#really shitty and cringe worthy poems

[voidwithtoomanygooglyeyes]

[sweetness-doesnt-touch-my-face]

I don’t know what it is. Welp. That’s a lie. I know exactly what it is. But I’m a person who…if I’m not doing something productive, creatively that is. I feel like a dead weight. Just nothing. Because in my opinion, my existence on it’s own is tremendously flawed and doesn’t really contribute to anything positive/nice in this world.

Now before the self-love fairies start sprinkling their stardust and rainbows of “well, you can change that.” Yeah. I’ve done some pretty inexcusable shit. Done a lot of shitty things. I’m an addict. I have a severely possible case of a mental disorder which leads to me not being able to control my emotions and short fused moods.

But my poetry. I’m not about to blow smoke up my own ass, lol. I’m just taking what other people have told me. But that’s the only fucking worthy thing about me. So when I’m not writing and I’m just sitting there doing whatever. I feel like the physical grounds of a dump-like yard sale, aha. I feel the need to give anything and everything away because I’m just not enough y'know.

When I woke up this morning, I was literally like “Lil, you should write a fucking poem!!! you gotta give something to people, your shitty thoughts aren’t enough!!!” and then I was like “wait, I just wrote a poem yesterday.” So with the whole yard sale symbolism, I’m like the overly desperate owner who’s constantly holding up garbage and shoving it in your face like: “BUY THIS, TAKE THIS, I SWEAR IT’S GOOD”

Um. Which is pathetic in it’s own little way, aha. I don’t know. I just hate it. I kinda feel like it’s an excuse for me to escape. Because I’m trying so hard to escape this situation aka me. So I’ll write myself into fucking anything, man. Anything but my own life, please. Aha. But y'know. I don’t fucking know if my poetry is good or not, lol.

I’m like trying to redeem myself and that’s funny because that’s literally why I started sharing my poetry in the first place. I was a 14 year old high school dropout *cringe* and I was doing fucking nothing but just watching tv and sitting on my ass, lol. So I started up my online book and was like “this is my purpose” ahahaha.

Little did I know, it was just a public online garbage bin of shitty poetry on which would continue to this very day, lol. You can thank musicians for that never-ending piss stream of poetic garble, lmao. In other news though. Seven months ago today. I was published for the very first time, anywhere. In Seattle - of all fucking places.

For a special man called Chris Cornell. I still think about you every single day and I mostly certainly do not forget for a second about what you have done for me, sir. So yeah. Time flies by, my friends. Kinda sad. Kinda bitter-sweet. Kinda…yep. Well I’m done talking.

I’ll re-dislocate and unhinge my jaw now. See ya, fo—

[filo-academia]

thanks for the tags @the-wholesome-ranpo​ and @walking-meme​ ~! this looks really fun. 

Fandom: I write for different fandoms but nowadays my focus is on Bungou Stray Dogs, as it has been for, at least, two years. 

Where you post? Before I post my works in justbeingmyowngenie at AO3 but starting from now, I don’t think I will post there. I’m still gauging whether I should not post anymore or get another account, but let’s just see.

Most Popular Oneshot: One of my submissions for Soukoku Fluff Week this year. It’s Holding The Universe, you can check it out.

Most Popular Multichap: This one is really surprising. It’s my submission for BSD Vampire Event, it’s entitled night at the circus. Why it’s surprising for me is because I didn’t even like the way I wrote it. For some reasons, maybe it’s because it’s my first time writing about vampires, I find it cringe-worthy. But beyond my expectations, it’s actually my multichaptered fic that garnered a lot of kudos than my other one (unfinished) - I only have two, both for FyoGol/GoDost.

Favorite story you’ve written so far: It’s one of my submissions for BSD Rarepair Week. My puck pours it over sigma isn’t the most well-loved, at least judging by the low amount of kudos (but reasonable amount of comments - and it’s also the fanfic with comments I really love rereading from time to time when I feel so down). I think it’s because of GogSig’s reputation of being a rarepair. But it’s actually the fanfic I am most proud of. I just love the way I reference Shakespeare in a considerable proportion of the story because I’ve always been envious of writers who can, you know, reference works in their writings. It’s just so happened that I was able to incorporate Midsummer Night’s Dream as well - thanks to Gogol being so into theatre - so that part is the one that gave me the rush in writing the fanfic. Though I admit it wasn’t easy to write it and there were times that it almost killed me (figuratively) and when I post it at first, I cried because I worked hard on it but no one noticed the effort I put into it - thankfully, in later months, someone did. People did. It wasn’t much but damn, when they pointed out how they loved when I used this and that, it was more than enough. 

Fic you were nervous to post: Every single one of my fics. Right before I post something, I’m always nervous. Some days it’s manageable, but lately, I just can’t bring myself to. Anxiety has been loud in my ears, and while thankfully it doesn’t disrupt my writing, but sharing it to others has been nerve-wracking. Hence I don’t post anything I’ve finished on my part. 

How do you choose titles: Through puns! Hahaha. I look up song titles, book titles, band names, or poem titles and make a pun out of them. Example of which is gay panic at the coffee shop and yes, it’s from the band name Panic at the Disco, but I changed it to gay panic and then put the setting of the fanfic lmao. Sometimes I also find some words inside my fic, something that encapsulates the whole point of my story. It’s what I did with puck pours it over sigma. I’m actually proud of those titles. And of course, I am not exempted from people who also find it hard to come up with them. It’s why I decided to play around by using puns. 

Do you outline? Sometimes, yes. But most of the time, no. I only outline after I finish my first draft, or if I know that the fic will take me a lot of chapters to finish it. And when I do, I usually end up deviating from the points I made. It’s annoying because instead of following through what I set up for the fic, it just deviates, like the defiant child it is. 

Complete: As much as I want to say that I finished something from the past few weeks, unfortunately, I haven’t finished anything. Just the first draft for my museum + art theft au but I realize that to make it work, I have to turn it into a multichapter and I have to fix my POV because it was shitty since there were a lot of characters. And right then, I realize that I have put in two new chapters that will discuss something that I haven’t written when I worked on the first draft, so kill me, maybe? I really hate it when a fic goes longer than it should. Is it the fic who doesn’t have a self-control or the writer, me? Is this why I need outlines? But then for me, outlines are negotiable. 

In-progress: Aside from that museum + art theft au, I also have a modern au I am writing to distract myself from the fact that I hate my other au. And in the end, I won’t even post any of them! So like, why am I stressing over them? Also, I am planning on wrapping up The Wayward Boy. It’s about time I should since my goal is to write everything - posting is another story - I have in my mind for FyoGol/GoDost so they won’t haunt me in every waking day of my life. I just don’t want to leave a fandom when I still have a lot of things to say. It would kill me. 

Coming out soon/not started: After I begrudgingly tread through those two pests, I might work on a rural russia au. Again, there’s no promises of posting it. I will just write it on my own, so I can entertain myself. 

Prompts: In the past few days, I was thinking of asking suggestions from my mutuals here on what AU to try. But then I decided to not post anything I write for the meantime, so I guess I won’t carry on with that... for now. 

Upcoming work you are most excited about: I’ve been thinking of a The Queen’s Gambit AU and honestly the whole idea excites me a little bit - if it weren’t that I am dangerously building up apathy towards anything due to my current state on writing and fandom. But I’ll try to work it out somehow. Again though, no promises of posting. 

I’m tagging @joeys-piano @kyrxchi-writes, @sumi-zakarie @jounos-teashop-writing and any writer out there~ I know this will be really fun for you~ 

@lilac-bramble​ Thank you for tagging me in this, dear <3 I haven’t done these thingies in a long while so it’s nice to dive in again

name: Jasmin

fandoms: A lot, but currently major Bungou Stray Dogs & minor Naruto

where you post: I have an ao3 account named Hanahaki_Blood where I post my most recent works. Somewhere, my abandoned ff.net acc still cries itself to sleep…

most popular oneshot: Surprisingly enough it’s Isn’t it Lovely or The Long Way Home, a Valeyne Oneshot. It’s been so long, but I still love it to bits. I was, you could say, totally enarmored and unrestrained regarding this ship and my wording of it. I could just go, literally, batshit crazy. At times, I’m sorry I ever left it.

most popular multichap: Gioia because of the explicit tag obviously. Y’all are dirty birds and I appreciate that.

favorite story you’ve written so far: 

fic you were nervous to post: I’m nervous about every fic I post so this doesn’t narrow it down much. XD I guess Lemmings did make me worry a lot since this ship is not for everyone and I was scared of the reaction it would receive. A pointless fear, however, since said reaction has been overall positive which I’m glad about.

how you choose your titles: *cracks knuckles* Love this topic. It’s usually a draw between three options: Song Title / Lyrics, Untranslatable words with special meaning or Specific Phrases or Quotes I just can’t get out of my head. Without music, life would be a lie, so songs are pretty much essential to me envisioning and visualizing my stories as needed background music. I pretty much translate mental pictures into sentences. And Titles might turn out weird but should always have the core of the story slipped in somewhere.

do you outline: I’m not good at it but I do try when it comes to multi-chapter fics. I have a rough plan in my head usually, yet most often this rough plan… fucks up somewhere down the line and then it’s Plan QWY. Don’t ask me, my brain is just that kind of bitch.

complete: Sometimes. Not always. May be left unattended for months only to be finished still, oh the surprise.

in progress: Do you want me to embarrass myself in public or send you a private list?

coming soon/not yet started: Dazatsu Fics, Fyolai Fic, Shin Soukoku Fic, Fukumori Fic, Chuuatsu Collection - ALL OF THE BSD SHIP FICS >:3

prompts?: I would honestly love to do prompts but I can never write like, a 500 word piece and be done with it. I always tend to overwrite things. So sadly no. v.v

upcoming work you’re most excited about: There are a few actually! Of all, two Dazatsu stories and the Chuuatsu one^^ I hope I can make it all in time though. Deadlines hate me.

Who to tag in this one? I’d go and say @kiranatrix​, @ghostoftasslehoff​, @four-dreams-in-a-row​ , @walking-meme​, @reaperlight​ and everyone else who’d like to do it >:3

[dvoyd]

I know photo aesthetics are a big deal on tumblr but why are the images never sourced? I recognised an image on the Adam and Eve photoset - it's by a photographer called Nishe. It's so important for people to credit words/ poems when they use them. Why is this same courtesy not extended to photographers? Pictures are protected by copyright, same as poetry and original writing. Tumblr please, source your shit.

Sourcing / crediting in general is just pitiful on Tumblr (on the internet in general in fact). People see something and if they want to use it, that’s all they think about. Now to be fair not all images or creators require credit/sourcing, but it’s not like people would care if they did or that it would stop them from using it anyway.

But yeah it’s rampant across all media mediums. Like here are just some examples off the top of my head:

Text posts

Photographs

Artwork (whether fanart or original)

Writing (including poetry, fanfic, original fiction, quotes, etc)

Videos / animations / GIFs

Music / Audio

Resources (like Photoshop brushes, PSDs, colorings, actions, etc)

Games / programs or programming / scripts / mods

Could probably think of more, but I’m sure it’s obvious that literally anything that can be stolen, will be stolen at some point. (Quality doesn’t even matter here guys– I had a site literally rip off some really shitty artwork I did back in my early adolescence and posted on dA and try to pass it off as their own. Like it was cringe-worthy but they still wanted to steal it???)

I realize that the internet has always has this attitude of ‘share and share alike’, but many people take that too far and turn ‘sharing’ into ‘stealing’ (or copying). Newbies do it, pros do it (as that aesthetic post you’re talking about is actually made by someone who makes aesthetic graphics a lot, and also writes. I really love their work, but I still don’t like that they just take whatever they can find off the internet w/o sources.)

That said, I have made a few aesthetic posts in my time (or graphics in general), and… I can’t say I really sourced anything either. >_> I did avoid using anything obviously ‘personally made’ and tried to stick to screenshots or obvious free-use stuff, but… again shit happens. And if people had to source every last thing in their graphics (especially concerning aesthetics which use at least 4 separate images, commonly more along the lines of 6–8 or even 10), it would heavily clog up the captions.

Now if they made like a page on their blog sourcing everything they used, that would be something… but I don’t see anyone putting that amount of effort into it, just as I don’t see many people having a high level of scrutiny when it comes to graphics that don’t bear obvious red flags (edits of popular artwork w/o credit or permission, or gif reposts, for example). I think it usually happens that if something is pretty / nice to look at, people won’t bother looking past that.

[overlyqueerteen-blog]

"My Thoughts in a Midnight Crisis"

I really like Her, I am not sure why. She will never love me, and this makes me... sad. There is nothing I can really do about it. I stopped talking to her, I blocked her off my memory, like  a dream that you wish were your reality, yet you know you should just move on, breathe, and live in the real world.

Sometimes I wonder if I am damaged. I find it easy to suddently stop  talking to people, even the girl I found myself looking at with loving eyes. I try to write, paint, draw, but everything that comes out sounds and looks so much like my last attempt to stay here, to be ok.

I constantly tell myself that everything will be fine, and I know that my feelings of sadness and loneliness are not as bad as someone who just lost their only child, or as intense as someone whos life spins out of balance for the last time as they let go of the only thing keeping them from falling to their death.

I cant sleep anymore, I wake up from vivid nightmares in which I cant do anything but look into the eyes of my mother and sister as the life escapes from them. I have never been one to have nightmares, my dreams were so movie-like, so teenage romantic, so bright colored skies in summertime.

Pardon me if this seems like a boring letter from an insecure, trans, single, dramatic person, but it actually is all that. I am all that. I write this as the computer shows me its now 10:34 pm, I listen to Lana, sinchronizing the music with the empiness of my own thoughts.

I do not understand how I got an honorable mention in a writing competition once, I find myself keeping half-written poems, songs, stories, and proyects abandoned within my memory, a cementery full incomplete pieces of myself, scattered and broken that call my name at night. My name, my name, What even is my name anymore?

It is very stupid indeed to not know ones name, but so is it telling myself that writing this will do something for me. The room is cold, and this music is increasingly depressing. I have thought of killing myself, it would be useless denying it. I have held pills on my hands, the same hands that wrote a love letter that I later burned. I put the pills away, threw them in the trash, feeling weak once more, feeling like a burden.

I see my body in the mirror, I look in to my eyes, I cry, and breathe, and cry again, even if the pills did not harm me, I have made a shield out of my body, fat and flesh and scars are the decorations I have in the body that is twice as big as it should be. My hands are small, always the same, they eagerly follow my commands, they shiver and twitch, anxious and precise, my hands are never still, for in my dreams I form a fist as I watch the images my brain  provided me for the night time. Stop, Stop, STOP! I dont want Her here! NO! STOP! Why am I holding her hand as she dies? Why is there a man laughing as the girl I love turns into ice?

This letter is confusing, I still dont know why I write this, but the closed door in my room tells me to keep going till the clock strikes midnight. I wrote the last line 12 minutes ago, What did I do in those 12 minutes? I walked towards the mirror and punched myself twice in the face, I stared into my eyes as with both hands I pulled my hair till I found myself crying once more when I said to myself:

  "You are worth nothing! Nobody will love you, you are just a stupid fat girl who is afraid of dying alone. No wonder She turned you down, you are such a waste".

Words, words, words, What is a word even worth? My thoughts are words, Her face was a word, her eyes were a word worth crying for, because I still have a picture of her in my computer, and I look at it and all I feel is the need to assign her a word. No, no, no! "No" is the word carved into my mind the moment I realized I didnt understand what her saying "no" really meant.

It meant Stop, it meant STOP trying so hard to make myself believe I wouldnt cry. I woke up crying from the pretend wedding in my dreams. It meant that I was not the one who would ever truly marry her, but I could be the one in the crowd, another crying face, crying out of sadness, not happiness.

11:30 pm and I am feeling empty. 11:33 pm and Sia understands me. 11:36pm and I look at Her picture once more.

Friends, friends! What are they for anyways?! Friends forget you, friends pretend cry when you leave. Friends are not friends unless they really care, but they dont, because they are too busy wondering when you will stop crying for "nothing". Friends who care become a hope of being loved, a hope that fades as they say "no".

I am drunk on words as my clock reads 11:41 pm, and my mind sings a song I wrote just for Her. She is not even trying to make sure I am alive, and I am feeling in pieces as  I understand none of that really matters. Teenage rage disgused as a closed door, fear of sounding ridiculous as you tell your therapist you have never felt this shitty before.

I am ashamed of ever writing somethimg this cringe-worthy, for I know no one really cares. I melt in the infinity of unsaid words laying on my tounge as I understand I should have never tried to become a writter.

11:53 pm and my hands are tired. 11:55 pm and door says "Wait". 11:57 pm and I feel heavy. 11:59 pm and I look at my bed. 12:00 am and I dont have much to say.

This is over, for I shall sleep, indulging myself in the sweet death of reality as I melt into my brain.This is over, I am done, writing this has done something for me, and that is because I hope you understand my thoughts in a midnight crisis.

- A Trans Boy