#read in David Attenborough voice

[9n9rchist]

"I’ve never asked for money on the internet", prostitute confirmed.

Here we observe one of many incels in my inbox. They are particularly active this time of year. These feeble creatures attack not for food, but for sex. Unfortunately for the incel, not even a prostitute would touch him with a 90 foot pole.

[andy-clutterbuck]

Andy being an adorable little shit Bts of TWD 8x13

[scratchandplaster]

FEBUWHUMP DAY 29 - Not allowed to die

CW: tiny/nonhuman Whumpee, existential horror

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Whumpee is a small homunculus sculpted from wax. When the sun sets, the creator ignites its body and spirit to illumine their workplace. It can walk to every spot it is commanded to, silent and dutifully giving its life force for them, as wax drips down its body.

Throughout its short life, the homunculus is always careful not to mark any scattered manuscripts on the table with its spilled self.

At the end of the night, the creator will blow out their flame of life as swift as they gave it and mold its successor anew out of cold remains and fresh wax. A part of it is forced to live on forever, yet that's all it is good for: fulfilling an unending purpose.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Art ↓

So yesterday I used a gif with my prompt that I got from a public source, but thanks to a comment I was told it was actually stolen from the artist kirokaze. If you liked the gif, check them out! Guess l´ll use less gifs in the future.

To make amends, you have to put up with my own sketches for now. Here is the little wax dude from above:

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Thanks for reading 🤍 [Febuwhump 2024 Masterlist]

@febuwhump

[fire-fira]

Blue Devil #7

Dan and Sharon get to the restaurant with no problems, dinner looks like it's going to go off without a hitch, and these... fucking...

The way those people are looking through the window and talking about Dan reminds me of wildlife scientists trying to record the mating behavior of fucking birds or something. Like he's a gods-damned specimen.

Absolutely beyond creepy.

[inspired-lesson-plans]

Do Now:

Write a list of career options that you could have that would enable a life of chasing the wonders of Planet Earth.

[just-a-queer-fanboy]

Hi. I'm Charlie. And I have every mental illness. This is my story.

[teavyy]

Referring to one-self in plural form, in addition to dissociation has the additional benefit of functioning as a defense tactic, giving the illusion that we are many.

This tactic scares away potential predators, similar to how various animals utilize patterns of eyes on their body to detract from larger carnivores.

[pucksandpower]

Lance Stroll x Wolff!Reader - Social Media AU

y/nwolff

Liked by lance_stroll, estebanocon, and 861,702 others

y/nwolff went into quarantine as a girlfriend and proud owner of a pet rock, leaving quarantine as a fiancée and proud mom to our fur baby

View all 2,594 comments

lance_stroll can we just stay here? i don’t want to share you with the rest of the world again

y/nwolff no can do, the season is starting back up again soon

lance_stroll i’ll quit. it’s not like either of us really has to work if we don’t want to

y/nwolff but you love racing

lance_stroll i love you more though

y/nwolff i like seeing you in your race suit too much to let you stop

lance_stroll promise to be at every race?

y/nwolff you know i always am ❤️

estebanocon i can’t wait to meet estie bestie jr

lance_stroll for the last time, we didn’t name our dog after you

estebanocon says who?

y/nwolff literally us

estebanocon that sign can’t stop me because i can’t read

f1wagupdates the best quarantine glow up 😍

vogueitalia

Liked by y/nwolffstroll, lance_stroll, and 473,926 others

vogueitalia Love, luxury, and a union of dynasties! Elegance and style met in true fairytale fashion for Lance Stroll and Y/N Wolff’s breathtaking wedding. Explore their glamorous weekend affair on the Amalfi Coast in a Vogue Italia exclusive.

View all 408 comments

dancestroll this just called me poor in a hundred different languages 😭

f1wagupdates the only royal wedding that matters

bigbadwolff the photo of toto tearing up as he walked y/n down the aisle 🥺

lightsoutlance i don’t care what anyone says, toto and lawrence would do (and have done) anything for their kids and it’s adorable

astonmartinf1

Liked by y/nwolffstroll, lance_stroll, and 638,542 others

astonmartinf1 *David Attenborough voice*

Here we see the Wolff casually Stroll-ing around her natural habitat

View all 719 comments

lance_stroll yowza 🤩

y/nwolffstroll you use social media like a middle-aged dad

lance_stroll you can just call me “daddy” 😉

y/nwolffstroll please never say that again

lance_stroll i instantly regretted it the moment i hit post 😬

y/nwolffstroll admin deserves a raise

astonmartinf1 thank you! feel free to tell your father-in-law that 🫣

mercedesamgf1 independent fact-checkers say this is false. her natural habitat is our garage

astonmartinf1 fight us for her then

mercedesamgf1 time and place?

y/nwolffstroll both teams get me equally and if you can’t accept that then i will have no choice but to start cheering for red bull

astonmartinf1 fine … we’ll be civil

mercedesamgf1 the enemy of our enemy is our friend 🤝

[peppermintquartz]

It's been a tiresome day at work, but dinner and a documentary on orangutans (hard to go wrong with David Attenborough) have perked Buck's mood up. Tommy has already brushed his teeth and got in bed, midway through a new murder romance comedy - Bad Men, by Julie Cohen - and is grinning to himself.

"This is definitely inspired by that Hannibal series," Tommy says, adjusting his reading glasses.

"Albert told me it was a well-made show, and the food is supposedly really delicious, but I'm not sure I wanna watch it and feel hungry watching a cannibal munching on a liver, y'know?" Buck plugs in his phone. "Speaking of cannibals, we gotta decide on a costume idea for Maddie's Halloween party. It's with the kids so we gotta keep it PG. Funny is okay, nothing too scary, sexy is definitely out."

"I'm thinking cowboy and gladiator. Night at the Museum."

Buck can see it. He still has a cowboy hat and boots somewhere, he thinks. And chaps are easy to rent.

"You know where to get the gladiator outfit?"

"I know a guy."

"Of course you do. Wish we could do scary costumes though, that woulda been fun." Yawning, Buck sheds his sweater and kicks off his pants, intending to pull on sweatpants, when he hears Tommy gasp loudly.

"What? What?" Buck looks around, thinking he's going to see a huge roach or something.

Tommy's eyes are wide and he's staring at Buck. "That's so scary!"

"What? What's scary?"

Tommy points a shaking finger at Buck... and Buck's boxers.

Which have little cartoon jack-o'-lanterns all over them.

Biting back a smirk, Buck glances at Tommy, who is not hiding his smirk. In fact, Tommy shudders dramatically.

"They're so scary. You should take them off," he says, grinning as he sets aside his book and glasses, his eyebrows wagging.

Buck saunters over to the foot of the bed to stare suggestively at his boyfriend, who pulls up the blanket and wraps them around himself. "These are scary, huh."

"So terrifying." Tommy covers his eyes. His shoulders shake with stifled giggles.

"Well, I shouldn't be scaring my boyfriend," Buck drawls. He shimmies out of his frightful boxers. "There, there. See? Nothing to be scared of now."

Tommy pouts, his lower lip wobbling. He looks utterly ridiculous. "Hold me?" he says, in the tiniest voice he can manage. "Please?"

"You absolute dork." Buck laughs and burrows under the blanket.

---

PS: If you know the comic this little fic is based on, please drop the link below so I can credit. I can't find it 😭 my tumblr search-fu has failed me

[devilmen-collector]

Hello, i read your drabble with the kings when they catch you watching Super Sentai. Now Can I request how about them(the kings+Minhyeok(optional)) catch you watching animals documentary LOL

Thank you💙

Of course LOL

*Sir David Attenborough's voice narrating in the background*

Kings + Minhyeok catch Reader watching animal documentary 🐘

Satan

(What could be better than watching animal documentary, especially one about wild cats, while having a cat's sunny fur smell in the background. It adds to the immersion /hj)

At first, you were too absorbed in the documentary to realize the cat sunny fur smell in the air wasn't something you imagined from watching animal documentary too much.

However, when the scene of two animal fighting over mate/territory was shown, you could hear a small laugh beside, half pleasant half snickering.

"Satan!!!!" You shouted.

"As I thought, you always watch interesting thing, Y/N."

Now you were left puzzled with what Satan found interesting in an animal documentary. Was it because the animals were beautiful and majestic? No that couldn't be it. Or was it because since animals always follow their instinct, they are similar to devils in a way, because devils are honest with themselves and their desires. Oh great, now all you brain wants to think about is sex.

Damnit, Satan!

Mammon

You didn't hear Mammon coming, when you realized that he was in the room with you, you were already being moved. The King of Greed set you sitting on his lap, leaning you on his firm chest.

"Isn't this more comfortable, Master?" He said, making you flustered and more focused on him than on the documentary.

"Master, if you love these animals so much, I could catch them and bring them to you so you could admire them more closely." You heard Greed said and immediately reacted and gave him a lecture on how that would affect negatively on the wild animals, to which Mammon agreed and said:

"Ah yes, those animals are best not imprisoned inside a cage, just like how certain treasures shine most when they are free."

Leviathan

Each time Leviathan heard the world "great", "noble", "majestic", "beautiful", etc that the narrator used to describe the animal and saw you focusing on the screen, he scowled. Is he not greater, more noble, more majestic and more beautiful than those wild beasts? So Y/N, you should look at him instead of those animals.

"Hang."

Beelzebub

"Oh those animals look delicious." The King of Gluttony put his chin on your head as he commented, half-jokingly.

"Bell, no eating these animals, okay? This species is at risk of being extinct."

"Really? But there are hundreds of them..."

"Bell!!!"

"Alright, alright, I got it, no eating them if you say so." Bell said and winked.

Minhyeok

"Finally, you are watching something else beside porn, Y/N."

"Hey, it's not like porns are all I watch." You protested as Minhyeok laughed. Nevertheless, he decided to sit down and watch the documentary with you, which made you remember the wonderful childhood you two shared before the death of your parents. You couldn't help but being grateful of Minhyeok for being with you all the way, through all the ups and downs of your life.

I hope you like it 💙

[stories-in-the-wind]

This is fanart for the free browser based game Flight Rising which is basically a pet collecting game with dragons where you have a ton of different dragon types, genes and eye types you can use to customize dragons in your lair. And you can even dress them up!

It's a lot of fun (I've been here for 10 years lol) and if you do join hit me up and I'll send over a little welcome package to help you get started!

Muckbottom gulls flock around a hunting guardian in hopes of snagging an easy breakfast.

2 hour sketch...

[sirianasims]

The Don Diaries

Don's plans for the night involve going to the Romance Festival, and for some reason there are only women attending, which should give Don great odds.

Despite the Romance Guru's obvious scepticism, Don hits it off with Shayla the Redhead.

He tries to flirt with her, but little Miss Aggressively Low-Cut here keeps interfering to joke about politicians.

Girl, read the room. Even the vendor thinks this is awkward.

[David Attenborough voice] "Lesbians set out to impress one another when they start courtship and mating and my goodness how impressive they can be, so it makes for a wonderful sight."

Ignoring the frenzied scissoring across the square for a second, Don gives up on making Miss Low-Cut leave and simply invites both women back to his place while the vendor questions his life choices.

Back in the penthouse, it seems to finally dawn on Miss Low-Cut what she has inadvertently joined.

Wisely, she retreats.

Thankfully, Matteo has gotten the perfect second quirk. He will need it in this house.

And so, Don and Shayla continue, despite Herbert the Robot Vacuum trying to spoil the mood do his job.

Shayla leaves the next morning, and Don has actually taken a liking to her, although they are far from officially anything, which is probably for the best.

Gracie, I don't know what kind of unhinged spy network you and Gina have going on, but this is beneath you and WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?!?!

[vladdyissues]

We Have A Problem

Danny could scarcely contain his excitement. After eight long months, the wait was finally over: Tonight was the premiere of the hotly-anticipated new television docuseries, Knowing Universe.

The product of decades of research and collaborative efforts from the world’s greatest minds—astronomers, physicists, astronauts, engineers—Knowing Universe was rumored to have had a production budget somewhere in the hundreds of millions and boasted the latest advancements in computer graphics and long-range photography. New lenses had to be fitted to NASA’s telescopes to provide viewers with high-resolution images. Helmed by a famous Hollywood director and scored by Hans Zimmer, Knowing Universe was expected to go down in history as the most pivotal science documentary ever created, eclipsing even Carl Sagan’s beloved Cosmos.

A year ago Danny would have eschewed such blasphemy, but the litany of promos and sneak peeks on The Science Channel had finally won him over. It was all he had talked about for the past month.

Every member of the Fenton family knew what a monumental occasion this was to Danny, and had marked their calendars accordingly. With the big day finally here, a festive atmosphere descended upon Fenton Works. Pizza was ordered. Living room furniture was rearranged around the TV, the windows blacked out with construction paper. Glittery blue streamers festooned the ceiling. Glow-in-the-dark stars and meteors spackled the wall. Jack made three enormous batches of “galaxy brownies”, a regular brownie recipe but studded with white chocolate morsels and multicolored candy sprinkles. Maddie and Jazz took care of the music, arranging a playlist consisting of space-themed songs that featured such hits as David Bowie’s Space Oddity and anything by Daft Punk. Sam brought over a tray of veggies that had been cut into star shapes, and Tucker had printed out cards for an astronomy-themed parlor game to play while they waited.

At eight o’clock the lights were dimmed. Everyone gathered in front of the TV. Danny, hyped out on too much sugar, grinned like a maniac, practically vibrating with anticipation.

Sam passed a smirk to Tucker. “I think we know what to get him for his birthday this year.”

“Yeah,” Tucker laughed. “Posters, t-shirts, the DVD set—”

“Shh, shh,” Danny hissed. “It’s starting!”

Six pairs of eyes glued themselves to the opening sequence: a panning, high-definition shot of Earth, complemented by a gentle, sustained note on flute. Then, a voice:

“For as long as humanity has existed, we have looked to the stars…”

The ecstatic grin slid off Danny’s face.

It wasn’t David Attenborough’s educated gravel, or Neil deGrasse Tyson’s friendly, conversational baritone. No, this voice was intimately familiar, lightly accented, arrogant, with phlegmy fricatives and a rolling, almost musical modulation.

Tucker clapped his hand over his mouth. Sam goggled at the screen.

“Oh, my God, no,” Danny murmured.

Jack Fenton popped to attention. “Hey! That’s Vladdie!”

“No.”

“Vlad’s narrating the show!”

“No.”

“Hey, Danny, isn’t this—”

Outside Fenton Works, a howl rose over the rooftops, and every dog in the neighborhood took up the call:

“NOOOOO!”

Read on AO3

[fave-fight]

ROUND 2, MATCH 34

NO MAGIC, POWERS, WEAPONS, OR ADDITIONAL HELP FROM OTHERS

Nana Hiiragi:

“Manages to convince everyone she could read minds when she very much cannot read minds. I think that’s very girlboss of her.”

A horse:

“*David Attenborough voice*  Ah! Here we see the noble horse. Truly one of nature's least survivable animals. This pathetic specimen cannot handle the breakage of it's legs, because it is too intellectually limited to avoid using the damaged appendage. In a fight with virtually any other animal the impressive strength that a stallion may demonstrate is immediately made secondary to the limited survivability of a horse.  Horses are not good fighters. I don't like horses. They will lose many many fights.  Thank you for coming to my (David H Attenborough's) TED Talk.”

“i saw this on the spreadsheet and thought it was funny so i'm supporting it with a vote. let's get a horse in this fight”

“Have you tried fighting a horse? Shit's scary :(”

[tea42]

They are not threatening, they are threatened like the rest of us.

the point of my masculinity and male positivity posts are to underline that masculinity and manhood are seen as a threat or in direct opposition to queerness, and that often times in order to be seen as queer you have to be partially or wholly feminine or gender neutral, or express your manhood in a feminine or gender neutral way in order to no longer be threatening, invasive, or a problem.

it is very difficult to exist in queer spaces as a hyper masculine person & a man. you're made to feel like you need to walk a tight rope feeling like you're inherently out of place, as if you existing and being masculine or a man in queer spaces makes others uncomfortable inherently.. just know that when i make positivity posts it is to remind us all that masculinity/manhood and queerness are not opposites and that you do not have to be a feminine man or masc person to be viewed/seen/heard as queer.

chasing men, masculine people, and masculinity out of queer spaces isn't helping anyone currently and won't help anyone down the line. please accept masc enbies, butches, bears, and masculine trans men with the same kindness, love, and passion that you do neutral and feminine people. that's the point when i make these kinds of posts. thank u

[buyakasha]

Behold! A bastard. New sona for the spooky season, this is Houndrel, a stinky little man. Thank you Susi for helping with the name ❤

Species: Skulk

Pronouns: He/him

Likes: shiny things, smooth/colourful rocks, bones, naps, rotten fruit(especially apples and pumpkins), candy, eggs, chasing things, fireflies, trickery and tomfoolery

please read the following species info in David Attenborough’s voice

Skulks are horrid, rascally creatures. Thievery and mischief are their bread and butter. They prefer to be active at night and lounge during the day. Comfortable alone or in small packs, and they reek of swamp water and dead leaves; the more potent the smell, the more likely there are more than one skulk in the area. The scent only worsens when they play dead, as they tend to do. Skulks are scavengers by nature, perfectly content eating rancid meat and even old bones, but are capable of ambush hunting using high tree branches. They make a terrible racket of noises; barks, hissing, cackles, chuffs, rumbles, screeches, bells, and croaks. Skulks are talented mimics as well, copying voices and sounds easily. Full moons bring about wretched cacophonies of singing. They hibernate through spring and summer, only emerging on the first cool autumn night.