#realizing that I haven't drawn them in a *real hot minute*

[bonsiii-art]

chat, you'd trust a dragon that looks at you like this, right?

[abyssal-author-and-artist]

oh shit i just realized i forgot to post the trans dipper essay

oh well, better late than never!

Introducing - Why Mason "Dipper" Pines is Trans and Why that Matters - an essay I spent more time on than I did my actual college project today

Mason "Dipper" Pines from Gravity Falls is trans. Trans masculine, to be specific. Do I believe this was intentional? No. Do I believe that there's a seriously convincing case to be made? Fuck yes.

So first off, he's just like me frfr, which is pretty compelling in and of itself. But that's not enough for a whole essay, so we move onto our second point - character designs. Dipper is designed like, well, like every modern-era trans man I've ever drawn who isn't goth. The shorts, the one shirt in the one color, the absolute insecurity. He even does the hunch of the back! Also, I think I heard somewhere that the vest is to make his shoulders look broader, which I'm not entirely sure is canon but I am accepting this whole-heartedly. It's such a trans move of him. He's too young (and it's summer so it's too hot) to wear a dysphoria hoodie so he picked a vest. (I say too young because dysphoria hoodies usually cover your chest and Dipper and Mabel probably haven't hit puberty.)

The second part comes directly from science. According to this article, and many others, sex in identical twins is complicated, but most identical twins will be born the same sex. There are cases where this isn't true (which might be the case for Mabel and Dipper) or they might be fraternal, which is also pretty likely. However, looking at them when they were younger (and listening to their very similar voices), it's likely they were identical and both girls. That's not to say I dislike trans Mabel - every trans woman I draw dresses like her, so I do love her being trans as well and them hitting the age of like. 10. and swapping genders is incredibly funny and adorable to me.

So, we can't reliably use the aforementioned evidence, then, can we? After all, identical twins can be different sexes, although rare, and we don't have any proof they are identical beyond their visual (and when they were younger, audible) similarities. Well, first off, I'd say that's pretty compelling evidence already. In a cartoon, especially one as detailed and beautiful-looking as Gravity Falls (the art is good and I will die on this hill), visual language makes up for a lot. And Alex Hirsh has gone on record saying that he very much wanted Jason Ritter and Kristen Schaal for Dipper and Mabel respectively, to the point where he would have canceled the show if Kristen hadn't signed on, so I wholeheartedly believe every character (with the exception of Grenda and any other characters who had last minute va's picked) had their voice actors picked very specifically. I can't find whether Jason Ritter voiced younger Dipper, though, so that's a dead end.

Now, that's all well and good, but it's a lot of visual language, isn't it? Why don't we move into something more based in the writing itself?

So the first and most prominent example of Dipper being transgender is the episode Dipper vs Manliness. You know it, you probably have emotions on it, it's the episode where Dipper is trying his hardest to be a man's man. The episode was supposed to be about toxic masculinity and how to be a real man is to stick to your morals. It's a good lesson and in my opinion, holds up even in 2024. Pretty good. Does a great job of what it wants to do. Now, Dipper vs. Manliness has been dissected to hell and back already as a transgender allegory, so I'll keep this brief: the episode centers around Dipper being mocked for not being manly. While Mabel and Stan still see him as a man, albeit an effeminate one, it gets to Dipper. He proceeds to do anything to prove himself a real man. If viewed as a trans allegory, Mabel is teasing her brother and not realizing how deeply it actually hurts him (whether accidentally because she fails to realize how insecure he is over it or because she hasn't been there before, depending on how you want to headcanon it). As for Stan, I like to pretend he's supportive but regularly forgets Dipper was ever a girl, so he makes a serious slip up because of that (and/or he's regurgitating stuff said to him. That hits harder if you also headcanon trans Stan, which I am warming up to). Dipper proceeds to try and prove himself a man, crying when he takes even one more blow to his self esteem/sense of identity as a man, and eventually gets comfort from his family when they realize just how BADLY they messed him up. He is affirmed as a man and the episode ends. Everything that can be said, has been said - including that you don't have to act toxically masculine - or even masculine at all - to be a real man. Remember this part, it will be important later.

So, other trans moments for Dipper come a little sparser. Dipper vs. Manliness is the example for a good reason. But still, there's other moments. The short Voice Over from one of the short story compliation episodes is another one that's commonly referenced as a metaphor for voice dysphoria. Yes, Dipper's voice is cracking in ways common for a cis pre-teen boy his age, but the pitch and tone of his voice can also be seen as his more feminine voice peeking through. Taking the potion can be seen as taking testosterone or other hormones. Granted, this falls apart when you consider that Dipper is later discouraged from taking the potion, because that could be read as Dipper being discouraged from transitioning, but on the other side of the spectrum, it could be read as Dipper being affirmed as a real man despite his voice. From that perspective, his family prevents him from taking (possibly dangerous) homebrewed hrt. Also, the euphoria he gets when it does change his voice is just. Absolutely adorable.

Now, my favorite resource for Dipper acting trans is in the episode Headhunters. He's asking Manly Dan questions and Manly Dan calls Dipper a girl. And MAN the discomfort on Dipper's face. He immediately attempts to correct Manly Dan, but is shut down and the episode moves on. I think that for such a short moment, it does a good job of making Dipper seem trans, though. He is called a girl and feels extreme discomfort around it. He does not like being called a girl. He is not a girl. But he's not shocked or surprised or even really offended - he's resigned. He's used to being called a girl. Sure, he hates it, but he doesn't cry or scream or anything. Sounds to me like a trans man who's absurdly used to being misgendered but still hates it. That pain never goes away, but sometimes all you can do is flinch in discomfort, try to correct and move on, like the episode does.

For a (mostly humorous) video of more of Dipper acting trans, check out this video.

So I think we've made a pretty compelling point for Dipper Pines being trans masc here. Looks pretty good, yup, this is a great essay, let's wrap it up. Oh? What's that? The name of this essay?

Why Mason "Dipper" Pines is transgender and why that matters.

Well, let's dive into section two of this essay - why does Dipper being trans matter?

Someone could easily say it doesn't matter. Just fun fandom headcanons, that's it, wrap it up now. Nothing more to say. Dipper is trans and that's just a fun reading of his character.

But I don't think that's the case. I think that Dipper being trans means so much - to trans fans of the show, to fans who have never seen or spoken to trans people before, and to queer fans of Gravity Falls and similar shows. (I personally am a Steven Universe fan who really valued the representation there, so Gravity Falls and all it's queer coding means a lot to me.)

First and foremost, I'm not going to keep you in the dark as to why you're remembering my earlier point. As a recap, it was this: Dipper vs. Manliness, and by proxy, Gravity Falls as a whole, says that you don't have to be traditionally masculine to be a real man. For a show that spends a lot of time mocking a kid commonly headcanoned to be a trans man, that says a lot, and a lot of stuff I think more people need to hear.

You do not need to act like your gender to be your gender.

You do not need to present like your gender to be your gender.

You do not need to fit some rigid box that society enforces to be who you are.

If you are a man, you are a man, trans or cis, regardless of how you act. (And the same goes for women and nonbinary people! You don't have to fit a mold.)

You don't owe anyone anything.

You don't owe people masculinity. (Or femininity or androgyny for that matter.)

I think that's part of the reason Dipper vs. Manliness ages so well. Dipper reads as trans, especially to queer fans, and his story in that episode tells us that we don't have to be someone we're not for people to take us seriously as who we are. At the end of the day, the really masculine thing is staying true to you - a sentiment echoed and reversed in The Last Mabelcorn, where the most feminine thing you can do is to stay true to yourself. I can't find it right now, but I could swear that there's a That GF Fan video explaining my point a little better. The point is, there's nothing that makes you more of whatever your gender is than staying true to yourself.

Additionally, if Dipper really is trans and someone sees themself in him, that can help them explore their gender or explain it to other people. Young kids who have never interacted with trans people before can see Dipper and grow up to connect the dots - or grow up to have him crack their eggs.

I know I'm new to the fandom and I was already out before watching the show, but he really helped me explore my gender. I like dressing like him - he's very relatable, even though I'm old enough to be in college now. I see him as a very anxious, slightly paranoid trans kid, and I see a lot of myself in him. He has a lot of issues, and a lot of issues that aren't trans specific but definitely hit harder when you are trans. He makes me feel seen on a level that I never thought a cartoon character could do.

Honestly, here would be a good place to put a rant about representation in kids media - queer kids under the age of 12 exist and struggle. I liked a girl (before realizing I was trans) in fifth grade, so about 9 years old. There are kids who experiment with their gender when they're younger than that. We're here and we exist, and every single time a character in children's media is made and is prevalent, another kid is able to really see themself.

That's really the point of this section. Dipper is trans. That matters. People - mostly queer kids but people of all ages - see themselves in him. He's here and we see him as queer because it's validating. It feels so good to hear Stan affirm him at the end of Dipper vs. Manliness, because it proves that at the end of the day, you don't need to present as super masc or femme or androgynous to be who you are.

Gravity Falls, through coding Dipper as trans, sent a message:

You are seen. You are loved. You are valid.

Thank you for reading this all. Trans Dipper means a lot to me, and I love writing him and seeing him in general. I want more of him because Dipper being trans means the world to me.

I love you all. Have a wonderful day. Remember to stay true to yourself.

[thotsforvillainrights]

I have to ask because of the 4th movie trailer and the phony all might, how do you feel about all smite?

(Also maybe some stain, skeptic or moon fish smut they need more love)

(Believe it or not, but I still haven't gotten around to watching the movie trailer. I think my brain is sooo full of villains all the time that I've lost focus on the main protags of the show and therefore lost interest in anything involving them. I'll get around to it eventually though! In the mean time, I'll try to work something up for these 3 real quick because they all deserve more love.)

~Backseat Loving~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up|drabble

-Your car was definitely something of sentimental value. Now that you were getting rid of it and getting something with fewer miles you felt a small twinge of sadness in your heart. Although you were mourning the soon to be loss of your 4-wheeled baby, Stain was busy trying to figure out what exactly there was to be sad about?

-Why even use cars when there was the train and the subway or maybe just walk? Hell, as far as he knew it was just a magnet for problems rather than something to be cherished. Why exactly were you drawn to near tears when you went to clean your things out of it? Didn't you just have to blow about 800 in repairs on it last month? He just couldn't seem to grasp why it meant anything to you.

-You invite him on the last night of owning the car to come with you down an old nature road to see the night sights. He reluctantly agrees, ditching his prior engagements to purging the streets of worthless heroes. He gets inside and straps himself up, listening to you prattle on about all the little things you remember about the car. First job interviews and birthdays it's driven you to. Your last breakup and crying in the front seat while digging through the glovebox for tissues. Sitting inside during a rainy day and listening to the radio. Or maybe just that time you gave him a ride for the first time and you shared your first kiss?

-He feels his heart pickup at the thought. True it was certainly something to be remembered right? Well, now he's beginning to understand. He's taken aback when you park in a side road off into the woods and suggest making one more memory in the car. This is one request he simply can't help but to take part in. He finds himself letting go of all previous emotions revolving around annoyance and shifting himself over towards a different emotion all together. Only you were capable of making him feel this way. Only you were able to set his heart seemingly ablaze with your passions. Along with gripping your skin and being careful not to ruin the seats for the next owner of this rust bucket, he makes sure to make this last memory one for the records.

-By the time the two of you are finished, albeit a little bit cliché, you'll find the windows of the old girl all fogged up. This evidence of your escapades with each other on this old dirt road. On the drive home he realized why sentiments like this are important not just to you, but now to him as well. He's eagerly awaiting making new *ahem* memories in your next car to come.

-Sick of this damned place and everyone in it, Tomoyasu desperately seeks his keys and scrambles to get inside before he implodes into himself. He sighs loudly and slams the driver door shut. For just a minute of searing hot angry glaring at the parking garage wall in front of him, he takes a minute to breath. Feel Good Inc has certainly stooped to a new low by allowing idiots on the property...or at least that what he comes to think about when the new recruits are training this week. All day it's been nonstop common sense questions that he simply can't take anymore. Why are you working here if you don't know the basics?! He thinks to himself before taking another breath and starting up the car.

-When he arrives home, he's relieved to see you in the garage working on reorganizing some of your stored boxes. You smile when the door opens wide and he drives slowly inside, the door now closing behind him. He turns the car off, stares at you silently pleading for something, and then places his head on the steering wheel before groaning out loud. You laugh and shake your head, placing your box down and heading to the passenger side of the car. "Rough day?" You ask once inside with him. He doesn't say anything but instead nods his head while it's still resting on the steering wheel between his hands. You smile gently and have a 'lightbulb' moment.

-One of the surefire ways to get his mind off of things would be a good idea right about now. He knows exactly what you're up to when he feels you reach over and gently place a hand on his thigh. He turns his head slightly to look at you through the gaps of his thick black hair. For a moment you can see his smirk. Things go 0 to 60 really quick when he lets the seats back. He swore a long time ago that the two of you would never do it in his car again considering the fact he had to clean it out afterwards. However, his head is clouded and he's open to making exceptions when it comes to you of course. Why else would he be letting you take all of him in the backseats right after he got it detailed last week?

-No amount of solid, coherent thoughts could dare replace the overwhelming feeling of pleasure clouding his mind when he finds himself gripping at the fabric of the seats and looking down at you between his thighs. How you're even able to do something like this to him should be studied. The act is complete on your end when you feel him finish in your mouth. However, despite your body cramping from the odd position in the car, you fear he's not just done with you yet. Especially not by the way the locks on the door click shut when you tried to open them...

-Here lately he's been spending a lot of extra time in your car for some reason? Maybe because when you bring it by you always take him away from his worries or annoyance, or maybe because he enjoyed the feel of racing along the city streets on your way to a nice date together. Either way, your car seems to become his oasis more than your apartment does.

-You start to think perhaps he likes spending more time in your car because he's 24/7 surrounded by the other league members in the rundown dingy bar at the other side of the city. That must be the reason right? You live so far away from the hideout and gas these days is rough (costly wise). Your job covers the bare minimum and weekly visits to your villain boyfriend don't seem to be in the gas budget. So instead of always taking him to your place and coming back, sometimes the two of you chill in the dark alleyway inside your car. Sometimes dates consist of watching movies together and eating snacks in the backseat, or other times you find yourselves stargazing on the hood late at night.

-Something you hadn't considered would be the way he's looking at you tonight. The two of you are no strangers to sex but it's very sparse since you rarely go to your place and the hideout here is a bit...crowded to say the least. You shrug and throw all caution to the wind. It's late, there's not many cops on this bad side of town, and your windows are tinted. The only issue would be the rocking of the car and the pathetic attempt to keep your voice down when he sinks his teeth into the side of your neck and gets to work creating a hickey for the history books. It almost looks like your two got back from the gym when you enter the hideout to say hello to everyone. You might've just gotten away with it had Dabi not started snickering and pointing at your marks you didn't cover up properly. Oh well, maybe next time!

[amadwinter]

Making of Monday - How NOT to Write a Long Fic

Haven't posted one of these in a hot minute! Story time: sometime around 2021, I decided I was sick of having all these ideas for Star Wars fics and never actually writing them. So I decided to buckle down, and write a damn fic.

But of course that didn't happen. What I did instead was try to plot out a long, winding, action-adventure story, and to do that, I decided to study to study from the masters. Or master. I wrote down all the chapter titles for every Lord of the Rings book, and was planning on modeling my story based off a similar pacing.

But of course that didn't happen either. And I realized that I was getting nowhere fast. So, I took out a different piece of paper, and with no plan in place, just started jotting down thoughts.

Warning: terrible formatting and terribly inconsistent handwriting below the cut

And as you can see, I didn't get far with unconnected ideas before I started planning once more.

Inspired by short fic I had just read, I wanted to write a long fic where a whole and hale Anakin Skywalker shows up on Tatooine some amount of years into exile. Seeing as how this was before the Obi-Wan Kenobi show came out, there was a lot of room for interpretation in canon. I could take ideas from Legends, make theories about what they were going to do with canon (and be extremely right about some of them), and just make shit up whenever I wanted to.

But immediately, I came to a question that I wanted an interesting answer to: where did this new Anakin come from, and how did he get to Tatooine? Time travel is simple, and not where I wanted to go. Something something Sith magic, yeah, whatever. Also not what I wanted to do. But dimension travel? Now, there was an idea.

Of course, because I am a planner, it couldn't be simple, now could it? It couldn't be just hand-wave the Force that caused it. There had to be a real, concrete, series of events that caused Anakin to appear out of thin air.

And thus began the Yeetverse.

A chain of 4 separate universes (plus 1 bonus one for my own torture amusement. And actually now with one more added on later!). A to B to C to D. It's far too complex for baby's first fanfic in a fandom, and yet the ideas would not stop flowing.

Yes, that was all just written because I couldn't stop thinking about these ideas. It may not seem like a lot, but any brave soul who attempts to read my handwriting can see that there are many things going on at once. (And the only thing I blocked out is the ending to what was meant to be the first fic in this chain, the thrill of the fall)

But for all those ideas, all that planning...

I haven't even finished the first fic I truly tried to write.

I actually have so much of it outlined. I even wrote the outlines of the first 2 chapters of the original fic idea that started it all down on paper.

But I haven't written more.

Why?

Turns out, I'm not good at writing long fics. Planning them? Yes. Finishing them? Hell no.

It will be 3 years since I came up with these ideas. I haven't given up hope yet that I might actually get around to writing all those fics one day, but one-shots and event fics have drawn my attention away.

Who knows; maybe I'll finally take another shot once I've finished up more of my posted WIPs.

[forffax]

returning the favor with oc asks since i always wanna hear about yours !! if you had to pick like your top 5 favorite characters who would they be and why 👀 bonus if you want to pick your favorite like settings/worlds/universes youve made for ocs too!

OOOUH thank u chase!!!

I'm gonna list out my favs then talk abt my main oc universe a bit ^_^

This got ridiculously long so it's going under a readmore <3

1. Tos Family (sorry this is going to be. the whole family bc I cannot possibly choose between them)

i. Lux Tos (he/him)

(realizing now i haven't drawn him in a hot fuckin minute)

MY DAD. guy of all time ever. everyone's favorite half-human time traveling alien war vet. it always feels weird referring 2 him as part alien even if it's technically true sdjfgs. fun lore fact: he was the Dead Older Brother in original iteration Zephyr's Sad Backstory but I liked him too much so I decided he got to live <3

Lux is one of my older ocs that I still actively draw and think abt (late middle school...) and he's changed a LOT over the years but he's so so so dear to me. my guy who has Seen the Horrors and is now happily gay married with a kid :') sdfkjsk most things abt his story is just me being So Incredibly Self Indulgent (cool powers, complicated sibling relationships, gay) but it makes me happy and I love sharing it with ppl! Someday Voided 2 will be real and ready to share with the world...

ii. Ferdinand Tos (he/him)

Dad....2!!!!!! I don't remember when exactly I thought him up but it was probably around when Lux's backstory was getting a major overhaul... He's a man out of time he's training to be a doctor and his will to live is so strong he spent the better part of nearly two decades building himself a new body! Guys who died but got better <3. I think I literally got brain blasted one day and decided he's a non-op trans man and it was the best thing ever for him actually. He's a southern californian stuck in the cold northwest (probably. either that or the northeast im not settled on that aspect yet skdjfs). He's been super fun to write from a worldbuilding perspective too bc his main goal is to pioneer a new branch of medicine using his powers! His relationship with Lux and the rest of the family (and his reconciliation with his sister) is sooooo important 2 me :]

iii. Athanasius Tos (she/her)

THANAAAAA most normal sibling (lie). She was adopted formally right after Lux "died" and had a bit of a complex about just being a "replacement" for a good while, and she THOUGHT she had worked through that when Lux suddenly re-appeared... they're on great terms now but it was Tense. She's a biochemist and probably makes the most out of the household (she shares an apartment with Zeph!) It's very important 2 me that she can let herself be vulnerable with her family and close friends after years of bottling everything up... Epic nerdy autistic butches in your area <3 Fun fact she is the only full human of the main cast!

iv. Zephyr Tos (she/him)

My fuckign auncle. Within the story she only recently realized he was bigender and is much happier for it, even if you couldn't tell by her permanent scowl skjdfgs. Zeph was the original protag (along with Thana) of the short story I wrote in middle school that turned into Voided 2! In-universe he was very clearly supposed to be the protag but missed/ignored the "call to action" phase and just got a shitton of Issues and Traumas instead <3 She's so everything 2 me he's a freelance writer/artist she's kinda cringe and he is trying only as hard as she absolutely needs to in order to get by. While his relationship with Lux is MUCH better than it was when Lux first came back, she's completely inseparable from Thana and would do anything for her (I feel like they spent equal times protecting each other from bullies as kids...) He's changed so much from her original incarnation but developing him has been SO much fun <3 Since Voided 2 runs on real-world time (in that I have specific real-world dates for most major events) she turned 50 fairly recently and that's fucked but also funny. old.

v. Alan Tos (any)

Alan! Love this kiddo. He's Lux and Ferdinand's adoptive kid! Xe doesn't learn about it for a while but she was a government secret experiment test-tube baby (they were trying to artificially fuse souls together, distantly related to the later Child Soldier School ze was placed into) (kid cannot catch a break). He's a good kid, if not a little clueless and naive... someone who would hold no ill-will if you had to cut their leg off (this is not a hypothetical GJSKDS). Somehow, despite all this, she is by far the most Normal out of xer family <3 His fashion sense is some kind of spectrum between 60s businesswoman and scene and tbh? Very fun to draw! Her friends and family are very very dear to them and at the moment xe's just kind of letting life take zem wherever.

2. Vague (it/they)

unauthorized fucking thing kill it with hammers NOW!!!!!

Vague started as I think just a proxy for myself in vent art I drew in like early high school sdhjfgds they have since become. something. my mascot I guess? (I still end up using it for vent art sometimes bc it's functionally unkillable and it's fun 2 get narsty sometimes.)

originally it was just the weird cat-shaped angel thing but a couple years ago I gave them a human design that I really love too <3 vague technically has a place in Niko and my other cat furry ocs' story but their human form exists in the real world and is just Like That i think. vague is just a little guy okay? they're sorry about crying and bleeding all over the place (not bc it sees any issue with this they just noticed you looked upsetskjdfhs)

3. Niko (he/they)

Baby's first fursona! Niko was always mostly his own character but now that I have new This is Just Me sona(s), they've been officially retired from that front <3 Niko's story is mostly planned out, I just desperately need to write it somewhere skjdbfs but the gist is that Niko works a shitty minimum wage call center job and finds meaning and love through forming a band with people he happens to meet... also there's some whistleblowing and betrayal and vague slams down out of the sky at some point <3 Niko's band doesn't have a name but they're the lead vocalist! (Niko 🤝 Blue (is blue and sings in their band)) This is a universe where everyone is cat furries simply bc I wanted to design lots of cat furries but also I haven't drawn like half of his bandmates/friends.... orz

Fun fact I found my original doodles of him in an old math notebook and apparently I seriously considered the name "chandler" for them. Help,

4. Larkspur (they/them)

Laaark my friend lark :] they're my player character for a friend's tabletop campaign! *hands you a bug* *hands you a bug* *hands-

Their design was super fun to come up with and they're fun to play as :] They were raised on a farm and have a deep love for animals (insects in particular), but they have a hard time connecting with others and understanding why people act the way they do.. They wear an eyepatch to cover their multiple other eyes bc it gives them bad sensory overload to see with them! They also spent quite a bit of time as a bounty hunter before they were blacklisted from further work bc they let a target escape on purpose... Lark is a ranger/bard and they play the hurdy-gurdy! They're dear to me and I really need to draw them more sjdfhgs

5. Chungy Fresh (she/he/they)

Chungy my belungy.... she's a mimic who spent most of his life being a chest in the temple of a forgotten goddess until they gained sentience and saw a fursuit from far away and decided yep! I'm gonna look like that Now <3 She didn't get all the details right but he's never been happier! I think Chungy spawned from me drawing a weird fox thing and simultaneously thinking "hey wouldn't it be funny if a character had a verbal text/forum signature and it was also their name" skdjfgjskdfls. Chungy is def up there with "most fun ocs of mine to draw" bc she's so Noodly and Malleable... I started playing as him in a friend group's tabletop oneshot thingy (where multiple ppl write different unrelated oneshots but we use the same characters for each session) and it has been a lot of fun!

OKAY OC UNIVERSE TIME. I call my main oc story "Voided 2" bc it takes place in the same universe as my v personal self insert oc story "Voided" that I have been working on/writing/thinking abt since late middle school... It's kinda vaguely modern fantasy/sci-fi? Main things are that there are beings born at the beginning of the universe made of pure energy called Lunoirs. There are countless universes, and each universe has Lunoirs in some capacity. They mainly exist to "keep the balance," but if you ask any specific Lunoir what that means you'll get a million different answers. Mainly they gravitate towards any life within their universe and integrate with them, observing them and protecting them from Shadows and Vacares. Shadows are the unliving souls that will eventually be reborn and reformed into a living soul inside any given universe-- they exist in the space between universes, called the Void. the Void looks different to any being that crosses into it, and it's hard to say what its "true" nature is. Vacares are Lunoirs that have had their souls corrupted and eaten, usually by other Vacares. While Shadows, being amalgamations of soul energy, are strictly neutral, Vacares seek to cause chaos and eat more Lunoir souls, increasing their numbers in a vain attempt to satisfy their endless hunger.

The Lunoir population on Earth is fairly numerous, and since Lunoirs can take on whatever form they choose, many of them live and love and have children with humans, making partial-lunoir children (physically they are nearly indistinguishable from full humans, save for longer lifespans, odd hair and eye colors, and sharper teeth. also they have semi-physical wings, but these have to be manually brought out and often ppl don't even know they have them (*cough* zephyr *cough*)

Lunoirs aren't fully immortal, but they have a different life cycle to most other forms of life. When a non-lunoir dies, their soul disintegrates and is amalgamated with the souls of others in the Void to become Shadows. When a Lunoir dies (outside of having their soul completely corrupted/destroyed), they instead go into a sort of stasis and are reborn later; they have no memories of their previous life (the ones on Earth don't, at least) and they can take on wildly different appearances.

Lunoirs and partial Lunoirs have powers in the form of energy manipulation, particularly when it comes to the energy of their own souls... They can use their souls to form weapons, mainly to fight against Vacares that tend to be immune to physical weapons. Most people have one weapon that they specialize in, but in a pinch nearly everyone can form a knife. Humans can manipulate their own soul energy in this way too, but this ability must be taught/"unlocked" by a Lunoir or a partial Lunoir first (Zephyr, at some point, did this for Thana without either of them realizing it). Lunoirs can also manipulate the energy of the very universe to create Rifts in time and space, sometimes leading between separate universes... These rifts also open of their own accord from time to time, and there's a good number of people who have been displaced from their time or even their universe by unwittingly falling into one.

Every living being has a "soul" (a collection of their life energy), and through a kind of "reaching out," one can feel/taste/smell/hear/see another's soul... every soul is a bit different, so this is an easy way to identify people even from a distance!

The Earth Lunoirs once had a country where they congregated called Saluria, which was the site of a brutal multi-year war against an army of Vacares that wanted reign over Earth... Many Lunoirs and partial Lunoirs across all of Earth's history felt drawn to Saluria, often willingly or unwillingly being rifted to the time of the war to go fight in it... Some partial Lunoirs especially believed it was their sacred duty, while others believed it was a curse leading them to inevitable death... there's even whispers that Saluria itself is alive, luring in young partial and full Lunoirs out of self-preservation.. who's to say. Ultimately, the Salurian War was a victory, but not an easy one.

Lux and Zephyr are half Lunoirs (their mom being full), and Ferdinand is 3/4ths Lunoir! Alan is a bit of a weird case but functionally he's also half Lunoir :]

This is v much simplifying Years of worldbuilding ssjhdfgjks and I can FEEL I missed a bunch of stuff but it's all very very dear 2 me :]

[strange-doll-child]

I found the name because of that whole reveal of you having a sona, I needed to see it. And honestly, the sona is pretty cool.

Hehheeh, thxx, and yeah, when I made my sona, I named them Rye Bread because of a joke at school with my friends naming me Rye Bread

I realize I haven't actually drawn them in a hot minute, I could draw them more often tbh they silly lol

Cause I'm taking bout them, I didn't really make any serious backstory behind them they're kinda just- Existing lol, though I do remember my very very random thing on giving them no real face but hey, lmao, shi happens

[gillianthecat]

Thoughts on Love Mechanics: (very long and rambling)

I loved the first half of the series. The lead actors, War and Yin, are fabulous and have great chemistry, whether sexual, angry, playful, comedic. I just really like War's face and the way he uses his eyes and his smile. I find him compelling and charismatic. I also liked almost all of the side characters. Many of them didn't have a big part, or were mostly there for comedy or to move the plot along, but they still felt like fully realized people who were living their own interesting lives off-screen. (Perhaps it's because the series grew out of a set of interconnected stories, I haven't watched them yet.)

More thoughts, both praise and critique, below the cut. (Includes tons of spoilers):

I'm fairly new to BL, although I've read a lot of romance, including queer (mostly m/m) romance, and a lot of fanfiction. These, it seems, have overlapping tropes/arcs/conventions as BL but are not exactly the same. (I've learned a lot about BL conventions from @absolutebl's posts here.)

I've been binging BL shows this summer, and I'm starting to think I really dislike the traditional strong sense/uke dynamic. (Maybe I'll make another post of which shows I like and dislike.)

So basically, I like up until Mark sees Ploy kissing Vee because the VeeMark dynamic feels interesting and ever shifting. After that they seem to switch to a more standard seme/uke dynamic with bonus miscommunication, which I found frustrating, annoying and boring.

I'm only 20 minutes into episode 9, which I turned off because I was so bored with the pervert boxer plot line. So hopefully it will improve with the last episode and a half, but I'm afraid the show lost the courage of its messiness and went for standardization.

Love Mechanics caught my attention from the beginning. I like that the show begins with a drunken, dubiously consensual hookup, where Mark thinks he's fucking another person, and Vee is cheating on his girlfriend. It's chaotic, it's hot, the actors commit to the physicality of the sex scene, which I'm discovering is often not the case for BLs.

I liked Mark's immature pursuit of Bar, and the mean sneering way that War portrayed that. I liked that the conflict after that is that they don't want to be cheating but they are incredibly drawn to each other. I even liked all the implausible coincidences that threw them together over and over, so their connection felt like it developed naturally. Yes, Vee should have figured his shit out with his girlfriend, but it felt naturally messy that he didn't. He was young, in his first LTR, loved her but it seemed like he was somewhat passive in starting the relationship with her. I liked that it felt like he both still loved Ploy and at the same time was falling for Mark. That felt messy and real.

I even liked the plot twist of Ploy cheating on Vee; it didn't feel like a cop-out to excuse Vee's cheating but instead something that added complexity to the decisions Vee and Mark had to make. Should Vee look any closer at his relationship with Ploy, or just ignore it and coast on the giddy feeling of in love. (He choose ignore.) Should Mark tell Vee that he saw Ploy with another man? It might clear the way for Mark to be with him, but then again Mark is so uncertain of what Vee actually wants and would choose. Mark and Vee never talk about the cheating, almost never talk about Ploy. It's a terrible idea, it's messy and it's fascinating to watch.

I even liked the soap opera plot twists of the anniversary and the promise to tell and the car accident. Unbelievable, yes, but the characters felt believable so I was happy to have the hand of fate/scriptwriters maneuvering them into situations.

I liked the tension between their desire to be public about their relationship and the need to hide and protect it. I even liked Yawah's scheming, although normally that kind of thing annoys me. I think because a) it felt like it added useful tension and b) because Yiwaa felt like a real person, someone young, who made her way as a woman in an overwhelming male space by being dominant and a leader and who genuine wanted to protect her friends but was clumsy about how.

But then after that kiss the scriptwriters' choices mostly did not hold up for me. Yes it made sense that Mark felt hurt and betrayed, but the fact that no one told him Vee hadn't kissed her felt so contrived to add drama. And there was so much drama to be had without that "miscommunication!" Yes, he was hurt and this was a repeat of the last time Vee failed to keep his promise and so I get why he wouldn't want to hear from Vee. But Vee kept pushing at all of Mark's other boundaries, why wouldn't he just blurt out it he didn't kiss her! Or text him or something. It doesn't make sense for the pushiness we've seen in Vee to be so passive about this one thing.

It would still make sense for Mark to break up with Vee even knowing the truth about the kiss. He could decide that Vee has let him down too many time and he doesn't trust him anyway. That would totally be in character and create more tension without having them act like idiots. And the tension would higher because it was based on something real. Of course they have trust issues! They began with deceptions and lies and cheating and continued all that way.

My first choice would actually have been to have Vee kiss Ploy back when she kissed. Perhaps that's too much of a deviation from a one-true-love main couple for standard BL, but I think that would of created some fascinating tension for Mark and Vee to resolve and brought up the buried issues in their relationship (the ones that the show seems like it's just going to ignore and paper over).

It feels in character for Vee to have kissed back - he still has love and care for Ploy, even if it's not romantic any more, and he has a track record of bad sexual decision-making under intense emotions, and it was an intense day for him. I don't think he would sleep with her, but it's so easy to kiss somebody back who you used to kiss all the time.

And it gives Mark a much more plausible and compelling arc. As is, it feels like he's stopping up his ears and refusing to listen. And Vee has fucked up before, but in this case he's actually done nothing wrong! He's helping a friend who's being abused. Mark can be selfish (i like that about the character) but he seems like he would at least care about Ploy being safe even if she is his "rival." This storyline makes Mark feel more childish than I think he is.

A real kiss would give him a real reason to feel betrayed and hurt, real things Vee needed to do to repair them and hopefully force them to work through their real issues.

It would push them to figure out what they really mean to each other. It could push Vee to look at why he stayed with with Ploy for so long and why he was leaving her now. It could push them to look at a relationship that was an affair, was breaking someone else's trust, and figure out how to trust each other after that.

A real kiss could also force the screenwriters to acknowledge the looming specter of cheating. So far, the series hasn't acknowledged the cheating at all post-Ploy, and I'm actually quite annoyed by that. Not because I think cheaters need to be punished but because it was a big deal to them both and it should affect them! They felt guilty about it! It shaped how they related to each other! They hid it from their friends! Mark's hometown bf cheated on him! He had trust issues and wants people to keep their promises!

Vee's gf cheated on him! And I assume Vee had some thoughts and emotions around accepting all her "I'm sorrys" while hiding his own cheating from her, but the show never brings it up. It's so weird! I assumed for a while that they were repressing those feelings and it would come out later, but now it looks like the show is headed somewhere else and the drunken hookup and emotional affair will be treated like any other meet-cute and all the interesting juicy emotions to come out of it will be swept aside. How boring. Hopefully I'm wrong.

(Now, I don't know how they address those issues, other than the generic and boring "talk about it." It's hard! Probably that's why the series swerved away.)

The show replaces this honest reckoning with a generic (at least to me) quest for Vee to win Mark back. Mark gets to be either passive (accepting sunscreen and towel coverage) or resistant (enlisting his ex to try and scare Vee away.)

Some of its cute (the shitty old truck and the inadequate breakfast). Some of it infuriates me (the pervert boxer brought in at the 11th hour to give Vee something to protect Mark from.) War and Yin are good enough actors to make the character feel consistent and real. Their chemistry continues to sparkle. Their eyes can still break my heart. But this is so disconnected from their earlier story that we might as well be in a whole new series. Regardless of how I feel about this type of seme/uke dynamic in general (I hate it!) it has nothing to do with these characters or what they need to resolve.

Hopefully this is just a detour, but I fear it's the endpoint.

I was also going to write more about my dislike of this kind of seme/uke dynamic, but this is already super long and rambling. In sum, a) it's a distillation of my least favorite heterosexual relationship dynamic. b) I personally find that kind of boundary crossing and bossiness enraging. c) from what I see it creates a love interest whose main or even sole personality trait is the desire to win the uke, which I find makes an incredibly boring and yet also annoying character. d) and it makes the tension between the main characters a dully one-dimensional demand-resist.

[imgoingtofreakoutnow]

An old friend - Part 2

Summary: You've been invited for tea at the Bridgerton's household. You'll meet some new faces and perhaps dig in the past with your host...

Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton x Fem!reader

Other characters: Benedict Bridgerton, Violet Bridgerton, Gregory Bridgerton, Hyacinth Bridgerton

Warnings: looooots of yearning, face touching (?) if this counts as warning

Words: 3.6k+

A/n: I wasn't planning on doing a second part but here we are! I know it's long, and the start can feel a bit slow, but stick until the end; things get interesting there😏😉

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

As you stepped down the carriage, your eyes were immediately drawn to the facade of the house: even though you weren't a child anymore it still looked majestic to your eyes. The lilac wisteria hanged from the red terracotta wall, swinging his blooming flowers just above the door, giving the compound that vibrant hint of colour that you remembered.

When you heard the wheels of your carriage move against the pebble, you decided it was time to enter the Bridgerton's household. However, you soon realized that your feet were seemingly planted in the ground just before the gates of the estate.

Nervously holding your shaking gloves near your lap, you tried to calm down that sudden wave of anxiety. You truly had nothing to be worried about: your hosts were some of the kindest human beings you had ever met and the house was no stranger to you either. Nonetheless, war drums started playing in your chest at the thought that Anthony was waiting for you inside...

"Can I help you, miss?"

You turned towards the voice that called you back to reality to be met with the tall figure of Benedict. "Mr. Bridgerton"

He bowed as you curtseyed. "Well, this is embarrassing" he muttered, taking off his hat with an apologetic smile. "You know my name, but I don't know yours... should I know you, miss?"

You smiled back, shaking slightly your head. "Probably not, sir. I'm Y/N Y/L/N. I believe I am awaited for tea this afternoon: Lady Bridgerton invited me at last night's ball"

"I recall Anthony mentioning something about a guest..." he started but shrugged afterwards, "however I wasn't listening". His green eyes moved on you, squeezing slightly as they took in your features. "I beg you forgiveness in advance if I'm mistaken, but do you appear to be that little girl that used to play with Anthony when he still possessed a sense of humour?"

You hardly stopped a laugh from escaping your lips. "I shall not know, did Lord Bridgerton used to entertain himself with many young ladies when he was young himself?"

Benedict shook his head, still smiling. "Not that I can remember"

"Then that's probably me" you confirmed, chuckling slightly as the weight on your stomach eased considerably.

"I shall not believe that! The world is much smaller than I thought it was". He rubbed his cheek, his face lit by shock and delight. Then, looking at the front door and then back at you: "Why then were you standing here like a statue?"

At his question you lowered your gaze to your hands, not as shaky as before but still partly trembling. When you opened your mouth to reply, no rational answer came out from your parted lips.

Thankfully, Benedict seemed to notice your distress and simply took your arm in his. "Admit it" he said, smiling cheekily and guiding you inside, "you were waiting for me just to escort you inside. Isn't that right?"

With a giggle you nodded. "You uncovered my plan, sir. I shall hope it remains a secret between the two of us"

Benedict opened the door for you. "I'll take it to the grave, miss Y/L/N"

You flashed him one last smile before your eyes wandered on the interior of the household, leaving you speechless: everything was exactly where your clouded memories placed it, with few errant exceptions, like the china vase in the vestibule or the tiny pottery work on the table next to the door of the drawing room.

It felt almost unreal, like walking in a dream made long time ago... nonetheless, the way your heart jumped in your throat when you saw Anthony slouching on a couch near the window felt very much real to you.

"Miss Y/L/N". When Violet's voice reached your ears she was already in front of you, taking your arm to drag you away from her second-born. "It is a delight to see you again so soon. I believe you haven't met my youngest children, Gregory and Hyacinth".

The two siblings looked at you, Hyacinth smiling fascinated while Gregory was subtly munching something.

You smiled at them. "It's a pleasure to meet you"

"Miss Y/L/N, could I ask you something?"

Your eyes fixed in Hyacinth's, wide with curiosity. "Of course"

She took some steps towards you and you bent down so that she could cup your ear. "Is it true that you and Anthony made all the nurses go mad when you were our age?"

"Who told you that?" you whispered back, grinning. "We made them go mad when we were much younger than you"

Hyacinth covered her mouth, giggling silently as she went back next to her brother. Gregory, still looking at you, finally gulped down his food and turned to his mother. “Can we go play outside now, mama?”

With a sigh and a gesture of her hand, Lady Bridgerton released her youngest from the strings of formality and you watched them running one after the other out of the drawing room.

“Pardon their impatience” sighed Violet, sitting on the sofa next to her. She seemed terribly tired and you couldn’t imagine otherwise: if the other Bridgertons were half the troublemakers you and Anthony were, you were surprised the household was still intact.

You took a seat next to her, your back straightened as a greek column. “There is no need to apologise, I do envy their freedom” you admitted as your gaze fell in your lap. “They should enjoy every moment they have left before they come of age”

“From your tone, miss Y/L/N, it transpires the belief that there is no freedom in our society whatsoever”

You turned to Anthony, now seated a little more properly on the couch. His eyes locked in yours terribly easily, as they already possessed the key to your soul.

"Not if one wants to be accepted by said society, Lord Bridgerton" you clarified. "And we know well enough that not many would risk their place in this - pardon my words - refined golden parade for a semblance of temporary freedom"

"A golden parade". Anthony tasted your words on his tongue. "Shall we ever be freed from the chains society imposed us then?"

"It is possible, yes. Nevertheless, it may not be as easy as one might expect"

Anthony was still looking at you and the fabric of your gloves started sticking to your sweaty hands under his stare. You lowered your gaze. "But of course, this is just my humble opinion"

"Quite pessimistic, if I may" Benedict's voice broke through your thoughts. Slouching like Anthony on the other couch, there was no doubt those two were brothers. "But my word, you and Eloise would get along perfectly well"

"My second daughter. She is quite a free spirit" explained Violet seeing your confusion. "Unfortunately, you won't meet her today: she went for a walk with her friend, miss Penelope Featherington"

“On another quest to find the writer who hides behind the name of Lady Whistledown” added Benedict, earning a glare from his mother.

"I'm sure there will be many other occasions to meet her. And your eldest daughter as well. I’ve heard she married the Duke of Hastings, is that right?"

Her eyes lit as soon as you mentioned her daughter, and before you knew it, your mind was filled with every single detail of the wedding and engagement party, and all the circumstances that preceded and followed it.

A light knock made everyone turn towards the door. The footmen placed swiftly and silently the trays with teapots and cups on the small tables around the room, together with many small plates full of different biscuits and what looked like delicious refreshments.

One of the footmen approached cautiosly Violet, who was now talking about the scandal in which Colin had been unknowingly drawn. "Lady Bridgerton". The woman turned towards him with a smile. "Miss Francesca denies her medicine..."

Violet sighed, putting her cup back on the tray. "Goodness gracious... She went to Bath on her own, she's almost of age and she keeps throwing tantrums for these little things...". She then turned to you: "I shall be back in a few minutes, my dear"

You nodded, watching her leave the room with the young footman. The exact moment she disappeared through the door, Benedict jumped from his seat, almost making you spill the tea on your dress.

"I'm terribly sorry, but I shall leave as well" he explained, putting his tailcoat back on in a hurry. He looked towards Anthony. "If mother asks, I'm in my room feeling unwell and I definitely won't attend dinner"

"Shall I know where you're going?" asked Anthony with a smirk on his face. "Perhaps getting a new suit?"

Benedict ignored him, which made Anthony grin even more. “It’s been a pleasure, miss Y/L/N. We shall talk more next time we meet" he said with a small bow and a smile, before walking out the drawing room as well.

You took a long sip from your small cup, trying to focus on the taste of the tea and not on the fact that you and Anthony were now completely alone. The hot drink had a fresh mint scent and... and then his touch on your skin was everything your mind could think of.

"Are you enjoying yourself, miss Y/L/N?"

"Absolutely!" you replied, your voice an octave higher than normal. Clearing your throat, you attempted to think of something to say that wasn't in any way related to Anthony's hands on you. "The tea is divine"

He chuckled, taking a biscuit from the tray. "I'm glad you like it". He took a bite before asking again: "Does the house do justice to your memories?"

"It does" you nodded. "I'm surprised how few things have changed over the years but I'm glad to be able to recognise every corner. It's like stepping in the past"

Anthony smiled without taking his eyes off you. Looking down on your empty cup you felt your skin itch under his deep stare. Before you could think of anything else to say, you heard the sound of fabric rustling: Anthony Bridgerton had stood up and was now moving closer with every step. He stretched his hand out to you, smiling like he did only around you.

"Would you like to step in the past again, miss Y/L/N?"

With his eyes locked in yours, your mouth was wholly dry. You had no idea what he had in mind but, strangely enough, you didn't care: you just took his hand.

The heat radiating through the thin fabric of your gloves set on fire every nerve of your body. You held tight onto his hand as he pulled you down a maze of corridors, running within those walls like when you were kids. The excitement, and the new feeling that was pushing against your corset, let a wide, joyful smile appear on your face, as you felt lighter than ever before.

Then, after a last turn, he pulled you in a room, closing the door behind him. It took a deep breath for you to realise Anthony had dragged you in the library: it was smaller than you recalled, and even so it held so much knowledge you always found overwhelming stepping inside, as if you weren’t worthy of it.

Still panting, Anthony collapsed on the settee near the window, his smile wider than ever. "Good Lord..." he sighed letting his head fall back, his shoulders shook by laughter. "I haven't felt this alive in quite some time..."

"As much as I enjoy seeing you smiling, did we truly have to run all the way here?" you whispered, trying to steady your breath. "If anyone saw us, they probably thought we were up to something, which is not true at all"

Placing his elbows on his knees, Anthony bended over, his eyes lit by the spark of mischief. "If we're not up to something... then why are you whispering?"

You shook your head, turning your back to him. You walked closer to the atlas, opened on book stand in one of the corner of the room. With your index you gently traced the lines of the continents shown on the page, searching names of places you knew. Then a realization hit you.

“We shouldn’t be here”. Taking a step back from the atlas, you turned to Anthony.

He looked at you with furrowed brows. “Why so?”

"I'm quite sure you're aware that, for a lady, being in the same room as a man without a chaperone is improper and disgraceful" you clarified, rubbing your hands nervously.

"Is it?". You shot Anthony a glare.

"Yes, my lord. Awfully disgraceful". You looked at the door, terrified someone might walk in.

Anthony sighed. “Very well. But before we go... would you please read something to me?”. The request wasn’t exactly what you were expecting and Anthony, as he had read in your mind, added: “There’s nothing improper in that”

You took a sharp breath but then nodded. “Very well”. You moved your eyes on the many books on the bookshelves, the titles and authors embossed on their spines in golden letters: Shakespeare, Edgeworth, Scott.

"Do you want me to read anything in particular, my lord?"

He closed his eyes, slouching again on the settee. "Anything as long as I can hear your voice"

Taken aback by his words, you were glad he couldn’t see your scarlet cheeks. You took a small poetry volume, opening it at a random page. The words written on the paper danced in your mind with the finesse of a butterfly.

You sat down on the other end of the settee as your lungs tried their best to fill with enough air to keep you from fainting. You took a last deep breath before starting to read out loud.

"The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,

The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea,

The plowman homeward plods his weary way,

And leaves the world to darkness and to me."

As you kept reading, the book in one hand and the other resting in your lap, the verses rolled on your tongue like candid pearls on velvet; an ancient incantation created to charm minds.

You didn't realise that Anthony had been getting closer and closer by the second until the moment he took your empty hand in his. You stopped mid-verse as your eyes jolted to your joined hands.

"Go on" he gently asked, stroking his thumb on your hand.

Gulping down your beating heart you started reading again, but your attention was nowhere near the words printed on the paper. It was all on the way his fingers rested on yours and moved against your glove, as trying to find a path past the thin fabric.

That small and seemingly meaningless touch unleashed a thunderstorm within you: powerful, destructive and awfully seductive.

You finished the poem, the last word leaving you breathless. Closing the book, the closeness with Anthony felt way too much to handle.

"We should go now". You stood, breaking the contact with Anthony to put the book in its place. Your hand without his touch felt extremely empty.

You heard him sigh. "I believe we should". Anthony stood up, smoothing his blue tailcoat. After a moment of silence, he spoke again, his eyes set on fixing his sleeves: "I must apologise, miss Y/L/N"

You turned towards him with eyes wide in confusion before frowning. "For what, my lord?"

"I'm convinced that my puerile behaviour put you in an uncomfortable and improper position" - his voice and face were completely emotionless, not the face of the Anthony you knew - "and I beg your forgiveness for that. I had no rights to act this way towards a lady such as yourself and I would totally understand if you chose to..." he stopped a moment, searching for the strength to finish the phrase, “...interrupt our acquaintance”

"Lord Bridgert-"

"Of course” he continued, "I would never want for you to interrupt your visits to my mother and family. And, of course, I shall have prepared a carriage to take you home and then, hopefully, everything will soon seem just a-"

"Anthony"

You finally moved from the bookshelf, catching his hand in yours. His eyes moved from the doorknob, first resting on your joint hands and then raising to your face. It had felt like days since he last glanced at you.

"Please, let me speak”. He didn’t move, his face still unreadable but his eyes had your complete attention. You took a deep breath as you put your messy thoughts in the right order.

“You didn't offend me" you explained, even if your trembling voice could've told otherwise. "Your actions, your attentions weren't a discomfort to me whatsoever. They were just-", a shaky sigh escaped your lips, "What I feel in your presence is overwhelming, like standing on a cliff while the wind howls around you, trying to push you off the edge... you wish you could ignore it but it keeps luring you in and-"

His hand on your cheek cut you off. His thumb caressed your cheekbone and slid down, along your jaw, to stop on your chin. "So this pleases you?" he asked, his voice deep as his eyes were staring into yours. At a loss of words, you nodded as fireworks exploded in your stomach.

At his words you suddenly remembered: “Your mother! She’s probably still waiting in the drawing room!”. You took your hands to your face, covering your heated cheeks. “Oh no... she’ll never forgive me...”

Eventually he smiled, and seeing his eyes lighting up was just what you needed to feel relieved. "That's good to hear” he murmured, stroking your cheek again and again, “but now you should really go home: we don’t want your mother to get worried, don’t we?”"

He shook his head chuckling. “My mother doesn’t hold grudges for such ridiculous matters. However, if it could help you sleep better tonight, I shall talk to her. You must trust me: I already have mastered a talent in finding quite believable excuses”

You smirked. “Why am I not surprised?”. Anthony smiled before taking again your hand. A bolt ran through your arm.

"I know it may sound bold, but would you join me and my family at tomorrow’s picnic in Hyde Park? These social gatherings always bore me to death but I’m sure your company would be the perfect remedy"

"Two invitations in a row?”. You grinned. “The ton will talk about this for quite some time"

“Is that a yes, miss Y/L/N?”

You smiled. “Of course it is, my lord. I could never refuse you anything”

<-•☆•->

When the carriage left you in front of your house, there was still enough light for you to see the pathway leading to the front door. As you entered and closed it behind you, your mother appeared at the top of the staircase.

“Thank Goodness you’re back!”. She run down the stairs, immediately cupping your cheeks. “Are you alright? Did anything happen to you?”

“I’m good, mama” you confirmed, with a smile. "Lord Bridgerton invited me to attend the picnic in Hyde Park tomorrow". At your words, every inch of blood seemed to be drained from your mother's face. “Is everything quite alright?”

“I’ve heard some awful rumors at the market today...” she whispered, taking your hands in hers. “About the Bridgertons”

You smiled gently. “Is it about the scandal surrounding Colin Bridgerton? Because I can assure you he had no part in-”

“it isn’t, my dear”. She shook her head, some locks of hair escaping her tight hairdo. “It’s about Lord Bringerton”

Your smile fell in a second. “What about him?”

Your mother took a deep breath before going on: “I believe him to be a rake, my dear, and from what I’ve heard, he spent most of last season attending the private rooms of different opera singers...”

"What?". You shook your head in disbelief. "No, it can't be... I know him and he's nothing like this"

"It has been years, sweetheart" she said, kindly caressing your cheek. "Maybe he's changed, like you have..."

"But he's not a rake!". You took a step back from your mother. "Lord Bridgerton is a gentleman, he would never-"

You stopped mid-sentence as what happened that afternoon replayed in your mind: surely you didn't dislike his behaviour, as daring as it was, but it was improper. Terribly improper. Something a rake would do with light skirts. Or with young and willing ladies.

Your corset seemed to be tighter than ever, squeezing your lungs until no air was left behind.

"I do not want to push you, my dear..." continued your mother, "but perhaps you should rethink your choice for tomorrow. You could say you had forgotten a previous engagement or-"

"No". Your steady voice didn't reflect the turmoil in your chest at all. "I have already accepted, mother" you said, walking past her to the stairs. "It would be disrespectful to refuse the invitation of a Viscount"

Besides, you wanted answers, and the only people who could give you some was Anthony himself.

Taglist: @ba-cute @xceafh @latekate1807 (if you want to be added or removed, let me know)