrupt stop.

 Frank looks at the two of them, pats Steve on the shoulder, and leaves, going back the way they came.

 “Danny,” Steve says, staring him down.  “What’s going on?”

 Danny swallows hard, and walks over to Steve.  At least he isn’t running away, Danny thinks.  “I wanted to talk to you.”

 “You couldn’t have done that somewhere else?”

 “I wanted to talk to you here,” Danny says.  He waves his hand at the clearing, which will someday host happy couples on their special day.  “I always imagined we’d end up at a place like this.  Eventually.  If things worked out.”

 Steve lifts his chin, looks away.  “Yeah, too bad that’s off the table.”

 Steve’s reaction stings, but Danny knows him.  It’s not over yet, and Danny has hardly gotten started.

 “Steve, please.  Stop being so stubborn and just listen to me for a minute.”

 Steve frowns, but after a long moment, he turns back to Danny.  “I’m listening.”

 Here goes, Danny thinks. He rehearsed what he wanted to say a dozen times, but he’s still not sure he’s going to get it all out.

 “I’m a changed man,” he starts, and he sees Steve’s eyes flit over his outfit.  Not just my clothing, you dope, he wants to say, but refrains.  “I’m a changed man, a better man, since I met you.  Not just since I met you, but… because you love me.  Because I love you.”

 Steve’s face softens for a moment, but then his jaw clenches again.  Danny can tell he’s about to lose him, and he rushes to get to the point.

 “I’ve gotten more positive, even if not everyone sees it.  I’ve opened myself up to the possibility of good things in my life.  Good things happening with you, in particular. But no matter what I thought before, I realize now, it wasn’t enough.  I didn’t change enough.”

 This gets Steve’s attention, and his eyes finally meet Danny’s.

 “I crossed a line, last week,” Danny continues, his eyes starting to tear up.  “I went too far.  And I’m sorry.”

 Steve steps back, still holding Danny’s gaze.  “Danny, you really hurt me.”

 “I know, babe.” It slips out, Danny can’t help it, and he moves forward and grabs Steve’s arms, hands squeezing his biceps tight.  “I know, I’m so sorry.  I screwed up. I’m so sorry.”

 “I believed you.” Steve’s voice is small, barely audible over the sound of the breeze in the palms.  “I didn’t want to, I knew it didn’t make sense, but for a few seconds there, I believed that you went away with Rachel.  That you lied to me, and cheated on me, and…”  Steve ducks his head down, but he doesn’t pull away.  “It really hurt.”

 Danny doesn’t doubt it, he can feel the ache in Steve’s chest just like the one in his own.  “I shouldn’t have joked about that,” Danny says, inching closer to Steve and sliding his hands up to his shoulders, pressing his collarbone with his thumbs.  “We kid around about almost everything, but I knew how you worried about me and Rachel.  I should have known it wouldn’t be a joke to you.  I went too far.  I’m sorry.”

 Steve looks at Danny, and his eyes are wet.  “I got shot. And you weren’t there.”

 Danny tilts his head, confused.  “I was there, I was right there.  Lou tackled Azra, Adam grabbed the kid, and I was next to you in seconds. I used the hem of my shirt to put pressure on your wound, I had your head in my lap-”  Danny’s voice breaks.  He can taste how terrified he was, when Steve didn’t respond.  He shudders, remembering all too clearly.

 “But you were with Rachel. In my mind.  And…  that’s what I thought, at the hospital, when I woke up.”

 “Is that why you wouldn’t let me come see you?”  It’s exactly what Danny feared – that given the drugs and the shock, all Steve would remember would be their last conversation.

 “At first.  And then,” Steve pauses, his tone shifting to something like embarrassment, “I was just pissed.”

 And hurt, Danny fills in. Really fucking hurt.

 “I’m so sorry,” Danny says again.  He’ll say it as many times as it takes.

 Steve sniffles, and then his arms are around Danny, pulling him close.  “I don’t like fighting with you.”

 “I don’t like fighting with you either,” Danny chokes out, digging his face into Steve’s neck.  He rubs his nose against Steve’s sweaty throat, feeling his stubble scratch over his skin.  “Please say we won’t fight anymore.”

 Steve makes a sound that’s somewhere between a laugh and a cry.  “I don’t think I can make that promise.”

 Danny laughs with him, snorting wetly into Steve’s shirt, and clutching him tight.  He feels lightheaded, almost giddy.  They’re going to be okay.  They’re really going to be okay.

 “Making me come out here with Frank was a dirty trick, you know,” Steve says, his hand sliding up into Danny’s hair.  “The whole time, I kept picturing you and me getting hitched on the beach, Gracie at your side, Mary at mine, Joanie and Charlie with flowers and rings.”

 “Really?”  The image had of course occurred to Danny too, he’s already admitted it, but he hadn’t begun to hope that Steve was on the same page.

 “Really.”

 “That’s, um, that’s good. That’s very good.”  Freakin’ understatement of the year, it’s so good.

 Steve laughs, more relaxed now, and he pulls back to find Danny’s eyes.  “Figured you’d think so.”  He looks Danny up and down.  “Nice outfit. Coincidence?”

 “Yeah, this vintage Aloha wedding shirt was just lying there at the top of my clean laundry basket, total luck of the draw.”  Danny raises an eyebrow.  “Hey, by the way, could you maybe have mentioned that Junior does your laundry?”

 Steve squints at him, and then apparently puts two and two together.  “Guess that might have given us away?”

 “Depends, I suppose, on whether he was fooled into thinking that you had secretly taken to wearing striped dress shirts in my size.”

 “And black t-shirts.”

 “That’s not completely beyond the realm of possibility,” Danny muses.  “You look hot in black.”

 “So do you,” Steve says, and then, unexpectedly, blushes.  “I like you in white, too.”  Steve leans in and kisses Danny, his mouth soft and gentle, and Danny melts against him.

 “Oh, babe, thank god,” Danny whispers against Steve’s lips, and Steve hums in agreement before ducking down to kiss him again, another gentle press, and another, until Danny is practically shaking with the force of his tenderness.

 “I don’t want to lose you, Danny,” Steve murmurs, kissing Danny’s cheek and down his jaw.  “Don’t even tease about it, okay?  Anything else is fair game, but not that.”

 “Okay, yes, absolutely. Lesson learned.  I’m so fucking sorry-”

 Steve cuts him off with a kiss that is significantly more heated, his tongue darting inside Danny’s mouth, pressing hard enough that their teeth clack together, then stopping for his own apology.   “I’m sorry too.  I was kind of an ass about it.  Should have let you talk.”

 Danny laughs against Steve’s lips as Steve takes his mouth again.  Steve isn’t letting him talk now either, but he’s got no problem with it. There is one thing he needs to say, though, and even Steve’s blisteringly hot making out skills aren’t going to stop him.

 “Steve?”

 “Hm?”  Steve blinks at Danny, pupils blown and eyes wide. “Yeah?”

 “I love you a ridiculous amount, okay?  And I’m yours.  Just yours.  For as long as you want me.”

 Steve beams and practically bounces on his toes.  “Yeah? How about forever?”

 Danny’s heart leaps, and he can feel his own radiant smile stretching his face.  “Sounds good.  Very good. Forever sounds good to me.”

 Steve grins and starts kissing him again, nipping at Danny’s lips and sucking at that spot on his neck that makes Danny moan, one hand firm against Danny’s back and the other tangling in his hair.  Danny loses himself in it, gives himself over to Steve, clutching at his shoulders and murmuring encouragement.

 Steve’s hand has moved to the front of Danny’s pants and Danny thinks there’s a decent chance he’s about to get his very first beachfront blowjob when they hear Frank clearing his throat, explaining in an amused tone that he needs to get back, but if they want to stay longer, they can probably catch an Uber.  Steve and Danny jump apart, Steve looking charmingly disheveled and Danny feeling like a kid almost literally caught with his pants down.  

 Danny’s first instinct is to pretend that nothing much was going on, but Steve grabs his hand and beams at him.  There’s a glint in his eye that Danny is all too familiar with, and before he can say anything Steve drags him tight against him, attacking his mouth in a searingly hot kiss - right in front of Frank, who lets out a delighted laugh.   Danny gets the feeling that now that the news is out, this won’t be the first time Steve gets a little possessive in front of their friends.  The wonderful thing is, nothing could make Danny happier.  

[todorokiprotectionsquad]

AU where todoroki drops out of hero course or something, becomes a doctor. And one day a pro with a bad injury is rushed into his hospital. Gasp! It's Bakugou. Shouto saves his life and assigns himself to Bakugou's case

fjadiojfadjfiajf LOVE let me just-

trauma!surgeon!todo. please let me have this.. 

he works on the field w his little mini surgery kit and other healthcare team members. todoroki prefers the field but he does do inpatient trauma surgery sometimes so.. 

one day, he’s on call and they page him

“dr. todoroki you’re this guy’s only chance” because naturally, shouto is good at everything so of course he’s a perfect surgeon too. also his team totally calls him dr. todo

so shouto drags his booty outta bed at 3am and he’s sleepy and is fully prepared to be a little internally irritated if he shows up and it’s something dr. yaomomo could’ve handled. but hey, he signed up for this life so he obliges and shows up at the hospital 10 minutes later

gets report from the paramedics and it’s a blond pro hero, apparently one of the top heroes who acted a bit recklessly.. and then he sees his patient. and everything is a blur. his head is swimming in an impossibly large fishbowl; everything seems far away when his eyes land on the crush he’s never quite gotten over

“….bakugou..”

“dr. todo, what?”

more strained, desperate, voice broken this time as shouto whispers katsuki’s name

bakugou’s passed out from the pain. and from the fact he’s got a huge gaping hole in his side and he’s bled through the packing twice over. there’s fresh red blood dripping from the gauze

“dr. todo? you know this guy?”

“i,, uh.. yeah”

todoroki doesn’t even realize it but he’s gone white as a ghost, his eyes are bloodshot and the look on his face could kill all might

whoever did that to bakugou.. he’s gonna fucking-

“dr. todo you’re too close to this case. we’re paging dr. yaomomo”

“uhh dr. yaoyorozu is in paris right now”

“no.” todoroki swallows, already heading for a pair of baby blue surgical scrubs, “i’ll do it”

his colleagues warn him, they say he seems a little on edge, but he insists he’s fine and eventually his cold demeanor turns icy; he’s gotta do this. he has to save katsuki

it’s a mixture of major cauterization and stitches, serious rehydration and lots of effort to keep his vitals stable, but bakugou’s surgery goes well

bakugou is in recovery, shouto does follow up for a good 30 min everyday. even though he’s insistent on keeping his old classmate pretty doped up until a few days of healing have gone by.. he knows if bakugou wakes up with the surgery that fresh, it’s only gonna resolve in rage from what seems to be an obvious loss, and it’s going to be perpetuated by the pain

eventually, they pull off the meds. bakugou rouses, and he’s.. quiet

todoroki is careful to visit only while bakugou is sleeping

but one day, bakugou catches him

todoroki’s turning to leave and he hears the quietest, icyhot..

todoroki swallows hard. he half turns, peering at bakugou from the corner of his eye. why is he so nervous? it’s not like bakugou’s gonna remember him. todoroki had left ua in their second year, and it’s ten years later. no way..

so keeps his neutral face, the best he can (which isn’t actually that hard for shouto), and he nods, “mr. bakugou, i see you’re awa-”

“cut the bullshit, shouto”

todoroki raises his eyebrows

bakugou’s voice is deep from not using it the past four days, it’s rough and croaky and raw, and shouto feels bad for wondering if that’s what it sounds like when katsuki first wakes up in the morning…..

“don’t look at me like that, icyhot.. pisses me off.”

“you remember me?”

bakugou rolls his eyes, like, yes, of course i remember you, idiot. and he’s weaker than shouto’s ever seen him, but bakugou lifts his hospital gown a bit to reveal the nasty patchwork on his abdomen, “you did this?” his blond brows still slant down in a perpetually stern expression, his tired eyes are still a gorgeous crimson

todoroki sighs. bakugou is beautiful, but man he’s difficult. even on the brink of death.. todo shrugs a “yeah. sorry” in the flattest voice ever

“why the fuck are you apologizing?”

this is clearly katsuki’s weird way of saying thanks but.. why can’t he ever just say thanks? narrowing his eyes just so slightly, todoroki starts to say, “well you seem to be feeling better-”

“yeah i’m gonna head out-”

“like hell you are,”

“the fuck you say to me, pokeball head?”

“you’re stuck here until that chest tube is out, idiot”

bakugou shoots him a look of indigence, wide eyed and wild, and for a second, todoroki thinks he’s gonna rip the tube out himself. but when he doesn’t, todoroki can��t help himself.. he looks at bakugou a raised brow. “well, okay mr. bakugou, i’ll be back later to check on you”

“fuck no”

but todoroki doesn’t miss the way bakugou’s eyes linger

so todoroki just smirks,

“doctor’s orders”

[hela-avenger]

If I Die Young

Author: hela-avenger

Word Count: 5,412

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: The agony of losing you and the memories of you only makes letting you go harder. 

A/N: PURE ANGST. I DON’T KNOW WHY I DECIDED TO WRITE THIS. 

If I die young, bury me in satin Lay me down on a bed of roses Sink me in the river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song

Bucky had you in his arms as he pressed his hands to the bleeding wound from your chest. A breathing mask covered your face and your hands laid on top of his as you tried to help him stop the bleeding. Blood was covering both of your hands and spilling out of the makeshift walls that your fingers make.

Bucky could see you smile through the mask and you gripped his hands tighter, your eyes never leaving his. He could see that you were trying to say something so he reluctantly rips off the mask on your face.

“Finally…” you gasp out. “That thing makes it hard to talk…”

You start to cough violently, interrupting you completely. Bucky doesn’t notice your recovery as he focuses on the dark red that is now tainting your lips.

“We’re gonna get you back to the base,” Bucky tells you. “T’Challa and his team will have you patched up before you’ll know it.”

“I’m not gonna make it, Buck,” you whisper.

“You don’t know that,” Bucky grits out as he presses more strongly on your wound.

Your thumb caresses his hand as your grip loosens.

“But I do,” you confess to him. “I saw it happen and I still chose this...”

Bucky’s eyes fill with tears as your confession hits him. You knew all along the result of this mission and didn’t dare to tell him anything. You could have prevented this, but you didn’t.

“There was no other choice, Bucky,” you tried to make him understand. “You and Steve would have died if I didn’t cause that distraction. The hostages wouldn’t have made it either. Everyone would have died…”

“I can’t... I can’t do this without you, doll.”

You fought very hard to restrain the tears from falling and to keep the smile up. You were afraid. You were so afraid. Not for what would happen after your heart decided to stop completely, but for what would happen to Bucky after it did.

“You’ll be ok without me, right?” you ask with a sad chuckle. “You’ve had less nightmares and those damned words are out of your head, and you’ve made more friends and …”

“Stop,” Bucky pleads. “You’ve got to rest.”

“No rest for the wicked,” you respond with a short laugh. “I’ve got things to say before…”

“Don’t you dare say it,” Bucky states as he presses more on the wound. “You’re going to make it. We’re not that far from the base.”

“Still in denial, I see…” you mutter.

“Steve!” Bucky shouts ignoring you. “How much farther?”

“Five minutes!” Steve calls out. “Hold on Y/N!”

“Promise me,” you grit out as it becomes harder for you to breathe. “Promise me you’ll be ok.”

“I won’t be anywhere near ok without you, doll,” Bucky cries out to her. “You’ve got to survive this.”

“I can’t…” she cries out. “I’m so sorry.”

Bucky closes his eyes as he tried to ignore the feeling of her blood growing cold between his fingers. You place a hand on his cheek and forced him to look at you.

“Not a lot of people get to say goodbye,” she tells him. “I just… I love you, Bucky.”

“Y/N!”

“I love you…” you repeat as your hand slips away from his face and falls limply by your side.

Bucky doesn’t say it back as Steve harshly lands the quinjet and opens up the back to reveal the medic team waiting on them. Bucky refuses to remove his hands from your chest so Steve pushes the gurney down the ramp. From there, the doctors take you into the medical wing and immediately prepared you for surgery.

Bucky watches from the clear crystal window as they worked on you. They kept pumping you with blood, but you were putting out more than you were receiving. White rags were being placed inside your chest cavity and were as quickly pulled out drained in dark blood.

He was losing hope… fast.

All of a sudden you start flatlining and every attempt they do to bring you back doesn’t work. Steve is there to catch Bucky as his legs fail to hold him up. The rest of the team were waiting to hear the results but the loud scream that erupts from Bucky’s mouth is enough for them to know that you had lost the final fight.

The sharp knife of a short life Well I've had just enough time

“Hey, doll…” Bucky called out to you as he saw your distant stare. The meeting was wrapped up for this upcoming mission, but you weren’t leaving like everybody else. Instead, your gaze remained forward as images flashed through your mind. “Doll?”

You blink and turn to look up at him with a small smile.

“Sorry, I was just looking into certain outcomes,” you brush off as you pick up the files and stand up from your chair. Bucky nods understanding that you used your powers to find the right choices to make in the nearby future. Taking your time to look into every possible scenario, every outcome of every direct decision you made, tended to save their asses more often than not.

“Anything you got to share?” he asked as he led you out of the room and towards the elevator. You step into the elevator and press the button for the residential floor you shared with Bucky.

“Just the usual,” you tell him as the elevator doors opened. “Don’t get shot.”

“I’ll make sure I won’t,” Bucky chuckles as he pressed a kiss on the top of your head. “I’m gonna take a shower. You wanna join me?”

“I uh… I have to make a few calls first,” you tell him as you slip out of his hold and head down the opposite direction of your bedroom “But I’ll be there in a minute.”

Bucky saw how you held the file tighter to your chest and the way your smile looked tense as you waited for his response. He decided to brush off the strange behavior, knowing that you got anxious before every mission and just needed to make a call home to ease that feeling.

“Alright, doll,” he answered. “Don’t keep me waiting too long.”

And with that, Bucky entered the bedroom and left you on your own. You made sure to wait until the shower started running before making your way towards the kitchen. You pull out your phone and start to dial a memorized phone number that was only meant to be used for dire emergencies.

“This better be good, Agent Y/L/N,” Fury stated in a monotoned voice. “I’m supposed to be dead.”

“I got you beat there, Director,” you respond oddly calmly. “In less than 24-hours, I will be dead.”

The line goes silent and you finally find yourself facing the severity of the situation. There were so many things you wanted to do and things that were unfinished. You thought you had more time to do all of that, but deep in your mind you somehow knew it would end like this. That part of you was the reason you weren’t wallowing in your own self-pity. That part of you was the reason you had closure to this news.

“I’ll start preparing Project TAHITI,” Fury responds. “It’ll take some time, but I’ll…”

“I didn’t call you for that, Director,” you interrupt him. “I called you so that you can pull those beautiful, strong strings that you still hold and get Bucky and Steve and the rest of them a hell of a good deal and my boys, my friends, better have their goddamn feet on some kind of US soil or I won’t let myself be put down six feet under.”

“Are you threatening to haunt my ass from the great beyond?” Fury asks with a hint of amusement in his voice.

“You know damn well that I am,” you snap back earning a chuckle from him.

“Consider it done, then,” he responds. “Can’t be the reason you’re not dancing behind those pearly gates in the clouds.”

Before you could respond, you hear Bucky calling for you to join him already. You let out a sigh at the thought of hiding this from him, but the outcome of telling him ended with multiple casualties.

“I have to go,” you tell the Director. “It was nice hearing your voice before… well, you know.”

You hang up before he got the chance to, leaving your relationship with your boss and mentor as it always was; mysterious and unresolved.

You start to undress on your way to the bathroom. Your mind already organizing a plan to enact in the next few hours. You cast those thoughts away and allowed a genuine smile on your face as you took in the outline of Bucky’s naked body from the other side of the shower.

The sight of him would forever be ingrained in your mind. The sensation of his rough, strong hands caressing your skin and pulling you towards his warm body would be a feeling that will never fade away. His lips, his mouth, his tongue would be the sweetest thing you’ll ever have the pleasure to taste.

“Are you sure everything is ok?” Bucky asks you as he shuts off the water. He could still sense some distance from your part in the way you held onto him for a bit longer.

“Yeah…” you whisper reassuringly as you pressed a kiss to his lips. “There’s just a lot I have to do before tomorrow.”

If I die young, bury me in satin Lay me down on a bed of roses Sink me in the river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song

They couldn’t believe they were actually standing here at the Avengers base. Steve, Bucky, Wanda, and Sam were finally back on American soil without being immediately put under military arrest. They all received diplomatic immunity a day after your death. The timing of it all made it evident that you had something to do with it.

They didn’t know what strings you pulled and why you waited until now to pull them, but they were glad you did. If only you were standing with them now so they could thank you properly.

Everyone went their separate ways once they received the news. Scott and Clint headed over to see their families after these past few years they spent in hiding. The remainder returned to the base and headed directly to their old rooms.

Steve watched as Bucky made his way into yours and locked himself in there. He knew that he wouldn’t be coming out soon. Not because of his fear to face Tony, but because it was what he’s been doing recently. Hiding away from everything and everyone.

F.R.I.D.A.Y. announces everyone to head towards the living room for a general meeting. Steve makes his way over and finds the entire team together. Bucky wasn’t there, but Steve hadn’t expected him to be.

There was a distance from both sides of the room, an invisible boundary separating his team from theirs, but no one seemed at edge, just wary.

In the middle of them, all laid a SHIELD file with your name labeled front and center. It wasn’t hard to see that it contained your past history and your recent will.

After F.R.I.D.A.Y read over it and analyzed it for everyone’s sake, arguments had taken over the meeting as everyone tried to settle what was best to do with your funeral arrangement.

“This is a final prank of hers!” Tony shouted as he threw the file onto the table. “She can’t be serious with this.”  

“Y/N was a grown woman and she knew that these matters aren’t taken lightly,” Steve defended you. “She knew what she was doing.”

“I agree with Tony,” Natasha quips. “It seems idiotic to make her funeral arrangements to some archaic ritual. She must have been joking.”

“I don’t know…” Wanda whispers from her corner of the table. “Y/N never did anything without reason. Even her pranks had some purpose behind them... like when Sam purposely left a red sock in her whites causing her favorite summer dress to turn pink.”

Wanda couldn’t help the small smile on her face as she looked up to find Sam sporting one too.

“She scared me straight when she set those fireworks hidden on my wings for New Year’s,” Sam chuckles out before it soon fades away.

“Like I was saying before,” Wanda continued solemnly. “She put this down in her will for a reason.”

“Well I’m categorizing this as a lapse of judgment,” Tony mutters. “I’m having her buried in a designated plot next to her father. We’ll have a ceremony and her mother and sisters will be there and I…”

“No.”

The voice comes from the doorway and everyone looks up to find Bucky leaning against it. He was extremely pale and his eyes were red from the lack of sleep.

“It’s been years since you’ve last worked with her,” Bucky tells them. “Years since you’ve last spoken to her… How would you know what she would want?”

Tony was having a hard enough time to restrain his resentment towards Bucky. He opened his mouth to argue but Vision is quick to step in between the two.

“I believe Barnes has a point,” Vision states. “We no longer have the knowledge of what Miss Y/L/N would want at this moment. I believe that they have a better insight than us.”

“And speaking for all of us,” Steve adds in as he turns to look at his best friend. “I believe Bucky would know what Y/N would have really wanted.”

Wanda and Sam nodded in agreement and the room became silent as they watched Bucky take up your file and look through it. For the first time since your death, Bucky smiled.

“She wants a Viking funeral…” Bucky reads out with a chuckle. “Thor told her about it once and ever since then she’s vowed she wanted the same.”

The room remained silent and Bucky looked up to find everyone watching him. As if they were expecting him to implode.

“We’ll bury her like she asked us to,” Bucky states as he held the file close to his chest. He begins to leave with the intention of returning to your room. “No exceptions.”

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger I've never known the lovin' of man But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life Well I've had just enough time

“What are you still doing up?” Bucky asked you as he approached your dimly lit desk. You’re quick to place the paperwork into the unlabelled folder. He turns your chair so you can face him before resting his head on the crook of your neck. “Come back to bed.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” you confess to him. “Had a lot on my mind…”

“Everything will turn out fine,” Bucky assures you. “You of all people would know this.”

“I know,” you sigh out. “But I can’t help but worry sometimes. There have been some close calls in the past.”

Bucky nods at this but he was too tired to think clearly. He was too tired to notice the frown etched on her face or the poorly hidden letter that was behind you.

You take him in; the sight of his drooping eyes and the way his long hair was all over the place due to the sudden wake-up. You couldn’t help but smile and brush his hair back in order. You scratch his scalp and he practically purrs at the sensation.

“Go back to bed,” you tell him as you place a kiss on his forehead. “I’ll join ya in a minute. I just need to finish some paperwork.”

“Fine,” Bucky sighs out in displeasure. He wanted you to go back to bed with him now but knew that a few more seconds wouldn’t kill him. “This is the second time you’ve kept me waiting today. You owe me.”

You let an empty chuckle pass through your lips as you turn back to your desk. You felt a heaviness settle in your chest at the thought of not having another moment like this with him. To have this be the last night you two spend together.

With newfound determination, you quickly finish your funeral preparations and your will. You’ll wake up earlier in the morning to have them notarized and filed away before Bucky wakes. You seal the envelope which would be sent to your mother before cleaning up any evidence of what you’ve done.

You shut off the light and make your way back to the bedroom. You find Bucky laid out on his back, already asleep, but with open arms as if he was subconsciously waiting for you to join him. You capture the sight in your mind before slipping in beside him. His arms immediately wrapped around you and you lay there fighting off sleep so you could memorize his breathing pattern and the way his heart beats in his chest.

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper to him as you close your eyes tightly in remorse. “You didn’t deserve this.”

So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls What I never did is done A penny for my thoughts—oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar They're worth so much more after I'm a goner And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singin' It's funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

Bucky had remained seated on your bed ever since he came into your room. Your file was laid out on the bed after he read all of its contents. He thought he knew everything about you, but your file opened his eyes to another side of you. That had sent him into another pit of despair as he realized how much he wanted you back so you could tell him in your own words.

His face was buried in his hands, but the reminder of you was still there. The whole room smelled like you and your face was displayed everywhere. Pictures of you and the team before it split up. Your smile brightening whatever situation you were caught in. God, how he missed that smile of yours.

His eyes took in the chaos that was your room. An organized chaos, you would call it. There were clothes scattered everywhere and drawings messily pinned onto the walls. It was in every definition, you.

Bucky took in the sketches that were pinned over your bed. Portraits of Wanda playing the guitar, Natasha and Clint playing cards, Tony working on one of his cars, and Steve on his bike. What surprised him was finding his own face in the mix.

It was hidden.

Carefully hidden behind all of the penciled drawings. It was him, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, and he couldn’t help but remember the first time he saw you.

Steve had found him in Romania and Bucky had thought he had come alone. It wasn’t until he tried to make an escape and leap to the neighboring building that he found out that he was wrong. Because there you stood to pull him back before he made his jump and to your surprise, he still jumped, bringing you down with him.

You knew every move he was going to make thereafter and tried to be one step ahead of him. He kept surprising you with his last-minute decisions which didn’t give you much of a chance to formulate a plan to counteract them.

Now he knew why you acted so familiar with him. You knew he was coming for you. You knew that you two were meant to be.

Knowing that sent Bucky through another wave of resentment.

He hated that you made this decision without discussing him first.

He hated that you didn’t fight harder to find another way.

He hated that you knew he would feel this way.

He hated hating you because... damn it… he loved you with everything he had.

Bucky rips your sketches apart as he angrily tears them off the wall. The pictures of your loved ones being destroyed because you were no longer here to protect them. Behind all of the drawings, he finds his face painted onto the wall and he can’t help but start to destroy that too. His metal fists breaking through the wall with every rage-filled punch.

Suddenly, Bucky is swung backward and is being pinned down by Steve. Wanda appears right behind him, her fingers laced with red, as she reaches for his temple.

“Bucky, calm down,” she tells him as he fought through Steve’s hold. “Y/N wouldn’t have wanted this. Calm down!”

Bucky refused to listen to her and she found no other choice but to place her fingers on his temple and bring forth a memory from his mind.

“Hello there, soldier.”

Bucky blinks a couple of times, his sight not used to the bright lights that surrounded the room. He can see the outline of you, a shadow, and after a few seconds his eyesight adapts and he sees you in all of your glory. The sun rising behind you created a halo around you and the smile on your lips was pure heaven.

“Welcome back to the land of the living.”

He couldn’t form a response, not when you were standing there. You turn behind you to look at Steve and nod, telling him that he was responding well. Steve appears in front of him now with a relieved smile on his face.

“Hello there, punk,” he greets him.

“Hi there, jerk,” Steve greets back.

Bucky turns to look back at you but finds you leaving the room with the intention of letting the old friends finally reunite after a long year of waiting.

“Hey!” Bucky calls out to you.

You turn back in surprise. You hadn’t expected him to want you there. You certainly hadn’t seen that coming in your visions.

“Hi,” you say as you walk back to his side. “Need something?”

“The words,” he states. “They’re out of my head? For good?”

“Yes, Bucky,” you tell him with a smile. “Yes, they are.”

“And you helped?” he asked.

“Sort of,” you shrug. “I just made sure the decisions they were making were the right ones with the right results.”

“Thank you,” he whispers gratefully.

“You’ve got nothing to thank me for,” you respond as his crystal blue eyes met yours. Against your will, a blush spread up your neck to your cheeks and you knew that was your cue to leave. You start to head for the exit again, but decide to turn back and offer him a smile.

That smile was what sealed his fate to yours and perhaps you knew that too.

Bucky wakes up panting and finds Steve and Wanda staring down at him in concern. Tears start to roll down his face as the pain in his heart returned tenfold. Seeing you again, alive, and as captivating as ever was a harsh reminder that you were no longer here.

“Why did you show me that?” Bucky asked Wanda with a sense of betrayal. “Why would you do this to me?”

“Because you needed a reminder,” Wanda answers. “A reminder of why you chose to love her and why she chose to love you too.”

Seeing that he was no longer a danger to himself, Wanda motions to Steve to let him go and they exit your room. Leaving Bucky to once again cry himself to sleep to the memory of you.

If I die young, bury me in satin Lay me down on a bed of roses Sink me in the river at dawn Send me away with the words of a love song

The ceremony was short and brief as the sun rose up the hill. You laid in your casket, on a bed of rose petals, dressed in a white satin dress that confirmed to Bucky that you were truly an angel sent from above. As he stared down at you, he couldn’t help but find a sliver of hope grow within him as he imagined you waking up with laughter of a prank well done.

He knew that wasn’t the case, but damn he hoped it was.

They close the lid of your casket and you were now forever hidden under polished chestnut wood that would soon be set to sail and then lit aflame. You were foolish to want to be buried this way, but he couldn’t help but find humor in it too. Of course you would be this flamboyant at your funeral.

They carried your casket down to the river bed. His dress shoes getting soaked, but he didn’t care. This was what you wanted and he would give it to you as bitter as he was.

Your casket is set on the small boat that is decorated with carvings of dragons crowned with flowers. Bucky is reluctant to let your boat go knowing that after his release he will no longer see you again. His hand holds onto the rope and Steve has to pry it out of his hands after a minute. Bucky reluctantly steps back and watches as the waves slowly take you further away from him.

Clint stands next to him and raises his bow with the arrow lit on fire. He waits for Bucky to give him a cue, but he can’t. He doesn’t want to watch you turn into ash.

The boat sails further and further down the river and he closes his eyes tightly.

“Now,” he whispers.

Bucky hears the arrow fly past him and the eruption of flames as it hits its target. He feels a hand on his shoulder and Bucky bitterly opens his eyes to find you already gone. No trace of you was left.

“James,” someone calls out to him.

Bucky looks behind him and finds a woman waiting at the bank of the river. She looked familiar to him but he couldn’t figure out why.

He makes his way towards and the closer he got to her, the more he recognized the features that she and you shared.

“Mrs. Y/L/N,” he whispers as he offered her his hand to greet her.

Your mother ignored his hand and moved to pull him into an embrace. Bucky was surprised at the act, but he knew that she was in mourning as much as he was. He lost the love of his life, but she lost a daughter.

“I am so sorry,” Bucky apologized to her. “It was my job to protect her and I…”

He didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence as your mother interrupted him.

“I don’t blame you for anything, James,” she tells him. “My daughter explained that very clearly to me when she called.”

“She called you?” Bucky asked surprise and betrayed. “You knew?”

“Wanted to save me the heart attack,” she explained to him. “She knew I hated her job, but what could I do about it. Y/N wanted to be a hero and with the ability she had, how could I hide that from the world?”

Your mother shakes her head before letting out a sigh.

“But this isn’t about what I feel or wanted,” your mother tells him. “There’s nothing I could do about it now. It’s all in the past.”

She pulls out a wrinkled letter from her purse and smooths it out in her hands.

“Y/N wanted you to have this,” your mother tells him. “She knew you would want a piece of her when she was gone and here it is.”

Bucky takes the letter and finds your slanted cursive decorating the envelope.

“Why would she give you this?” Bucky asked her causing her to smile.

“Every choice she made always ended with a positive outcome,” she responded. “This one was meant for me to finally meet the big love of her life. The man who made her happy in her last breath.”

Bucky’s heart tightened painfully at her words and he could feel himself struggling to breathe.

“I wanted to marry her.”

“I know,” your mother responds. “I think she knew that too.”

Ooh, ooh, the ballad of a dove Go with peace and love Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em

Steve watched how Bucky sat at the edge of your bed with your letter in his hands. He hadn’t opened it yet and he seemed like he was never going to. Steve wasn’t sure if he was afraid to read the content inside or if this letter was the conclusion of everything you went through.

Bucky wasn’t sure either how he felt about this.

This letter, written in your hand, was your last words to him and he wasn’t ready to go. He would never be ready to let go.

“What are you waiting for?” Steve asks him.

“I don’t know,” Bucky whispered.

Steve took a seat next to him, shoving away the ripped sketches aside.

“Y/N wouldn’t have wanted you to torture yourself with something simple like this,” Steve told him.

“I know,” Bucky responded. “But I can’t help myself… I’m holding onto her as long as I can.”

“The letter won’t disappear after you read it, Buck,” Steve tells him. “And neither will she.”

“She’s already gone,” Bucky reminds him. “This letter… This letter is nothing compared to the real thing.”

“Well that’s all she could manage to give you, Buck,” Steve states. “It’s more than what others usually get.”

Steve knew from experience the feeling of loss and Bucky feels much worse than before. He let out a sigh and turns the envelope over.

Seeing this, Steve takes his leave and Bucky is left alone to deal with the contents of your letter. He finds pictures of the both of you falling into his hands and he couldn’t help but smile as happy memories were recalled. He sets the pictures aside and pulls out the crisp pages of your letter.

Dear Bucky,

I’m struggling to find the right thing to say because as of this point I’ve stopped trying to look into the future to see the results of this aftermath. I don’t know how you will react to what I have to say, but knowing you as well as I know myself, you are probably not too happy with me.

My choices recently have been reckless and unfair to you and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to have more suffering. If I had known this was the way things were going to end I would have steered clear from you and saved you from the pain.

Maybe it was selfish of me to have pursued you, but I couldn’t help myself. I recognized you before I even knew who you were. You were a constant in my life and meeting you was a choice that was made a long time ago. Maybe it was fate or destiny or just meant to be and maybe it’s selfish for me to be thankful for it because you gave me everything I wanted, Bucky.

You gave me love and adventure and laughter and happiness. You made me stop looking into the future and focus on the present with you. You made me feel so alive and I loved and was loved.

Thank you for everything, Bucky. I’m sorry it had to end this way.

Sincerely,

Y/N

Bucky lets out a sigh and he read the letter once more hearing your voice in echo in his head. You were still there somehow, deep into his memories, and a part of his soul. This letter was a reminder of who you were and he would carry it with him always.

The sharp knife of a short life well Well, I've had just enough time So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls

[cathcacen]

You Oughta Know

Rei doesn’t like it when people take her surgeries patients patient. 

The hairs prickle at the back of her neck. Cold sweat dampens her forehead, and the feeling of unease bites at her heels. She forces down several gulps of air, then looks up to meet the eyes of her superior.

“Well, the good news is the patient’s alive.”

She purses her lips, then looks back down at her shoes. Because I opened her up in time.

“The bad news is the consequences of overstepping your boundaries.”

“I understand.” Her cheeks are burning, and she has to clench her fists to stop her hands from shaking.

“Do you?” Keller’s brows are furrowed as he looks up at her. He’s seated at his desk, arms crossed, but the difference in height doesn’t make him any less imposing.

She forces down a swell of irritation. “I apologise, Doctor Keller. I was wrong and should have waited for your approval.”

Keller starts to scowl. He’s been in a fine mood lately – she can’t say she blames him. Between juggling their VIP patient, losing two residents to better prospects across the country, and a sudden boom in Ortho cases, the entire department’s been stretched thin. “You performed an unauthorised procedure on a patient. And to make things worse, that was Maroun’s patient – not yours. Do you know what would’ve happened if she’d died?”

She bites her tongue to stop herself from telling him that the patient would have died anyway, if she hadn’t stepped in after Maroun had choked mid-op. It just didn’t seem like the right time to challenge her attending.

“From now on, Naveau, you do nothing without my consent. Every test and procedure comes through me.” Keller’s voice is hard. “I get reports on what you’re doing, when you’re doing it – cadavers and patients alike. And you can say goodbye to the Laminectomy you’ve scheduled for tomorrow. Hand over all your notes to Maroun.”

“With all due respect, Sir, I don’t know if Doctor Maroun can handle it.” She grits her teeth. “She’s still a little shaken up from today.”

It’s not even a whole lie.

“I don’t give a shit.” Keller gets to his feet. “I know you’re a Naveau, and that comes with certain allowances in our field. Wang might have let you get away with things like this back in Trauma, but that doesn’t mean I will. Maroun is just going to have to suck it up, and if she can’t handle it, I’ll do the surgery myself.”

She stares resolutely at a spot on the wall behind him. “Very good, sir.”

Keller bends, then signs off on the open chart on his desk. He holds it out. “I’m your boss, and that means I own your ass. And the next time you pull something like this, I’ll have you benched for a year. Is that clear?”

“Crystal.”

She finds Maroun on the eighth floor with a stack of her patient charts. They’re in the same year; both tipped to pass their upcoming boards with flying colours and neck-in-neck in the race for the hospital’s singular coveted attending position. By all accounts, it makes no sense that the woman had tripped up at all.

She’s usually more cutthroat.

“Congratulations.” She drops the newly-signed chart on top of Maroun’s stack. “By Keller decree, you get my Laminectomy tomorrow.”

Maroun’s eyes are a warm, honeyed olive. At present, the eyes are narrowed, though her slim, striking face instantly brightens to accommodate a smug smile. “I got the call two hours ago. Guess Keller wanted me to start studying up.” She jerks her head towards one of the floor’s open doors. “By the by, you were late for your session with Lieutenant Sagen, so I’ve already done your physio with him for the day. You’re welcome.”

She shoves her hands into her coat pockets. Not trusting herself to speak, she simply nods.

When the elevator doors have closed around Maroun, and when the nurses have stopped pestering her for details, she strides over to Sagen’s room and glares in at him.

The young man’s recovered some since arriving, but she’s still not sure he’d be able to take a sound throttling. When he glances over to grin at her, she feigns indifference and instead picks up his chart. The sight of Maroun’s scrawled handwriting amidst her neatly-printed letters makes her blood boil.

“Are you trying to burn through paper with your eyes?” Sagen’s voice is thick with amusement, and she’s certain he’s heard the news.

“No. Your chart just looks like shit, but I guess that’s to be expected given you also look like shit.” She notes down his stats, and hates that he looks so pleased with today’s work. “Says here you tried the new mobility exercises we discussed yesterday.”

“Yeah,” Sagen sinks back into his pillows, and she almost wants to reach over to smack the smile off his face. “Doctor Maroun’s really good with her hands. I can’t believe I didn’t notice how pretty she was before. We really made some headway today.”

“Great.” It’s not entirely his fault, she knows, but it’s all too easy to snap at him at present. “You can have her, then. And since my methods are obviously holding you back from an instant recovery, I’ll check in with the chief and see if she can’t replace me full time.”

“You’re so cute when you’re jealous.”

“Fuck you, Sagen.”

“Ooh. I mean, I’m always up for that if you are, but maybe don’t be so rough with me right no—”

The sound of his laughter rings in her ears as she storms out of the room, and she’s certain the nurses have heard every word. She’s on call that night, so she spends the hours in the ER, reading up on her surgery and her patient. The next day, Maroun has a successful surgery, evidently having recovered from whatever the hell it was that had distracted her before. She fights back the urge to flip the woman off when she glances up the gallery from the OR.

“Welcome to my world,” Hayes whispers into her ear, and she kicks him in the shin.

It’s all of a week later before she deigns to check back in on Sagen. He’s sitting up in bed when she stops in, sporting fresh bandages and a new cast.

She smirks. “Heard about your tumble down the stairs.”

To his credit, he tries for nonchalance, though the strained quality of his smile is difficult to miss. “I figured that was the only way to get your attention. You’re so predictable. You’ve just played into my hands.”

“Mmhmm. Sure.” She flips open his chart and thumbs through the pages. Maroun’s annotations have gotten increasingly sparse. Sagen’s case is interesting enough – when he’s due for surgery. But as far as day-to-day physiotherapy goes, he’s about as interesting as a sack of grass. The thought brings a smile to her face. “I should really send Doctor Maroun a gift basket for taking all your tedious physio off my hands.”

“Admit it.” Sagen lets out a long, dramatic sigh. “You’ve missed me. No one else here twists you up as much.”

“I don’t know about that.” She glances up to meet his eye. “I’ve been sleeping much better now that I don’t have to fight with you every day.”

“So don’t fight me, then!” He brightens up. “I’m a lover, anyway, not a fighter.”

She smirks at him. It feels good to be in power. “And right now, you’re an invalid.”

“All due to my being unwillingly parted from the cutest lady doc in this place.”

“Slow and easy is looking real good now, isn’t it?” She can’t help but to gloat, but she did tell him so.

Sagen sighs at her. “She can’t keep up.” The admittance is almost forlorn, coming from him, but it draws forth a laugh anyway. “So will you come back or not?”

She flicks her hair over her shoulder. “Let’s see, shall we?”

[huntertales]

Part Two: Play Your Roles. (Changing Channels S05E08)

Useful Links: Last Part | All Episodes Word Count: 4,919. A/N: Oh booooooy, someone sucks at updating. I'm really sorry you guys had to wait so long! I tried starting this part about ten times, but nothing really felt right. But I hope this was worth the wait. Enjoy!

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You've never wanted someone's bloody severed head on a spike more than you had at this very moment. Over the past three years the trickster has been a thorn in your side that you tried ignoring after your second visit from him had ended with him slipping through your fingers again, thanks to the younger Winchester. All of this, and the mystery spot incident, could have been avoided if he had just stayed dead from the first fatal meeting ended with him getting stabbed in the chest with the wooden spike you jammed into his chest. But it seemed your attempt at pulling a prank on him only ended with him laughing, because he sent in a doppleganger to do his dirty work. But you weren't that dumb. If he wanted you to play this stupid game, fine. Lucifer could wait just a little longer, and there was no angel or demon to mess with you, the only target you had your sights on was the trickster himself. He might have gotten you and the boys cornered, but you were coming out swinging when he least suspected it. After all, if he wanted you to play a certain role, that was just fine. He just needed to know you liked to improvise on the script.

"Oh, by the way—talking to monsters? Hell of a plan, Sammy." You turned the corner of the hospital you and the boys were still trapped in after the trickster vanished from your sight. Sam walked behind you, and from the tone of your voice, he didn't need to see the expression on your face to realize you were beyond pissed off. He could have saved you the trouble of being ambushed if he just listened to you. But, no. The younger Winchester let out a sigh, knowing he was wrong, but all of you had bigger problems, like trying to figure out your next move. "You know what I'm doing? I'm getting the hell out of here and finding that son of a bitch.”

You managed to find a doorway that was labeled an exit in neon red letters, but before you could head for it, you were stumbling out of the way when a flash of brunette hair and blue scrubs came right into your vision from the corner of your eye. You got out of the way when Dr. Ellen Piccolo made her move again on Sam, but before he could fall victim to another backhanded slap, he dodged the assault, making her freeze. "Lady," Sam warned her with a frustrated tone, "What the hell?"

Ellen stared at the man with a passionate and fiery gaze, "You are a brillant, brillant—"

"Yeah, a coward. You already said that. But I got news for you." Sam cut the woman off, already knowing where this entire scene was going. He leaned down slightly to her level, wanting to make it crystal clear of what really was going on here. "I'm not a doctor."

"Don't say that. You are the finest cerebrovascular neurosurgeon I have ever met...and I have met plenty." Ellen told him. You looked at her slightly with a funny gaze, wondering what was unfolding right in front of your eyes. Sam tried his hardest not to roll his eyes as she kept going on with her nonsense. "So that girl died on your table. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anybody's fault.”

Sam nodded his head slowly, "I have no idea what you're saying to me."

"You're afraid." Ellen said. You could see her eyes were becoming glazed over as she stared at the man in front of her, from your guess of the trickster's obnoxious and tasteless sense of humor, very passionate love interest. The more you let this show unravel, the more you felt like you just stepped into a soap opera gone wrong. "You're afraid to operate again, and you're afraid to love again."

You stepped out of the way when Ellen squeezed herself between you and Dean, disregarding the both of you, almost as if she didn't realize you were standing there. You found yourself letting out a quiet laugh as Ellen dramatically walked down the hall, Dean, however, looked at his brother with complete surprise at what had unfolded right in front of his eyes. It seemed he was taken back himself at the level of drama that was unfolding right in front of his eyes. Sam shrugged his shoulders, knowing for a fact he'd never seen that woman before his life until today, and you were right about getting out of here. The three of you only managed to get a few feet before somebody else popped out from an open doorway of what you were presuming was a hospital room. Rolling your eyes in frustration, you stopped in your tracks and looked at the man, but it was Dean who he was speaking to.

"Doctor?" The man standing in the doorway timidly asked. Dean tried his hardest not to walk away, instead, he decided to give the man five seconds of his time to see what he wanted, hoping it would be of importance. Of course, it was just some stupid storyline to go along with the hospital drama."My wife needs that face transplant.”

"Okay." Dean muttered underneath his breath, having enough with this show. He looked at the man with a dead serious expression to tell him the bitter truth of his reality. "You know what, pal? None of this is real, okay? And your wife doesn't need jack squat.”

Dean thought that maybe the man could understand his reality was false, and that he was just living through a scripted TV show that came on once a week for an hour runtime. But it seemed he couldn't get that through his thick skull, as the show kept going, only for a dramatic twist to spice things up. You looked over your shoulder slightly when you heard the man call out again, but this time, he was done talking civilly. You didn't notice the gun he pulled out from his back pocket, and when you did, it was too late.You heard the familiar sound of a gunshot echoing through your ears, and someone's tight grip around your forearm. Quickly looking over at Dean, you realized that this reality the trickster put you in was very real, and the bullet in Dean's back was pumping blood that wasn't a prop. Your eyes widened in shock as you felt yourself being dragged to your knees as Dean found the pain becoming unbearable.

"No, no, no, no!" Sam panicked as dropped himself to his brother's level. He tried to help the man work through the man, and without thinking he shouted on the top of his lungs for help as a small crowd began to form around all of you. "Hey! We need a doctor!"

"Sammy," You got his attention after the younger Winchester frantically looked for help when it was all around you. "You do realize we're in a hospital full of doctors, right?"

While you and the boys might have been in one of the safest places to get shot in, that didn't mean the script of this reality would let Dean get treatment from a medically trained profession. You stood outside of the operating room with your lips pouted out to match the tightly furrowed brow on as you crossed over your chest in frustration. Dean was luckily being taken care of for the surgery they needed to complete, and while he might have been numbed up and lying face down, he was wide awake for the surgery—and Sam was his doctor. You tried your hardest to squeeze yourself into the operating room but you were quickly thrown out by a few of the female nurses after they claimed you were just an intern.

So you were forced to wait on the other side of the glass, watching Sam's every little move he made. When you saw appear from the corner of your eye, you slowly turned your head to see that it was Ellen standing right next to you. She stared on at the younger Winchester with almost a proud gaze, thinking it was brave of him to conquer his fear of losing another patient by trying to help save the life of his older brother. You found yourself rolling your eyes so far in the back of your head, only the whites of your eyes showed before it started to hurt.

"B.P. is eighty over fifty...and dropping."

If you were having a rough time here, Sam felt like someone had thrown him to the wolves. He was surrounded by nurses who were talking medical that even he didn't understand and handing him tools that he didn't know how to use. Sam wasn't a stranger to bullet wounds, he'd faced plenty in his time of hunting, and patched up a few himself. But all he needed was some hard whiskey, a switchblade and a sewing needle to get the job done. The female nurse at his right side wouldn't stop trying to give him a scalpel, even though his hands were clearly filled with some gauze as he tried to stop Dean's wound from bleeding so much. The nurse tried again to get him to grab the scalpel, nervously swallowing, her gave her a small smile and shook his head.

"Sam, do something." Dean hissed at his little brother, knowing his life was on the line. It wasn't exactly perfect timing for the other man to get stage fright when he was nearly bleeding to death. Oh, and the bullet lodged in his back wasn't all that great either. "Come on."

"I don't know how to use any of this crap." Sam admitted, making sure to keep his voice no louder than a whisper.

"Figure it out!" Dean wasn't in the mood to hear the man's excuses. These kind of hospital dramas could go either way. He could survive and make a miraculous recovery after the doctor figured out a genius plan that no other could think of. Or the doctor could freeze up, having flashbacks of his previously failed attempts at saving a life, only adding another one to the list. It was a storyline for an episode during the second season for Dr. Sexy. Dean, however, didn't want to find out which role the trickster had for him. "Sam! Come on. I'm waiting."

"Okay, um, I need a...penknife, some dental floss, a sewing needle, and a fifth of whiskey." Sam found the instructions coming out from his mouth just a few seconds later after he allowed himself to emerge into the role. You were happy to see there was progress being made, but you found yourself slowly finding a strange shift in the mood of the scene. The two nurses standing at the man's side gave one another a look, and while their mouths were covered, it wasn't hard to see the passion, or maybe it was lust, growing in their eyes at how Sam was taking control of the situation. Sam, however, was losing his patience with everyone. "Stat!"

In just the matter of minutes Sam got what he needed to operate and got to work. You watched as the man took out the bullet, dropping it out as it made a soft clanking noise against the metal table next to him that only he could hear. And just a few minutes later, he was stitching up Dean's wounds, announcing to his brother that he'd make a full recovery. Sam turned to tell you the good news, but he found his gaze lingering over to Ellen, who been watching him the entire time. She stared at him with a soft smile as her hands rested in the pockets of her lab coat. It wasn't hard to see her cheeks were stained with tears after she began crying at how easy the man gotten over his fear of operating once more. To make matters worse, when she made eye contact with him, her smile grew as she mouthed "I love you" to him and pressed her palm against the glass. Sam found himself getting weirded out as she stared lovingly at him.

While Sam tried brushing off the incident as nothing, he slowly dragged his attention away from the woman, and to you. But you weren't helping one bit. You stood just a foot away from her, only adding more drama to the scene. Your fingers traced a heart figure in the air and winked at him. Only that wasn't enough. Sam gave you his infamous bitch face as you pressed your palms against the glass and dramatically mouthing "I love you" as Ellen had did. You found yourself breaking the stare as you began laughing from the deadly glare Sam was giving you from the operating room. You and the boys had completed your first role, little did you know this was the beginning of what the trickster had planned.

+ + +

Everything sort of happened faster than you could process. First you were standing outside of the Settle Mercy Hospital hallway in comfortable scrubs and sneakers, and then all of a sudden, your senses were being pounded with loud noises and indistinct voices you couldn't understand. You felt there was a breeze against your skin, but as you tried to take in a breath, you found yourself coughing as your smell and sight being blocked by smoke. You shut your eyes for a moment as you tried to wave away the smoke from wherever it came from. While you were beginning to suspect the trickster had thrown you into another show, what you were about to see would be the least of your guesses. Everything around you was colorful and too bright for your eyes to handle from the stage lights straight ahead. You squinted your eyes slightly to see that you were on a stage and with an audience just ahead, but it was hard to see nothing more than shadowy figures without distinct faces. However, you did see two familiar faces, only they were in a pretty strange predicament. Just...not as bad as yours.

"What the..." You furrowed your brow as you looked around for a moment, knowing right away from the setup of this place that you and the boys had landed yourselves on the set of a game show. And while the boys were the players, you must have been Vanna White, minus the swanky dresses. Your hands quickly pressed themselves against your bare midriff, heat creeping into your cheeks at the skin you weren't used to showing.  "What the hell am I wearing?!"

You noticed right away the outfit wasn't the least bit modest; from the itty bitty skirt that hit just above your knee and a top that worked more like a bra, not to mention a hideously bright white thigh high boots that pulled this outfit all together. Only for the added touch, you slowly touched the top of your head to feel that you were wearing some plastic headband. Your lips stretched into a frown when you realized they had devil horns on them. The rosy pink color on your cheeks began to darken when you heard someone softly whistle, and of course, Dean found the sight of you embarrassed and barely clothed amusing. You gave him a dirty look before averting your gaze, trying your hardest to find a way out of here, but the plan only stayed in action for a few seconds before the show continued on.

You quickly turned your head to the right of you when out of nowhere a man came strolling through a pair of double sliding doors that happened to be right next to you. He spoke with charisma and energy as he headed onto the stage with a bright smile. While the crowed loved him, you couldn't understand a single word he was saying, because if you had to guess correctly at the outfits and crazy setup of the place, the next challenge was a Japanese game show.

"Let's play 'Nutcracker'!" The announce shouted with a grin, making the audience go wild with applause. You slightly winced at what was happening here as you examined the strange contraptions that the boys were in. Maybe you were starting to second guess at how you were handling this new show. The man pulled out a few cards from his pocket of his very metallic looking suit. You still couldn't understand a single word he was saying, until, he spoke a very familiar man's name. "Sam Winchester..." Sam was caught off guard and stared at you and his brother like a deer in headlights. The man couldn't understand the question that was being asked of him in Japanese. "What was the name of the demon who chose you over your own brother?"

"What? Uh...What am I supposed to say?" Sam found himself baffled for a right answer. Normally he was good at these kind of things. You and him would sometimes watch games like Jeopardy and try to answer questions faster than the appointments. But this was far from what he was used to. He looked at you and his brother for help, but neither one of you had a clue of what was going on. And the ticking time wasn't helping your anxiety of what might happen when it turned to zero. "Uh, I-I don't—I don't understand, uh, japanese." The host did just that, asking a simple question Sam should have known, only if he could understand what he really was saying.The younger Winchester let out a chuckle, "Is he screwing with me? I-I-I can't speak japane—"

But it was too late. The time on the clock ran out an alarm buzzed, making it known Sam had lost this round. The host shook his head in disappointment as he looked down at his cards. "The answer is...Ruby." He read off the paper, but neither one of you could still understand him, until he spoke a very familiar name. You furrowed your brow as Sam looked confused, wondering why a dead demon's name was brought up. "I'm sorry, Sam Winchester."

"Sorry?" Sam asked, a bit baffled at the early apology. "Sorry for what?"

It seemed you were going to understand how the show got its name after Sam took an unwanted demonstration. Your eyes widened in absolute shock when you watched as one of the contraptions keeping the boys in place went swinging up, and right in the area which wasn't the pleasant to feel a force against. You winced as Sam felt maximum pain in his lower region, worse than what he was used to feeling. His face turned red as he tried his hardest to brush off the pain like it was nothing. But the small grunts he let out as he folded over made you realize he’d gotten more than just a swift kick. You found your gaze lingering away from the poor man in pain, for the other woman dressed like you decided it would be a good time to lure the audience's attention for a product placement. You took the chance to sneak over and see if Sam was all right.

"Sam," You tried your hardest to bend down to his region, but with your outfit that barely covered anything. You only ended up standing straight and giving him a sympathetic expression, knowing he was still trying to brush off the last effects of the pain. "You okay there, buddy?"

"Peachy." Sam managed to say between clenched teeth. You could see that he was beginning to get better when he turned his head slightly to look at you better from the corner of his eye. His face scrunched up in discomfort at what he noticed you wearing. "Nice outfit, by the way."

"Shut up." You muttered to him, trying your hardest to pull down your skirt to keep from any unwanted flashes coming out by accident. But it seemed you were about to have far worse problems. You looked over at the double doors that you had been previously standing next to when you heard banging coming from the other side. Rolling your eyes, you thought this was part of the game. "Now what?"

Yet it seemed you counted off a good friend of yours for a special guest appearance. As the doors slid open, you realized the day might have just been saved by the familiar Cas himself. He headed out to the stage, but he seemed unsure of what was going on here and the theatrics the host put on when he caught sight of the angel. "Is this another trick?" Sam whispered to you and Dean.

"It's me." Cas said, reassuring the younger man. He furrowed his brow at the sight of the boys, but it was another story for the expression on his face when he caught sight of you. Rolling your eyes, quickly put up your hand, not wanting to discuss this right now. All you wanted to do was go home and pretend this entire situation never happened. "Uh, what are you doing here?"

"Us?" You asked him with confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you." Cas answered. "You've been missing for days."

"Get us the hell out of here, then." Sam hissed at the angel, having had enough of this.

Cas didn't need to be told twice. You watched as he took just a few steps forward giving you hope that all of you might get of here alive, but just like that, he quickly disappeared from your sight. "No, no, no, no." The host stepped away from the other woman as he slowly shook his head and began walking forward to the three of you. "Mr. Trickster does not like pretty boy angels."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure Mr. Trickster wouldn't like my foot up his ass." You muttered underneath your breath, mocking the man.

The host laughed off your threat as he pulled out his index cards again from his suit jacket, deciding it was time to continue on with the game. He spoke a few words in japanese again that you couldn't understand before going to another question. "Dean Winchester..." The man looked a little bit frightened when it was his turn to play. And it didn't help that the host was still speaking in a foreign language he barely understood. "Would your mother and still be alive if your brother was never born? Countdown!"

"What do I do? What do I do, Y/N?" Dean questioned you with a panicked tone. You gave him a very baffled look as you shrugged your shoulders. In all honesty, you had no idea what was going on anymore. "I don't want to get hit in the nuts."

"I know, uh, uh...." Sam came to his brother's rescue, but the slight pause as he tried to figure out the right answer wasn't a good move when you notice the clock was ticking down, and fast. When you hissed the man's name, he finally spoke again. "I played a doctor. In--In 'Dr. Sexy.' I played a doctor. I operated. So, I played the role the trickster wanted me to play. M-maybe we just have to go along with it." Dean looked at his brother, not sure what he meant by that. "With the game. I mean, we're on a game show, right? So, just answer the question."

"In japanese? I don't know japanese!" Dean hissed at his little brother, the only remark he'd gotten back when you looked at the clock was for him to try. You felt your body stiffen when you noticed the clock strike back down to zero, but instead of hearing the alarm, Dean moved quickly, hitting the red button right in front of him. The entire room fell silent, and as the man wasn't sure how this would work, he opened his mouth and spoke—all in fluent japanese. "The answer is....yes?"

The entire place fell into an eerie silence. You were worried at how hard it was to read the host, his expression was serious, making you wonder if Dean had accidentally gotten the answer wrong. But you found yourself letting out a heavy sigh of relief at the news you heard next. "Dean Winchester--'Nutcracker' champion!"

"So that's it." You forced yourself to smile even more and began clapping in the direction of the crowd of faceless shadows as the host demonstrated for you to do so after he dramatically threw his cards up in the air. "We play our roles, we survive."

"Yeah." Dean agreed, but he found a slight flaw in your thinking. The trickster said that all of you would win this game if all of you survived for twenty four hours. But according to Cas, it'd already been a few days. "Play our roles for how long?"

You forced your smile to grow wider at the thought, "Good question,"

+ + +

The change of scenery was quite different from the last position you were thrown into. You were outside on a sunny morning with your view of the lake and you were standing barefoot on a dock. While you were in more comfortable clothing this time in yoga pants and a tank top, you tried your hardest not to let the discomfort of this little commercial the trickster decided to throw in for giggles. You inhaled a deep breath as you balanced yourself enough to outstretch your left leg and position your right arm out in front of you to create the perfect pose. Looking straight ahead, you tried your hardest to make yourself say the four words, despite how uncomfortable it made you feel. Your lips stretched into a tight smile, and between clenched teeth, you forced yourself to say it.

"I've got genital herpes." You announced to nobody there.

An older man sat in his living room with his wife beside him, both of them shared a small smile before announcing a little secret that he'd been keeping from the world. "I have genital herpes."

Sam and Dean were off playing a round of basketball somewhere else with a few other guys they've never seen before in their life. But the younger Winchester played along, he easily got himself a shot as he watched the ball go into the hoop before it dropped to the pavement. Letting it bounce over to another player, Sam turned around in his spot, and while he knew what to say, the man wouldn't do it. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously. You're the one who opened your big, fat mouth and told us to play our roles." You hissed at him from your position on the dock. "Say it or I'm gonna kick you in your balls again."

"Okay, okay." Sam mumbled, throwing his hands up in a defensive position for a split second before they settled back down to his hips. He didn't want to go through the excruciating pain  again, and knowing your temper, you would stay true to your threats. He let out a sigh, and after spending a few moments silent, he got himself to say the words. "I've got genital herpes."

'This is so stupid." You muttered underneath your breath. Now you were sitting down on the ground with your legs crossed over one another and your hands in a praying position against your chest. Still, you played along, saying your next line. "I tried to be responsible."

The old man glanced over at his wife, she gave him a look, almost like she was pissed at him, but she gave him a tight smile. Maybe he cheated on her with a younger woman, that's why he got an STD, for being an irresponsible dirty old man. "Did I try." He admitted.

"Now I take twice-daily Herpexia to reduce my chances of passing it on." Sam said, making himself continue on, despite the embarrassment he was feeling at this very moment.

You changed your position again, now this time, you were standing with the sunlight hitting the water, making just the right shadow across your body as you outstretched your arms. Rolling your eyes, you made sure to give the proper advice to anybody watching this. "Ask your doctor about using Herpexia."

“Patients should always consult with a physician before Herpexia. Possible side effects include headache, diarrhea, permanent erectile dysfunction, and thoughts of suicide."

"I am doing all I can to slightly lessen the spread of—of...genital herpes." Sam forced out his last line for this stupid commercial. But he began to realize that pulling all his teeth out would seem less painful than what he was being put through. “And that's a good thing.”

Sam let out a sigh of relief when he said his final line, and with that, he turned away from whoever he was supposed to be talking to and headed back to the game with his brother. You, however, still found yourself stranded on the dock as you now sat on the ground with your legs stretched out. All though you couldn't see where he could be, for added measure, you reached up and gave the trickster a middle finger and mouthed a not so nice word directed at him. And for that, he decided to turn up the torture just a few notches, just to teach you a little lesson on how much control he really had over all of you.

[maximumkillshotstillwritess-blog]

She’s Mine

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics (claiming, knotting, the like), cursing, semi NSFW GIFS,  longgg as fuuuuuuuuuuccckkkkk but worth it (trust me)

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Characters: Dean x Reader, Sam, Cas

A/N: Ok so this is my first time trying A/B/O dynamics… I had a very good fried of mine @emoryhemsworth​ Beta this for me and she did an awesome job! So shout out to her!!

Also @kittenofdoomage​ I hope your proud!! I’ve been inspired by your A/B/O pieces for a while and I hope you enjoy this piece, you are a legend!!!

Originally posted by frozen-delight

It was a hot day in Lebanon, Kansas. Dean was working on Baby and Sam was relaxing in the library, brushing up on his ancient languages, while you were recovering from a rough surgery. A Djinn that you and the boys were hunting had taken a big swing at you in a barn, the force so great that it threw you through the second story window. You landed not so gracefully in a bale of hay, essentially breaking your collarbone, a arm, a leg (in three glorious places), and shattering 4 ribs, puncturing some internal organs in the process. One 12 hour surgery, a week in the hospital, and a shit ton of Dolerite and codeine later, you were finally able to go home.

There was only one problem. Because of the fact that you’re on blood thinners, any type of hormonal medication had to be stopped… including your suppressants and birth control. You’d been taking them since you’d presented as an Omega at 17. The world was (and still is) dangerous for a Omega, especially an Omega that lives with not one, but two Alphas.

The doctors asked you privately if you were a Alpha, Beta, or Omega. When you told them that you are were an Omega, they were surprised as you lived with two Alphas and neither had claimed you. You explained that both of the boys had assumed that you were a Beta, because your scent wasn’t that strong.

The doctors asked you if there was anywhere else you could stay, possibly with Betas. You had nowhere else to go though. Your family had died long ago, Donna and Jody lived states away, and, well… Garth had the oddest crush on you so that was a no-go.

Luckily your heat wasn’t due for a while, because you had been on birth control and suppressants for so long. Sam would find a case a few days before you would be due for one, and they’d both go on a week-long trip. When your heat would come, you’d call a Beta to help you out. This went on for a few months before your incident with the Djinn.

On the third month of recovery, the doctors cut off your casts. You didn’t tell them, but Cas had been checking in on you and healing you periodically. However, because you had internal stitches in very important organs and your injuries were still healing, you still had to lay off of suppressants for a bit to prevent residual bleeding from your organs. Specifically, a whole month.

Like every other month, Sam and Dean were on a hunt when your heat hit. You called your Beta and he said that he was sorry, but he had found another Beta and they’d started dating. You were happy for him, but at the same time you were stuck. Yeah, you could move fine and all, but you were worried. How were you going to find a willing Beta to help you through it, especially in a small town like Lebanon?

When you were in your heats, you almost never left your room, only ever to let your Beta friend in, but now that he wasn’t coming, you needed a different tactic. You decided that a nice, soothing bath would do the trick… and some toys.

As you laid in the bath, your forehead began to sweat. This usually never happened so early, especially with no Alpha around. You started to look at your toys that were laid by the side of the tub, and you decided to go with a ribbed, purple dildo that you usually kept with you during hunts. It had a few special functions: 5 different vibrating strengths, 3 patterns for the vibrations, and of course, the inflatable knot.

Originally posted by justjensenanddean

As you started teasing yourself with the dildo, flashes of Dean came into your head… how he looked fresh out of the shower, how he’d stretch the arms of his Henleys with his muscles, but the bottom of the shirt would flow down his delightfully flat stomach… Thankfully he wasn’t here, or he’d smell you and probably tease you for being an Omega.

Image found via google search

As you reached the climax of your orgasm, more and more images popped up, now with sounds. You imagined Dean on top of you, asking you if you wanted his knot, if you wanted to be filled with his pups. You imagined his strong hands gripping your hips with a bruising amount of power and driving his length into you at a breakneck pace, all the grunts he’d make, all the words he’d say. Finally at that precipice, you hit the button to knot yourself, only missing the feeling of Dean’s teeth puncturing your skin as he emptied his pups inside of you.

Sadly that wasn’t enough, but it was enough to get you through the night. As you dried off, you noticed a smell. It smelled like oil, whiskey, beer, leather, and a splash of mint, plus a familiar musk. You followed your nose around the bathroom and found it: Dean’s towel.

Usually the guys would be polite and take their towels with them to be washed. Since they thought that you were a Beta, they assumed their Alpha scents would be annoying for you to smell all the time, so they’d take them to their rooms. Not today, apparently.

You grabbed his towel and took in a deep breath. Your senses were overloaded, so much so that your mouth was watering. You could smell his cologne, his musk, his shampoo, all of him right on that towel. It was slowly fading, but definitely still there. It was then that you realized your suppressants had to have worn off completely, because this was the most aroused you’d ever felt in your life.

You knew that if you kept on smelling that thing, you’d go into the middle of your heat by tomorrow and that would not be good. Instead, you took care of yourself one final time and went to bed.

The next morning, you woke up to slick all over your thighs and a feeling that you’d never felt before. It felt like your entire body was on fire, like one touch could send you over the edge! Sweat had completely drenched your sheets. As soon as you took in a breath, you smelled Dean’s scent again and got up, only partially unconscious as you once again followed your nose.

As the scent got stronger, your body started to react more violently, heating up more if that was even possible. The slick began to drip down your thighs under your night pants, and something hit you like a ton of bricks. It felt like someone had taken a wrecking ball and aimed it directly at your abdomen, and you screamed in pain, collapsing onto the floor in front of Dean’s room. The waves of agony didn’t stop.

You began to pray to Castiel, physically sobbing into the air, screaming that the pain was too much, to help you, to bring the boys… to just make the pain stop. Then you felt your entire body go into chills.

You knew that it was the fever and screamed out, “Cas! I’m gonna die here, PLEASE!”

As soon as you felt your eyes begin to close, you heard a woosh and heard Sam’s voice saying, “Y/N? You’re an Omega?!”

Dean ran to you and felt your temperature.

Dean’s POV

I saw Cas stand up and heard him say, “Guys, something’s wrong. Y/N… she’s praying for help. She sounds like she’s in agony, she’s asking for all of us… she’s saying she’s gonna die,” I grabbed my gun and Sam grabbed his.

Originally posted by jensen-jay

I put my hand on Cas. We were three states away, but there was no way in hell that I was losing her. A second later, we were in the bunker, guns drawn, looking for any sign of her when I smelled a scent. It was intoxicating, like pie, flowers, summer rain, and a little bit of coffee. I immediately felt it… I had gone into rut instantaneously.

I immediately went into protective mode as saw Y/N collapsed in front of my room. She looked like hell. Her pants were soaked, her skin was glistening with sweat, and her eyes were fluttering closed. Her face was as red as a cherry, but she smelled like heaven. No matter how sick she was, she always looked like an angel.

I heard Sam ask if she was an Omega. No, she’s not just any Omega… She’s mine.

I immediately ran to her and knelt to her side. After feeling her head, he knew her temperature had to be at least 102.

“SAM! She’s burning up, get some ice water into the tub!” I yelled at him, now desperate to cool her off. When she heard my voice, she stirred.

“De-Dean?” she stuttered.

My god, she sounded so broken, her body just overwhelmed and strung out. Logically, I was worried, but instinctively all I wanted to do was make her moan and taste as much of her as I possibly could.

I touched her heated skin and tried to soothe her. “Hey Y/N, it’s me, it’s Dean baby, I’m here, I’m gonna take care of you, we just need to get your temperature down ok?” She started to fade again and I said as I caressed her face.

“Y/N? Hey, sweetheart, stay with me okay? Come on baby girl, look into my eyes, stay with me!” Her beautiful eyes opened.

“Wh-what’s happening?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Y/N screamed in pain and grabbed her abdomen. My god, her cramps have to be terrible.

“Sweetheart, you’re in heat ok? Your fever is way too high,” I told her gently when she returned back to a quieted state.

‘Dean… I need you… please make it stop…” she begged. “I need you, I need your knot, please!”

Well, if I wasn’t already fighting my rut, now it’s an all out war. My cock jumped just from her moaning pleas. God, I needed to be inside her so badly.

“I know you do, baby girl, but right now I need to get your temperature down ok? I promise I’ll take care of you,” I murmured into her ear. I knew that I was doing something right because she moaned at that.

Sam ran in. “The bath is ready, let me help you get her in there.” He walked in to grab Y/N and a flip switched inside me.

“Sam, if you touch her I can’t guarantee your safety,” I growled.

“Haha, very funny Dean,” he chuckled and I snapped.

“Sam, if you touch her I will kill you!” I yelled. “She’s mine… and no one is touching her except for me,” I growled.

Sam stopped dead in his tracks, most likely because he knew I was serious.

Cas said nothing as I picked her up gently and walked past Sam into the shower room.

I didn’t waste any time, not even bothering to undress her, partially because she needed to be in the tub, but also because I didn’t know if I’d be able to stop at only undressing her.

As soon as her body touched the freezing water, her eyes snapped open. I was in awe of her eyes, so glassy yet blissed out with lust… My god, I hope this fever goes away fast, because I don’t know how much longer I can hold back for.

Reader’s POV

One second I was surrounded by the best smell that I have ever experienced in my life, and the next I was plunged into ice cold water. My eyes snapped open before I could even tell them to open.

“Dean? Am I dreaming, am I dead?” I asked earnestly, barely taking a second to breathe.

Dean just laughed. “No baby girl, you didn’t die and this isn’t a dream. Looks like we got here just in time.”

“What is happening to me? Why do I feel like Thor is beating the crap out of my insides with his hammer?”

I was trying to be funny about it, but it seriously hurt, like a jackhammer was let loose on my abdomen. Dean lightly brushed back my hair with his hand, grabbed the sponge from the side of the tub, and dunked it into the icy water.

“Well sweetheart, it looks like you’re going through your heat and your temperature got way too high,” muttered Dean as he poured the icy water all over my face. It felt so good! Finally I was getting some relief from this perpetual hell.

“I smelled you… it made my mouth water last night and today. I had to get to your scent, it was everywhere, just lingering and not enough. I got to the source, your room I think, and only got hotter and my insides felt like they were twisting,” I panted.

“Have you ever had a full-on heat, sweetheart?” Dean asked as he helped me sink down further into the tub.

“No… the minute I presented my parents put me on suppressants, the strongest ones they could find. They were Betas and knew the dangers out there for a young, unclaimed Omega, so they figured it was best to make it look like I was a Beta,” I confessed.

“But didn’t you want to find your mate? Have pups?” Dean asked as he put more icy water on your neck.

“Of course! After they died, though, I started hunting. Hunter Alphas are way too rough, usually…” I replied.

“Well, I’m not exactly rough… not unless you want me to be,” Dean smirked.

“Plus, I think I found my mate already,” I said.

It was true, there had always been something between us, but this? The way he was treating me, holding me? This was the icing on the cake…

Dean smiled. “And to think, you’ve been right under my nose for four years…”

I laughed at that as I reached out of the tub for him, and he grabbed my hand. I kissed his knuckles as it was the only place that I could get to. I finally felt strong enough to start to get my now doused clothing off so I reached for the hem of my shirt and tugged it off. I had a little trouble with my pants and panties, but when I looked to Dean for help, his candy apple green eyes were almost completely black as he stared at my body. He was biting into his own lip, close to drawing blood.

“Um, Dean, could you help me out here?” I asked.

Dean silently helped me out of my clothing, grabbed the soap and handed it to me. I was shocked to discover that it was scentless when I smelled it. Dean noticed my confusion and tried to explain.

“I want to smell and taste all of you Omega, so no frilly soaps. This one doesn’t mess with the scent glands or the sweat glands, it only wipes away the dirt…”

That word, that one simple word ‘Omega’ coming from his mouth made me swoon. He knew that it did… I could tell by what he was doing as I was washing my chest.

Dean’s POV

As soon as I said ‘Omega,’ I heard her moan. It was so light that I doubt she even noticed it. As I watched her, mesmerized by her body moving so languidly, I came up with an idea. I started at her foot, lifting it out of the tub and kissing it lightly, which earned a giggle from Y/N. I let my hand glide over her calf so slowly that it was almost not noticeable, but to Y/N it was. I could tell she liked it, and she started to rub her breasts as I got closer and closer to her, slowly sliding my hand up her thigh.

Finally, I kissed her. This kiss wasn’t a ‘fuck me until I can’t see straight’ kiss. No, this was a true kiss, one shared between lovers destined to be together. I’d never believed in the ‘fireworks’ people talked about, but hot damn this was it. It felt like sparks flew between us.

I’d almost forgotten my original plan until I felt her grab my face with sudsy fingers. As we switched angles, I slowly slid my hands down her body until I reached where she needed me the most. As I opened her up with my fingers, I could feel the slick pouring out of her and all it did was make me hungrier for her.

As soon as I started to rub her clit, Y/N’s face completely changed. Her body became putty in my hands, and a relaxed, gorgeous smile graced her lips. She moaned lightly as I continued my onslaught. She had completely forgotten about washing herself, so I started to bathe her myself.

Sure, I was helping her, but I just had to feel her. My own temperature was rising, and seeing her strung out like that wasn’t helping. I also knew that tonight needed to be about showing Y/N that her heat isn’t something to hide, especially from her Alpha. This was all about pleasure… and believe me, doing this, bathing her, teasing her…. that pleasure is all mine.

After I finished washing her torso, I removed my hand from where she wanted and needed me, and she whimpered at the loss. She almost looked like a pouting child as I grabbed the soap and washed her legs, finally ending with her hair. Y/N watched me the whole time, sighing contently as I massaged her scalp and rubbed her feet. I stole kisses from her constantly, and it was all I could do not to take her right there in that tub. When I went to grab the towel, nothing could have prepared me for what she said next.

“Wait! We forgot… umm… down there,” motioning with her hand and bit her bottom lip coyly.

“No we didn’t. Remember, I said I wanted to taste all of you, and that includes that sweet slick of yours.” I slowly approached her with the towel and helped her stand.

I leaned down to dry off her legs. “You see Y/N, I’m not going to fuck you.”

She whimpered. I looked up at her after I dried her legs and slowly kissed my way up until I was chest to chest with her.

I gently swept her hair to one side and whispered in her ear, “I’m going to make love to you. I want to knot you.. fill you with my pups…claim you…”

Her knees buckled and she moaned as I held her up and continued. “You and I aren’t leaving my–well, our–room until your heat and my rut are fully sated. I can promise you that my rut lasts for a while, and judging by the slick that you’re putting out, you are more than equipped to handle me and everything I have to give you, aren’t you, my little Omega?”

Judging by her lack of breathing and full weight on me, I decided that it was best that I carry her back to our room.

As we went out to the hallway, I noticed Sam looking at me, his eyes wide with shock.

“Umm… Dean, what are you doing?” asked Sam.

“Isn’t it obvious Sammy? I’m taking Y/N to our room,” I smirked.

“But Dean, how do you know she’s your Omega? I mean this could be a big mistake,” said Sam. He was careful not to touch me or Y/N.

“How do I know? Because my rut isn’t due for another two weeks and the minute that I smelled her, not only did I go into rut, but I realized that my sole purpose was, and still is, to protect her and keep her satisfied. You should go with Cas, take Baby, finish the case, and don’t come back until I call,” I said through gritted teeth. He is an obstacle in between me and my Omega right now, and if he doesn’t leave I swear I will break his face.

Sam began to walk towards us and I immediately spun around so Y/N was safe. “Sam, if you touch her I swear to you… if you thought the Mark of Cain was bad…” I threatened, looking over my shoulder.

Originally posted by canonspngifs

“Y/N, are you okay with this? Try and think logically,” Sam said concerned as he tried to advance again. He wasn’t even four feet away and that was way too close for my liking, so I set her down gently and turned towards my little brother.

When he tried to take another step forward, I started yelling. “Sam, final warning, get back! One more step and I’m beating the hell out of you, do you understand me?”

Sam put his hands up and started to reason with Y/N again. “Y/N? Please talk to me!”

“Sa-Sammy, I know that this is the right decision, logically. He was made for me… now please… I’m in so much pain, and I need him so badly… just get out of the way because I can’t take much more time without him!” I heard her voice grow weaker and I could tell that she was going through a wave of pain.

I felt her support herself with one hand on my back and the other bracing against the wall. I thought that I was enraged before, but now my Omega is suffering because of Sam’s stubbornness. This was no longer instinct, this was rage.

Originally posted by bringmesomepie56

I threw the keys at him and I gritted through my teeth, “You have five seconds to get out of my way… If you don’t move I’m going through you.”

“Okay, okay, Cas and I are gone,” said Sam. With that, Cas and Sam went back to the motel.

As I was trying to calm down, I heard Y/N moan out for me.

“Dean, please touch me… do something, anything!”

That was the only the incentive I needed to hoist her up in my arms and carry her to our room. I kicked the door open, closing it with one foot and gently laid her on the bed, trying my best to control myself. Her scent permeated the room and I could feel my muscles tensing as I looked at her.

I slowly walked away from the bed to grab my condoms. I really don’t know how much I’d need, but I’m assuming a lot. I kept three on the night stand to start as I grabbed the towel gently and pulled it off her, exposing her body to me. Y/N’s body was a sight that I knew I’d never get over.

“You are fucking beautiful, you know that?” I whispered as I took in her naked form, pupils dilating with lust. She just smiled at me and beckoned me with her finger to the bed.

I started at the end of the bed and slowly crawled up the length of her body, sucking on every scent gland I could get my mouth on. She tasted so delicious, like whiskey and pie. If just tasting her glands was like this… Fuck, I couldn’t even imagine what her slick tasted like.

By the time I made it to her face she was breathless, wound so tight that she was buzzing with arousal. She looked beautiful.

“Look at my perfect little Omega… so pliant, so patient, you deserve a reward, don’t you think?” I breathed in her ear, nibbling on her earlobe. I heard her breathe out a barely audible ‘yes’ and I immediately descended down her body.

“My little Omega is so wet for me… such a beautiful pussy, is all of this for me?” I asked her, and she said the sexiest phrase that could have ever come out of her mouth.

“Only for you.”

At that moment, I finally let myself go. I hiked her legs over my shoulders and leaned in, tasting her. I was right, she tasted so sweet, so perfect. I could literally stay down there for the rest of my life and have no problem with it. I could’ve died down there and I would’ve died happy. Her taste only made me harder. As I experimented with where I would lick, I listened intently to her moans, noting where I touched that made her breath hitch, made her grab my hair, where to go that made her back arch off of the bed.

After I took in her body’s responsiveness for me, I leaned away from her and murmured, “Hold on sweetheart.”

Originally posted by moan-s

I dived in hitting every single spot that drove her wild, adding my fingers for extra stimulation, and as I circled her clit with my tongue, she finally came for me for the first time. That was a scene in and of itself, her back arched perfectly off of the bed, putting her tits on display for me.

As I leaned up to look at her face, all I saw was pure bliss. Her hair was scattered on the pillow in waves as she slowly settled back down to the pillow. Then she opened her eyes… my god, those eyes. Her pupils were blown out and staring directly at me lovingly, as if I was the only person worth a damn in this world.

Originally posted by sensualkisses

It was then I realized that I wasn’t just her mate, I’m her soulmate, her true mate. I climbed back up her body, stopping to nip at her pelvic bone, her stomach, and her breasts, each of which drove her crazier. As soon as I made it to her soft, plump lips, she pulled me down into a searing kiss. When we each pulled away to breathe, she whimpered “Alpha, please!”

“What is it sweetheart?” I asked as I looked deep into her eyes.

“Please claim me, make me yours Alpha,” she breathed.

How could I deny that, especially with her sweet and usually innocent voice calling me ‘Alpha?’ I definitely couldn’t hold back anymore. I looked down at her and my tone became more stern as my Alpha instincts took over.

“Then present for me, Omega.”

Immediately after I rolled off of her, she turned over to her stomach and hiked her ass in the air in a perfect presentation. I ripped off my clothes, not even caring where they ended up and noticed her staring, so I went a bit slower so she could enjoy the view. I reached over to the nightstand to grab a condom and slid it on.

I took a moment to appreciate her perfect ass, and slowly squeezed it watching as it molded to my hands.

Was there any part of this woman that wasn’t perfect? Nope.

I ran one of my hands from the small of her back all the way to her shoulder blades and made a light fist in her still damp hair. “You sure you want this, Y/N?”

Her response couldn’t have been better.

“Yes, Dean! I want this, I want you, forever…” she moaned out eagerly, grinding back against my rock hard member.

Right before I went to slide into her, she turned her head back and whimpered, “And Dean? It’s Omega.”

I responded with a slap to her ass as she playfully chuckled.

“You ready, Omega?” I asked one final time as my tip rested against her warm, wet entrance.

She looked back at me with those gorgeous eyes and before she said anything, I slowly began to slide into her. I couldn’t hold back my moan as she stretched to fit me. She was so tight, warm, and inviting. Our bodies literally molded together. I watched in amazement as her moans grew louder with every inch that I moved into her. She was losing her mind, and it was amazing to see.

After she grew accustom to my size, I began thrusting gently. This position was perfect to watch me slide in and out of her. It was the sexiest thing that I’d ever seen, but soon I felt the urge to move faster. She felt so good, and the sounds that she was making only spurred me on.

I wanted to hold off for her, to drag this out as long as I possibly could. I wanted her to not remember her own name by the end of this, so I picked up the pace even more and tugged on her hair so that she would sit up and be closer to me.

She was so far gone that she couldn’t even use her own strength to keep herself upright, so I used my left arm to hold onto her as my right hand brushed her hair to one side, exposing her neck. I nestled my nose into her neck, scenting her, getting high off of her as I pistoned in and out of her. I could feel her starting to contract around me and I began to lightly nip at her neck.

“You sure?” I panted between thrusts.

She grabbed onto my arm and screamed, “Claim me, please, Alpha!”

It was then she came for the second time that day. I followed right after her, my knot swelling completely. I felt myself start to come, the feeling so overwhelming that I finally sank my teeth into her neck as she milked me dry. She was so spent afterward that I rolled us to our sides so we could recover.

Originally posted by sensualkisses

As soon as our heads hit the pillows, I wrapped my body around her and resumed my position at the new claim bite, soothing it with my tongue, trying to heal it. I felt her fingers run through my hair.

“Wow… that was…” she panted.

“I know… feel better?” I asked as I nestled back into her neck.

“I don’t just feel better, I feel fantastic,” she chuckled.

“That’s great,” I said smiling against her. I couldn’t even think right now. I’d poofed into the Bunker thinking that I was going into a gruesome scene, and found out that my friend was an Omega.

Not only was she an Omega, but she was my Omega. A few hours later, I found myself not only having the best sex of my life, but also claiming my Omega. Now here we were, basking in the afterglow of our lovemaking.

A growl in both of our stomachs signaled that it was lunchtime, so we quickly cleaned up as best we could and went to get something to eat.

Originally posted by sensualkisses

“You know, now that you’re claimed… you don’t need the suppressants anymore…” I told Y/N as we were cooking in the kitchen. I heard her giggle as I wrapped my arms around her.

“Way ahead of you. I threw them out as soon as we separated,” she retorted. I couldn’t help but smile at that.

“That’s my girl,” I smirked and kissed her on the back of her head. As we sat down to a nice lunch, she looked up at me.

“By the way, we may want to eat quickly…”

“Why?” I asked.

She looked at me innocently and said, “I may or may not be horny again.”

I looked at her and just smiled. “Fuck it, we don’t have to eat now.”

When I went to pick her up, she could only reply with “What?! Dean Winchester is giving up a meal?”

I looked at her dead in the eye. “I’m not giving up a meal, I see another meal that I can devour that’s infinitely more delicious… Her name’s Y/N,” I said as I picked her up and carried her back to our bedroom, the meal long forgotten.

I never thought that I could have this… a mate, a friend, a soulmate, and partner in crime, but I’ve got all of them rolled into one, and the best part is… she’s all mine.

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dean winchester

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Oct 31st, 2017