#realized while editing my pinned that i never gave this blog any credit for literally being the main inspo here

[doyoulikethisemoband]

anyone who finds & enjoys this blog: please check out @doyoulikethisemosong if you haven’t already! very fun and cool blog for emo/adjacent song polls in pretty instead of bands! :)

[fishdavidson]

Dream Journal: MULTIPLE DAYS EDITION!

Last night, my excuse for not posting was that I fell asleep on the floor. This happens more often than I am proud of. However, it has also come to my attention that I missed some blogging some dreams nearly two weeks ago FOR THE SAME DAMN REASON. Luckily for you, dear readers, I have both notes for these (relatively ancient) dreams as well as a memory like a well-oiled steel trap. So tonight, you shall get four dreams for the price of one! And coincidentally, three of those dreams are school-related.

2017-05-12: Fish Davidson Acquires New Hobbies (Which Happen To Be Trivia and Murdering)

Do you ever take an introspective look at your life and wonder “How did my life turn out like this?” Those are the kind of thoughts I found myself thinking in this dream. For some reason, my life was profoundly unfulfilling in this dream. I lived alone in a dingy apartment in New York. I ate terrible food and didn’t talk to my neighbors.

My life’s goal (in the dream at least) was to appear on as many trivia shows as possible. The reason I had chosen to live in New York was simply because that’s where NPR’s trivia game show, Ask Me Another, was located. I was a repeat contestant, because I am pretty awesome at such things (real life mileage may vary).

After my most recent appearance on Ask Me Another, I went out for celebratory drinks with the other contestants. We were walking back to our respective apartments in a big group when I turned to someone and showed them my watch. “Do you know what time it is?” I asked them. “It’s murder time.” Yes, I literally said that.

This next part is really hard to describe, because it doesn’t really translate into reality very well. The end result was that I murdered every one of my fellow contestants. But I didn’t do it with a knife or a gun or anything like that. The closest thing I can think of was that I thought of the word “murder” and the meaning behind the word coalesced into an invisible force-field that I could grab with my hands. Dream logic declared that everyone was killed by the intangible sentiment carried by the word “murder,” but it looked like I just spun around in a circle with an invisible piece of lumber and everybody around me happened to drop dead.

After murdering time was over, I nonchalantly shoved all the bodies into a storm drain. You have to be nonchalant about these things, because otherwise people will notice you and start asking questions. I remember feeling pretty disappointed at my life choices at this moment and saying to myself “I should probably get a new hobby, because this one is pretty unfulfilling.”

2017-05-13: Boring School Dream Time!

This is the most disappointingly banal dream of the entire month. I went to school, sat around in a desk for a while, and did nothing notable. Although I could pad this entry out with all the pointless details I remember, your time is more valuable than that. TIME FOR THE NEXT DREAM (WHICH IS WAY BETTER THAN THIS ONE!)

2017-05-23: Research Grant Problems

Here’s another new career choice for me to pursue in dreams: grant writer for a local university. In this dream, I was one of those lovely people who attempt to woo government investors with my words and convince them to give me money to perform impractical research. I don’t remember what I was writing a grant for, but I know I wrote that funding proposal like a boss. My words were well-formulated and elegant like something written by a famous dude who wrote words for a living. Not like the words I’m writing now, which sound like they were written by a random white guy who does not write words for a living. It was only after I submitted the manuscript that I realized a terrible and irreversible mistake:

THE BIBLIOGRAPHY SECTION OF MY PRELIMINARY RESEARCH PROPOSAL WAS FORMATED IN THE APA STYLE, BUT IT NEEDED TO BE CHICAGO STYLE.

There is nothing potential government benefactors like more than being able to disqualify an application because of a technicality. I’d like to say that I put up some sort of fight and tried to claw that email back from the far reaches of the internet with my bare hands, but that would be a lie. The reality is that I just gave up and pretty much immediately made peace with my mistake. Pretend I’m imparting some sage advice about the transient nature of all things here.

You can’t miss what you never had... or something like that.

2017-05-24: Last Exam Of The Semester

Welcome to another round of Various School Dreams with Fish Davidson! In this episode, Fish Davidson plays the role of student and grown-ass adult. Because I am an adult, I am afforded the privilege of dressing myself for school. And because I am prone to fits of extreme impracticality, I did not do well at dressing myself. My clothing choices do play an important role in this dream, though, so sit tight.

I ended up wearing a long-sleeve white t-shirt with a blue t-shirt layered on top. Blue jeans were also involved, and maybe some flip-flops? That part doesn’t sound too unusual, but that’s because we haven’t gotten to the impractical part yet. I also decided to pin an entire sleeping bag to the back of my jeans that was either coiled around my legs like a weird skirt, or billowing out behind me like a cloth beaver tail depending on my mood. When asked why I chose to affix a sleeping bag to my clothing, the only answer I was able to give was this:

“SCHOOL CHAIRS MAKE MY BUTT HURT.”

That’s as good an answer as any, so my parents drive me to school (because apparently I still live at my parents house and they are just totally cool with how hopelessly weird their son is) for my last day of class before school lets out for the summer.

At this point, I am aware that I will have to take the final exam for a psychology course if I actually show up at school. The good news is that I was doing relatively well in the class, but the bad news is that I did zero studying for the exam and I spent most of my free time trying to get my sleeping bag beaver tail just right.

When I get to class, I pick up the test. It seems difficult, but not impossible. But I don’t feel like taking the test today, so I unleash my sleeping bag beaver tail and gyrate my hips all over the classroom.

“FISH DAVIDSON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” the teacher asks.

“WHAT IS THE NATURE OF TRUTH AND REALITY?” I scream back at the teacher. This may not have been the literal question I asked, but it was something very close to that and equally pretentious. My beaver tail is flapping about and slapping fellow students and test papers alike. People are evacuating the room due to the chaos I have caused.

The teacher demands to see me in his office, and thus we appear in a tiny office whose walls are lined with bookshelves. “Why did you even show up for class today, Fish Davidson?” the teacher asks. “You don’t even need to take the final.”

“AWESOME,” I say, and then walk out the door to his office and never look back. I AM SO GOOD AT SCHOOL, GUYS. SO GOOD.

P.S. Here’s a funny psychology class anecdote for you: when I took my intro to psychology class all those years ago, I did so well in the class that I only had to make higher than a 25% on the multiple-choice final exam. And I put my money where my GPA said my mouth could safely be, didn’t study for the test, answered the first page of the exam, and then marked ‘B’ for every answer in the hopes that the probability gods would give me enough credit from my random answers to push me over the 25% mark. My gamble paid off and I left that class with top marks.

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The header image is of Mitchell Royce, the chainsmoking editor from Warren Ellis’s

Transmetropolitan

comic series. He is not a good role model, but he is a damn fine editor. I dunno why, but it just seemed like I needed to have this image on this post.