#really truly my jury was quite underwhelming

[loverboybrightsideghost]

me when job

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Croatia brings no men in a hamster wheel to Rotterdam 2021

Now could this be the teddy bear uprising invasion Muse has warned us about 12 years ago?

And LITERALLY, these review series make me feel like Croatia is openly taunting me - I watch the days go, I’m losing track of time, and when another day comes, I’m screaming “oh no I forgot to publish a review sooner than wanted!!”. Guess I’m for one glad there’s a time related song this year, hum?

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Repping the Adriatic coast nation that got all the sea instead of Bosnia & Herzegovina is some 22 year old Albina Grčić, who first popped up on X Factor Adria back when that was a thing, and got lumped into a girlgroup in later stages, but to that she said “hvala ne” and moved on with her life, getting eliminated just like that. Queen <3 She did get her second chance to compete as a soloist and make a more prominent mark on her career when she ended up on The Voice in Croatia. She did well, placing third overall in the season, but somehow, during the duel stage, her coach initially favoured her fellow Dora 2021 contestant Filip Rudan:

Her Voice success landed her a record deal with the Croatian division of Universal Music, she released a debut single, sometime later ended up on Dora, and here she is now, on Eurovision.

“Tick-Tock” is the song, a standard upbeat pop song, and one of the ones that talks about a girl leaving a terrible relationship and being so well over it that she “found [her]self and [she’s] finally free”, and the “tick-tock” here is used to represent the time passing by, not the sound of her heart, unlike a fellow ESC entry of a similar title. The tune (or its lyrics only) is co-authored by some dude you might’ve heard of from France’s 2018 preselection Destination Eurovision, and that is Max Cinnamon - some half-English guy with a half English song about love (”Ailleurs”) that did moderately averagely in the final... I don’t even know if his influence shows, I just love how 2021 has sort of become revenge of the NF flops but they’re writing other entries instead (Suzi P, “Adrenalina”).

REVIEW

I often don’t really fully vibe with female bops in Eurovision as much as I want to, like, for the most part they’re overhyped, and I let the “yass queeeeen” audience gorge on the everything their favourite bops give them. But this year there are plenty of great ones to choose from, as I think that it’s safe to say that most, if not all, are tucked in somewhere inside my top 20, top 25 at the very minimum. Croatia managed to even do the impossible and land into my top 10.

Why?

Well, the answer is that the song is just so damn good.

I mean, what’s NOT to like about it? It’s a catchy and upbeat song that incorporates xylophones (or whatever is it that sounds like them), guitars and synths; has a good bassline in the chorus; and it’s just... a very good composition overall, like, all the instruments in it are just in their right place and uplift the song massively. I also like Albina’s performance on it, both live and studio, it clearly shows that she’s a very good singer (also shown on her cover of the scandalous Oscar award snubbery “Husavik”). Sounds like a song a common pop loving Eurofan could gear themselves towards. Besides, it also has possibly my favourite pre-chorus section of the 2021 year? Oh wait, there’s also Switzerland, scratch that. “Tick-Tock” has one of my favourite pre-chorus sections of 2021. It builds up so well instrumentally and the way Albina sings it is even better. I obviously like to believe Albina heard those voices from far away that helped her to escape, has found herself, and she’s finally free from her “partner’s” bad lovin’ and restraint. Yas queen go be free you didn’t deserve his tomfoolery anyway!�� 👏 (Also I admire a section that’s not quite the pre-chorus but is still before the 1st chorus, the one that goes “If you pull me down then I'll come around” - literally just a lot of the parts of the song are full of nice vocal performance and I don’t regret ranking this in my top 10 not a second.)

If it has any drawbacks, it’s just that it gets a tad too repetitive after the halfway mark... like, the pre-chorus before the second chorus is the one to be repeated once again, and no new verse, nothing - but it does launch itself into something extraordinary, and that is a chorus in Croatian, which I assume she would perform in Eurovision because there’s no Eurovision version on the song promo bundle, I suppose. Comparatively the Croatian chorus is not as complex in lyrics as the English language one, and flows slightly differently too. But the song still has a long chorus by the end, and song with too many choruses is never a good sign for those that look for a song that’s constructed well, but I guess it’s a good factor for those that value the song’s catchiness. I guess that’s what one of the two Eurovision 2005 hosts valued the most when writing the Ukrainian 2006 entry “Show Me Your Love”, which if you ask me, is straight up 75% chorus, lol.

So yeah my verdict is that almost everything about this song, I like. I’m just a little devastated that in a usually very easily gorged on category of female bops, this just tends to lag behind in love, like a fellow song I really like this year, Israel. Instead people tend to prioritize Cyprus (which I get because they’ve established themselves as a girlbanger nation since Fuego swept Eurovision) and... probably even Azerbaijan? (which I might also get because Eurovision rarely has this thing called an ethnobop anymore, and it has more ethno than “Cleopatra” did, but still unnecessarily underwhelming lol.) Well then, in a year of female bangers, I would just like Croatia to not be swept under the rug come semis I guess. Yeah “Tick-Tock” may not sound like it brings something totally never seen before in a Eurovision environment (foreign language lyrics, themes about a break up, hell even her dancers looked like they were wearing the same hats as Tamta’s dancers), but you got to have a lot in you to sell a worn out idea to the new heights, and Albina does exactly that in my eyes.

Approval factor: Yeah! There is a lot of it in here for me. Follow-up factor: A great follow-up, not so great in regards to panini but musically it’s just going up and up from what we had in the past few years. I’ve actually not minded “The Dream” for the most part but I knew it was a chanceless plodding ballad and Roko harboured heaps of wasted potential working with Jacques Houdek and having wings as part of his performance, uff. *_* And then there’s “Divlji vjetre” which I also like a lot - a much better male ballad winner choice! If the Dora re-up winners keep being decent imo just like this, I have a feeling I will follow it a lot more often than I did just this one time this year. I am just saying that panini-wise, it was a sucky move from HRT for not allowing their last year’s winner promote his new song with Tijana (from Serbia 2017) on the Dora night, so we sadly only heard a pre-recorded opening version of “Divlji vjetre” to start off with :( Otherwise I think it’s not Dora’s fault in itself that Damir himself chose not to even submit an entry this year because he hadn’t found a good one - much like with Diodato for Sanremo (he was NOT rejected, if you think he still was, shush). But aside that, musically, it just keeps going up for me. Well done Croatia, for you’ve used to be a Eurovision country I don’t necessarily care about, that you brought two pretty damn good entries in a row. Qualification factor: I can absolutely trust in Albina bringing in a little bit of her charisma and well-likedness, and on top of that, a great vocal performance, in Rotterdam. Don’t ask me why, I just do. She doesn’t really perform her song live on pre-parties as much as I’d like to hope she would, but you heard girlie on the national selection, she didn’t win for nothing. Yeah yeah there might as well be female uptempo songs hungrier for the last spot, but I’d like to think Albina is one of the ones ready to devour than to be devoured. Go girl! Take us all dancing!

NF CORNER

To be honest with you, “Tick-Tock” winning Dora caught me by surprise. Ever since its re-up, the last two editions were kind of won by male ballads, and maaaaybe the dancey females were doing moderately well enough for themselves, but not overall? But look, juries were very keen on Albina, probably because she can SANG and she creates one hell of a fancy presence on her performance. And somehow she ended up snatching a win out of the hands of 5G conspiracy theorist 2016 representative Nina Kraljić, who was at first too drunk to care, but too unexpectedly sober to yell all over the soc. media how she was robbed and how the contest was rigged against her with her being on first and all that. Which is a shame that she is one of THOSE people, because her NF entry “Rijeka” is kinda nice? We did have the Balkan-esque ballads coming from Croatia in recent memory, but we haven’t had a truly proudly folksy one at that from Croatia for a long while, if not ever. Nina could’ve very well brought that to Rotterdam (and another mismatched wardrobe choice oops). But instead she was the one screaming “oh no, oh no, oh no”.

Actually I regarded Nina as one of my faves pre-show, and Albina was on her way, though she didn’t really cement the personal fav status until after all performances, thus making Nina and Albina switch spots for me. But truly, the one song that was my top favourite, iiiiiiiiiiis

GIMME AN OCEAN! OF LOVE!

2021 made me realize that damn, maybe anything that’s funky is my favourite music genre afterall. Up until then I vibed with entries like “Tonight Again” and “What’s the Pressure?” that had this sort of energetic flair and very rhythmic kinda sound to it, but 2021 just simply cemented it to me that my music world has probably been about nice and smooth and funky all along. I owe so much gratitude to ToMa first and foremost along the lines of more to have come in this year’s lineups - I just can’t not want to dance to “Ocean of Love”, and ToMa is quite alright at selling it live as well. There are small gripes with some instrument usages but that doesn’t detract from the fact that I love love LOVE funky guitar tunes.

Aside from that, I can give shout outs to Beta Sudar, whose song not only was underrated, but also had an underrated meme format throughout its performance:

My other props go to Bernarda, who not only competed in a national selection singing a song about seeing “Colors” while blind (and ironically there was a song called “Blind” in that same NF sung by a well-seeing guy!!), but also for finally putting this every country’s reject to rest. Seriously. That particular song was passed on to everyone in need of a competitive Eurovision bop, from Poli Genova to Helena Paparizou as of recently. Oh well, at least the song died a honourable death - well performed slice of good typical Eurovision pop (maybe even overperformed a little towards the end), that got a good rank with the regional juries, but somewhat murdered in televote, fellow Boris Milanov composition “Chameleon” style.

This one Mia Negovetić chick was promising too! Her song was written by the Debs and you might be tired of them trying to continue infiltrating Eurovision at this point, but a lot of their Eurovision songs are usually something I enjoy, “She’s Like a Dream” is no exception. Nothing but 3 minutes of pastel-dressed Croatian Ariana Grande doing what she does best <3

Oh and also some dudes tried to play chess on stage too I guess. But their song is not worth looking into, because one of the acts on it is apparently also a conspiracist, and maybe because oft this their entry is aptly titled “Sing, for the freedom has arrived!” lol I wonder what exactly is the kind of freedom you’re thinking of my guy

Was this the “better mood game” Laura was warning everyone about? Beats me

NF CORNER (NON-COMPETITIVE)

• It’s still hilarious to me as to how one of the acts this year, Brigita Vuco, was planning to bring in backing dancers, only for them to show a fake COVID test or something and outright BARRED from coming with her on stage. <3 Whatever she intended to do with them dancers, I have absolutely no idea, but at least she committed to her song being about drunken nights visually by having all these blurry shots

• Nina Kraljić’s greenroom shenanigans, from the “1-2-3, 1-2-3, drink” to numb the sadness over some results (and the 8 she got from the region Rijeka for the song “Rijeka” lmao), to whatever she saw on the phone that made her smile or go neutral

• Greenroom reactions in general. I swear, this year had cameramen in every single corner everywhere just to make sure something covers up for a human audience instead of severals of Zoom screens permitted to act as an audience. Random people in greenrooms were doing some sort of emotions after random acts, and also randomly they ended up pointing a camera towards an act that lost, but the act didn’t treat losing as if it were such a big deal <3

• All the other memes the Croatian Twitter might’ve noticed me for:

seriously Bernarda was locked in a bluelight mathematical dice contraption. how fucking cool is that

ANY LAST WORDS?

I just fucking hope that Albina shatters any doubts that people have had about her song come rehearsals, and somehow Croatia AND Israel slip through, because never too many female bangers I appreciate in the final, if they all are the bangers I appreciate, lol.

[eurosong]

ESC 2018 vs 2019 - Semi-final 2

Good afternoon, folks! A few days ago, I took a look at the songs of Eurovision 2019’s first semi-final, comparing them with songs from the same countries in 2018 and sharing my verdict on which year was better and why. Now it’s the turn of semi-final 2! Again, I try to see as much good as possible in each song and I mean no offence to anyone who disagrees with these opinions. 

·        Albania – 2018 – Albania had always been a bit of a bête noire for me at this contest, because they would so often pick fabulous songs at their long-running Festival i këngës national final, only then to completely mutilate them musically and (with the help of Bing translator, lyrically) in the revamp. Last year, that trend hopefully came to an end in the most glorious fashion when Eugent Bushpepa didn’t make any major change to Mall, one of the songs that most impressed me in this era, a soaring, moving, poëtic cri de cœur of a song. This year, they have also opted to neither translate nor musically mutate. I like their 2019 song a lot, but it’s a Scafell Pike to last year’s mighty Everest.

·        Armenia – 2019 – as a glossophile who always advocates the use of national languages over English, I have some respect for Qami, the only song Armenia ever sent entirely in their language. Respect, but no love, because I found it merely ok and rather repetitive. I thought this would be a second year in a row that I’d be underwhelmed by Hayastan, but whilst this year’s offering cannot shape up to the majestic Fly with me, it’s become an earworm and I enjoy the fiery defiance of Srbuk’s lyrics and the incorporation of traditional instrumentation into something otherwise decidedly contemporary.

·        Austria – 2018 – I seem to be one of very few people rating this year’s gentle, stripped-back but impassioned Austrian entry. It more than tilts its cap in the direction of Kate Bush, but I am down with that. However, it would really take some doing to beat last year’s Austrian song, Nobody but you, in my estimations – a worthy winner of the jury vote and probably the ESC’s best ever gospel-infused song for my money.

·        Azerbaijan – 2019 – I’m not as won over by this Azeri effort as many people that I know. I was expected something rather different from their snippet (a word I wish I will never hear again given the amount of them this year). It’s not bad by usual standards though, and is certainly a class above Delete My Heart and its bizarre computer-generated lyrics last year.

·        Croatia – 2018 – Last year’s Croatian song was a rather lame reimagining of Sam Brown’s Stop. I didn’t like the original and I sure didn’t fancy the semi-skimmed version that much either. Having said that, Franka, all is forgiven. Your song is a delight compared to the demonic screeching of this young budding ego ironically wearing (fluffy) angel wings. I thought Jacques Houdek had unleashed enough hell with his Maa fwenn/Moy frennddd but it was nothing compared to this abomination. It’s so bad that it almost scares me how bad it is.

·        Denmark – 2019 – Another one where I go against the grain is Denmark. I never got the hype for Rasmussen, whose song sounded like a soundtrack for some 90s direct-to-video movie about Vikings. The only thing is that they managed to make even Vikings feel lame. It all seemed a little OTT and gimmicky to me, and the amount of repetition and the cliché pitch shift both annoyed me. On paper, this hyper-sweet Danish song should also grind my gears, but in a subpar year, I’ve actually grown a fondness for it. Maybe the Frenchness of it all was what won me over. I hope they’re not actually going to sway side to side on a big chair in the actual final, though.

·        Ireland – 2018 – Two decent songs in a row from Ireland and it’s difficult to choose between them, even though neither set my world alight. I still think the staging of last year was rather cynical – two enamoured lads who had little to with the song about heartbreak, but did seem to win over some folk who otherwise would have dismissed it as a boring ballad. Seeing it live, it was quite moving, and I was able to put this incongruousness out of mind. This year’s entry has rather less artifice and a low-key charm, but I have to go for ’18 as having more depth as a composition.      

·        Latvia – 2018 – Despite never having reached the heights of Aminata who pulled them up from the non-qualification doldrums, I’ve enjoyed every subsequent song from Latvia, even though the standards of Supernova have dropped since the Riga Beaver stopped delighting us in the ad breaks. This year’s Latvian song is delightfully low-key, the kind of thing I imagine hearing on the radio late at night, driving in the rain. At the minute, though, I have to say I still prefer the sultry, tempestuous Funny Girl – though Esam­iba would have topped both.

·        Macedonia – 2018 – Macedonia, perhaps the country at the contest who least has received their dues despite some excellent songs, is a perfect illustration of how difficult these 2018 vs 2019 choices can be. Their entry this year, “Proud”, is touching and impactful on first listen, but I’ve seldom sought out to listen to it much since then. On the other hand, I was absolutely obsessed with last year’s “Lost and found”, bewitched by its changes in style and tempo. Unfortunately, the live version of 2018 was an absolute clusterfuck; it felt as though someone had been deliberately tasked with ruining their qualification chances, and that casts a shadow over the song in retrospect. I wouldn’t be surprised if 2019 is a more effective song on the stage, but for the time being, I prefer 2018 musically.

·        Malta – 2019 – There is absolutely no contest here for me. This is the first song sent by Malta that manages to hold my interest since “Tomorrow” way back in 2013. It’s more daring and contemporary than I ever imagined would be their choice. In a different universe from the screechy “Taboo.” It’s also refreshing to have a Maltese song that doesn’t try to get brownie points from their message.

·        Moldova – 2018 – A truly plague vs cholera choice. 2018’s bizarre Kirkorov-spawned ode to the ménage-à-trois versus this year’s painfully, painfully dull ballad-by-numbers with rhyming-also-by-number (rhyming say with stay, never with forever. Troolee jeenyuss.) I have to go with 2018, which creeped me out, but at least was kind of interesting in its own weird way, and its staging showed ingenuity despite limited resources.

·        Netherlands – 2018 – I’m sure for a lot of people, this choice is a no-brainer, but for me, it is very much a difficult choice. I really loved “Outlaw in ‘em”, Waylon’s country style is up my street and, whilst I still think “Thanks or no thanks” would have been a cannier choice, I appreciated one of the few moments last year in which one could rock out. “Arcade” is a different beast entirely, so comparisons are odious. Both are stirring, but OIE is riotous and defiant, whilst Arcade is poignant. It’s hard to choose just one, but I have to go for the one I’m more likely to have on repeat, last year’s song.

·        Norway – 2019 – Oh, Norway. For a few glorious years, with Margaret Berger, Karl Espen and then especially Mørland, they were the coolest thing going out of the Nordics – but how the mighty have fallen. I haven’t really liked a single one of their entries since then and once again, I am faced with a choice between two unsavoury options. Their entry this year sounds like Aqua went into the woods for a spiritualistic retreat, came back, wrote a shitty b-side about the experience and then decided not to release it, only for some Norwegians to find it about 20 years later and pass the song off as their own. Everything about it makes me cringe on an almost existential level. It appals me that the “come on barbie, let’s go pardy”-style joiking is being compared to JHF who actually representing joik in a classier way. I say all this, and yet, this year’s offering is still not ás bad as 2018’s “That’s how you write a song”, a “children’s TV show theme” song whose cosmic irony would be funny were it not so tragic.

·        Romania – 2018 – I didn’t think this would be such a tough decision when I found out the results for Selecţia Naţionala, and was absolutely amazed that the public had only 1/7th of the result, and that the juries had catapulted a song that only picked up 3% of the televote (Laura Bretan, the televote winner, got a 42% share, in contrast) on the back of a rather dubious live performance. I’m still not sure why Ester puts on a vocal affectation that makes her sound like she’s having a tantrum, but somehow the song’s dark ambiance and the hilarious video won me over. It still can’t compare to last year’s emotional, underrated effort which brought to mind departed friends.

·        Russia – 2019 – Sergey’s return is a little pompous and will certainly be wrapped up with unnecessary staging frills; that being said, it’s a decent song, which is more than I can say about the truly ghoulish “I won’t break,” whose only virtue for me – being slightly better than the hideous and ungrammatical “Flame is burning” – was removed when I saw that impossibly bad staging, confining their singer almost embarrassedly into the background.

·        Sweden – 2019 – For the first time in a few years, Sweden have sent an artist and song that I don’t find completely objectionable. That isn’t to say that I don’t find any objection at all – soul is not really soul when it is so heavily manufactured, and I cannot help but feel that they’ve taken more than a fair amount of inspiration from both Austria of last year and Bulgaria of 2016. Nonetheless, I can bear it a lot better than Dance you off.

·        Switzerland – 2018 – For once, I actually had a little bit of hope for Switzerland, who have been going through the motions with some turgid fare for the last number of years, with the only exception for me being Hunter of Stars. Going internal made me feel they had something exceptional, and I guess they thought they did, but for me, instead they brought a thinly veiled male take on Fuego and little more. Last year’s effort also didn’t impress me much, a dirgey bit of trust fund faux-rock (frock?), but I’ll take it over the Chernobyl levels of radioäctive smugness exuded by this latter Swiss attempt.

And as for the automatic qualifiers:

·        Germany – 2018 – When I heard that Barbara Schöneberger, she of the eyes that are bigger than Lake Baikal and seems permanently traumatised, was coming back after a year’s absence as host, I joked that I was amazed she was given back the gig given that every year she’s been in charge, there’s been an abject failure and the one edition where she was absent, Germany managed to get a fantastic result. I feel they’re back to their losing ways with Sister, a song performed by a group called S!sters who have only known one another for a few months if that. It’s one of many songs this year with decent verses but a horrible chorus. It’s supposed to be a celebration of sisterhood, but it feels moreso like these two want to scratch the other’s eyes out whilst they stand there, wailing at one another. There were things that annoyed me about last year’s German entry too, particularly the large section in which he merely said “whoahaoaoaoa” as if he’d run out of ideas for lyrics, but it was otherwise a stellar, well-written effort. In another league to these imaginary sisters.  

·        Italy – 2019 – Italy is one of the very few countries where I prefer 2019 to 2018, 2018 to 2017, 2017 to 2016 and 2016 to 2015! They just get better year on year. I adored “Metamoro” and still consider their song a huge highlight, one of the best of last year and of recent years. It’s incredibly difficult to choose between them and Mahmood’s Soldi, but he somehow managed to win me over even more with his anthemic, autobiographical song which has a contemporary edge but also the timelessness and quality of San Remo orchestral compositions. My number one this year so far.

·        UK – 2019 – Eurovision: You Decide got even drearier than usual this year. Whilst other countries like France increased the number of songs from which their viewers could choose, BBC cut their choices down to three, got two sets of people to perform each song in a different style pastiche and then didn’t even allow the viewers to choose which rendition they preferred. We ended up with a bog-standard “X factor winners’ single”-style song that SVT told John Lundvik not to perform for them. It has the edge because it at least “hey muvva, bruvva” lyrics or random Casio noises in the background like Surie’s song. She really deserved more.

[borisbubbles]

12. DENMARK

Rasmussen - “Higher ground” 9th place

Ok, so somehow, in a contest with a nautical theme, the one song which *literally* started with the line “Ships in the making, bound for a distant shore” never got to open any of the live shows??? ¿¿Que??

So, Denmark. Quite possible the opposite of my previous entry, yet its greatness is just as challenging to put into words? As much as “Taboo” was a inaccessible conglomeration of every possible fucking staging trick, so simple was “Higher Ground” It is a great song, but I find it hard to explain why. It is just so much fun? 

It’s like a chapter of the Edda Saga come to life, with its Old Norse chanting, banner-swaying and feigned-drunken slrrrrring uv wrrrrds creating a truly immersive atmosphere. (I love all things Norse, so I was never NOT going to stan this) I love how one of the backings looks like precisely like Conchita Wurst’s long-lost sister. I dunno, Higher Ground just shines on its own, without the need of convoluted gimmicks (tho still bless Malta’s souls for burying “Taboo” under them for no other reason than it (barely) fitting within their ad-funded budget <3). 

So it’s of no surprise that this ended up the Michał of the year, yes?

As you are well aware of, Eurovision is in a continuous process of ‘reinventing itself’, which is code for ‘rejecting its Euroschlager roots in favour of increasedly pallid Ultratop50 knock-offs’, like guuuuurls you can do better than that. Think of an entry in this year that was actually *original*. I come up with... “O Jardim”, “Mercy” and maybe “Hvala, ne!”? Congratz 3/43.  This shocking display of self-loathing creates a power vacuum for the few -for some godforsaken reason- critically panned Euroschlager anthems which *do* make it into Eurovision proper. As the only entry in this year (out of 43) which can be described as “classic eurovision schlager”, “Higher Ground was always going to attract a lot of attention. Add in a few clear-as-crystal references to Game of Thrones (Rasmussen is literally Tormund + guyliner and a weave), a ubiquitous Viking tone and just general dramatic badassery, you’ve found yourself an audience’s fave and the bane for any jury chairperson’s existence. 

This is the long explanation why “Higher ground” is actually a great entry. It is the only entrant, in a year so widely praised as the “first serious contest in years”, that actually feels traditionally Eurovision.  For a brief moment, we are hooked up on pure Classic Eurovision, the term often used to describe the time when “Eurovision Songs Were Still Good”. 

And yes, it is highly ironic (and tragic) that the one entry that reminds many of that very murkily defined time period venerated by the critics, is also one that was critically panned by crappy self-important jurors. Would it that jurors had any self-awareness (I’m pretty shocked the EBU were able to find 43 rooms big enough to house the jurors and their egos), but oh well.

I suppose this is where I address the Melofestivalen shit, yes?

So, the jist of it is this: Two Swedes write “Higher Ground” for Melodifestivalen and get brutally rejected by Christer for reasons I can only guess, as HG was far better than anything in Melfest this year.. (Christer = Melfest’s Jeff Probst). 

Considering that Denmark has a herstory of recycling past Swedish trends- omg reminder that the 1986 Danish entry was a frame-by-frame carbon copy of the 1985 Swedish entry 😂,  please enjoy the pictorial evidence I have provided in support of this statement

 ps: I love that the Danish entry was called “You are full of lies” so unselfaware, so meta, so Denmark <3 

but I digress. Anyway,

Considering that Denmark has a herstory of recycling past Swedish trends, they of course picked up the "Higher ground”, put it in DMGP, substituted the Swedish singer with a Danish one and voila! The melfest reject wins DMGP with his fingers up the nose, cementing his place amongst the canon as an audience darling, and YES scoring significantly better than Ingrosso in the televote 😍The discrepancy shown by televote wasn’t as hilar as “Colour of your life” rising from last to sixth with one sudden stroke (given that Sweden had a higher combined score than Denmark somehow 🙄) but whatever, the ending was perfect because much like the Edda, this Viking Saga also ended with the evil trickster getting swallowed by the World’s Serpent. Sorry, Christer, should’ve taken the LEEP LAKYU WERBWND; FRR HIYRRRR GRWWWWWWND!!!!!

RANKING SO FAR:

12. Denmark (Rasmussen - “Higher ground”)

13. Malta (Christabelle - “Taboo”)

14. Cyprus (Eleni Foureira - “Fuego”)

15. United Kingdom (SuRie - “Storm”)

16. Serbia (Balkanika - “Nova Deca”)

17. Portugal (Cláudia Pascoal - “O jardim”)

18. The Netherlands (Waylon - “Outlaw in ‘em”)

19. Ukraine (MÉLOVIN - “Under the ladder”)

20. Macedonia (Eye Cue - “Lost and Found”)

21. San Marino (Jessika ft. Jenifer Brening - “Who We Are”)

22. Sweden (Benjamin Ingrosso - “Dance You Off”)

23. Austria (Cesár Sampson - “Nobody but you”)

24. Latvia (Laura Rizzotto - “Funny girl”)

25. Azerbaijan (AISEL - “X my heart”)

26. Israel (Netta - “Toy”)

27. Norway (Alexander Rybak  - “That’s how you write a song”)

28. Montenegro (Vanja Radovanovic - “Inje”)

29. Armenia (Sevak Khanagyan - “Qami”)

30. Poland (Gromee ft. Lukas Meijer - “Light me up”)

31. Greece (Yianna Terzi - “Oniro mou”)

32. Georgia (Iriao - “For you”)

33. Belgium (Sennek - “A matter of time”)

34. Italy (Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro - “Non mi avete fatto niente)

35. Romania (The Humans - “Goodbye”)

36. Ireland (Ryan O'Shaughnessy - “Together”)

37. Croatia (Franka - “Crazy”)

38. Belarus (ALEKSEEV - “Forever”)

39. Russia (Julia Samoylova - “I Won’t Break”)

40. Spain (Amaia & Alfred - “Tu canción”)

41. Iceland (Ari Ólafsson - “Our choice”)

42. Australia (Jessica Mauboy - “We Got Love”)

43. Czech Republic (Mikolas Josef - “Lie to me”)

FOOTNOTES

1. I couldn’t really fit it into the narrative, but the actual reason why Rasmussen is only 12th and not higher is because I found the act kind of visually underwhelming. (the snow at the end is particularly sad) Like I said, the song is great and I often have it on loop, but the act is a bit too small for a stage that big.

2. That said, “Higher Ground” is by far the song I’ve listened to the most often this season, which bodes well for any future positive morphs when I rewatch this year in the distant future.

3. Rasmussen bombing with the jury probably has more to do with the lack of gimmicks than the genre of the song. Like I said, the song pretty much carries itself, so if you stop to ponder and list all the things great about it, it all boils down to “the song is catchy and fun”, which is not what juries look at (juries love intricate acts, layered complexity and technical finesse, none of which are particular strengths of this entry)

4. Yes, I think it’s MASSIVELY hypocritical to glom onto songs such as “A Matter of time” under the pretence of “It’s a good song” when yeah it was, but everything else was shit and then subsequently ignore “Higher Ground” for being “only a good song”. wtf.  

5. While I do enjoy trashing the juries on a regular basis, be aware that during the actual Jury Era of this show, none of the juries were professional. In fact, when I rewatched 1978 and 1985, both times the hosts were ADAMANT to remind the audience that the juries were in fact NOT professionals, but 10 randomly selected civilians (Celeb and non-Celeb) with no direct ties to the music industry whatsoever. This is precisely why entries such as Riva, Bucks Fizz and Toto Cotugno managed to win a ’jury vote’ with a comfortable lead lmfao imagine that happening now. Anyway, the bottom line is that today’s “five professionals” jury system fucking sucks and has to be swallowed by Jörmundgandr also. 

6. ’Eurovision used to be good before’ is such a weird statement, yet I hear it all the time in relation to the contest (by people of my age group????) Like... what exact years are you refering to, cuz like... the 2000s were trash and I can’t honestly think of a decade as consistently good as the 2010s lol? We haven’t had a weak year since 2012!! (but of course, most of the people I’ve talked about this in person have, by their own admission, not seen a year since 2010 so how would they know lol)

7. If we assume that 'Eurovision used to be good before’ refers to the time when Eurovision was song-centric, that doesn’t make a lick of sense either? If you’re old enough to remember the late 1960s your taste is probably irreconcilable with mine anyway. And yes, while it took until #London1977 before we finally got a ‘gimmicky’ year, this also made for one of the most watchable, consistently fun contests ever, -even to this day- while “song-centric” years like 74; 75 and 78 are grueling to sit through nowadays unless you have the taste of the average Söngvakeppnin voter. Gimmicks were a part of ESC even during the Chanson Era, as the language barrier was a massive hurdle for any song not sung in French. And true, the “gimmicks” then weren’t more than “performing barefoot” or “having a key change”, but good lord it’s the sixties, flat, boring French Chansons dominated and only because everyone fucking understood French, SO GRASPING AT STRAWS HERE.

 8. The funny thing is that Denmark didn’t copy Kikki Danielsson’s evergreen once, but twice. 😂 “Hallo Hallo” (DK1990) was just a repackaged “Du er fuld af løgn“ (DK1986), which as I said, was itself just a slightly different “Bra Vibrationer” (SW1985). It’s seriously some Bra Vibraception shit.

9. I will never stop shitting on Melfest 2018. It was pure Tropical House Torture and yes, Rasmussen > literally everything in that, including the entries I actually like (which were... Jessica Anderson, Ida Redig and... um... Edvard Blom? Rolandz? Margaret? Samir and Viktor???? *gunshot*) 😂/🙄@ rescinding their roots for 2014′s musical fade. Pray that Christer never discovers reggaeton - though who am I kidding, it will dominate ESC selections in 2020, bank on it.

10. Now that I’ve mentioned them, one of “Higher Grounds” songwriters (Niklas Arn) actually was the bass player for Rolandz (who were my second faves in the finale by fucking default). Robbed twice, both in Melfest and outside of it, smfh.

11. Oh and I think “Higher Ground” in the hands of Sweden, absolutely would’ve been guaranteed top five (watch how most of these “professional” jurors suddenly would *like* it because, you know, Melfest Winner) and that’s all the humiliation I need. That said, I doubt “Higher Ground” ever would have actually won Melfest (it has the Heartbreak Hotel “dominates televote, gets screwed over by juries” label stamped all over it) but oh well, that’s just because Melfest SUCKS and the “International Juries” are a fucking farce. So it worked out for the better that “Higher Ground” was in fact not in Melfest, I think. 

12. Rasmussen is actually the first Danish ESC contestant since Emmelie de Forest that I’ve liked. Gratz? 

[getoffthesoapbox]

[VKM Spec] Slogging Through VKM 11

Whelp, VKM 11 has arrived and it was...underwhelming, to say the least. There are a few tidbits of interest which I’ll be covering below. If you’re looking for indepth analyses on the parallels and intricacies of Haruka and Juri and Kaien please check out @soulisthirsty​‘s post which covers the specifics of that trio in more depth. 

I despise all levels of the Kuran incest family shenanigans and prefer to spend as little time analyzing them as possible to keep my blood pressure down. ;) Ancient obasans have to watch out for these things, you know!

In the meantime, for anyone who hasn’t read the translations or seen the spoilers, please check them out on @alldempretties​‘s blog before proceeding to read below. =)

This post has been tagged anti cross kaien and anti ky for anyone who would like to blacklist it from the tags. Fair warning: I won’t be using any visuals because this chapter isn’t up to snuff panel-wise. Hino got a bit lazy with this one. 

On Present Kaien - Melodrama Ridiculous

Why Hino decided to dedicate a full 40 pages to Kaien is...quite beyond my ken. Regardless, here we are. 

As many perhaps are aware, Kaien is one of my most detested characters, and this chapter does little to fix this. He’s no better than the noble vampires, running around worshipping his purebloods at the expense of common sense. But we’ll get to that in a minute. For now I’d like to focus on the present and how ridiculous this whole set up is.

Hino makes a big hairy deal about Kaien’s reaction to the doctor’s news (the doctor is absolutely preposterous and unprofessional), and then she drags out Kaien’s long memory sequence about his loved ones. A larger deal is made out of Kaien’s “illness” than Yori’s funeral! Sometimes Hino’s lack of common sense is stunning.

Kaien plays up his illness in order to manipulate Yuuki into giving him a whole host of things she wouldn’t ordinarily give him. Dates to the park with Ai (I noticed Kaien didn’t invite Zero to these), old massage coupons, photo album sorting, great screenings with everyone important assembled. For a guy who’s dying, he sure has a lot of unfinished business. 

It’s hard to know if Hino actually intends to kill him off or if this whole scenario was created in order to give Yuuki a reason to be sorting photos and creating this screening for Kaien. Zero seems to be under the impression that it’s much ado about nothing, which I’m inclined to agree with, much as it pains me. 

I find it interesting that Kaien still calls Zero “Kiryuu-kun” while he calls Yuuki “Yuuki” and Kaname “Kaname-kun.” It’s clear he’s still on the pro-Kaname boat and the anti-Zero boat as far as Yuuki is concerned, as is fitting for his Kuran-obsessed character. He’s always placed Kaname and Yuuki above Zero, even though Zero was entrusted to his care. 

Sadly, I doubt he’ll be dying anytime soon. I was really hoping to get rid of one of the detestable characters, but no, Hino only commits to killing off the decent ones. Thanks for spoiling my fun, Zero. ;)

On Past Kaien - A Long Life with Little to Show for It

My current theory on why Hino insisted on rehashing old exposition of Kaien’s past (Kaien takes photos, Juri wields anti-vampire weapons, Kaien was friends with Haruka and Juri, Kaien started the school for Juri, Kaien was in love with Juri) is to remind the readers of all these things that occurred over the course of the original series. If I don’t think of it this way, I’ll want to tear my hair out over having to reread the same old information again.

Regardless, we do clarify a few things. Kaien gets inspired by Isaya to take photos. Isaya’s words about capturing happy times of your loved ones are probably meant to echo into the future to Zero and Yuuki during their happy times (and to reflect upon the present as an unhappy time despite appearances). 

We also find out that Kaien’s become exhausted with his illustrious career as the Ten Thousand Slayer. He’s more like a pureblood than a human, and his comrades begin to pull away from him thanks to that. Kaien also begins to sympathize more with the purebloods than he does with the hunters. 

The academy is an idea he cooked up to help create a better world for Juri. Unfortunately it isn’t something she can take advantage of--she’s an adult woman who finished her school days long ago. But the focus is on the idea of a bright future and her encouragement of his plan.

It’s interesting that he admits the results weren’t all that great, even though he did manage to plant a bit of a seed toward that future. His academy was an abysmal failure and his methods brought no peace at all, but he did provide the environment for the next generation to begin building on the ruins of what he’d attempted. It will not be his generation who saves the future, but Zero’s, Aidou’s, and Yuuki’s. Out with the old, in with the new. 

Though his accomplishments are meager, he seems content with them, and that’s probably as good as he deserves. 

On Kaien vs. Kaname Anti-Mirrors - Interference vs. Acceptance

A few interesting similarities between Kaien and Kaname cropped up this chapter. The similarities weren’t too intense, but they were there.

Kaien, like Kaname, began to see life as dull and gray and ashen. He, like Kaname, wanted to do away with himself. Like Kaname, he was saved by the bright personality of a Kuran woman. 

However, the two men differ in a very significant way which the chapter highlights. Kaien watched Haruka and Juri, and although he wished for Juri’s love, instead of choosing to interfere between them, he chose to search for a way he could help both of them be happy and free them of their burdens.

Kaname, on the other hand, watched Zero and Yuuki together and tried to take what Yuuki gave freely to Zero for himself. He interfered with Zero and Yuuki’s natural trajectory and did everything in his power to derail it from its inevitable course. He chose to add to their suffering, and even in his final moments he wasn’t able to truly free either of them. Kaname is in this sense much closer to Rido than to Kaien, despite him and Kaien having similar beginnings.

On Kaien vs. Zero Anti-Mirrors - The Failed Savior vs. The Vampire Knight

Now this was an incredibly pleasant surprise! For a chapter with so little substance, to find this nugget was a real pleasure.

Throughout the chapter, Hino places small hints that Kaien’s and Zero’s trajectories are meant to be compared. They’re not parallel trajectories because Zero corrects Kaien’s mistakes and is meant to succeed where Kaien failed.

In the chapter, it’s made clear that Kaien falls under the spell of the pureblood lifestyle and forgets himself. He loses touch with what’s important to the hunters, and loses their confidence. They grow distant from him and no longer connect with him. 

Then we switch to the present and we see the exact opposite going on with Zero. Zero has not forgotten who he is and what he stands for--although he tolerates and accepts vampires, he is still first and foremost focused on the good of humanity. His hunters respect him and joke with him--a sign of a good superior is when subordinates feel they can tease them. Although Zero himself is a vampire and is dating a pureblood, his subordinates are not suspicious of where his loyalties lie, unlike Kaien. Zero is a healthier person than Kaien, in spite of all his losses in life, and this more grounded nature of his enables him to succeed within both the hunter and vampire circles.

Moreover, in the past Kaien has a significant scene where he watches Haruka and Juri and compares them to birds drenched in the rain who have lost something important. His heart goes out to them, and he recognizes in them the same loneliness he has in himself. He decides he wants to save them from their burdens. Unfortunately, Kaien fails because Haruka and Juri die long before his academy can bear any fruit. His purpose and meaning and the people he wanted to save vanish at the same time, leaving him unable to save anyone. Hino highlights this with the color spread--Kaien is outside the deep dark forest, trying to reach in to his friends. They both look at him, but ultimately cannot join him. 

This was such a great find for me, because it implies that Zero will succeed where Kaname failed. I’ve reiterated several times that I believe Zero failed as the Vampire Knight in the original series. He was meant to save his birds who forgot the song of happiness--Kaname and Yuuki. But he failed thanks to not recognizing his duty soon enough and to Yuuki’s memory wipe. As such, his burden to save the two of them has been shifted to VKM. Unlike Kaien, though, Zero wants to make a better world for Ai, not just Yuuki. Zero is working for the future deliberately, not for the present. This is a completely different perspective than Kaien’s, and it will allow Zero to flourish and to achieve his goals where Kaien couldn’t. 

I firmly believe by the end of the story Zero will succeed where Kaien failed and save not only Yuuki and the world at large but also Kaname. Zero is the seed Kaien planted without knowing it, and the one who--through assisting with the cure, encouraging cooperation between the vampires and hunters, never forgetting himself or his duty, making the world a better place for Ai, and leaving his fragment to help Yuuki with Kaname--will bring forth the “bright future” Juri wished for her daughter and shine a light on the deep dark forest at last. Only Zero can do this, and I have faith in him to take on the responsibility at last!

On Haruka & Juri - The Birds Whose Happiness Went Extinct

I won’t dwell on the parallels between Haruka/Juri and the pairings. I’m honestly in the camp that believes the real Haruka and Juri were more akin to Kaname and Yuuki, and that the idealized Haruka and Juri that Yuuki wished for are what’s akin to Zero and Yuuki. But I really have no stake in the game, so whatever floats people’s boats.

However, there are some callbacks and interesting points I’d like to explore with these two.

For one, there’s a lot of emphasis placed on how purebloods lose their ability to find happiness as they age and as the duties placed on them increase. Honestly, I’m of the opinion that this is thanks to purebloods refusing to accept their duties and constantly running away from their responsibilities, but Hino wants us to pity them, so pity them we shall by god. I’ve never in my life felt bad for her purebloods--they’re all rich, wealthy, and beautiful. They all create their own destruction because they’re selfish beings who don’t know how to do good in the world. Honestly, a great majority of their suffering is of their own making. 

Regardless, Hino uses Haruka and Juri to remind us of a couple of callbacks to Kaname and Yuuki. On the cover page of the chapter, she’s placed Haruka and Juri deep within the gnarled trees of the deep dark forest. Haruka and Juri, like Kaname and Yuuki after them, fell into the deep dark forest. Further, Haruka and Juri are compared to drenched birds clinging to each other in the rain, an image very similar to the “birds who have forgotten the song of happiness” Hino used for Kaname and Yuuki back in Night 91′s title. She goes further with Haruka and Juri to indicate that something has gone extinct within them--likely the love of life and the appreciation of its possibilities.

This all hints that Haruka and Juri’s “happiness” is the facade of two lonely people whose love isn’t enough to overcome their long lives and their responsibilities. My personal opinion has always been that this is because Juri doesn’t actually love Haruka--he was just the best of two bad options. After centuries together, she grew fond enough of him that he helps ease her loneliness, but I doubt he was her true love. (I don’t think any of her options were her true love, but that’s beside the point.)

I also found it interesting that Haruka and Juri do not seem to be placing Kaname’s happiness as a priority. Instead all their focus is on Yuuki. This places an extra meta burden on Yuuki as a character--she now has to find happiness not only for herself, but for her parents as well. She is their hope, and they died for that hope. It’s now even more imperative that she find her happiness with the man she chose--Zero. Baby steps!

What I find interesting is that Haruka and Juri’s wish for Yuuki led her directly to Zero, not Kaname. Their method for helping her find happiness delivered her right to just the right man for her. That cannot be a coincidence.

Interestingly, Kaien seems to have tried to subvert the true wish of Haruka and Juri--for Yuuki to find her own happiness--by trying to substitute Kaname and Yuuki for Haruka and Juri in his life. This may explain why he pushed Yuuki to Kaname and supported their reunions at the expense of Yuuki’s mental health and wellbeing and even preferences. It also explains why he wasn’t too keen on Zero and Yuuki as a couple. Kaien was invested in seeing Yuuki and Kaname find the happiness Haruka and Juri weren’t able to, but that wasn’t what Haruka and Juri wished for Yuuki. They wanted her to find a happiness and a bright future that could only be had within Kaien’s academy. A future with Kaname was not that future--a future with Kaname would have ended up the same way Haruka’s and Juri’s did. They didn’t wish a pureblood life of misery upon their daughter--they wished a life of light and joy. 

On Ichiou - Evil or Misunderstood?

Poor Ichiou. Hino wants us to hate him so badly she makes Haruka act all hostile to him, but the guy really doesn’t do anything bad this chapter. All he does is remind Haruka of the duties he’s shirking in order to play with Juri at things he shouldn’t be doing. I honestly feel for Ichiou; can you imagine how many unruly purebloods he has to deal with all the darn time? It’s no wonder he gets power hungry later--his job’s thankless!

I’m not the type to hate characters just because other characters hate them. I usually get suspicious when characters are painted as too over-the-top evil. No one is entirely evil. Ichiou probably got just tired of the purebloods and their childish ways and wanted at least a little something for his trouble. Bless the poor man. 

On the Screening - What the Future Holds

I suspect Kaien’s going to die before they can host the screening in his lifetime. I think that’s going to be something Yuuki picks up throughout the 900 years of her life, and she’ll add photos of everyone--including her happy life with Zero, Ai, and Ren. Likely Kaname will be the one who gets to watch this compilation of all his loved ones’ lives, maybe toward the end of the story after he’s come to terms with all he lost and never had and is ready to heal and move forward. 

Since Isaya mentioned that it’s good to have photos of your loved ones from happy times, this is an indicator that we’ll be getting a significant portion of our photos from the Zero/Ren/Ai days. It also implies that we’re not in the happy times yet, because no one’s been taking photos. (This also ties back to the very first cover from VKM 1, which was a huge stack of photos from the past.)

It would also be nice if we did get to have that amusement park date with Kaien, only Zero goes along and Kaien finally admits to himself that he was wrong to push Yuuki with Kaname--that she’d already found the perfect person for her. =P It’d be nice to see him recognize that Zero is the one who brings the joy out in Yuuki the way Haruka brought it out in Juri, since Kaien can’t seem to attach to anyone unless they remind him of Haruka and Juri. *sigh*

On Zero & Yuuki - The Return of the Public Masks

The time lapse between VKM 10 and 11 appears to be about a week or two. We have no idea what went down during that time, but clearly Zero and Yuuki haven’t broken up and are still together.

This chapter has some striking similarities to Night 50 from the original series. In that chapter, after the small 6-month time skip, we skipped ahead another 6 months to see Yuuki, Aidou, Kaname, and Aidou’s father have a small meeting. Yuuki and Kaname are pleasant to each other, showing none of the difficulties they have behind closed doors. Zero and Yuuki in VKM 11 remind me of that, though in a healthier way (Zero’s not encouraging Yuuki to kiss him or put on a show of affection for the guests). 

Still, I think it’s fairly clear that Zero and Yuuki in this chapter are in “public mode.” They’ve just gone around announcing to the world that they’re dating, so they need to keep up appearances, regardless of how things may or may not be proceeding behind closed doors. 

The preview for August’s chapter indicates there’s trouble in paradise as expected. Zero and Yuuki are good at hiding their true feelings in public, but this also may be a case where their genuine concern for Kaien makes them both “forget” their problems temporarily and allows their relationship to return to its natural flow when they’re not putting their issues in the foreground. 

Either way, it was truly a treasure to see them bickering cutely and acting like an old married couple. Zero chewing out his hunter boys was adorable too. It was a nice break from the storm that’s sure to come this way soon.

On Aidou - The Rising Winds

Hino makes sure to remind us at the tail end of the chapter that trouble is on the horizon. 

We now know Aidou hasn’t had a chance to test his Kaien theory yet. Whether he’ll get to or not remains a mystery, but next chapter’s preview implies Zero’s going to get involved in the research soon. All is proceeding according to plan for the Zero/Ren cure theories. ;D

Hino ending the chapter on a sad note is to prep us, I think, for what’s to come. Aidou’s going to be throwing himself into work, and likely Zero will be joining him as Yuuki finds more and more excuses to escape the demands of the relationship through the photo sorting for Kaien. 

It would be incredibly nice for Aidou to unload on Zero all the complaints us Zeki critics have with Zero and Yuuki’s progress. ;) If Aidou did that, I think I at least would feel much better about where Zero and Yuuki are currently as a couple. When the narrative faces the problems squarely, it’s easier to sit back and just enjoy the ride. 

It would be nice if next chapter could take us back into the future with Kaname. I’m still waiting to find out if my Zero fragment theory is even remotely possible, lol. Guess I have no choice but to keep waiting. In the meantime, full speed ahead with the Zero/Ren cures! Until next time!

[houseofshade22]

Hello, finalists! Here are all of the questions/statements the jury submitted!

RYAN:

A lot of people don't care about either of you guys. Some don't even wanna watch the video that was put up (including us) so a text version would be grrrreat.

Lexi and I don't feel close to either of you, might not even talk to any of you the rest of our lives. So like... why do you wanna win?

And most importantly, Chrissa you lied and said you'd keep us 30 minutes before the vote... which would have kept us in the game. And Kage/Nehe when I went to you Kage you literally didn't even reply... which is something you did often and we'd maybe talk every other day but as soon as I needed real help not even the deciency of saying you're saving your other ally. And according to Lexi she tried reaching out to you Nehe and got nothing in reply as well.

So like what the fuck is up, why'd you guys do that knowing we're going to jury?

DEBBIE:

Super proud of all 4 of you! Congrats. Chris & Chrissa, I like the chemistry between you.  But who really wore the pants here? Nehe, I thought your comeback was fantastic and appreciate how hard you played after that. Kage, where did you go?

TIMMY:

I have a question for Chris/Chrissa: Why did you flip on us and use the veto on Nehe/Kage saying you had no allies and that you still wouldn’t turn on us and Michael and then proceed to nominated both of our duos the following week? What purpose did it serve you backstabbing the other allies you claimed to have?

SAXON:

Hey Rats and Snakes! Lemme just start by NOT congratulating y'all for making it this far. No one in the jury likes any of y'all because in a season where we had 32 players, where a lot of them were legends and icons, we somehow ended up with you 4 as the finalists? I'm quite disgusted. Like to me it's a slap in the face to Owen and Ashley that in a season with a stacked cast, we're ending it like this with a mediocre ending. I sincerely thought the best of the best would make the final 2 but guess not. Nevermind that, here are my jury questions: For Chris and Chrissa, what benefit did y'all have by outright throwing anyone under the bus at any given time? Because it seems you've pissed off a lot of the jury with your lack of loyalty and method of being fake. And for your information Chris, I actually do still hate you from what happened in Bermuda and I will still hold it against you until you learn to control yourself and not screw people over because your dick took up the vacancy that was your peanut sized brain. Chrissa....I got nothing. And for Kage and Nehe, y'know in a season for duos, it's beyond me that the duo that hated eachother's guts made it to the end. Kage you spent the majority of the game sitting on your ass and bullying Nehe to no end where a lot of us felt bad for Nehe which is apparently a hard thing for someone to feel sympathy for a snake. Nehe, you said Alyssa and I weren't threats yet chose to evict us, so which is it? Because we were up against the biggest floaters this game and yet went home. To me, it seems like you just did what you did the whole game, took the cowards way out. Anyways I'm not gonna bother reading your statements because I just took one glimpse and what y'all spouted out was just cow shit. So moo moo bitch. Time to pick the less worse of two underwhelming villains

ALYSSA:

Best of luck to you both <3 convince me you deserve to win, cuz the entire jury’s kinda with Saxon xoxo

MONTY:

Hello everyone.

I would like to start off by saying after being on jury for all of a day one thing is very clear. Most jurors will not be voting a winner. Instead, they will be voting against the person they can't bare to see win, the person they are casting their vote for just happens to be the other option in this situation. TLDR, nobody wants either of you to win.

Now for the question part of my question. This is a DUO season. Me n Billiam are a duo, born in this series and will probably die together in this series. There is no denying that us, and most people on the jury, worked TOGETHER, in EQUAL parts, through this game. That can't be said for either of you. I want to cast my vote for the best DUO to win the duo season, so my questions are specifically for Kage and Chrissa. Nehe and Chris shut up challenge (I know it can be hard for both of you (said to Nehe with love)).

Kage, can you truly say that you were a duo when all you did for the second half of the game was trash Nehemiah and throw him under the bus every chance you got? Should a duo that rarely worked together win a duo season?

Chrissa, where were you? You died halfway through the game and that sucks because you are easily the more likable out of your duo. Should a duo where only one person showed up to play win?

Thank you again, may the worse player lose!

also, owen, if theres anyway that these answers could be screenshots of the messages sent back by kage and chrissa, that'd be great

just so that i know chris and nehe didnt answer for them and pass it off as their own answers

DAN:

Unlike one of y’all, we are people of our word. We promised one pair that we would make sure they lost at final 2 so we’re doing our part to make that happen. Our vote is decided and there’s nothing anyone can say or do to change it. Call us bitter, call us annoying, justify it however you need. One of you played the worst game we’ve ever seen to get to the end, and we refuse to allow this season to be wasted on such a horrible duo. You know who you are.

There you have it! Both finalists, please submit your answers to the above questions by Sunday, February 24 at NOON EST. If you answer all early I can probably post early, but I’ll be home late tomorrow night. Good luck!