#really annoyed with myself ngl
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i really want to make isat friends…
#in this moment…#but i’m too scared ;-;#you guys all seem rly fun n cool n sweet#i love seeing tags on my art n everyone is so so nice!!! i’d love to reach out n make friends so bad#but i’m. terrified.#my usual method of making friends is starting a private discord server#n it usually goes amazing - it’s how i met my current family and how i’ve made so many friends!!!#but i’m petrified right now. something in me broke a while back and i don’t know if it’ll fix…#i hope that… i can make one soon. maybe after i get back on my meds i’ll be okay.#but!! like. in the meantime#if anyone. wants to try ? i may be slow and scared and overly guarded bug i want to make friends#and i’ll Try if anyone feels up to reaching out? ;-; i’d appreciate it tbh!!! but no one has to!!!#i wrote myself a lil script tfgvu for a comic maybe. itll be so annoying but it’ll be a very person piece n i think it’d b good for me to#make ngl… a good look into my Twisted Mind (/s/s/s thats a joke!!!!!)#SORRY THIS IS REALLY REALLY VENTY JGUGGUG#i have difficulties my whole life with feeling like a perpetual outsider <3 i need to work on that somehow
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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The future is such a wonderful thing to look forward to
#➳ the fool speaks#seriously. I've never really been suuuper ''oooh yes i looove thinking about my future'' and it's still kinda scary#but I feel like I have so much to look forward to now. I mean idk I always did but when my mental health was so bad it was hard to look#ahead and think of more than just. like. what annoyed me that day or whatever#but now every day I feel myself being excited for stuff in the future which is awesome ngl
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#it's really fucking annoying when something from your favourite obscure game gets wiped clean off the internet#every link i find just goes to a dead account do i have to hire someone myself to re translate this houfyyv#ngl to get the one part i need i would#or maybe just have them skim read till they find the part i know I'm right about n translate that paragraph#oof annoying#shut up rattie no one gives a shit lol
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my favorite teacher plays dnd and bg3 do you know how crazy that is to me
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#LOTS OF THOUGHTS HII GOOD NOON TODAY WAS A REAL FUN DAY#I ALMOST BROKE DOWN AND ALSO I KINDA VENTED AND G#UH. WHY IS TUMBLR WEIRD AND CLOSING MY POST. ANYWAY!#i did vent to my friends abt annoying classmates (aka annoying ppl who are irresponsible) that bring me and my friends and groups grades#down. and yeah. but i bonded a lot w various frienda and and and fun day and and and I LEARN ^^ AND#things are quite bad sometimes but sometimes they aren't actually that bad and idk school is just really fun i'm almost sad#just really happy with where i am rn and my friends are noticing too sniffs ..... noticing how i'm talking more or whatnot#and more comfy and whatnot and hey it did take like. quite a while. but still! just. really happy#bcs this Quite A While was either basically immediate but in the making (two friends) or gradual but always getting there (group in class)#and etc !!! like hey maybe some friends online or irl i am not talking to as much atm but there's the comfort that we still greatly care#for wach other. and whatnot. and there's just a lot and damn if i gave up this wouldn't be happening lol my point is things do get better#and a lot of it tbh is on how you improve and see things (???) idk but damn i'm just rlly proud of myself#I COULD STILL DO BETTER mbut idk all of this is me and im just rlly secure in that and i have been since the longest time ngl. im amazing#yeehaw ANYWAYYYYFGEGKR BG3 I STARTED A DARK URGE RUN LAST NIGHT YE GODS ITS A BIT SCARY TO ME BUT I LOVE THE BLOOD#im trying to fight against it bcs im using my main tav but boom make him a durge guy so ^_^
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Why the fuck do people expect me to be a literal fucking angel just because I like wearing colorful outfits and hair accessories and am autistic 😭😭😭😭
#this is so annoying because when I act like an asshole everyone is 100x more surprised than when someone else acts like an asshole#like im so 'pure and cute' and not capable of having actual human thoughts and emotions#i know that am way more naive and gullible than most ppl my age even though ive been through a lot of trauma caused by actual terrible ppl#but i just dont know how to change that aspect of myself...#i kind of wish i was evil lol#and then i also have high moral expectations for myself (?)#like if I partake in gossip or being extra judgemental of people that i dont even really know#i will feel like the worst person alive#then I see what shitty things other ppl do daily and consider 'ok' and im like 'wtf???'#also most ppl don't have the confirmation that im autustic since i didnt tell them but im pretty sure they catch something different in me#there's also some good things about this like this older woman from my friend group in uni puts me under her wing and acts kind of motherly#towards me and I kind of like it ngl#personal
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Ohhh man. I just finished nexo knights. Goddamn that sure was something. There’s definitely a lot of potential in this show and it’s a shame it wasn’t renewed. Expect doodles later!
#gonna check the wiki for like the books and the s5 notes ig#can I just say#Ava and Robin deserve the world they really carried#also Merlock is annoying but that’s what I like about him. he truly is a rat man in my eyes#clay…#my god#that man had several mental breakdowns in the last season#clayyyy#‘I found out that the reason I hate the rocks is because it’s a metaphor for hating myself’ 💀💀💀#ngl still kinda upset about Jestro#he was just possessed man#i relate to the rock carver tho#tbh tbh I don’t think I could sanely watch the next season if axel’s new character trait was trying out dieting fads#however I think Lance should start amassing an army of pigs#I’d watch it for that#hamletta ftw#ok enough ramble#Nexo knights
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can you believe to learn i managed to do everything i wanted to do in caelid. we’re heading to altus now!
#incoherent turtle noises#DSposting#i did nokron and ngl i dont actually like that place dkndjs its pretty but smth abt it annoys me#anyway. beat o’niall while mostly squinting. i say mostly i really am desensitizing myself. somewhat#amazing how much you can do thanks to your horse. now millicent’s questline is a go.#also its easy bcos im over level for this place now.
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just texted like all my friends my therapist would be so proud
#raine rambles#personal shit#I am so bad at keeping in touch with ppl like genuinely I’m so scared that I’m bothering them all the time lol#so it’s really stupid but texting them and like chatting feels like a big step for me#especially bc I’m not in school with them anymore so I don’t have like a reason to yknow#like I can’t hide behind like. Oh we’re doing the same assignment. Anymore and hope that it makes them less annoyed w me lol#so yea I’m kinda proud of myself ngl
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hi. I hate this actually.
#Alright I don't want to put this on my friends but seriously I just somehow made a 45 minute cycle into two hours#I am fucking tired#Because it took me an hour to get there and then I skated for an hour and a half#Which yeah that's my decision! Nothing to fo with it at all really but still!#And then you tell me you're giving me the option between a fucking burger restaurant and a pizzeria#And it's seriously a pizzeria like not even pasta there#Like I didn't even want to go out for dinner! But I didn't explicitly say that so I have no right to whine about it now!#And yeah the burger restaurant has vegetarian options but are you fucking kidding me#Like they didn't even do anything wrong I'm just annoyed because does are restaurants I would Never choose to go to myself#Unless I was already out and just had to pick something#Like those are restaurants I would only go to on a trip#Or in the case if everyone else for some reason wants to go there#Like ngl pancakes would've honestly been better at this point#Like I said I just cycled for 2 hours I get to fucking complain for a bit hmkay? Like I know how it is but let me Be!!#Aaaaaaaaargh#sayingthing#Anyways I should shower :)))))))))#Like there are bigger things In the world I KNOW! But I I just soo fucking done rn
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When the trffckng victim has symptoms of idk trauma from idk that idk fucking whole thing 🤣🤣🤣🤣when the "dramatic" paranoia is based in truthful observation and real situations 🤣🤣🤣🤣 when the sexually traumatized and has issues with sexual anything hahaahah I🤣🤣 I hide it so deeply because 🤣🤣🤣 "it's stupid just don't think about it" 🤣🤣🤣
#Ngl i am deeply annoyed wjth myself because idk pretednjng to like something when i really dont tbh is a lie 🙁#i am just like ahahaha#🙁#the guilt consumes#the past persists#and i be ljke 🙂🙂🙂#irs just ahaha i hope kt makes u h#feel idk happy#time and time again i know how i feel and i ignored it for the SATISFACTION#OF THEM#And i am just like 😂😂😂😂#one day i will be brave#one day i will never feel guilty for saying no ❤️🙏🏻#i jut like i know if i expr3ss this actual real issue itll be downplayed#and it wont be considered as a real thing#but then i am just like you are lying you are lying you are lying#idk even tho i feel like i did something wrong when i say no#its a much better feeling thwn ummm idk#IDK IDK ITS BETTER THEN DENYING THE EXTREME DISTRESS I FEEL 😂😂😂#The coping mechanism that avtually makes the situation wo4se 😂😂😂😂😂☝🏻☝🏻#ok sorry for this i just like HAHAHAAJ
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Sorry about more ooc posting again, hhhh--
but i've had like no focus since i woke up earlier today??? like, i've tried to think about replies i wanna do, but it's either been crickets-- or so disjointed in focus that i dare not even try to patch it up enough to try and write with--
plus i brain has kinda been doing me a stupid by feeling like i'm not "doing well enough" with another one of my blogs... even though i keep trying to reason with myself that this muse is still new, so everything is gonna be fine--
and i also kinda didn't do myself any added favors by watching a pretty fucked up video just a bit ago... so like-- i feel like a damn hot mess rn lmao-- and i think rather than trying to pester myself into doing something that hasn't been working-- i'm just gonna go eat something, and then probably game for a little while... see if maybe doing something else might help XP
#{|ooc post|}#under a read more just because i feel like otherwise i'm being annoying and rambly lmao-- (but probably just more of brain doing a stupid)#and ngl i'll probably delete this at some point later--#but for now-- to try and cheer myself up a lil lmao--#i'll mention here in the tags that i'm fighting myself about route replay order for CxM lol--#because part of me wants to save my favorite route for (almost) last...#but another part of me also really wants to just ahead and play that one lmao#(gonna try and fight that tho-- since i'd kinda rather get routes i'm less excited for out of the way first--)
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i think I feel deeply stifled with art and creativity again
#i branched into making stuffed animals and i also do decoden but#idk i just feel a little empty inside about art. cant make sculptural pieces still and im being really fucked up abt that rn#idk#im tired of myself ngl. what an annoying selfish stupid bitch#anyway#i guess ill go to bed now#original
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sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself?#and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways#humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good#and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up#leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that#me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies#pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm#yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice#and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since#christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??)#OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure#which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata#and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing#ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that#im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk#and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my#personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol)#but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am#and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS#anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends#as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho#that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so#sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like#we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids#but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone#who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways#OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god
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Hello! This might sound out of the blue, but are you by any chance the one who subtitled LailaMajnu sequence of Aaja Nachle in youtube?
hi !
im so sorry anon but i am not. i am in the middle of translating the sequence though (in my drafts, separated into about 5 clips) if you had questions about translation in general but i do not have anything up on youtube nor will i <3
#honestly ngl i've been out here trying tk translate the entire thing by myself (and making up stuff in certain places)#solely cause i want to share my brainrot w my friends and it didnt occur to me that i might be able to find it on yt#but also ik the 'official' one has subtitles that cut right before the soniye mil ja bit. which really annoyed me#and also i dont like some of the existing translations ahdjsjkdk#faera's
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I salute to you and thank you for your service 🫡😔
u guys weren’t there in 2018 fighting the atreus annoying and useless allegations like i was. i was on the front lines
#(long rant ahead) i wasnt but i can imagine how terrible it first was#then it got worse for those sticking around since 2018 with rag coming out UGH#atreus/angrboda fans will always have to be battling it seems 😔#I lurk a bit so ive seen older reactions to him and im just like man! who knew an 11 yr old is 11!#idk being a new fan i have a completely different outlook on everything so i dont hold the same contempt as others do#alot of this “fandom” intentionally ignores things bc they dont care and thats fine or whatever but if u dont care for anything or anyone#outside of kratos why are u around 😭😭#Like we are no longer there anymore bro he has a home with family thats alive and thriving#The extreme negativity is one of the reasons why i was hesitant to be here in the first place#Not the first fandom and probably not the last im associated with but this one i think is the first one where i genuinely feel everyone#is miserable with EVERYTHING.#Matter of fact i dont even consider myself part of the fandom LOL#Im just here enjoying what i enjoy#It really sucks liking a character(s) thats almost universally hated for some(dumb) reason#Like… everyone is just negative and i see that even on twitter to the point i just have to mute/block ppl.#I dont tend to care (or try not to care) abt things like this but i dont think ppl realize being in that state can leak into#Smth you dont want. Yes not everything is glitters and butterflies but to stay in that negative mindset is just crazy to me.#ESPECIALLY over a fucking VIDEOGAME CHARACTER like girl bye😭😭😭#I have my own gripes with my other fave games and fandoms i been in but this fandom takes the cake of being a drag#Sms taking a lot of risks and continue trying with atreus gives me hope for him and angie. Idk what theyll do with them#From here on out but they realize no matter what they do its gonna get some level of hate.#I dont even know if ill like their characterization next game either but with what ive seen so far i think they are in good hands.#Im sorry for the really long rant you guys i just needed to say this LOL#When it comes to atreus/angrboda i get a bit passionate but also since sunny/laya are around my age and knowing how gamers are#Its just really aggravating seeing shit like this#Not to say i cant get crazy myself (cuz i can im ngl) but alot of times i just have to take a step back and BREATHE.#Theres a small change ive seen with the hate towards them (ppl have been getting kinda annoyed with it since thats all they talk abt)#But collectively i hope one day ppl genuinely like them. Not out of pity or anything either. But bc they enjoy their characters :)#Im manifesting that it will happen LOL#manifesting all good things towards atreus/angrboda🕯️🕯️🕯️
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