#reading also that original Lovelessness essay ''love is meant to make me human / love is also the mechanism by which my humanity

[unproduciblesmackdown]

truly something that, amidst facing / going through a dramatic Life Change ft. unavoidable emotional effects of that, there are instances where i can't conceal any & all degrees of being distressed / upset, & repeatedly getting "it's hard for me too" as a Direct Response to that: really something & a half how the asserted theoretical Sympathy of [i feel similarly!] is invoked so as to, oh you know, preclude sympathetic Treatment. such as that what would be More sympathetic in these instances would be to say Nothing, "if there's nothing but dismissal / making it first & foremost about someone else's feelings to say, don't say it at all" style

[dude-trust-the-cloak]

Hi! I saw your posts over on your art account about being aplatonic/loveless and I've barely heard the term before (just in passing on a couple blogs but not used by anyone who identifies with it) but I think it might fit me. I was just wondering if you had any good sites to research more about it. If not it's ok I'll definitely try to look into it too but there's probably a lot of false information out there about it to sift through so it'd be nice to have a starting point.

Thanks :)

Hi, thank you! It makes me really happy that my comics have already started to help people not just learn about the community, but also themselves.

I’m going to be honest, I’m not really sure if I have any great sites for more information. I first heard about aplatonic through word of mouth, and then found more information by googling it. The first result for me was the LGBTQIA+ Wiki. It seems that they’ve changed a lot of their pages since then, however, and I don’t think the aplatonic page has as much useful information as it once did. They got rid of any mention of the alternative flag, and they took away all the quotes from the original coiner of the term. His quote about what aplatonic meant to him is what first resonated so much with me, and it was a key part of why I identify as that now. They also cut from the official definition all mentions of not feeling platonic love, which sucks, because that’s a large reason why aplatonic is part of my identity. (I also feel little/no platonic attraction, but still!) Their explanation is a lot more sparse, and I don’t really see it as an amazing resource any more. Going back and looking at terms now, it seems the wiki is also completely gotten rid of their loveless aromantic page, so I don’t know what’s up with that.

Also, keep in mind that while experiences can overlap, being aplatonic and being loveless are two separate experiences and identities :). The problem with being such a small community is that there’s not a whole lot of places to get information. I’d definitely recommend this essay by K. A. Cook about hir experiences with the word “love” as a loveless aro, and how the idea that “love makes us human” is harmful. Otherwise, I’d just recommend reading other loveless/aplatonic people’s experiences, and how they define that identity for themselves. Tumblr is a place where you can find stuff, and while I’m not part of of it, r/aplatonic on Reddit seems to be a pretty sizable community as well.

Doing a google dive into it, I found some stuff? There’s this post from AUREA, and for kicks, the og post from AVEN that coined the term. I remember reading his post, particularly when he said “I have friends and care about them; but love is a powerful word, and one I cannot apply to them,” and being like “oh my god it’s not just me.” Other than that… that’s all I really found for aplatonic that wasn’t tumblr. Others than some Reddit posts, and a whole lot of tumblr, I got no hits for loveless aromantic.

As for misinformation, the first thing I can think of is this. Aplatonic is NOT an aro exclusive identity, as well as all of the other points they hit. Let’s not make this an identity that excludes people who aren’t aromantic. Alloromantic people can still have a complicated (or nonexistent) relationship with platonic love and attraction.

Whew, I think that’s it! I really wish I could be of more help, and have more informational content, but unfortunately I don’t. If anyone else knows of some great resources, please feel free to comment them!