#realizing that it was really awful and i definitely shouldnt have been following it at the time

[zeraphiimm]

pony drawlings

[t3ag3rs]

g e n s o - 0 7.

gahdayum its mi papi down there ↓

"hello everyone, ive been waiting for you!"

you let out a gasp as you see the space hero, thirteen. "thirteens one of my favorite heroes!" squeals uraraka, "i cant wait to show you whats inside! follow me!" she leads the class into the dome-like building. you stare in awe at the inside of the building, holy shit... theres basically every environment in here..! 

"i created this training facility for you to deal with different types of disasters." she pauses, "i call it the 'unforeseen simulation joint' but you can call it USJ!" she exclaims proudly. you stare at her quietly, huh thats just like 'universal studios japan'... you smile inwardly.

"excuse me, but shouldnt all might be here..?" asks aizawa, "apparently he did too much hero work on the way to school this morning and used up all his power... hes resting in the teachers lounge." she explains quietly to aizawa, but your overhear it. 

"that man is the definition of irresponsibility..." sighs out aizawa. he turns to face the class, "clocks ticking, we should get started.." thirteen steps up and begins to talk again.

"listen up... before we get started im sure your all aware that i have a powerful quirk, its called 'black hole.' i can use it to suck up anything and turn it into dust. my quirk could also very easily be used to kill- like some of you all. in our superhuman society all quirks are certified and strictly regulated so we all often overlook how unsafe they can actually be. please dont forget that if you loose focus or make the wrong move, your powers can be deadly."

"thanks to the fitness tests and the combat training you all did, you should know your limits and potential. carry what you learn and use them now, today youll be learning how to use your quirks to save peoples lives- after all... that is the main purpose of heroes. thats all i have to say, thank you for listening." she bows her head silently.

the class erupts in cheers, and you smile proudly, tightening your fists, man she really knows how to fire us up..! 

"alright now that thats over.. lets get started." starts aizawa before the lights cut out.

you look up and narrow your eyes, suddenly a portal forms near the fountain. "stay together, thirteen protect the students!" yells aizawa. you widen your eyes when you realize that an actual villain attack was happening.

"whats happening?!" exclaims kirishima, "its a villian attack...!" you reply loudly as villains walk out and you ready yourself.

"if they got in without alarming the systems they must be jamming communications, kaminari use your quirk and try to contact the school" instructs aizawa.

he jumps down and thirteen starts moving you all away, you run to the exit but the same purple portal covers the exit. "its a pleasure to meet you all, we are the league of villains." the voice pauses, "now where is all might..? i believe he was supposed to be here to take his last breath."

you gasp, "theres no way theyre planning on killing him..." u whisper quietly. you analyze his quirk as he talks, his quirk was what teleported the villains here... and he can move around quickly, but i dont see a physical body that belongs to him.. he must have some sort of mutation or transformation type of quirk.. warping maybe?

suddenly bakugou and kirishima jump at the villain to attack, "wait, stop...!" you yell trying to hold them back. bakugou sends an explosion at the villain, "did you think we were just gonna stand around and let you tear this place to shreds?" kirishima grins as he stands in a defensive position.

you quickly run up behind them "move outta the way!" you try to pull them to aside, but the purple portal circles the entire group. 

"you students should be more careful, ill scatter you all across the facility and let you face my colleagues and your deaths!" you feel someone pull you closer to them as you cover your face protectively. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you put your hands out to stop your fall as your drop down into the 'collapse zone' followed by kirishima and bakugou. standing up you dust yourself off and get into a fighting position, "we got company you two.." you inform staring at the villains crowding you three.

"looks like we hit the jackpot..! get rid of the two boys first... the girl should be easy to get rid of!" chuckles a villain. 

you narrow your eyes, and stomp your foot down creating a boulder around the villain holding him in place. Then you hit him with a right hook to the head leaving him unconscious. "i wouldnt be so sure of that..." you smirk. "now whose next?" you ask opening your water pouch. 

the villains start to run at you three and you all fight them off. Suddenly, bakugou sends an explosion and the whole building shakes. you yell over the noise, "bakugou we're in the collapse zone, so be mindful of the explosions..!" you propell yourself forward and freeze your water around another villain.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you stand up exhaustedly, body aching slightly "everyone alright...?" you turn to look at kirishima and bakugou. 

"we should go find the rest of the class, if we arent out yet then the others probably arent either. we caused this mess so we need to make it up..!" exclaims kirishima looking at bakugou.

"if you wanna go track the rest of them idiots you can, but im going for that warping bastard." grits bakugou as you sigh rolling your eyes.

"bakugou you do realize that he doesnt have a physical body right..? even after the explosion you threw at him, he was still fine. if your gonna go throw more of them you can practically guarantee it wont do shit." you state as you stare at him. 

"shut up! as if you know what to d-" you shove him away and throw a flame of fire at the invisible villain beside him letting it fall. 

you turn and face bakugou smirking, "yeah what was that about me not knowing what to do..?" he scoffs rolling his eyes, and you turn back to the villain, "i almost feel bad for them, their so bad they got beat by a bunch of high schoolers.." 

"man y/n your so badass..!" praises kirishima, you chuckle blushing slighly and rub your neck. "thanks man..." 

"bakugou since when have you been so calm and rational, usually your always like 'die! die! die!'" questions kirishima. 

you let out a chuckle, "im always calm and rational!" screams bakugou. you slap his head, "geez shut up..! youre just proving his point!" he glares at you with his palms smoking.

"calm down you two..!" exclaims kirishima getting in between you two. "find the rest of the idiots if you want, but im going to the warping bastard." states bakugou as he walks away.

"then we're coming with you!" cheers kirishima running up to bakugou, dragging you with him.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you three run quickly to go help all might. theres no way he'll last long..! hes already at his limit... if we dont do something now, he may actually be defeated..!

you see deku running to help all might, but the warping villian appears in front of him. "izuku..!" you yell. 

suddenly bakugou goes in front and send an explosion to the back of the villain, you propell yourself up to reach him quickly. he slams the villain down by the metal part near his neck to the ground, "guess i found your body this time you smokey bastard!" he yells.

you and kirishima rush towards the other villain with the hands surrounding his face. you throw a gush of frozen water at him, but he moves away before both of you could land an attack at him. you pull your water back to yourself and glare at the villain infront as you stand by the other students.

all might may die one day.... but today wont be that day...!

previous parts: pt. 0 0 / pt. 0 1 / pt. 02 / pt. 03 / pt. 04 / pt. 05 / pt. 06 next parts: pt. 08 / pt. 09 / pt. 10 / pt. 11 / pt. 12 / pt. 13 / pt. 14 / pt. 15 / pt. 16

[friedloverballoon]

heyyy man. sorry if this is kinda personal but i noticed that me n you have kinda gone through the same thing opinion wise lol and was just wondering- i noticed that once i rlly exited most all discourse groups, my dysphoria got like. much less severe. ive been dysphoric for years and years, but its honestly never been worse than when i was in groups that said that you Had to have it to be trans (which i still believe just. idek) and made me feel like if it lessened at All then i shouldnt transition and just. i was all over the place lol. ive been id'ing as trans for Years bc of my presumed dysphoria but even the nicest people of these groups honestly made me kinda feel like i was faking since it wasnt that bad All the time🧍🏻but no yeah anyways im doing muchhh better now that im not so ingrained in discourse stuff and i was jw if you had a similar experience at all? ofc all of this is null if youre not trans KSBSKS but im not sure so! i hope youre having a good day🤍

HI i went through an entire week forgetting about tumblr and it was amazing, but I'm back again

I actually just now realized that you're the same amazing dude who defended me at the very beginning of me falling into that discourse stuff, and I didn't even know it because I started following lots of people since then for some reason, and yeah, really nice to see you again. I had to go back to the old controversial™ post to see if it was really you and I was so weirdly glad to have been right, hello again old friend :) I never unfollowed you or anything, I was just so caught up with tumblr shenanigans since we first met that I lost track of everything

I feel the exact same way you did, and it was kind of a long time coming with me stepping away from the discourse stuff, but tumblr is an awful place for discourse. It's so easy to either get stuck in an echo chamber or you will get several people angry at you, not a great experience either way

To answer your question though, I definitely felt a giant weight off my back after it all. I do still have some discourse stuff recommended to me, and I'll share a thought about it here and there, but I really just had to be tolerant and remember to agree to disagree and whatever. I think even being "too far" in my own side gave me that same feeling of making sure I didn't cross some line, even though, like you, I still hold the basic opinion that dysphoria is required to be trans, especially since looking more into biological factors and all that, although it's just… I think you understand what I mean, right? Like there are expectations to be met or something. I really think it's just bad for you in general, I haven't felt so free since my random post blew up in April.

(No idea if you want this to be public but I always post my questions unless someone tells me not to so… heyyy)

Either way, sorry this took so long to post, I had like thirty five different people having a weird conversation under an old post of mine and I got too many notifications

[grotesquegabby]

I once again apologize because I'm pretty sure this is also a lot to ask X3 What would Cordie's future kiddos think of their cousins? :3 And only if you want, their other possible aunt and uncles? :D I of course mean Davey and Ula's spouses heheh

oh you are perfectly alright huehue~ uwu here we go~

@post-itpenny some more of yours are here as well~

Margaux: the one with much love but slight fear

Harper - This man makes her nervous. Hes beautiful but his expression scares me. Need to assess if he is actually safe to be around.

Penelope - This is mommas best friend! Clearly she can be trusted!

Amaranthus- mysterious lady is...mysterious. Is she..a witch? Getting witch vibes so shed be nervous around Amaranthus to start but....will learn to like her in time. uwu

Maggie - pretty lady reminds me of a cardinal.

Billy - Hes a pretty man. business business business is what comes to mind. This is the witches dad, is he a witch too. x3

Atlas - what? What! *Points at his head* does he wear those all the time! Can I wear kitty ears then? view him as this brave guy who goes around being himself no matter where he is.

Schrader - *Dreamy eyes as she stares at him* hes like a prince

Ally - Cute! is the first word that comes to mind.

Rory - will honestly be creeped out by Rory, just a feeling. Something aint right there. That smile makes her nervous.

Clara - a living doll, she is quite pretty. looks delicate like she could break like a porcelain doll, would worry since shes known to worry about such things.

Calliope -  oooh, shes pretty. She looks so nice, and Momma speaks highly of her for advice.

Cuckoo -  They are so kind looking. Will instantly trust Cuckoo upon meeting them.

Bingo - calm, yes perfect. uwu

Carney - a wild one, would be too shy to want to stick around Carney but if Ally was with him shed feel more comfortable. uwu shes just not a full of energy type of person

Orion and Hunter - due to the feeling both of them give her. Kind of creep her out a bit. Its the smile again.

Dante - This is a cool guy, I think my big brothers would like him a lot.

Robyn and Rayden - did these two together cause Margaux for a bit might  think theres only one of them for a bit till she finds them both together x3 she knows abut twins but itll be funny to see I thought x3 But she does like them they seem like fun people to her~

Ace - woah hes so big and strong looking.  I bet he can pick up everything. Maybe even a dinosaur, or a house.

Ferry - Is she a fairy? she might follow her around to see if she does magick. Will find out shes married to the strong man. Its a match made in heaven~

James - This is a nice man, she would love to spend time with James. Hes clearly so nice and shed adore him.

Magpie - that is a fun lady. colors, glowing and more.

Juno - She seems cool and Momma seems to like her. So she must be alright.

Vega - shes so wonderful, and kind. she bakes too. fast friends with this woman due to her sweet tooth.

Lyra - would be a bit nervous around Lyra but get over it soon enough. As Im sure Lyra would be welcoming to her.

Peregrine - nervous, might be scared of him.

Joseph -another nice man uwu this is the dad of the guy who wears antlers all day long.

Felix: The one with even more questions than before!

Harper - whys your face like that. Are you wearing makeup? Why are you wearing makeup? Are those feathers in your hair? Thats a bold fashion statement dont you think? Why do your eyes look like that?

Penelope - Miss Cordelia told me you guys used to be superheros. Are you still a superhero? Do you have super powers? Miss Cordelia said I shouldnt tell anyone else about it. Can I be a super hero too!?

Amaranthus - Are you a witch? do you eat kids? ooooh, I guess that is just fairytales. Are you one of those goth people then?

Maggie - Will notice the feathers on her and instantly are you an angel? Are you someones guardian angel? If he finds out she can see into the future ooh man prepare for lots of quesitons about it and of course Felix will start to worry and wonder if things will work out. He likes Cordelia and loves all of his new family he wont want to leave it anytime soon uwu so he might look to Maggie for some reassurance

Billy - will be transfixed by Billys eyes, with the two colors. Hes never seen it before so itll be interesting but Hes going to wonder if Billys a demon x3 and just flat out say it in front of people.

Atlas - Deerman! Do your antlers fall off like regular deer? Do you have hooves? No, awe that would have been so cool. I think it’d be cool to be part animal? Are you secretly part animal? like...*whispers* a deer superhero? *dreamy eyes* You are married to a very pretty lady.

Schrader - You are also married to a pretty lady~ uwu and he plays music! Will learn sign language so he can talk to Schrader better uwu

Ally - you are super cute! tells her this upon meeting her. just all :3

Rory - He doesnt understand why anyones nervous around this guy, they seem so nice. Look at that smile! :D so welcoming

Clara - a pretty lady who is more than meets the eye. He bets!  Plus she made these lovely toys for him and his sister so how bad could she possibly be?

Calliope - mixed feelings for Calliope. She seems really nice but his brother seems to think other wise.

Cuckoo - The Circus owner is a wonderful person and seeing that his brother would trust him right away He would as well uwu

Bingo - would love to catch her at roller derby competitions.

Carney - Wild one! Perfect for Felix, who has lots of energy. Cordelia wondering if Carney would like to babysit at least for Felix who wanted her to ask. x3

Orion and Hunter - wouldn’t have too much of an opinion on them yet

Dante - a cool guy who played in a band. are you still in the band? What do you play? how

Robyn and Rayden - would just like his sister get fooled as well to start x3 and then laugh upon realizing. Would think these two are cool as heck and man if one doesnt want to do something....the other could do it in their place. Have you two done that he wonders?

Ace - *flexs his little muscles* x3 Will want Ace to flex his muscles too. see if he can lift him, of course Ace can uwu but Felix just wants to be lifted~

Ferry - a nice lady who makes wonderful tarts and treats~<3 (- o.o-)

James - Miss Cordelia has talked about this nice man. And that he is a good family friend that the kids can go too uwu

Magpie -  Would love to go to her shows. This is a fun lady, look at her she is a master magician.

Juno - Lady of fire! mostly due to her fiery spirit. Will definitely want to hang out with her.

Vega - a very nice woman uwu mom of the deerman. Will ask if shes an animal person too. If he gets a good answer hell be excited x3

Lyra - not too much of an opinion yet

Peregrine - o3o why are you so grumpy looking? x3

Joseph -would seem nice enough uwu hes the dad of the deerman.

Damian: The one who pretends not to care

Harper - What the hell...why is he so...beautiful!

Penelope - She seems pretty nice. Clearly Cordelia’s bestie. can see why these two would get along so well.

Amaranthus - Digs the outfit.

Maggie - She seems nice

Billy - He can see getting along with this guy.

Atlas - Whats going on? Why are you wearing antlers? Whatever floats your boat. So your married to Cordelias big sister

Schrader -  Really cool guy, would love to hang out with Schrader.  Your also married to Cordelias big sister?

Ally - She seems very sweet and kind. And somewhat timid.

Rory - This dude here makes me....nervous not sure why they do.

Clara - She seems nice enough. Probably volunteers at homeless shelters which isn’t a bad thing no she just looks like she would.

Calliope - Now this woman here....is not...human. Theres just no way. Will he say this out loud? no.... x3

Cuckoo - Thinks Cuckoo is cool, they own a circus. Thats one of the coolest things to him.

Bingo - very serious are you and the tall guy...together? Thats not a bad thing no he just thinks they would fit together. Not that Damian is claiming to be a match maker no way x3 But hes going to find out about her roller durby and oof Shes going to be one of the coolest girls he knows!

Carney - Not too much of an opinion for him

Orion and Hunter - together they make him weary x3 but he does find them pretty neat. If they are

Dante - Definitely thinks Dante is a cool guy, he might get a reaction out of Damian thats eager and excited not annoyed. uwu

Robyn and Rayden - these guys are friends with Dante. And meeting them is going to be cool, imagine the pranks you can play as identical twins~

Ace - might be slightly intimidated by him but would pretend not to be x3

Ferry - She seems very sweet, and can see Ace and her dynamic really working out.

James - a genuinely nice person. He feels a connection to him for a reason.

Magpie - really colorful and fun. Can see why his sister would like her.

Juno - Hed definitely like her. Shes pretty cool, would enjoy hangning out with her.

Vega - same feeling as Lyra, more than meets the eye. He bets she is secretly a prankster.

Lyra - seems pretty cool, he has a feeliong about her that shes more than meets the eye.

Peregrine - I feel these two would just stare at each other or glare from across the room. x3

Joseph -Seems nice enough

I hope these are alright uwu

[negasonicimagines]

TEAM (Part Two)

I forgot to mention that this fic is partially inspired by Lorde’s “Team,” hence the title. Kind of about how no matter how much you and the other characters here bicker, you’re all on each others’ team.

This is the second part to TEAM (Part One) [but I hope that’d be obvious] and therefore is inspired by the same request and has essentially the same trigger warnings.

“So, you and Ellie, huh? About time,” Logan remarks, and you feel yourself blush.

“No! It’s not like that! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d be the luckiest girl in the world, but, uh… No, it’s not like that.”

“Are you sure about that? I’ve seen the way you two are together. When she’s not looking at you or her phone, she’s watching everyone else like a hawk, like they’re threats. Honestly, Piotr’s worried about her.”

At the mention of Wade’s friend, you’re reminded of what Logan said before, about the thing that he knew that he shouldn’t tell her, the thing Wade also knew.

“What was that, anyway? The thing you knew that you didn’t know before that you would’ve told me if you had but couldn’t tell me?”

“I’m afraid that’s Wade’s business.”

“Great,” you remark. “So, I’ll never know.”

“Listen, kid, I know the stuff he said-”

“Screamed.”

“The stuff he screamed at you was pretty fucking awful. But… He had his reasons, okay? Being around him, being as close to him as you were was dangerous. It made you a target,” Logan explains.

“When will you people realize that I can’t die forever?! I’ve died plenty of times, and I always come back! Let me make my own decisions!”

“How many times have you died, Y/N?” Logan asks.

“It’s just… Hard not to starve when my mom kicks me out over school breaks, especially with the metabolism that comes with a healing factor. I can’t stay with Wade all the time, he has himself and Al to worry about. Muggers don’t like when you don’t have money. Mom doesn’t like me when I don’t have money. I don’t know, probably like eight or nine times.”

“You should’ve come here!” Logan scolds, and you want to curl in on yourself, just like before. “I’m sorry. He and I both know just how much dying can fuck you up, so, to hear you say that you’ve died.... And that you don’t care if you do? It’s concerning, to say the least.”

“Boo-hoo, Y/N’s crazy. Who isn’t?” you remark, annoyed at his concern. Men, they always think they know better.

He sighs. “Listen. You should just talk to him, I’m sure-”

“No,” you say, and it comes out as a whimper. The wound was still fresh. “I don’t want to.”

“Hey, he’s not gonna hurt you,” Logan reassures you. “He probably feels bad for what he said, and-”

“I said no,” you cut him off, but the sad tone in your voice doesn’t make you sound very convincing.

“And he’s not gonna apologize unless he thinks you wanna hear it. You know how Wade gets when he feels guilty, he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”

“Well, I don’t wanna hear an apology. I just want him to be my friend again, like before. That’s it. I don’t care to know why, or how, or whatever. I just miss my friend,” you admit, and Logan sighs.

“Okay...”

“Is it alright if I go? I wanna get started on my Chemistry homework.”

“Yeah,” Logan says. “Go ahead. See you next Wednesday. Or, sooner, if you need anything.”

You leave the gym, making your way to your dorm  with your head down, when you bump into a familiar red-suited man.

“Sorry,” you squeak, not even able to meet the eyes of the mask, before attempting to go past him. He stops you, grabbing at your shoulder, but you flinch away. “Please d-don’t…”

“Y/N…” Wade murmurs, filled with remorse at his rampage. He’d made you scared of him, which means it worked, but he regrets how much it hurt you. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“You’re not, huh?” Ellie, swiftly approaching, asks. “Pretty sure you already did, Deadpool.”

“I just wanted-” he starts, but Ellie, your avenging angel, cuts him off.

“You just wanted what, huh? To terrorize them more, is that it?

“Terrorize? I-”

“You what? Didn’t? Because as someone who sleeps in the same room as Y/N, I can confirm that you did. They cry in their sleep like they did the day it happened. Did you know that, that you made them cry? I guess you do now. So, leave, before I decide I’m going to follow you out the door and blow you to Hell.”

“E-Ellie, I said not to hurt him,” you quietly tell her, and she clenches her fists, grumbling.

“You did?” Wade asks.

“Of course,” you respond meekly, tapping the tips of your fingers together and avoiding the gaze of everyone around you. and Ellie places an arm around you, glaring at Wade without mercy.

“I’m- I’m so sorry, Y/N. I- I just didn’t know what to do, so much was happening. I was so angry at the situation, so scared for your safety, and I took all that aggression out on you, the one person I should’ve been channeling those feelings into protecting, and I- I know I already said it, but I’m a blabbermouth with nothing else to say, so… I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, kid. I know you probably don’t care, you just wanna start over and stay the hell away from me, but I’m sorry. And my door’s always open.”

“Thank you. I forgive you,” you nod, smiling a little, You’re already starting to feel better, more like yourself.

“You what?” Ellie questions, shaking with anger. “He hurt you. He shouldn’t ever be forgiven.”

“She’s right,” Wade agrees, head down.

“Well, it’s my forgiveness, and I can do whatever the hell I want with it,” you remind them, shrugging.

“There she is,” Wade says quietly, and you can somehow tell that he’s smiling. You don’t know if it’s body language, tone of voice, or what, but he’s smiling.

“I’m sorry for making you worry. I’m gonna keep living here, and I’m gonna keep taking better care of myself, so no one has to worry about me again,” you inform him.

“Wrong goal, but I appreciate the method. I don’t mind worrying about you, kid, but I’d rather worry about you not doing your homework than about the next time you’re gonna collapse on my porch, dead.”

“What?” Ellie wonders, and you groan. “Wait, have you died?”

“Goddammit, Wade,” you grumble. “She didn’t know that.”

“H-how?”

“Not important,” you tell her.

“No, it is, Y/N. You want all of us to get over the fact that you can die, but the truth is that you need to get over the fact that we care if you die,” Wade corrects you. There’s no malice in his tone, but the words themselves cause anxiety to slither out of the pit of your stomach like a snake and curl around your lungs and heart, maintining a tight grip.

“It’s because of you not eating or sleeping enough, isn’t it?” Ellie asks. “That’s what you guys were in that fight about the other morning, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you admit, and Ellie closes her eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath and trying to remain calm for your sake, for her own sake.

“Right,” she responds, sighing. “Well, I’m not letting that happen again.”

“Challenge accepted,” you chuckle, and she rolls her eyes.

“I was just on my way back to Photography. Forgot my camera. See you later.”

She makes her way in the direction of the classroom, disappearing around a corner.

“Man, if she didn’t hate me before, she sure does now,” Wade says, and you smile, shaking your head. “Really?” he asks.

“Photography is Mondays and Thursdays… And she didn’t even have her camera.”

Wade scoffs. “Well, she’s definitely taking good care of you. I always knew she would, one day. When did you two finally make it official?  I’m sorry that I missed it.”

“We haven’t made anything official, Wade, she doesn’t like me like that. We’re just close friends.”

He rolls his eyes, going to playfully shove your shoulder, but you flinch away. He sighs.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. “I- I was so cruel, I just wanted to say whatever i could to get you away, to protect you, from m-”

“From what? The thing Logan keeps talking about?”

“What thing?” he asks, sounding a bit panicked.

“He keeps saying that there’s this thing he knows that he would’ve told me if he’d known before but he shouldn’t tell me now. It’s super weird, but he said you were going to tell me before you- You-” You stop yourself from continuing, still, shaking a little bit at the memory. It was only the day before yesterday.

“Yeah,” he responds quietly. “It was part of the reason I did that. I just- Us being friends was already dangerous, and you being- You- You’re- I- I’m so sorry I left you with her, if I’d known, if I’d known she was pregnant...I would’ve done the right thing! I’m not that kind of dirtbag, you’ve gotta believe me, and I’m just so, so sorry. Everything that’s wrong with your life, maybe it wouldn’t have happened if I’d just thought- If I’d just thought, but I was young, and stupid, and there’s nothing I can do now except own up to it, own up to the fact that I- I am- I’m- Oh, please…” He practically falls into you, wrapping his arms around your neck. You feel him shake with sobs, and you cry, too, but with a different emotion. Not regret, but happiness.

“You? You’re him?” you ask, and he readjusts himself, backing away from you.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked before hugging, I just didn’t think it was gonna be so hard, and you’re my best friend, and I- I don’t know, I don’t know. I’m so sorry that I’m your father.”

“You are? You’re sorry?” you ask, knowing that he’s apologizing because he regrets it, regrets you and your entire existence.

“Not in the way you’re thinking! You- You deserve so much better, I wanted so much better for you,” he reassures you, or, at least, attempts to.

“How do you even know?”

“I just… I talked to Xavier to see if he had any connections that could help me find your father, and he said he did, but he insisted that I give him a sample of my DNA to see if they match before he used his connections. I laughed it off, but then… it was a match.”

“How’d you get my DNA?” You wonder.

“Oh, I stuck a cotton swab in your mouth while you were sleeping. Wasn’t hard, you’re a really heavy sleeper,” he says, and you have a faint memory of the dream you had about a week ago where you were abducted by aliens that wanted to harvest your DNA to create genetically modified pet humans for their home planet. You laugh.

“So, you found out it was a match, and then… You were angry about it? Hated that the Wilson family legacy wasn’t going to end with you?”

“No. I was angry, yeah, but at myself. I was irresponsible, and my best friend in the whole world sufferred because of it. I never recognized your mom the times I’d seen her, and we had sex!”

“You had sex with my mom? Bro code violation alert!” you joke, and he chuckles bitterly.

“Right?” he responds. “But… I don’t even know where to go from here. Things can’t go back to normal, that’s not okay. I need to step up. And, even if it was the right thing to do, going back to normal… I get the feeling that you’re not gonna be that comfortable around me for a while. I was… I was just like my dad. My worst fucking fear.”

“You’re not him, okay? I promise.”

“I should be comforting you,” he says, stepping towards you. Out of renewed instinct, you step back. He’s heartbroken.

“Try- Try not to take it personally, I’m like this with just about everybody,” you attempt to make him feel better, but he shakes his head.

“You haven’t been like this with me, not before- Before I did what I did. Said those things, those awful, untrue things. Why did I say those things? They weren’t the truth, they were the opposite of it. I love hearing from you, it makes every day better. Finding you on my couch is a great feeling, knowing that someone as great as you trusts me, sees me as someone who can keep them safe.”

“And my memes?” You ask in a sarcastically accusatory tone.

“The funniest,” he replies. “Can I- Can I give you a hug?”

You nod, and he surges forward, wrapping you up in his arms and spinning you around.

“I always hoped it’d be like that,” you quietly admit, and he beams.

“Listen, we can talk later at dinner. I think you’ve got a certain girl you need to talk to, and she and her metal accomplice are approaching.”

“I think she’s his accomplice,” you correct with a laugh.

“Gotta bounce before the hardest guy on Earth ropes me into another mission. I’ll be back, though, kid.”

“Yeah. See you soon…”

“Wade’s fine for now, unless you wanna call me something else. We can negotiate later, ‘kay? Love you, bye.” Wade scurries down the hall, not realizing that he’s going towards the dorms, not the exit.

“Wade Wilson!” calls Piotr from behind you, and you turn around to see that Ellie is far closer to you than she is to Piotr, having gone faster on her smaller, lighter legs.

“Uh, hello…” you say dumbly.

“Based on your expression, I’d say that discussion went well.”

“Very well. Thank you for giving him the opportunity to talk to me alone, I’m sure you didn’t wanna do that.”

“I didn’t, but I figured it was the best option. Tell me more on the way to the dorm.”

“Well, uh… He apologized, a lot. Not just for the fights.”

“For letting you die?”

“No. Worse.”

“Holy shit, what’d he do, and why haven’t I heard about it?” She asks, tense.

“Because I didn’t know,” you reply defensively. “He’s- He’s my biological father, Ellie.”

“Whoa… Seriously? How long has he known?”

“I don’t know, but not long, the DNA tests were recently. He just wanted to help me find my dad and when he asked Xavier if he had any way of helping, the Professor said that he had to submit a sample to be tested. Turn’s out the old man’s hunch was right. You… You still wanna be friends, right?”

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I?” Ellie wonders.

“I just- I know you don’t like Wade very much, and I’m technically his daughter, so…”

“So? That doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore,” Ellie argues, and then covers her mouth.

“You love me?”

“Yeah, but just, like, in a friend way,” she plays it off rather smoothly, in her opinion, but you sigh in disappointment before you can stop yourself. “Wait, do you love me in a not-friend way?”

“Not really sure what you wanna hear,” you respond, feeling the recently-sealed cracks in your heart refracturing.

“Do you?” she asks.

You’re silent as the two of you walk to your shared dorm.

“Y/N, I asked you a question. Do you love me as a friend, or as more?”

You feel overheated and nauseous, that’s how nervous you are. You attempt to take some steadying breaths before answering: “More.”

“Oh, thank god…” she sighs. “I- I told you on Monday, when you fell asleep with me. But you were asleep, so, you didn’t hear me… Duh… I sound so stupid right now, don’t I?”

“No, not at all! Jeez, today just keeps getting better and better, I mean it!” You exclaim.

“Can- Can I kiss you?” Ellie asks nervously, and your eyes widen, but you nod. She takes your face in her hands and just goes for it, pressing her lips to yours. You respond immediately, wrapping your arms around her neck while her hands slip past your face and into your hair, tugging gently. You let out a small, quiet moan at that, and you can feel her smirk a little. She kisses you faster, pushing her body closer to yours, and your knees give out. She catches you in the nick of time, laughing a bit at how easily flustered you are as she nudges you toward the bed, sitting there with you. “Your knees are right, we probably shouldn’t rush into things.”

“Yeah…” you admit, resting your head on her shoulder.

“I love you…” She mumbles. “I’ve loved you for a long time, actually.”

“Same here. When did you know?”

Ellie replies: “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“I can tell you first, if you want,” you offer.

“Yeah, do that…” She says.

“I just realized that every time I was upset, you were there, making me feel better. Even if you didn’t know it. Every time my mom hit me, or I got stabbed by an asshole mugger, or I was about to faint from hunger… You were right there. Making my life better just by existing.”

“I wish I could’ve been right there in person, to help you,” Ellie says, and you shake your head.

“That’s not the point. The point is that you did, without even trying. You always make me happy, without even trying.You just have to be there and everything is better.”

“That’s really nice… I feel dumb now,” Ellie confesses.

“It’s not dumb! Probably not, I mean…” you reply, nuzzling her chest a bit as you try to get a bit cozier.

“Um...You probably don’t know this, but I used to get in fights a lot before we met. And Piotr would always lecture me, telling me it wasn’t heroic to fight out of anger. That I should fight for something, not because of something. That I should be aware of the consequences that come with fighting, and truly think about them before I did. I never understood what he meant, and then we met and became friends… Then best friends…

“I didn’t even realize that before every fight, even the ones I was assigned, I’d think about how I was going to make the world a better place for you. I’d think about what you would think if you heard what I was doing. I- I made a mistake at one point, got angry over nothing and got into another stupid, pointless fight. It was the first time in awhile I’d heard Colossus’s spiel, and I realized my thinking process with every world he spoke. It all just made me think of how I feel about you. You’d made me a better person, more mindful of the consequences of my actions, my thoughtless, immature violence. That’s when I knew.”

“Oh, shut up! That’s way better than mine and not embarrassing at all! Show-off,” you remark, and she chuckles.

“That was fucking beautiful!” Wade wails from behind the door.

“I think I liked it better when you two weren’t friends,” Ellie comments, and you smile at her, shaking your head. She takes your hand in hers and squeezes gently.

“Oh, come on. You can’t hate him. I mean, I wouldn’t exist without him, for a few reasons. I mean, he’s the one who passed me the gene for a healing factor, even if his was recessive before. And, I mean, he’s the sperm donor either way.”

“I heard that!” he shouts, and Ellie smiles at you, planting another kiss on your lips.

You could get used to this.

[co27]

Aw, that Sprx + Antauri comic was great! Whether or not you agree w/Sprx or Antauri or both it's just heartbreaking how little time anyone could process what happened in the S2 finale. They just kept having to move on and even when they did have time it probably felt too awkward to bring it up if Antauri wasn't going to. I wish Sprx had said something like this in canon because it feels so IC for how he much he feels for his team. I felt so bad for both of them (hopefully Ant gets his say too).

HI IVE BEEN AT CAMP ALL DAY SO IM ONLY JUST ABLE TO ANSWER THIS!!!

okay uh. this is. a lot longer than i intended it to be but the cut isnt working atm so..... sorry jfmskfkd

RHANK YOU SO MUCUUCH any of my friends can tell u i have a LOT of feelings on sparx/antauri.. like like it or not sparx has a LOT of understandimg/intuition when it comes to his friends, his problem is just that hes never able to confront ppl about things civilly, w sparx its always accusations and anger and stuff. HE HAS A BIG HEART!!!

im rly happy to be exploring his dynamic w the team in my art/writing bc (like i said in the notes of my awesome fic that u should definitely read) his relationships with anyone besides nova is Never talked about in depth!! i feel like if srmthfg was more modern or even got a fmab-style redo it would probably have a lot more room to explore their various relationships and stuff...... but alas. early 2000s plot stuff.

also, a LOT of ppl seem to be wanting like... a sequel comic where they talk and resolve things and im not gonna lie it started as a self-indulgent doodle at midnight that i planned on not showing anyone, so i really cant promise a follow-up with antauris pov....... id LOVE to do it but honestly im not sure how i would go about it without it feeling forced or something. i ADORE antauri but like u said, unless he initiates it a lot of the team is just... unwilling to confront him about things and antauri isnt exactly great at explaining his thoughts lol.

as the sort of resident Big Brother of the team he has SO MUCH faith in the hyperforce to be able to handle things on their own that he doesnt realize his absense feels less like “i trust you all to take care of yourselves while i take care of this” and more like “youre not important enough to be clued in to or included on my escapades”

naturally sparx as the resident hothead with no respect for authority would be the one to let it slip to antauri that he cant just do whatever the fuck he wants and stuff, which is part of why i wrote this comic between them in the first place.. like, sparx is the ONLY team member who would ever doubt antauri, even for a second. he would never actually believe antauri meant to hurt them, but BOY is he hurt anyways.

sparx CLEARLY has a tendency to lash out, and paired with antauris complete and total calmness/detachment, i think it would piss off sparx a lot. however, the ONLY thing i think that could actually hurt antauri is when sparx takes a dig at the power primate/antauris trust in them. antauris hurt because hes realizing he completely let the team down. we dont actually know exactly how long chiro was running around as a monkey, but it was long enough for the remaining team to contact jinmay, repair the robot, and start rebuilding shuggazoom, which could be anywhere from three days to three WEEKS.

and like.... antauri cant exactly DISAGREE with sparx here, either, which is the problem. antauri probably WOULD tell sparx “im sorry i let you down, i have complete trust and faith in you and didnt think i would be gone or even that the skeleton king and worm had survived after i sacrificed myself, i understand your pain and i shouldnt have done it” but.....

sparx wouldnt like that. sparx HATES having this big question mark, this big simmering energy telling him that antauri could ever betray them. sparx loves antauri, he trusts him, he knows he would never hurt them intentionally. but antauri still died on them. and having antauri actually admit to his mistake and to acknowledge all of that hurt would probably be too much for him to handle

so.... i cant say for certain whether ill write a resolution, or whether theres even a resolution to be given. i care about these dumb monkeys a lot but like i said......... self-indulgent comic at midnight. i didnt even plan on it being more than 4 panels so making it a whole entire comic was super unexpected, as well as the positive reception the comic has been given

[falloutboywife]

miss you on Twitter nyan! I wasn’t very active on my account so I don’t exactly know what happened but I hope you’re doing well! I’m sorry you had to go through that ugly situation. Stay safe, sane and healthy!

thank u so much anon, yeah I've just been staying away from that site and I've been having a much more positive online experience here lol. the following response is only going to make sense to like three of you but I can't answer anon messages privately so hashtag deal with it

I was so sick of constant drama and constant bullshit and that shit that happened with those people was definitely the last straw for me. chai and riz were telling me about how now antis are stealing people's art and reposting it because "art theft is fine if the artist is bad and my definition of bad is extremely arbitrary and biased" is a really great take and I could not be happier not being around that constantly garbage LOL

it seriously is just one thing after another and people on both sides constantly trying to pick fights with each other over the dumbest most inconsequential shit. like people on Twitter act like you're a martyr for civil rights because you draw porn of cartoon characters and they act like the freedom to consume and distribute whatever porn you want is the ultimate problem society faces, and while I'm definitely very anticensorship and I think that you can like whatever you want so long as it's not real, apparently to some people that means that sending porn to minors and having sexual discussions with them is Gucci and epic and if you think there's something wrong with that then you're an anti and an sjw (one of my friends involved and trying to get those people to realize that's an awful fucking stance to have literally got told she was acting like an anti because she said sharing porn with kids is illegal)

like even if you do agree that yes, you shouldnt fucking send porn to minors and defending it makes you look really fucking bad, a lot of people on there straight up act like fictional porn is the only thing in the world that matters and I'm so glad tumblr has a porn ban because I can just be a freak in the tags LOL no one can stop me from suckling on babystump

for those of you just tuning in, I got involved in this group of friends who insisted on defending their constitutional right to send porn to minors, yes I am being serious, and it made me so angry I left Twitter LMAO

anyway anon you should send me your discord because it sounds like we were mutuals on twitter. this was a huge fucking rant that no one asked for about an extremely specific situation

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

The Least I Can Do (Part 3)

Summary: Jensen takes the reader on their second date where she experiences her first con...

Part 1 Part 2

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Word Count: 3,100ish

Warnings: language

A/N: They just keep getting longer somehow...

“Morning sunshine,” said Jensen when you opened your door, a small carry on by his feet.

“Morning,” you said, waving him in. “There’s coffee if you want some.”

“Already made some,” he said, holding up a thermos. “You ready to go?”

“You texted me like three minutes ago saying to pack some clothes and whatever stuff I wanted,” you said, walking past your couch and into your bedroom where your empty backpack sat on the unmade bed.

“Was that not enough time?” he teased. 

“Do I need a dress? Nice shoes? A parka? I need to know what this con weekend thing is. Or where it even is,” you said.

“Are you that obsessed with clothes?” he asked and you scowled. Oh, if there was one stereotype you hated as much as the sleeping around underwear model it was the superficial clothes and makeup obsessed thing. “Y/N, relax. It was a joke.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t go,” you said. “We really don’t know much about each other and-”

“If you don’t want to go, then that’s fine. But please don’t change your mind because I tried to tease you and touched a nerve. I don’t think you care about name brands and crap like that really,” he said. 

“So,” you said giving him a smile. “Jeans and tees?”

“That’ll be fine. We’re going to a concert tonight too,” he said and you raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, give me ten minutes?” you asked and he smiled, pulling your door shut before you stopped him. “I’m not worried about you seeing my underwear drawer.”

“I don’t want to see my presents early,” he said with a smirk. 

“Oh don’t try this cocky flirting game with me Ackles. You’re gonna lose,” you said, watching him hold up his hands.

“I’ll behave for the foreseeable future,” he said. “Let me know when you’re ready to go.”

“Alright. Oh and Jensen?” you asked, watching him whip his body around after heading into your living room. “How much do I owe you for the plane ticket and hotel and stuff?”

“Nothing,” he said. “I didn’t have to pay for it so don’t argue that you should have to.”

“Wait, this is a show thing?” you asked. He nodded as he sat down. “Awesome.”

“Awesome?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“I may or may not have binged like four episodes last night...” you said, walking back into your room to pack.

“So, are you a Sam or Dean girl?” he asked.

“What’s that?” you asked.

“Which one are you attracted to,” he said, a laugh in his words. “I’ve got an idea.”

“Oh, I like John,” you said. “He’s got that hot older guy thing going on.”

“You realize I’m currently older than he was when the show started, right?” asked Jensen.

“You’ve got that hot older guy thing going on ya know,” you said, popping your head out the door with a smirk. “Although you were an adorable baby boy back then. Your voice was so much higher.”

“Is this that flirty tease thing I’m getting now?” he asked. “I’ll give it right back sweetheart.”

“That’s a very Dean thing to say,” you said, walking into your closet and pulling on your airport outfit. A pair of leggings, the first tee in sight and a light hooded jacket. You slipped on your throw away shoes, the ten dollar sneakers that you didn’t give a crap about but held up amazingly well and threw your hair back in a ponytail. You tossed a pair of jeans, three shirts, pajama shorts, some underwear and your to go zip up with all your personal care crap in it. You quickly grabbed headphones, charger and a book before you were zipping it up.

“That was fast,” he said when you walked out after only a few minutes. “You sure you don’t want your laptop?”

“We’ll be busy probably,” you said. You glanced over to your dinner table covered with a few sheets of paper and your computer. 

“True. Okay. Everything off, and-”

“I have travelled before,” you said, walking over to your thermostat and turning it down.

“Thankfully it’s not across country today. Only a couple hours down to Arizona,” he said, stepping out before you so you could lock up behind you. 

“You still haven’t told me about what a con is Ackles,” you said, testing your door before walking with him.

“If you’re already binging the show, you’re going to have fun.”

“What?” you asked the front desk when you were checking into your hotel early that afternoon.

“We never received a request for a second room. Unfortunately we’re booked up,” they said and you sighed before heading over to where Jensen was talking to Jared in the lobby, waiting to go up to their rooms.

“Um, they don’t have a room for me,” you said, looking out the front doors. “I can try the hotel across the street.”

“Seriously?” said Jared. “They normally don’t screw up stuff like that.”

“I’ll bunk with Jared and you can have my room,” said Jensen, offering a smile. Jared seemed okay with that but you definitely weren’t.

“It’s your room, you should keep it,” you said. 

“I mean, you guys could share too. Not like you’re dating or anything...” said Jared, bumping his arm into Jensen.

“It hasn’t even been 24 hours,” said Jensen.

“I’m okay with sharing. We wanted to spend more time with each other. That’s the reason I came in the first place, right?” you asked. 

“If he annoys the crap out of you just kick him out and send him to my room,” said Jared, patting your on the back. “Want to meet up in a few hours and grab dinner?”

“Sounds good to me,” you said. “Apparently there’s a concert tonight he’s taking me to so we should be back in time for that.”

“Yeah. I’m sure that’ll be fun for you,” said Jared, sharing some sort of silent look with Jensen. “Later guys.”

“What was that about?” you asked. Jensen threw his arm over your shoulders and started leading you over to the elevators. For a moment you forgot all about the conversation were absolutely focused on all the warm muscle around you. 

“Y/N? Hello?” he asked, waving a hand in front of your face. Whoops. 

“Um, sorry, zoned out. What’d you say?” you asked, Jensen’s arm moving away to press your floor button and you wished he’d put it back.

“I may or may not be part of the concert tonight. I haven’t decided yet,” he said. You tilted your head up at him to see his green eyes staring back. 

“Yes you have you little flirt,” you said.

“I have to make you think I’m cooler than I actually am. I’ll use this to my advantage in any way possible,” he said, bumping into you playfully. 

“Right, because tall blonde and handsome isn’t cool,” you teased. Jensen was about to spout off something flirty back but a hand caught the closing doors and his arm quickly fell away. Two young women around your age stepped in, their eyes a little wide. He must not have wanted to draw any attention to you yet.

“Hi,” one of them said to Jensen. 

“Hi,” he said back. “You guys here for the con?”

“Yeah, it’s our first one,” said the other women. Jensen seemed genuinely happy as you realized they were both a little nervous to be near him.

“Y/N’s too,” he said, pointing at you. “What floor you guys on?”

“Fifth,” they said, Jensen hitting the button for them. 

“Are you going to sing at the concert tonight?” one asked as they got to their floor.

“I was planning on it. Have fun this weekend,” he said, returning the wave they gave him as they slipped out. 

“You handled that really well,” you said when you were alone. He shrugged.

“I’m used to it. Most people are super nice. We don’t really do bad stuff or get in trouble so no one bothers us on a day to day basis. No one follows me around or takes my picture. I’m boring. This is the most attention I get really,” he said.

“I like that about you. You’re normal,” you said.

“Let’s see how this weekend goes first and see if I’m worth keeping around.”

“Hey,” said Jensen, hopping backstage after finishing up a song, covered in a thin layer of sweat. “Having fun?”

“I wish you could have seen the exact moment her jaw dropped,” said Jared with a laugh.

“Oh my...you’re like fucking amazing,” you said, not sure where to look at him first. “You look like a rockstar and sound like one and play guitar, not to mention all the acting stuff and-”

“Told you I had to make myself seem cool,” he said, grabbing a drink of water.

“Mission accomplished,” you said, still in awe over him.

“I wonder how long that’ll last,” said Jared, Jensen whacking him with his bottle. “Hey, you got to tease the shit out of me when Gen and I got together. Payback’s a bitch.”

“I was totally in favor of you guys!” said Jensen. “I didn’t do it the second day you knew Gen.”

“I’m making up for lost time,” said Jared. “I mean, I don’t see you saying anything to Y/N for saying how cute your butt looks in those jeans.”

“Jared! You were sworn to secrecy,” you said, slapping his arm. 

“I need protection from you two,” he joked. “Besides, we don’t have secrets in this family.”

“He’s right. We don’t. Seriously though, you think I have a cute butt?” asked Jensen with a wink.

“Your cool guy factor is going down you realize,” you said, crossing your arms.

“Twenty seconds. That was longer than I thought,” said Jared, standing and stretching. 

“Shudyup,” said Jensen. You listened to a few more songs before the show ended and you stood up to head back to your room. “Woah, where do you think you’re going?” he asked, catching your arm.

“Bed?” you said back.

“If you want to we can. Or we can go out for a few hours,” he said. 

“I’m game. Not sure about an old timer like yourself,” you said, Jared raising his eyebrows as Jensen squinted.

“Oh, we’ll see about that.”

“Why is your alarm going off. We went to bed three hours ago,” you groaned.

“Sorry. Morning panel,” he said, his voice thick with sleep but willing himself to get up from the other side of the bed. “You can go back to bed if you want and just see the afternoon one.”

“No, I wanna,” you mumbled, stretching out and slumping back into bed. 

“Sure about that?” he asked, pulling off his shirt and walking to the bathroom. 

“I’m sure,” you said. You flashed open your eyes and quickly shut them before your eyes started wandering all over him. “Why are you so perfect?”

“I’m really not,” he said. “Something’s obviously not right.”

“Hm?” you asked, sitting up and opening your eyes.

“Forget it. I’ll shower quick then you can have it. Panel starts at 8,” he said.

“Jensen?” you asked. You watched him take a long sip from his coffee just before his and Jared’s panel was supposed to start.

“This one is only thirty minutes or so. Then we can grab breakfast,” he said, offering a smile.

“You just didn’t meet the right person,” you said, his smile falling away. “I don’t think you should feel bad about not having met that person yet.”

“I didn’t say any of that,” he said. 

“You didn’t need to,” you said.

“Hopefully I finally met her. Even if she thinks I’m old,” he said, Jared rolling his eyes behind him, mouthing ‘idiot’ at him. “What is Jared doing?” he asked, turning around in his seat to see Jared walking away.

“Oh, just being a good friend,” you said. “Come on, I want to see my first panel.”

“This one is smaller so it’s a good place to start I hope,” said Jensen, standing and holding out a hand for you. You followed until someone pointed out where you could go so you could sneak into the audience. You were surprised at how informal the whole process was, how a simple question led to a story and then another but somehow they always seemed to stay on track. You found yourself wanting more by the time it was over.

“You two are adorable,” you said to the guys when you saw them after they’d finished. “No wonder you play such good brothers.”

“We spend a lot of time together. As you can tell by how much Jared’s been hanging out on our second date,” said Jensen. Jared didn’t take offense and asked if you’d met any of the other people at the con yet. “We’ve been hanging out so not really.”

“Do it before we head home. Everyone’s interested in meeting your new girlfriend,” said Jared.

“I haven’t even asked that yet,” said Jensen, his face heating up the more Jared teased.

“Jared, can you give us a minute?” you asked. You waited for the two of you to be alone in the hall.

“Thanks,” he said. “I know this is probably overwhelming on it’s own and-”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” you asked, looking up at confused green eyes. “Yeah, I was talking to you.”

“This isn’t scary or weird to you?” he asked. 

“I like you. You like me. We’ll be going on more dates. I think we check off those criteria for boyfriend and girlfriend,” you said, reaching out and taking one of his large hands in yours.

“You’ve got a point,” he said. “I guess we’re together then.”

“I guess we are,” you said back.

“Can I go show you off to my friends now?” he asked with a smile.

“I’d love to.”

“This weekend was a lot of fun,” you said, yawning as you opened your door to your apartment that night. Jensen nodded and yawned in turn. 

“I’m really glad you came,” he said. “Maybe you can come to another one if you want.”

“Uh, duh. Those panels were awesome. I’ve definitely got some catching up to do,” you said, tossing your bag down and walking over to your phone on the wall showing a message.

“You are so going to be a Dean girl,” said Jensen, watching you tilt your head curiously. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you said. “It’s just I haven’t given out this number in ages. The only people who have it is my modeling agency and even then they always call my cell or email, never this one.”

“Well now I’m intrigued. Let’s take a listen,” he said, walking inside and taking a seat on your kitchen counter.

“Let’s hope it’s fast. Walking Dead comes on in like ten minutes,” you said.

“Do you mind if I hang out and watch with you?” he asked, kicking his feet softly.

“No ya little cutie,” you said with a giggle. “Does someone like that show or something?”

“Yeah. Papa Winchester is on it now so of course I gotta watch,” he said.

“Now that’d be a hell of a crossover,” you said, remembering how to listen to your voicemail. It took a few tries before the message came through.

Hi Y/N. I don’t know if you remember me from Friday. I was the director in that orange baseball hat. I just wanted to say thanks for stepping in and helping us out at the last minute.

“That’s nice of him,” you said, turning to Jensen who looked skeptical.

We saw your resume from your agency and the producing team was wondering if you could stop down Monday at 10. We’re obviously doing this by the seat of our pants but if you could come in and read a few lines just to try for us we’d be forever grateful. Your agency said you just finished a contract and this might be a great opportunity for us all if you’re interested. I understand if you don’t want to, this is pretty far out of your normal realm of work. Thanks again.

“Oh,” you said, turning to look at Jensen.

“It’s your decision, not mine,” said Jensen. “Have you ever acted before?”

“The last acting I did was Girl #4 in my fifth grade play,” you said.

“Do you want to try this?” he asked, offering a soft smile. You had enjoyed the three seconds of doing it before. That really was getting to pretend to be someone else, kind of like when you modeled. But it was different. There was a story to it and you were lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want to at least go and try in the morning. 

“Yeah, I do,” you said, nodding your head.

“We’ll watch zombies another night,” he said. “You’ve got other homework tonight,” he said, standing and moving over to your couch.

“What homework?” you asked, watching as he turned on your TV and quickly got into Netflix.

“Supernatural silly. If you’re going to read for Dean’s love interest, you should watch some more of the show,” he said, patting the spot next to him.

“Do you...want me to get this part?” you asked, walking over and joining him.

“I get to act that I’m falling for a girl while I’m actually falling for the girl that plays her? Why would I ever want that?” he teased.

“I guarantee I’m going to be awful at this tomorrow,” you said, feeling his arm wrap around your shoulders, pulling you into him.

“You won’t know if you don’t take a chance,” he said.

“When it comes to you and chances they’ve worked out so far. I guess we see what happens tomorrow,” you said. Jensen kissed the top of your head and your face began to hurt from the wide smile that had formed. At least until you started paying attention to the episode.

“Are those kids playing Bloody Mary? That scared the crap out of me as a kid,” you said, snuggling a little closer to Jensen.

“This one still creeps me out,” he said. “Obviously we should watch with the lights off.”

“If I get nightmares I blame you Ackles,” you said.

“If you get nightmares, just call me and I’ll pop down and sleep on your couch. Make sure nothing bad gets you,” he said, wrapping both arms around you and squeezing you gently.

“You can always just crash here just in case,” you said, letting him decide if he wanted to stay over.

“Good idea,” he said with a nod. “Now we should be quiet seeing as there’s a ridiculously good looking man on the screen,” he said.

“I’ll let Jared know you think so fondly of him,” you said.

“Shudyup and learn how cocky but good of a guy Dean Winchester can be.”

A/N: Read Part 4 here!

@charliebradbury1104 @everyday-supernatural-af @squirels-angels-and-moose@youwerelikeadream @drugpug @darkx143 @kristaparadowski @tom-is-in-my-tardis  @tanithlowisabamf @smoothdogsgirl @dancingalone21 @ktrivia @demonic-meatball@feelmyroarrrr @cojootromuelle@illisea  @gallifreyansass @fangirl1802 @itstheprincess@casgetoutofmydiddlydarnass @mogaruke @secretlyfurrydragon @ria132love @heycassbutt-67@aingealcethlenn @docharleythegeekqueen  @missmotherhen@smacklesandstretch67@tumblinwith-me @awkwardcupcake95 @heaven-is-aplaceonearthwithyou @hey-um-misha@imissyoualittlemoreeveryday @lovelife-tothefullest @safehaven1097 @under-general-asthetics @perpetualabsurdity @emilytehrani  @supernaturalismalife @laurenw1025

[transient-tutor]

RILEY: -it's been a long night of mixed emotions and very little sleep, a long night of staring at her oldest in comatose, a long night of thinking and overthinking and not so much talking. it's afternoon now, and both she and Derek have to go back to the room for something, anything that's a taste of a routine life outside of all this tragedy and loss. Riley walks ahead first and looks around blankly before just sitting on the bed to just lie down and face the wall.-

DEREK: -he follows her into the room, just ghosting along in step with some semblance of familiarity. there's always something to do around here if he just looks for it. maybe rearrange his things. he's always making a mess of the room anyway and though he doesn't usually care and prefers it that way, right now he only feels offended by the mess.- 

DEREK: -while riley lies down unmoving, he can't stop moving. he gathers up puppets and puts them up on a shelf... rearranges them a few times before suddenly shoving them and EVERYTHING ELSE off the surface with a loud clatter.-

RILEY: -rolls back around at the loud sudden sound and sighs seeing how intentional it was. he's tense, but so is she.- is that really fucking necessary?

DEREK: Fuck! -and cue the pacing. it's unclear if he was swearing at her, or just in general. there's a good chance he didn't even hear her.-

RILEY: -she watches him pace and pushes herself up so she's sitting again- yeah. same.

RILEY: glad we can talk.

DEREK: -that seems to have gotten his attention now and he spins to look at her.- What are we gonna talk about Riley huh? 

DEREK: You just wanna get on me then go ahead and say somethin. 

DEREK: Tell me how Im supposed to be feelin right now!

RILEY: -she feels herself growing angrier with the way he's speaking to her (as if she isn't doing the same) and narrows her eyes at him- you don't have to wreck the room and yell about it because that's gonna do a whole lot of fuck all. 

RILEY: he's my son too.

DEREK: Yeah? And what good is lyin around gonna do either? 

DEREK: You aint said a damn thing to me until now and you werent gonna. Only shit you got to say is what I should and shouldnt be doing. 

DEREK: Fuck. 

DEREK: Dont pretend you got some high ground over me just because Im angry and you dont wanna deal with it.

RILEY: -she stares at him, mouth slightly agape in an offended kind of disgust- i said nothing about being better than you so you're making that shit up. 

RILEY: how am i gonna deal with it, derek? knock shit over? YELL ABOUT IT? -swipes a lamp off the nightstand and onto the floor- MY SON IS IN A COMA AND MIGHT NEVER WAKE UP! 

RILEY: -kicks the same nightstand and a picture frame falls off- i feel great now!

DEREK: Dont fucking mock me! 

DEREK: -he just turns away and goes back to pacing. he knows he's being irrational, but he can't stop. it all hurts too much, it's too scary. it's all going back to the way it was. would anything ever really change?- 

DEREK: -once he's gotten some distance from her, he aims more of this pent up anger at the wall with his fist. and again and again until his knuckles bleed.- 

DEREK: WHY IS IT ALWAYS THEM? 

DEREK: THEY DONT FUCKING DESERVE THIS! 

DEREK: AND THERES NOTHING I CAN FUCKING DO! THERES NEVER BEEN A GODDAMN THING I COULD DO!

RILEY: -she doesn't even realize that she's crying until she tastes the salt, her gaze pinned on him. This is all so scary, so familiar, and her adrenaline is so far up she feels like she could destroy everything around her in one go. but it still stings painfully to watch him keep hurting himself like that. her voice cracks slightly- DEREK, STOP!

DEREK: -the sound of desperation in his voice is enough to rip him back to reality. it only takes that moment for the pain to register, in his hand and in his heart, and just as fast the tears are starting to roll down his cheeks as well. he looks down at the blood smeared over tattered skin, unable to think or act at all. he can only feel. and it's awful.-

RILEY: -she's silent at first aside from her own sniffling, and it reminds her of years and years ago when they lost Dirk the first time and she'd do nothing but watch him like this. Times where she needed to step up even if it felt like the hardest thing she could ever do.- baby, come here. -she says it quietly, but loud enough for him to hear accompanied by restrained sobs-

DEREK: -he feels a similar apprehension, but he's afraid of hurting her. he knows what he's capable of doing and saying. he's already done enough damage here. still, even with all the fear and doubts running through his mind, more than anything he just wants her support and to be with her. he wipes away tears with his good hand before he turns towards her again, sluggishly dragging himself to her side, weighed down by exhaustion and guilt.-

RILEY: -she holds out her hand as she's sitting: a peace offering, in a method that doesn't beg him to depend on her but instead invites him to join her. she knows her pain is too fresh to soothe his alone but she knows that carrying it together is what they need to do- i'm sorry i'm... 

RILEY: i'm sorry i'm being a bitch. 

RILEY: and for just... -let's out an unamused laugh- doing what i always did. 

RILEY: hid in bed instead of-- -she has to gather herself for a moment- talking to you.

DEREK: -places his hand in hers gently, taking the invitation easily.- I wasnt bein fair. 

DEREK: Im sorry. 

DEREK: And Im sorry if I scared you. 

DEREK: -sniffs, squeezing her hand gently.- I dont wanna be like that.

RILEY: -squeezes his hand back tightly- the only thing that scared me was how easy it was for us to go down that road again. -she brings his bloody knuckles up to her face so she can kiss them, just barely- i really fucking need you, you know? even when i try to act like i don't.

DEREK: -swallows back the lump in his throat as he watches her.- ... I need you too. -it gets a little easier every time he says it. and it gets a little easier to accept, too.- 

DEREK: I think I... 

DEREK: Need you more now than I ever did. 

DEREK: Probably goes both ways huh?

RILEY: nope. you're on your own there.

DEREK: ... Shut the fuck up. -wheeze.-

RILEY: -she smiles just a little despite all the tears- don't think i could do life without you anymore if i had to.

DEREK: -scoffs a little too when she laughs, raising her hands now to kiss them himself.- Same here. 

DEREK: I dont want to.

RILEY: -leans in to kiss him briefly- i...want to try something.

DEREK: -blinks, looking down at her curiously.- Alright. Whats that?

RILEY: -leans over to get onto her feet so she can make her way over to a cabinet where she hoarded a lot of ceramic cafeteria plates...for snacking, of course.- i just wondered if you had a point. -puts a stack of them on top of their dresser before taking one and throwing it at the opposite wall until it shatters into pieces-

DEREK: -he's a little startled by her suddenly causing a ruckus like this.- Shit-- -but then he laughs.- 

DEREK: Youre crazy. 

DEREK: Howd it feel though?

RILEY: -looks over at him- kind of...nice.

DEREK: -smirks and grabs himself a plate too before chucking it at the wall.- 

DEREK: Feels good to let all that shit out doesnt it?

RILEY: -watches it smash and it feels like a breath of fresh air. she grabs another and throws it as hard as she can- take that, universe. fuck you!

DEREK: -laughs at that.- Yeah baby. Show em whos the fucking boss.

RILEY: -and again- SUCK MY DICK!

DEREK: -snrk- Wonder whos gonna clean all this up. -chucks another even as he says this.-

RILEY: sure as hell ain't me. -just one more before she sighs loudly and plops back down on the bed- or you either. there's gotta be some kind of ceramic vaccuum.

DEREK: -takes a seat with her and then uses this opportunity to start cleaning and bandaging his hand finally.- Bet we can get one of those service drones to deal with it.

RILEY: -butts in to help him with that process- yep. cuz it sure as hell ain't us.

DEREK: -kinda lets her take over just so he can watch her and leans in to kiss her on the head.-

RILEY: -closes her eyes just for a second, truly appreciating the feeling of his lips on her head. she pauses for a moment before taking his uninjured hand and placing it on her stomach- 

RILEY: can you feel that?

DEREK: -looks down at her belly, paying close attention for any movement.- She gettin rowdy again?

RILEY: -she's definitely wiggling around in there- i think she has the hiccups. also doing somersaults or some shit i don't know. give it a sec.

DEREK: -snickers- Maybe shes throwing a tantrum cuz we were. -rubs a small circle where his hand is. relax in there.-

RILEY: -smiles a little- probably. shit, what if she's just like us? we're in for it now.

DEREK: Have some sense like your brothers do baby girl. 

DEREK: If youre gonna inherit our traits let me be the good ones. 

DEREK: Like my devilish good looks for example. -talking to ryan is relaxing him... like it always does.-

RILEY: she's gonna be beautiful. and also look nothing like you. just watch.

DEREK: The fuck? Rude. 

DEREK: -wraps his arms around her middle.- Youre just giving me attitude cuz youre cranky. 

DEREK: We should take a nap. -he just wants to rest too...-

RILEY: i'm giving you attitude because you deserve it. -leans back against him- yeah. 

RILEY: i'm all for that nap shit.

DEREK: -kisses on her again before lowering them both to lie down.-

RILEY: -and in his arms she realizes she's more tired than she thinks she is, and surprisingly, she's able to close her eyes-

[thenameisbinx]

Blame Monday

ive been wanting to write down this entry since tuesday but i was busy trying to regulate my thoughts. Writing has always been my point of solace where in i find peace of mind and a completely different outlet as to talking to my friends about what im going through. i’ve set to making this entry in defining my roles and the effect of them. however, i ended up realizing its too complicated to describe. 

so let’s start it like this instead. 

Facade - a false, superficial, or artificial appearance or effect

OK. let’s not waste anytime by letting people see who you really are.  Smile for the audience and don’t show that your hurt, in pain, or depressed. Keep moving and show that you’re fine. be in everyone’s good graces. please them like a slave. adapt, change for them, plead for their acceptance. All the while, bury your thoughts of reality within you. you’ll get to that stage where youre always wanted. 

Reality bites. you keep wearing a mask for too long that you forget how to be weak, to be vulnerable. i learned that word when i was seven. one of the words you learn at that age where words originating from the french language. it was along the lines of “rendezvous” words or english classes that tries to teach different sounds of words that has literal sounding letters. When the teacher told us what it means, i always thought it was acting. Facade is a character that you want to play but not in a movie, but in your life. it dawned on me that ive been doing that awhile. since i could remember. Then i keep just playing along. 

Before, i would bring the sadness of my day by showing to the people that i’m ok. That it doesnt hurt. My mom pulled my hair and complained how thick it was, even if i was sitting still not wanting her to try to do my hair. called me, “worthless” and “incompetent”. instead of crying, i’d laugh and play around with some classmates the moment i get to school. Or the time that my sister made fun of how ugly i was in front of her friends, that i’m just an orphan. I just talked back and said, “Well, at least im not fat.” Then, there was this one time that my dad scolded me for trying to play in my undergarments, i wasnt naked but i was wearing a thick white top under my uniform and some thick shorts thats long enough to touch my knee under my skirt, like my friends were doing at school. i wore three layers everyday and wasnt allowed to take it off till i go home but i saw some kids doing it. took a layer off and played. i was 6. Dad dragged me out of my school yard and slapped me right in front of the guard. Don’t get me started with my brother. let’s just say, he never made me feel like im important in the family. he’s the only person that treats me like im nothing and no one until now. like my opinions didnt matter, or as if what i do doesnt have any relevance. yet, i’m the jolly one. the funny one. the energetic one. the loud one. the push over. easy definition, the masochist. Harsh but partially true.  

Now, implications. still, verbal cues. like, “lazy”, or “stupid”. in the family, its more verbal but emotional responses. Mostly they cuss, or scream or yell. If i reciprocate the same but not intentionally, i still get scolded. i cant talk back because im just the help. i’m obligated to do what they want me to. Even if im tired from work. Even if i just got dumped. Even if my mind is going through some stuff. 

what you dont know. i go through these every day and i don’t bring it at work or when i go out with “friends”. I’ll go to work with a smile on my face like nothing bad ever happened to my life. i’d put that big smile on my face and just laugh things out. Remember just the little good things that happened and seemingly move on, but i don’t. its slowly sinking into my chest. Subconsciously weeping like a baby, consciously aware that during a meeting i’d want to cry just because i couldnt keep it in a box. i’d clench my fist as if im waiting for my palms to bleed because it crate wasn’t chained shut. it oozes when you can’t regulate. 

Obedient -  submissive to the restraint or command of authority

the words “dont” and “do” are basic commands to me. any question that has “did” are immediate doubt on me or even the start of the sentence “have you” makes me quiver already. i was taught to obey a form of authority. Parents, older siblings, uncles, aunties, prefects, teachers, apparently, anyone who is older. so when someone says, “believe me” or “did you know”, i immediately am in awe. i believe them. the fun fact is stuck in my head. i pass down the knowledge or experience. There’s another word for obedience, gullible.

i was once asked by my brother to go through trash when i was a kid. because he threw something he shouldnt. i was asked to do my sister’s homework because my mom overheard her asking me to do so. i was told by my so called friends to ask people for their numbers for them for their friendship in exchange. I have reached the point that i feel guilty when im not doing what people ask me to. 

imagine working. imagine dating. imagine meeting new people. i can paint a picture but it’s too painful. Subconsciously, i thought i have removed that side of me. unfortunately, reflecting on the past few days, NOPE. i thought my defensive stature in every decision ive made was and the only way to take off that obedience or gullible card. Looks like i have been. being conditioned this way from the very beginning makes it seem impossible to take off. Obedience equals to gullibility. Refusal equals to guilt. 

my dad comes home drunk one time, asked me to give him his gun to point at my brother. i said no, he shook me. no one else stopped me but i obeyed. i talked to my sister’s friends once. she told me never to talk to them and beat me up till i had bruises on my stomach. i wanted to cry when one of her friends talked to me. so i ran away. i wasn’t allowed to sleep until i memorized multiplication set of 9. it was 3AM, i woke up on the bathroom toilet. my mom woke up and asked me to recite it. closed the door and told me to recite it till i said the right answers. there’s consequences if i dont follow. i took that till adulthood. 

i have guilt if i don’t do what i was asked to. more guilt if i really decide not to. it consumes me till i finally give in. i feel regretful right after. then, i completely try to forget. that never happened. ever tried telling your boss no? i learned how to say no last year. i had multiple speeches dedicated to me with people saying, “Do you even know how to say no? do you even hear thank you?” i feel obligated to do what people want. i feel obligated to give what people want or need without being asked to. let’s stop there. i sound stupid. 

Strength -  legal, logical, or moral force;  degree of potency of effect or of concentration

People see what i want them to see. Facade comes into this picture. i’m always strong. can never show my weakness. if i do, i lose. if i don’t, i lose internally. i’ve been playing the supergirl card all my life. issue is, i’m always alone. always the savior never the saved. 

Superhero syndrome. ever heard that song Superman? 

It may sound absurd but don't be naive Even Heroes have the right to bleed I may be disturbed but won't you concede Even Heroes have the right to dream It's not easy to be me

my whole life revolves three things; work, home, friends. i always wanted to be alone, but i don’t survive it much. never felt wanted anywhere, even if its family or friends. then, work came. loved it because it was the only place the NEEDED me. but seems that i wear my cape there everyday. to the point that i couldnt be clark kent there either. always strong, never vulnerable. 

been saying lately, im tired of being strong. then Monday came. That’s that for strength, it’s pretty self explanatory on my side. it’s too literal of a section so i hope this would suffice. for the last of the entry. 

Tired -  drained of strength and energy

Trigger : work

Action : Resignation

Symptoms : Nausea, shaking hands and knees, vomiting, clouded vision, crying, Lack of sleep, loss of appetite, lack of motivation, heavy breathing, sleep paralysis, sleep apnea

Diagnosis : Unknown

Working Impression : Panic Anxiety Disorder

i’ve defined some of my roles. a glimpse of my mind and soul but to the people i’ll be send a link of this too, i bet you only know some. some, would even say they never knew. you know, i dont share my feeling or these heavy stories. seemed irrelevant. one time, 1st grade. i shared a problem about the family to a friend. This ‘friend’ made it seem too petty to the point i avoided sharing problems since then. i feel like any problem i have has no value to others. so i keep it in. just me. maybe a few blank pages. some ink. mostly tears. by myself. on my own. 

when i feel bad, or depressed when i was a kid. i would cry faintly inside my closet. come out after an hour or two. wiping tears of my face. i got caught once, by my dad. i just said, nope i was just checking my closet. i acted as if what he said before that point was ok. i step out when i feel weird and want to cry. ive learned how to cry heavily without showing an expression or even in a quiet manner. Congrats to me, i brought that till adulthood. 

Until Monday. i tried to put up my mask. but couldnt. i tried to be strong. but couldnt. i tried to obey. but couldnt. i remember asking my boss recently, can i be selfish? all my walls broke down in one day. all my optimism. my positivity. and i thought that i can do it. what people saw of me, they couldnt recognize me. 

i showed me. the weak one. couldnt even get myself to fake it. fake being strong, fake happiness, no mask. i couldnt even try. i was just done. even basing on what ive written on this entry, getting tired wouldnt be an option just yet. i didnt even talk about love or difficulties. i only got to write down instances. i was just done pretending.

since that day, i couldnt regulate. i associated almost everything and get anxious about everything. seeing the exit to my work makes me tense. walking to the building tightens my chest. getting inside makes me palpitate. claustrophobic. i dont usually breathe heavy but the doctor said breathing exercises would help. SOMETIMES it does. but not everytime. 

it took years to learn how to regulate these thoughts that i experience daily and i feel like i have to go through two decades again to learn how. i didnt lose myself, thats for sure. but i feel like im not strong enough to stay in one place anymore. to have the same people in my life anymore. i want to leave. i want to disappear. 

you know what i did after i broke down on my boss? i sat in a Starbucks branch in Molito. and starred out the window for two hours. spaced out. even my friends knew i dont do that. i felt like i died and im just the undead walking around doing my daily routine. 

why am i writing this? it’s 2:35AM. nearly sleepy by the way. i’m writing this for me to realize something. i already just did. i just realized that what people knew of me, wasn’t me. what you see and experience of me now, is the true me and i dont like it. i want to be wild binx on good days. bea when im home. bianca when im at work. looks like i can’t be that for a while. 

to those im sending this link to, i hope you read the whole thing. so you really know where i’m at. youre worried or concerned yea? well, here i am. here it is. i’m sorry im dumping my indifference this way. i’m sorry that im burdening you of my petty problems. i’m sorry i cant be myself. i’m sorry i cant be that person you knew. 

blame Monday. 

[datingadviceonreddit]

Hey guys!I'm a 28(M).I met this girl "Candy" (not her real name duh) at a networking group. We exchanged cards and I didnt get much of a vibe from her so I never followed up or anything.Fast forward a month later, and I see her and a friend walking at a local street festival that my company is vending at. Because I was packing up, I said "hey" and was like "hang out with me while I pack up for a bit!" so we talked for like 20 minutes and she said we should go for a drink or do something thats not work related, and I agreed. We added eachother on Facebook.A week later, I invited her to come to a show with me and some of my friends but she declined. 2 weeks later, I invited her to come to another show and she said OK.At the show we didnt really interact TOO much. I give girls their space, I never want to be that chum who is hovering/following around a girl thats not interested. She followed me and my friends to the next bar, and then suddenly left. Later that night, I called her to see if she got home OK, which turned into an hour long conversation full of laughing and joking.The next morning, I called her again and we spoke for almost 2 hours, connecting and laughing and talking about ourselves. We spent the next week texting eachother constantly, and talking on the phone about our dating preferences which seemed to match perfectly. Also, she just moved into an apartment that was located 2 minutes away from me. It seemed awesome.After a week, I asked her out to dinner and she said yes. We had the best time at dinner, laughing again (we have the same sense of humor) and having a great time. We took my dog for a walk around the neighborhood after. While talking, I leaned in and gave her a super quick kiss. She suddenly said "aw, I wish you didnt do that! I wanted our first kiss to be more special!" and I said "well I think every time we kiss its special no matter what the circumstances :)" and we continued on our walk like nothing happened. When we said goodbye I felt kind of weird about things.The next morning I called her and pretty much said that I hope I didnt mean to make her uncomfortable and it was just that I liked her. She said that I didnt make her uncomfortable at all, and that she did like me. I asked if we were on the same page and she said definitely. I was over the moon.We went out for drinks a few nights later and had a great time. She needed her car to be jumped so I wanted to help her out. While driving to her car she says "I have something I need to tell you. I have intimacy issues. I'm not really ready for a serious relationship right now... theres a lot about me you dont know".I said "We've only known eachother for a week so I'm not really looking to be super serious yet either...we are just getting to know eachother."Then I said "well...do you like me?" she said "yes very much" and I said "Well I like you too. And thats like the entire battle. Why don't we just keep it like this --- two people who like eachother spending time together and getting to know eachother?"She smiled and agreed and we continued hanging out.We hung out a few more times. I asked if she wanted to get sunday brunch and she agreed.I picked her up from her new apartment and got her flowers and also I got her a housewarming gift (garlic infused olive oil, we both love to cook.)She seemed to be super happy with the presents and flowers and was smitted. We go out to brunch and then we find this street vending fair and spend time looking for stuff for her house. While at the street fair, I hold her hand and she dosnt seem to mind.When I dropped her off, she again looked at me and said "I'm not ready for anything serious right now. When you hold my hand, and buy my flowers, thats relationship territory and I just have so much going on that I havnt told you about yet and maybe I will in the future." I got sad and was again like "well do you like me? and are you willing to at least try?"And she said she does like me but that we can just be friends. I got sad and said I totally understand. She started talking about all the things we could do together as friends but it was like I couldnt even hear her voice. i was sure she liked me, the energy was there. And its been so long since i've liked someone and allowed myself to like someone like that.So she said goodbye. The next day (this morning) I sent her a text thanking her for communicating with me how she felt, and that I totally understand and don't want to make her uncomfortable in any way and that I will give her space. I also said that if she changes her mind, if I'm available I'd love to keep going how we started. And that she shouldnt be scared to fall for me --- because I will catch her.She never replied :(At least it was fun while it lasted. I do understand that some of the things I did (holding hands, buying flowers, giving her a kiss) was "relationship territory", but damn it I want a girl that loves when I do these things and not recoil. I wasnt being lewd, rude, or doing anything without her permission. It wasnt like I was trying to have sex wit her and getting mad because I was rebuffed. I genuinely liked her as a friend as well as something more --- and when i feel that way I dont want to hold back from expressing it in little ways like buying her flowers. It just wasnt a match and I have to realize it and get over it.Maybe she didnt like me as much as I thought she did. Maybe she really does have so much crazy shit going on, like a drug addiction or something that I dont know about and she rightfully is making it so I don't have to deal with it.It was nice while it lasted sigh via /r/dating_advice