#rbs off because i’m not coherent

[mapsareforbraindeads]

WAIT TZUYU SOLO DEVUT HHUB HHHGSHUHHHRHFVTY G WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DTEH FCK REHRBEJEBSASBSSNANAQWAAAWW

WHATE DHEBE AAAAAAAA

[halcionic]

UPDATE 4, the disinformation age; —

word count; — 62,248 words, with 8 chapters

personal thoughts; — the plot is beginning to feel repetitive and grating; i'm excited to both make it coherent in the 2nd draft and flesh out the side characters. contemplating adding another POV to break-up the monotony of the two main characters going back and forth all the time.

characters notes since last update — bayler's finally fulfilling her role in the plot; nickei and ren's internal monologues have gotten more similar than i'd prefer. my partner's mother has requested that I include the phrase "sad boy dinner," at least once, as it made her laugh her ass off when she was on speaker phone.

favorite note about writing; — realizing that, upon first meeting, nickei immediately knows what's going on with bayler, because he recognizes himself in her and he only knows himself as cruel. Ren has never realized this.

plot realizations; — I never actually explained the ability system particularly well? it took 40k for me to realize that I never mentioned the origins of abilities or their role within society; iridium city's culture and norms need to be introduced and fleshed out much earlier in the draft.

favorite excerpt from chapter seven/eight thus far; —

“I take it this is where you tell me that now our situations are reversed, I’m your prisoner, and eventually I will see the light like you intend?” Nickei asks, his voice light and mocking. His hair is pushed in front of his face, bangs heavy and unmoving even when he attempts to push them to the side. Ren does not relieve him of the annoyance. “Or perhaps do I deserve punishment, and punitive justice is the only form you know?”  “I’m not judge, jury, or executioner,” Ren says monotonously.  “Have you ever needed any?”  Ren does not answer that. Instead, he gestures toward the restraints. “We’ll make you as comfortable as we can. Unfortunately, you are under our care.”  “It isn’t care if I’d rather not be here.”  It hits Ren like a freight train — Does Nickei not remember? 

taglist; — ( send an ask / ask in a rb to be +/-)

@themadmage @charlesjosephwrites @pimclementine @username-in-waiting @reckless-rider

[fragilecapric0rnn]

I posted 4,202 times in 2022

That's 4,182 more posts than 2021!

125 posts created (3%)

4,077 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gothbat99

@greenlikethesea

@gingerbreadmunson

@hotcocoaharrington

@gullbones

I tagged 2,123 of my posts in 2022

Only 49% of my posts had no tags

#stranger things - 323 posts

#steddie - 297 posts

#fanart - 130 posts

#steve harrington - 84 posts

#eddie munson - 65 posts

#fic - 62 posts

#sen writes - 54 posts

#writing - 45 posts

#steddie fic rec - 41 posts

#steddie fic - 40 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#obviously so i can send them a quick lil ‘ur story ruined me thank you’ message but to also rb their posts abt it/rec their fics on my blog

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

you can take your heart from your chest to use as a compass when you are lost

The Steddie Missed Connections AU || Chapters: 6/6 || Complete 

Thanksgiving 2009.

Steve, who is about to host the brood of children (who somehow aren't children anymore) in a cabin for the long weekend, after a semi-bad week, all while batting off Dustin's attempts at playing matchmaker and dodging phone calls from his mother. And at some point some strange man on the internet broadcasts his worst public moment for the other Craigslist freaks to see.

What could go wrong? Or right?

Steve is finding his life to be very different than he thought it would be. He’s also finding that maybe that’s okay.

59 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

#4

It’s Fanfic Writer Appreciation Day and there happen to be some writers that I appreciate and want to show my love to them for sharing their talents with us! 

(Steddie Edition bc they are on the mind 24/7)

The Steddie brainrot has led me to reading a TON of fic. So, I am finally making a rec list of all of the fics that have not been able to leave my brain since they walked into my life. 

As I was compiling this list I noticed a running theme and that is that these are all future fics and what can I say? I’m just a simple girl who’s a sucker for Steve/Eddie in the 90s/early 2000s. I think it has something to do with my love for romcoms from this era and thinking of them as older just makes me want to fall to the floor. 

So here they are, in no particular order: 

1. the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it’s you by @greatunironic; 

Sixteen years after the world didn't end for the last time, Max Mayfield showed up on Steve’s doorstep and said, “You gonna walk me down the aisle in May or what?” 

Or, it’s 2002 and Steve Harrington attends a wedding, a funeral, and a birth. (Word Count: 34,990)

The way that this fic bore into my soul, I seriously can’t think about it for too long without getting emotional. This one feels like a given considering the fact that I am now getting TikToks my fyp of people out of context referring to this fic, which is how I stumbled upon a recommendation of it. If you haven’t read it yet, PLEASE DO. It’s a national treasure at this point. 

2. Let us Dwell in Fair Ithilien and There Make a Garden series by @sparklyslug and @greenlikethesea (Word Count: 61,151) (Description from Three Weddings and a Funeral) 

Steve Harrington falls in love and gets married. Not in that order. Some other stuff happens along the way too. But those are the two big things. That first one especially.

(Or: celebrations of life)

This series, much like aforementioned most remarkable thing, is set mostly in the future with the gang as adults, and Steve and Eddie dancing around their feelings for each other for nearly 15 years. That is a gross oversimplification in my opinion because it is honestly so much more than that! Like, it’s set in the future, but there is time jumping, and references to previous parts of the series, its just it’s own universe within the ST universe! Ugh, I got flustered trying to put coherent thoughts to how much I fucking love this series and the way that these two have crafted am entirely new canon for me to latch onto. Go read this. Like right now. I also suggest reading it in the writers’ suggested hard mode! 

3. Keep It for Me by @stereobone; 

It's 1993, and Steve is attending Lucas and Max's wedding. It's 1993, and no one has seen Eddie Munson in seven years. (Word Count: 9,741)

For one thing, the little NorCal girl in me was foaming at the mouth at the thought of a chunk of the party living in The Bay Area as adults. This one has the meeting again years later element, which is just so good! This also has writer!Eddie which made my heart burst, and the pining and reunification of it all. Again, I have a hard time putting words to how much this fic has nestled its way into my heart! Repeat: GO READ IT!!!

4. alone again, or by @pizzaqueen; 

It’s 1991 and Steve is still in Hawkins, still living with his mother, still single, and still working at Family Video. At least he’s the manager now, for whatever that’s worth. But he’s stuck here while Robin and Dustin and everyone else have moved away. Moved on.

Well, everyone except for Eddie.

They're best friends, spend most of their time together, and it's nice to have a friend like that. But Steve is still looking for love with a capital "L". At least, he thinks he is. (Word Count: 20,765)

This one is definitely different than the ones I talked about above. But, this one is still fucking fantastic! More of a coming-of-age vibe in a we’re twenty somethings and life looks a lot different than we thought it would and I think thats okay kind of way. Which spoke to me in a way that I also kind of need right now as a twenty something who feels just like that :’) Also love the character of Steve’s mom, which is something we don’t see a lot of, Steve having a supportive parent, and it is very sweetly written. This fic felt like a popsicle on a warm day. READ! IT!

Again, happy Fanfic Writer Appreciation Day! Let’s keep showing our favorite writers love every day of the year! 

107 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

#3

Steddie Fic Rec #2

Like most, the Steddie brainrot is still very much active. I’ve also discovered that I love making rec lists, so here is another! There’s not much cohesion to these ones other than the fact that I just really enjoyed them, so you should enjoy them too!  

In order by word count:  

Up the Punks by @sparklyslug 

Steve has good intentions, but does not realize that punks and metalheads are natural enemies

Explicit. Completed. (Word Count: 5,505)

Oh, sparklyslug, how you’ve managed to steal my heart with your Steve and Eddie in only five thousand-ish words. As if I could expect anything less from ½ of the brains behind the Fair Ithilien series, it makes perfect sense for their solo work to be fantastic! 

This fic is perfect if you’re looking for something short, sweet, and hilarious. Like the dialogue and characterization is just so *chefs kiss* I could basically see the interactions very clearly in my head and it’s just too good too perfect. 

the boys of summer by steveharringtoned

(Steve knows Eddie’s alive. Wayne’s the only one who believes him. So they team up to save him.)

Not Rated. Completed. (Word Count: 19,926) 

A very creative fix-it fic and like a very interesting and creative way in which Eddie is saved. I am honestly such a sucker for Uncle Wayne being included in the plot of fics, especially in the context of him being like ok sure there’s another dimension being hidden by the government, so how the hell do we save my boy. And Steve. He is just so stupidly brave and the characterization of him and his grief in this fic is just so good and different than what we typically see in fics from his POV. The dude is hurting and sometimes being hurt can be ugly and the way the writer shows that is just sooooo gooooood. 

all the missing girls are hanging out without us by @greatunironic 

“Here is a riddle: the answer is one.” Eddie Munson lives, and dies, and lives again.

Mature. Completed. (Word Count: 20,761) 

Another instance in which greatunironic does THAT. I have seen people call this a kind of feminist take on the ways in which the D*ffer Bros treat their women characters as plot devices and dispose of them at ease for the sake of the plot, and I couldn’t agree more. I don’t want to give too much away in this, but I will say this: Eddie’s characterization in this is SO GOOD. He spends the first chunk convincing himself that he’s tripping balls and if that isn’t an Eddie mood than idk what is. 

Quick note: the Steddie in this fic is more implied and is not the central focus of this fic. 

Not Exactly Napa Valley by @twiceasfar

The fake relationship AU that literally no one asked for. Featuring Steve and Robin as platonic soulmates, a destination wedding to a winery, and a thrilling quest to piss off Steve’s parents.

Robin lets out an exasperated sigh. “Eddie would be the perfect date for the wedding!”

Steve freezes.

“Whose wedding?” Eddie asks.

Mature. Completed. (Word Count: 28,900)  

This fic reminded my how much I love the fake dating trope. I always find it interesting to see everybody’s different takes on what Steve’s parents are like, and how we just all agree that they’re awful. Despite that, this fic was very fluffy and had me blushing and giggling like a child. The buildup was so good and the pace was perfect and I honestly love this fic so much. 

The Spaces In Between by @indibdraws

Steve Harrington, ex-lifeguard and babysitter extraordinaire, happens to be blessed with knowledge of first aid. Eddie is the recipient of this aid, and as he recovers he must learn to live with the fact that he owes his life to a prom-king with a 12 step haircare routine. This would be easier if he didn’t find said prom king so uncomfortably attractive.

And if the world would stop ending for five minutes.

Geez.

Explicit. Not Complete. (Word Count: 80,210) 

Typically, I try not to read fics that are unfinished, but this one ended up on my dashboard 5 times in the span of an hour and my impulse control is bad and THANK GOD IT IS BECAUSE HOLY HELL. THIS FIC. This writer should be in the writer’s room for s5 and it is honestly a crime that they aren’t. Like yes, this is a Steve/Eddie fic, but it is also SO much more. The use of canon to create an ending that was satisfying to the store and gave the characters their justice. I cannot explain how much this fic has ended up imbedding its way into my heart and soul. As soon as it's completed, I'm going to reread it again and again and even when s5 premieres I am probably going to prefer this over canon until the day that I die.

See the full post

150 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

#2

How it feels when I see new photos of Joe Keery

332 notes - Posted December 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

LISTEN. I was ready to ride the Steve Becomes A Teacher train all the way home. It’s in my fics, it’s in my planned fics. But but but LISTEN. 

Steve becoming a first responder? 

A little bit post-S4, Steve is driving home to Hawkins after moving to Indy/Chicago/a major city that’s still within reasonable driving distance for him to come see the kids. Eddie is in the passenger seat and they’re zooming down the highway, one of those picture perfect moments where they’re singing along to a Madonna song, that Eddie was complaining about just moments ago. 

Steve, always striving to be the safest driver on the road, mostly because he is almost always transporting precious cargo in the form of his loved ones, isn’t the one who sees it at first. It isn’t until Eddie loudly gasps and points out a pretty horrific car accident unfolding before their eyes in the next lane over. 

Steve pulls off to the side, a fair distance behind wreck. One of the cars is turned completely around in the other direction, the front smashed in. The other cars are also damaged, but the passengers are getting out. No one has gotten out of the turned around car. 

Without a word, without questions from either of them, the two get out of the Beamer. Eddie goes up to the other cars, a woman who’s crying her eyes out and a young family all looking spooked out of their minds, but all seemingly alright. All of this is happening in Steve’s peripheral because he is now sprinting toward the car that no one has gotten out of. He sees the shape of the driver, head laid back on the headrest, unconscious. 

“Don’t move her!” “We need to wait for help!” Bystanders yell at him. Steve doesn’t respond, the driver door now open, as he checks the girl, who looks so young that mental images of one of his kids being in her place flash across his brain, tug at his heart. 

“Eddie!” He yells past the lump in his throat, but it looks like his boyfriend was already reading his mind, as he runs over with the first aid kit that’s always stationed in the trunk of his car. 

He finds her pulse as Eddie settles beside him. He’s checking for broken bones as the girl comes to. He’s telling her to sit back and that everything is okay as Eddie is yelling at the crowd forming around them to back up, he knows what he’s doing. 

Steve gets the flashlight out of the kit, shining it in her eyes, asking her what her name is, what day it is, who the president is, she hesitates to answer but answers all the questions. 

Eddie isn’t sure if this first aid knowledge is from all the times Steve’s been assessed after all the Upside Down shit or if it’s because of his own research, though he realizes as watches Steve keep the girl calm and gently keep her from moving around at all, it’s both. 

Eddie continues to watch when the ambulance gets to the scene. He watches Steve tell the EMTs that the girl is concussed and has no other visible injuries. He watches as they assess her themselves and as they ask Steve if he’s off duty, motioning to his extensive first aid kit. Steve just says he’s had his fair share of emergencies and he knows what he’s doing. 

After the ambulance leaves, Steve and Eddie walking back to their car, even though traffic is backed up all the way to their apartment it seems, Eddie can’t stop thinking about how easily Steve fit into the “hero” role. How, sure, it’s residual Savior Of The World shit, but can’t it also be more now that the world is saved? 

When they’re back on the road, hours later, and close to home, Eddie asks, 

“Have you ever thought about becoming a paramedic?” 

Steve doesn’t say anything. But he’s thinking. No, he hasn’t thought about it. But maybe he should start thinking about it. 

738 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[catboymuqing-moving]

don’t rb, im falling asleep so this isn’t very coherent possibly

thinking abt how ppl always want to say that there’s no stigma surrounding depression anymore because ~everyone’s depressed these days~, but ppl will literally say you’re lazy or childish or actually manipulative for expressing any of the thought distortions/social behaviours that come with depression.. acting like it’s a matter of common sense or something. if someone says they feel like everyone hates them, they know it isn’t literally true but it’s how they feel regardless. maybe it’s better to just comfort them in their moment of need instead of passive aggressively telling them it’s their job to break the thought cycle and they’re hurting others by being ungrateful for their love or whatever.. putting value judgements on symptoms & acting like it’s easy to just turn it off.. also. if someone is isolating themselves or whatever, they don’t need to be told that they’re making themselves feel worse and they need to form better habits and basically do more work to fix it for themselves.. like. they know that already lol. and if someone is hurting very badly in the moment, what they probably need is simple kindness and not cbt homework from a Friend? we’re always talking about not treating your friends as your therapists but also don’t try to treat your friends like clients!! idk i’ve done all this too i still do it i’m just trying to rethink how i approach people who r in pain.. just trying to be kind and help friends without the judgement

[blushpanda]

chris off the shits time!

 i try to keep my thoughts to myself on this blog - I’ve gotten into too much shit speaking where I should not, and I really don’t blame people for giving me that shit because I was an idiot who needed to be put in his place. However, if I may speak seriously for a moment.

But why does this community, why does any community for that matter, have to act so innocent. Why do we sweep blatant transphobia,, abuse etc under the rug to keep it “safe.” I understand many self ship for coping and comfort - personally, I’m the same way. That doesn’t mean we should be letting people get hurt to keep it a safe space. It’s not a safe space for many, many people and that much is clear, no matter how hard we try to keep it appearing that way.

I’m white, so I won’t step into any issues about the racism in the community that many have mentioned before - though someone else, a person of color, is fully welcome to add on about that if they’ve got experiences to share, and I’ll RB any addition like that. But as a trans man I do feel comfortable saying some of you are just incredibly disgusting about stuff like neopronouns and like. the general comfort of trans individuals. including those who are nonbinary and those who are trans women. You see someone get misgendered - and I’m not talking about a slip-up that happens once or twice - and you go “oopsie! they didnt know better.” In a community of so many adults, you’d think at least one adult would know better!

also so many people believe fake accusations while ignoring genuine ones with any issues, whether abuse or manipulation what have you. You drive people out of the community who are innocent and accused without solid proof, while giving a platform to those with actual callouts, defendign their actions or ignoring their callout all together. PLEASE use your own critical thinking skills. stop blaming victims because you think their abuser deserves a second chance or isnt as bad as they claim - you’re not the victim, you shouldn’t decide that. you dont GET to decide that “their abuse isnt real” because fuck man it was sure real enough to them.

this really isnt a coherent post becase I’m mad, and it doesn’t even graze the surface of what ive seen. also ive been here like. 4 months. and yet even im fucking capable of seeing the bullshit. PLEASE try to do better, because a community that claims to be so sweet and kind being this hypocritical isn’t exactly. Great.

also, I really dont care if you don’t like the tone of this post. I’m not the only one tired of playing nice. and dont tag this as discourse or drama.

[fates-theysband]

longer than usual description under cut. i can’t link to the picrew in this post because tumblr hates links but i’ll rb with a link

jojo fans will see the ugliest clashiest collection of patterns imaginable and say “yeah we can put all of that in one design and it’ll look good” and they’re right. anyway, this is my first pass at a part 6 s/i, because these precious few hours between my 10-5 saturday shift and my 1-5 sunday shift are the most time off i’m going to get in a hot and spicy second so i might as well put out SOME sort of content so nobody thinks im dead.

this s/i’s name is Laplace Capgras, and unlike the other jjba s/is they’re actually a cousin of the main family, which is one of the ways they’re kind of the odd one out of my jjba s/is (the other being that they were actually born into said main family instead of just being some downtrodden stand user kid my part 2 s/i found on the street; their dad was actually the first of those kids but he was a little older so he grew up as a younger brother rather than a child). 

their stand, Black Box Warrior, senses a designated target’s “sins” (anything that the target has done that they know deep down is wrong even if they don’t feel any conscious guilt or shame for it; if they not only don’t feel bad about it but genuinely believe it was the right thing to do Black Box Warrior can’t sense it) and, once it’s locked onto a target’s sin, doles out a punishment of its own choosing. the punishment usually fits the crime and the language for more minor sins can be hilariously lofty--think phrasing “kicking an unwanted visitor out of Laplace’s cell” as “punishing an intruder with banishment”. combat effectiveness is limited, because as far as they or anyone else knows, the only way Black Box Warrior can kill a target is if it sentences them to death, and it hasn’t ever done that.

they got sent to green dolphin on charges of first degree grand theft after using their stand to “fine” a health insurance company the money needed for the expensive experimental treatment that their dad would have to undergo to even have a chance at surviving the rare disease he had. their dad is alive and well now thanks to them so they were willing to keep their head down and serve their sentence. unfortunately, Pucci. to be more specific, unfortunately, Pucci popping out the disc with their memories of how to control their stand and basically anything that would be able to pull them out of the state they were in when they found out that the insurance company had denied coverage (that state being burning blinding rage). so Jolyne and friends first meet Laplace as a rage-filled husk of their actual self whose stand is basically dishing out punishments willy-nilly to anyone who has ever made a mistake and whose physical body is all too willing to beat the shit out of anyone who provokes them.

unfortunately for Pucci, Laplace ends up getting their ass kicked when, just by pretty much random happenstance during the fight with Jolyne, they happen to lock eyes with Weather Report and feel flutterings of...well, they know it’s not anger or hate but they don’t have time to figure out WHAT it is before they get ORA’d. once they get their memories back they’re a lot nicer, although they’re still a pretty serious person who is maybe a bit more honest than is strictly polite. like they won’t INSULT you but if they think your idea is terrible and will get you killed they’re also not going to sugarcoat it. also they get increasingly more fixated on The Power of Love as shit gets more real--not just romantic love, but all kinds. they truly did say “i got into this prison because i loved my parents and i’ll get out of it because i love my new friends and also may love one of them as something other than a friend.”

is this in any way coherent or cohesive? no. am i proud of the ideas in it anyway? yes.

[asktherexsquad]

Rocket returns to his room a few minutes after he left, a slight smile on his face.

Nice bathroom break, huh?

Rocket looks up at RB, startled. Wh-- what??

RB smirks from his spot sat on the edge of Rocket's bed.

Eh, you just look happy is all. Got yourself all prettied up, nice and good for bed princess?

Rocket grins, rolling his eyes. I'm not the one who needs to be prettied up here, doll-face! You seen a mirror lately? Rocket walks over to his sleeping bag as he talks, nudging it open with his foot.

As he's lifting up the covers and scootching over, RB scoffs.

Why would I need to look in one of those, when I've got a living mirror right here in front of me?

Because I don't look like I got attacked by a meat tenderizer. Rocket, now in his sleeping bag, gets comfortable on his side, chuckling. The offer for pain meds still stands if you need more tonight.

RB sighs as he snuggles under the covers and gets comfy in Rocket's nice, big, soft bed. Tonight he was certainly very happy he'd taken it instead of the sleeping bag. No doubt his bruises wouldn't have been happy about that.

I'll take more if I need 'em. Should be good for now, though I'll let you know if I do.

All right, sounds good. Lights out! At the voice command, the lights flicked off, plunging Rocket's room into darkness. 'Night Brickowski.

RB yawns, pulling his duvet up a little bit more and rolling onto his side.

Night Rocket.

Slowly RB closes his eyes, and after the hectic day they've all had, he soon finds himself fast asleep…

....

Once again, Rocket finds himself waking up quite the unreasonable time, with no idea why. He grumpily refuses to open his eyes, but finally curiosity gets the best of him, and he opens one eye to check the clock.

… 1 AM.

Rocket groans mentally, pulling the top of his sleeping bag over his head. Why did this keep fucking happening…??

Then he heard a soft noise from the other side of the room. Was RB talking to him?

Rocket sighs, pulling down the edge of his bag down again, listening closely. …No, maybe he had--

No…

No? No what? Rocket waits for a response, his irritation mounting at RB's silence.

From the bed, RB murmurs something, impossible to make out, and rolls over.

… He must be asleep.

Rocket props himself up on his elbow, peering through the dark in the direction of the bed. Huh… Maybe that was what had woken him up yesterday, RB was a sleep-talker…? What was he dreaming about? Rocket listens closely, his annoyance forgotten, overpowered by his curiosity.

No, please……

Didn't mean to… Didn't want…

Sorry…

A long, drawn out pause falls after that word.

No… No, don't…!

There's a single soft whimper, then, RB's breathing quickens.

No. No, no… N--!

He sounds far more panicked now, almost panting. Then there's a distressed mutter, before a much louder, more coherent:

NOOO!!!

Rocket is instantly on his feet at his desperate cry, rushing over to the bed and grabbing his shoulder. Hey!! Brickowski!! RB!! Wake up!!! Snap out of it!!! Rocket feels his heart plummet into his stomach as RB simply whimpers in response.

Rex!!!

In an instant, RB's eyes snap open, and he bolts up with a start and a yell of terror. His wild, unfocused eyes dart around the darkness, as his chest rapidly rises and falls with his ragged breaths.

After a moment, his eyes lock on Rocket, and the fear and confusion in them drains, leaving a tired, empty look. A few small tears glisten in the corners of them as he stares in silence.

Rocket's own panic fades as he sees that RB was conscious now, and he speaks in a soft voice. Hey, buddy. You're okay. You're here with me. Without thinking about what he was doing, he instinctively reaches over and gently wipes away a tear that threatened to fall down his cheek. You're awake, yeah?

RB blinks in surprise, but then he nods, frowning down at his hands as they tightly grasp the covers.

Rocket nods back and sits down on the edge of the bed, releasing his shoulder. Too often after being awoken from a bad dream, the disorientation lasted long into consciousness for Rem… He was relieved to see that RB truly was awake. You were having a nightmare… I heard you shouting in your sleep and thought it best to wake you.

RB takes in a deep breath before he hums in agreement.

Yeah… I do that a lot… Especially with nightmares… Though it's not been so bad recently… Sorry. Didn't mean to--

He pauses, remembering moments ago when he'd said that in his nightmare, and tenses again. He's frozen for a moment, but then he continues.

Sorry I woke you…

Rocket shakes his head, gently placing a comforting hand on RB's arm. Hey, no, you're fine. Rocket hesitates, reluctant to leave his side just yet, not when he still clearly seemed so shaken. ... Do you want to talk about it…?

RB thinks it over, briefly remembering what had happened in his dream, but shakes his head as he decides against it.

No… Not now. Just know… It was bad.

Yeah… No worries. You don't have to tell me. Rocket looks down at the floor with a small, worried frown. What else could he do…? This wasn't Rem, or even Rex… he had seen RB's look of surprise at his unconscious affectionate gesture, he didn't want to do anything that would make him uncomfortable.

... But he couldn't just leave him to fall back asleep like this...

Rocket makes up his mind, and gives a quiet huff through his nose. ... Do you… want a hug, at least…?

RB pauses, his gaze darting over Rocket in a quick glance, then, he nods rapidly.

Rocket rises from the bed, turning to face RB as he slowly does the same. After a beat of silence, Rocket opens his arms. RB immediately leans into them.

Rocket wraps his arms as tightly as he dares around him, closing his eyes. RB stands completely still for a moment… before all of his emotions come crashing over him all at once.

He wraps his arms around Rocket's waist and buries his face in his shoulder as silent sobs begin wracking his body.

Rocket gently leans his head against RB's as he cries quietly into him, holding him steady. After a moment, he lets his hand move gently over RB's back, a small gesture of comfort that makes RB hold onto him all the tighter. Rocket smiles affectionately, tilting his head to gently rest his cheek on RB's shoulder as he continues rubbing his back. No words were spoken, none were needed.

Eventually, RB's tears slow, his breathing evening out. Even so, the two still don't pull apart just yet. Rocket reaches one hand up to gently pet RB's hair, and RB gives a quiet hum of appreciation, nuzzling his shoulder slightly. Rocket keeps gently stroking RB's hair in this way until his tears had dried completely, RB giving a quiet, tired sigh.

Rocket can sense RB's reluctance as the arms around him relax slowly. Rocket doesn't hurry to release his hold either, but eventually, both men stand straight again, facing one another.

I guess… we should get some actual sleep now, huh?

Yeah, we should.

Neither of them move, both of them staring at the floor.

... Listen, I was thinking…

RB glances up.

... You mentioned that you sleep better with someone, right? Rocket looks up at RB, then looks away again, giving an awkward half-shrug. And, well, I mean… you took care of Rem for me when he was upset… why don't I return the favor?

RB seems a little surprised at Rocket's offer, as he hadn't considered it at all, but slowly he gives him a lopsided smile.

You… really wouldn't mind doing that?

Nah, of course not. … Not if you don't mind.

RB smiles a little wider.

Then… sure. Alright, let's do it.

Rocket gives him a small warm smile as well, and the pair move back over to the bed. They lift up the covers and climb in, quickly (albeit a little hesitantly from the underlying awkwardness of everything) scootching closer together. When they're shoulder to shoulder, and have pulled the duvet up around them, they look at each other as they both wonder just what to do next. Do they just… stay like this?

RB thinks briefly, and vaguely remembers what Rem had done when he'd ended up in bed with RB. So he decides, as it worked well enough for Rem, to do the same. He rolls onto his side and backs up a bit, inching his way towards Rocket with his back facing him.

Without hesitation Rocket turns onto his side as well, wrapping one arm around RB's middle and pulling him up against him. He adjusts his torso and legs' positions to match the curve of RB's, so they were gently resting against one another. He didn't move for a few moments… but without really thinking or caring, Rocket's hold protectively tightens, ever so slightly holding him closer.

In response, RB lowers his arm to rest over Rocket’s and holds it tightly as well. He lets his head rest on the soft pillow and closes his eyes. He finds it… interesting being held by Rocket like this. He'd not really been a little spoon before, well not recently at least, and never really by anyone other than Lucy. He couldn't lie, it did feel quite nice to have big strong arms wrapped around him, being held tight and close to a friend he trusted. It made him feel safe. Safe enough to let out a content sigh, and find himself slowly drifting off with a smile resting happily on his face.

Rocket feels a gentle smile spread across his own face at RB's sigh, and he closes his eyes, satisfied. He leans his head forward slightly and lets his forehead gently rest against RB, nuzzling slightly into his soft hair. In no time at all, his breathing becomes deep and even, sleep finding the both of them easily now.

And sure enough, they both sleep soundly through the rest of the night.

[ughgclden]

hi bee omg

im so sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you, the last. week? week and a half? has been absolute madness. i went to a theatre convention that was stressful!! and overwhelming!! but it was fun and i watched dead poets society timed so that the first unmanned flying desk set “oh is it your birthday? happy birthday.” would fall on my birthday at midnight. it was nice. i was the only one awake in my hotel room, i sat in the shower (with it off, just my comfy pjs and computer with earbuds and rsl and ethan hawke), i may have cried a little, and i played dancing queen, cause i missed you, but couldn’t sit still long enough to put my thoughts together and write you.

also, the six of crows thing? definitely chaotic academia. i need to read that. i swear it’s on my list, but i just keep forgetting and i can’t pick up any new books. it’s just red white and royal blue red white and royal blue. i guess i’m so much like alex it makes me happy. i’m longing for a henry. (ironically, i’m in love with a blonde boy from a different country) (although he isn’t the prince of england. or english. but he’s from a different country and lives over two thousand miles away. but he’s moving to my state???? which is crazy????)

but yes. chaotic academia. i might enjoy wilde and hemingway, but i swear i’m not so pretentious that i think all modern literature is bad. honestly i read classics less than i read newer books, they just always awaken the 18th century gentleman that lives in my soul and writes his long lost love letters from their interrupted courtship.

(also, i’m having a gender crisis, keep you updated?)

anyway, bee, i love you so much, i hope you know even though i’ve been gone a bunch you’ve been on my mind, and i’ve been wishing you tea and happiness and pastries and prince caspian rewatches (the little star in your head arguing that i am not at all better than susan pevensie)

also, for the record we are mutuals on instagram and i’ve been,, debating putting you on my close friends, thoughts? i know we have this lovely little anonymity but i promise my instagram gives little more than i do, as i am completely and utterly ashamed of myself constantly. it’s all very… austenian, i think. (maybe not, i just like that phrase)

once again, wishing you all the cups of comforting tea, lovely, engaging lectures and academic validation (because you’re incredible and i’m so so proud of you), pastries, and comfy warm blankets straight out of the wash, and a gentle reassuring kiss on the top of the head,

all my love,

star✨

ps: “and so for a time it looked as if all the adventures were coming to and end; but that was not to be.” -c.s lewis, the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe

(i’ll have something in spanish or latin for you next time, but i finally started that reread i mentioned)

star my love!!! i promise you, you have no reason to apologise - i know first hand life can be so so... hectic, for want of a better word. these letters are lovely little surprises for me, you're in no way indebted to write me at any given time. knowing they come in drips and drabs with your thoughts makes them all the more special

a theatre convention!!! omg that sounds so so fun - though i get how it could be stressful. that's SUCH an amazing idea omgosh,, and im hoping it was a lovely, lovely birthday. you deserve nothing but loveliness. sitting in the shower is honestly a spiritual experience; i've slept in a shower many a time. listening to dancing queen!!!! yes!!!! our 17th's are now intrinsically linked star, i don't make the rules.

it's amazing i adore it - if you get around to reading it pLEASE dump all of your thoughts onto me. ive been meaning to read rw&rb but other books keep popping up and i never get round to it, im a menace /hj. relating to characters is great. and ohmygod??? that's amazing??? maybe your love story will begin to blossom before you eyes. my love life is.. laughably hopeless. though i managed to actually have a coherent conversation with my crush today for the better part of an hour, so i guess that's something? or maybe its just me making things into bigger deals than they actually are. likely the latter.

this!!! i feel like i need to be in a certain mood for classics - i think classics are best enjoyed on a slightly overcast day, with a cup of tea. a pretentious setting for pretentious reading. meanwhile ill sit and devour modern lit anywhere i can. i've been reading in a lot of coffee shops recently, which has definitely boosted my ego and pretentious levels. (agh, crisises surrounding your identity are the worst- hope it all goes well love! labels aren't always super important,, enjoy the process of finding yourself as much as possible <3)

i've been thinking of you in your absence star, wondering what little pockets of joy have come your way and what you may have been getting up to. i'm wishing you so much love and happiness, as much black coffee as you can stomach, your favourite pastries and fluffiest blanket, alongside a full-out narnia marathon (ill provide a powerpoint as to why you are better than her. namely being - she doesn't write me these beautiful letters.)

omg do it do it do it!!! i too love our anonymity, but a little peek into your life would bring me such joy <3 i assure you, there's no reason to be ashamed of yourself - you are truly special. though i understand debilitating self doubt doesn't listen to rationality, sadly.

all my love, star. stay lovely <3

(narnia quotes will always be the way to my heart, especially coming from the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe, as it was my favourite book from the ages of around 7/8 to 10)

ps; "je viens du ciel et les étoiles entre elles ne parlent que de toi" - francis cabrel

[fossadeileonixv]

Mercato Madness: The Final Say

One thing is certain, you are not to soil this man’s name in this here house.

So the summer transfer marker of 2021 is over. 

Let’s take some time to rejoice.

Since banter officially began way back in the summer of 2012, I can recall few players, events, coaches, matches that have divided Milanisti quite like this market. We have some that are singing high praise for Maldini’s ability to capture eleven new players on an 80 million euro budget. Then we have others ridiculing a transfer strategy that culminated in Junior Messias as the answer to the right wing issue, hours before the window closed. The human condition is manifold, reason a flawed and subjective invention, and as such a definitive manichean yes or no, good or bad solution or explanation for nearly anything we can perceive and comprehend is inherently out of reach. The summer 2021 transfer market is no exception. It can be seen as both a failure and a success and it would be difficult for me to argue in favor or in opposition to either position, resolutely. 

To highlight this point, I’m publishing a Twitter DM convo between Mike and I, which I think also kind of covers how each of us feels not only about the players, but the strategy in general. Mike is more optimistic than I, but after re-reading this a few times, I can’t even disagree with him:

TR: I'm trying to just put my faith in Pioli and hope that Brahim lights shit up. Minus this, I'm not even mad at the moves per se, but more experienced or creative minds could have done more.

MIKE: We still desperately need an AM. To me that is the difference between a good window and not.

We replaced Donna, held onto Tomori and Diaz, added a LB, bolstered the midfield with Bakayoko and brought in what could be a 20+ goal scorer in Giroud. That's not bad.

TR: Ya I dunno. RW/AM were like the two areas I expected to be addressed with quality and early and here we are

MIKE: We also brought in Florenzi and Messias as band aids at RW. Not that I'm thrilled with either.

That all being said I think we are at a solid 7; get me an AM and we are at an 8.

I think people are really underestimating how much we needed another striker to go with Ibra and just how good Giroud is gonna be.

TR: It isn't a terrible market and the MF depth is huge, I just think we coulda done better.

Giroud is gonna be great, there is no doubt in my mind. I don't see how Zlatan regains his starting spot tbh, because I also don't see us playing with 2 strikers

MIKE: Also, Maignan for peanuts is a coup. Look at the keepers at the other top clubs in the league.... Ospina, Handanovic, Reina, Szcezny.....

We may very well have the best keeper in the league again

TR: We could. Oddly kind of a low bar which is weird when you think about how stacked the league was with keepers 3 or 4 years back

MIKE: I think he's levels above those guys.

TR: We’ll see.

MIKE: If Leao WOULD SHOW UP AND BE WORTH 40 MILLION we could live with whoever plays on the right. Amazing how he gets a free pass while folks run Castillejo out of town.

LW was trash last year yet the RW was the problem? We've but 10s of millions into that area and gotten fuck all. I don't get it. We paid 9 for Casti and 4 for Saelemaekers and they catch all the hate?

Sorry I'll climb off my soapbox.

TR: LW was at least productive, statistically. Samu was a net 0 and Saele is just not a good enough finisher to play that advanced. Also, we paid like 24m for Casti.

I get it. I gripe about players all the time, but there are certain ones like Saele and Samu where its like, this is as good as they can get. If you're unhappy with it, that's someone else's problem. I think the difference with Leao is that Leao's ceiling is literally world class so the patience is and should be a bit longer.

MIKE: What I don’t understand is people think these rumors m an we had a chance at these players or that somehow Maldini failed.We are a mid level team that made the CL for first time in years. We are barely relevant. Certainly not a destination.

The days of a guy like Sabitzer having a great euros and coming here are loooooong gone.

TR: My counterpoint top that is that mid-level teams playing for nothing are signing quality. Villa signed Emmy Buendia. Wolves signed Sanches. Roma signed Tammy. James/Bernardo, I never really expected but players the level of Vlasic were certainly within our reach.

But again, my issue is more the plan. Taking younger players that can't break into Chelsea and Madrid is fine here and there, but it isn't a transfer strategy. They pay a lot of lip service to the RB model but can't land the sort of players necessary to make that work.

MIKE: I’m sorry but there’s no comparison between us and even a mid level EPL team.

The spending power and attraction of those clubs is light years above us. All we can do is hope they are dumb enough to pay 25 million for Cutrone.

25 million is nothing to them

TR: Spending power sure, but there are a lot of players that don't care for the league or the country (weather/food/family/ etc.) otherwise these clubs would be thriving in tourneys like Europa and they don't. 

I've been telling my brother that the model is the right one, but the coach, owners, and directors aren't really qualified enough to make it work. They are however, good enough to finish top four in Italy if all goes right.

And we've sucked for a decade, but players generally hate leaving Milan barring some kind of real personal thing.

The attraction, I believe, is still there. They just don't really have a coherent plan.

And look, the situations were bad, and I hate to beat a dead horse, but arguably two of your three most valuable assets walked out for free. One to a rival. I can't think of a real-life business comparison but that is a reallllllyy bad screwup.

MIKE: I can. You let older workers go and hire replacements at a third of their wages. Happens all the time

TR: But if you could have sold those older workers....

Well, that's slavery, nm. but you get my point.

The four ounce glass has two ounces of water, this we can be sure of. On one hand, we are definitely half full. We’re undoubtedly good enough to compete at a high level as indicated by our second place finish last season and first two games this year. This is as complete a team as we have had since the beginning of banter, and the work that management has done so far is admirable considering the restrictions. Mike is correct in that we aren’t in a financial position to acquire world-class talent, so names like Bernardo, Sabitzer, or even James aren’t quite our reality yet. 

But we’re definitely half empty. Big Mike looks the part so far, but sorry Don-haters, he is not at good as PSG’s backup. In fact it would be difficult for me to say that we are substantially a better starting eleven than the one that huffed over the finish line last season, sans maybe Giroud. We’re good enough to finish top four, but it isn’t wild to think of scenarios where we finish anywhere between fifth and seventh. We have depth in almost everywhere, but we also accrued that depth at the expense of two positions that were burning for quality. And while we can’t flex and grab the names mentioned above, you do have to think that with a little more cunning, a bit more panache, and better negotiating skills, we could have done a bit more to make those odds of finishing 5th less likely.

But who is to say? It’s done, thankfully. And now it is time to enjoy the ride. So with our respective thesis’ laid out, let’s rate and speculate with a few questions and answers on the mercato by Mike and I!

MIKE LISI’S THOUGHTS

Biggest coup: Maignan for 14 million. He might already be the best keeper in the league and no one misses Donnarumma. On top of that, Maldini showed that he won't be bullied by the backup keeper for PSG.

The Biggest Surprise: Giroud. I bet he scores 20 goals.

The Biggest Oversight: The attacking midfield spot. Runner up is CB. Kjaer’s health worries me and we’re a little thin at that spot.

Overall Rating: 8/10; Maiagnan, Tomori, Torre, Bakayoko, Florenzi, Brahim, Adli, Pellegri, Giroud. All we lost was Hakan and Donnarumma and we have easily improved each of those spots. No complaints really. Also, we only spent 70 million. Between Hakan and Donnarumma we would have spent that much on their salaries alone.

Are we a better team than last year: Hell yeah we are better. Last year I think we greatly overachieved to finish where we did. This year I expect us to be top 3. Big difference in my mind.

TEEN ROCKETT’s TAKE

Biggest coup: Giroud. Unlike Mike, I won’t be surprised if he scores 20. I think for the price, the return is going to be higher than any other player we purchased this season.

The Biggest Surprise: Junior. I am letting my romanticism for his story cloud my judgement, but considering what he did with Crotone last year, I don’t think it is inconceivable we get five or six goals and a few assists platooning with Saele.

The Biggest Oversight: Not solidifying RW and AM. I just really don’t understand how we waited until the dying hours to address one and chose to take a considerable gamble putting the load all on Brahim for the other. Runner up will be not selling Kessie and or Romagnoli. But talk to me this time next year.

Overall Rating: 6.5/10; I am impressed with what we did for 80 million and I think we are a more rounded team, with depth in almost every position. We did a good job balancing youth and veterans. Additionally, moves like Pellegri, Traore and Clinton (the latter two being youths) are the kind of moves that get me excited for the future. But while I think we’re capable of about the same point total as last season I’m not sure we did enough to beat out Atalanta, Juve, Inter and to a lesser extent Napoli, and yes I’m saying it without really believing it, Roma. And from a strictly business standpoint, not capitalizing the Don and Hakan departures were massive mistakes. There’s no way around that.

Are we a better team than last year: We’re more complete. We will see what that translates to on the pitch. I’d have a tough time saying that we are out and out better, but if not, we didn’t take a step back.

Allright Leoni. That’s that. In the damn books. Sound off below and feel free to hit us with your own biggest coup, biggest surprise, major oversight, overall rating, and whether we are better or not.