#reblog if you want me to do a thing about desolation tim

[riseriseleo]

i mentioned in a previous post something about lonely tim, and i'm going to elaborate on it here.

i don't think tim and danny were particularly close. they loved each other, sure, but danny was the more popular and outgoing of them, and he was also, y'know, tim's little brother. i think danny dragging tim into whatever new interest he had was his way of showing love, but other than that...

danny is tim's little brother and he would do anything for him. i won't ever contest that. i will defend it to my dying breath. but. but i think danny had a lot more friends than tim. he was just more personable.

tim had a fake smile and a joke always on hand except when he couldn't cover up his anger, but danny's smile was real. it was more genuine than tim could ever hope to be with strangers.

they spent time together when they could, but tim got annoyed at danny and danny got frustrated at tim and they fought and argued and sometimes tim didn't pick up the phone because he just didn't want to deal with him. sometimes danny wouldn't call tim for weeks because he was pissed about a stupid, innocuous thing tim did years ago that danny was inexplicably reminded of.

so. so tim didn't exactly have a lot of people he was close with.

and then comes danny's 'death'. tim is grieving, but he also doesn't let himself grieve because danny isn't dead , he was taken. but no one believes him, obviously, so he goes to the magnus institute where he throws himself into research.

he was killing himself slowly and surely trying to figure out what happened. he slowly defrosted enough that he didn't spurn his coworkers when they try to strike up a conversation, but he was still burying his anger and grief. and. and the thing with grief is that if you don't deal with it in a healthy way, it will destroy you, and tim was letting it destroy him.

sometimes, when tim was tired and couldn't muster up enough anger or determination to ignore everything else, a fog would curl around his legs. it was cold and somehow exhausted him even more but it was also reassuring. sometimes tim wished it would engulf him fully. the only thing that kept tim from giving in completely was danny, because he felt guilty and angry and he couldn't stop because he didn't know what to do if he stopped.

(sasha was his saving grace, but even she couldn't stop the torrent of anger from spilling over sometimes, and sometimes tim swore he could see mist out of the corner of his eye. and then sasha was gone and jon was going and he didn't know martin well enough to lean on him and tim figured better dead than alone.)