#real shit all my ED stuff has been back w a vengeance but being older and wiser i can see it for the adaptive poverty response it is

[bandofchimeras]

anyone else up considering the extent to which being multiply infected with COVID against your will has diminished not only ability to care for self but also will, bc of how many complications there are to your ore existing health conditions it's like a hydra where cutting off a head grows three more?

like fungal infections, heart stuff, joints, kidney, brain, wow there are so many fronts on which my body feels fucking NERFED and I am doing good if I eat one meal a day and drink a few cups of water and shower.

hygiene, dental work, cleaning, fashion, self love, skincare beating addictions, exercising or fitness goals, cooking more, skills and hobbies, much less gender affirming surgery, it's all just gone out the window. I felt defeated by COVID. And how little anyone cared. staying alive, bare minimum, paying bills. It's like depression but not as emotional - existential fatigue. You have to start settling for bare minimum.

But with community, meeting people who do, it's waking back up the impulse to value and love and respect myself. That foundation of love is hard to tap into again. It's not just that traumatic experiences or loss of ability interrupt your life, they can really flatten you out too. Knock you in the dirt enough times and like, you could get up and clean yourself again but what's the point? It's easier to go around already dirty. You're outta energy. You gotta find food, or a dollar.

And that's where the system breaks us. Not the big emotional rending but the dulling, the wear and tear on your spirit til you have no fucks left to give or energy to express your unique energy. Til you start dragging everyone around you down with you into the dirt because who deserves to be clean???

That's the real injury, amid all the injuries of the body. And we must fight it tooth and nail.

I can't do all I used to do for myself and others but I can dig into our essential dignity. I can start to try again.

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars       Massacre

Oh, wow is that what     we’re really going with,

  Don’t get me wrong     the tone has been better     but are you sure you want to take on something       like a massacre?         (Sla-very-            Kinda-

   Aight,

  Start,

 (Also yeah whatever did happen to Ventress because she screwed up in attempt at Dooku’s life*, backing   down, and I thought she had just    cool-ed from the whole revenge thing-      -    *Not killing him        voluntarily   when she had the chance,        -          No

   Lightsisters? 

   Did I-       hear that      right?

    Yeah,

       It honestly sounds like they’re saying                “Lightsisters,”                        Instead                     of                  night sisters                     as                    previous,

Also yeah going back to the people that encouraged your toxic behavior and are toxic enabling generational breakers

Also, they don’t recognize      her?

I do have to admit I never got the idea of     plasma arrows,

   Or possibly     coming to hold someone accountable,

   That expression really      doesn’t speak of flee  

   Ing

  Also I’ve vented my emotions and I’m going to go kick the        unaccountables to the curb

   (With maybe        one more ro        -ast       before I do          so-)

   Point being, she seems a lot more stable          (And center     -ed)

   Uhm

     ?

   What,  

    Ok there was a small       modicum of change            in the emotions,

     Hid-ing

    Hey, that’s good

    Much

    Hey there’s some accountability there,

    Has forsaken

    Okay never mind       it’s spiraling             downward           -s

     N-othing

     Sisters

     Kinda the weakest relation of all 

       but this is actually pretty on top

      Just replace sister with a “friend,” or “generation,”     and you’ve got a good idea

        At least it wasn’t             “me”,

        Yeah,

        Sith

      Okay, that’s some good    advice,

        Us       That’s a bit of thought assuming,

        Ordered about

     Ah, lady that includes you          you know,

       Sisters

       Ok you know I’m all about loyalty to generation and humanity,          But this is feeling kind of supremacist right now,

     Like

       Maybe        a bit jumpy,

  Okay this is a relatively validating       talk

   Never mind it just got tox and         over involved,

     Gosh darn it

   The Bean wanted some actual non- over- involvement       affection/in     valid          ation-            And you turned it           tox,          Oof,      

    Ships

                           There are                           lots of ships, by the way

     Yeah, is this back to hunting down savage line or did          I just-           Oh,       Well this is an odd conversation

     Grievous just bounding up

           Not actu                     ally the relaxed or cordial meeting

           You’d expect from two people of      evil,

         Two that know the location of each other’s               lair,

         ...summon

   Pretty much out of nowhere because Dooku usually uses the       hologram, so far as we’ve seen,          And there hasn’t been any real big set up          to any sort of major event          That would require the           amassing of the                droid army,    Or an        in person      audience,

 Seriously,   you called him here for       that?

  Look my apprentice        tried to very weakly kill me         Pretty much up and           gave up near        the end,

      But I’m still sore,

    So I’m sending             you

Grievous; (internally)        I am a general         how would I be any          help in tracking down         one person, with            my pro-             fess            ion            in        Military,             A category so broad and       general (Area of            effect) that I would be          near to absolutely useless              in this quest,           Which boils down to very             specific              pettry

       Again how is     Grievous going to be at all helpful in this?            -              Like that’s a small ragtag team of          rebels,

         That is way below            his area of affect,

          He’s more likely to bungle it up on the basic concept of it’s             really outside his thing,    

 Also yeah let’s send the one lone person to a place most known for its        gaslighting,

     I know grievous is robot       but he clearly has emotions like a human          (Or any sentient)         Requiring/desiring stimuli            and companion                  -ship,

               (As                  seen                  previously)

                 Really this quest is really outside his       mode of    operation,

   Like he’s used to strictly logical widespread     warfare, against multiple moving shapes           (large vessels)

     And you’re sending him in to close range   restrained targets using emotional manipulation, at       high sp-        eeds-           -           (Similar to guerrilla warfare)

   You’re setting this dude up for failure

   Yeah he might succeed by numbers alone

    But you’re going to lose a lot just           based on wastefulness and           just that not being his mode of operation    (Noting particularly the expedition where he crash landed on a planet and barely made out with his skin)

-abandoning     hundreds of         troops   -         (I’ve already talked enough about how this                 just doesn’t work                            and     how this should be seen as a stupid move)

    And should be seen as more of an insult.

     Bent         Back

      Blue            Robe-                -             To         Battle            . . .           Against a small group of          rebels

(Like   seriously,)

Buddy, you can stop with the epic music I know that’s a lot of ships but there is nothing epic about this,

   Any way..

    Okay, never mind this got really tox,

    I do

  Loyalty is always been a weird concept to me because yeah it always changes because there’s so much to see and do

   The only loyalty should be to the concept of    account-ability

  (And not    being a dick    ,)

Ven -tress joins a death cult

  [Seriously blood oaths and              life oaths               are cre                ep-

People and things changed and no amount of oaths or       false promises are going to             fix that,

   It’s just something you have to except             or manage, correctly

You can’t control    other people.

Whelp she drank the whole thing of Kool-Aid,

(Also didn’t they just go over the con-   - sequences of messing with the stuff,”

Also guess he’s going to need a new name because     Ven-tress given to her by    her abuser      (Or was    so implied,”       )

?

Also I’m supposed to view this as advanced gaslighting      right

What hap-pened?

 Her eyes?

Night

“M       -other,”            Yep she’s drinking that Kool-Aid

     F-east

   Oh it was going to be used to introduce us to anyone else because we know literally no one and everyone else seems to be just   extras,

Bo-nding     is    nice,

  Will    ing        ly,         -      W-h         -        This is going      on-

    ?

   Thank you          p-erson I barely know          -            Also Dooku coming into ruin good times                   -           Buzz kill             -              Droid                . . .                  You know if it’s been time building up their                 bond,

           This might’ve been more impactful-

           [ It still works but       the weird creepy in humane behavior before hand doesn’t really help,”  

    ]

    Any way,

    W-ar

   So much for your plan

  [oh so yeah attacking random [Neutral] planet just because you have a    hate bo      -ner

     ?         -?

   You know this would be better if           it had occur-            red like right     -after,

    Like, Dooku, was like;        Okay, well that plan went horribly,           So now I know that Ven-           tress and all of          Dathomir hates me,

    Let me send someone        stealthy to do the job

     You’re telling me Dooku doesn’t have anyone           Besides like the main three            four-            Bad guys?             -             Like this is chain of command where are the         gimmick minions?

   [Besides evil, vengeance        And t    -ech,”           ]

      ?   Oy why do you have the Clankers  and the tanks    marching next to each   other?

  Like what do you want the    heavy artillery in the back,

  Yeah I get this gives them better   range but wouldn’t you want some    pro-tection            -             ?

   Also yeah what happened to all the       males?

   Like I know Ven-       tress       beat a couple of them     up,

    But,

     ?      -       No, they’re here because      Dooku is an ass who doesn’t understand   strat-egic     planning,

And also he sent   Grievous,

 Like you’re the     (Ex) concept of vengeance

     -          The confidence   alone        -    you should kick his ass

Also,     sense it?

 There was only four guys     to your entire   operation,      like 1/4         Chance..

W-h

 That suck         -ed

  Also   good job not dodg-        ing,

 Seriously that was pure     rock that she could      see coming,

Okay, there’s no way     -she’s dead,

    ?

  Okay?

Also where are the lines because you really didn’t have        her plan for this shit,

   [Also this would be a really great moment right now Ventress to go to Bez-er-ker mode and get some revenge on her ab-       us       -er          -       I know this whole things theme     is “letting go of the past,”        Which you do,         after you get the past somewhere          where it can’t constantly            hurt you,

  And pose      a threat            (Or          stress,     )

Point being emotions have a      reason as well as      (a time and a Place)       And while venting is fine           murder is not,            Don’t      conflict        the two        . . .   [Also     they’re just clustered together,”

   also how is your        gaslighting         magic going to         work against robots?

  [also is Ven-tress going to die because her arc is pretty much over and the only way I can see this ending is via redemption equals death

    (Seeing as she’s around Obi-Wan’s age (or at least an adult around          Sky          -walker’s) so her window of absolute redemption and accou-         ntability is      pretty much         over..

     Also,          Ok, I guess it’s against droid it’s not too much out of her       range,

     (Though if it’s actual people she would probably         be dead,)

    Or     daca?

  At-      tack-

  Also I guess she’s      lead-              er now,            (Also that line was a little        emotionaless)

        Trees

     Makes sense for the ar-           -chers     -use the surroundings,               ?

           Did she just            fall off a tree,              ,                    Good for                 Them,

         A-ight-

             ?

[so yeah sending the robots to deal with these sentient     person 

 least to say it’s no surprise that ended up terribly,

           ?

        Witches

        Again sending the tech guy was pretty much       guaran-      teeing failure,

      As in any older Gen          -younger Gen        fight-

   Metall

      ?

   Cave?

    Holo-    

    ?        ?

   ?  

[again    I’m putting that down to gaslighting          magic,]

     ?

   Why the look back?

    Or is that just showing us the magic cave 

     (for future reference)          -            ?

     And apparently the attack just stopped 

   (or maybe it’s on a different front)

    Point being those guys want needed and Mother needed two people to get the thing,

    ?

  What          ?

   Ser-iously there’s just someone       be-hind there?

   What’s the point of the            metal?

     Not,      even the same species

   (I think)

  Also, resurrect-?

   Look lady I don’t know what you know about resurrection but it doesn’t work like that,

  Definitely not something              a boomer can perform,

   Also,        Ah, movie you might not want to do that considering bringing people back from the dead tends to break any kind of tension,  or suspension,

   And she was presumably         an adult,

    So yeah      that shouldn’t be possible,

      ?

 Okay,  you do not really       want to go there,

    Ok yeah I’m going to have the bitch...   out about now

       (I don’t there’s anything particularly tox         or that I should know any of that info-             rmation,

      This is generally supposed to be some divine          zombie bullshit,

       Which,              Is just a nope for me          personally,

[Honestly this episode is completely fine, clearly meant to be some kind of  Grievous vs Ventress thing, and so long as the bring things back to the dead pothole gets closed up by the end of it      ,I’m not too mad

  (Otherwise the galaxy is pretty damn       screw.         -ed        [Quick.       Reverb]         Scan