#reallyfast

[subsequentibis]

one of my favorite things is when i find old fidget toys i constructed out of assorted office trash and i don't remember making them but i instantly intuit the way to stim on them

[redrreign]

got weedscared by a house centepede and now i am Scared Of TheBathroom

[carnage-cathedral]

where d.he go

[sunshades]

🚨Urgent help is needed for my family🚨

✅ Verified campaign – please check the end of the story 🔍📌

Hello dears! I am Ali and thank you for looking at us with compassion and I ask you to support my campaign to help me achieve my goal. I am in dire need of your support now to help my family survive and be safe. Gaza is a very dangerous place both in terms of living and life. I need your financial support to enable me to get the basic needs for my family until the Rafah crossing is reopened to transport my family to safety and peace. Please help a family survive through your small donations or through your contributions to others. Thank you so much for standing by those who are there 😭🇵🇸 Need.https://gofund.me/36240bc1

Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #133 )

!

[riiver000]

ih ate him som uch

thius was sddrawn reallyfast. sighs. drawing him i realised how really similar his outfit is to my oc's.. that was unintentional LOL

[iron-sides]

throws this at you and runs away reallyfast hey you remember that sona i said i was gonna draw and then i said i didnt.... well then i did. so. this is the guy......

[thetisming]

girl i saw the name blaise and got so mad my heart is beating reallyfast now . ive never even played fan translation. i think of him as excelsius. but just seeing that name is hurting me physically

[sharks-in-boots]

sacrificing my epic plushie nest because I ran out of den space reallyfast with this thing..... but it's so mind soft..... I'll have to recreate it in another den

[dantakeyoman]

𝐉𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐘 | 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐰𝐨

♡ 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

♡ * 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈, 𝒔𝒆𝒙𝒚, 𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆, 𝒛𝒐𝒎𝒃𝒊𝒆-𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑱𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏. 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒔. *

♡ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦 (𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬), 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐞, 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐨𝐟 𝐳𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬), 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐬, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱, 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐬, 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐞𝐭𝐜.

♡ * 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒚: 𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏 𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒍 *

𝐓𝐖𝐎

"I'm gettin' tired," you yawned, turning the corner with Tal on your motor scooters, "Let's find Dipshit and head home."

Columbus had graduated from Doofus to Dipshit on Year 3 of your travels together when he nearly crashed a car because he was too busy staring at Wichita.

"I hear ya," he nodded in agreement, feeling quite tuckered himself.

Until suddenly, a gunshot echoed through the hallway.

It was the sound of a shotgun.

You and Tally turned to each other in sync, knowingly.

'Columbus.'

Quickly, the both of you drew your guns, scooting over to the Yankee Candle.

Only to turn and see Columbus hugging some girl in a pink parka.

'The fuck?'

"Don't mind me," Tal sighed, tucking his gun back in his holster.

"Who is this?" You asked, cocking a brow at the curly-haired boy.

"Oh, hello," he realized, the two of them slowly breaking their hug, "This is Tallahassee and Jersey. Tallahassee and Jersey, Madison."

"Aw, are these your parents?" She asked with a ditsy smile.

"For fuck's sake," you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose.

There was no way you looked that old.

Right?

"Slightly older, better-looking friend," Tal corrected, just as pissed as you were.

"Cute," she looked the both of you up and down.

"You live here?" he asked, deciding to change the subject.

"No, Paul Blart. I live in the freezer in Pinkberry, mm-hm," she shook her head, "It keeps the zombies out, though it is awfully chilly."

"Did you ever consider turning it off?" You cock a brow.

"Couldn't find the switch, like, anywhere. Just hoping the electricity would run out."

"It's amazing. As long as it rains, the dams give us power," Columbus chimed.

"Apparently not brain power

Madison turned around, her smile immediately falling.

"I feel like you're being super judgy. Like, I'm getting a real anti-me vibe off of you

"Are you?

"Oh, my God. There it was again."

"Yeah, I saw it," Columbus agreed.

"That's really hurtful. I'm, like, really good at surviving," she assured, nodding her head.

"I carry a can of mace with me everywhere I go. And I can run really, really, really, reallyfast. Porbably because I used to do a lot of hot yoga and SoulCycle-." "Cardio?" Columbus perked.

'Here we fuckin' go.'

"Sorry, I do a lot of cardio, too," he smiled, "It's actually my number one rule, which is so dorky. But I have like a list of rules for surviving Zombieland."

"Really? So do I!" She exclaimed.

"You have a list of rules for surviving Zombieland?"

"Actually, mine is just mostly stay in the freezer."

"You know, we set up camp, like, down the road at the White House..." Columbus started, snapping back your full attention.

You and Tallahassee cleared your throats, frantically waving no at the idiot.

"The White House? Oh, my God," Madison gasped.

"Would you wanna come hang out?" He asked, completely ignoring you two.

You took that as your cue, and turned around your scooter, Tal doing the same thing as you wheeled towards the exit.

"Nothin' stoppin' from just shootin' them both and puttin' us outta our misery," he suggested.

You nodded at the fair point.

"Yeah, but then I gotta find someone else to push in front of me in a zombie attack and you're too big."

...

"Fair enough."

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

You would live to regret your decision.

Columbus brought Madison back to the house and gave her the grand tour while droning on and on about his survival rules.

You and Tallahassee had tried to talk some sense into him about bringing this unknown and surprisingly stupid girl into your safe haven, but he didn't want to hear any of it.

So Tal reprised his topic from earlier, and made it known that come sunrise, he was gonna be gone.

Which left that annoying feeling in your chest yet again.

One that amplified times ten now that you were alone with him on a couch.

And it didn't help that Columbus and the ditz were now loudly fucking on the floor right above you, making it impossible to concentrate on cleaning your gun.

'For fuck's sake...'

Tallahassee had rested his hat over his face, trying to catch some shut-eye before heading out.

But, in all honesty, he couldn't sleep.

You'd been acting real odd for the past few weeks, and he couldn't seem to pin-point why.

You were way more violent, way more irritable, and way less touchy than he remembered.

And it was making him a little crazy.

So much so that now his every waking thought, except for when fighting zombies, was spent thinking about you.

About how much he missed your talks, and your jokes, and your stories, and your smile.

And your kisses, and your touch, and your laughter, and your smile.

And your attitude, and your sassy remarks, and your funny comebacks, and did he mention your smile?

...

But what was even odder was that you had failed to pack anything yet.

You had not a duffel or even a book-bag prepared for the morning.

He said he was leaving sun-up, right?

You were there.

Had you heard him wrong?

Were you waiting until the last minute?

Were you.....not coming?

He shook his head, quickly banishing the thought.

No, no, that was impossible.

You knew you were supposed to be coming with him.

It was a given.

He goes, you go.

You go, he goes.

That was the agreement in your relationship.

...Right?

He quickly sat up, about to ask you about it, when the sound of things being knocked around suddenly echoed over Madison's aggressive moans.

The both of you perked up and turned to each other in perfect sync, concerned.

"You heard that right?" You asked, loading the final bullet in your glock.

"Yeah," Tal agreed, standing and picking up the musket that rested next to him.

His question would have to be saved for later.

You both slowly headed down the hallway where the sound came from, guns at the ready.

The creaking was getting louder and louder, and you tightened your grip on your gun, preparing for anything.

Suddenly, Columbus popped out of one of the open doors next to you.

Tal yelped and quickly shot, the boy moving in just enough time to dodge.

You sighed with relief to see it was just the him, and relaxed your shoulders.

"Sorry," Tal apologized, "It's Washington's old flintlock."

"It's a gift to Dwight D. Eisenhower from the Emperor of Japan," Columbus nodded, turning to the katana he held in his hand.

"I heard a strange noise."

"I've been hearing some strange noises, too," Tal said sarcastically, continuing to press forward.

At least you and him tried to keep it down.

They sounded like a rampaging gorilla.

"Oh, yeah. That was us. Having sex," Columbus smirked, resting the sword on his shoulder, "Rule number one."

"Maybe rule number thirty-two for her," you rolled your eyes, approaching the door where the noises were coming from.

"On my mark."

The two men nodded, and you counted down on your fingers before kicking open the door, taking aim on the first moving thing you saw.

Which was Wichita, picking up a gas can.

She froze, turning to the three of you slowly.

"Honey, I'm home."

"You gotta be shittin' me," you scoffed, lowering your weapon.

"Oh, my God, you're back," Columbus smiled.

He quickly caught himself.

"I mean, you're back or whatever. That's cool."

"Yeah, I'm not staying. Just came back to get some weapons."

"At one o'clock in the morning?" Tal cocked a brow.

"After a month missing," Columbus added.

"And no Little Rock?" You realized, the blonde-girl no where in sight.

Wichita hung her head.

"Little Rock's gone," she caved.

...

"Excuse me?"

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

After getting Wichita something to drink, mostly giving you a minute to cool off, the four of you finally sat down to listen to the entire story.

"It was great. It felt so good to be on the move again-." "We've been having a really good time here, too. Together," Columbus interrupted.

She ignored him and continued with the story.

"We picked up someone new. Just a boy. He's a couple years older than Little Rock, and he's from Berkeley-." "Berkeley?! You said Berkeley?!" Tal scoffed in disbelief.

"Yes."

"Berk-fuckin'-ley?!"

"He plays the guitar."

"Shut the fuck up, right now!" He exclaimed, standing up from his chair, "I know what you're about to tell me. She's dating a musician!"

"Tal, I think you're overreacting a little bit," you stood up as well, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

He turned to you, looking at your face already making his features soften.

"Yeah. Yeah. No, I could be, uh, overreacting," he took a deep breath, sitting back down with you, "I'm sorry, you're right. You go ahead."

Columbus and Wichita fought off smirks, quickly sharing a look.

You had that man absolutely whipped.

"And he's a pacifist," she added.

'Fuck.'

"He has survived on a strict policy of conflict avoidance, like Gandhi."

You accepted you couldn't stop this fallout as Tally stood up with a shout of anger, turning around to kick and smash anything within reach.

"Birkenstocks, sandals, wheatgrass! Fuckin' basketballs!"

He continued to shout and destroy, and you sat patiently in your seat for the episode to pass.

Others might be put off by his violent display of aggression, but knowing him for so long helped you reach the conclusion that this was the healthiest way for him to get his anger out.

At least in a way that didn't hurt anything human.

When he was finished, he sat down next to you once again, panting.

"No, I really...I have nothing against pacifists. I just wanna...beat the shit outta 'em."

"I was adamant it was a bad idea, so I did what I never do with her. ...I told her no," Wichita picked back up, "And you can probably guess what happened next."

"She did what you always do with her, and high-tailed it with the car," you stated, bored as you scratched your head with your gun.

Tal stood up, obnoxiously laughing.

"Does anyone else get the irony in that? Huh?"

"I'm worried, guys," she sighed, standing up and motioning towards the door for a walk and talk, "They're travelling all that way and all they have is a fucking guitar."

"Yeah, with no intention of using it," Columbus chimed, "Y'know, 'cause he's a hippie."

"She's supposed to be killing the dead, not followin' 'em," Tal shook his head, still reeling from the reveal.

"And there's something going on out there," she added, turning to you all while walking around the corner.

"What?" Columbus asked.

"Berkeley told us about this new kind of zombie that's stronger, and faster, and deadlier, and better adapted to the hunt."

"I'm sorry but that just sounds totally made up," he scoffed, "If you want us to come with you, just ask us."

"Honestly, I just came back for guns and ammunition."

"Come on. Stop begging. We'll do it."

"You know, this is all your fault," Tal chimed, turning to Columbus, "If you hadn't pushed her away-." "Well, not exactly, no," Wichita corrected.

He turned to her.

"I didn't just run from him, she ran from you, too."

"What?" He asked, confused.

"You...You mean well, but you're...kinda overbearing."

He scoffed.

"Oh, right. I'm overbearing?!"

"Can everyone, for the love of God, shut the fuck up!" You exclaimed, whipping around to face them.

They all went silent, surprised by the outburst.

"I'm getting sick of this blame game shit!"

You turned to Wichita, "And I'm getting real fuckin' sick of you and your sister's cut and run routine!"

Everything you were bottling up for the last two months had finally come to head.

You thought you'd gotten it all out on that zombie, but that was just the tip of the iceberg.

You were angry.

And everyone was gonna know it, too.

"When morning hits, we'll ride out. But once that girl is safe, whatever this is, will be fuckin' through. I'm done."

You stormed off, heading upstairs to go pack your things, not bothering to look at their dumbstruck faces as you walked away.

This group shit was getting too complicated, and you were allowing yourself to become too vulnerable.

Too attached.

The girls leaving, and even Tallahassee talking about striking his own, should've never hurt you as much as it did.

And in the apocalypse, you couldn't afford to waste time and energy sitting and sulking about why people do the things that they do.

Going back to being alone would make things easier.

Going back to being alone would make things better.

...

Or so you kept telling yourself.

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

"The Beast is back," Tal hummed, walking down the front steps of the White House with a smile on his face.

"I cannot wait to get my hands behind the-WHAT THE FUCK?!"

In front of him stood a blue and rusty gold mini-van, which Columbus and Wichita were walking towards.

It reminded you that Little Rock had stolen the Beast.

The car that you'd spent hours upon hours upon hours perefecting.

'I'm gonna fuckin' shoot her when I see her.'

"No, no, no, no, no, no. No way is that GD minivan even sniffing at Graceland, home to perhaps America's finest automobile. Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60."

"I've seen better," you scoffed, putting on your tactical gloves and lifting up the hood of the minivan for inspection.

"You shut your mouth," he gasped, offended, "You know, it takes a real man to drive a pink Cadillac. ...Might make that a rule of my own."

Everyone turned to him, brows cocked.

"Second thought, fuck that. Rules are for pussies," he turned to Columbus, "Nothin' personal."

"How could that not be personal? That's, like, my whole thing?"

"Yeah, you're right. It was personal."

"It's gonna be okay."

You shook your head, going back to checking out the car while the others loaded up their stuff.

As Tallahassee walked past, he roughly kicked the side mirror, making it push in.

"Tal!" You scolded, lifting your head from the hood.

"Sorry," he grumbled, walking around to the trunk.

If you two didn't know what you were to each other before, you definitely didn't know now.

The both of you wanted to respect the other's wishes of going out on their own, but you also wanted to stay together.

And no one wanted to step on the other's toes, or make anything too sentimental.

Even though you both wanted nothing more then to be sentimental.

It was quite the stupid situation.

You two might not be the brainiest of the group, but even an idiot could tell you that all this could be solved if you two had an honest and vulnerable conversation.

...

Too bad that would never happen.

You finished up your inspection, glad to see that the car was in good shape, and shut the hood, tossing your things in the passenger seat.

"Everything seems to be in order," you reported, sitting down, "Should take us a little over half way with the gas can I got in the back. But we'll find a gas station before then, or a better car. Whichever comes first."

"All right, then. Let's hit the road," Tally nodded, catching the keys Wichita tossed from the back.

"I got it!" Madison exclaimed, trudging down the stairs with 3 hot pink suitcases in hand.

"What. In. The. Butt?" Tal cocked his head.

"Aw, shit," Columbus sighed.

"Where the hell did she get all the pink luggage?" You asked, confused.

"Hi!" She smiled, waving and walking around back, towards the trunk.

"Are we dropping her off at a no-kill animal shelter or something?" Wichita asked.

"C'mon. She's a human being, all right. We can't just leave her here all alone," Columbus defended.

"Yeah, we can't just leave Columbus' girlfriend," she scoffed in a ditzy voice.

"A minivan. Nice," Madison complimented, attempting to put her bags in the back.

"I'm not gonna feel guilty about this. You left me in the harshest way possible," Columbus stood firm.

"You recovered quickly," she rolled her eyes.

"Can you help me?" Madison asked, her bags too heavy to lift.

"Jesus Christ, can you help her, Tal?" You pinched the bridge of your nose, already feeling a migraine coming on.

"I got it," he sighed, getting out.

Madison happily got in the car, and in the rear-view, you could see that he pretended to throw in the bags, then shut the trunk door.

"Makkapitew, Ashkuwheteau, Sunukkuhkau," he muttered to himself as he sat back down, starting the car.

"Is he having a seizure?" Madison asked, turning to the rest of you.

"I'm trying out Blackfoot names, so full shushy or you go back in your mall fridge," he corrected.

"Oh, I didn't tell you," Columbus smirked, turning to Wichita, "We met at the mall."

"Yeah, I was living there. Like Dawn of the Dead," Madison agreed, "Last I checked, it's the post-acropolis."

'Fuckin' Christ, how is this girl still alive?'

"It was so sad when the acropolis struck," Wichita sarcastically agreed.

"Hey, Madison, remind me. When we first met, did you point a gun at me and steal my car?" Columbus rhetorically asked.

"No," she smiled, "When we first met, I told you you were really smart. And then I slept with you."

"That's right," he nodded, slightly embarrassed, "You did."

"Tal, for the love of everything holy, go" you sighed, massaging your temples.

"Woohoo! Road trip!" Madison cheered.

"This is gonna be a long drive," he sighed, pulling off onto the street.

𝒛 𝒐 𝒎 𝒃 𝒊 𝒆 𝒍 𝒂 𝒏 𝒅

[water-mellie-seeds]

im evil

throws rocks at you

[on closer inspection, the rocks are candy]

[Eats them all reallyfast]

[thecosmiccrow]

How unstable would the two chaos gremlins be if they found a 3ds with nintendogs on it.

they wouldhave like really good stuff reallyfast somehow, but all of their dogs would be named stupid things like Shitass and Spider Suckler 3000

[lizlemondyke]

scaryemail sent ohhhhh so scary sooo scary. can't open my inbox butn eed to have it open wahtif she repsonds reallyfast

[theprison1974]

ive been thinking about finding a brick wall and running towards it reallyfast

[maneofgold]

Taske Horne: "A quick and wonderful in-one attempt! Let's watch them again!"

Taskin Reallyfast: :D

*video replays on loop, getting shorter and shorter until it focuses on a frustratingly quick and small disqualification*

Taskin Reallyfast: :o

one of my favorite things on taskmaster is when one of the contestants go "well, i can't just do [x]. that would be stupid" and then it immediately cuts to another contestant doing that. "i can't just chuck it, that would never work!" well taskman mcdumbass over here is tossing that bitch immediately. it sadly plonks to the ground, completely ineffectual. what did you think would happen. amazing. high art

[stardust-steel]

“Let me get this straight,” Vegeta said slowly, staring at Bulma like she’d just sprouted a tail. “You’re saying the Cerealians want me to be the representative delegate for Earth?”

“Yup!” Bulma’s eyes were bright with amusement. “In fact, they expressly requested you to the mediator, Vegeta.”

Vegeta considered this, tilting his head. “And… have you told them to consider my track record in diplomacy and peacemaking? In that I don’t have any?”

Beside him, Goku laughed.

“Yup, I’ve told them that too…” Bulma paused, “In.... not as many illustrative words.”

“This is ridiculous, Bulma. I’m more likely to start a war than broker a trade agreement, and I probably won’t even realise I’m doing it.” Vegeta said brusquely. “It’s a disaster waiting to happen. Find someone else.”

Goku chuckled again. The sound of his laughter did strange things to Vegeta’s insides, but he ignored it in lieu of glaring at the younger Saiyan.

Upon hearing the Cerealian races’ name and the name of the guy they’d be dealing with (“Granolah and Oatmeal”), Goku had laughed for two straight minutes. Vegeta had not been able to get him to shut up about it yet, but well, Vegeta had always been a trier.

-for upcoming fic for @kakavegeweek... if it gets out in time (keeping the prompt ambiguous at the moment in case I don’t finish it like this picture, and hype for nothing.)

[whatsinthisthing]