#really the pain is going to be going through the finished 1st draft with my 'additional notes

[ruindunburnit]

I've decided to do NaNoWriMo this year (and for the first time ever) to make sure I finish the Knitwear Club 1st draft before the end of the year, so naturally I'm focussed on doing as much as I can of it two months ahead!

[sxcret-garden]

Aspects of Desire ღ Masterlist [M]

ღ Ateez Jongho x fem!reader ღ feat.: other members in some chapters ღ words: ~29k (current wc) ღ genre: established relationship, college AU, fluff, some humor, slice of life, smut (dom!Jongho, mostly sub!reader, BDSM, red-yellow-green used as safe words, choking, spanking, masturbation, punishment, orgasm denial, reader being tied up, strength kink, body worship, teasing, degradation, begging, hair-pulling, pain kink, reader going into subspace, dacryphilia, thigh riding, fingering, handjobs, oral, unprotected sex,... they have a few starting difficulties because reader has some misconceptions, he's veryvery careful at first - more will be added and I'm pretty sure I forgot smth, so detailed smut descriptions can be found in the respective chapters~) ღ warnings: heavy dom-sub dynamic, reader has a bit of a difficult relationship with her family, which is mentioned in some chapters, (descriptions of him picking reader up & touching her hair)

Desc.: When one day you reveal something to your boyfriend that you've been hiding, but unable to stop thinking about, the two of you decide to take your relationship - and especially your sex life - into a new direction. You begin to establish a dynamic that you both soon want to explore more of, diving into the depths of both your own and your partner's unknown desires.

If you want to be added to my taglist for this fic, please send me an ask about it <3

1st Desire ღ Testing Limits (5.9k) Desc.: You and your boyfriend decide to take a step towards a new chapter in your relationship when a secret desire of yours finally slips through. What you didn’t know until now is that he’s more experienced than you thought he was, and that you’re not the only one who’s been dying to spice up your sex life.

2nd Desire ღ Tie Me Down (5.1k) Desc.: Lost in your excitement over the recent development in your relationship with your boyfriend Jongho, you try to tickle more of his dominant side out of him. When he shuts down that attempt with only the best of intentions, he makes sure you won’t stay flustered by your miscalculation for long.

3rd Desire ღ A Little Jealousy (4.8k) Desc.: When you’re meeting up with your classmate and friend Yeosang in order to finally finish that dreaded uni project that’s been keeping you on edge for the past weeks, you don’t expect him to bring along his flirtatious friend Wooyoung. What you also don’t expect is said friend knowingly attempting to flirt with you in front of your boyfriend, who just can’t help but let the hint of jealousy it makes him feel influence his actions once you’re in the comfort of your own home.

4th Desire ღ Hush, My Dear (5.8k) Desc.: Dinner with your family goes about as you expected - you’re slightly uncomfortable because of their choices in conversation topics and very much bored. Luckily, your boyfriend tagged along and knows just how to make you feel better, and in the process he too seems to be able to finally let go of his worries.

5th Desire ღ Dress (7.2k) Desc.: Your mother is trying to get you to wear a dress she picked out for you for your cousin’s upcoming wedding. At times like these you are especially thankful to have your boyfriend Jongho right by your side to help convince her to let you wear clothes you’re actually comfortable in. However, little do you know that despite having your back, he’s secretly smitten with the image of you in that dress.

6th Desire ღ ...

...

Author's note: I think it's been about 3 years since I first had a vague idea about wanting to write a fic like this, which started out as merely a cute slice of life fic (without all the filth y'all are about to witness lol), went through many different changes and was abandoned as many times, until through lots of inspiration and ideas it finally took on the form it has now. And I'm really happy that I was finally able to turn it into an actual fic and not just a few unfinished drafts! I hope you guys have fun with this and enjoy~

(more chapters will be added as they're ready - and i have a lot of ideas...)

[cg29]

Fanfiction 21 Q&A Tag Game.

Answer the 21 questions then tag anyone who’s fics you’d like to know more about.

1. What fandoms have you written for?

Apart from 1 fic all of mine are Thunderbirds.

2. How many works do you have on AO3 &/or FFNet?

I’ve 21 on A03 & 22 on FFNet. The extra fic that’s not currently on A03 is a short I wrote many years ago set in the OZ universe. Plus - 47+ mini fics in my Pic & Mix collection.

3. What are your top 3 fics by kudos on A03 &/or Favs on FFNet?

A03 Kudos:

93 - Virgil Drabbles.

79 - Pick & Mix.

70 - Gone.

FFNet Favs:

50 - Gone.

22 - Virgil Drabbles.

21 - Pick & Mix.

4. Which 3 fics have the least kudos & Favs?

A03:

6 Kudos - Birthday Wish.

7 Kudos- Moving on. Episode TAG Flame Out.

8 Kudos- Scayo. Episode TAG HyperSpeed / Bring on the Fluff

FFNet: only including TAG fics.

1 Fav - Bring on the Fluff.

2 Fav- The Games.

3 Fav - The retribution of Scott Tracy.

5. Which Fic has the most comments and which has the least?

A03 Comment Threads:

Gone, 72.

Scayo Episode TAG for Hyperspeed, 0 comments.

FFNet: Only inc TAG.

Gone, 347.

Scayo Episode TAG for Hyperspeed, 2.

6. Which complete fic do you wish had gotten more attention?

Moving on, episode TAG Flame Out. A fic explanation for Grandma Tracy’s 8 episode absence until her hysterical return in Flame Out.

7. Have you written any crossovers?

I’ve started 1 (only put 1 chapter up so far) a cross between Thunderbirds and Hunger Games.

8. What is the craziest fic you’ve written?

The retribution of Scott Tracy. I wrote the short crack fic while high on pain meds, and it shows! 😂

9. What’s the fic you’ve written with the saddest ending?

Definitely White Light: I was actually in a fairly good mood when it popped in to my head, but it was one of those that demanded I write it down. Finished it in one day, and personally (even though I cry whenever I read it) I think it’s one of the better shorts I’ve written.

10. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Considering how much angst it contains probably Gone.

11. What is your smuttiest fic?

The night of Anderbad, it’s set after the original series episode of the perils of Penelope and features some Virgil/Penny hotness.

12. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes, all were anonymously sent and are usually deleted and forgotten about. The two that have stuck in my mind were for The Tracy Family - apparently saying that I accepted prompts for future chapters meant I was stealing other peoples ideas and I was a rubbish writer who couldn’t come up with my own content. The other was for Bad Day, and they sent a homophobic rant because I wrote Virgil and Brains in a relationship.

13. What is the nicest comment you’ve received?

I love all my comments. I did receive a private message once on FFNet (which I kept until FFNet decided to delete it) saying that I was their favourite writer and they had read Gone multiple times. ☺️ I can’t remember who it was but the message helped me through so many ‘I’m crap at this’ moments and inspired me to write many more TAG fics.

14. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware.

15. How many fics do you have marked as incomplete?

I have 8 in total, also around 10 WIPS that I’ve only shared bits of on here. 😅

16. Which of the WIPS will most likely be finished first?

It will most likely be Reflections as I have the final 2 chapters planned out and a some in 1st draft stage.

17. Which WIP are you looking forward to finishing?

Avalanche. I’ve really enjoyed the challenge for this fic and personally think it’s one of my better multi-chapter stories. No idea when it will be complete. I was a little bit stumped with the next few chapters. I do know how it ends though.

18. Is there a WIP that you’re considering abandoning?

All the posted WIPS that I’ve put up should hopefully get completed at some point. I’m currently expecting The Games and Virgil Drabbles to be the last ones to be marked complete. However, there are a couple of fics I’ve only shared early chapters/snippets for on Tumblr which may unfortunately go no further - if I decide to leave them, then I might post as they are in my Pick & Mix collection or on their own.

19. Which complete fic would you consider rewriting?

I won’t rewrite it but I had considered Tracy Family. There are some bits I’ve cringed at when reading again, foreshadowing ideas I had after posting . I also had an idea for a part 2 but it would only work if I rewrote parts of it.

20. Which complete fic is your favourite?

Bad Day. This was a self-indulgent fic which included one of my favourite tropes, (repeating days) contained a heap of Virgil suffering lows and highs and although I’m no longer into the OBannon/John pairing some of my other favourite pairings are included.

21. What’s your total published word count?

According to A03 it’s 246722 😮

Tagging: @burningcowboyhoagietaco @gumnut-logic @janetm74 @psychoseal @womble1 and anyone else who’d like to join in.

[cassandraclare]

Chain of Gold publication

So this is my least favorite kind of announcement and the kind I try to avoid having to make. Unfortunately, the time has come where the situation has pretty much been decided for me. For most of my adult life, I've suffered from pretty severe endometriosis. It's a disease that affects ten percent of women. Lots of you may be familiar with it because of that. What a lot of people don't know is that there sometimes comes a point where the endo can no longer be controlled by hormonal drugs and surgery has to come into the picture. That's where I am right now. I really had hoped I could push through and finish Chain of Gold before I went into surgery. It's not a dangerous procedure, but it isn't a small one either. Unfortunately while I was on tour with Holly I was having more and more severe symptoms, and when I returned home I was having pain so bad that I was passing out. You guys may have noticed I haven't been online as much as usual since about February. My symptoms have been affecting my work, my energy (endometrosis can cause anemia because of internal bleeding) my ability to even get up and go downstairs. Going to Austin for the book signing I just did was a matter of a LOT of codeine (and more blood than I would have ideally liked in my airplane travel.) So to cut to the chase, I realized I wouldn't be able to make it another four months without surgery. Being in so much pain has a debilitating effect not just on me but on my work. It's hard to concentrate and painkillers can control the pain, but make me sleepy and unfocused. With the goal of both taking care of my health and being able to write the best books I can, I agreed along with my publisher that me going through surgery and recovery now was the only possible option, even though it does mean that Chain of Gold will have to be moved back. It will now be published 3/3/2020 — so in 11 months instead of seven. Lost Book of the White will now be published next year on September 1st, 2020. It's only four months, but I know it's disappointing and upsetting to hear. All I can say is that, in order to try to keep the wait from being too painful, I'll be releasing a free short story or piece of flash fiction from/about TLH and its characters every month starting in May of this year and ending in February of next year. (I had been hoping to do something like this anyway, but I wouldn’t have been able to definitely do them or do as many if the book publication date hadn’t changed.) Those who are on my mailing list will get the stories first —a few days later they'll be posted publicly for everyone. It's always hard when real-life considerations crash into the creative process. I already have a first draft of Chain that's in revisions and I can't wait for you to experience the story of James, Cordelia, Lucie, Matthew, Anna, and so many others. I also can't wait for you guys to join Magnus and Alec's new adventure in Lost Book of the White. In the meantime, hopefully you can be sustained by Red Scrolls, Ghosts of the Shadow Market (coming in June), and the short stories and teasers and fanart for Last Hours that I'm so looking forward to sharing with you! xoxo Cassie

[clocktower-fifty]

[3] Week 2 - Lots of Flowcharts

Wandering onto Week 2, starting to wonder if I’m getting in over my head, but we’re just going to have to wait and see!

On a personal note, I’ve had acquaintances hounding me all week to play Among Us with them... Guys I can’t make video games if I keep playing them :< Very fun, but very socially draining. I’ve also bought the Into the Spiderverse Art Book today, it makes me super pumped to work on a story idea I’ve had for a long time, but nooo, I gotta work on this game >:( So many fun distractions.

But you guys are here for Clock Tower 50, so here we go.

At the beginning of the week, I’ve taken that paper I made last week and put it all down on a Google Sheets file. Then, I’ve started ordering the rooms until I’ve made...

...This thing! The general blueprints of where each room is in the Clock Tower. I’ve made this using diagrams.net. I was a little apprehensive using this program, since I’ve tried it once to make a flowchart for a university computer science project and got frustrated, but I needed a quick and easy flowchart program and this one is free + online. It ended up being very simple to use this time around, so that’s nice!

As you can see, these rooms don’t make any sense space-wise, but we’re ignoring logic here. Each colour is a different floor, with the highest level on top in yellow and the lowest level at the bottom in green. Each rectangle is a room, there’s fifty rooms in total, hence Clock Tower Fifty :)

The game’s main “gameplay mechanic” is choosing which door to go through, and depending on their choices the story will shift ever so slightly.

A day or so after that, I drew some quick character mockups instead of paying attention to my Physics lecture:

(Ignore the weird turtle creature at the top left, that’s for one of my dream games which I can’t work on until I get more experience.)

Daphne is one of the teenagers (originally named Sofia in the previous post), and Reese is the player (originally named Charlie). I’ve also changed Gabbi’s name to Jasmine, which was actually her original name when I first thought up the plot (Tony [Reese], Skott [Samuel], Jasmine [Jasmine], Gabe [Travis], and Laura [Daphne]). Don’t worry at this stage I will stop changing the names. (At least in my notes until I redesign everyone.)

Speaking of designs, I really like Reese’s design that I doodled in my sketchbook. I like Daphne’s hair as well, but I feel like her design will probably see more work.

Anyway, in the previous post I forgot to share that pilot / piece of dialogue when I was first thinking up of the game. This was the draft for how the game was supposed to start...

...but I made that on September 1st, so I’m definitely not keeping most of this dialogue. (Travis/Gabe is also extremely out of character here.) We’ll see when I get there.

Alright enough meandering. From that flowchart/blueprints of the tower above I tried using the program Twine to plot out each choice the player can make.

The player starts off choosing between two doors. They have the choice of going through either door alone with the four other teenagers through the other door (2 choices), or they can go through either door with one person (8 more choices), or they can go through either door with two people (12 more choices), or they can go through either door with three.............

Let’s just say about an hour in I knew going through with that idea would be too insane, even for me. I was tired trying to plot out all the choices after the first door. So, I deleted that flowchart.

Time to downsize.

The first choice is made in the Observatory. The two choices are either the Aquarium room or the Space room. I decided to make the choices blend in together a bit more-- it doesn’t matter how you split up, but some split up scenarios would cause a different story. In this example, Samuel prefers the Space room and Jasmine prefers the Aquarium room. If you choose for them to be alone in the room they DON’T want, they get angry and that’d change the story. Daphne would not want to be alone period, and there’s also a branch if you choose for everyone to stick together, not splitting up. Five choices, that’s not so bad, I was thinking...

...Until it lead to this mess. If you look at the blueprint above, you can encounter the group you split off from if you choose correctly. That was on purpose, I like forced character interactions. However that leads to this problem-- if a character was split off from everyone in the previous room, what happens if they encounter the rest of the group again in the next next room? Depending on your choices, this can lead to all sorts of interpretations, and oof. There’s just so many storylines from there.

I attempted to shorten it by making bad endings (there’s a bad ending on the square with the red side), but looking at everything I know it’d take forever to complete this game. I do not have forever, I have dream games I want to make eventually. (Side note, I actually really like that bad ending, but I don’t know if I’d ever use it... If I never use it, I’ll probably tell you guys what that ending was supposed to be when the game is finished.)

Okay okay, back to the drawing board. 

It pains me to do this, but in order for this project to be doable, the player cannot choose which room their friends go to. They can only choose their own, or alternatively insist on everyone sticking together.

Okay I know this doesn’t look any better from afar, but trust me this is much more doable than the two previous attempts. Not only have I limited the choices drastically, but depending on the choices some paths would end up the same way.

While I personally hate doing that (what’s the point of choices if some choices would lead to the same ending??), I’m trying to keep to one rule-- each time you make a choice there will always be at least two paths. You cannot enter a room and have your choice be useless, i.e. no matter which door you choose it’s the same ending. This same ending must be conscious in a way.

As you can see from above, I’m not done with this flowchart. I’ve only done 12 rows out of the planned 26. (I would say I’m almost halfway there, but each row gets more and more complicated so I would say it’s more like I’m a quarter there, haha.)

I’m also debating on going with the bad ending thing, to cut off potential paths, but we’ll see.

Finally, to end this devlog, I’m trying out Todoist. I’ve never used that website before, but I think ending devlogs with a brief outline of my current workflow would be a cool idea? I put in some temporary dates of when I’m planning to finish certain tasks, but right away I can see that I’ll probably not make my planned January 18 release date, haha.

Next week, I should have the rough maps on RPG Maker, as well as finished the flowchart above.

Until next time!

- Marisol Cast

[alo-piss-trancy]

What Lurks in the Shadows (P/5 Omo Snippet #7)

((BIG BIG PLOT SPOILERS FOR P5 BELOW!!!!))

((This was going to be a 3 part omo whumpfest about Akira's time after captured by the police/Akechi. 1st chap would be his time in confinement w/Sae and then the car ride with her after escaping aka normal playthrough, 2nd was the Bad End w/Akechi which was going to be absolutely brutal, and THIS was Chapter 1.5 (took place directly after Sae's chapter which had 1 wetting. Makoto stays the night in leblanc to keep an eye on him since Sojiro and Sae can't. Akira is super fucked up from all the injected drugs, Tae's meds, and the trauma. Out of all my snippets this is the one I was most invested in and would love to finish if I ever had time/motivation.))

((Forgive the not-so-accurate injuries, I had planned to research and edit those to be more realistic/close to canon after the basic draft. Same with his paranoia it was gonna be more fleshed out.))

The haze of sleep had faded as he gradually became aware of the various signals coming from his body. His head was pounding... he wasn't sure how much was from the man's foot kicking into it when he'd first woken up in that cell, and how much was a side effect from the drugs still coursing through his veins. It was enough to make him feel nauseous, but the churning in his stomach was nothing compared to the sharp stinging every time he tried to breathe. His sides and back were killing him. 

Everything hurt… he just wanted to drift back off...

But there was one other thing he was aware of that would make that impossible. His bladder, heavy and aching badly enough that he had to squeeze his thighs together, huffing under his breath. Right. Normally he was fine during the night, but after what had happened earlier and all of the fluids he'd had to drink to combat the dehydration, he guessed it made sense that those muscles would be weaker than usual.

Licking his lips, he reached towards the nightstand, fumbling around for his glasses. His sides were screaming in response to the simple movement, but he finally managed to get his shaking fingers to grasp them. As soon as he put them on though, he swiftly wished he hadn't.

His vision was still bleary anyways from the sleepiness, but the slight bit of extra focus he gained made the darkness of his room seem much more threatening than it had been a few moments ago. It had been hazy before, but now he could make out sharp shadows and bulky figures, some of which he swore would move the moment he turned his head. He couldn't gain a clear image, but they were there, lurking in the edges of his vision, the briefest flashes of legs or arms, shined shoes, smug faces. Sharp teeth, inhuman masses, bloody necks without heads.

Shadows can't manifest here, can they?

Arsene. Arsene, can you hear me?

He couldn't sense the rush of unrestrained power, that rush of confidence and flair that let him know his Persona had come to the forefront of his mind. He couldn't feel anything but his heart beating faster, the tremble of his shoulders as he pulled his arms closer to his chest. 

Another flashing face out of the corner of his eyes and he was forced to clench them shut. How many of these things were there? Where were they coming from? Ow, sitting up like this really hurt... every inch of him hurt...

There's too much I'm trying to focus on... I can't think clearly enough to contact him…

Nibbling his lip as he squeezed his thighs together against his body's insistent nagging, he risked a glance towards the left side of the bed. Makoto was still lying there, sleeping peacefully. The sight was somehow both comforting and painfully lonely. Yes, it was nice to know someone else was here with him, but if they weren't actually awake to see the danger in the room...

But... she's always aware of things.  She's the one who triple-checked the door, and made sure both our phones were charging. If there was really an intruder here, she'd wake up immediately, right?

There's nothing here. There can't be. We're the only two things alive in here.

Those things that he was seeing... they must just be hallucinations. Terrifying, but not real. He fought monsters weekly anyways. He could handle a few spooky apparitions.

Taking a breath, he forced himself to look back at the rest of the room, his eyes straining to see what the strange forms and shadowed areas could be. Well, he knew some of the lumps by memory... the crafting table, and all of the junk on that one shelf...

I can feel my way through the rest.

But just as he started to work up the nerve to shift his legs, he caught sight of the door. The doorway, cloaked entirely in darkness, and leading the way down into a pitch-black café. The café everyone had been gathered in so shortly ago...

Someone could have seen Sae's car... And if Futaba had bugged the place once, surely the much more advanced resources the police had access to could do the same... They could have followed him here, and they could be waiting, right down there, and he'd come down and they'd pin him again, and he couldn't fight back, not like this, and they'd-

His breath quickening, he'd finally let himself lie back down, pulling the blanket over his head. He couldn't risk it, he couldn't go down there, not when there could be an ambush...

Just listen to yourself! You got away! You had that whole plan, and it worked, you know it worked! Makoto's here, Sae's on our side... you're safe here…

He knew he should trust logic. But... if there was the slightest chance that they could be here, that he could go through that hell again...

He could wake her, ask her to walk down with him...

But if he was right, then they might beat her, or drug her, or do something even worse, and he couldn't allow her to be put through that...

And if he was wrong, which was just as likely, then she'd just think he was wasting her time and being paranoid, and he was their leader, he was supposed to be confident and strong and totally not scared about the way their plan had gone, because if they knew he had doubts, they wouldn't focus, and then they might not be able to stop Shi-

I can't ask her. I can figure something out.

Well, he couldn't hold it until morning, and he definitely wasn't going to piss himself, so he'd just have to suck it up. Whatever was waiting down there, he'd just have to brave it. 

Just run down there, it'll take two minutes tops. You'll be back up here in no-time, and then you can go back to bed and sleep it all off.

He couldn't bring his legs or arms to move. They were just frozen in place, paralyzing fear running though his body. 

The pulses were getting stronger and stronger with every minute he stayed lying there, each steady throb forcing him to bite down on his lip harder, forcing his hand to squeeze his crotch tighter. He wanted to squirm around so badly, but he couldn't risk waking her. Squeezing his watery eyes shut, he rocked his hips a little, nearly rutting into his hand in a desperate effort to take the edge off. It wasn't helping, damn it, nothing was helping, it was just getting worse and worse...

It's just a room away, damn it! Just get up! All you have to do is get up!

He couldn't help moaning as another urgent spasm sent pain ramming through his abdomen, a slow trickle of warmth dripping out for a few seconds before it stopped, not enough to give him any relief at all. He was already in enough pain, and yet this hurt so badly...

Just slide off the fucking bed. The plant's right there, you don't even have to go downstairs. Just stand up and walk a few feet.

The dim noise of a dog barking outside assaulted his ears, and he clutched himself tighter, his crossed legs shaking as his bladder continued to spasm, waves of pain rolling through him as he fought to breathe quietly. He needed to go worse than he ever had in his life, and yet he was stuck laying on his side, panting into the pillow. He couldn't even work up the nerve to throw the covers back and sit up, knowing they were his only shield from everything else outside his protective bubble.

If I go out there, they're going to kill me... Akechi's going to be there with a gun, or they'll wrestle me to the ground and cuff me again first…

Another burst of warmth started streaming into his boxers, leaking through to wet his sweatpants. His face was blazing hot, sweat starting to drip along his skin, and he groaned, pressing his face harder into the pillow. He felt sick. It felt like the room was starting to spin, and he could barely find the strength to clench himself off before he leaked any more.

I can't piss myself again... I... I can't…

But I can't get up, not when they're right there…

It was too easy to hear the voices floating up from downstairs, those deep tones and firm orders, heartless, merciless. It was too easy to feel the sharp toe of a boot against his ribs, or the cold metal pressed against his head, the sting of more needles jabbing into his skin. He could taste the copper in his mouth, the warm heat bathing his tongue as he tried not to swallow mouthfuls of his own blood...

His entire abdomen was throbbing and pulsing, shudders running up and down his spine as he whimpered under his breath, squeezing as hard as he could against the burning in his crotch. The wet fabric rubbing against his skin kept teasing him, and little spurts kept slipping out to soak them further. 

Please... if I can just hold it until the sun comes up…

If he could just wait until Sojiro came in the morning... it would prove he was safe then...

A new jet shot out to flood his thighs with warmth, coming out so harshly that he had to bite down on his knuckles to muffle the gasp. When he breathed it caused the fabric to shift slightly, little dribbles of the liquid sliding around on his skin. He could feel every inch of his lower body throbbing, the stinging urge to release aching at the very edge of his member. Grinding against it wasn't doing anything to ease it anymore. If anything, it just made his need worse, forcing tiny leaks to drip out with the added pressure.

If I could at least slide off onto the floor, that'd be easier to-

Bang!

The click of a gun, aimed at his head as Akechi walked through the door, striding over to find him on the floor and helpless. 

The creatures were still flashing at the edges of his vision too, dancing around in the dark patches. One could easily be lurking under the bed, waiting to drag him under and rip him apart.

Another harsh burst started pouring into his pants, and he tightened the grip on his mouth, hoping to imprison the sob trying to escape. Sojiro was going to kill him for this.

I can't... I just can't...

No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't hold it anymore. It was gushing out now, heat drenching between his legs, his thighs, and pooling around his waist. The muffled hiss against fabric sounded way too loud in this room, and he squeezed shut teary eyes, praying nothing was attracted by the noise. It felt so good to go, but the relief only made him feel sicker, his stomach twisting into knots as he felt the blankets around him and the sheets below begin to soak into a pool. 

He was trying his best not to sniffle too loudly, nose running from the light smell that was trapped under the covers, but he felt the bed shift as what he dreaded most began to happen. Makoto was moving, starting to stir with a soft groan, and he was nowhere near finished.

Stop, please stop... please stop...

But no amount of shame was going to force his body to put itself in more pain just to spare his feelings, and he could only lay there in dull fear as urine kept gushing out of him.

"What... What time is it?" It was the softest of slurred voices, but he still flinched as Makoto sat up. She was probably rubbing at her eyes, but he wasn't about to risk making eye contact to check. No, he was keeping his eyes firmly closed, doing his best to try and shut out whatever visual horrors lurked around him.

"Why is... The bed feels..." His breath hitched despite his best efforts, fresh pain shooting through his chest, and that was enough to awaken her more fully. "Akira? Akira, are you crying?"

He didn't answer, trying his best to keep quiet even though it was impossible. His breathing was becoming more ragged as his nerves and the pain caused by them set in, and a few of those shameful tears were sliding down his face. He couldn't wipe them with both hands busy.

"Akira?"

((He's ashamed, but is still too panicked by everything else to be too upset about the actual wetting. She's very gentle when she comforts him, listens to why he couldn't leave. ))

((when she finally helps him move to sit in the floor, he's in agony from his injuries and still dizzy from the drugs.))

"You're wet..." She yanked her hand back from where she'd been touching him, squinting in vain as she tried to inspect her skin in the dim glow of moonlight. "You shouldn't be wet there."

"Sorry... it was kind of a lot, so..."

She shook her head quickly. "No, it can't have been that, it's too high up. Let me see your shirt." 

Before he could protest, she reached out to grasp the edges, tugging the cloth up until it was just below his armpits. He shuddered, both from the pain of having to keep his arms stretched up out of the way, and because of the chilly air hitting his skin.

"Akira, you're bleeding!" The moment her fingers stroked the bandaged area (light as her touch was) he flinched, gasping and gritting his teeth to try and trap a mewl of pain. 

"Oh, sorry, I'm so sorry! That's near where your ribs were broken... I'm going to have to change your bandages though, and get another look at that wound. I think all of your moving earlier pulled open the scab."

((takes him downstairs to clean up in the bathroom, washes him very carefully and avoids his privates. He hates that she has to see his injuries in full, but has no choice.))

((after he gets re-bandaged, she quietly suggests he wait in the booth while she fixes him a snack because he didn't eat earlier (he chooses to hide out in the bathroom instead, still paranoid about the door. She agrees to stay in there with him) ))

((At one point while they're downstairs, Morgana and him make brief eye contact through the shop window. Mona desperately wants to come in and comfort him, but Akira signals for him to stay outside like they originally planned. Mona knows the best way to help Akira is to stand guard seriously, even if his heart is being torn to pieces seeing what a wreck his best friend is...))

~~~

"I told you, I'm really not hungry..."

"Just some light broth, and a few noodles. I'll go fix it, stay in here and rest until I come get you."

((when she comes with his food and some light pain meds, he sees her eyes are bloodshot and puffy. She's been bawling in the kitchen, but forces herself to be calm for his sake.))

((they can't do laundry for the bed at 4am, so she fetches some clean blankets from the closet and they lay bundled up on the floor ))

((makoto tries to comfort him with sympathetic story of Kaneshiro's harassment and calls, when she was terrified he was going to break into her house and how she dealt with the paranoia to keep from breaking down since she couldn't tell anyone.))

((More angst fluff and both trying to hide their emotional anguish from each other as they fall asleep huddled on cold tile bc I am nothing if not a cruel bitch))

[black-stairs03]

You guys!!! Cassie is sick, she needs an operation. I hope she recovers soon😣. Here’s her emailer -

So this is my least favorite kind of announcement and the kind I try to avoid having to make. Unfortunately, the time has come where the situation has pretty much been decided for me.

For most of my adult life, I've suffered from pretty severe endometriosis. It's a disease that affects ten percent of women. Lots of you may be familiar with it because of that. What a lot of people don't know is that there sometimes comes a point where the endo can no longer be controlled by hormonal drugs and surgery has to come into the picture. That's where I am right now.

I really had hoped I could push through and finish Chain of Gold before I went into surgery. It's not a dangerous procedure, but it isn't a small one either. Unfortunately while I was on tour with Holly I was having more and more severe symptoms, and when I returned home I was having pain so bad that I was passing out. You guys may have noticed I haven't been online as much as usual since about February. My symptoms have been affecting my work, my energy (endometrosis can cause anemia because of internal bleeding) my ability to even get up and go downstairs. Going to Austin for the book signing I just did was a matter of a LOT of codeine (and more blood than I would have ideally liked in my airplane travel.)

So to cut to the chase, I realized I wouldn't be able to make it another four months without surgery. Being in so much pain has a debilitating effect not just on me but on my work. It's hard to concentrate and painkillers can control the pain, but make me sleepy and unfocused. With the goal of both taking care of my health and being able to write the best books I can, I agreed along with my publisher that me going through surgery and recovery now was the only possible option, even though it does mean that Chain of Gold will have to be moved back. It will now be published 3/3/2020 — so in 11 months instead of seven.

Lost Book of the White will now be published next year on September 1st, 2020.

It's only four months, but I know it's disappointing and upsetting to hear. All I can say is that, in order to try to keep the wait from being too painful, I'll be releasing a free short story or piece of flash fiction from/about TLH and its characters every month starting in May of this year and ending in February of next year. Those who are on my mailing list will get the stories first —a few days later they'll be posted publicly for everyone.

It's always hard when real-life considerations crash into the creative process. I already have a first draft of Chain that's in revisions and I can't wait for you to experience the story of James, Cordelia, Lucie, Matthew, Anna, and so many others. I also can't wait for you guys to join Magnus and Alec's new adventure in Lost Book of the White. In the meantime, hopefully you can be sustained by Red Scrolls, Ghosts of the Shadow Market (coming in June), and the short stories and teasers and fanart for Last Hours that I'm so looking forward to sharing with you!

xoxo

Cassie

[lesbeet]

ok so i spent yesterday re-outlining the fic now that i've finished the first draft, and now it's on a spreadsheet by scene w like numbers and dates and a box that says "things that must be included" and another that says "necessary because" and if i couldn't think of a reason for something, i had to delete it djsksksk

so today i officially started the 2nd draft, and i didn't know how to go about it bc the idea of rewriting the whole thing sounded painful but i knew i was gonna wanna rewrite most of it anyway, and i was worried that if i copied and pasted too much stuff over i would cement myself into writing choices that i didn't actually want to stick with

so i today i wrote w the scene list and the first draft both open in different tabs from the second draft, and i guess what i'm gonna do (or at least what this is what i did today) is rewrite, but also look through the 1st draft to see if there's anything i do actually want to keep.

i didn't write quite at the pace of the first draft bc i wanted to take a little more care w this one, but i tried to keep a handle on my inner copy-editor, bc really what i want to be working on right now is big structural stuff, and like re-working things that have to change in order to match changes i made later in the 1st draft, if that makes sense? (like if i changed stuff that created inconsistencies in the parts that came before, i didn't go back and change them, so i'm doing it now, since ive finalized exactly how i want those changes to work), so i ended up w a little less than 5k words, a small portion of which was copied straight from draft 1, but i'm talking like maybe 500-600 words tops. the rest i rewrote, and i ended up making it way more concise and just generally better (hopefully)

so ig i'm just gonna do it like that? unless i find that something else works better

IDEALLY (and this is supes unlikely) i'd love to have this one done before nov 1 so i can jump right into nanowrimo and give the fic a break in the meantime, so i can come back for draft 3 with fresh eyes

i really don't want to take that break in the middle of the draft so like it's kinda just, if i don't finish draft 2 by halloween, i'm not doing nanowrimo (which is like. fine bc i don't have any fleshed out ideas yet really, or at least not any that i'm excited about, it's just that now that ive been training myself to pound out a ton of words every day i think it'd be cool to actually do it and have a draft of an original fiction work that i can go back to when this fic is done (but probably not until after i student-teach. like my ultimate goal for the fic is to get it done and posted before january lol)

anyway nobody cares i'm just excited :) and proud of myself!!

[an-oger-in-the-wild]

Children Shouldn’t Play with Undead Things

So here’s a fun little team-building exercise I threw at three of my PCs who met a couple in-game days before the official start of the campaign / meeting of the rest of the PCs. The summary? Three unlikely people meet on a coastal beach and end up hanging out in a coastal town’s tavern, chatting the night away, until they - along with the other patrons of the tavern - start getting attacked by an unknown and unseen source: a poltergeist. The three PCs in question consisted of an aasimar warlock, a half-orc cleric, and a wood-elf druid, so some really cool and interesting social and debuff spells (like Detect Evil and Good, Faerie Fire, and Message to name a few) were available for use that didn’t have to be damage-focused, teaching the group early that you don’t necessarily have to only have combat spells equipped in order to overcome obstacles or solve problems.

If you’d like to use this encounter for your 1st, 2nd, or even 3rd level (like my group was) party, you’ll want to be sure to lay a good foundation of visual descriptions - little things that are actually Easter eggs for the party to remember later, realizing that they were actually clues.

QUEST LEAD:  This encounter takes place in a small tavern called Bottles & Drafts.  You can read this little block of text to introduce your characters to the first NPC in this encounter; or, alternatively, you can use your own tavern or NPC if you already have a place in mind:

You see, as you enter, a pleasantly-lit tavern, complete with a small hearth, two long tables, three smaller round tables, and a neatly-kept bar with stools. Looking around, you notice that the dining area is rather saddlery-themed with things like horseshoes, halters, and old bridles hung on the wall for décor, befitting of the inn’s adjoining stables out back.  Near an entryway to a hall at the far end of the room, you see a physically imposing grayish/green-skinned woman - about 6' 1" - with short, chipped tusks protruding from her lips.  She wears a brown tank top with olive-colored cotton pants, and her light-brown hair is kept short on top and shaved close on the sides.  She's standing on a small ladder, hanging a new item on the wall: a black leather horse whip (or some might call it a crop).  She's mounting it to the wall as best she can, but it keeps falling off the wall each time she gets off the ladder, making her visibly frustrated as she repeats the process three times in the time it takes you to find a seat.

This is Jacoba, a half-orc (use stat block of berserker) - she owns the inn, Bottles & Drafts (named thus as your adventurers can both purchase a night’s stay there or take a trip around back to its stables to purchase a mount, such as a draft or riding horse). Today, your party happens to walk in on her hanging a whip...little do they know that this is the item to which the poltergeist has attached itself. 

Part 1: a Start to an Exciting Evening

Be sure the party knows they are not the only ones in the tavern!  Three other patrons sit in different areas of the inn (each to themselves):

Roberick Zemony, male human (looks visibly intoxicated)

Tawnel Ostoro, male half-elf (dressed in the uniform of the local guards)

Baerla Flaskbraids, female dwarf (has a small rabbit familiar with her)

While the party sits around conversing - probably around a meal or a few drinks - have some strange things happen as the evening approaches:

Random drinks sitting in front of patrons at the bar tip over onto their laps, soaking them.

Patrons go to sit in their chairs...but right before they sit down, the chair is just a little too far from them and they fall to the floor on their asses.

The whip will continue to fall off the wall, usually AT Jacoba as she walks by with a plate of food or a platter filled with drinks.  

She will eventually give up on trying to mount it and will make a scene as her barbarian temper gets the better of her: describe her as being close to raging mad over the “stupid whip,” picking it up (perhaps putting the strap in her mouth and gnawing at it for a moment) then violently whipping a vacant spot at the bar with it a few times before throwing the whip down the hallway and heading back behind the bar.

If the party tries to interact with Jacoba or ask her about the whip, she can explain that the décor is a collection of old pieces that have either been found by patrons who frequent the tavern or are left behind after a rental horse or carriage is returned.  This most recent piece was actually given to her earlier today by a tradesman who came through for a drink (while nothing more has to come of this mention, you could always develop this out into an extended quest).

With a good enough Charisma check, Jacoba may also tell the party what she knows about the other three patrons left in the tavern if they get inquisitive:

Roberick Zemony, male Human (nightly patron; commoner, middle-aged; "dad bod," thinning hair; lazy-sounding drunken voice)

Tawnel Ostoro, male half-elf guard (off-duty but still in his regalities; just got off his guard duty shift and likes to come up for a quick sip or two before he returns to the barracks for the evening; condescending)

Baerla Flaskbraids, female dwarf (a scout passing through on her way back to her guildhall north of here; just finished clearing out a pesky infestation of stirges and is staying the night before heading back in the morning)

Part 2: It Begins

Once it’s officially evening, the party sees Roberick get up to go to "water the flowers" (at which Jacoba threatens to kill him if he does).

As he stands to leave, the flames in the wall sconces all extinguish at once and the sound of Roberick screaming in pain and then moaning fills the room.          

          (HE DEAD, Y'ALL.)

Jacoba will quickly try to relight the sconces if no one casts a spell before this is done.

Once there is light, everyone will be able to see Roberick's dead body on the floor, a knife stuck in his chest.

If no one revives him, proceed to Part 3.

If someone casts Revivify or Speak with Dead, he won't know what hit him or killed him.

Part 3: a Murder Mystery

Before Tawnel (the half-elf guard) allows anyone to move, he will swiftly walk over to the door (the only exit) and bar it shut, stating that "no one will be leaving here until I find out who killed this man."

Investigation checks can begin to be made against the dead body (DC: 13).

On a success, they can tell from the angle of impact and the blood splatter that the attack had to have come from the direction of the bar and that the knife had to have been flung at him from a distance.

If investigating for magic, use the same DC for an Arcana check; however, no magical aura is detected around the body or the knife.

If spells like Detect Magic or Detect Evil and Good are cast, assume that the poltergeist will not be within the 30 foot radius in this one instance; after the party has made some good detective work headway though, feel free to reward smart casting by allowing the undead creature to “light up” as it were.  Those spells last 10 minutes unless dropped, so you can toy with them by having the poltergeist move in and out of the range of the spell occasionally.

Insight checks can be made against the NPCs for added intrigue if the characters are suspicious or on-edge:

Tawnel (the half-elf guard): this is probably the most exciting thing he's ever seen as a guard of a relatively uninteresting city, so he's hoping that getting to the bottom of this murder will help him climb the ladder of success

Alibi: he's "one of the good guys" and just wants to figure out what happened…he was sitting in the corner reading smut (but he won't want anyone to know that this is what he was reading).

Motive: everyone - including Tawnel - knows Roberick…he's the town drunk and tends to get into trouble when he drinks: Tawnel has arrested him on a couple occasions for indecency in front of children and found him no better than the dirt beneath his boots - Jacoba has heard him say before that “it would be a better world without Roberick in it.”

Baerla (the dwarf scout): has only been seen thus far to be talking to her rabbit...plus she has a longbow on her back and a sword at her side - seems strange enough to draw some attention, right?

Alibi: she knows no one here - why would she kill someone?...she was busy scrolling a message to send with her animal messenger (a rabbit) back to her guildhall to inform them of the completion of her job; her rabbit is "gone now though."

Motive: Roberick was being loud and obnoxious and (per Baerla) was making fun of her height earlier that evening.

Jacoba (the half-orc tavern owner / berserker): normal day, just got a new shipment of food today as well as a few new bridle materials, some new tankards, that kind of thing; a tradesman bartered with her for a new item for her tavern - the whip.  

Alibi: she was serving drinks when the lights went out and Roberick dropped dead.

Motive: Roberick was behind on his tab by several months - Tawnel knows that this has really been bothering Jacoba lately.

Part 4: Further Bloodshed

The poltergeist will become enraged by any light-based spells or by radiant damage (clerics and paladins BEWARE!).

It will also get increasingly angry if the whip is in any way touched or damaged.  If someone moves within 30 feet of the poltergeist’s area, it will become aggressive and throw things using its Telekinetic Thrust (+4 to hit, 2d4 bludgeoning or piercing damage, depending on the item); if they get reeeeally close, it will use its Forceful Slam attack (+4 to hit, reach 5 feet, 3d6 force damage).

NOTE: If you really want to freak the party out, try throwing them around with its Telekinetic Thrust by rolling a contested Strength (the PC) versus Charisma (the poltergeist) check to see if the undead creature can “hurl the target up to 30 feet in any direction, including upward,” causing 1d6 damage per 10 feet moved - I wouldn’t recommend this unless your group can handle these amounts of damage though - always playtest before playing!

Part 5: Reclaiming Serenity

There are a couple of ways this can go:

If you have a party who loves to get stuff done by way of combat, you can certainly take the most direct route by allowing them to work through the difficulties of waging war with a creature who never turns visible. As mentioned in my opening paragraph, debuff spells like Detect Evil and Good, Faerie Fire, or See Invisibility are great uses of spellcasting while in combat with an invisible creature.  Additionally, you may have a party member who thinks outside the box and has the idea to try to destroy the item to which the spirit is attached - this is a great idea! A low-level encounter like this is a nice way to condition your party for battles that cannot simply be won by hacking and slashing.

If you have a party or party member who wants to make the world a better place with a more passive approach, you could delve deeper into the backstory of the poltergeist, giving it a history that shaped it into a malevolent spirit. Use the whip as inspiration: did the whip belong to the spirit in its previous life? Was it sentimental? Does it need returned to someone in order for the spirit to find peace? Alternatively, does the whip have a darker connotation - was it a weapon used against the spirit in its former life? Is the spirit seeking an unattainable revenge on innocent victims?  Ponder these things and come up with a flexible and easily improved story in case you have a tenderhearted sorcerer or a righteous paladin with high charisma who want to try to reason with the undead creature.  Allow a series of Persuasion checks to convince the poltergeist that they don’t need to act violently or to help the undead creature to pass on into the next life: this can make for a really memorable role-playing moment that will change the normally black and white outlook most parties have on undead creatures.

Thanks for reading, guys!  If you like this post and would like to get more encounter idea inspiration like this one, let me know by asking to be included on my Enticing Encounters taglist!

[futurewriter2000]

Home ~ Part 1

A/N: Another one coming out. I’m sorry I keep writing new ones and not finishing the old ones but I’m trying to empty my drafts and this one is also kind of personal to me. It was not requested, just written when times get rough.

SUMMARY: Reader (Slytherin) has a lot of home problems but mostly hides it away, distancing herself from others. That is until one of the Marauders can’t ignore the unseen.

PAIRING: James Potter x reader

TAGS:  @shadyladyperfection, @nadinissavage, @geeksareunique, @loserslytherpuff,  @siriusly-loves-snuffles, @ashkuuuu, @xinyourdreamsx, @maralisa124 , @slither-in-a-half​

(REQUESTS ARE CLOSED)

XX

Every sound there was ever made in this house was the sound of yelling, shouting and screaming. It started in the morning where you couldn't sleep because your sister kept blasting music. She was smart, she wanted to silence it.

You? Well you simply had to wake up to either shouting or the music. To be honest you always preffered the music, even though it was the worst kind of them all.

Today was the day, wasn't it. The day before your last train to Hogwarts. Last day.

Were you happy? Yes.

Were you sad? Yes.

Were you torn? Definetly.

You were torn because you couldn't trust your sister to herself. You couldn't leave her alone. Not in this house at least.

"So? Last year." she smiled through the pain and sat down next to you. "I'll miss you. "

"Yeah...I don't think I'll be going." you mumbled, trying to avoid her gaze.

"What? Of course you'll be going." she argued, her smile turning into a frown.

"No. I can find a job and we can both find a place an-and then we'll finally be free." you smiled and took her hands, signalling her how serious you really were.

There was a small moment of hesitation before she finally stood up and looked down at you. "No. You're going. You are the only member in this family that has a good future ahead of her. You graduate Hogwarts and then we'll see about our little apartment we always talked about."

"But-"

"But I'll be fine. I waited 21 years, I can wait another one." she reasured and left the room.

"Oh, Hannah ! " you shouted and made her turn around.

You sent her a smile, a signature smile meaning only one thing. "Closing the door. Turning off the music!" she shouted behind closed doors.

"Thank you!"

---

You were already running down the stairs, the only thing missing was your jacket. "Dad! I'll be there in a second, I'm just grabbing my jacket." you shouted and walked into the living room, finding your jacket laid on the armchair next to the lamp. But it wasn't just the lamp that you saw. Your father was laying on the couch next to the armchair, long snores escaping his mouth. "Dad!" you shouted and walked over, shaking him by the shoulders.

He opened his eyes tiredly, blinking a few times at you before turning you his back and snuggling back into the blanket. "What?"

You put on your jacket and flipped your hair behind. "What are you doing? I'll miss the train."

"What do you mean?" he replied, still not bothering to get up.

"I mean you said you will drive me to the platform and yet here you are, undressed."

"Just tell your mother to drive you." he muttered and turned back around, pulling the blanket tighter around himself and taking another long snore.

"Un-freaking-believable." you sighed out and ran to the phone.

You couldn't call your mother, she always leaves in the morning. It was mostly because of your dad but you knew there was something so much more than that.

Hannah was at work and she definetly didn't have a drivers license.

There's only one more person left. Your cousin. You picked up the phone and started typing the number and he picked up immediately, letting you know he'll be there in 10.

As for your father. "You know I only asked for a ride and you couldn't even bother to care driving me to my first day in my last year of school. A father you are." you snapped harshly as you waited for your cousin.

His eyes immediately opened wide and he turned his head to you in a milisecond. "Oh and this is how you respect your father? The one who gave you a roof over your head and hot water running through the pipes?" he slowly stood up, dangerously approaching you.

"For all I care you are just another stranger in this house. I'd rather live under a bridge than here with you." you spoke boldly, finally after 18 years of life speaking your mind.

He was silent. Only his round, drunken eyes were staring back at you as if you have sinned.

"Isn't that what you always say? How we would be better off without you? How one day you are just going to leave us and live under a bridge for what you care?"

"Watch your mouth, girl." he tried to warn you but you only stood up from your chair.

"Go. You would be doing all of us a favor by doing that. But a coward as you are -"

The sentance was interrupted by a strong hand against your the cheek and a horrible pain spreading through your body.

" I am your father! You will respect me!" he bellowed and firmly gripped your hand.

You struggled your hand out of his grip, grabbing the trunk and walking towards the door. "Respect is earned, you prick." you sneered at him before shutting the door behind you.

-----

Last year. Finally. Nobody could be more excited than the four friends running down the train to their usual compartment.

"I'll become an auror! Fearless, strongest, feared by all the creatures!" shouted Sirius and stopped in front of the compartment. "Sirius Black, the auror. Sounds bloody brilliant." he beamed and looked at his friends.

"First you'll need to pass Herbology." smirked Remus and pushed pass him to open the compartment door.

"Oi! Last year was only one T. I fixed it immediately." he argued back and tried to push pass Remus as he stood right at the door step.

"Why aren't you moving?" wondered James as they both stood there like stone.

"There's a girl." spoke Remus, his eyes turning to James and back at the girl.

"So?" said James.

"She's sleeping." whispered Sirius and glanced at the sleeping girl in the compartment. Her hands under her head, her body covered with her jacket.

James finally pushed through Remus and fell right into the compartment. He turned his head towards the girl and knelt down. "I mean there is still enough space left." he looked up to the boys.

"I'm not sitting in the same compartment as her." spat Peter, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning at the girl.

"What? Why?" asked Remus, lifting an eyebrow at him.

"That's (y/n)(y/l/n). Muggleborn, Syltherin, weird." he replied. "She's always alone, always with a pack of letters in her hands. Spends most of her time in the owlery or library." he continued.

"It's just a compartment Wormy. Its our compartment. I'm meaning to take my last ride to Hogwarts in it just as I did my first. " replied James and sat on the seat in front of her. "Now you can either join me or go find some else a compartment."

----

You woke up to the sound of yelling, again. But it wasn't the one you usually wake up, no, it was the one full of laughter and positive vibes. It was something you weren't used to.

Slowly opening your eyes, you now faced three boys in the compartment, throwing jellybeans in their mouth.

The headache was still strong but you managed to sit up and know your surroundings.

"Good afternoon Sleeping Beauty." grinned the boy in black as he saw you slowly get up.

The boy sitting next to you only grinned, his hazel eyes looking at yours before noticing the red mark on your left cheek.  Their stares were clear and pitiful and you knew you were not about to deal with this right now.

Without saying a word you grabbed your jacket and your backpack, leaving the compartment of four.

----

' One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five-'

"Hey. I just-" he tried to speak but as soon as you heard his voice you turned around with a glare and boiled up rage.

"What the hell were you thinkinking, taking that compartment as you saw that it was already taken! If you see someone sleeping you don’t just join in and watch them sleep!" you snapped at him.

"Because-"

"You know what! Just leave me alone!" you didn't bother to give him a chance to speak before storming pass him and hoping to find a seat somewhere else.

----

There were laughs coming behind the door. The door that was decorated with yours and your dorm-mate’s drawings since 1st year.

“OH!” you heard a scoff behind the closed door. “You think I won’t do it?” she scoffed once again. “I will show you who can’t eat the whole two boxes of pizza by herself.”

You chuckled after hearing one of your closest friends being too ambitious again. Her mousy blonde hair always put in a tight yet messy ponytail completly matchnig her personality. A tomboy, with amazing taste in music just as in her style. She was the best out of them all. Fun, care-free, self-preserved, ambitious, bright, kind and with a dash of crazy. She was the only one not fraid to show her true colors.

Slightly opening the door, you peeked in the room and all heads turned to you. The girl’s smile turned into a wide beam and she imediatelly ran over to give you a big hug.

“(Y/N)!” she screamed as she walked over and almost knocked off your feet.

“Hey, Max.” you smiled and hugged her back. “Missed you too.”

She pulled away from the hug and her eyebrows immediately furrowed at you. “Where were you in the train?”

“Oh? yeah that...” you avoided her gaze and ran your fingers through your hair. “I wanted to get some rest, you know. ”

She frowned as the words left your lips. She knew about your situation back home and she knew why were you so exhausted all the time but through everything she heard from you she still had hope it would get better for you. “You know you could have always come to my place over the summer. Dear brother moved in with his girlfriend and there is a spare bedroom. “

You smiled at her and gave her another hug. “I would love to but you know I can’t leave my sister. Plus, watching you snog Regulus all summer, please.”

“We wouldn’t be snogging, we would simply just cuddle.” she started to defend herself.

“Oh, cuddle? Does cudling include putting your tounge down his throat?” commented one of your other roomates, her head popping out of the curtains of her own bed.

You chuckled to Max’ sudden change of color on her cheeks, wrapping an arm around her waist and leading her towards your other roomates. “ Come on. I need to tell you about my summer.”

-----

James was never the kind of guy who overthought about a stranger. The kind of person whose thoughts only revolved about that raging girl he met on the train.

She looked peaceful, so restful and soothing to watch this beautiful girl sleep next to him, pulling in some small snores as she snuggled closer to the jacket.

And he thought it would be okay. That she would wake up, smile at the three boys in the compartment and start befriending him.

It wasn't okay. It was far from okay because as soon as she stood up, showing the red mark across her cheek, he knew it wouldn't be pretty.

It was happening, just like it was happening with Sirius. When he came scratched and bruised the first time he ran away. It was a horrible scene and James felt  weak and useless that not a single thing couldn't have been done.

But Sirius was now happy. Stomping proudly before James, chest out, head high and a wide beam stretched across his face. And he did that. James did that.

But you. You couldn't get out of his head. For some odd reason you were able to push Lilly out of his thoughts and now, you were the only person he ever thought about. The only person he seemed to care the next few days.

"Woohoo!" whisteled Sirius, waving his hand in front of James and causing his eyes to flicker back to his. "You in love, Prongs?" he cooed.

"No. It's just that...don't you think about it. About what Wormy said, the red mark on her cheek, the sudden burst of anger..."

"It's not our place to interfere, Prongs." scolded Remus and started buttering his bread. "Besides she has a few friends. Maybe not much but I know the closest one is dating Regulus."

‘Regulus.’

One name and Sirius was gone. At the mention of his brother, Sirius smile quickly faded away. Upset as the name triggered the feeling of betrayal as if he he made a mistake leaving his home. Regulus was his best friend since he was brought to this world and now he has a girlfriend and Sirius is practically the last person to know. It's like he's missing out on so much with Regulus.

Remus noticed that they both were stuck in their own world. James was with his own thoughts as Sirius was with his, but one thing sure made them break from it soon enough.

"James." you spoke confidently through your shyness.

It wasn't normal for you to sound confident because usually your shyness got the best of you but once you had a goal in front of you, confidence was the least of your worries.

He turned around, his eyes turning wide as the sight of the girl who couldn't get out of his head stood in front of him, saying his name. A Slytherin, the ones he despises yet green has never looked better on any other house member.

"Uh-uhm." he blurted out, his tounge tied from the shocking appeareance of the girl who snapped at him few days ago.

Shyness was soon taking over the control of your brain fucntion since the moment his eyes landed on yours. But you shook your head, remembering the goal you set for today.

"I want to appologise for the way I acted on the train. I was childish and having a bad day and the compartment is free to anybody." you forced a laugh, trying to loosen up a bit. " I just don't want to be on bad terms with anyone, especially not because of my bad-temper." you finished and finally looked up at his gaze, which you tried to acoid most of the apology.

He was smiling. The boy was smiling and he kept this look in his eyes. A bit of joy and a bit of mischief but enough to confuse the hell out of you.

“Sooo...” you dragged the word with your voice, swaying your arms along with your feet.

“So.” he smiled at you, nose crinkling and standing up. “ I believe you will be forgiven on Friday ...” he looked up the ceiling, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before looking back at you. “Around 5pm.”

“ Are you asking me on a date?” you snort.

“ I believe I am. ”

“ Well then. I politely decline your offer because I don’t date.”

“A friendly hang out than.” he winked at you, getting on his feet and taking a few steps forward.

“ James Potter wanting to befriend a Slytherin. Odd.” you teased, narrowing your eyes at him.

“ Imagine how odd it must be to actually ask her on a date, like..” he lifted his left arm, twisting his wrist and looking at the time. “About two minutes ago.”

“  I just came to apologise for my act the other day not to score a date.” you simply stated, his grin seemingly to stretch even wider.

“So I believe that’s a yes?”

Wanting to reply to this foolish boy, you were soon interrupted by a familliar screech coming from afar, causing your gaze immediately to fall on your owl.

“Mail?”

“But it’s supper.” you heard one of his friend behind.

The owl dropped you the mail and Max ran to your side as soon as it landed. Giving her the package, you turned the envelope, reading the first two words in your sister’s handwritting.

‘ (y/n) (y/l/n). ‘ and as soon as your eyes scanned the name you looked up at James, giving him an apologetic look before turning your way towards the exit, your friend following right behind you.

“ Who gets mail on supper?” James heard Sirius wonder with a carrot in his mouth. “ Can’t it wait for the next day.”

“Must be important.” replied Remus, his eyes not bothering  to look away from the book laid in front of  him.

“ Something is not right.” added James as he continued to watch you leave the Hall.

----------

As soon as you entered the door, Max behind you quickly locked it and joined you on the bed. “I’m here, don’t worry.” she squeezed your shoulder. “Whenever you’re ready.”

And you ripped it away, your fingers slightly shaking, curious but not wanting to know.

‘ Dear sister,

I’m sorry to tell you this in a letter but I left. I left home, mom, dad and I left you too. I won’t be coming back, I just can’t.

Love, Hannah.

P.S: Don’t go looking for me. ‘

[joylee56]

Resistance Fighters

For the Rumbelle is Hope event a  ficlet within the Politics and Passion verse.  Prior stories can be found  - 1st story http://archiveofourown.org/works/10586475">  and 2nd story http://joylee56.tumblr.com/post/159482686863/courting-pleasure

(And if someone can explain to me why I can’t hide my freakin’ html code when I link I would be most appreciatve.)

She was slogging her way through the report from the Congressional Budget Office on its most recent iteration of Social Security projections when the personalized ring tone she had assigned to Rum rang.  

Ever since there had ceased to be a conflict of interest between Rumford Gold and herself because he had left his position as Chief Political Adviser to Senator Margaret Blanchard-Nolan and become a University Professor so as to be in a position to care for his little boy, she and he had been involved.  Between her hours on the Congressional and National News beat and his responsibilities as sole parent of a seven year old, however, their time together was stolen in bits and pieces when they could both sneak away for a few hours.

Which he had not been expecting to be able to do on Halloween.  It was Bae’s first Halloween in America and to say he was excited was understating it considerably.

“I’ll be glad to see November.”  Rum had confessed to her Saturday night over take out Chinese eaten in bed.  His sitter was only available until 11:00, so they were having one of their ‘stay in’ nights to take full advantage of what little time they had.  “The boy’s been able to talk about nothing but Halloween and trick or treat for the last two weeks.  I just hope the reality doesn’t disappoint him too badly.”

“It’s hard to be disappointed when possessed of a bag of chocolate.”  Belle had reassured him.  “Do you have his costume ready?”

“Aye.  There will not be a more authentically costumed Finn this side of Hollywood.” Gold smiled.  “All those amateur theatricals Aunt Maggie drafted me to help with the costuming on finally came in useful.  I had to promise the women at the fabric store I’d bring him by so they could see the finished version.”    

So she had not bee expecting to hear from Rum tonight.  “Hey, {honey, sweetie, some endearment} what’s up?”

“Belle?”  A small voice softly questioned.

“Bae?  Is that you?  Is something wrong?”  Belle started to save her work and clear off her desk.

“Papa’s leg hurts.”  The voice stayed soft.

“Does he need...” Belle was not sure what he might need.  Rum downplayed any trouble he might have with his leg, despite his use of a cane.  “… help?”

“He says that we can still go trick or treating, but he took a pain pill.”

“Okay...  Why are you whispering?”  Belle asked.

“So he can’t hear me.”  Clearly Bae thought this should have been self-evident to her.  “It’s bad for him to walk when his leg hurts.”

“So you don’t think he should take you out?”  Belle deduced.  “Do you want me to talk to him?”

“Could <i>you</i> take me?  Then Papa wouldn’t have to walk.”

“Uhm, I guess.” Belle was surprised.  She and Bae had not had that much interaction. Rum had been deliberately moving slowly on introducing her into Bae’s life.  There had been issues with his mother’s boyfriend that Rum was afraid might make him reluctant to accept his father’s new relationship.  

Except he had apparently decided to initiate contact all on his own.  “What time do you want me to come over?”

“Papa says we’re going to go right after supper.  Around six.”

“So I should get there a little before six.”  Belle added conspiratorially.  “I’ve got the perfect costume to go with Finn.  We’ll have a great time.”

5:45 found her ringing the doorbell of the Golds’ pink (Rum maintained it was salmon) Victorian.  She then dropped back a few steps and struck a pose.

Rum opened the door with a  “And what have we here… Belle?  Wow!”

He was considerably more excited by her appearance than a man having a blaster pointed at his chest should be.  Looking her up and down with interest, he took in her classic A New Hope Princess Leia costume, complete with the mouse ears hair style.  (The buns were a little small.  She had not had any extensions to pad them out.)  Grinning he raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.  “Don’t shoot, your Highness.”

“Just hand over the chocolate and no one needs to get hurt.”  She lower the blaster and grinned.

“You look fantastic.”  Rum told her.  Glancing back toward the entrance way, he leaned in and gave her a quick kiss.  “Not that I’m complaining, but to what do I owe pleasure?”

“Bae asked me to come trick or treat with him.”  She slipped her blaster strap over her shoulder to free up her hands and at his gesture proceeded Gold into the house.

“<i>Bae</i> asked you?”  

Keeping her voice low, she told him.  “He didn’t want you walking around with him while your leg hurts, so he called me and asked me to take him around tonight.”

As Rum blinked at her taking this in she added quickly.  “I’m happy to do it.  As you can see I’m all set for Halloween.”

“How did he...” Then he patted the pockets of his jacket.  Coming up empty he called up the stairs.  “Baden Neal Gold, come down here!”

The boy came dashing down the stairs.  “Belle!  You made it.  Oh, wow!  That’s perfect!  Finn and Leia!  We can...”

His father interrupted him.  “Bae, did you take my phone to call Belle?”

Bae pulled the phone from his pocket and silently handed it over.  

“Why, Bae?”

“I couldn’t use the landline without you hearing me.”  Bae explained reasonably.

Gold rubbed his face and sat down on the step.  “Why did you feel that you needed to call Belle to start with?”

Bae looked sheepish. “Cause I want to go all the way to Miss Ginger’s.  To show her my costume and all the kids say she gives out fudge to the kids she knows.  And that’s a long walk.  Your leg’s been bothering you all week.  If you walk that far it will only get worse.  Ava and Nicholas are going to trick or treat with their grandparents in Georgetown and Morraine’s family doesn’t do Halloween.  So I couldn’t ask them.  But Belle likes Star Wars too, so I thought maybe she could take me.”

“Come here, son.” Gold put an arm around the boy as he sat down next to him on the step.  “Bae, I’m the parent here.  It’s my job to look after you and that includes deciding what activities we can and cannot do. You do not need to worry and second guess whether I should do something.”

Except Rum had stretched out his leg as he was speaking as though to ease it.  Belle held back her comment.  It would not do for her to interfere with Gold’s parenting.

Besides Bae seemed prepared to argue her point for her.  “But sometimes you do try to do more than you should.  And teacher always says that we should take other people’s limitations into account.  And make accom… accom...”

“Accommodations.” Gold supplied.

“Yeah, accommodation for them.”  Bae nodded.  “Like getting books down off the high shelves for kids in wheel chairs and seeing if Belle would walk with me.  Cause your leg hurts when the weather is getting bad and Belle doesn’t mind walking and really likes Star Wars. See, she’s even got her own costume.”

“It’s no trouble.”  Belle put in quickly.  “It gives me an excuse to get in on the fun.”

“My point,” Gold sounded a bit put upon,  “Is that you need to know you can count on me to be there when you need me, Bae.  If I say I can do something I will do it.”

“Well, yeah.” Bae responded.  “You’re not Mum.  But that’s for big stuff that only you can do.  Like coming to get me when Mum decided to go do documentaries.  This is just trick-or-treating.  It doesn’t matter who I walk with.

“Uhm, not that Belle doesn’t matter.”  Bae hurriedly added.  “She’s cool.”

“And very thoughtful to offer to take you.”  Gold added in a meaningful tone.

“Thank you for being wiling to take me trick-or-treating, Belle.”  Bae told her.

He even managed to sound sincere, despite the prompting.  “You’re very welcome, Bae. I’m looking forward to it.”

“You’re sure this isn’t putting you out?”  Rum asked.

“Are you kidding? This saves me from a night of reading CBO projections on the Social Security Trust.  I’m thrilled.”

“All right.” Gold sighed.  “Since I’m outnumbered the two of you can go without me.  Now finish putting on your costume.”

As Bae ran back up the stairs, Rum looked up at her from his seat on the step.  “Do we need to talk about my ankle as well?”

Sitting down next to him she told him.  “I think it would be good at some point for you to go over with me what your limitations are and whatever meds you take just so I know, but it’s not something I’m concerned about.

“You do just fine with the physical activity I’m most interested in.”  She patted his thigh as she gave him a leer.

“So you just want me for my cock, huh?”  He glanced quickly up the stairs to make sure Bae was not within earshot.

“Well, not <i>just</i> for your cock.”  She snuggle in next to him.  “But it’s definitely a nice perk.”

They kissed for a moment.  Then reluctantly pulled back.  Rum checked the stairs again. “I don’t suppose we could just give the kid all the candy I bought for the trick-or-treaters, turn off the lights and stay home? Cause I <i> really</i> like that costume.”

“Were you one of those fanboys who fantasized over Princess Leia?”  She teased.

“She did factor into some of my more interesting dreams when I was thirteen or so.” Rum grinned at her.

“Play your cards right and I might be persuaded to let you rescue me some time.  But tonight we better keep it PG for Bae.”

“Aye.”  He sighed.  “Let me give you the addresses for the fabric store and Miss Ginger’s.  Start with those.  Despite his intentions I don’t know how far he’s actually going to be able make it tonight.”

“You should still put on your costume.  Bae will expect it even if you’re just handing out candy.”

“I already have.” He was wearing a Black Lives Matter tee shirt under one of his suit coats.  With a button reading ‘Net Neutrality Now!’.

“Okay.”  She was missing it.  “What are you supposed to be?”  

“I’m a member of the Resistance.”  He grinned.

Chuckling she said. “I should have gotten that.  Did you explain it to Bae?”

“Didn’t need to. I seem to be raising a political junkie.”

As it turned out Bae made it almost all the way through route he planned out.  It helped that Belle insisted on driving to the fabric store and Miss Ginger’s. The store clerks at the fabric store, dressed as the blue and green fairies from Sleeping Beauty, were effusive over Bae’s costume. “Rumford did a fantastic job.  Why if you didn’t know better you’d be certain those were real boots.”

As the blue fairy helped Bae to his choice from the candy bowl, the green one inquired of Belle,  “Did Rumford make your costume as well?”

“Uhm, no, I got this for a con awhile ago.”  Belle told her.

“This is Belle.” Bae remembered his manners now that he had a handful of chocolate. “She’s Papa’s girlfriend.”

“Lucky Belle.” The blue fairy smirked.

Back in the car Belle had to ask,  “Uh, Bae, did your father say I was his girlfriend?”

Which earned her a ‘grown ups are weird’ look.  “No, but you go out every Saturday.  Aren’t you his girlfriend?”

Points to the kid for deduction.  “You okay with that?  Your father said you didn’t like your Mum having a boyfriend.”

“I don’t like Mum having <i>Killian</i> for a boyfriend.”  Bae made a face.  “He pretends to be nice to me, but only to make Mum like him more.  Everything always has to be about him.

“You really listen when I talk to you.”  Bae went on.  “And don’t talk over my head when I’m around.

“You do like Papa, don’t you?”  He sounded worried.

“I like your Papa very much.”  Belle assured him.  “And I’d like us to be friends.  And not just cause your father isn’t going to have a girlfriend that you don’t like.”

So Belle was rather pleased when they got to Miss Ginger’s house and she was introduced as “My friend, Belle.”

Miss Ginger after expressing suitable appreciation of Bae’s costume, and by extension Belle’s, fed them homemade fudge and hot tea (herbal, caffeine was not apparently permitted within Miss Ginger’s Colonial) to fortify them for further trick or treating.  “And I’ve wrapped up some fudge for you to take home to your father.  Tell him if the damp continues to bother his leg I have a plaster that might help him.”

Fifteen blocks later, the plastic BB-8 that was holding Bae’s candy collection was two-thirds full and his steps were starting to lag even if his enthusiasm for getting more candy was not.  “Time to head for home I think.”  Belle told him.

“I guess.”  Bae agreed reluctantly.  “It’s a school night, and Papa said if trick-or=treating interfered with school tomorrow I wouldn’t be able to go next year.”

“We can hit a few houses on the way home.”  Belle promised him.

That perked him up. “Yeah, we need to stop at Emrys and Nimue’s so they can see my costume.”

Emrys proved to be a large, very good looking, black man, dressed in Finn’s Stormtrooper costume, who on seeing them on his porch announced,  “Hey, Finn, give me five, little bro!”

“Oh, that is a wonderful costume!”  A woman, presumably Nimue, dressed as Lt. Uhura cooed.

While the woman dropped several pieces of candy into Bae’s BB-8, Emrys introduced himself and his wife.  He told Belle proudly.  “We’re a mixed marriage.  Star Wars and Trek.  Where’s Gold?”

“We made him stay home to give his leg a rest.”  Belle told him.

“You have him call me if it’s really bothering him.”  Emrys told her.  “I don’t usually make house calls, but Gold’s doing parenting right.  World needs more little white boys who want to be Finn with Papa’s who encourage them.”

They were withing a block of the house when it started to rain.  A race to the porch kept either of them from getting too wet.

Gold welcomed them home with hot cider.  Which they sipped as they sorted through Bae’s candy haul.  On the whole the boy had done pretty well.

“The candy corn isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be.  But I don’t like these marshmallow filled things at all.”  Bae said.  “The chocolate bars are all good, even if there isn’t any toffee.”

“I don’t think Yanks care much for toffee.”  Belle told him.  “I never see it even in the sweet shops.”

“Time for you to get to bed.”  Gold told him “Your candy will still be here tomorrow.  Did you thank Belle for taking you trick or treating?”

“Thank you for going trick or treating with me, Belle.”  Bae came round and gave her a hug.  “It was fun.’

“Thank you for asking me.”  Belle told him.  “I don’t get to dress up often.

“And your Papa really likes my costume.”  She grinned at Gold.  Who in turn leered at her over Bae’s head.

Just then lightening flash nearby and thunder rocked the house.  Gold frowned.  “Storm’s getting worse.  I don’t think you should try to drive home any time soon.”

“Yeah, but I have work tomorrow.  That CBO report isn’t going to decipher itself.”

“How did a reporter of your stature get stuck with that story?”

“Cause I’m the only one my editor can trust to actually read the da… darn thing.” She told him.

Bae was not to be sidetracked.  “We get up early.  So you’d have plenty of time to get to work.  You could even stay for breakfast.  Papa makes really good eggs in a basket.  You can sleep with him.  It’s a big bed.”

There had been more crashes of thunder while they talked.  She was feeling less inclined to drive home, but thought Rum would feel uncomfortable sharing a bed with Bae in the house.  So Belle suggested.  “Or I could sleep on the couch.”

“It’s not a very comfortable couch.”  Rum said dryly.  He nodded at Bae.  “My objection was mainly worry about his reaction, but since he’s okay about it…”

“In that case I’d be delighted to stay for breakfast.”  Belle grinned, as Rum pushed Bae toward the stairs.  When she thought the boy was far enough away not to hear, she added.  “And Princess Leia might just need rescuing tonight by a brave resistance fighter.”

The End

[see-arcane]

Writing Tip: Fuck the Fucking Rough Draft

Quick reminder to my fellow scribblers out there: rough drafts are still fine--and are really meant to be--shitty

Not just ‘rough,’ but full-on ‘Hey Guys This Is My 1st Fanfic Be Gentle !!1!,’ stream-of-consciousness awful

Maybe you’re the type to spin literary gold out of thin air and if so, kudos to you, Hemingway, but for most of us just putting down that first draft is like trying to break through a concrete wall with a plastic spoon, mainly because we’re all subconsciously hoping that the first try will be a perfect construction of grammar and narrative with no need for the pains of editing and revising

But I will tell you what my guys, I have never once not had to go back and fix something* (*many things** (**everything)) after completing the rough draft no matter how careful I thought I was being

So, you know what? Fuck the rough draft. Churn that piece of shit out as fast as your enthusiasm will let you. (Because honestly, one of the worst killers of a piece of writing is fretting over the details for so long you lose steam/interest/the will to write the damn thing once you convince yourself you ‘Just Can’t Get It Right.’ You can.)

Write shitty. Write the most extravagantly flowery purple prose. Spend a page writing about some fucker’s cerulean orbs or spend three pages discussing how pretty the scenery of that sweet Fantasy Realm (c) is. Spend two (2) lines discussing how Expendable Character #4 got killed off by the bad guy and move on

Fuck the fucking rough draft

Finish it off

Step back from it

Then come back and do the post-fuckening after care. Reread, revise, cut out excess, add padding where you need it, spackle over the plot holes, etc

Do it as many times as you need to before you’re no longer polishing a turd and have an actual gold nugget in front of you

You can do it, friends

[martinlawless]

Full Gas, Summer Crit Series, Masters 40+ E1234

Lee Valley VeloPark, London Wednesday 15 May 2019

The Full Gas Summer Series at the Lee Valley road circuit features fortnightly crits for Masters 40+ racers. It’s all inclusive: all categories: E1234. So you can get ex-pros turning up. And, you can get newbies. And to that, here he was: our very own Andy R, turning up for his first road race, having thought about it for some time. Indeed, with three riders, Ashwell were the dominant team of the evening as Dave W turned up as well. So, the CCA trio would take to the starting line on a warm, sunny, but a bit windier than expected evening.

I had a good pre-race routine. Got to the venue well early. First to sign on. Had loads of time to warm-up. Though I felt pretty supple anyway after a lunchtime gym class. Met up with Dave and Andy. We talked Andy through the circuit and tootled around til the start. It would be an approx 50 minute race tonight, so around 40 minutes before they show the 5 Laps To Go board.

There were around 30 out. We had a neutralised lap to get into the swing of things and we were off. The pace picked up rapidly. Indeed, the second or third lap would be my fastest recorded full lap of this course. Though, I didn’t really feel it as I was stuck at the back of the bunch and drafting loads. Not a big problem, except that I would be no good to be in any break from here.

As I noodled more to the front of the bunch, indeed, two riders popped off the front. One a top class 1st Cat. There was an attempt by a couple more to latch on, but they were hauled in. However the front two would stretch out their break to 25-30 seconds and hold us off all the way til the end. TTIng the race on road bikes at 25.7mph for 40 minutes. Impressive.

Meanwhile, back in the peloton, we get into a groove. I feel the effort is under what it was a fortnight ago when a few teams were constantly gunning for glory. Maybe the stiff breeze was taking the edge off things. It was a rare easterly. Or, sometimes, it’s just the way it is.

On Saturday, I raced the grass track National Endurance 8km race. It had recalibrated my pain thresholds somewhat. Tonight was hard in parts, but I kept thinking, this ain’t like riding a grass track bike trying to keep hold on to the front riders for five miles. So, I thought I should take my newly galvanized self up the line a bit more. Here in the top five or so riders, it’s quieter, less stressful, a little more hurty in the wind, but I will settle for that. Up here, there’s a bit of frustration by those who have more to give in their legs but are struggling to muster a break. I feel a bit like this too. Keen: but don’t want to burn matches on a futile attempt to ping off the front if it won’t stay there.

At one point, two make a go of it. I give it full beans and we become a break of three. We stutter a bit and a few others join. We have a break of maybe 4-5 bike lengths. But after a lap, it comes back again. It’s futile. This will be a bunch sprint for 3rd place downwards. But the attempt gives me confidence. I can tell I’ve hurt the bunch, but I feel OK for all the effort.

In the late stages, our Andy appears. He’d said he would idle nearer the back to find his feet. It seems like having gained confidence, he was now getting more excited about what he could do up front. It was great to have a trusted wheel to follow and I thought he was handling the bike and bunch well. To be fair, I flogged him a little bit, ‘Hold that fella’s wheel Andy! Go!’ when there was a little gap. I’d made him my domestique without asking. Andy’s style suited me. Quite TT-like smooth effort, to grind down the sprinters.

Into two laps to go and out of nowhere Dave shoots around the gap in the bunch into full-on cruise missile mode. It’s impressive. Very early, but impressive. It also drags the right side of the peloton over to his wheel to swamp me on the left. It gets me thinking that the three of us could have been more tactical. You can be quite smart with three riders if you want to have a plan. Next time, maybe we will hatch a strategy. As it was, Dave’s bullet sprint helped me as it served to keep the tempo high. Eventually, I squeeze into a gap on the inside and find myself back in the top seven or so riders as we enter the last lap.

I know I need to go long. The front guys ease back a little, but I shout to them that this is it and we mustn’t risk getting swamped. Just as the rest of the peloton begin to creep either side of us, the front riders respond and we re-find full gas and string it out again. Andy slides back a little. Maybe he’s burned up too much. Maybe finishing back in the bunch is mission accomplished. The last half lap and I get on to Jess’s wheel. Jess is a strong rider who doesn’t ride for a team: who I know finds a good line and always places pretty well and who I know I can hold the wheel of. I’m feeling good in the last quarter of the lap. Unfussed by the bunch behind and able to give it full power. We crest the hill turn, to head for the line. I can see the front riders hug the left side of the road, making it clearer on the right for me. I choose this line: I’ll take a lower position in the finish if it means a safer dash. That’s a good deal to me.

It’s showtime. We enter that gallop moment of light-headed utter metabolic redness that’s completely unsustainable, but only needs to last 10 seconds anyway. We are wide across the road. I’m holding my place. I take one guy over. There’s a good guy on my right but he’s struggling to take me. He makes me go harder. I’m not giving in. I risk a gear change. If it clunks, I’ll lose precious milliseconds (we are all on transponders that measure down to thousandths of a second). Click. Phew! It’s a smooth change: I can find more power. I’m closing the gap on the leaders: the sprinters are fading.

Another 50 metres and who knows what could have happened. As it was, I zoom over the line 7th in the bunch sprint and so 9th overall. Happy with that. Nice to get rewarded with a BC point for the effort. One guy weaves wildly after the line, oblivious to what’s behind. People need to concentrate after the finish. All fine though. We CCA regroup. Andy and Dave were boxed in to the bunch. All safe and well.

We unpin and return our transponders to the pleasant ladies in the Full Gas team. We get our results instantly. There’s a good mix of folk here at this series. I look forward to mixing in mid-week chain gangs with more of this series. Andy reckons the effort was a notch below our chaingang. I’d say that’s generally about right. If you are thinking of enjoying road racing but unsure: give the Ashwell chaingang a whirl.

Strava link: https://www.strava.com/activities/2370766709

[whilereadingandwalking]

Writer’s Tag

I found this on Instagram and honestly just kind of pulled it over. 

What genre/style/topics do you write about? I’m a fantasy writer through-and-through. I draw from speculative fiction, mythological fantasy, and classic fantasy. If I ever do write a realistic novel, it will be chock-full of magical realist moments. I like to write fantasy where the world is built and lovely but where that’s almost incidental. I really try to focus in on the relationships more so, and the characters. I like the magic to be up close and personal.  It’s a challenge, but I like to write about true love. I don’t write the will-they-or-won’t-they storylines so much, although I love those. I like to write the classic fantasy of-course-they’re-in-love-but-can-they-be-together? or of-course-they-are-but-they’re-going-through-a-rough-patch type stories.  How long have you been writing? When I was in 1st grade, we all wrote these short stories and made them into little books. I loved it. I decided I wanted to write more stories, and I began to craft tales. In 2nd grade I began to conceive of a novel; I hand-wrote it. It must have been something like 30 tiny little pages and was encased in a little jeweled ballerina notebook. My friend said, “You should be a writer!” I decided I would be. 

Why do you write? Because I love stories and telling stories, and because I can’t not tell stories. I don’t think there’s an alternate timeline in my universes where I’m not writing something, and if there is, I can’t imagine I’m holding it together very well. 

When is the best time to write? Whenever I can, if I’m honest, but the best time is when I have a clear afternoon to spend in a café on a rainy day, and the noise is just loud enough to become white noise and just quiet enough not to distract, and anxiety is low. Parts of the writing you love? Hate? I love creating characters. Adore it. I have these complex, awful complicated character sheets that I use to dig in. I know everything from their astrological signs to the way they laugh to the names and ages of their siblings. I hate showing it to someone for the first time. My friends are writers, and I never stop being terrified they’ll message me back that my novel is awful.  I also hate the editing, because you’re never done. There’s never a point where it’s perfect and I’m happy and it’s done because inevitably two years later I’m ready to rewrite the whole thing, no matter how good I thought it was. How do you overcome a writers block? With force. Honestly, I use the same technique I did when I had writers block writing papers in school. I say, “That’s great but you have to write it anyway,” and then I spend three hours writing a scene that’s awful and too short and painful but it’s written, literally, and that gives me something to go back and edit, so it’s still useful. Are you working on something at the moment? Am I ever. I am five chapters into the second draft of my novel, although chapter five is proving to be a struggle. My current ten second pitch is: “It’s about a farmer boy who wants everything to stay the same, a student who wants her sailor to come back from sea, and the trickster goddess who will tear their lives apart. Includes a trans MC, f/f true love, sunflowers, fire, and a lot of whiskey.” 

Writing goals this year? Finish this second draft. Let’s go.

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DAY 1 (June 1st)

Write about what your motivation is to write at all. What got you started? What keeps you going?

For me writing started as escapism - I was not in a good place mentally or physically, and writing offered me a way to inhabit a different world, taking me out of the painful now. Then the more I wrote, the more interested I became in the craft of it, the actual process of writing, as well as the immersion in a different place, and now (being somewhat better) it’s a balance between the two.

Beginning to write in fact came as a complete surprise to me - I’ve spent my life reading and had always been very definite that I was a reader and not a writer, but all of a sudden I was consumed with the need to bring the processes of my imagination over into the real world. And it’s been a journey, moving from one fandom into new ones, and expanding the range of what I write in terms of subject and form.

What keeps me going? I’m a slow writer, because I really enjoy the process of crafting, of editing and refining the language and organising the structure of a work. I’m not at all someone who wishes they could push a button and have a completed story appear - I like all the elements of the process, from the excitement of brainstorming and getting a first draft down on paper to the long slow editing to the satisfaction of finishing.

And the other thing that keeps me going is company - the biggest shoutout is due to @hanajimasama who is my writing buddy and cheerleads me through it all, and to the discord groups I’m in for particular projects.

Where I am right now?

I was ill today thanks to my second covid vaccine, but I’m just four pages away from finishing this edit of The Rebuilding ch.3; there will be one more edit after this.

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