#realized i haven't posted art in a week... sorry guys... i had a really bad migraine i think it reset my brain a bit... broke routine

[attleboy]

I hold you SO SO closed in my handsss,,, I love seeing you in my notifications it's always such an honor and makes my day so much

-@sm-baby

omg hiiii mushroom!! :D i'm gonna be honest, i've been staring at this trying to figure out how to respond for a while but i am far too flattered to think of a good response! consider me rendered speechless...

anyway, i just hope you know the feeling is mutual and i am also very happy when i see you around!!! i'm going to use this as an excuse to toss some carnival au art your way which you'd enjoy, i hope?? ^-^

yes this one's based off madagascar 3 which... please don't judge me too hard for that... that movie's iconic (to me at least 😭)

there's more to these but idk i wasn't feeling it so crops are all i'm giving out

this one i'll probably still finish but i like how caine looks so here's a sneak peek

that was all pomni and caine wasn't it uhhh. whoops... here's a couple jax i also like that guy

and this isn't the carnival au, but it IS showtime and i know you love them... technically a wip but it's gonna take sooo many rendered pages to finish that idk if i'll ever actually get it done so just take this bit

okay that's it, ty again for stopping by!!!

[nohoperadio]

Here's a little breakdown of my personal relationship/non-relationship with various types of aesthetic self-modification (?, I feel like there might be a word or at least a more elegant phrase to denote this category). The point is not to offer my "take" on each thing but to express the different feelings/desires/inhibitions my psyche manifests around them. Some of these will approach awkwardly personal territory, fair warning! You may notice that basically none of them are especially positive; I'm going to leave off from analyzing that pattern for this post.

Tattoos -- I think tattoos as a concept are extremely cool, frequently they're cool in practice also and I like seeing other people's, but I don't think I've ever had even the smallest urge to get one for myself. I'm not totally sure why. The lack of an obvious thing to get is one factor, I feel like "band tattoo" would be the most likely thing for me to have but I don't like the idea of directly lifting a band logo or album art and I really don't like the idea of a lyric tattoo (I offer no justification for these prejudices), so I'd have to get clever with it if I'm doing that and I'm not very clever. More broadly, I predict that my enthusiasm for any artwork I put on my body would fade through overexposure in a matter of weeks if not days--other people describe "barely knowing it's there" after a short time--which on top of making the value of the project seem dubious, I feel like having a permanent image on my skin that I don't actively love would be something I'd feel bad about rather than neutral. Like "man, that thing's on my arm and I don't care about it at all, that sucks" rather than just not noticing it. Maybe I'm wrong about that.

(Tattoos are the one that got me thinking about this whole subject I think, it feels like they're reaching a ubiquity in the culture where it's almost like you're expected to have a reason not to have one rather than a reason to? Maybe that's just a people-I-know thing, anyway it got me thinking about why I don't want one.)

Piercings -- An interesting thing about me and piercings is that it's virtually impossible for me to notice when somebody has them unless I'm like, actively consciously scrutinizing their face (or whatever it is). When I was about ten months into my current job I asked my co-worker who I worked closely with almost every day "hey when did you get that septum ring" and she was like "well way before I met you". That is simply how it is with me and piercings and I make no apology.

If my inability to perceive piercings (perceirvings...) makes me indifferent to the idea of getting one, what makes me actively hostile is the total certainty that I would fiddle with it constantly if I did. I know these hands and their ways and there would simply be no dissuading them, it would be so bad you guys, oh my god. This is probably the hardest no on the list I think, although I haven't finished the post yet so idk maybe I'll think of a worse one.

Makeup -- There's undeniably a lot that's very beautiful in the universe of makeup and there's also the weird dark side, I have dabbled a little in this area and in my heart I feel more positively than not about it, but it's just never going to be a sustainable part of my life because (not unrelated to previous para) I am a perennial and unrepentant face-toucher. I will be itching and rubbing my face-skin and also inflicting other hard-to-characterize punishments upon it (is this "stimming"?) until the day I die and anything that wants to be on my face has just gotta deal. It would probably be better if this was not the case but I don't make the rules, sorry.

Haircuts -- When I was a child I haaaaaated getting my hair cut, like the physical sensation of it? Was so horrible and would usually make me cry and always ruin my day (is this "sensory overload"?), I didn't understand why I was being made to go through this ordeal and basically as soon as I reached an age when I realized my mom couldn't literally force me to do it if I just stubbornly refused hard enough--that age was 13 I think--I stopped. I haven't had a professional haircut since that time although I'm sure I could cope with the sensory aspect at this point, it's just not a habit I ever picked up again (I've had a couple of non-professional ones from my ex who just kind of wanted to try it, in a not particularly ambitious or dramatic fashion). Sometimes I feel like I should, but idk. My hair as it stands is not optimized for making me look hot but I don't think it looks especially horrible either, it's just kind of whatever I think.

Complicating factor here: I've had trichotillomania since I was 15/16, and it's hard to imagine it going away at this point but it's a lot more under control than it used to be, to the point where you can't really tell just from my appearance that something's up now. I say "under control", I have very little conscious control over it and usually no conscious awareness that I'm doing it, but over the years the compulsion seems to have unconsciously settled into a routine where it's just kind of... sculpting my hair into a more-or-less normal silhouette? Like I sort of have a fringe and stuff despite no haircuts. Oh I guess this doesn't make sense unless I clarify that I mostly break rather than pluck the hair nowadays, that's a big part of the gradual unconscious shift that's occurred.

A fun thing about trichotillomania is that it often makes people really uncomfortable when you talk about having it, which sucks for me because it makes me feel lonely, but I guess it sucks for the person feeling uncomfortable too in a smaller way. If you're one of the people who feel uncomfortable around this topic, sorry! Quite genuinely.

Gender transition in general -- I feel like I'm just, just on the boring side of cis-by-default. I think about transitioning shockingly often for someone who's never gonna do it, like it's not searing a hole in my heart or anything like it is for a lot of people but it occupies that "it would be cool to learn an instrument" kind of niche in my thoughts, if that makes sense? (Probably a bit stronger than that analogy makes it sound, it's on my mind frequently but not with a massive sense of urgency attached I guess is what I'm getting at.) I can see myself taking the plunge if the medical technology was like 10% better, or the social technology was like 20% better, or with some medium-sized changes in how my personality was configured, but this life being this life there's no way in heck the juice would be worth the squeeze. If I had one fifth of the executive function required to do all of that lying to doctors and learning how to clothes shop and having awkward conversations with people in my life and all the rest of it, well I can list like ten things I'd rather spend it on first. And I don't!

Glasses -- Love wearing glasses, 10/10 no notes. I knew since I was like 11 that my face should have a pair of glasses on it and I was very smug when the optician agreed (I did not cheat on the eye test in any way for what it's worth). The only times I'm not wearing glasses are sleeping and showering. I don't even carry a case because there's no point because I simply don't ever take them off. This is probably overkill, I think as a kid I was instructed to only put them on when I need to see something in the distance, ignoring that and just wearing them permanently has probably led to my vision weakening to the point where they're now pretty much mandatory in every situation, but I don't give a shit about that because just let me wear my goddamned glasses okay, fuck off. It's actually crazy how much I like wearing glasses, this is the only true thumbs up on the list.

I remembering trying to explain how I like my glasses to a then-close friend of mine many years ago when the subject of laser eye surgery came up in conversation, he said I should get the surgery and then just wear glasses with non-prescription lenses. When I tried to explain why that wouldn't be the same at all he was adamant that I was just being stubborn. That guy was a wonderful person in many ways and I loved him very deeply, but man what a dumbass thing to say.

Facial hair -- There are so many great beards and moustaches in this world, there are few more cheering sights than someone bearing some swish whiskers who's pleased about it, but personally I don't wish to be involved in that business at all.

I never learned how to ride a bike -- Obviously this one doesn't belong on the list, it doesn't fit with any of the other categories, and yet I feel compelled to include it here. And why should I resist that which compels me? This is my post. Yeah, I'm the oldest of four siblings, we were all given bikes at the appropriate kid-on-bike age, the others picked it up but not me. I liked it when I had stabilizers on my bike, then they took them off and I started falling off the bike, and after a very short amount of time I gave up. Like I didn't get mad injuries or anything, it just felt like I wasn't improving at it quickly enough and I didn't feel like keeping it up so I didn't. Early indication of my bad personality.

Fashion in general -- Clothes shopping has always been extremely aversive to me for whatever reason, it's gotten a little better in recent years, I have been able to exist inside clothes shops for long enough to purchase a small thing or two, but eh. Most of my tops are band t-shirts I bought at gigs, most of my bottoms are exactly identical pairs of jeans, there's just not much going on you know? But unlike with most of the items on this list I would really like to be doing this properly. I would like to wear cuter things with prettier colours and designs. This one's an actual goal. But so far I haven't really made progress. The aforementioned shopping sucks thing, plus a fear of being so aesthetically clueless that I just make myself look like a big idiot if I try anything risky, plus the fact that doing things that are not my established routine is tricky in general--these are barriers for me. I guess another barrier is that the things that would be most interesting to try out and therefore most potentially motivating fall into the wrong-gender-clothes category and therefore bring into play some of the barriers from that other category a few ones up. I did actually somehow get myself to dabble in that area some years ago to a modest but positive degree of satisfaction. It'll probably happen again. The patterns and causes that determine whether I can or cannot find motivation to engage in a thing--they are mysterious indeed.

Like horn implants or whatever other crazy miscellany -- I don't want anything in this category and don't have any non-trivial thoughts about it either. Including this section for completeness only.

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Well, there you have it, that's the post. Now you know a bit more about some of my little weirdsies. If you actually made it through the whole thing, a) how interesting and b) why not tell me a little weirdsy of yours in return, whether it pertains to the above list or not? Why not get all antiphonal on my post, that way I'd get to know a thing about you as well, it might be a whole fun kind of deal. You don't have to though, I didn't make this post to try to snare people into letting themselves be known, I just kind of made it to be a post mostly. I make all sorts of kinds of posts you know? And so I thought I'd try one that's like this.

[melodygatesauthor]

Weekly Update - 06/11/2023

(Just realized I forgot to post this yesterday hehe)

As a reminder, I do weekly updates. You can see the original post here for details on what will be in these!

Updates Below the Cut:

Long/Chaptered Fic Updates

A Bit Dodgy - There WILL be an update tomorrow! 06/13/2023. We have chapter 12 incoming!

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Mini-series Updates

Blue = should be posted this week

Pink = In progress actively (working on but will not be posted this week)

Red = Backburner Fic (not working on this week - will work on a later date)

The Fractured Moon - currently working on These Fractured Knights (TFM Bonus Chapters) 🫣😏 - No new updates this week though.

Feeling You Can't Fight is DEFINITELY coming out this week on Wednesday! I was hoping to post it last week but I didn’t get around to editing it! My goal will be to put out a chapter a week for the next 6 weeks for this one (fingers crossed - will post more often if I finish the chapters sooner than that) but we will see!

Summary

You are the new staff manager for the National Art Gallery in London, replacing the prior manager who you'd heard was unpleasant to work for...and that was putting it kindly.

When you meet the nervous, but friendly, gift shop clerk, you can't help but fall for him almost immediately. When it becomes clear that you can't shake this desire to give Steven everything he deserves and more, you can only hope that he feels the same way about you in return.

It WILL include the other two boys as well. - Coming this week

Working on a secret series based on a series of artwork done by an artist in the community. Hoping to have that out this week! - Coming out this week! (I hope)

Not a Doctor - I’ve been asked by a few people, and I personally have been considering it for a while, doing a part 2 to this fic! It won’t be coming out this week, but it’s in the works! (Still in the planning stages)

Worth the Risk - taking a small step back from this for now. It’s not at the top of my inspiration list so I’m moving it down the line temporarily. - will work on a later date

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Requests Updates

Let’s have a chat about requests guys. So I’ve been really making an effort to work on them, and I’ve been struggling to feel inspired to work on it at this moment in time, and it’s been a little stressful. That being said, I’m going to do a couple of things to simplify this for myself (this does not include things I asked for like Nathan Bateman requests or the 1k drabbles):

1. I’m going to keep them shorter. I think I set up an expectation for myself (and maybe for you guys too) that I’ll be writing lengthy fics for the requests. I’m going to keep them under 2k going forward unless I find it exceptionally inspiring. Please don’t think that your request is bad if I don’t write a longer fic, please just understand that it's all in an effort to manage my time more.

2. I’ll do a bigger post regarding this point once I have a minute to think about it more, but I’m not going to be opening requests again after I finish these ones. As I’ve grown and my work (like my real life job) has gotten busier, this has become a lot to manage all the while continuing to explore my OWN thoughts and ideas. I LOVE giving back to the community and writing for you guys, but it's turned into something that's bringing me anxiety and pressure to perform and that's not how my hobby should feel. - This doesn't mean I won't ever have my inbox or like event drabble requests open and things like that, this is just for regular requests. Like I said, I'll elaborate more in another post.

3. I'm GOING TO FINISH THE REQUESTS BELOW. Some of you had submitted multiples so I'm going to only commit to one of them. Anons, I'm sorry but I'm going to cut you loose. I love you, but I have to let some things go. (Except for the Nathan request since I asked for it and I still haven't ever written for Nathan.)

I hope you all can understand where I'm coming from, and I appreciate your support so so so much. I'm sure there are other writers who have open requests who would love to take over if I end up not doing yours. <3

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If your request is in blue, that means I'm going to try to work on it this week (06/11-06/17). If it's in pink, I'm going to try to work on it a different week. It's taking me a while to get into the headspace for some of them so thank you for your patience. Green means it's done I'm just working on editing now.

Blue Jones X f!Reader requested by @saraicus

There are 2 prompts in particular that I liked from the list you sent so I'll be doing them. - His eyeliner running down as he’s banging you against his desk.

Moon Boys X f!Reader by @simpforbritgents

Asking for something like Feeling Flustered where the moon boys are doing guided phone sex.

Moon Boys X f!Reader by @mercuryrosesixx

Moon Boys w/ a f!Reader w/ nipple piercings.

Marc Spector X f!Reader by @blueflowerhat

Marc shower sex based on AI prompt.

Doctor Marc Spector X Patient Reader by @burnincrown

Role Reversal (sort of) of Not a Doctor - Marc is the doc, reader is the patient and he takes advantage - Dark Fic - I'M MOVING THIS ONE UP TO MINI-SERIES. It's going to be a long time in the works, and it will probably replace TFM when that one is done so I'm going to put this one up further on next week's update and I will credit you for inspo but I'm not going to necessarily consider it a request since I've been developing quite the lengthy outline for it lol. - Work on it a different week

Nathan Bateman X f!Reader by @campingwiththecharmings

This is the prompt that hit me like a Nathan-shaped mac truck! -> “if you don’t like my teasing why are you moaning”

Nathan Bateman X f!Reader by Anon

Cam girl reader x Nathan - Nathan turns to a cam girl, he's been kinda stalking her. (Excited hehe)

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That's all for now guys! I love you all and thank you so much for all the support you continue to give no matter what. You're amazing <3

[idleglowingpixels]

I Started Typing A Regular Post When Oops It Turned Into An Update Post (Mainly about MH-AU & XXY)

Just spent the last couple hours give-or-take on completing Cleo's profile, which I'm excited to be releasing later today! Her post is scheduled to release around noon EDT (I scheduled Lagoona's and it made things a lot easier to post her at a reasonable hour so I'm doing that from now on cause OH MY GOD :'D). She will be the last in the current set of character designs/bios I have prepared.

I have one teensy tiny more MH-AU goodie for Halloween before I get back to XXY full-time (dw I have been working on it in the background, progress has just been super slow cause I'm trying to finish the fic's outline). I will still be working on the MH-AU, don't get me wrong, just not as my top priority cause my PPG followers have been patient enough with me for more XXY content. I do plan on making another series of character design/bios, this time focusing on the mansters since they actually serve a purpose in the fics other than "the boyfriend" (Sorry they didn't do too much in a majority of the movies okay, I love them in the webisodes tho!). And once Cleo's post drops, I'll make a masterpost for the MH-AU since there's enough out now that I feel it necessary; keeps all the lore organized and junk. I'll have it linked in my general masterpost for quick access should anyone need it for reference. If they are updated at all later on, I'll make a post about it.

My current oneshot WIPs for the MH-AU are: - My equivalent to G1's New Ghoul @ School (tbh I might just use that name cause it's so iconic and I can't really come up with anything better lol), which might end up becoming a SMALL multichapter should it require that (3-6 Chapters max). There's a lot that goes on in Frankie's first week, more than the original series of mishaps unfortunately (poor Frankie :'D), and it also sets up a lot of stuff prior to the first week of school for them that I think is super important to their character. - Taking A Lycan To New Salem (Working Title), a short story about one of Clawdeen's human-side escapades gone wrong. (I want to talk about this one SO BAD but alas, it'll have to wait til I finish the fic. I'm already 1k words into it!) And I have several more in mind that I can't wait to write and share. Until then, I'll keep you guys posted!

(Random side note: I had no idea how many of these characters were gonna have a criminal record like holy shit dgfhgsddfg)

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I've been in a super artsy mood so if I can manage to actually complete a sketch of the team, I really wanna post a drawing of XXY as a whole (I tend to ditch my sketches after 1-2 characters are drawn q-q). I also really wanna draw the "Normie Trio/3" as I call them, consisting of Robin, Mitch and Mike. I eventually wanna draw more characters that get redesigns from age, alterations in the case of the reboot villains, and such, but I think I just needed to get into the art mood again cause now I actually plan to do these things! :D

Also, while progress has been slow, I'm gonna assume from my current status that I'll be able to complete XXY's next batch probably around the end of this year, to be released in January. I'm so sorry to delay its release to January, but please understand I am really passionate about this story and wanna make it the best (and most fun) I can make it. And I'm not gonna go out and say "hey this is exactly how many chapters there'll be," but I might end up making about 70 chapters total including all the intermission/MultiPOV chapters, but that remains to be seen.

I do have good news for you guys, however; considering where the story is headed, I've realized I'm gonna need to throw in another intermission chapter at the end of this batch, with a new character's POV! They haven't shown up yet, and won't until that chapter, but believe me when I say I am VERY VERY excited to write it and I really love this character. The chapter name for them is super appropriate too lol.

While I'm here I'm gonna drop the chapter titles, as they don't really reveal anything. The previous theme was weather patterns, focusing on the coming and going of rain and shine. This one's flowers!

Chapter 8 - Gladiolus Chapter 9 - Hyacinth Chapter 10 - Spearmint Chapter 11 - Coriander Chapter 12 - Hibiscus Chapter 13 - Violet Chapter 14 - Jasmine Tobacco

Hope all the little tidbits I shared hold you guys over and get you excited for the coming months. Thanks as always for your patience!